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| Ryusaki Ren & Oscuro | |
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| Topic Started: Nov 5 2009, 09:56 PM (94 Views) | |
| Post #1 Nov 5 2009, 09:56 PM | Ultima del Nigromante |
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Is a character like this allowed? Specifically, the Conversion's abilities. Is it alright if I don't use Cards, in exchange for a myriad of other unique abilities? If so, then I'll work hard to have this character approved as is, but otherwise, I'll already have another in mind. Are there any ways to 'register' without RPing an actual registration? If this character is approved, I'm not sure if that'd work very well. Human: Name: Ren Ryusaki Age: 24 years Gender: Male Description: 5' 8" tall, Ren has neck-length, straight black hair, requiring little or no grooming on his behalf. His skin is pale, and unblemished for the most part, save a pale scar stretched from his left shoulder blade to the right side of the small of his back. He is thin, with little muscle mass, and not terribly athletic, but is able to hold his own in a fight, having taught and trained himself in koshijutsu. He wears no colors, his outfits consistently black, white, and different shades of gray. His facial features are made up of slate gray eyes, a straight nose, thin lips, a proud chin, and lack of facial hair besides eyebrows and eyelashes. Personality: Lonely by nature, he is unconcerned with matters outside of his own. He is content with any happenings that do not affect him, and has never shown any outward bursts of emotion. His late older brother Ichiro, and friend-since-childhood Rina are the only people who he has ever cared selflessly about, others only receiving his respect with cold indifference. Biography: Being the second born son in a line of powerful businessmen, he was regularly neglected by his father, who was busy teaching his older brother the tools of the trade. He did not envy his brother, but looked up to him, taking in every word that Ichiro spoke to him with reverence. Although not as privileged as his brother, Ren learned faster, adapting to situations and circumstances to benefit himself. While his brother was allowed to attend school, Ren was to stay at home to care for the household, giving him little more status than a daughter assigned to chores would have, an insult he took to heart against his father. His teachings largely consisted of what he read in books, and what he learned through thorough observations of that which he takes interest to. His father, although a great businessman, didn't always end a deal with success, and his wrath was always focused on Ren. About seven years ago from the present, his brother, already in the business with their father, died in a shooting, caught in a cross-fire during an illegal deal. His father, mad with grief, killed himself with their only family heirloom, a nodachi that was to be Ichiro's inheritance, but not before giving Ren the horrible scar on his back. Receiving the sword in his brother's place, at his father's funeral, months later (Ichiro's service was held while Ren was hospitalized), after all others had left, he impaled it into his father's grave, before breaking the blade and leaving the shattered remnants embedded in the earth. His mother fell ill and died less than a year later, but Ren, having already moved out, had not learned of this, or simply did not care. Almost completely detached from the rest of the world, his best friend Rina the only thing anchoring him to reality, Ren lived a life of quiet solitude. He paid no heed to those who he met, having never spoken an idle word to anyone other than Rina since his father died. He kept in touch with her, but not personally, keeping to himself, living alone in the large mansion which he had inherited after finally learning of his mother's death. The upper floor of the house he no longer used at all, having moved all of his unwanted acquired possessions into the rooms above. The rest of the house, save his room and the kitchen, had been turned into a massive, sprawling personal library. Ren was living on money that had been left to him, not wanting to pursue a career. He'd have been unable to secure a decent job anyways; his highest level of education was officially a middle school diploma. Ren, even after doing all that he could to lead a peaceful life, still faced the difficulties that came with his status. He lived alone in a wealthy household with many extravagant items under his name. The perfect place for a thief to strike. His security systems were of cutting edge technology, but after a few months of sleepless nights and cautious days, he decided to take action against his intruders. He new all about the process of creating a Wizard, designing, coding, programming, and learned all about the process of Wave Change, or denpa henkan, both interesting him greatly. After many months of trial and error, he was able to construct Oscuro, an emotionless, obscure, and undeniably sinister being. Although simple in appearance, Ren was wary of the creature he had created, programming and activating a protocol that would constrain Oscuro to follow Ren's every whim without grievance, thus creating a mindless slave. In his first attempt to merge with the being, Ren was nearly killed by the sensation of melding with Oscuro alone, and although fearful, he pressed on, finally achieving a bond that, thought painful at every moment, gave him great power which he had never known before. (in the end, this character ended up sharing little more than my name ^^;) Wizard: Name: Oscuro Gender: N/A Description: Quite literally Ren's shadow, its true appearance can only be seen through a Visualizer, although blurred, as if looking through unfocused lens. It appears as a faceless, hooded figure, nothing more than darkness personified. Personality: N/A (shadowy and dark? >-<;) Biography: Physically, mentally, and spiritually binded to Ren, the entirety of its existence was spent besides its master.
