Viewing Single Post From: LOVE IS IN EVERYTHING

Viewing Single Post From: LOVE IS IN EVERYTHING - Part 3
oncetherewasaway	Dec 4 2007, 08:48 PM
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: Let's face it...if we owned Grey's Anatomy Meredith and Derek would probably be married by now with a billion kids. But we don't own the show so instead we get stuck with Rose. Sigh. Side note....this update lightly touches on abortion...very very lighty but it is suggested in a tiny way, just so you know. (if you don't want to read...PM us and we can tell you briefly what happened as it's important for plot) Meredith leaned against her cubby as she reached blindly for a scrub top, wondering what would happen if she actually vomited today. Because she was pretty sure it was getting to that point. She had been feeling worse than usual all morning, though she definitely hadn't told Derek. If she told Derek, he'd drag her to the doctor's and she'd never get work done. But she definitely felt worse. It was nothing. She didn't have to go to the doctors, it would be a completely useless trip. She was stressed. Hers and Derek's big relationship changing talk was growing closer and closer and she was dreading it. That was the only reason she was getting worse and that was nothing to talk to Derek about. She would be fine. They would talk and there would be yelling and it would be bad but they would be fine. He didn't need to know that she was too tired to actually move, and he definitely didn't need to know that she was probably going to vomit at any second. Those were not things her husband needed to know. Her husband was about to find out she didn't want kids, that was probably bad enough without adding on the fact that she felt like crap. Of course, maybe he wouldn't yell as much if he knew. It was going to be bad. Her stomach turned even more just thinking of what was coming. She'd tell him she didn't want kids and they were going to have the worst fight of their relationship. They'd survive it, they had to survive it. Because Derek was right, they were them. And nothing could destroy them. But this nothing was possibly big and entirely devastating. There was no way he'd be okay with it. She groaned as she pulled her top over her head, taking a deep breath as she felt the vomit rise in her throat. She was not going to throw up. Throwing up was bad. It was gross and bad and she really shouldn't be stressing this much over the fight. They'd figure it out. They had to. They were them. And they had a daughter. And it wasn't like he'd divorce her for not wanting kids. She was his Sheila Hanes or something. She had to stop worrying. If she stopped worrying the nausea would just go away and she could get through her day. That was all that mattered. She would get through today. And the next couple of days and they would talk. Talking was good. It would be fine and things would be okay. They were Meredith and Derek. As long as she didn't throw up before the talk. As that would make him worry more. She took another deep breath as she pulled away from the support of her cubby, fighting off the nausea and the dizziness. Ulcers or stress or whatever the hell this was sucked. She had to get through today. That was all she needed. She grabbed her lab coat and opened the door, jumping slightly when she saw Lexie. "Hey, Lex," she murmured. "Hey Mer," Lexie sighed. "What's up?" she asked as she closed the door quickly behind her and struggled to pull on her lab coat. Maybe anti-anxiety meds would work or something. "Nothing, I have..." Lexie frowned. "Did you pull on the wrong shirt?" "What?" Meredith looked down at her scrub shirt. "It's...kind of really tight." "It's..." she stared at it for a second. "Okay, maybe I did. I wasn't really paying attention." "Oh," Lexie nodded. "I need to bitch. Can I bitch?" "What did Alex do?" Meredith sighed as she pulled her hair back in a ponytail. God, she felt like crap. Really crap. Worse crap than she had felt yesterday. "He's an ass," Lexie sighed. "He's just...why am I dating him?" "I'm going to pretend you don't want an answer to that," Meredith murmured as they started walking, hoping her sister would slow down a little. Walking fast only made the nausea seem worse. "What did he do?" "He was flirting with a nurse. Except he swears to God that it wasn't flirting and he was just trying to get her to do something or other for him. But he was flirting. He was definitely flirting and all...smiled and leaning. I think he's been around Derek too much. But definitely flirting." "Ass," Meredith offered weakly. "Complete ass," Lexie rolled her eyes. "And it was that slutty nurse. You know the one? She told him exactly how many surgeries they had scrubbed in on together. Creepy, right, that's creepy?" "Completely creepy." "I'm his girlfriend and I don't even know that. That's like...I think she's a stalker. I swear she must go home and write about him in her diary or something. It's creepy. She's stalking him. She's stalking my boyfriend and he's flirting. The ass was completely flirting." "With creepy stalker nurse." "Yes," Lexie nodded. "And he acts like I'm crazy. He's sitting there and acting like I'm some kind of weirdo that's clingy and controlling and paranoid. I'm not paranoid. My boyfriend or soon to be ex-boyfriend was flirting and acts like I'm in the wrong. He's an ass." "Hmmm hmmm," Meredith nodded carefully, her hand moving over her stomach. "Oh God, what did Derek do? He's an ass too, isn't he? Men. I swear, they're all asses. Every one of them...ass. What