Jaffar

Jun 23 2005, 08:54 PM

Zhang Jiao =D

Anyone who can summon Phanton Armies and summon windstorms is the man.

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Here's a heap. O_o Good old senile people.

I once knew a senile guy, named Doug. He kept talking about how maths made the universe, and when your toe itched your guardian angel was warning you of something. And after every sentence he said "Think about it." And he ate a rose. Like, whole. At one point he was explaining to my sister how fat people weren't aloud to marry thin people.
ANYWAY!

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Athos/Eliwood:

Athos: Eliwood, did I ever tell you about when I knew Nergal as my friend?
Eliwood: No, but I have a feeling you're going to tell me...
Athos: Right from the bat, though, I knew something about him was evil.
Eliwood: Like what?
Athos: There was that time he ate that baby and said "Mmm! Snickers ®! For that satisfying crunch!", but we paid him no mind.
Eliwood: But what about the baby?!?
Athos: Don't think he minded either.
Eliwood: You really are an idiot.
Athos: Well, that's because *removes beard/hair wig* Nergal took a bite out of my head.
Eliwood: And you didn't notice?
Athos: Well, since most of my brain is gone, no.
Eliwood: Did he say what you taste like?
Athos: Pinecone.
Eliwood: Pinecone?
Athos: No, I said Pinecone!
Eliwood: Yar! *stabs Athos*

Moral: Old people obviously have bites out of their heads.

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Serra/a purple crayon and all of the magic users
Serra: Erky???
crayon: ....
Serra: Erky, what's wrong?
crayon: ....
Serra: You can tell me, Erky!
-Long, not-so-funny support, everyone except athos and the crayon leaves-
crayon: .... 
Athos: .... 
Ending: Athos gets hungry somehow and eats the crayon. Then he dies in a foreign land and yadda-yadda-yadda....

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Athos: Oooooh! Is this another crayon that I can eat???
Canas: AAAAHHH! Stay away from me you idiot!
Athos: *GASP* YOU CAN TALK! BUT YOUR A CRAYON!!!
Canas: Wow, Nils was right, your an idiot...
Athos: Well, I'm not stupider than Bartre!
Canas: We'll see..... CRYPTOPALEONTOLOGY!!!
Athos: AHHHHH!!! MY HEAAAAAAD!!! HARD WORDS MAKE MY HEAD HURT!!! *faints*

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Ending: Jaffar gets married to Lyn and Nino marries Mark. They try to stay seperate for as long as they can. Then Athos ate another crayon for some reason.

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Ending: So, Sain ended up single..... yet again....... but this time, none of the girls would speak to him...... Athos eats a crayon....... The end........

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Rath: *Rides in on horse* Well, I've had enough of this... *Crits everyone*
Everyone: CRAP!!! *Dies*
Nergal: *Runs in with Athos* HAHA!!! RATH TALKED!!! I HEARD HIM!!!
R: *Crits Nergal* Now did anyone else hear me talk?
Athos: *Hesitantly raises hand*
R: *Crits Athos*
A: Owie... *Dies*

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Karel: Man, when they get older, they'll be humpin' like bunnies.
Athos: BUNNIES!!! *Eats Karel*

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Sain: *To Serra* BEAR MY CHILD!!!
Serra: Okay! I'm horny as a bunny!
Athos: BUNNY!!! *Eats Serra*
Sain: Aw poop...

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Sonia: I like bunnies!
Athos: BUNNIES!!! *Eats Sonia*

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Athos: Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle all the- ACK!!! *Gets hit with giant axe*
Fargus: *Takes axe out of Athos* WHY ME?!?!
Athos: Because... *Spots glowing bunny* RADIOACTIVE BUNNY!!! *Eats bunny and grows 100 feet tall*
Fargus: ... Well that isn't good...
Athos: *Steps on Fargus*
Fargus: *Gets stepped on*
Dart: YAY!!! Now I'm captain! *Puts on pirate hat* Arr, matey!
Athos: *Steps on Dart*
Dart: Aw poop. *Gets stepped on*
Godzilla: *Insert Godzilla roar here*
Athos: *Faces Godzilla* GRR!!!
*Godzilla and Athos start fighting*

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Woman: Doctor, doctor, my children are on fire!
Erk: Well, that's because...FIRE! FWOOOOOOOSH!
Woman: Argh! The burning refuses to let me die!
Erk: I'm not even a doctor, and I hate you all.
Priscilla: But I'm a nurse!
Erk: Yes, yes you are.
Harken: *listens to whiny music and writes how much he hates his life on his livejournal*
Erk: FIRE! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Harken: Death?!? YAY!
Jaffar: Dot dot dot...
Erk: FIRE! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Jaffar: Exclamation point!
Sain: Hey, Priscilla, maybe you and m-
Erk: BARBEQUINATION, YOU SON OF A BRICK!
Sain: Son of a what, now? AAAAAAAAARGH! *burns to death*
Erk: YAR! I ARE CAST TEH MAGICS!
Kent: Hold on, everyone, this isn't the real Erk!
Everyone: GASP!
Kent: Yes, it's *pulls off mask* Archsage Athos?!?
Athos: Yes! Priscilla wouldn't go out with me unless I pretended I was Erk!
Priscilla: GASP! *throws up repeatedly*

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Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken: The movie.

With Clint Eastwood as Eliwood!

"You're gonna tell me where my father is, punk, or I'm gonna blow out your brains with this here .44 magnum rapier, you got me?"

Jerry Seinfeld as Hector!

"Why do they call it "Wolf Beil"? I mean, what does that even mean? It's an axe! Why don't they just call it "Big axe"?"

Britney Spears as Lyn!

"Ohmigod! Those, like, those jerks totally killed my-OOPS! My dress fell off!"

co-starring:
Matt Damon and Ben Affleck as Kent and Sain!
Tom Cruise as Raven!
The younger version of Shirley Temple as Nino!
Sean Connery as Archsage Athos!
Danny DeVito as Nils!
Bob Dylan as Jaffar!
Woody Allen as Matthew!
The entire band Linkin Park as Harken!
Michael Jackson as Ephidel, Sonia, Limstella, Dennig, AND Nergal!
Cameron Diaz as Lucius!

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Not Particularly Athos related, but funny...

There, lots of Athos madness. Athos wins.

Yeah. And canas would be Uber-Dapper and get glomped alot, Nils would walk on the ceiling, Renault would be like *says something mysterious*, Harken would be angsty and heaps of other running jokes. But the topic got Raped by CO and someone. ;_;