Viewing Single Post From: YOU PICKED ME

Viewing Single Post From: YOU PICKED ME - Part 1
oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:05 PM
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Okay," he nodded, pulling her close and kissing her quickly. "Sex only," she murmured against his lips. "I know," he sighed. "For now." "Hmmm," she nodded, kissing him deeply just as her pager went off on her hip. "Crap." "Go," he nodded, kissing her quickly. "I'll see you later." "Bye, Der," she sighed, kissing him quickly before turning and leaving. They had had sex. He wasn't this guy, Mark was this guy but he never did the sleeping with random people in on call rooms. Not that Meredith was random. Meredith was amazing and they had sex. It had been amazing sex. And now she wanted only sex, just sex. He had never actually done just sex, and he certainly hadn't done it since Hannah. But Meredith didn't know about Hannah. For a moment, he had considered telling her. He had considered saying he couldn't have sex only because he had a five year old who expected her daddy home every night, who deserved someone in her life who wanted her and loved her. But he had figured that would only make this worse, and she would take sex only off the table. He wanted to be with her, needed to be with her, and he would take whatever he could get at this point. And eventually he had to tell her. He had no idea if she was going to take it. He had no clue how someone who didn't even date under normal circumstances was going to take him having a daughter that was his world. Hannah came first. And he couldn't just keep having sex with her with nothing come of it. It wasn't fair to Hannah. It wasn't fair to him. He sighed as he pulled his clothes on and fell onto the bed, rubbing his hands over his face. He wanted more with her. He had never felt this kind of overpowering need to be with a woman, not once. But he couldn't wait forever. He couldn't put himself through that when he had Hannah to worry about. Meredith would have to decide what she wanted, she would have to come to terms with whatever Katie says: this was. Ish says: For now he'd give her the time to figure it out. He wasn't going to push. He certainly wasn't going to push until she found out about Hannah. Because whatever she chose, Hannah had to be part of that decision. Hannah had to be part of the defintion of what they were. So he'd give her time to adjust to all of this and then he wanted an answer. Because he wanted it all. You don't have to die to leave my world, stand still and you've departed Disclaimer: There is an actual possibility that the writers will go on strike...it's a tiny one but it's there. And if they do, it will suck. But we won't go on strike. Promise. See...aren't you happy we don't own the show? Meredith stared at the glass of lemonade in front of her as her younger sister talked on and on about some class she was taking. And the professor. And the other people in the class. And how challenging the class was. At least, that's what Meredith thought her sister was talking about. It had been what she was talking about ten minutes before, but things might have changed. She was trying to listen. She was trying to be the good big sister and listen to whatever it was that her little sister was talking about. But she had slept with Derek. She had slept with him in an on call room and then in his office. Even though she said it was never going to happen at work again it had definitely happened at work again. And she didn't know what exactly to do now. She wanted to have sex with him again, that much she knew. He was good at it. Really, really good at it and the way he looked at her...yeah, it was amazing. But she had no idea what to do now. He was her boss. She was sleeping with her boss. It was kind of a big deal. A really big deal. And probably really bad. But she couldn't think about that now. Lexie. Lexie was talking. "And then my teacher started singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow in the middle of class," Lexie smiled widely. "Right...rainbow..." Meredith nodded, taking a bite of her sandwich. "In my other class the teacher figured we'd learn better about anatomy if we were naked so he had us all strip down and feel each other up." "That's great, Lexie," Meredith sighed, trying to get the image of Derek naked out of her head. "You're not listening." "What? Yes. I'm listening. Class. Rainbows." "Meredith, I just told you we all stripped down and felt each other up and you said it was great," Lexie pointed out. "You...what?" Meredith snapped her head up. "I said that we got naked and felt each other up and you said great." "I'm guessing that's not great." "You're guessing? Mer, what is it?" "What's what? Nothing's up. I didn't do anything. Or anyone." "Or anyone?" "Get your mind out of the gutter." "You're the one that said anyone. And I know you. When you say something like that it's always for a reason." "I slept with my boss. Twice." "You slept with Derek?" "Twice." "Wow, Mer," Lexie grinned. "Was he good?" "Amazing," Meredith groaned and then frowned. "Not that that's important. It's not. Not important at all. Because, well...yeah. Slept with my boss. Twice." "The fact he was amazing is usually the most important." "He's my boss." "Yes." "And I slept with him. Twice. In the hospital." "You did," Lexie nodded slowly, grinning. "And it was amazing." "It was," Meredith sighed. "Completely amazing. He does this thing...he bends me over his desk and...okay, not the point. The bending over the desk thing is not the point of the conversation. Not that it isn't completely amazing, it is. It's the best...okay, again. Boss. Sex. Twice. During work." "I'm missing the problem." "I can't have amazing bend over the desk sex at work with my boss." "Why not?" "Because he's my boss." "And you like him," Lexie grinned. "It's great." "I don't know if I like him," Meredith sighed. "You don't know?" "I...I don't know," Meredith nodded. "Or I do but...he wants more. Or something. And I don't..." "Wants more?" "More. Relationship more." "And that's...bad?" "Yes, Lexie, that's bad. That's really, really bad. I don't do relationships. At all. Definitely don't do relationships. I don't date. And I especially don't date my