did he do?" "What?" Meredith breathed and then shook her head quickly. "He didn't do anything. He's...he didn't do anything." "That's what you always say." "He didn't, Lex. He's been...Dereky and perfect and...he didn't do anything." "Then what exactly is your problem? Because you're being all like you are when he's an ass." "I...crap," she gasped as the vomit came up in her throat and she stopped, grabbing the trashcan by the nurses’ station as she vomited, her body shaking. "Mer...are you...what's wrong?" Lexie asked, walking behind her and rubbing her back. "Ulcer or something," Meredith coughed as she spit out the remaining amounts of vomit, looking around at the people who were staring at her. "Ulcer." "You've been feeling like crap for weeks. Derek told me. And now you're vomiting." "Ulcers do that, Lex," Meredith rolled her eyes as she looked apologetically at Debbie before turning and going towards the nearest washroom. She leaned over the sink, trying to catch her breath. "They do," Lexie nodded. "But...Derek said I was supposed to tell him if things got worse." "Don't you dare tell him," Meredith shook her head, her eyes widening as she turned and went into the stall, the vomit coming up again. "Mer...you can't keep this from him. He's worried about you. I'm worried about you." "I'm fine, Lex. It's just...I'm tired and stressed and it's screwing with my immune system." "How long have you been sick for?" Lexie frowned. "A few weeks," Lexie groaned. "Mer, you need to talk to Derek and get this checked. A few weeks isn't normal and it's getting worse." "Okay, you need to stop talking to my husband. He's all protective and...I'm fine. It's stress. That's it," Meredith sighed and then frowned. "Crap. Now I have to pee. Again." "Again?" Lexie frowned. "This isn't stress, Mer." "It's stress," Meredith nodded. "Though the peeing thing...weird. Definitely weird. I peed twice before we left the house and then when I got here and now again. That's weird. But the rest of it...stress. I've been stressed." "Stress doesn't make you pee." "Maybe the peeing has nothing to do with the stress and I just have to pee." "That's...." Lexie frowned and then her eyes widened. "Oh my god." "What?" "Peeing. Nausea. You're tired, you're kind of cranky. You're boobs are definitely bigger. Mer...when was your last period?" "What?" Meredith paused, turning to stare at her sister. "No...I...that's...Lexie, no. I am not...no." "You...the symptoms, Mer. You...they're all there. All there. You're...oh...." "I...I know I got it..." Meredith frowned and then her own eyes widened. "Oh crap." "How long ago, Mer?" "Um...I...almost two months ago." "Meredith!" "That could be stress though," Meredith said quickly. "That could totally be stress. Three months ago I...I mean, I missed a period and it was stress and then I got it and then Derek and I had sex on the kitchen...oh crap." "I'm going to get a test," Lexie smiled. "What?" "You need to take a test...because...you could...wow, Mer." "I might not be. That would be...crap." "You might not be. And you might be." "Okay," Meredith breathed, sliding down the wall. She couldn't be...she wasn't. She was on the pill. The pill. There was no way..."Okay, test. But not hospital test." "I can run to the drugstore across the street." "Okay." "Should I page Derek?" "What?" Meredith looked up quickly. "No. Definitely...he has a surgery. And I don't want to get him...if it's false. So...no Derek." "Okay," Lexie nodded. "I'll be right back." "Okay," Meredith breathed as her sister ran out of the bathroom. She couldn't be pregnant. She couldn't be. There was no way. She was just stressed. Really, really stupid stressed because of everything and...there was no way. Or there was a way. Maybe. Small way. But she hadn't skipped any pills. And...she couldn't be. She probably wasn't. Lexie was probably just being...Lexie. She hadn't had her period in nearly two months but that didn't mean anything. Stress made periods stop, they did it all the time. And stressed messed with your immune system. It was fine. She was just stressed. She couldn't be pregnant. She never missed a pill, she took it religiously and they were careful. She couldn't be pregnant. That would bad, really really bad. They hadn't talked yet. She didn't want kids. Derek did...but she didn't. Or Derek didn't want them right now. He had been happy last time. But he wanted kids and she didn't and...they hadn't talked yet. They had time to talk. This was just...okay, so she had the symptoms. Her boobs were bigger and she had been swatting Derek's hand away a lot during sex because they were tender but...she couldn't be pregnant. She had the symptoms but that didn't actually mean she was. Because if she was it would be some horrible way of karma kicking them both in the bum for not talking before. They had kept putting it off. That's what this was. They had put it off and now God was making her stress look like a pregnancy to teach them both a lesson so they'd start talking again. She couldn't actually be pregnant. She groaned as her stomach rolled again and she quickly moved to the toilet as the vomit came up, coughing hard. This could be anything. It really could. This might not be pregnancy. And if it was pregnancy...she wasn't going to think about that. Because it wasn't pregnancy. She wasn't pregnant. That was ridiculous. Completely and totally ridiculous. She was not pregnant. "Got it," Lexie announced as she re-entered the washroom. "I ran into Derek and had to lie to him." "What did you say?" Meredith groaned