What is and what is not a vampire

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What is and what is not a vampire; Anna just blowing off steam
Topic Started: Saturday, 18. July 2009, 12:06 (100 Views)
Annabella Tempest	Saturday, 18. July 2009, 12:06 Post #1
Childe Posts: 10 Group: Members Member #589 Joined: 02/03/2009 Character Clan/Bloodline: Tzimisce Character Sect: Autarkis	I don't know about the rest of you guys but I have a criteria of what is and what is not a vampire.... What is not a vampire: Anything that .... sparkles in the sun when it should be a flaming ball of fire I can easily kick the crap out of. Does not drink human blood even though it is their true nature to..... HELLO! Is over or almost 100 years old and STILL living with their sire (it's the vampire version of a 40 year old guy living in the basement of his mothers, that's all I'm saying!) Takes crap from something that they can easily kill (the werewolves, especially the one in the wheel chair....) Is too stupid to hide their true nature from a mortal Makes Caine roll over in his grave, then roll back over and cup himself cuz said 'vamp' is probably gay Just embarrasses the hell out of everybody Makes a Malk go , "Dude that's just fcked up." Is afraid* to make another of their kind... period. Sabbat sect members, Cammies, and Anarchs can all agree that it's ok to kill them Purely IS JUST ANOTHER CRAPPY CHICK FILCK OVER PAID PRETTY BOY WHO CAN'T ACT FOR SHIT, SHOULD BE SHOT TO PREVENT FURTHER BREEDING, CAN'T STAND THEM, KILL ME NOW PLEASE!!!!!!!!! Bottom line, Eward Cullen, NOT a Vampire, he's a blood sucking beanie baby is what is he is, the Richard Simmons of vampires.... it's all I'm saying. the Book sucked, the movie was worse, the girl playing Bella had no talent and neither did anyone else in that whole damn movie if you can call it that! *sighs* ok I'm done.... BTW You can blame a friend of mine who insists that Edward Cullen is the best vampire ever, I on the other hand think said friend is a moron and personally I'm a old fashioned Dracula fan, the classic vampire , and yeah... you can see where the problem lies....
	"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly; "'Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you may spy. The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,And I have many curious things to show when you are there." "Oh no, no," said the little fly; "to ask me is in vain, For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."


