Viewing Single Post From: Football Funnies

Viewing Single Post From: Football Funnies
Ninja Boi	Feb 12 2008, 01:22 PM
The Lego Master Posts: 5,686 Group: Admin Member #3 Joined: August 17, 2007	Quotes of the week By Chris Charles Roy Keane You think this is angry? Wait 'til I've had a trim "I think the haircut helps. Having my hair cut used to help me. I used to feel leaner and sharper. Meaner. So I might shave mine next month." Sunderland boss Roy Keane after newly-shorn keeper Craig Gordon pulled off a series of fine shaves against Wigan. "I'm not saying whether I'm wearing them, but I hope I don't get knocked down by a bus on the way home!" Bristol City manager Gary Johnson dedicates the victory over Sheffield Wednesday to the pair of lucky pants his mum bought him. "The bottom line is Steven Gerrard doesn't need to be England captain, but you get an extra 10% from JT if he's in charge. I'm not saying John is less of a player when he's not captain..." Former England boss Steve McClaren gets himself in a tizzy after backing 'JT' for the national team captaincy. "I'm sure he'll have a headache because I hit him with shots where his face was changing shape but he was still standing there." Amir Khan on rearranging the face of Gary St Clair. "I am not a Messiah." Fabio Capello realises he can't compete with Kevin Keegan. "A lot of people have aches and pains - I had one or two before I got there!" Munich air crash survivor Harry Gregg produces a lighter moment at the service to mark the 50th anniversary of the disaster. "The only feedback I've had off the chairman is him asking me 'Do you want a pie?'" Steve Bruce insists the chips aren't down at Wigan. "He didn't play in any of the six away games in the last qualifying group. We have asked him if he could manage a few this time around, we would appreciate it! Now we have got three away friendlies on the run, and the bookies in Cardiff have offered me 11-1 that he won't be in any of them." Wales manager John Toshack wants Jason Koumas to start playing away. "It seems as if the Premier League is more interested in going on holiday at the moment and sunning themselves in Los Angeles or Japan." Brentford manager Andy Scott will take action on goal-line technology over a worldwide Premier League any day of the week. "This is the night 'The Executioner' gets executed." Joe Calzaghe promises to inflict some capital punishment on Bernard Hopkins. AND SOME FROM YOU "As I sit here with a couple of world class hookers..." Gaby Logan after the France-Ireland rugby match. (She was referring to co-commentators Wood and Ibanez.) (Aaron, England). "It was good just to see them train, get a feel of them." New Scotland boss George Burley gets to know his squad a bit better. (Jolyon Edwards, UK). ''It certainly sounds like he's in Buenos Aires.'' 5 Live commentator after speaking to a Davis Cup reporter. (Marcus Jackson, England). "He swivels his hips like Marilyn Monroe!" GolTV's Ray Hudson on Royston Drenthe, during Real Madrid's 7-0 walloping of Real Betis. (Senora Kati, USA). "A spirited performance where we ran out winners by one goat to nil." From Dagenham website after performance against Wycombe. Goat?! (Jamey Barron, Liverpool). "You always lose when your opponents score and you don't." Words of wisdom from France coach Raymond Domenech after losing 1-0 to Spain. (Julian, England). "Ghana are finding it difficult to impregnate the Cameroon defence." Eurosport commentator during the Ghana-Cameroon Africa Cup of Nations semi-final. I think he meant 'penetrate'! (Edd, England). "The middle stump is having a sideways look on life." David Lloyd's response after a Kiwi batsman was bowled in the second Twenty20 v England. (Simon Kendall, Cornwall). "I can't have a burger without putting on half a stone." John Hartson commenting on his struggle to keep fit. (Lisa B, UK). He retired shortly afterwards. Ed. "Sunderland have started like a house on fire!" Chris Kamara, Soccer Saturday. (Miller, England). "If it's going to go wrong I want it to go wrong the way I want it to." Falkirk manager John Hughes gets it all wrong. (Brendan, Glasgow). 'Brilliant' character in The Fast Show Yellow coats? Brilliant! "I don't know if he had a childhood trauma involving a man in a flourescent yellow coat." Eurosport's Gary Imlach suggests reasons for Cameroon defender André Bikey's insane sending off after pushing a medical worker at the Africa Cup of Nations. (Phil, England). "Matt Taylor is off - and what a chance he had. Two chances - three in fact, actually, if you count the third." Gary Weaver commentating on the Bolton-Portsmouth game as Matt Taylor goes off. (Paul Collier, USA). "Boumas scored Villa's first in the 48th minute then, just three months later, Carew scored his first of the game." Channel 7 reporter on the marathon Aston Villa-Newcastle game. (Ruairidh Calderwood, Australia). "Mark McGhee had the right word for the conditions - 'not adept'." Setanta Sports' Craig Burley after the Motherwell-Celtic game was called off.