as she grabbed the bag from Lexie's hand, retreating back into the stall to relieve her bladder. "That I had no idea where you were." "He's looking for me?" "Yeah," Lexie shrugged. "The usual worrying about you thing." "Great," Meredith sighed as her pager went off. "Of course it's him. I'm telling him I'm with a patient." "You're going to lie to your husband?" "It's not lying...it's...hiding." "So much better." "Exactly," Meredith nodded as she exited the stall. "Three minutes." "Three minutes," Lexie smiled. "Wow." "Yeah," Meredith sighed as she leaned against the wall again. Not pregnant. It would say she wasn't pregnant and then she would go get checked out. It just had to say not pregnant. "This is so...amazing." "Hmmm..." "This is just...so...wow." "Wow," Meredith echoed monotonously as she stared at the test on the counter. She wasn't pregnant. She wasn't. It wasn't even possible. She took the pill. She always took the pill. She couldn't even remember a day in the past year when she hadn't. "How long has it been?" "Two minutes," Meredith sighed, still staring at the test. "And you're going to look." "I can look," Lexie nodded. "Just...I mean...stand next to it, or whatever. And don't do the whole waiting thing. Just...I mean, it's going to say not pregnant," Meredith sighed as Lexie moved over to pick up the test. "You have all the symptoms, Mer." "Which could mean anything." "No, it means pregnant." "Does the test say that or do you say that?" "At the moment...me. Give it a minute." "Fine," Meredith breathed. She wasn't pregnant. She definitely wasn't pregnant. There was no way. She was sick and stressed and...she didn't actually have an explanation for the boob thing. She hadn't been eating more or anything. The boob thing was just weird. And maybe she was PMSing. That was possible. She definitely wasn't pregnant. And the test would say so once the longest minute in the history of minutes ended. "Mer...you may want to keep breathing. We still have thirty seconds." "Seriously?" "Seriously," Lexie nodded. "I...this is ridiculous," Meredith groaned. "Just look at it." "Okay," Lexie nodded, leaning over. "Oh." "It says no pregnant, right? I mean...it says not pregnant and you were wrong. Hence the oh thing because you hate being wrong but you're wrong because it's just stress so...not pregnant." "Mer...you're....you're...it says...pregnant. You're pregnant." "What?" Meredith breathed. "No. No. I...it's wrong. It...false positive. Did you...why didn't you buy another one?" "I didn't...we can get your blood checked." "Addison," Meredith nodded, her heart racing. "Addison. We...I'm not pregnant, Lexie. I'm not pregnant. It's wrong. Definitely...it's wrong. It's completely wrong because I'm on the pill and there's no way I'm part of the .1% or whatever. No. I am not pregnant. I can't be pregnant. Addison. We have to...I'm not pregnant." "This says differently." "Well, it's wrong, Lexie," Meredith snapped. "Addison. We're going to see Addison." "Okay," Lexie frowned. "Why aren't you happy?" "I'm...because it's false. I know it's false." "We'll go find Addison," Lexie nodded. "Should I page Derek now?" "No," Meredith said firmly. "You are not...no paging Derek. No. Because...you can't. Because if I am he...I want to tell him at home. At home where there aren't people and...no." "Oh of course," Lexie nodded. "Just the two of you, I get it." "Exactly. Just...and it doesn't matter because I'm not pregnant. You probably got some cheap ass pregnancy test and I'm not...I'm not pregnant." "We'll find Addison...because you're definitely pregnant." "No, I'm not," Meredith shook her head, throwing open the bathroom door. "And...don't say that word. Here. People will...and I'm not. It's wrong. Totally wrong. Completely wrong. I'm not...I'm stressed." "Won't say a thing...but...you might be." "I'm not." "You might be.' \ "Lexie...I'm not," Meredith said firmly as she moved up the stairs as fast as she could, her nausea now a dull wave in her stomach. There was no way. She wasn't. It was stupid and...she should have gotten a test herself. Cheap tests with false positives were...they should all be burned or something. "Dr. Montgomery Sloan?" Lexie asked, knocking at the door of Addison's office. "Addison," Meredith threw open the door to find Addison at her desk doing paperwork. "Meredith, Lexie," Addison smiled. "What...you're not on my service." "No, I'm not," Meredith sighed. "But...I need a fake chart." "You need a fake chart?" "Well, I need bloodwork. And then a fake chart." "What are you talking about?" "I...I've been feeling off and Lexie thinks I'm pregnant..." "No, the pregnancy test thinks you're pregnant," Lexie sighed. "Okay, fine, the cheap, crap pregnancy test gave me a false positive," Meredith groaned. "And I need...I need you to do a blood test and show I'm not because clearly the test is cheap and I should have gotten it myself instead of sending my sister but...anyway, bloodwork. And a fake chart. And bloodwork under a fake name." "You're...pregnant?" Addison breathed. "No!" Meredith gasped as she fell into a chair, her hand over her stomach as it rolled. "No. I am not...the stupid pregnancy test is stupid and cheap and it said I was but I'm not. I'm definitely not pregnant." "We'll get you for a blood test," Addison nodded. "But...fake chart?" "I...the hospital gossips. You know that and Derek...I want to tell him. If I am. Which I'm not. And if I'm not and the stupid lab guy tells someone I am while the test is being done...everyone will know before Derek and he'll