Viewing Single Post From: Genesis Project

Viewing Single Post From: Genesis Project
+Hollie	Aug 18 2008, 04:43 PM
Resident Brit Posts: 6,836 Group: Advisor Member #801 Joined: May 19, 2006	Excellent. I knew something was wrong from the moment you said protagonists. There was only one problem. Quote: I had really hoped he would’ve noticed. All these cliché moments should have had at least a somewhat intelligent being second guessing him or herself. It makes the whole thing less fun. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. But it made me assume everything was being described by someone else in first person and I think it was Origin. Then you refer to Origin in 3rd person. It's kinda confusing. Maybe you should just go through entirely in 3rd person? Still, this was really good. The cliche theme was used well. I think it could be especially good if you expanded on this to fill several chapters, but it works as it is anyway.
	MSN Wirtjr, Speaker for the Dead says: "Be good, because if you're not, Arick will come down that chimney instead of Santa, and instead of toys he has choloroform, a hacksaw, and a burlap sack." MSN... again Wirtjr, Speaker for the Dead says: I'm a horrible rolemodel. HØ¿¿¥ says: I'll take extra care not to blow my neighbourhood up, I promise Wirtjr, Speaker for the Dead says: Also don't jam forks in strange orifices. Wirtjr, Speaker for the Dead says: ...Wait, that didn't come out right Known as Haar on Brand of Flame. Bitch. Formerly Margaret Thatcher, Aleksandr

Genesis Project · Fan Fiction