boss." "But Mer, I get that in the past things have been...hard and stuff. But...if you like him, you should give it a go." "He's my boss, Lexie." "That's a detail," Lexie shrugged. "If you really like him...you should over look that." "I can't, Lexie," Meredith shook her head. "And yeah...I like him. I think. I think I like him but it's big and scary and I can't date him. I don't date." "But you could." "No, I really couldn't. I really, really couldn't. I don't date. I've never...the point is, I don't date. And I couldn't date him. So now we're doing this sex only thing which is...well it's nice but he wants more and it's not fair. Because he doesn't get...I don't know if I'll be able to give him more and it's not fair. So yeah...not fair and...but I can't." "Meredith...minus the whole boss thing, why exactly can you not date him? What is with the not dating thing?" "I don't...I just don't date," Meredith shrugged. "Why?" "Because I...I don't. I never have and I just...I can't." "Why?" "Because I'm...I'm a busy intern. And I have my mom to deal with. I have issues. Lots of issues." "Busy people date all the time," Lexie shrugged. "I'm in med school and I would kill to date." "Lexie...seriously...just leave it." "No," Lexie shook her head. "You're my sister, I love you. And I want you to be happy. Derek could make you happy so no I'm not going to leave it. I wnat to know why you don't date." "Because I don't," Meredith shrugged. "No reason. I just don't. I'm not that type of girl." "Stop being Meredithy and talk." "It's...awkward." "You have to talk to someone," Lexie shrugged. "Right, because that someone should be my half-sister. My half-sister who had my dad and is relatively healthy. Besides that whole dorkiness thing. And the wide-eyed thing. But yeah...awkward." "So it's the dad thing isn't it?" "I guess." "Talk. I know it's awkward but who else are you going to talk to?" "I don�t need to talk. There's nothing to talk about. Thatcher left when I was five. He got you and Molly. And then he died right before I tried to make contact. That's it." "Meredith..." "What?" "If you can't be with Derek because of this it's something to talk about." "Lex, really, I'm fine. Good. Great. It's the daddy issue thing. Whatever. And he's my boss. Which is kind of more important than the dad thing. Which isn't even that big of a deal. Because Thatcher is dead. So really...not that big of a deal. I mean, well, his death is. That's a big deal. Cause he was your dad and he's dead but...the dad issue? Kind of a moot point or whatever." "No it's not," Lexie shook her head. "Yeah, it is." "Fine, don't talk," Lexie sighed. "But you can't keep letting what Dad did hurt your future." "I'm not," Meredith shook her head. "Lexie, I'm a surgical intern. And my mom has Alzheimer's. And my dad or ex-dad or whatever died. And I'm a surgical intern. I'm kind of really busy and...he doesn't need that. Derek. He doesn't need all that crap. He's bright and shiny and a morning person. I'm not. I'm not a morning person. Or...he doesn't need it. It's not about Thatcher." "How about you let him choose what he needs." "I don't know," Meredith groaned. "He's�him. And I'm...me. And I don't date. So I should probably end it. Right? I should end it." "Definitely not," Lexie shook her head. "I should," Meredith sighed. "I really should. I mean...he deserves more. More than just...sex. Even if it is really, really great sex." "And you're sure your never going to be able to give him more?" Lexe asked quietly. "I...I don't know." "Don't end it," Lexie shook her head. "Just...give it time." "What if...what if I can't?" Meredith sighed. "Seriously, Lexie. What if I can't give him...more. Or don't want to. I should end it. It's not fair to him." "Does he know where you stand right now?" Lexie asked. "He knows I don't date." "And he knows it's just sex?" "Yeah. He said...he said he'd wait. Which isn't fair. To him. Because maybe...maybe there's nothing to wait for. Maybe it will always be just sex. Which will make me the slutty intern screwing an attending. I have to end it." "Don't end it because of maybes," Lexie sighed. "He knows where you stand, you know where he stands. Just give it time to see where it goes. And if it doesn't change...than end it." "No, I really should just end it. I mean, just clean break. End it. Because sex with my boss is really bad anyway. Well, not the sex. The boss part." "Do you really want to do that?" "I...I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "I hate this. He's my boss. And I don't date. And he's incredibly...perfect. And honest. And great. And really good in bed." "You like him, Mer. Let that be enough for now." "Yeah�maybe. And the sex is really good." "Are you really considering giving up really good sex?" "I should." "No one should give up really good sex." "You have a point." "I always have a point." "Yeah, it's kind of annoying." "You love me." "Doesn't mean you're not annoying." "Yeah yeah," Lexie rolled her eyes. "I'm guessing you really didn't strip down in class and feel each other up?" "I don't know what kind of med school you went to, but no." "Just making sure," Meredith giggled. "Just needed to make sure you weren't listening," Lexie sighed. "Which I don't actually blame you for. If I was thinking of having sex I wouldn't be listening." "I wasn't thinking of having sex." "Of course not." "I was thinking of how bad it was to have great sex on a desk at work." "You had sex on a desk?" "I told you. He bent me over his desk." "Sorry. Trying to ignore the parts that make me jealous." "You're jealous that I'm having hot sex on a desk?" "Yeah." "It is really great by the way. Sex on a desk." "Well if you don't want it, I'll take it." "Seriously, Lexie. I'll kill you. And him. Hands off." "Well that says more than this entire conversation has." "What do you mean?" "I made a joke about sleeping with him and you're ready to kill me." "Because you're my little sister. And he's...my...boss I'm screwing." "Or because it's more than screwing." "It's not more than screwing, Lexie." "Sure it's not." "Seriously...kind of annoying." "Oh I love being right." "Why do I even waste my time talking to you?" "Because I'm your little sister and you love me and I let you use my room to