Viewing Single Post From: LOVE IS IN EVERYTHING

Viewing Single Post From: LOVE IS IN EVERYTHING - Part 3
oncetherewasaway	Dec 4 2007, 08:41 PM
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Derek smiled and turned to head downstairs. They could definitely talk later. He should probably take some time to think before they talked and she probably needed it too. Thinking would come first and then they would worry about the big important talk. That they should have had ages ago. Most couples had it early on and here they were having it when it had nearly been too late. It wasn't that he didn't want kids. Having kids with Meredith would be...he was guessing it would be amazing. Really and completely amazing. He was just entirely sure he was done with that part of his life. He wanted his own life now. He wanted a life with Meredith. He wanted to grow old with her. He wanted to take off randomly to wine country. He could do that with her now. And there was Hannah. Hannah adored being the only child, she adored having her mommy and daddy, having long forgotten a time in her life when Meredith was anything but her mommy. Hannah was happy and well adjusted and finally really getting a great life. She didn't need a sibling, he wasn't even sure she would want a sibling. It would change everything in their family unit. "Daddy!" his daughter came running up to him as he descended the final steps, thankful for the interruption. He didn't even need to be thinking about this right now. "Hannah! Is that chocolate I see on your face?" he asked. "Um...no," she shook her head quickly, running her pajama sleeve across her face. "And now you have chocolate on your pajamas." "Sorry, Daddy," she giggled. "Uncle Monkey let me have two donuts." "Of course he did," Derek rolled his eyes. "Mom sent me down to make sure you didn't get too much sugar." "I think too much is three donuts and I only had two," Hannah grinned. "And I saved Mom one." "Good," Derek grinned. "She'll be down in a few minutes." "That's good," Hannah sighed. "Because I had to hide it from Uncle Monkey." "Was Uncle Monkey trying to eat all the donuts again?" "No," Mark frowned as he came into the hallway carrying a cup of coffee. "Hannah Banana was the one trying to hog all the donuts. I saved her from a death of sugar overload." "Oh but she would enjoy going that way," Derek laughed. "If you want me to kill your kid with donuts, I can do that," Mark smirked. "Thanks for the offer but I'll keep her around," Derek sighed. "Come back to me in three years." "What happens in three years?" Hannah asked. "You'll be a teenager," Derek frowned. "What's a teenager?" "It's what comes between being a kid and an adult." "And it means your dad will have to buy a gun or something," Mark sighed. "Hell, I'll buy one too." "Why a gun?" Hannah frowned. "It's something we'll talk about when you're older, Han," Derek shook his head, frowning at Mark. "Why don't you go get dressed?" "Okay," Hannah nodded. "Tell Mom her donut is in the cupboard with the glasses." "That's where the last chocolate one with sprinkles went?" Mark frowned. "Maybe," Hannah giggled before running up the stairs. "She's sneaky," Mark shook his head. "You taught her well," Derek shrugged. "You make a good point," Mark laughed before running his hand over his face. "You ever going to tell me what's going on?" "No idea what you're talking about, Shep." "You live on my couch." "Every once in a while." "Almost every night." "Still not seeing the problem here," Mark groaned as he turned to go back towards the kitchen. "I'm your best friend, we're supposed to talk about things or something." "Marriage has turned you soft, man." "You're not avoiding this talk by starting some stupid fight." "Fine," Mark turned to him. "You tell me why you look like shit and I'll tell you all about how fucked up my life is." "Didn't sleep much last night," Derek shrugged. "Yeah, and not in a good way either." "Definitely not in a good way," Derek sighed. "Good to know my marriage isn't the only one going to shit," Mark sighed. "My marriage is definitely not going to shit," Derek frowned. "Mark, what's going on?" "Hey guys," Meredith sighed as she came down the stairs, her wet hair pulled back in a ponytail, a garbage bag in her hands. "Hey Mer," Derek grinned. "Donut in the cupboard with the glasses." "Yeah, Han told me," she smiled slightly. "Coffee?" "Please," Derek groaned. "Yeah," she breathed, moving into the kitchen and throwing her smaller garbage bag into the trash can. "Definitely need coffee. Lots of coffee." "Here," he smiled as he poured her a cup. "You okay?" "I'm good, Der," she nodded, taking the coffee gratefully. "Are you...I mean, we're...but you're good, right?" "I'm good," he nodded, kissing her quickly. "Tired?" she asked as she moved to grab the hidden donut. "Definitely," he sighed. "You?" "Exhausted. Coffee will be amazing today. Lots of coffee and maybe naps in on call rooms." "Use the couch in my office." "I'm fine taking a nap in an on call room, Derek," she rolled her eyes. "But I like having you in my office." "And I like taking naps. And if I'm in your office, there won't be any naps. There'll be...well, there'll be things other than naps." "I'd let you sleep." "I have a hard time believing that." "I will." "Even I have a hard time believing that, Shep," Mark chuckled. "Wonderful," Derek rolled his eyes. "I have self control." "Of course you do," Meredith giggled. "I do," he protested. "Hmmm hmm," she nodded. "I do." "Okay, Der." "You don't believe me," he sighed. "I didn't say that," she smiled. "No, you didn't," he shook his head. "You used your patronizing whatever you say Der voice." "It's okay if you don't have self control, Derek," she murmured, brushing against him to put her coffee cup in the sink. "Will you come sleep in my office?" "Maybe." "You will." "Maybe." "You will," he murmured, leaning over to kiss her gently. "Really?" she breathed against his lips, her hands moving to his hair. "Definitely." "You two are disgusting," Mark groaned. "We'll stop being disgusting if you tell me what the hell is going on," Derek offered. "Nothing is going on, Shep," Mark growled. "And