hear about it during surgery from Alex's skanky stalkery scrub nurse." "She is not Alex's skanky stalkery scrub nurse," Lexie rolled her eyes. "Though she can have him." "My point is," Meredith sighed, "Derek will freak and...fake chart. And fake name." "We could just page him," Addison suggested. "He'd want to know about this." "No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "I...home. Just us. Not...not the whole hospital." "Okay," Addison nodded. "Fake chart. But only because you're family." "Thank you," Meredith sighed and then grabbed Addison's trash can as she vomited. "Crap." "Mer...how long since your last period?" Addison frowned. "Um...seven weeks, I think?" Meredith breathed. "Almost two months." "Meredith..." Addison sighed. "Stress, Addie. I have been stressed." "What are your other symptoms?" "I...nausea, vomiting," Meredith sighed. "I've been completely exhausted but that's...I mean, that's stress. And I have to pee every five minutes but...okay, that's not stress but..." "Blood work," Addison nodded, getting out of her chair. "Come on." "Okay," Meredith murmured as she and Lexie followed Addison out of the room and into an exam room where Addison closed the blinds and locked the door. "I'll rush these results for you," Addison sighed, gesturing to the exam table. "Sit." "And fake name, Addie," Meredith sighed as she sat on the exam table. "Fake name. Like...Mary Brown or something stupid and...something." "I'll use a fake name. We don't need Meredith Shepherd having a chart floating around." "Exactly," Meredith nodded as Addison took her blood. "And then, Addie...I mean, obviously something's wrong so maybe...I mean, personal consult or something?" "Personal consult?" Addison raised an eyebrow. "Just...don't tell anyone and...give me an exam," Meredith sighed. "I'm not pregnant but I am...I mean, I'm sick and Derek's worried and I'm kind of...so since I'm not pregnant you can give me an exam and we can go from there." "If you're not pregnant I'm not sure I'll be the best person to do the exam, Meredith." "Just...you're my friend and family. You're family so...just do the exam. Because I'm not pregnant. I can't be. I'm on the pill." "People on the pill get pregnant all the time." "It's .1%, Addison." "Which is enough." "Addison...test. Bloodwork." "Doing it," Addison nodded. "And it's only .1% with perfect use." "I have been perfect use. I'm obsessive about it because Derek and I had a scare and...obsessive, Addison. Every night." "Okay," Addison sighed. "I'll go get this checked. And I suggest you rest in my office till I have the results." "Fine," Meredith murmured, hopping off the exam table and making her way back to Addison's office. This test would say not pregnant. It had to. It wasn't a cheap pregnancy test from the drugstore. It was...it was the hospital. So the hospital would say not pregnant and she'd be okay and...well, probably be diagnosed with an ulcer. But otherwise, okay. There was no way she was pregnant. Derek mocked her for how diligent she was about making sure she took the pill every time the same night. Which she figured he wouldn't be mocking her if he had any idea how desperate she was to make sure that she didn't get pregnant as it was the last thing she wanted to be. Which was why being pregnant now would be really really bad. But it didn't matter, because she wasn't. She wasn't pregnant. She was nauseous, dizzy, and exhausted but that didn't mean pregnant. The boobs thing was weird but...she was probably PMSing. Or the pill was doing something weird. She wasn't pregnant. There was no way in hell she was pregnant. Addison would come back and tell her she wasn't pregnant and she could worry about other things. Like the conversation that was coming up with Derek and the fact she definitely had an ulcer. She had an ulcer, nothing worse and she'd probably be ordered to relax or something or maybe surgery but that was fine. She could handle that. And her and Derek would talk and go back to being her and Derek and she wouldn't get any more ulcers. The happy bubble would be back. She fell back on Addison's couch, her hands covering her eyes as she listened to Lexie ramble about nurseries and names and...this was stupid. Her sister had bought her a cheap pregnancy test and now she was talking about names. And Addison was rushing bloodwork. She was definitely not pregnant. She had an ulcer from all the stress and things would stop being stressful and the ulcer would go away. "Mer...do you...you're okay, right?" Lexie asked. "I'm fine, Lex." "Okay," Lexie nodded. "Wonder how much longer it will be." "No idea," Meredith breathed just as Addison walked in. "Addie...I'm not, right?" "Well...actually....you are," Addison smiled. "Congrats." "Con...crap," Meredith groaned. "Are you...I mean...false positives? Can they...they happen with hospitals, right? Or maybe mixed up blood or...crap." "It's your blood and it's... you're pregnant." "Crap," Meredith breathed as Lexie grinned. "Crap." "Crap? How is this crap?" Lexie frowned. "I...I can't be pregnant. I can't be. I mean...Addison, I can't. I can't be pregnant." "Your blood says differently," Addison shrugged. "But...I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. I would know if I'm pregnant." "Well actually...7 weeks, Mer? How did you not notice?" Addison asked. "I don't...stress." "But...you and Derek," Lexie frowned. "You're both doctors. How...how the hell did you not notice?" "I don't...stress. We thought it was..." "It didn't even cross your mind?" Addison asked. "No," Meredith