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| Politically Correct; Chapter 3-1. RE4. | |
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| Topic Started: Jun 19 2005, 04:15 PM (202 Views) | |
| Rinoa | Jun 19 2005, 04:15 PM Post #1 |
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A Rinoa Original. A Resident Evil 4 Fanfiction. I hope you all like what I have so far. I'm currently typing up as much as I have written in my notebook. Please enjoy! I will update whenever I get a new part of the story done. (I'm not concerned with spelling and grammer right now. I'll fix those when I get the time and the put the master version together.) Stepping cautiously through the enourmous doorway, holding his traditional nine-millimeter handgun, the young man searches. Feeling a gentle breeze sway across his shoulders. Alarmed, he turns quickly as a scream is heard. A youthful looking girl is running towards him. "Leoooooooon!! Heeeel--waaaah!" She trips over a rock and lays sprawled on the ground. The man slaps himself in the forehead with his gun as a bullet misfires into cameraman #3. RESIDENT EVIL 4 Chapter 3-1 The Politically Correct Version The US Agent spots a small shack within the first main room inside the castle walls. Reluctant, he walks right inside to spot a man wearing a ragged trenchcoat and a bandana work like a vail. "Ashley, wait." He calmly commands towards the girl. Leon walks up to the man, as the strange man opens up one side of his trenchcoat. "AH!" Leon screams as he averts his eyes. "The Midnight Flasher!!" "Welcome." The man laughs as weapons, and ammo are shown. "AHHHHHHHHH--Ooooooo... Shiny weapons..." Leon gleams with a stupid grin, as he shakes his head. "No, wait, I don't need any weapons right now." "What are ya buying?" Questions the man. Nothing, I need to find the bathroom. Where is it?" "What are ya buying?" He repeats. "Nothing. I need to use a facility." "What are ya buying?" "..." "What are ya buying?" "I just want to--" "What are ya buying?" "An extra bullet." Leon cocks up his gun and aims it inbetween his eyes and fires. "What are ya bu--" The bullet pierces through his skin as he lets out a yell. "Auuuuuuugh..." "Oh! Hey! A bathroom!" Leon runs into there as he proceeds to take a leak. Out of the utter surprise within the silence, two magical words echo through the small house. "FOLLOW ME." Two seconds later, the bathroom door flies open. "What are you doing Leon?" Ashley grins then has a puzzled look as Leon holds the cieling lamp, curled up into a ball around it, with his other hand holding up his pants. "Alright! Who's the bastard that pressed the 'X' button?" |
 
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| Rinoa | Jun 21 2005, 05:33 PM Post #2 |
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Quickly leaving, Leon and Ashley descend two pairs of stairs and fly through the door at the end of the corridor. Leon starts to slide against the walls, occasionally looking over in case of any ganados. Leon quickly ducks behind a crate as he peeks his head over, and searches the area. He motions for Ashley to follow him as they both climb another flight of stairs. A red zealot spots Leon an issues an attack command sending catapults out, and firing fire ignited rocks towards the duo. "Ashley, move!" Leon exclaims as he throws Ashley towards a small tower. "Oh...Sunava." He looks over at a rock as it smashes into the tower. "...You dumbass." Ashley stands right beside what's left of the tower. Oh come on... Leon didn't know! Leon shrugs it off as a sniper rifle appears in his hand. "Time to hunt some livestock." Ashley looks at Leon quizzically. "Where did you get that Leon?" "You know that merchant I killed about a page ago?" Leon smirks. "I got it off him." His smirk turns into a complete grin. "No. Where did it come from? It wasn't attached to your back, or your belt, or anything! Did you just magically pull it out of your ass?" Leon's grin turns to a dumbfounded face. "Look this is just a video game, so just sh--" Leon is then interrupted by another boulder crashing near them as he and Ashley fly in different directions. As Ashley and Leon lay sprawled on the ground, Leon starts to laugh as Ashley slurs off her lips: "If my body wasn't numb, I'd get the secret service and daddy to beat you." "Stop pissing off. My character can actually use weapons and live longer. All you get is a random flashlight and the ability to throw lanterns in Chapter 3-4. Woo hoo." Leon replies. "How the hell you know that?" "GameFAGS dot com." "Clever." ------------------------- They both finally