no matter what she says, it's nothing on my end." "What does that mean?" Meredith asked. "It means nothing is going on." "Something is definitely going on," Derek sighed. "Drop it, Shepherd," Mark ordered. "I'm just worried about you, Mark." "Nothing to worry about." "You're living on my couch. That's something to worry about." "So I'll stop living on your couch," Mark shrugged and then turned towards the stairs. "Hannah Banana, bring down your hairbrush!" "You don't have to stop living on our couch," Derek sighed. "There's nothing to worry about. Addison and I are...we're fine," Mark said firmly. "And don't give me that shit about how fine doesn't mean fine. That's your wife's thing." "I won't," Derek nodded. "But fine doesn't mean sleeping on my couch." "Mark, we're just...I mean, we're worried," Meredith sighed. "You and Addie were good. You were cute and married and happy and talking about...you were happy. And now you're living on our couch and...we're worried. That's it. Because you were happy and now you're not. You're not happy which is...and you can talk. To Derek or me or..and you can talk." "Exactly what she said," Derek nodded, watching his friend carefully. "There's nothing to talk about," Mark said after a moment. "Fine," Derek sighed. "But when there is...you can talk to either of us." "Here, Uncle Monkey," Hannah said as she ran down the stairs, her face now clean and her hairbrush in her hand. "Why thank you, Hannah Banana," Mark smiled at her. "Sit down and we'll figure out your hair." "I think a braid today," Hannah reported. "Jenny said last night on the phone that she was going to do a braid and if I do a braid then we'll match and she's my best friend at school." "Braid it is," Mark nodded. "Did you find your donut, Mom?" Hannah asked as Mark stood behind her and moved the brush through her curls "I did," Meredith grinned. "Thanks, Han." "I had to hide it from Uncle Monkey," Hannah giggled. "You did very good," Meredith nodded. "So, Han, what do you say if I take you to school this morning?" Mark grinned, pulling her hair back. "Really?" Hannah grinned. "Really," Mark nodded. "I probably have better music than your dad." "Probably," Hannah giggled. "Daddy, can Uncle Monkey take me to school?" "Of course he can," Derek smiled. "Gives us a little extra time." "Cool," Hannah smiled. "Well if Uncle Monkey is taking you to school, then I'm going to go upstairs and finish getting ready," Meredith sighed. "You probably should too, Der." "I should," Derek nodded. "Han, be good for Uncle Monkey." "I'm always good for Uncle Monkey," Hannah giggled. "Of course you are," Derek laughed, kissing his daughter quickly. "I'll see you later, Han." "Bye, Daddy. Bye, Mom." "Love you, Han," Meredith smiled, kissing her quickly. "All right, Han," Mark said, putting the brush down. "We're all set. Let's go." "Okay," Hannah grinned, jumping out of her chair. "Bye!" "Bye," Meredith smiled as she turned and went back upstairs, Derek following closely behind her. "We actually have some time to kill," Derek sighed as he reached their bedroom. "We do," she sighed, falling onto the bed. "Bathroom's clean. I...I threw everything away.' "I figured that's what was in the bag," he nodded. "Okay," she breathed. "Okay." "Want to avoid it a bit longer?" "I...yes," she sighed. "Though we probably shouldn't. I mean, last night was...and we...we probably shouldn't avoid it but I'm good with avoiding it. Avoiding it means we don't have to think about it or say anything and if we say things...that could be bad. Really, really bad. So...avoiding it sounds good right now." "We'll talk about it soon," he nodded. "Soon is good." "We could have sex." "Seriously?" she raised an eyebrow. "Last night we...and now you...seriously?" "Mer...I'm not going to stop sleeping with you." "I know," she nodded. "I know. And I...I mean, sex is good. Sex is great and I don't want to...I like sex. With you. I'm not saying we stop having sex. That would be stupid and...but right now? Right now you want to have sex when last night...seriously?" "It might make us feel better," he shrugged. "Is there something wrong?" she asked quietly. "Because I'm...I'm fine." "We're both fine," he nodded. "And the second we're alone we're a little awkward. Sex might help." "We're not awkward." "We aren't?" "Maybe...only a little," she sighed. "But we're us. Awkward...we can't be awkward, Derek. Last night was...we're forgetting last night. But we can't be awkward." "We're us," he nodded, laying down beside her. "I don't think we'll ever be anything but us." "Us can't be awkward," she murmured, turning and wrapping her legs around his as she rested her head on his chest. "I think we have to be a little awkward after last night," he sighed, wrapping his arm around her. "But it will pass." "Good," she breathed. "Because I don't...as long as we don't...Mark and Addie." "God no," he shook his head quickly. "We'll never be like that." "Definitely not." "If you told me to go sleep on someone else's couch I wouldn't even listen." "I don't want you on someone else's couch." "Good," he smiled. "We're okay." "We're okay," she murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips. "Perfect, really," he grinned against her lips. Perfect," she smiled widely. "But, Der, at some point...I mean, we can't avoid it forever." "I know," he sighed. "But we're...I mean, we're avoiding it," she sighed. "Right now. Avoiding." "Which is fine," he nodded. "Next time...when Han goes to a friends for the night, we'll crack open a bottle of wine and talk about it." "Okay," she nodded. "That's...that's good. That's really good." "It is," he sighed. "We have a plan. That's not avoiding." "Exactly. It's...putting it off until a better time." "Exactly." "So that's good," she sighed. "And we have to get to work so talking about it now would be...it would be bad and stupid and...next time Hannah's at a friend's house. And Mark's at his own house. Then we'll...we'll talk." "We will," he nodded, squeezing her tightly. "And we'll still be us." "We'll still be us." "Forever and ever and ever." "And one more day." "And one more day," he echoed. "I love you, Derek." "I love you too, Meredith." It's easy to get lost in fear But maybe now the weight has lifted You're sailing through the air Disclaimer: The people that own Grey's Anatomy are silly. They seem to think that Rose is a nurse, capable of scrubbing in on surgeries. We all know she's a stripper with a rose tattoo on her inner thigh. Or she would be if we owned the show. Three weeks. It had been three weeks since she and Derek had sat in their bedroom waiting for five pregnancy tests. Three weeks. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe that had been almost a month ago. Couldn't believe that since then, they hadn't talked about it. At all. Not that there was anything to talk about. Well, there was. But not talking about it worked too. It was easier to ignore it. Work had been crazy recently. Insanely crazy and it felt like they were never actually home. Which kind of made the talking thing hard. And when they were home it seemed like Hannah or Mark were always there. A lot of Mark. Mark might as well be living with them and they still hadn't even talked about that. There had been no talking about anything. Just a lot of...crazy busy work. She hadn't even been home in two days at this point. She had barely seen him, except at work. And they couldn't just go into an on call room and talk about this. It was kind of a big deal. One of those big huge conversations that normal people used before getting married to decide if they wanted to be with somebody. So it was a conversation that couldn't just be had in ten minutes at the hospital. But they had to have it eventually, the nagging voice in the back of her mind that sounded a little like Susan and sometimes like his mom, kept telling her that. They needed to talk. Because she hadn't been pregnant this time, she had been lucky and had been fine. But she might not be lucky next time. She might get pregnant because they had a lot of sex and she didn't even know what he wanted. She didn't even know what she wanted. Hannah had been scary. But Hannah had had her dad. Hannah had already been her own person by the time she had gotten there. Hannah was...Hannah. A baby would be completely different. A baby wouldn't be like Hannah. And a baby could ruin all of this. And she loved all of this. And the fact was, she had never really wanted kids before Hannah. Hannah had been the exception. She hadn't even wanted Hannah but she was entirely impossible to say no to, especially when she came with her father. Hannah had been part of the deal, and Meredith loved the deal. And now they were married and Derek might want more. He wanted Hannah desperately. He loved being a father. He of course would want to have more babies. Which meant any conversation they could have about this would probably end badly. Because she didn't think she wanted babies. She didn't think she could be that mom. She loved being Hannah's mom. Being Hannah's mom was amazing but being the mom with a baby...she wasn't sure she wanted that. And she was only a resident. She worked for two days straight and didn't come home. That wouldn't be fair to a baby. This talk was going to be bad. And they couldn't actually avoid it any longer. Because she had just pulled up to their house and he was home. And Hannah was sleeping over at Jenny's house and Mark wasn't here. It was just the two of them. And this was supposed to be the time they were going to talk about it, this is what they had been waiting for and now her stomach was in a knot. She sighed as she got out of the car, locking it quickly and then moving as slowly as possible to the front door, wondering if she should bring it up. Because they couldn't avoid it. They couldn't. Even if it was going to be bad and terrible and there was going to be a lot of yelling...they couldn't avoid it. "Der?" she called out, her voice cracking as she walked into the house. "In the kitchen," he yelled back. Kitchen. He was in the kitchen. Probably making dinner or something equally Derek-y. Not that making dinner was a Derek-y thing only, everyone made dinner. Normal people all over the country were making dinner. But when he made dinner, it was Derek-y. Or she was just losing her mind. "Hey," she murmured. "Hey," he smiled, walking over and kissing her quickly. "What's for supper?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Steak and potatoes," he sighed, leaning into her. "Oh, a grown up meal," she smiled. "A grown up meal," he grinned. "If you tell me there's alcohol involved, I'll marry you again." "Bottle is on the table, just needs opening," he laughed. "This is why I keep you around," she sighed, moving out of his arms. "Of course it is," he smiled. "So..." she bit her lip as she grabbed the bottle opener. She didn't want to bring this up. She really didn't. But...they couldn't avoid it anymore. They just couldn't. "We're alone," he sighed. "I know," she nodded. "Mark and Addison are talking again or whatever and...we're alone." "Which...we're supposed to..." "Talk," she murmured. "We're supposed to talk. About...about what happened. Three weeks ago." "We are," he nodded. "So do we...I mean, should we? Since we're alone and there's wine. We should probably talk. About the thing. And whether...we should talk." "We should," he sighed. "It's...we need to talk." "Yeah. We do." "How are we supposed to start this conversation?" "I have no idea," she giggled nervously. "I guess...I mean...I was almost pregnant. Or not almost but I could have been. I'm not, but I could have been and you were...you were happy about me not being pregnant and I was happy about me not being pregnant and you...I mean...things happened. Big things and we should make decisions." "We should definitely make decisions," he nodded. "We should have...this is a talk that usually comes before the rings." "I think it's a dealbreaker talk," Meredith murmured. "Mer...there's...we don't have a dealbreaker talk," he shrugged. "We're us. Forever and ever and ever." "And one more day," she smiled softly. "Exactly," he smiled softly. "But it's a talk, Der," she sighed. "It's a talk. It's a talk we probably should have had ages ago but we didn't and then I was almost pregnant and...it's