murmured. "You've been on my service for the last month," Addison sighed. "How did I not notice?" "That's a great question," Meredith smirked slightly. "Crap." "Crap?" Lexie asked. "You're having a baby...with Derek. How is that crap?" "We haven't...we don't...I don't...we haven't talked about it." "Haven't talked about what?" Addison asked. "Babies...kids...whether or not..." Meredith groaned. "I mean, he wants them. And I...I don't. But we haven't talked about that." "You've never talked about babies?" "Not really. No." "But...how long have you been married? Like...2 years?" "Almost." "And...no talk?" "We...we were going to. Since the scare or whatever we've been...thinking." "Thinking?" Lexie asked. "I...we kept saying I don't know because I didn't want to tell him..." Meredith trailed off. "I don't want another kid. We have Hannah and I'm a resident and I...I don't want more. I don't. And he probably does because he's Derek and I didn't want to hurt him but now I'm pregnant and I..." "You don't want to be pregnant," Lexie said slowly. "I don't want to be pregnant." "No," Addison shook her head. "Don't even think it. You're having this baby." "Addison, I..." "You can't give this baby up." "I don't want..." "You're pregnant," Addison sighed. "And that...this is a blessing. That's...you don't get to not want this baby." "A blessing?" Meredith groaned. "I don't want more kids. I don't. We're happy with Hannah. We're great with Hannah and I don't..." "You're having a baby. You know how many women would kill to have a baby?" "Okay...but, I wouldn't." "I'm not doing anything until you talk to Derek." "Addison..." "Meredith, this is your baby. Your's and Derek's and I'm not doing anything until Derek knows there's a baby." "I...he'll want it. He wants kids. I know he does." "Do you...you have to tell him, Mer," Lexie murmured. "I..." Meredith breathed, taking her hand away from her stomach. "I know. I will. I will tell him but...I don't..." "You have to talk to him," Addison shrugged. "I'm going to, Addison," Meredith nodded. "But I'm a resident and...and I don't want a baby. I don't think...I mean...I know it's a baby but I don't..." "It's your's and Derek's baby." "I know." "You can't..." Addison sighed. "Talk to your husband." "Okay. I...I'll talk to him. Soonish. I mean, if I'm...the sex...six weeks. That means I have six weeks to...to make a decision, right?" "Meredith..." Lexie breathed. "You can't...no..." "Just...I have six weeks?" "Yes, you have six weeks," Addison nodded. "I don't suggest waiting six weeks." "I'm not going to." "We could page him," Lexie suggested. "There's private places in the hospital and you two know them." "No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "This is...this is a big talk and...we're talking on Friday. I...I'll tell him on Friday." "Friday?" Lexie frowned. "Friday," Meredith murmured. "Hannah has a birthday party and if we're going to fight...Friday. I'll tell him Friday." "Fine, Friday," Addison nodded. "If he hasn't been told by Monday I'll make sure he accidentally finds out." "You're my doctor." "And I'm your family." "Addison...you're my doctor. Doctor patient confidentiality." "If he accidentally finds out, that's not my fault." "Addie..." Meredith groaned. "It doesn't matter. I'm telling him Friday. Just...don't tell Mark. You tell Mark everything and...he'll tell Derek. So don't...and Lexie, you can't tell anyone. I'm telling him Friday." "I'll keep it quiet," Lexie nodded. "Okay," Meredith sighed. "Okay. Friday." "After you talk to him you're going to have to set a real appointment," Addison sighed. "I know," Meredith nodded. "And discuss...options or whatever." "Options," Addison frowned. "Addison..." "Fine, it's up to you and Derek." "Me and Derek..." Meredith breathed as her pager went off. "It's the pit. I have to go." "Okay," Addison nodded. "And slow down a bit." "I will," Meredith nodded. "Bye, Addison. I'll um...I'll call you. Saturday for an appointment." "Good," Addison nodded. "Bye, Lex," Meredith murmured as she stepped out of Addison's office. She was pregnant. Pregnant. She was having a baby. Or had a baby inside her or...she couldn't have a baby. She didn't even want a kid but Derek would want it and...she was pregnant. Which was the very last thing in the world she wanted to be. And now she had to tell Derek. Who was going to be ecstatic. And then she wasn't exactly sure what she was supposed to do after that. Her husband would be the happiest man alive and she would than have to crush him and tell him she didn't want this. She loved her life. She loved her daughter but she had no idea how to be a mother of a baby. A baby would need her and would depend on her and she didn't want that. She didn't know how to want that. This made the talk Friday completely different. Completely. Because...not wanting kids was one thing but actually not wanting the baby...that was...it would ruin them. It would completely and totally ruin them. He would hate her. He would resent her. It changed everything. And she could act happy. She could. Except she'd end up like that patient she had had who didn't even want a baby but had one because her husband wanted one. And that wasn't what she wanted to do. They couldn't become that couple. Because she would resent Derek for the rest of her life and Derek was her...Derek. He was her everything and she couldn't resent him. And if she didn't keep the baby he would resent her. This was bad. This was crap. She wasn't supposed to be pregnant. She had been so careful trying to make sure