(To himself)
(To himself)
(First meeting with Oscuro)
(Talking to Rina)
(Talking to Rina) Edited by Ultima del Nigromante, Nov 8 2009, 05:27 PM.
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| Post #2 Nov 7 2009, 02:10 AM | Ultima del Nigromante |
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Having completed as much as I can until further confirmation, I'd like someone to read over this for me. I hope the quality is up to par ^^;
Edited by Ultima del Nigromante, Nov 7 2009, 02:12 AM.
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| Post #3 Nov 7 2009, 10:46 PM | Rage_Kill |
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Using psp and hijacked 'nets. anyways, it can use multiple elements such as recovery and is also very strong. multi attacks should be bountiful but weak. i see you put time into this, but more in depth descriptions on the looks. |
 
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| Post #4 Nov 8 2009, 01:23 AM | Ultima del Nigromante |
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-Added image to conversion description. -Removed purga! effect. -Added aumentar! in its place. -Gave descriptions to limitar!, devastar!, lacerar!, and lisiado! -Weakened the "ending Ultima" effect. Edited by Ultima del Nigromante, Nov 8 2009, 01:24 AM.
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| Post #5 Nov 8 2009, 05:22 AM | Omega |
+10 points for dedication. Before I get into the nitty gritty (yes, I just typed "nitty gritty") of this profile, you should know a few things that are currently going on here at SFRP. One of those things is that we're going through a transitional period right now, so please be patient with us about approvals, the RP, etc. I don't think you'd go about complaining about that stuff, but just be aware that there are some unwritten rules/aspects that are in effect that you probably aren't aware of. To answer your first few questions about your character, something like this is fine. There's alot of thought thats been put into this, and although your Wave Conversion has a good arsenal of abilities, your general idea for this will be fine. You won't need to worry about registering your character since we've closed down registrations. Also, be aware that our character sheet (or at least some of our approval standards) will be changing in the near future. Of course, with a new sheet /approval standard, we'll have to go through reapprovals, even if this current character is approved. There shouldn't be a terrible amount to change hopefully. With that said, lets move onto your character ~~~ You have a very nice character sheet. Its descriptive and interesting to read, and isn't too absurd or anything (even if it is an emo kidd XD). It was enjoyable to read over. I don't have much to say about your Denpa Henkan or Ren. I don't see anything wrong with whats there, although I would like to see just a little more info in Oscuro's bio. You don't have to mess with that though, since its in Ren's bio, so what you have will do. Like most profiles, we're going to park at the weapons for a bit. I'll start by saying that in general it was hard to follow your attacks and abilities. In the first ability (abrazo!), you start to mention the Minions that can be summoned, but they aren't explained until ability 4 (alzar!). Although its explain and the information is there, running through this and trying to make heads and tails of these attacks and abilities was difficult. I suggest putting them in a logical order so that members you fight will be able to make sense of whats there a little easier (although your posts should clear most of that up anyway. It would just be nice to see a little more order). For Limitar, the threads work essentially in a straight line, correct? It doesn't follow the opponent if they dodge? I just want to clear this up to prevent confusion later on. Lisiado: Dealing ranged High damage is a little much, but I'll let you at least keep it at Modest if you'd like to be able to have the potential to use it every turn. If not, I'd like a bigger drawback than just having Sacrifice's attack be split in half (speaking of which, is that an indefinite effect if its used, or does it go away after awhile?) Explain Ennegrecido Espíritu a little better. How exactly does the spell work? Is it an auto hit, or does it work similarly to Pegasus' Magician Freeze? Destruir: This works essentially as a bomb, correct? I took it to mean such, but I was a bit confused as to what exactly you meant. Matar: Just so we're clear, this Scythe can be summoned with no problem the first time, deals Moderate damage per hit, and lasts 5 turns? To use it after that, you've got to sacrifice two minions to summon it again for another 5 turns? I don't see a point to ending Ultima prematurely. According to its last effect, getting out of Ultima would force him out of Wave Conversion anyway, so it wouldn't matter how much health he had left. I think you might of meant that the darkness that falls is only a result of after the 10 turn limit of Ultima, in which case you'll need to state a little bit clearer. Thats all I've got for your character. Now to backtrack and explain exactly what Rage meant. ~~~ With our current elemental system, abilities are strictly confined to the Main and Sub elements you currently have. This is going to change in the future, so don't forget about any abilities you'd like to have but can't because of an elemental barrier. Since the elements are going to be reworked, expect the Super Armor effect granted by the Dark element to go away once we get things fixed and in order. Also, you can take out the elemental drawback if you want. Its completely up to you, but I think its unnecessary to have. Also, be aware that we're allowing these attacks because you're removing the ability to use Battle Cards (which is fine to do). If you decide later at reapproval that you'd like to use Battle Cards, you'll need to heavily tweak your weapons. Thats all I got. Its 2:20 AM on this side of the planet right now, so I'm not going to bother proofreading <.<;. It was nice to be able to read through a quality profile again to approve. Too bad it just took me forever to do it >.<; |
There is ALWAYS a possibility.
