Viewing Single Post From: The Last Evolution

Viewing Single Post From: The Last Evolution
Asvel	Nov 30 2008, 07:30 PM
Grandiloquent Panjandrum Posts: 981 Group: FEFFer Member #1,186 Joined: March 26, 2007	You did an excellent job building suspense. I like the concept of the story and the tie-in to mythology. The only things I have to nitpick about are technical details. Watch your "to"s and "too"s, and include a comma after an interjection ("Damn it," etc.) The one word choice that stood out to me as odd was "lacerations". Only doctors use that word, and rarely even then. "Cuts" or even "gashes" would have worked better. Don't use a big word when there's a simpler, more concise option. But as I said, you made great use of suspense. I'm looking forward to next week's post. Edited by Asvel, Nov 30 2008, 07:31 PM.
	Asvel: The other forum pedo. fabulous banner by genn Sub Tank MY MOST HATRED ENEMIES IS GRAMMAR BECAUSE I MAKE CAN'T ABLE TO SENTENCES. Favorite Artist and Favorite Spriter Winter '09 :D

The Last Evolution · Fan Fiction