a talk. It's a big huge talk." "I know," he nodded. "I know." "So..." "Yeah..." "Wine," she said quickly. "We need wine. Alcohol helps with big huge talks." "Definitely," he nodded. She poured them each a glass of wine, handing his over before taking a rather huge sip of hers. It was a talk. The talk. The talk they should have had ages ago but didn't and now he was probably going to tell her he wanted kids and there would be a fight and bad things would happen. So wine was completely necessary for this talk. "Okay. We have wine." "We do," he nodded, taking a sip from his glass. "Derek," she groaned. "You do the talking thing. Not me. You do it. So...talk. Do the Derek-y thing." "Okay..." he nodded slowly. "Umm....do you...I mean, kids, I know you didn't but Hannah...do you want them?" "I...I don't know," she lied. Which was probably stupid. But she couldn't tell him the truth. Not now. Definitely not now. Maybe when they were both drunk but...she couldn't. "Do you?" "I..I don't know either," he shook his head. "Okay," she murmured, staring into the red liquid in her glass. "So...we don't know." "No...we don't...we don't know." "We don't...okay." "So...do we..." "What if I had been?" she blurted out. "Oh," he frowned. "I don't...I don't know. We would have...we would have figured something out." "Figured something out," she said slowly. "Okay. We would have figured something out." "We'd be...we would have been okay." "I know. We're us. And we...I know we would have been okay. I know." "But it's good you're not. I mean...yeah, it's good." "It is good. I mean...that I'm not. That's good. Really good. Right now." "We're not...we haven't been married long and it's good," he nodded. "Exactly," she nodded slowly. "But um...later...I mean, do you...later would it be good? Or would it be bad again?" "I don't know," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. "More wine," Meredith murmured, pouring herself another glass. "Definitely more wine," he nodded. "So...we don't know," she breathed as she poured him another glass. "Should we know?" "Probably." "But we don't." "We definitely don't." "Which is..." "Probably not good." "Okay," she breathed. "Yeah," he sighed. "You...I mean, before Hannah, did you want...I mean, did you want a lot of kids or just..." "I wanted kids. I never really put a number on it...I guess I figured that was something I'd figure out when the time came." "But you wanted them." "I did. And then I had Hannah and now...I don't know." "I don't..." she chewed on her lip, staring at the glass. He was being honest. Or maybe he was just saying what she was saying so she wouldn't feel bad. But she should tell him. She should tell him she didn't really want a baby. She had Hannah. She was happy with Hannah. "You don't?" he asked gently. "I don't know." "So we both don't know." "Yeah." "Which is...what do we do?" "I don't know." "Neither do I." "Crap." "Crap." Meredith sighed as she drained the rest of her wine glass, surprised by how light headed she already felt. Lots of wine and the talk was going nowhere. Which was probably her fault. She should just tell him. Just tell him she didn't want kids and just be done with it. But then he would...she probably just needed more wine. "Okay. Now what?" "I don't know," he murmured. "We keep saying that." "I know," he sighed. "You said I know," she giggled, clapping her hand over her mouth. "Sorry. Giggling is probably not the...sorry." "Giggling is good," he smiled. "I love the giggle." "But probably not the best time to be giggling." "Maybe not but don't apologize. We giggle and laugh and smiled. We're us, Mer. Us in the middle of a big conversation but still...us." "Which is...good." "It is," he smiled softly. "But we still...we still don't know." "I know," he nodded. "We will...we'll figure this out, Mer. We will." "Except we don't know right now." "No, we don't." "Okay." "We'll...I don't know, Mer. I wish I did." "You're...Derek," she sighed. "I know, that was lame. I know. I just...it was lame." "Well I am glad you know my name," he laughed. "You know what I mean," she giggled. "That I'm the one that's supposed to know." "Yeah," she sighed, the smile collapsing back into a frown. "Oh Mer," he sighed, pulling her into his arms. "We're us. It will be okay." "You keep saying that, Der." "Because it's true." "I know," she murmured, cuddling into his chest. "I love you. I always will." "I love you too." "We will be fine. We're not ever going to become Mark and Addison." "Who are talking now by the way." "Yes, I hope it stays that way." "Me too," she sighed. "Him not being here...I know he's your best friend it's just...well...it was like having a weird room mate or...anyway, I hope it stays that way too." "Mer, I hated him being here," Derek laughed. "Oh, I don't know," she smiled slightly, "you loved watching the hockey games with him. And the fishing. You were like Hannah at Christmas." "Okay, there were parts I liked about having him here. Small tiny parts." "You probably miss him already." "No, of course not. I have my wife, a glass of wine, and a nice meal." "And Hannah is at Jenny's house." "She is," Derek grinned. "All night." "Hmmm," Meredith nodded, pouring a little more wine into her glass. "And this talk...is going nowhere." "Which is bad." "It is," he nodded. "Maybe we're...I mean, we both don't know...take some time to think or something." "We took three weeks, Der," she sighed. "I know," he sighed, running his hands up and down her arms. "I know." "But I mean...maybe...thinking," she nodded. "That might be a good idea. Just think and get...and we're not in a rush. I mean, I'm on the pill and...we don't know right now." "We don't," he nodded. "We have time." "We do. And it's not procrastinating or avoiding, it's...thinking." "Thinking. And in the mean time we could..." "What?" "We actually have our house to ourselves." "We do." "I feel like we should be doing something about this." "We probably should," she giggled. "I think so, yes," he laughed. "What did you have in mind?" she breathed as she leaned forward to kiss him. "You...naked," he smirked. "I was thinking you naked." "We can both be naked," he suggested. "I