sleep." "Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Give Derek a chance, Mer." "I'm screwing him. Which I shouldn't be doing. So that's a chance." "A real chance." "To do what?" "Be with him. Him be with you. Be happy." "I...maybe. We'll see. Right now, it's just sex." "Fine," Lexie sighed. "Fine," Meredith sighed. "Okay...no more about me. Or my great sex." "Why not?" "Because...something has to be going on with you. Talk." "Nothing is going on with me," Lexie shrugged. "Med school is hell but you know that. And I could definitely use some hot sex." "What happened to that guy...Jeff?" "He's a guy," Lexie sighed. "Apparently he doesn't want to get serious about any one girl." "I miss those guys," Meredith sighed. "You're odd." "You're the one who can't have sex unless you're in a relationship." "I don't see how that makes me odd," Lexie laughed. "You're the one that has an amazing guy and all you want is sex." "Okay a, you don't know if he's amazing and b," Meredith groaned as her pager went off. "And b...he just paged me for sex." "He just paged you for sex?" Lexie giggled. "Yes," Meredith nodded. "That's weird, right? I mean...paging for sex. That's...weird and dirty and...I should end it." "It's hot and dirty. Go." "Definitely going," Meredith nodded, standing up. "And then I'm ending it. After the hot dirty sex." "Don't be an idiot." "I'm not being an idiot." "You are if you end it." "Lexie. Boss. Sex. Paging for sex. It's wrong and dirty and...I have to end it. I should end it." "Fine," Lexie nodded. "Go have sex with him. And if you can look him straight in the eye and end it after sex, do so." "I will," Meredith nodded firmly, grabbing her purse. "Call me and let me know how it goes. The ending it part, not the hot sex part." "I will," Meredith said. "See you, Lex." "Bye Mer," Lexie grinned. Meredith sighed as she ran down the stairs of Lexie's apartment building and towards her car. She was having sex with Derek. Her boss. And he had just paged her for sex. On her day off. He probably didn't remember it was her day off. But he had paged her. For sex. This was bad. Really bad. Well, good. Because orgasms were generally good and she was about to get an orgasm, but still, bad. She had to end it. It didn't actually matter how much she liked the sex. And she definitely really liked the sex. The sex was amazing and possibly the best sex she had ever had ever. And she had had her fair share. But Derek was definitely the best. But still she had to end it. She had to tell him she couldn't do this and walk away. Because she couldn't sleep with her boss and he deserved more. He wanted more. He wanted a relationship and dating and...he wasn't the kind of guy who did sex only. So he definitely deserved more. More than a busy intern with mommy issues and daddy issues. And probably some intimacy issues. He definitely deserved more. So she had to end it. And she would. After the sex. The really incredible sex that was about to happen. She got to the hospital quickly, with Lexie living so close and headed up to his office, hoping she didn't run into anyone. Because she was an intern with crazy work hours and she figured that being at the hospital on her one day off looked entirely suspicious and she had no idea how she would handle that if anyone caught her. She had to get there, end it and get out. She ran up the stairs, thankful for not seeing anyone. Because yeah...bad. She couldn't wait for the good sex. She'd walk in, end it, walk out. Simple as that. Definitely that simple. Ending it was best. "I'm supposed to be off you know," she stated as she walked into his office, closing the door behind her. "And yet here you are," he smirked. "Normal people don't come to hospitals on their days off," she sighed. "No one ever said you were normal." "Thanks, Der," she rolled her eyes. "And we said no more at the hospital." "I was lonely," he shrugged. "So you page me for sex every time you're lonely? Don't you have lives to save or something?" "Actually...I just finished saving a life. I'm on a high." "Oh," she smiled slightly. "So this is post-surgery sex." "If you want to call it that," he smiled. "We don't need to have sex, we could just grab lunch." "You paged me on my day off for lunch?" she frowned. "Or sex. It's up to you." "We should probably talk," she sighed as he got out of his chair and moved towards her, his post-surgery high smirk on his face. "No, I don't think so," he shook his head. "What?" "I don't want to talk," he murmured, brushing his hand over her cheek. "But we...I mean, we should and talking and..." "We can talk later," he breathed, brushing his lips across hers. "I'm on a high and I want sex." "Oh," she moaned into his mouth as he gently forced her mouth open with his tongue, demanding entry. His hands moved down to the hem of her shirt as he turned her against his desk and she gasped as his hands moved over her breasts. Later. She'd definitely end it later. Farewell peace of mind Kiss goodbye to reason Up is down The impossible occurs each day This intoxication thrills me I only pray it doesn't kill me Disclaimer: We are too sleepy to think of a good disclaimer. So all we will say is that Paddy is the sex. And if we owned the show we'd be currently having sex with the sex. And yeah, we're not. Life is unfair. The elevator was entirely empty. He was leaning on the back looking at the empty space in front of him and all he could think about was how good of place this would be to have sex with Meredith. In an elevator. Which was odd, because he wasn't generally a guy who planned to have sex on elevators with a girl he'd rather be dating. But he was. And he was entirely happy with it. Or would be if Hannah didn't exist. Not that he was spending his days wishing his amazing five year old daughter didn't exist. He wasn't. Hannah was the number one thing in his life, nothing came before her. Which was why this whole sex only thing wasn't completely and totally working. He was enjoying it, entirely enjoying having sex all over the hospital. But when there was a kid involved...it wasn't right. Before Hannah he would have gone for this in a heart beat. Because he liked Meredith a lot, he wanted to date Meredith and be with her more than anything. But he would have been perfectly happy