get up, as Leon wants Ashley to wait on one side of the wall. Leon finds even more stairs as he walks downwards. Halfway down a zealot spots him. "Not so fast screwball." Leon smiles. The zealot curiously looks around. "These staircases add +5 to my agility." "Hax! Err... I mean," In a nice British accent, the zealot suddenly converts to sp-- "Dammit narrator, you take too long. I already blew his fricken head off." Leon, stop complaining. I'm only here to record the true happenings with you and Ashley. Alright? God fricken Christ. "Then just say we had sex dammit, and not talk about this damn chapter." Leon grunts. "Oh, and I didn't grunt." Another zealot to the side just stands there confused. "Seriously we had and everyone knows it." No. Leon and Ashley did not ride the bumper wagon. Leon and "ASHLEY" did. Before she found out he was gay with Mr. X and Nemesis. And maybe Ramza... We don't know for sure. But I bet you can predict that the zealot hiding behind Leon wants some anal action. The zealot strikes Leon from behind, shaking him. "Mm... A little lower," Leon gets out. The zealot stops for a second and drops him as Leon spins around cracking the butt of his sniper rifle against his head. Ashley quickly runs to where the noise was heard. "What was that Leon?" Ashley questions as she looks down. "Um, Leon." Leon looks over to her. "Yea?" He looks down at his feet as the bodies start too dissolve into an oozy liquid and fad into the ground. "Dammit, I just washed these!" He starts wiping his shoes off. ------------------------- Once again, Ashley and Leon climb a pair of stairs to get closer to their destination. They both look around, a bit confused, wanting to know if anything is heading their way. "Ashley! Look out!" Leon commands, as he and Ashley duck. Another zealot appears, throwing a scythe through the air towards their neck. The scythe flies over their heads, only hitting a part of Ashley's hair. "My hair!" She exclaims rubbing where it was cut. "That son of a bitch." She gets up and marches towards him. The zealot starts to run after her with one hand out. Without hesitation, Ashley does a back flip, kicking him the face. Stunned, the zealot remains in place as she back roundhouse kicks him in the stomach knocking him to the ground. Next Ashley does a one hand handstand, and proceeds to come crashing downwards to the zealot, crushing his balls with both her boots. She then back flips off him, wiping her skirt. "Wait! Wait! Mercy! Please." The zealot cries. "You're not allowed to do this! You can only use lanterns in 3-4 to hurt us!" "Well you're speaking English and you're not suppose to. And why the hell does everyone keep telling about the lanterns!?" Not really looking for an answer, she kicks the zealot in the chin, instantly killing him. "Let's go Leon." Leon stares as he puts his knees together and covers his crotch with his hands. "Yes ma'am! Right away!" |
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| Psiwri | Jun 21 2005, 06:06 PM Post #3 |
Too Many Words
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I've never experianced any form of RE for a while but that gave me a few laughs, my unobservant self saw no grammatical errors either, nice job so far =P |
 Please support my efforts in creating writing~ | |
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| Rinoa | Jun 21 2005, 06:08 PM Post #4 |
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At least I'm making fun of the game mechanics as I go along. Just like 8-Bit Theater, or Dragon Warrior 101. Dx |
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| ShinZaHoe | Jun 21 2005, 06:14 PM Post #5 |
Commander Kool XD!
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You should write one book like that. |
 Gimme a bag of cookies or I'll punch ya  Bags of cookies recieved from 1) Sacae 2) Eirika 3) Jaffar 4) Reaver 5) Hiei 6) Jester (half a bag) 7) Air Grady (stale) 8) Glen (a cookie missing) 9) Wind Sword 10) Sesshomaru 11) wvrn4ever (a cookie eaten) #13) NeoSora (swiss) 12) Shinta Kenshin (girl scout) 14) Hatake Asuka (radioactive) 15) Matt&Guy (fortune) 16) Frost Cornwell 17) Ocsob Drol | |
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| Rinoa | Jun 21 2005, 06:37 PM Post #6 |
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It's already takin glong enough to write up the story for 3-1. I don't think I could go on with doing the whole game. Dx |
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| ShinZaHoe | Jun 21 2005, 06:38 PM Post #7 |
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Commander Kool XD!