Kazys	Saturday, 18. July 2009, 14:21 Post #2
Vitriolic Demagogue Posts: 264 Group: Moderator Member #251 Joined: 07/01/2007 Character Clan/Bloodline: Tzimisce Character Sect: Sabbat	http://headtripcomics.comicgenesis.com/comics/20080505.jpg http://headtripcomics.comicgenesis.com/comics/20080915.jpg http://www.punchanpie.net/comics/pnp20090105b.jpg Maybe you can explain it to me, but how -the fuck- can the subject of this "Twilight" fan-fiction wet-dream by a fat, unwashed, boring, waddling, talentless, slobbering, odious, inept, lonely, unwanted, stinking, sweaty, eighteen-sandwich-eating fucking bush-pig, Stephanie Meyer, be even vaguely alluded to contain anything at all even remotely comparable to vampires? The definition of the word "vampire" (according to the WordWeb electronic dictionary) is: Vampire (noun): 1. (folklore) a corpse that rises at night to drink the blood of the living Synonyms: Lamia Lamia (Lamiae) (noun): 1. (folklore) a corpse that rises at night to drink the blood of the living Thus, by definition, the most basic requirements for a character to qualify for the term "vampire" are rising from the dead, showing no vital signs (re: "corpse"), and most importantly, consuming living haemoglobin. If that doesn't describe the character in question, it's not a vampire - the term simply doesn't apply. I don't know what the fuck it is, but it's not that. Even the roots of the word at the very least require that what it describes to be a haemovore. If it isn't, it's not, by any stretch of the imagination, anything near a vampire. Even the stories which spawned the concept originally came from a combination of people suffering from porphyria (a hereditary blood disorder that causes bleeding gums and an acute allergy to sunlight, among other things), and the fact that back in the Dark Ages there was no way to determine the difference between a corpse and a coma-patient. Thus, living people were frequently interred and woke up buried alive - when these poor individuals were later exhumed, far more often than not after they had suffocated, scratch-marks were found on the inside of the coffin lids and the corpses were found to contain blood in their stomachs as a result of biting their tongues and swallowing their blood during their fits of intense panic. It's a scam for giddy, insipid teeny-bopper imbeciles that should have been stubbed out in an ashtray at birth, whom gobble up the pseudo-romantic diatribe with myopic abandon, much to the repugnant delight of Stephanie "Hand Me Another Pie, I'm So Very, Very Hungry" Meyer, and her stinking bastard fuck publishers; as evidenced by the following blog-posts by the author of the SomethingPositive webcomic, and attributed links: RK Milholland 7th January 2009 A Convention You Won't See Me At* The ever-delightful Amanda Bussell alerted me to a convention that's going on in our backyard here in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. What's that con, you ask? Why, it's TwiCon, a Twilight fan con (that's for-profit but still uses a .org url - don't even get me started). Now I love mocking the horror that is Twilight fandom as much as the next person... or more. Okay, some people like mocking it a lot more than me. Fine. But, hey, I was under the age of twelve and stupid once myself. As long as they're having fun and don't ejaculate someone's brain, no harm, no foul, right? Then I really looked at this site. The Con Registration itself is $255[USD] per person. That doesn't appear to cover the hotel stay, either, which according to the same page is an ever-so-affordable $139[USD]-per-night for up to four people per room. Let's just assume you went and DID have three more people to split the cost of the room - that's $359.25[USD] you're dropping before travel, food, entertainment, and spending money. Okay, now I admit I spent a LOT on Comic-Con last year - and will again this year. However, I went as a vendor and was there to make money and meet people (only two dickheads, too, in the whole five days - pretty awesome con, I have to say). I made that back, and my share of the table wasn't too bad. Hell, most of my expense was having the merch to sell (by the way, TwiCon, a first year con, has vendor tables for $750[USD]... you're paying $750[USD] to sell stuff to people who had to spend at least $255[USD] to get in the door - oh, and while an Artists' Alley table is a mere $100[USD], you aren't allowed to sell anything). Oh, it gets better. Like all real fandom cons, it boasts guests who are important to the topic at hand (actors from the movie, a fandom guest, bands centered around Twilight[?!?!?!]). Great. Fine. And, hey, you'll get their autographs, right? Yeah. Unless they aren't there. See, per the terms of service, they don't guarantee any of the guests will actually be there. Hey, okay. Shit happens and it's always possible for a guest to bow out for personal reasons, or because the con fucks with 'em (hey, AggieCon - thanks again). But still - I dunno, if I'm dropping that much money I - oh, hell. Just read the whole terms of service. It's something else. I realize I am FAR from their target audience (I have testicles and they've descended, and I'm not trying to get into emo panties) - and hey, if someone really wants to go, that's they're Goddamn right and it's the con's right to charge that much. But let's be realistic - this is going to suck for any vendor who actually attends and wants to make money off their drained customers, and maybe it's just me but this smacks of someone who's really just trying to profit SEVERELY off a group at the expense of the love of the fandom and cons like that are just fast flashes. It seems like it would be better for said fans to pool together their resources and abilities and make a con that's about the thing they love, not cashing in on it (and I say this as a pretty ugly capitalist). But then again, maybe the con staff really loves Twilight. Then again, it's probably hard to put on a con when you're saving your allowance for a junior prom dress. -R http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp01072009.shtml RK Milholland 8th January 2009 <snip...> Oh yes - in regards to yesterday's news post about the money pit that is TwiCon, LJ user dieppe pointed out that, per TwiCon's terms of service any attendee under the age of 18 must be accompanied by an adult over the age of 21 - who must in turn pay the full fee to attend the con. Now, seeing how Twilight is aimed at teens and tweens, that's a lot of money hand over first. I'm obviously in the wrong goddamn racket. I need to write a book that appeals to teenage girls who seem to be flush with stupid amounts of cash. Something involving glitter and stalking romance and other shit teenage girls are all about. If you'll excuse me, I need to begin work on my book, Holy Shit Shiny Vampire Love Ponies. -R. http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp01082009.shtml If only stupidity were painful... <sigh> Why couldn't that grunting beast Meyer just leave the vampire-concept the fuck alone? It's clear that her piss-weak, boring main character exhibits absolutely no qualities associated with even the basest definition of the term "vampire" - she could have just as easily called it a fucking elf, or made up some new title like "mugwump" or "porterziebe", and I wouldn't be bothered. But no, that trough-fed, feed-bag-wearing, slop-bucket-gorging pig-beast had to go and tarnish the term "vampire" with her insipid, woefully written garbage. And now as a result those of us partial to genuine vampire-fiction (such as V:tM) are often subjected to the smug, mindless wailing of her self-deprecating, purblind and puerile fan-base, about such absurdly stupid fucking concepts as <ahem> "real vampires" <cough!> being "like Edward" <spit>, and other such intense, incomprehensible, inconceivable idiocy. <exhales> Anyway... For the record, I'm myself much more of a *Lestat* fan - but I only refer to the novels of that series preceding that piece of literary shit, "Memnock the Devil" <spit>, in which Anne Rice turned the best vampire character I'd ever read of into a whining, god-soaked, wannabe-human little bleater, and completely shat all over what was until then a fucking fantastic, religion/cultism-free vampire-concept. I stopped reading any of her work after that fucking abomination. Actually, much as I dislike Tom Cruise as an individual, I actually feel he did a marvellous job portraying the character of Lestat -as Louis saw him- in the screen adaptation of "Interview with a Vampire". Just don't get me started on everything that was wrong with the "Queen of the Damned"-movie (starting with the fact they completely skipped making the film version of "The Vampire Lestat") or chances are we'll be here well into next month...
	"There is no good, there is no evil; there is only flesh, and the patterns to which we submit it." Kazymiras Kaminskas II (Sig-file designed by Juka.)