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| Post #6 Nov 8 2009, 01:04 PM | Ultima del Nigromante |
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I shall clarify what needs clarification and order what needs organization. For the specific commands...
Correct. It appears as eight black threads (thumbs are not fingers) that only begin to wrap around an opponent on contact.
Lisiado I will weaken, and while Sacrificio does raise "Ren's next direct attack", and not attacks, I'll add in a bit that's clearer. I forgot to give this a physical description (some of the others I only just remembered). I'll add one in. Well... Yes, in a sense. I'll clear things up. *copy-paste* Well... Yes, in a sense. I'll clear things up. (Yes, with the activation of Ultima, he would presumably materialize it as soon as possible. Seeing as the Ultima effect lasts ten turns, and the scythe only five, he may only restore it once with the use of Minions. Scythe: [build, 5]>[4]>[3]>[2]>[1]>[rebuild, 5]>[4]>[3]>[2]>[1] Ultima: [5]>[4]>[3]>[2]>[1]>[5]>[4]>[3]>[2]>[1] []= Turn for either effect. #= Number of turns left for scythe.) ~Edit: On the limits of the elements, wouldn't it be possible to give any of them any ability from another by simply changing the description? An entangling vine can be changed to a shifting extremity of ice, a tendril of flame that prevents the foe from moving, or simply a tentacle, tail, etc. that allows any characters to do the same. What I mean is that there are few limits, if any, to what detailed writing can allow oneself to do. Oh yeah. He's not "emo" either. Edited by Ultima del Nigromante, Nov 8 2009, 01:28 PM.
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| Post #7 Nov 8 2009, 03:41 PM | Omega |
Everything looks good, aside from what you just described Matar to be. Your example suggests that using Ultima keeps the scythe out permanently, although its not directly written in your profile. That ability is fine, but you'll just need to add it to your Ultima description so members won't bring up technicalities on abilities that aren't there.
You bring up a good point, which is why we're changing how elements are going to be viewed. Their focus will be more of strength/weakness as opposed to actual abilities and such, although a character's attacks and elements will still need to make sense with each other. It'll give more flexibility in creating characters which is the idea. |
There is ALWAYS a possibility.
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| Post #8 Nov 8 2009, 04:52 PM | Ultima del Nigromante |
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That was kind of the point. It basically means that although matar! can indeed be used the entire time Ultima is in effect, with the limit and choice on whether to attack and defend, it would be better to rely on his Minions to fight for him. To sacrifice his Minions for prolonged use of the scythe would mean that he is sure of himself in that he'd able to finish off his opponent by himself. You could say that having the scythe last only five turns in its first use would be a fail-safe in and of itself. Again, this is mostly for RP effect. To put it simply, although it is indeed possible for him to use it the whole ten turns, it is very unlikely, and there's also the chance Ren wouldn't use the scythe until later, or at all. |
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| Post #9 Nov 8 2009, 05:04 PM | Omega |
| Okay. Add it in your Ultima description and you'll be set. |
There is ALWAYS a possibility.
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| Post #10 Nov 8 2009, 05:10 PM | Ultima del Nigromante |
| Add what? Just that it's indeed possible, though unlikely, for him to use it the whole time? |
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| Post #11 Nov 8 2009, 05:54 PM | Omega |
| Yes. You've explained that he'd be able to have the potential to use it for the whole 10 turns he's in Ultima, but its nowhere in your actual Character sheet. Just put it in there for clarification so members aren't going "WTF. You have to sacrifice peoplez to use it again." |
There is ALWAYS a possibility.
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| Post #12 Nov 8 2009, 06:19 PM | RyuuNoYami |
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This is a great character profile. Very well thought out. Images are a nice bit, but the detailed description for [human] Ren was very precise. The abilities and such seem fine after some clarification (This board uses that word too much...), and sorta because Omega hasn't been able to pick out any hidden loopholes either... *brands |
Sarcasm&Cynicism Incarnate is BACK!
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| Post #13 Nov 8 2009, 06:21 PM | Ultima del Nigromante |
| I have added in a sentence at the end of the description for matar! I hope that should suffise. Thank you, Ryuu. Any name, as long as I know you are addressing me, is fine. |
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| Post #14 Nov 8 2009, 07:20 PM | Omega |
| That wording will work. Approved. Post this again in the PC Profiles section, and you can start RPing. |
There is ALWAYS a possibility.
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