had she just suggested sex all over the hospital. His heart wasn't broken. He was good with the sex. He just wasn't good with all the sex considering the fact he had someone else to consider. Meredith kept suggesting sex at her place, or sex at his place, and he kept having to make up excuses. Because he couldn't have Meredith over for random sex when Hannah slept in the next room. Not even Mark brought home the girls he was sleeping with. And he couldn't spend the night at her house. Hannah expected him to be home. And Hannah was his number one responsibility. He had to tell Meredith about her. He had to make it clear that it wasn't that he didn't want to bring her home, he just couldn't bring her home for sex only. And that it wasn't that he didn't want to spend the night with her, he just had somewhere else that he should be. And he needed something more than sex to be with her because he had a daughter to think about. He needed her to know. He just had a terrible feeling that the second he told her, she'd end this. She would walk away and he wouldn't ever see her again. Well, he would see her again, but not in the way he wanted to see her. So telling her was impossible. But she needed to know. He needed to find a way to tell her and then find a way to convince her not to freak out. It was adorable when she freaked out, but he needed to convince her Hannah was not a reason to freak out. Or maybe she was because the fact he had a five year old daughter at home that completely depended on him was a pretty big deal but not big enough to run. He wanted Meredith to give it a chance. To at leat meet Hannah and see what it could be like. Because he knew already that Meredith was someone he'd be willing to introduce into his daughter's life, if she gave him half the chance. So he had to tell her. He'd tell her today. At some point, he would tell her. He'd tell her about his adorable five year old daughter who went to ballet class and had ten friends and who had a stuffed monkey named Nanners who wore a tutu. And he'd tell her the entire story. Today. Definitely today. He just hoped and prayed she wouldn't freak out. The elevator stopped a floor early and she walked on, giving him a quick smile. He should tell her. They were alone on the elevator and it was probably the perfect time. Although springing it on her first thing in the morning seemed slightly cruel. He could always page her later and tell her than. Talk like she had wanted to. "Hey," he finally smiled. "Hey," she turned, smiling back at him. "You look awake this morning," he grinned. "I got a lot of sleep last night," she shrugged. "And coffee." "Coffee is good," he nodded. "Ready for a long day full of surgeries and...other things?" "Other things?" she raised an eyebrow. "Yes," he nodded. "On call room things." "Oh, those things," she grinned. "Yes, those things," he laughed. "The ones that involve screaming." "I don't scream," she giggled. "You're kind of loud," he grinned. "Not screaming loud," she rolled her eyes. "And you're kind of loud too." "I am not." "You are," she giggled. "I have no idea what you're talking about." "Of course you don't." "I really don't," he shook his head. "I think you're just so loud you're trying to blame me." "I'm not that loud." "You are." "Okay, fine, whatever. But it's your fault." "I know it's my fault," he winked. "That thing you did yesterday, you know...the tongue thing...not my fault I screamed." "I'll take complete credit for that scream," he laughed. "Of course you will," she giggled. "So I was thinking...my room mates are working tonight." "Oh," Derek cleared his throat. "I...family stuff" "Oh," she bit her lip. "After family stuff then?" "It will probably go late and I have an early surgery tomorrow," he sighed, mentally kicking himself. He hated lying to her. He completely hated lying to her when she entirely deserved to know the truth. "Oh," she nodded. "Okay. That's...I mean, it's fine. You don't have to and...it's fine." "Sorry," he murmured. "I want to say yes." "Don't worry about it," she shrugged. "I do," he sighed. "I would love to get you for a night so I could really show you how good I can be." "I know you're good," she murmured, moving closer to him. "I'm good too." "Oh I know," he grinned. "Do you?" she breathed, her hand moving in between them to gently stroke him through his jeans. "Mer..." he gasped, feeling his jeans immediately tighten at her light touch. "Supply closet," she whispered in his ear, taking her hand away quickly as the elevator pinged, coming to a stop. Supply closet would definitely not involve talking. And he definitely had to talk to her. Except for now he was too damn hard to think straight enough to even imagne talking to her, let alone operating. Besides there was a very good chance she was going to never talk to him after he told her the thruth so he figured he might as well have her one last time. "Coming?" she breathed, smirking slightly as she moved off the elevator. "Definitely," he nodded, following behind her. "Dr. Shepherd, could you help me find an extra intubation kit?" she asked as she led him towards the supply room, a small smile on her face. "Certainly, Dr. Grey," he nodded, lightly biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. She opened the door and pulled him inside, closing the door quickly before pushing him against the door as she kissed him hard, her hand moving back down to quickly undo his jeans, pushing them over his hips, his boxers following quickly. He gasped as she wrapped her hand over his erection, still kissing him hard. "Derek," she breathed, biting on his lip as she massaged him. "Oh god, Mer," he groaned, his hips rocking into her as she stroked him gently. "Quiet," she giggled breathlessly before lowering herself onto her knees, one hand still moving over him as she licked the head of his penis slowly. "Mer...what....you....what?" he asked. "You did that thing with your tongue," she murmured, gently running her fingernails up and down his shaft, "now it's my turn." "Oh god," he gasped. "Shhh," she murmured, running her tongue up and down the length of him, her hand moving to grasp at his balls. He groaned as his hands reached down to tug at her hair, his knees already shaking with anticipation. She took