that she didn't get pregnant. And yet she was. She frowned as she stood in the elevator, her hand lightly resting on her still flat stomach. She was pregnant. She was pregnant with hers and Derek's baby which had apparently been conceived against a kitchen counter with sex that had left them both with bruises and scratches for a week afterwards. It was...this was karma. This was stupid karma for not talking about babies and for having sex instead. And now nothing was ever going to be the same again. They would talk and everything would change. Their little perfect existence was about to come to a crashing halt and she didn't want that. They were Meredith and Derek. She wasn't even sure exactly what that meant but she liked being half of Meredith and Derek. They couldn't go through this and come out as Meredith and Derek at the end. She couldn't think about this now. She couldn't think about the baby inside her or what this meant or...she had to work. She had to work and she had to try to avoid Derek. Because he would be Derek-y and concerned and she might blurt it out and she couldn't do that. So she had to work and not think about any of this. She'd think about it Friday. Friday would be a good time to think about it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meredith's stomach flipped as she pulled into the driveway and she stared at her house, contemplating running away for the night. Because Hannah was gone to her friends and wasn't going to be home until tomorrow. And it was Friday. She had been dreading Friday since the blood test results. Her and Derek were going to talk and not about what Derek expected them to talk about. She had spent most of the last few days trying to find excuses to stay at work. And trying to hide the vomiting. And the peeing. She was doing pretty well. He had only heard her throw up once, and she had managed to convince him it was nothing, or at least gotten him off her back about it by snapping at him. Which she hated. But they were going to talk today and...it wasn't good. He had been so worried recently and she knew he was already terrified about how this talk would go. For the last week he had been distracted and jumpy. He had asked her constantly if she was okay. And she said she was. Now he was going to find out she wasn't okay. He was actually going to find out what exactly was wrong with her and he was going to be thrilled. And then she'd tell him. She'd tell him she didn't want to be pregnant and they'd yell and scream and...she fully expected this to be it. Expected him to take Hannah and go. Or something. She wasn't actually sure he could do that considering she was Hannah's mom but...he was going to hate her. He was really going to hate her. "Der?" she called as she went into the house. "In the living room," he called back. Living room. He was in the living room. Probably ready to talk and tell her he wanted kids and she'd tell him...she had to tell him. He couldn't find out by accident. She had to tell him. Had to tell him she was pregnant and...it was bad. It was completely bad. "Hey," she tried to smile as she walked into the living room. "Hey," he smiled awkwardly from his place in front of the fireplace, his hands in his pockets and his hair a complete mess. "You've been...are you...Hannah's at Jenny's." "Good, that's...good," he nodded. "Yeah." "So...we should...umm...talk," he murmured as he walked toward the couch, gesturing for her to follow. "We should," she breathed, trying to swallow down the vomit. Morning sickness sucked. And who ever named it morning sickness deserved to die. "How are you feeling?" he asked, grabbing her hand and pulling her onto the couch beside him. "I..." she trailed off. Now would be good. Now would be perfect. But she couldn't actually say it. Not now. "Fine. I'm fine." "Good," he nodded, taking a deep breath, ducking his head down to kiss her gently. "I love you." "I love you too," she murmured as tears pooled in her eyes. That would not be the last time he said it. It wouldn't. They were...them. This would not break them. "Mer..." he breathed, squeezing the hand that was still entwined in his firmly. "This will be okay." "Yeah," she murmured, ducking her head down. "I know." "So...we should...fix this. Talk and get back to...fixing this." "Fix this..." she murmured. She had to tell him. She had to completely break this and tell him. "I got...wine," he suddenly said, gesturing toward a large bottle of wine on the table and two glasses. Wine. He had...she couldn't... "Derek," she murmured, pushing the wine away and looking up at him, "about the thing." "Yeah?" "I...I know what's wrong with me," she blurted out. "You do?" he asked, turning to look at her more carefully, his hand squeezing hers again. "Mer...whatever it is...we'll be together. The best specialists or whatever you need and we can...whatever it is, I'm here. We can beat this." "No," she shook her head quickly. "No...it's not...Derek, it's not bad. Well it might be. But it's not....physically I'm okay. Physically..." She took a deep breath, squeezing his hand as she looked down at her lap, her stomach rolling slightly. Her other hand moved over it, rubbing it slightly, trying to calm the nausea before stopping. "Derek, I'm...I'm pregnant." Cause this is the day that everything changes and the world stops turning Disclaimer: We clearly don't own the show. As Rose was no where near the ambulance. As Derek was no where near the ambulance and apparently Rose goes where Derek goes. God, she's a creepy stalker. And a stripper. Well