like that," she giggled, quickly pushing his sweater over his head. "Me too," he smiled, yanking at her shirt. "Good," she breathed as they both stood up to work at getting each other's jeans off. He picked her up and set her on the counter, pulling her jeans down and to the floor quickly and then working at his own, gasping when she reached forward to stroke his erection through the difficult denim. "Mer..." he groaned, kissing her hard, letting his tongue dance with hers as he discarded of his own jeans finally. She took him in his hands, stroking him gently as he moaned into her mouth. "Derek," she moaned as his own fingers slipped into her, timing the thrust of his fingers with her ministrations, which were steadily picking up pace as they pleasured each other. This was...she wasn't even sure what this is except she probably shouldn't be thinking. Or actually couldn't think when he was thrusting his fingers into her and his erection was throbbing in her hands. "Meredith..." he gasped, his hips starting to rock into her, pushing her hand faster over him, as he pushed his fingers deeper into her, letting his thumb play along her clit. She worked her hands over him, her pace quickening as his hips rocked and his body shook, her own body starting to tremble as his fingers thrust deeper and harder into her, her back arching against the counter. "Derek...Der...now," she ordered breathlessly. She gasped loudly, grasping his back as his hands moved around to the back of hips, pulling her off the counter and closer to him as his hips rocked against her. "Derek," she yelped at his hard and needy thrusts. "Mer...Mer..." he breathed, squeezing her ass in his hands as he moved harder against her, his lips finding hers again and pressing a bruising kiss against them. "Fuck!" she screamed. "Fuck...Derek...oh god." He moved faster into her, losing all sense of rhythm as he tightened his hold on her ass, her head falling to his shoulder, biting down hard on the skin as he pulled her hair, forcing her to raise her lips from his shoulder as he kissed her again. "Oh god," he groaned, pulling his head away again as he trembled against her, pushing harder and harder into her as his hands tangled in her hair, yanking hard at it as he pounded into her. She moved her legs around his waist, her heels digging into his ass, pushing him deeper into her as his hips rocked harder against her. "Derek...Derek..." she screamed as her back knocked against the counter, briefly registering pain before finding his lips again to bite down hard on them. "Fuck," he gasped, tasting blood on his lips as he pulled his mouth back slightly, kissing her hard again, his hands leaving her hair and going back to her ass, pulling her even closer to him. "I'm...shit...Derek!" she screamed as her body tensed around him, the orgasm sending her hips rocking into his as her legs tightened around his waist. "Oh god, Mer!" he shouted as his body rocked one more time, bucking into her as his orgasm washed over him. Another orgasm washed over her as his body collapsed against hers, his hands moving to her hips to pull her up and back onto the counter as he knelt his forehead against hers, their chests heaving against each other. "Oh...god..." she breathed. "Oh...wow....oh," he murmured. "I...oh..I.." she stammered, trying to breathe again. "Derek, I..." "That...just....oh.." he breathed, kissing her gently. "You're bleeding," she murmured. "Just a little," he shrugged. "Sorry," she breathed. "Don't be," he shook his head. "I liked it.' "Me too," she gasped, laughing slightly. "That was...still not breathing." "That was...amazing." "Yeah...amazing." "I love you." "I love you too." "Hmm..." he sighed, running his hand along her back. "You okay? I wasn't gentle." "I'll um...bruises," she giggled. "Definitely bruises. But it was...that was...wow." "It was," he nodded. "Are you...are you okay?" she murmured, staring at the bite mark on his shoulder and his bleeding lip. "Definitely," he nodded. "Just...remind me to keep my shirt on around everyone but you till that goes away." "Who are you taking your shirt off around?" "I'm just saying," he laughed. "Same here," she giggled. "Don't...if people see my back..." "Mark might be impressed." "By bruises?" "Yes," he nodded. "I did good." "People are going to think you beat me, Derek." "No one is going to think I beat you," Derek rolled his eyes. "Bruises on my back?" she raised an eyebrow and then kissed him. "But yeah...you did good." "We could go upstairs and do it again...gentler." "Gentler is good," she giggled. "Just...give me a minute." "Of course," he nodded. "And...we'll talk...later." "We will," he sighed. "Ow," she breathed as she moved off the counter. "Are you okay?" "Yeah," she nodded. "I'm good. Just...you weren't gentle." "I know...sorry." "Don't apologize," she shook her head. "It was...you were...amazing." "It really was," Derek nodded. "We should have the house to ourselves more." "We could give Hannah away." "You love Hannah." "I'm willing to forget about loving her for more of that." "You...you're joking." "Yeah, I'd be lost without the kid," he sighed. "Yeah," she sighed, bending down gingerly to pick up her clothes. "Are you sure you're okay?" "Der...seriously...I'm fine." "Okay," he nodded. "Maybe not sex right away." "Maybe not," she sighed. "We can...cuddle. Naked. "We haven't cuddled naked in...well...a long time." "I know," he nodded. "So definitely naked." "Definitely," she smiled, wrapping her arms around him. "Love you," he murmured, squeezing her tightly before picking her up. "Derek!" she giggled. "What?" "Nothing," she laughed. "I love you too though." "Good," he smiled. "Upstairs." "Upstairs," she nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. "And naked cuddling." "Naked cuddling," she breathed, resting her head on his shoulder as he carried her upstairs. This was okay. They should be talking, she knew they definitely had to talk about this. But they had time. And this was so much better than talking. Talking might lead to fighting and she didn't want that. She didn't want to fight with him. She wanted this. She wanted the naked cuddling in bed which