him into her mouth slowly, sucking at him as his hips rocked, trying to push himself further into her mouth. "Mer...you...oh..." he breathed, his voice sounding shaky as she pulled back against and flicked his head with her tongue. "Slow," she murmured, squeezing at his balls before leaning forward to run her teeth over him, his erection throbbing almost painfully as she took a little bit more of him into her mouth, one hand moving to hold his hips in place against the door. Her tongue swirled around him before she pulled back again and ran her tongue along the underside of the shaft. "Oh fuck," he groaned, feeling his knees shake harder. "No fucking," she breathed, taking him into her mouth again. He gasped as his hips rocked against her hand, forcing her to take even more of him into her mouth. He grasped at her hair, pulling at it as her tongue worked over him, his knees shaking violently along with his hips. He pushed her head against his rocking hips, gasping as his erection met the back of her throat, as she sucked hard. "Mer....oh god," he gasped, holding her head steadier as his body rocked into her. He felt everything else start to go numb as she sucked at him, alternating between hard and soft as he pushed himself further into her mouth. "Hmm," she murmured, the vibrations sending shivers up and down his spine as her hand worked at his balls. His knees started to shake violently, the rest of his body following as his orgasm built. "Come for me, Der," she murmured, sucking harder. "Mer..." he gasped, as his body shuddered in release as he spilled into her mouth. She swallowed eagerly and then sat back on her heels, wiping her mouth discreetly as she smiled up at him. "You okay?" "O...o...wow," he breathed. "Wow?" she giggled, standing and kissing him lightly. "Wow." "Hmmm," she smiled, kissing him again. "Wow." "There are other words in the English language, Derek." "Yeah...wow." "You're not having a stroke are you?" she laughed as she ran her hand over his curls. "Maybe," he laughed breathlessly, and shaking his head quickly. "Did you...that was...I've never...that was the best ever." "Seriously?" "Seriously." "I�m glad I could help," she grinned. "Yeah," he nodded. "I should probably go," she sighed. "Rounds." "I hate rounds," he frowned. "Me too," she nodded. "I'll go out first. Hand me...something to take out with me. Or can you move?" "I think I can move," he nodded, stepping away slightly. "I'll umm...lunch or something, I'll repay you." "Okay," she grinned, kissing him quickly. "See you, Der." "Yeah," he nodded. "See you." "You okay?" she asked, her hand on the handle of the door. "Perfect," he smiled. "Just...waiting for the brain to restart." "Okay," she giggled. "Page me." She turned and left the room, leaving him to lean against the wall, trying to form coherent thoughts. He hadn't been lying, that had been amazing. He hadn't actually remembered his last blow job all that well but he knew it hadn't been anything compare to that. She was gone and his head was still swimming, completely and totally swimming. He couldn't think about talking or cutting or doing anything else besides standing there and trying to regretfully return to earth. He had surgeries. He had patients. He had paperwork and budgets to plan. But he couldn't move. He could barely breathe. His brain was entirely misfiring right now, which was perfectly fine. He was good with the inability to think right now. Because if he actually thought, he'd realize that he didn't want to talk to her yet. He couldn't talk to her about Hannah yet. He needed to, he knew that, he just couldn't. 'Cause I know baby I know you're the nervous kind With so much going on in your mind Disclaimer: The blog was worthless. There are no clips to the episode. The people who own the show are really dropping the ball, aren�t they? That should be proof enough that we don�t own the show. Meredith was exhausted. And sore. But the sore was a sore in a good way, the sore that came from entirely dirty sex against a sink in the washroom. She figured she'd have bruises tomorrow from that, but the sex had been...amazing. Risky, completely risky, but amazing and fast. Apparently a way for both of them to get out frustrations over patients or something. And now she was sore and waiting for the elevator. She still had to actually end this. Because she was having a lot of fun and the sex was entirely amazing. But Derek definitely wanted more. He kept giving her looks, looks that said something entirely different about wanting to have sex with her. So she had to end it. Or something. Because recently something seemed a lot better than ending it, and she just wasn't sure exactly how to go about any of this. A part of her wanted more. A lot more. She liked him. He was funny, hilariously funny and...kind of perfect. And the sex was great. Amazingly great. She was supposed to end this, she needed to end this but ending it was...it was getting impossible. He was her boss, her incredibly perfect boss, and she probably shouldn't be wanting more from him. Of course, she probably shouldn't be sleeping with him. But now it was getting harder. He would ask her to grab lunch, or even just a coffee, and he'd give her a look. And she wanted to grab whatever he wanted and talk to him and giggle and all that stuff she never did with a guy and really had no idea how to do. But she wanted it with Derek. Derek, her boss, which made it entirely wrong even if she was the most bright and shiny person alive. She sighed as she moved into the elevator, leaning her head against the wall. She definitely couldn't be wanting more. More was bad. He gave her looks, amazing looks and he was her boss. It was wrong. Completely wrong. And yet...she was starting to thing more might be right. More might be okay. "Can I press the button?" she heard a tiny voice behind her. "Oh," Meredith frowned, turning around to find an adorable little girl with brown curly hair, smiling up at her. "Ummm...okay." "What number?" the little girl asked, stepping forward as the elevator doors closed. "Four please," Meredith smiled. "Me too!" the girl grinned, pressing the button eagerly. "Oh," Meredith nodded slowly, looking around the elevator that entirely empty besides the two of them and then looking