(Brian Duncan, Scotland). "Steven Reid's knee has blown up, so we've sent him back to Blackburn." Ray Houghton on Talksport - must have been an explosive tackle. (Cocknio DiCanio, England). "We didn't treat them like some Greek myth. There was no Godzilla out there.'' David Tyree of the New York Giants after beating New England Patriots in the Superbowl. So Godzilla is part of Greek mythology, then? (Carsten Adamsen, Denmark). "Dwight Yorke has come off - and the only man who could replace him...was the son of a Prica man." Sky Sports' Jeff Stelling on Sunderland substitute Rade Prica. (John, Scotland). "Lewis Moody leaps in the air like the salmon that he is." Matt Dawson commentating on England v Wales in the Six Nations. (Phil Langley, UK). "I'm not that bloke Mystic Meg." Rio Ferdinand gets the sex of his astrologers muddled up while being asked what impact Fabio Capello will have on the England team, according to the Daily Mail. (Lee, England). "Derby are toothless in attack, there's no way they'll score." Phil Thompson on Soccer Saturday watching Birmingham v Derby. Derby equalised just as he finished his sentence. (Jonathan Wood, England). "I've got more points on my licence - I'm not joking!" Derby manager Paul Jewell on his side's meagre points total. (Chris, England). "Believe you me, if that ball had gone in the net, it would have been a goal." Willie Miller (Aberdeen Director of Football) commentating on the Dundee United-Hibs game for Radio Scotland. (Kevin McCann, Edinburgh). THE MOTTY AND LAWRO SHOW Lawro: "Who votes for these things?" Motty: "I think it's done, as they say, online." Lawro: "Geeks!" BBC commentary team discussing Steven Gerrard being voted fans' player of the year. (Anthony Burdett, England). "And Wayne Brown brings the ball down." Motty gets mixed up during the England-Switzerland match. Wayne Brown? (Charles McAndrew, England). "You could say it would have been David Beckham's night, had he been here." Motty on Becks.(Jan, England). "Senderos is multi-lingual, which means he can say 'ouch' in five different languages." Lawro after Phillippe Senderos took a knock during the game. (Kenny Lomas, England). "Crouch on the right and Wright-Phillips on the left coming on now for England." Thanks, Motty - they're two players I often get confused!(Ian Dunnett, England). "Now it's time to find out if Capello likes playing with a big centre forward." Motty again. (Richard Beckett, England). CHANTS OF THE WEEK "Jim Bullard, Bullard, He's better than Steve Gerrard, He's thinner than Frank Lampard, Jim Bullard, Bullard." Fulham fans salute Jimmy Bullard. (Chaz Whelton, England). "Shanghai on Tuesday Nights!" Bristol City fans give their thoughts on being promoted to the Premier League during the defeat of Sheffield Wednesday. (Gary Turner, Bristol). "Who's the w*** with the drum?" Sheffield United fans against Colchester. "Sam's the w* with the drum!" Colchester fans reply. (Greg, England). "We are impeccable!" Man City fans at Old Trafford after the stadium announcer thanked them for their impeccable behaviour during the minute's silence. (Kevin, Scotland). "Time for your sandwiches!" City fans to their United counterparts 10 minutes before half-time as some started to leave their seats. (Paul Edwards, England). "I'd rather be a sausage than an egg!" Sung by Birmingham fans at recent away games. (Jordan Robinson, England). What?! Ed. "Our ginge is better than your ginge!" Bolton supporters against Portsmouth, referring to Gary Megson and Harry Redknapp. (Jack Hobson, England). "Don't blame it on Staunton, don't blame it on Givens, don't blame it on Keano, blame it on Delaney." Irish chant to chief executive John Delaney during the Brazil game, regarding the chaos surrounding the vacant manager's post. (Pádraig Ó Muireagáin, Ireland). "Just one Capello, give him to me, delicious manager, from Italy!" England fans v Switzerland. (Leon, UK). "You should stick to rugby league!" Plymouth Argyle fans to Hull. (Chris, Cornwall). "Return of the Mac!" Leeds fans welcome home Gary McCallister. "Dennis Wise, he's a k, he left the Leeds for an admin job!" And bid farewell to Dennis Wise.(Peter Smithson, UK). "He's bald, he's old, he never plays in goal - Jens Lehmann, Jens Lehmann." Man City fans to Lehmann.(Ste Wadsworth, England). STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK* "Please stand for the national anthem of the Republic of Northern Ireland." The MC at St Mary's before the start of the England U21 international with the Republic of Ireland. (Steve Hickman, England). "Please ignore the scoreboard, it is a bit out." Heard at the Wales-Scotland match.(Gareth Hubback, Wales). BANNERS OF THE WEEK "Commit all your crimes when Sachin is batting. They will go unnoticed because even the Lord is watching." Tribute to Sachin Tendulkar at the SCG. (Siddharth, India). "Shaun Pollock: Giving ginger kids cred since 1995." At 5th ODI between West Indies and South Africa. (Max Forrester, USA).


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