would probably lead to more sex. Talking could come later. They had time. Step, step right over the line And onto borrowed time Disclaimer: If we owned the show...you know that ambulance that flips next week? Of course you do. Well if you owned the show Rose would be standing around where it landed. Like...right where it landed. So it could land on her. Mean. But honest. Another week had passed and Derek was feeling quite certain they were becoming the world's worst couple. Not that they weren't happy. He was ecstatic to finally be home and see his wife, the love of his life. They were perfectly happy. They were still living in that newlywed bubble even though they were barely newlyweds. They just weren't bothering to communicate over certain big things. They communicated about everything else. They communicated about Hannah. They communicated about work. But when it came to the one thing he knew they should be talking about, they were silent. They never said a word to each other about it. If they did, it usually seemed to end in walking away or just sex. This wasn't the way to handle things. He knew that. They had to talk. They should have had this talk before they said I do. Except for around that time everything had felt like happiness and light and all that had mattered was the wedding part of it. He hadn't actually considered what it could mean for the future, what it was going to lead to. He hadn't even thought of this talk. And now it was time. They had to talk before something else happened. He just wasn't sure what to say to her. He wasn't even sure what to think about any of this. He loved his life. He completely loved his life, he couldn't imagine it being any different. When she had said she didn't want a baby four weeks ago, he had assumed she had meant at that moment. He had assumed she might want one at one point, or at least he might want a baby. Might. He wasn't sure. Which meant he wasn't sure exactly how to start this conversation. It was a big one and would change everything and for the first time since he had met her he had no idea how to actually talk to her. He didn't have an answer. He didn't even have an idea of what an answer might be. He was happy. They were happy. Their lives were possibly more perfect than he could have even imagined. But there was still this conversation. It was looming over them, it was constantly something just in the air. They were happy, they were okay, but it was out there. And he still wasn't sure what to say, or even what to think. Sometimes, the thought of having a baby seemed amazing. But most of the time, he couldn't imagine late nights and the crying. Not when everything was finally settling down. He had had Hannah. The second Hannah had entered his life he had figured that was it for him. And then Meredith had come along and everything had turned from great to perfect. And now he didn't know what he wanted next. He had never even thought about it. But this was good, this was great. A baby would change everything and as much as it would be amazing to share that with Meredith, he wasn't sure he wanted to. A baby was a lot of work, a lot of tears, a lot of exhausted and snappy moments. He didn't want his marriage to turn into that. He didn't want his marriage to turn into late nights crying in a corner and wondering why their baby was still screaming. Their lives were relatively stress-free. Work was insane, and there was nothing stress-free about raising a pre-teen, but their lives were calm right now. And he loved the calm. But they had to talk. Even if he had no idea what he wanted at this point, Meredith was his wife and his everything and not talking would just lead them to really bad places. They needed to figure this out together before it got to a point where it couldn't be figured out. He went inside and found a note from her saying she was out at the dock. The dock was generally good for talking. He put his briefcase down and went into the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee before heading back outside and down to the docks where his wife was sitting, a blanket wrapped around her and a cup of coffee in her hands. "You're home," she said quietly as he sat down next to her. "I'm home," he smiled, leaning over to gently kiss her cheek. "Good," she breathed, leaning into him, opening the blanket for him. "Hmm," he breathed, moving closer to her to wrap the blanket around him, wrapping her in his arms. "What did you do tonight?" "I took Eskimo for a walk, which is incredibly boring," she giggled. "What did you do?" "Saved a life," he grinned. "Well you are a doctor," she teased gently. "Thanks for the reminder," he laughed softly. "It wasn't even a complicated procedure." "It's good you saved a life." "It is," he nodded. "Mark picked Hannah up from ballet," she murmured. "It's their date night or something." "Okay," he sighed. "Mark's been spending a lot of times with Han recently." "He has," she nodded. "I know he and Addison are...they're kind of talking. And he's back at his house but...he's been spending a lot of time with Hannah." "That's odd, right?" "Maybe. He just seems...maybe she knows something." "Interrogating our ten year old would be wrong, right?" "I think most people would say it's wrong." "So we shouldn't do it?" "Probably not." "What about bribing her with cookies?" "Der..." "Fine, be the good parents," he sighed, squeezing her tightly. "At least they're kind of talking. And he's living there again. That's a good sign, right?" "Yeah, it probably is," Derek nodded. "He still seems...off or something. But it's better." "They both seem off," she sighed. "I...I'm on OB for the next month and Addison's definitely...she's off." "Have you tried to get her to talk?" "She won't. She talks about professionalism and...she won't talk." "Professionalism? You're family." "I think...I think she just wants to avoid it. It's easier to avoid it. Easier to forget it's happening or might happen or...she just wants to avoid it." "We still need to talk." "We were talking about Addison and Mark," Meredith murmured, tensing slightly against him. "We should be talking about...that thing we haven't been talking