at the girl who was obviously too young to be in a hospital alone. "Where's your mommy or your daddy?" The little girl shrugged as she looked up at the numbers. "Are you a doctor?" she asked after a second. "I am," Meredith nodded. "I never seened you before," the little girl said slowly. "What's your name?" "I'm Meredith. What's your name?" "Hannah," she smiled widely. "Have you seen my daddy, Mereith?" "Oh umm...I don't know. Who is your daddy?" Meredith asked. "He does hemistomies," Hannah grinned. "He does hemis...what?" "Hemistomies," Hannah nodded. "My daddy's real smart. So's my Uncle Monkey. Do you know where my Uncle Monkey is?" "You have an Uncle Monkey?" "Yep. He's the bestest. Well, my daddy's the bestest. Uncle Monkey is the next bestest." "Umm okay," Meredith nodded slowly. "I gotta find them," Hannah said. "I got a loose tooth, see?" She reached her finger up to her mouth to wiggle her tooth. "Oh wow," Meredith smiled. "Is that your first loose tooth?" "Yep. My very first one. Mrs. Pruitt said the tooth fairy will come and Nana said I gotta tell Daddy soon as I get to the hopital. So I gotta find Daddy and Uncle Monkey cause I got a loose tooth." "Okay," Meredith nodded, watching the doors as the elevator passed by the third floor. "I can help you find them." "Really?" Hannah grinned. "Good. Cause I been looking all over the place. Maybe Daddy's doing hemistomies." "Maybe," Meredith nodded. "And Uncle Monkey might have a sleepover cept it's not night time so he can't have a sleep over when it's still bright. Right, Mereith? He can't have sleep overs when the sun's still out. He's gotta wait for it to get dark and for the stars to come out. My nana says the stars come out to play cause it's real dark and I'm kinda scared of the dark so God sends out the stars so I'm not scared." "Oh umm.." Meredith stammered. Hannah was talking a lot. She was actually kind of rambling, but Meredith figured kids didn't ramble. Not that she had any idea. She didn't know kids, she had no idea about children unless it was in a doctor capacity. Or Laura. But Laura was a baby, not a little girl walking around the hospital alone. "Stars...night...yeah, that's good." "But Daddy buyed me a balleina night lite case I get scared when my curtains are closed at night. So now I have a balleina night lite. I like ballet. I go to ballet on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Daddy says I'm the very bestest balleina ever cept I think that's Angelina Balleina." "Oh," Meredith nodded. "I...you're probably really good. And if you have fun...fun is what matters." "I have lots and lots and lots of fun," Hannah nodded as the doors opened. "We're here! C'mon, Mereith!" She grabbed Meredith's hand and dragged her out of the elevator. "Coming," Meredith nodded, trying to keep up with the girl's pace. "We gotta find Daddy and Uncle Monkey," Hannah said. "I gotta tell Daddy about my loose tooth and the tooth fairy. But I can't tell him Nana gave me cookies. Daddy doesn't like when I eat lots of cookies cause cookies got lots of sugar. You won't tell him about my cookies right, Mereith?" "Of course not," Meredith nodded, looking around the hallways to see if anyone seemed to be looking for a little girl. Everyone was smiling at her. But no one was claiming her. "Good," Hannah grinned and then stopped by the nurse's station. "Hi, Tyler!" "Hi Hannah," Tyler smiled. "Looking for your daddy?" "Yep," Hannah nodded quickly. "I got a loose tooth, see?" Her hand went up to her mouth to show Tyler. "Wow!" Tyler grinned. "Your daddy is going to be happy. I think he just scrubbed out." "Did he do a hemistomies?" "Hannah?" another voice interrupted Tyler's answer. "Why aren't you in daycare?" "Daddy!" Hannah grinned, turning around to jump into Derek's arms. "I got a loose tooth!" "You do?" Derek smiled widely. "Let me see." "See?" Hannah opened her mouth wide, wiggling her top front tooth. "Wow," Derek grinned. "That's pretty cool, Hannah Banana." "I know," she giggled. "Nana said I gotta tell you soon as I get here. And the tooth fairy. Cause when my tooth falls the tooth fairy's gonna give me a whole dollar! Nana said." "Oh Nana said that, did she?" "Yep," Hannah nodded firmly. �A whole dollar!� "That's pretty cool," Derek nodded, finally tearing his eyes away from Hannah to look at Meredith finally. "Hi." �Daddy, that�s Mereith,� Hannah said before Meredith could say anything. �She�s my new friend. She�s a doctor like you. Mereith, this is my Daddy!� Meredith just stared at them. "Mer...I...this is my daughter, Hannah," Derek said quietly. Daughter. He had a daughter. He had a kid. A really cute kid who seemed to have a rambling problem. And he had never said a word. But he had a kid. She was sleeping with him and he wanted to date and he had a kid. A kid. This was...her boss had a kid. Which meant her boss probably had a wife or something. Because kids had moms and dads. So her boss was probably now her married boss. This was...bad. She had been sleeping with him, a lot of sleeping with him, every where in the hospital. And he could be married, there was a very real possibility that he was married. Or something. Even if he wasn't, he had a daughter. Derek was a dad, with a daughter that was right now clinging to him like he was her world. Which was sensible, as well, she was his daughter that he had never told her about. �Daddy, where�s Uncle Monkey?� Hannah asked. �I gotta tell him about my loose tooth!� "I think he's in surgery, honey," Derek sighed. "We'll have to tell him later." �He�s doing rhinopasties,� Hannah turned to Meredith. �He fixes people who look bad. He wants to fix Daddy�s nose but Daddy says no. If my nose was like Daddy�s nose I�d let Uncle Monkey fix it. But my nose isn�t like Daddy�s nose.� "Mark," Derek explained quietly. �Oh,� Meredith nodded. Of course. Mark. Mark Sloan was Uncle Monkey. And he fixed noses. But Hannah didn�t have Derek�s nose. She looked almost exactly like him, but she definitely didn�t have his nose. Which meant she had her mom�s nose. The mom Derek could still be married to. Or something. Because he had a kid. A kid who didn�t have his nose. A kid who looked exactly like him. "And young lady, you need to get back to daycare," Derek sighed before turning to Meredith and mouthing a quick sorry. "Meredith, come with us." �Yeah, Mereith, come with us!