she would be if we owned the show. Pregnant. The word was bouncing around in his head even though he wasn't sure he heard it right. He assumed he did from the strange numbness that had evaded his legs and arms. She had probably said it. He wasn't sure why he would have thought it if she didn't say it. "You...you're...pregnant?" he finally managed to gasp out. "Yeah," she breathed, still staring at her lap. "Um...about...about six weeks. Well, almost seven now." "Seven...seven...weeks...you...pregnant," he nodded slowly. "Yeah." "Crap.” "Crap?" she looked up quickly. "Crap?" "I...I..." Derek cleared his throat, squeezing her hand. "This is...we...there was...no plan and now...we haven't talked." "I know we haven't," Meredith murmured. "I know. We haven't...we should have. Because if we had we wouldn't have had sex and then karma wouldn't have...we should have but we didn't and now...now I'm pregnant." "You're...pregnant," Derek breathed. "I'm pregnant." "Pregnant." "Pregnant," she echoed, biting on her lower lip. "This is...I don't even know what this is," he shook his head. "Just...say something or..." she trailed off. "We...just say something." "I don't," he sighed, running his free hand through her hair. "You're...how? You...I made fun of you because you had that damn alarm on your cell to make sure you didn't miss it. You never missed it. You're like the Pill nazi or something. How? How did this...you...are you sure? You're sure you're pregnant?" "I'm sure," she nodded. "I...Lexie bought a test and then I went to Addison and there was fake names and fake charts and...I'm sure." "Fake names?" "I didn't want...I didn't want the hospital gossip whatever ot know so...fake names. My name was fake. It wasn't Meredith Shepherd it was...I don't actually know what it was. But it was fake." "Oh." "Yeah," she breathed. "At least...you're not dying," he whispered, squeezing her hand again. "I had a worst case scenario and this isn't it...you're not dying." "I'm not dying," she smiled slightly. "Just...just pregnant." "Which...that talk that we keep putting off...that....we need to talk." "That's why...I know," she nodded. "So...I...do you want it?" "I..." she frowned, her hand immediately going to her stomach, wrapping her arm over it protectively. It was something he had seen Hannah's mom do a thousand times during her pregnancy and his heart skipped a beat. "I don't think so." "You...you don't?" he breathed, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. "I don't think so," she breathed, her arm wrapping tighter around her body. "Do...do you?" "I...no, no, I don't think so either," he shook his head. "You...you don't?" she breathed, finally looking up at him, though he could swear her arm moved even tighter. "No," he whispered, resisting the urge to reach out for her stomach. "I don't think I do." "Oh," she gasped slightly. "Oh." "I'm...Hannah and you and work and everything...it's good, Mer. I'm...I have everything I want," he murmured. "Me too," she nodded, loosening her arm slightly as her hand moved over her stomach. "I'm happy with...with everything." "So you don't...you don't want a baby..." "I don't think so." "I..." he laughed softly. "We haven't talked for weeks because we were too terrified to tell each other the same thing. I was...terrified you wanted a baby and you didn't and now....oh god, karma." "Karma," she nodded slowly. "You're...pregnant." "I'm pregnant," Meredith breathed. "And you...you don't want a baby. We...we don't want a baby." "Which...it...this is a problem." "Definitely a problem," she murmured, a frown overcoming her features as she rubbed her belly. "You...how are you feeling? The stress of this conversation...that's not good," he shook his head. "Are you okay?" "I'm fine, Derek," she whispered, looking up at him. "We're talking and...I'm fine." "Okay," he nodded. "You don't...lay down? Or water? Do you need anything?" "No," she shook her head. "I don't need anything. I just...I'm pregnant. And you...we don't want our...the baby. We don't want it so..." "What do we do?" "Do?" she looked up at him and her hand tightened against her abdomen. "I mean...I don't know. I...we could...but I don't know." "I...I don't...we coud but...I don't know either," he shook his head. "We...we have five weeks." "Five weeks? Five...oh." "Yeah," she murmured. "So...I mean...god, this is...you're pregnant and we don't...this is bad." "Very bad," she sighed. "Very, very, very bad." "It's....at least we're in this...together. We're together." "Together," she whispered, squeezing his hand. "So I guess we should...my head is...racing." "Mine's been racing since Tuesday." "Tuesday? You've known since Tuesday?" "Yeah." "You...how did you...you didn't tell me." "You don't get to be mad," she looked up quickly. "I...I had to figure it out. I had to wrap my mind around it or whatever. And telling you...I thought you wanted kids. I thought you wanted more and I wanted to pretend for a little bit longer that I wasn't about to ruin us." "Oh Mer," he breathed, brushing her cheek with his hand. "You...not mad, I can't be mad. And even if...I don't more kids but if I did...and you didn't, that would be okay. I would have...nothing can ruin us." "That would have," she whispered. "That would have ruined us. I wouldn't have been able...it would have ruined us. You can't say it wouldn't. It would have. Because I would have resented you or you would have resented me and...it doesn't matter. Because I'm pregnant and neither of us want it so..." "Mer, it does matter. I love you. I love you