about." "It's not a thing," Meredith shook her head. "It's whether or not we want a baby." "Yeah," Derek nodded slowly, holding her a little tighter. "Yeah." "So have you..." "I...thinking," she murmured. "I'm thinking. Are you..." "Thinking," he nodded. "So we..." "Are apparently still thinking." "And still don't know?" "And still don't know." "Oh," she breathed. "Do you...know?" "No," she shook her head quickly. "No. I don't...I don't know. Thinking. I'm still thinking." "Okay," he nodded, letting silence fall between them. He knew he should talk more. He knew he should probably tell her about his list of concerns and about how happy he was with what they had and how he didn't know if he wanted more. He should be talking to her. But she might want children, she might want them badly some day. She was an amazing mom and one day she might want one that was truly her own. So he didn't know what words to use. "This isn't good," she said suddenly, quietly. "No, it probably isn't," he agreed. "We...we do the talking thing. And now we...I mean, we're still thinking. So that's...are you...we do the talking thing." "I know we do. We're good at the talking thing. But this...I don't know how." "Me neither." "We're even good at talking about not talking," he laughed softly. "We are," she smiled slightly. "Just not about this. We...why didn't we talk about this...you know, before?" "All I cared about was getting down that aisle and promising you forever...this...it didn't even cross my mind." "I know," she sighed. "It didn't...so we're still thinking?" "I think so...yeah..." "Okay," Meredith nodded as a car pulled up to the house. "That would be Hannah," Derek sighed. "So we'll...later?" "Later." "I love you," he murmured, kissing her gently. "I love you too," she breathed against his lips. "Later," he nodded. "Daddy! Mom!" Hannah grinned, running towards them, Mark following closely behind her. "Hey Hannah!" Derek smiled. "Uncle Monkey bought me pizza," she exclaimed as she sat down on the dock next to Meredith, pulling the blanket open to cuddle. "He did?" Derek grinned, quickly looking up at Mark. "Thanks, Uncle Monkey." "No problem," Mark shrugged. "My best girl deserves the best." "She does," Derek nodded. "And what's a date without dinner and ice cream?" Mark chuckled, ruffling Hannah's hair. "A pretty bad one," Meredith giggled. "She's ten, Grey...Meredith," Mark frowned. "And we had fun, didn't we, Han?" "Lots and lots of fun," Hannah nodded quickly. "Exactly. She kicked my ass at Pacman. Again." "Of course she did," Derek laughed "You're kind of bad at Pacman, Uncle Monkey," Hannah smiled comfortingly. "Probably because you're getting kind of old." "I'm what?" Mark frowned. "You're getting old." "I'm not getting old." "Yeah, you are. You and Daddy are old," Hannah shrugged. "Everyone knows that. Jenny's mommy and daddy are old too." "I'm not old?" Meredith asked. "You're a little old." "I'm not old," Mark frowned. "Yeah you are," Hannah nodded. "When you're bigger than thirty, you're old. Thirty is really really old. "It is?" Derek asked. "Yep." "Well then," Derek sighed. "I guess we're all old. It's a good thing you're still young." "I am not old," Mark said firmly. "You, Shep, you are old. I am not old." "We're the same age," Derek pointed out. "Yes. But I am not old. I am...I am not old." "You're no spring chicken," Meredith giggled. "Old men don't have girls giggling over them," Mark smirked. "I walk into a place and there are girls who want me. I am not old." "You're almost entirely grey," Derek laughed. "It works for me," Mark shrugged. "Now if you want grey..." "I will look amazing when I go grey. Right, Mer?" "Completely amazing." "See?" Derek grinned. "Yeah, yeah, you're married to her. She has to say that." "Well...you have a point but still...I'll look good," Derek nodded. "I am not old," Mark muttered under his breath, turning to look at Hannah. "You know, Hannah Banana, you were a lot cuter when you couldn't talk." "That was a long time ago, Uncle Monkey," Hannah giggled. "Yeah, it was," he nodded. "But still...a lot cuter." "But you love me!" Hannah exclaimed. "Not when you call me old. I just bought you pizza and ice cream. When was the last time your old dad bought you pizza and ice cream?" "He doesn't buy me pizza and ice cream cept for special days," Hannah sighed. "Exactly," Mark sighed as his phone rang. "And now I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay, Han?" "Okay, Uncle Monkey," Hannah nodded. "See you guys," Mark nodded, turning and moving back towards his car as he answered his phone. "Wonder what that was about," Derek sighed. "Probably Aunt Addie," Hannah shrugged. "Can I have coffee, Mom?" "You can have a sip," Meredith nodded. "Thank you," Hannah nodded, taking a small sip of Meredith's coffee. "So you had a good day with Uncle Monkey?" Derek asked. "Yeah," Hannah smiled. "We played Pacman and ate pizza. It was a lot of fun." "Good," Derek nodded. "Was he happy?" "Kind of," Hannah sighed. "He said he thought he was sick but he's not and now Aunt Addie might be sick." "What?" "But not really really sick," Hannah shrugged. "Just...sick. But he doesn't know if she's sick yet." "Did he say what kind of sick?" Meredith frowned. "No. Just the kind of sick that medicine doesn't help sometimes." "Oh..." Derek frowned. "That's...oh." "So he's really worried about Aunt Addie now and it's making him sad." "Okay," Derek nodded slowly, shooting a quick glance at Meredith. "That's...I have to talk to him." "Did he say anything else, Han?" Meredith murmured as she squeezed Derek's hand. "Nope," Hannah shook her head. "But he said she'd be okay. Or kind of okay. He kind of talked like you, Mom." "He rambled?" Meredith giggled slightly. "Yep," Hannah nodded. "Oh," Derek frowned. "Okay." "And then he stopped talking about it," Hannah shrugged. "Okay," Meredith sighed. "Do you have any homework, Hannah Banana?" "Yeah, math," Hannah sighed. "Well, you should probably get on that," Meredith nodded. "Daddy and I will be in soon to help you, okay?" "Okay," Hannah nodded, before getting up and walking toward the house "So..." Meredith murmured, squeezing Derek's