Madeleine Bourignon	Saturday, 18. July 2009, 17:24 Post #3
Childe Posts: 10 Group: Members Member #551 Joined: 29/06/2008 Character Clan/Bloodline: Daughter of Cacophony Character Sect: Camarilla	For purely scientific reasons, I decided to waste two hours of my admittedly uneventful and already wasteful life watching the abomination of a film, Twilight. Here are a few facts I can tell you about Edward Cullen. 1. He lives in a family of "Vampires" who are all overjoyed that he's found a girlfriend in Bella, and do their best to stay away from her blood, which apparently smells irresistible for no good reason. 2. He has graduated high school at least 50 times in different cities and states for no good reason. 3. He and his family are "vegetarian vampires" that drink animal blood rather than human blood, which makes no fucking sense, because it has nothing to do with not eating meat. 4. He literally sparkles in sunlight. No, seriously. It's like they covered him in glitter or something. My favourite line from this scene was; Bella: swoon you're beautiful!! Edward: THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER, BELLA. This was supposed to explain why the Cullen 'family' never went outside when it was sunny. 5. He is a stalker, who watches Bella sleep every night for several months. 6. He can read everyone's minds, except for Bella's, for some unexplained reason, which actually has no involvement in the plot whatsoever. 7. His 'sister' Alice can predict the future, which only serves for convenient plot advancement. 8. There are three vampires who actually do what vampires are supposed to do, and try to kill Bella. When I imagine Stephanie Meyer writing this, I hear her think; "Oh shit, more than two thirds of the book are just my wet dreams on paper, I should probably add some drama here." 9. Being so incredibly fast and powerful, vampires can only play baseball when there's a thunderstorm, lest the sound of the bat hitting the ball be so loud as to warn mortals of their presence. Their bats are never dented. I'll post any more ridiculous concepts that come to mind if I can be bothered.
	The voice is a strange thing.


S�bastien Benoit Bertrand	Sunday, 19. July 2009, 02:00 Post #4
Childe Posts: 35 Group: Members Member #485 Joined: 13/02/2008 Character Clan/Bloodline: Brujah Character Sect: Camarilla	"Takes crap from something that they can easily kill (the werewolves)"(Quote from Bella, the player not the character of Twilight :Smirk:) Even an Elder can be awfully wounded by a semi-newbie Garou Bella, they're quite strong and have different skills from vampires. Moreover, did you know that the only mental discipline that works on Garou(Werewolves) is Dementation? The others such as Dominate, Chimerism and the such work no effect on these 'puppies' About Twilight, I have nothing to say.