more than anything. If I had wanted kids and you didn't...I have Hannah. I would have dealt with it because us being ruined, kind of not an option for me." "It's not an option for me either," she sighed. "Good," he nodded. "And this...I think...I need time to process or...something. Wrap my head around it." "It's not easy," she warned. "Wrapping your head around it. I...I don't think I have yet." "So you need time too," he sighed. "We need...time...to think." "Again." "Again but this...this definitely isn't avoiding. I just...I can't make any concrete decisions when my brain is screaming baby over and over again in an entirely terrified voice. It's distracting and I...we...thinking is kind of...appropriate." "It's kind of huge." "Just a little." "So thinking...we have to think." "Thinking," he nodded. "Who knows?" "Lexie and Addison." "Okay," he nodded. "Okay," she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Come here," he murmured, tugging on her hand as he reached his other arm out. "Hmmm," she sighed as she cuddled into his chest, one hand still in his, the other still on her abdomen. "You...you came into this conversation thinking it was the end of us," he whispered. "I did," she nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. "You...god, that must have been terrifying," he murmured. "I considered running away." "I would have found you." "It would have taken you a while." "Nope," he shook his head. "I have Meredith radar." "Of course you do," she rolled her eyes, giggling slightly. "Never, Mer," he whispered, looking down at her. "I said 110 years old in your arms and you agreed to it. I plan to hold you to that." "I still find that slightly weird that you think you're going to live to 110," she smiled at him. "You'll see," he grinned. "I'm sure I will," she giggled again. "I love you." "I love you too." "We'll...be okay. We'll figure this out." "We'll figure it out," she nodded, and he tried not to flinch as he felt her body tighten her so slightly in his as she wrapped her arm protectively around her midsection again. "Together," he murmured. "Together," she breathed and then suddenly pulled out of his arms, jumping off the couch and running to the washroom. Derek sighed to himself as he followed close behind. This was better. It was ever so slightly better because at least now he didn't feel worry through out his entire body. She wasn't sick, she wasn't dying, she was pregnant. They could figure out some way to deal with pregnant. "I'm here," he whispered, as he reached her as and his hands pulled her hair back. "I...sorry," she gasped as she heaved into the toilet, her small body shaking. "Don't be," he shook his head, his other hand rubbing her back. "It happens." "It...it happens," she breathed as she coughed slightly before falling against his chest, her hand finding his. "Which reminds me...how the hell did you not even suspect this? I mean, you have a kid." "Oh," he frowned. "I...wasn't actually there for the first bit. Once she found out...yeah, but...not right away. I missed it." "You missed it," she sighed. "Well now...now you're not missing it. And it sucks. Vomiting sucks. Peeing sucks. Everything sucks." "Sorry." "I'm not even going to say it's not your fault." "I wouldn't expect you too," he laughed softly. "You and your hot, dirty counter sex." "You really liked it at the time." "At the time." "Do we know that was the time that well..." "Well...no," she sighed. "But I'm guessing it was." "Why?" "Because we were supposed to be talking and we had sex." "True." "And it fits the timeline or whatever," she shrugged. "And so does the sex we had later that night.' "You used a condom during that sex." "Also true. But that doesn't completely rule it out." "Condom and the pill rules it out." "Nothings 100% but abstinence and god knows we do the complete opposite of that." "True," she giggled and then sighed. "I'm okay now. I think that's it for throwing up. Well, right now it's it." "Good," he smiled. "And so good we now know why." "Good we know why," she murmured, pulling out of his arms. "Not good the why." "No, not really," he sighed. "I'm going to go shower," she sighed as she stood. "Okay," he nodded. "I'll get supper on." "Supper," Meredith nodded. "Nothing really heavy or anything. I...soup is good." "I can do soup," he smiled. "Movie marathon tonight?" "Sounds perfect," she breathed, kissing his cheek. "Sorry, I'm vomity." "My fault." "I love you." "I love you too." "Come get me when supper's ready," she said as she walked out of the washroom, leaving him alone as she climbed the stairs, her hand moving back to her stomach. Derek ran his fingers through his hair and headed toward the kitchen. She was pregnant. They were entirely too careful and still she was pregnant. And he had been about to tell her he didn't want anymore, which apparenty she didn't either. Except for now that was all beside the point as one was on its way. Unless they did something. His head felt like it was running laps. He couldn't believe it. Pregnant. Everything made sense now. The nausea, the exhaustion, the getting out of bed ten times in the middle of the night to pee...all of it came together. But he still couldn't completely believe it. He couldn't believe he had five weeks to wrap his mind around this and make a decision. A huge, life-changing decision. Five weeks to either ignore or listen to that small voice in his head that was telling him this was amazing. And now there’s no way out And I can’t help the way I feel


LOVE IS IN EVERYTHING - Part 3 · GA FAN FICS