hand. "That...I didn't expect that," Derek sighed. "Me neither," she shook her head. "What do you...I mean, sick...what do you think?" "I don't know," he frowned. "If it was something bad...he would have told me." "He thought he was sick too." "Which doesn't make any sense." "No, it doesn't. I mean, they weren't talking and he was living here and they...they've been having problems." "They have...and now...she's sick or something." "I'm sure it's nothing, Der," she whispered. "He would have told you. I mean...he said she would be okay. Or kind of okay or...he would have told you." "He would have," he nodded. "I'm his brother...he would have told me." "Have you...I mean, have you told him about us?" "About...the thing?" "Yeah...the thing or whatever." "No, I haven't." "I haven't told Lexie either. Or anyone. I just...I mean, we...we're keeping secrets and they're keeping secrets and...I don't think I have a point here." "I get what you're saying. I didn't tell him and he isn't telling me." "Yeah. But...I mean, maybe there's nothing to tell. I worked with Addison. She's...she's off but she seems fine. She doesn't seem sick or anything. Maybe there's nothing to tell." "He rambled to a ten year old, Mer." "And she might have misunderstood." "How can you misunderstand sick?" "I...I don't know," she sighed. "I don't know. I just...never mind." "What?" "You should talk to him. I know you should but maybe...maybe they don't know what to do yet. Or maybe she's not really sick or maybe...maybe they're just avoiding talking about it. Maybe he just needs time and...maybe it's nothing, Derek." "I hope it's nothing," Derek sighed. "I never thought he'd settle down and he did and now if she's...god, I hope it's nothing." "Derek, Hannah said Mark said Addie would be okay. We don't know if it's anything." "I know," he nodded, leaning into her. "Maybe it's nothing," she whispered. "Maybe there's nothing to talk about." "There's something." "Maybe there's not." "Mer...do you actually think that?" "I don't know." "I'm going to worry until I can get him to talk." "Good idea," she yawned slightly, leaning into him. "We should get in and help Hannah with math. Or she'll never actually do it." "Good point," he nodded, shifting out of her arms. "Come on." She stood up and gathered the blanket and her coffee cup as he slid his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him. "I love you, Der," she murmured, resting her head on his shoulder. "I love you too, Mer," he murmured. "Always." "Hmmm," she breathed before pulling out of his grasp and moving towards the house. Derek sighed as he followed closely behind her, trying to not freak out. Something was wrong with Addison. Meredith was trying to be positive and she was doing a pretty good job of it but still, something was definitely wrong. Mark wouldn't be talking if nothing was wrong. And now Derek was really worried. He had to get Mark to talk, he had to figure this one out. He knew he had more pressing issues to worry about. Their attempt at a talk had failed again, which was probably his fault. He needed to tell her the truth. Or what he knew of the truth. He just couldn't bring himself to say any of it. And right now, something was wrong with Addison, his best friend's wife. He and Meredith had time, they could worry about this later. But every road can hide a corner we can't see Disclaimer: You probably thought we were joking last time. But we feel the need to repeat the same message...if we owned the show Rose would be smushed under the rolling ambulance. Entirely smushed. And then Derek would say "She knew the exact number of surgeries of mine she was in on....creepy". Meredith was tired. And achy. But mostly just tired. In the past week, she had gone from kind of tired to just tired. Plain tired. It probably didn't help that she wasn't sleeping much either. She wanted to sleep, she needed to sleep, but sleeping was difficult when she was a busy resident and when her husband was worried sick about his best friend. But mostly sleep was impossible when she and Derek were avoiding the thing. It was kind of hard to sleep when you were avoiding a rather large elephant in the room. Even after sex, cuddled in his arms and feeling safe and content in his arms, it was impossible to fall asleep easily. His mind always seemed to be going a mile a minute which of course made her mind go a mile a minute. They had to talk, they had to figure out this issue once and for all. And Derek had to talk to Mark. He had tried. In the week since finding out that something might be wrong with Addison, he had tried. But Mark just rolled his eyes and told Derek to stop worrying about it. Which only made Derek worry more. Which was probably the biggest reason she hadn't brought up the thing recently. Derek was terrified. He couldn't stop worrying. He was pacing and running his hands through his hair. She couldn't say something about the thing...couldn't tell him she didn't want a baby when he was like this. It could wait. She didn't have to tell him yet. They had agreed that now wasn't good timing anyway, so she could wait to tell him. Mark would have to come clean eventually or whatever it was that was bothering him had to blow over and then Derek could stop worrying and they could talk then, when life was calmer. They could deal with their own drama later on. It was fine. They had plenty of time to discuss this. She was on the pill. They were fine. It was like a .1% chance of her getting pregnant right now. They had time. So they could figure this out later, when they found out if Addison was okay. Which was actually her job today. Well, part of her job. Her real job was dealing with a pregnant woman. But her other job was to apparently watch Addie. Which she could do. In the last week it hadn't looked like anything was wrong. Something was definitely on Addison's mind but she didn't seem sick, she didn't seem depressed or too worried...just off or something. But she could watch. If it made Derek feel any better she could definitely watch and see if she could get something out of her. One of them would have to talk eventually.


LOVE IS IN EVERYTHING - Part 3 · GA FAN FICS