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Well thats just how good I think it you are. |
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Gimme a bag of cookies or I'll punch ya Bags of cookies recieved from 1) Sacae 2) Eirika 3) Jaffar 4) Reaver 5) Hiei 6) Jester (half a bag) 7) Air Grady (stale) 8) Glen (a cookie missing) 9) Wind Sword 10) Sesshomaru 11) wvrn4ever (a cookie eaten) #13) NeoSora (swiss) 12) Shinta Kenshin (girl scout) 14) Hatake Asuka (radioactive) 15) Matt&Guy (fortune) 16) Frost Cornwell 17) Ocsob Drol | |
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| Rinoa | Jun 21 2005, 06:43 PM Post #8 |
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I appreciate the compliment. But I'm starting to run out of jokes real fast for the story, and I'm only in the 2nd main room of the entire chapter. I really need to find a faster way to progress through all this. |
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| Alynn'nari | Jun 23 2005, 10:03 PM Post #9 |
Elven Bard
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Nice work Rinoa, they were pretty funny *supress' a snicker* Keep up the good work. |
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| Rinoa | Jun 30 2005, 05:01 AM Post #10 |
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Wow, finnally got the next part of it done. It took me about 20 minutes though, and I'm pretty tired, so I apoligize for some NOT good jokes. ------------------------- They calmly walk across the bridge looking to the left and the right seeing a gracious view of the ocean. Its beauty amazes Ashley, a little too much. “WOW! Look at this! It’s so amazing Leon! Check it out with me! Quickly! Quickly!” Leon turns to look at her, shakes his head and proceeds to walk up to a crank. “Where are you going Leon? Check this out with me! Pleaaaaaaaaase!” Leon starts to rotate the crank as Ashley goes up to him and looks around. “You know Ashley… I never thought of it till now. But you sound like that Sandy Cheeks person from Spongebob.” He continues to spin the crank round and round as a cannon starts to appear. “WHAT!?” She slaps him on the back of the head as the cannon starts falling rapidly downward. “How could you make such a comparison?” “Simple. You sound Texan, and it’s squeaky and annoying.” He gets up, rubs his head and then starts cranking at it again. Finally getting the cannon back to the top, he walks over to it. “You don’t have to be so blunt when comparing me to crap.” She walks behind him. “Hey… What’s this cannon for anyways?” “You know what Ashley. Why don’t you get in and check it out. You might be able to get back home a lot quicker to your father.” Leon snickers as he looks over towards the large door they passed. “Ha ha… Funny Leon. You’re a really great comedian, you know that?” Ashley rolls her eyes and starts walking down the bridge. “That’s SCOTT KENNEDY, you twit. I have a Leon in front of that. And besides, I’m not big and gay.” He cries, then shaking his head. “Alright, just wait at the end of the bridge for me. I’m going to fire this cannon in… Three… TWOONE!” He pulls the string provided for extra comedy, as an imaginary cannonball shoots out and BLOWS up the giant barricade. He raises an eyebrow at the mysterious lack of a ball, but that wasn’t important right now. What was is the disposal of As---... The parasite within. They once again, start running again across the bridge and make their way across the platform towards the giant door. Christ, doesn’t anyone get TIRED of holding the ‘B’ button? Guess it’s better than just PUSHING IT OVER AND OVER again… As they walk around the corner, they spot something horrible… Something they would never want to see in a million years... But it had to been done... Yea I’m tal— "What are ya buying?" “...Didn’t I kill yo—“ "What are ya buying?" “I have no time for this crap... He starts to walk off as he turns and looks at Ashley. “HEY! GET BACK HERE! You are not to buy anything without my permission? Got it DOG?” He shakes his head and walks into the next room of the castle. |
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| ShinZaHoe | Jun 30 2005, 05:06 AM Post #11 |
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Commander Kool XD!
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AHAHAHA that was good, pure genius. Good work Rinoa. Holding the 'B' button lol thats good. |
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Gimme a bag of cookies or I'll punch ya Bags of cookies recieved from 1) Sacae 2) Eirika 3) Jaffar 4) Reaver 5) Hiei 6) Jester (half a bag) 7) Air Grady (stale) 8) Glen (a cookie missing) 9) Wind Sword 10) Sesshomaru 11) wvrn4ever (a cookie eaten) #13) NeoSora (swiss) 12) Shinta Kenshin (girl scout) 14) Hatake Asuka (radioactive) 15) Matt&Guy (fortune) 16) Frost Cornwell 17) Ocsob Drol | |
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| Rinoa | Jun 30 2005, 09:19 AM Post #12 |
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I know that running has it downsides... ::Points to Garrador:: But they could at least make it auto-run, and hold B to walk! |
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| ShinZaHoe | Jun 30 2005, 07:28 PM Post #13 |
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Commander Kool XD!
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Yeah I know what you mean, it does get quiet frustrating from time to time. |
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Gimme a bag of cookies or I'll punch ya Bags of cookies recieved from 1) Sacae 2) Eirika 3) Jaffar 4) Reaver 5) Hiei 6) Jester (half a bag) 7) Air Grady (stale) 8) Glen (a cookie missing) 9) Wind Sword 10) Sesshomaru 11) wvrn4ever (a cookie eaten) #13) NeoSora (swiss) 12) Shinta Kenshin (girl scout) 14) Hatake Asuka (radioactive) 15) Matt&Guy (fortune) 16) Frost Cornwell 17) Ocsob Drol | |
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| Alynn'nari | Jul 4 2005, 02:21 AM Post #14 |
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Elven Bard
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XD That was funny keep up the good work Rinoa. |
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