� Hannah nodded. �I left Nanners in daycare case Lynn thought I wasn�t coming back. But I was coming back. I can�t leave Nanners. Nanners would hate me forever and ever if I left her in daycare and didn�t come back. So you can see Nanners!� "Yes, come see Nanners," Derek smiled slightly, definitely pleading with her with his eyes. He was giving her that look. The McDreamy look. And apparently he had taught his daughter how to do it too because she was giving her the look too. And it was strange and weird but she nodded and followed behind Derek as Hannah rambled to him about school. School. So she was old enough to be in school. She was probably around five. Derek had a five year old daughter. A secret five year old. "You're going to ask for a doll house for Christmas now, aren't you?" Derek laughed gently. �Yep, a great big one!� Hannah grinned. �Not as big as our house but real big, Daddy. But Christmas isn�t for a real long time, Daddy. And I don�t have a dollhouse.� "No you don't," Derek shook his head. "Hence asking for one for Christmas." �I can�t have one now?� "I don't know, Han," Derek sighed. "That's a pretty gift just because." �But it�s real cool and I�ll keep my room clean and everything!� she insisted. �Mereith, do you like dollhouses? My school has one and it�s big and real cool and pwetty. And I want one real bad.� "Oh..umm..." Meredith mumbled. "Yeah...cool." �If I get one then you can come over and play,� Hannah smiled at Meredith. �Can�t she, Daddy? She�s my friend.� "Of course she can," Derek nodded. "If she wants to." �Mereith, you wanna play right?� "Maybe...I...maybe," Meredith nodded. Because she wasn't even sure exactly what the question had been because her head was swirling around and she wasn't quite sure it was possible to say no to the little girl with Derek's eyes. �Maybe means yes,� Hannah giggled. �Daddy, I think when I lose my tooth the tooth fairy should give me a dollhouse, not a whole dollar.� "Hannah Banana, the tooth fairy can't give you a dollhouse," Derek laughed. �Why not?� she laughed. Derek�s laugh. She definitely had Derek�s laugh. And Derek�s smile. And Derek�s eyes. "Because you put your tooth under your pillow and she takes it and put that dollar there instead. How would she put a dollhouse under your pillow?" �It wouldn�t fit,� Hannah pouted. "Exactly," Derek nodded. "But Santa could fit it under the tree." �But Santa�s not coming for a real long time, Daddy!� "It's not that long," Derek shook his head, smiling warmly at his daughter. "It's nearly October. And that's just two months." �October. That means Hallween!� "It does," Derek smiled. "Are you going to be a ballerina again?" �I�m gonna be pwincess balleina,� Hannah sighed. �Uncle Monkey said I should be a dead balleina but that�s sad and stupid, Daddy. Right?� "It's kind of a good idea, very creative. But a princess ballerina is an even better idea." �I think so too,� Hannah nodded. �Mereith, are you gonna be somethin� for Hallween? You can trick or treat with me and Daddy and Uncle Monkey.� "Oh umm...oh," Meredith mumured. "I...uh...maybe." �And you can get lots and lots of candy,� Hannah smiled widely as they came to the nursery. �I like candy. Daddy won�t let me eat it all. Cause candy�s sugar. Do you like candy, Mereith?� "Candy...good," Meredith nodded. �Candy�s the bestest,� Hannah said. �Daddy, do I gotta go back to daycare? Can�t I stay with you, please?� "You can't, Han," Derek sighed, frowning slightly at his daughter. "I miss you though." �I�ll miss you too, Daddy,� Hannah sighed, hugging him tightly. �Love you mostest.� "I love you mostest too," Derek breathed into her hair. "I'll be done soon and we can go home." �Can we have hot dogs for dinner?� "Sure," Derek nodded. "But only if you eat some carrots too." �Fine,� she sighed dramatically. �Mereith, will you come see me sometimes? Please?� "Oh umm....sure, maybe...I...mean...maybe," Meredith answered. �Kay,� Hannah nodded. �Bye, Mereith.� "Bye Hannah," Meredith nodded. �Bye, Daddy!� Hannah exclaimed as Derek put her down and she ran back into daycare. Her brown curls bouncing behind her. Meredith sighed and leaned against the wall as Derek watched his daughter for a second. He looked entirely happy. He looked at her like she was his everything. Which...yeah it made sense. It did. Except normal people didn�t hide their everythings. "Come on," he sighed, pulling himself away from the door of the daycare. "I'm buying you a coffee." �No,� she shook her head. �It�s...I don�t need coffee. I�m fine. Work. I should...and you should work too. So you can go home and spend time with...with your daughter.� "I'm buying you a coffee because we need to talk," Derek sighed, grabbing her hand. �Derek...Dr. Shepherd, it�s fine.� "Meredith, we're talking," he groaned. "You're not actually getting an option here so you might as well stop trying to find one." �Fine,� she rolled her eyes, following him. He had a kid. A kid and now he was going to talk. Probably tell her he had a wife too. A wife and a kid. Or maybe an ex-wife and a kid. Either way, there was a kid. And it was kind of a big deal. Actually, a huge deal. And she had no idea how to deal with this. He ordered their coffees quickly and led her outside, where for once it wasn't raining. It was Seattle and it wasn't raining. "So I have a daughter," Derek sighed. �You don�t have to explain, Derek,� she shook her head. �I mean, I�m just the slutty intern you�ve been sleeping with. How does Hannah�s mom feel about that, by the way?� "I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel anything about that," Derek shrugged. "I haven't seen her in five years. I have no idea where she is." Okay, she hadn�t been expecting that. Not at all. �You...what?� "There's no mother in the picture," Derek shrugged. "Just me. And Mark. And my mom and sisters." �How can...she has a mom, Derek. Everyone has a mom.� "Actually, as Mark puts it, Hannah has an egg donor," Derek sighed, sitting down on a bench. "Sit down so we can actually talk about this." �Hannah has an egg donor,� she said slowly, sitting down next to him. "She does," Derek nodded slowly. "Her mother is a woman I dated casually during my residency. Her name's Liz." �Liz. And you dated her casually and now you have a kid.