Annabella Tempest	Sunday, 19. July 2009, 05:26 Post #5
Childe Posts: 10 Group: Members Member #589 Joined: 02/03/2009 Character Clan/Bloodline: Tzimisce Character Sect: Autarkis	..... You guys do know I was just blowing off some steam right? Not trying to be politically correct. I just was bitching.... It made me feel better, that's it! Do you guys take everything this seriously???? The book was crap that's all I'm saying! Shit... I make one post I start a whole friggin debate and get torn a new one.... damn!
	"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly; "'Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you may spy. The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,And I have many curious things to show when you are there." "Oh no, no," said the little fly; "to ask me is in vain, For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."


Annabella Tempest	Sunday, 19. July 2009, 05:39 Post #6
Childe Posts: 10 Group: Members Member #589 Joined: 02/03/2009 Character Clan/Bloodline: Tzimisce Character Sect: Autarkis	Maybe I should just shut up...... creeps quietly back in to a dark corner
	"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly; "'Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you may spy. The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,And I have many curious things to show when you are there." "Oh no, no," said the little fly; "to ask me is in vain, For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."


Kazys	Sunday, 19. July 2009, 12:04 Post #7
Vitriolic Demagogue Posts: 264 Group: Moderator Member #251 Joined: 07/01/2007 Character Clan/Bloodline: Tzimisce Character Sect: Sabbat	What the... ? Annabella Tempest 19th July 2009; 5:09 AM ..... You guys do know I was just blowing off some steam right? Uh, yes. Annabella Tempest 19th July 2009; 5:09 AM Not trying to be politically correct. . . Huh? Annabella Tempest 19th July 2009; 5:09 AM I just was bitching.... Um... Yep? Annabella Tempest 19th July 2009; 5:09 AM It made me feel better, that's it! I think that's the general idea, yeah. Annabella Tempest 19th July 2009; 5:09 AM Do you guys take everything this seriously???? What the fuck are you talking about? Annabella Tempest 19th July 2009; 5:09 AM The book was crap that's all I'm saying! Shit... Uh, hello? That's what we're ALL saying. Well, except S�bastien, who just interjected with some off-topic comment about Werewolves in V:tM, but that's neither here nor there. Annabella Tempest 19th July 2009; 5:09 AM I make one post I start a whole friggin debate and get torn a new one.... damn! <mind-boggle> No, seriously: What -the fuck- are you talking about?? What "debate"? "Torn a new one"? What? Where?? What thread are you reading? Allison and I are agreeing with you. Get it? There's no conflict there: We agree. Did you actually read our responses, or just assume you were being attacked? Are you really that fucking sensitive? What the fuck, Annabella?
	"There is no good, there is no evil; there is only flesh, and the patterns to which we submit it." Kazymiras Kaminskas II (Sig-file designed by Juka.)


Annabella Tempest	Monday, 20. July 2009, 12:46 Post #8
Childe Posts: 10 Group: Members Member #589 Joined: 02/03/2009 Character Clan/Bloodline: Tzimisce Character Sect: Autarkis	Like I said... I'll just shut up now. And no I'm not. I'm forgetful, not sensitive.
	"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly; "'Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you may spy. The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,And I have many curious things to show when you are there." "Oh no, no," said the little fly; "to ask me is in vain, For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."


Vry	Wednesday, 22. July 2009, 06:21 Post #9
Clan and Alligence Unknown Posts: 376 Group: Primogen Member #261 Joined: 15/01/2007 Character Clan/Bloodline: Gangrel Character Sect: Camarilla	S�bastien Benoit Bertrand Sunday, 19. July 2009, 02:00 Even an Elder can be awfully wounded by a semi-newbie Garou Bella, they're quite strong and have different skills from vampires. Moreover, did you know that the only mental discipline that works on Garou(Werewolves) is Dementation? The others such as Dominate, Chimerism and the such work no effect on these 'puppies' Minor mechanics correction. Mental disciplines do work on Garou in the World of Darkness. Not sure if that is what you were referring too. Also, Chimistry is a social discipline.



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