� "We had been together a couple of months and she found out she was pregnant. She didn't want her, she had no interest in having her. And me...I wanted a child. I had always wanted a child." �Okay,� Meredith nodded carefully, her head still swimming. "We were...done," Derek shrugged. "She wasn't a great love, I wasn't going to fall in love with her anytime soon. But there was Hannah. We talked. She agreed that she would give Hannah to me and I'd raise her alone." �Give her to you? What does that...what does that even mean? Give her to you?� "She signed over all her parental rights. For all technical purposes...Hannah doesn't have a mom." �She...she just signed some papers and that was it?� "That was it," Derek nodded. "Hannah is entirely mine. She can't come back, she can't do anything. When Hannah's older...if she wants to find her, I'll help. But...there's no ex-wife, no broken heart...definitely no current wife." �Oh,� Meredith breathed. "And I was going to tell you about her." �But you didn�t. You hid her from me. I mean, I guess we weren�t...we weren�t talking or anything. But you...she�s your daughter. And I didn�t...you didn�t tell me.� "I wasn't hiding her," Derek shook his head quickly. "I was...I protect her, I've spent the last five years of my life protecting her. And when I meet a woman, I don't tell her about Hannah until I know that it's serious, or that I want it to be. I was going to tell you. I was just looking for the right time." �You were looking for right time,� Meredith murmured, staring into her coffee cup. He wanted to be serious. He wanted to date her and be serious and he had a daughter. A daughter who didn�t have a mother. And he wanted to be serious. It was...insane. Completely insane and...he had a daughter. A five year old who talked a lot and who he protected and he wanted to be serious. "I know this is big, I get that," Derek nodded. "I have a daughter." �You have a daughter,� Meredith nodded. �You have a daughter who looks like you and kind of rambles. Well, maybe not. Maybe that�s how all kids act and I just don�t know it because I don�t do kids. I don�t get kids. I mean, I have a niece. But she�s...she�s a baby and they don�t talk. Babies. Don�t talk. And you have a daughter. And I...you have a daughter who doesn�t have a mom.� "She does ramble," Derek smiled slightly. "You two could have...odd conversations. And Mer...I'm...I'm not looking at you to be her mom. I mean...I just want you to give us a chance. And it is us. It's me and Hannah." �You and Hannah. You want me...and I...you have a daughter. You have a five year old daughter and I don�t...I mean...you have a daughter. And that�s kind of a really big deal. A really big huge deal and we�ve been...it�s kind of huge.� "I know," he sighed. "Understand why I didn't want this to be just sex?" �Because you have a daughter.� "Exactly. It's not just me I have to worry about." �You have a daughter,� she couldn�t stop saying it. Because a couple months ago he had been her boss. And then she had been sleeping with her boss. And now he was her boss with a kid. And she was sleeping with him. And he had to worry about his daughter. "You keep saying that," he nodded. "I had figured there'd be more rambling." �I just...you have a daughter.� "I know," he nodded. "What are you thinking?" �I don�t know,� she shook her head. �I�m thinking you have a daughter. I�m thinking I don�t even...I don�t talk to kids. I don�t...I�ve never wanted kids and you have a daughter. And I�ve been screwing you all over the hospital. And you have a daughter. And I don�t know. I don�t...I can�t do this. I can�t...I�m an intern. And you�re my boss. And you have a daughter.� "Meredith...forget about that boss and intern thing, we're past that," Derek said firmly, keeping his voice gentle. "You really don't do kids?" �I...I�ve never...I have a niece. And she�s a baby and I hold her sometimes but...the only time I even talk to kids is when they�re hurt and I�m fixing them and I...I don�t....I�ve never done kids. I don�t even think I want kids. Which is...� "Makes this even harder," he said quietly. �Yeah. And you like kids. And you want kids. And you have a kid and I don�t do kids and...she deserves someone who wants kids.� "She does," Derek nodded. "But...you just...do you not like kids? Or do you just not know kids? Because there's a difference." �I don�t know,� Meredith sighed. �They seem...I mean I like them when I�m taking care of them here. But...I don�t know. I�d probably screw up a kid beyond belief.� "You wouldn't," Derek shook his head. "I've seen you with enough patients...you'd be good." �Derek...no,� she shook her head. �You don�t...I�m dark and twisty. Like...my dad and my mom and...I�d screw up kids. Really bad. And I...I never wanted kids. And you have a daughter.� "Give her a chance, Mer," Derek sighed. �Derek I...� she shook her head. �I�m sorry.� "Meredith...I like you. A lot." �I know,� she whispered. "I know the fact I have a daughter is big and scary," he whispered. "I get that, I do. I'm just asking for a chance here." �I can�t.� "Why?" �I just...you have a daughter. And I don�t...I can�t...I�m sorry.� "So am I," he murmured. �I do...you�re...and she�s...but I...� Meredith bit her lower lip and stood. �I�m sorry.� "Mer..." �What?� "Don't do this." �I can�t be her mom.� "I'm not asking you to be her mom. I'm asking for a few dates to see where this goes." �I don�t think I can.� "Okay," he nodded. �I�m sorry,� she breathed, looking around quickly before leaning forward and kissing him. "I'm not giving up, Mer," he whispered against her lips. �You really should,� she murmured. "I can't." �You have a daughter,� she sighed, kissing him again before pulling away. �I�ll see you later, Dr. Shepherd.� "See you, Dr. Grey," he nodded. She turned and walked away, her chest hurting a little. She didn�t know why it was hurting, or why she was trying to fight back tears. He had a kid. A kid whose mother had left her. And Hannah was cute, she was adorable, but she deserved someone who wanted kids. And Meredith wasn�t...he had a kid. And she didn�t know how to deal with that. �This is the day when everything changes��


YOU PICKED ME - Part 1 · GA FAN FICS