Viewing Single Post From: YOU PICKED ME

Viewing Single Post From: YOU PICKED ME - Part 1
oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:39 PM
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Bye, Derek," she smiled slightly as she moved out of the supply closet, her hands shaking. She had just slept with him. It hadn't been the plan. She had been angry and fighting and then she had kissed him and they had just...definitely not part of the plan. Never part of the plan and now...she was doing McDreamy. She was doing Derek Shepherd, her boss. Her attending. "You wanted it so much and now that it's over, you don't know what you want..." Disclaimer: It's Grey's Day. Which means a day full of stress, anxiety and a litle excitement mixed in for good measure. If we owned the show it would just be a lot of excitement and celebration. Derek pulled his shirt over his head, trying to ignore the fact his body still had a fine sheen of sweat on it. Good sweat, really good sweat but sweat all the same. He should probably get clean scrubs or something. Later of course. "So that was fun," he sighed. "Definitely fun," Meredith giggled as she tied her scrub pants. "So...." Derek breathed, running his fingers through his hair. "Not that I'm not enjoying this, because I am. But...what exactly is this?" "I had a feeling that was going to come up," she sighed, her hands moving around her back to clasp her bra. "Well...that was...we keep ending up like this. We should talk about it," Derek shrugged. "Or we could just keep ending up like this," she smiled hopefully, slipping her red long-sleeved t-shirt on. "As fun as this is, and it is fun, lots of fun...there's talking that should be had," he sighed, sitting down on the bed. "Fine," she groaned, leaning against the desk, pulling her hair back. "So...what is it?" "I don't know." "I know what I want this to bed," he nodded. "I also know you're not ready for that." "I'm not," she agreed, looking down at the floor. "I know," he whispered. "So...that leaves us a hanging question." "Yeah," she breathed. "I don't want to put this on you, Mer...but...you're the one that has to define this." "I know. I know I do. I just...I don't know it is. I know what you want and I...I can't." "I know," he nodded. "So what is it you want?" "I think I just made that pretty clear, Derek," she giggled slightly. "You did," he laughed softly. "I just...I can't...I'm not ready to be in a relationship or whatever." "I know," he nodded. "But you...I...you're you." "Is that a good thing?" "Yes," she sighed. "I think...yes, it's a good thing. Because you're you and I can't...we keep ending up here." "We do," he grinned. "So we keep ending up like this and you're you and I...I like the you that you are. And you're very good in bed...or against a wall or whatever." "You're not too bad either," he sighed. "But you...I don't know, Derek. I don't know what to do." "Meredith...don't think so hard about it. And don't worry about what I want or what the future may hold for us. Right now...what do you want?" "At this second? You. Naked. Again." "So you want sex." "Yes." "Okay." "But you don't...it's the same as last time. You don't do sex only." "I don't," he nodded. "Not as a rule. But I can." "It's not fair to you," she murmured. "How about you let me decide what's fair and not fair." "How is it fair to you?" she asked, looking at him. "You have a daughter and you want...things and I can't...and I don't know...what if I'm never ready?" "That's a bridge we'll cross when we get there," he sighed. "Right now...I just want to be with you, Mer. I'll take whatever you can give me." "But, Derek, you...you deserve more. You deserve better." "Better than you?" "Yes. Better than somebody who has commitment issues. Better than somebody who has intimacy issues. Better than...better than me. Yes." "Okay...A...I'm starting to come to the realization that quite possibly there is no one better...and B...maybe I do deserve someone without your issues, but when does what I want come into play?" "What?" "I want you, Meredith. I know all the dark and twisty stuff...and I want you still." "I'm not even going to ask why," she sighed. "It sounds lame and whiny and...but...you deserve more than this, Derek. And I know right now you're okay with it but your head is probably kind of fuzzy and in a few hours you'll want more and I...you deserve more." "Unless my brain has been kind of fuzzy for the last few months, which I hope it hasn't with all the cutting I've been doing, I know what I want and it's not going to change," he shrugged. "And I don't know why I want it." "So...you're okay with this? Really okay?" "Do you really think I'm going to take issue with having all the sex I want?" "Well...no," Meredith giggled. "I just...you don't do this. You don't do the sex only thing because you have a daughter. A really cute daughter who I adore but you...you don't do this and now you're going to do it and I don't want you to think...it may not go anywhere." "I know it might not," he nodded. "And the daughter...I don't usually do sex only because Hannah gets...it gets complicated. But you know about Hannah, you know why you can't spend the night and all that stuff." "So we're just having sex here...at the hospital." "I can't take you home, Mer. Hannah would be confused. And I can't not go home at night." "Okay," she nodded slowly. "Okay." "So sex only." "Sex only," she sighed. "Are you okay?" Derek asked, looking at her carefully. "I'm good, Der," Meredith smiled slightly. "I just...I don't know if this is a good idea. For you." "I'm willing to give it a try," he shrugged. "You don't have to worry about me." "Of course you're willing," she rolled her eyes. "All the sex at work you want." "With you." "With me." "That's a big part of the equation for me." "I know. I know it is." "And I really am okay with this." "Right now you are." "And I will be. If it stops being okay...I'll force you to talk after mind blowing sex again." "Oh you think you're so sneaky," she rolled her eyes. "You know there are rules to the sex only thing." "Rules are good," he smiled. "We were really good with them last time." "No breaking them this time. I'm not going to break them and you definitely can't break them." "I'm not agreeing to not breaking them until I know what they are." "Fine," she sighed. "One, no dating. You don't get to ask me out on dates or meet me for drinks or something and be all...datey about it. No dates. No dating. And no sneaky dating." "What's sneaky dating?" "Not that I'm accusing you of using your daughter...I'm not. At all. But sneaky dating is asking me to meet you guys at like...the ice cream place and then you're all...datey about it." "Okay," he laughed. "But what if Hannah asks you?" "If Hannah asks me then that's different. Then I'm Hannah's friend and you just sit there." "If I sit beside you in the caf to eat lunch or buy you a coffee in the morning does that count as a date?" "Yes.� "Okay," he nodded slowly. "I can take that rule." "And no talking about it. It's like Fight Club." "No talking...okay," he nodded. "Can I tell Mark?" "No. Sloan has a big mouth." "But he thinks I'm a woman. He'll be proud." "Sloan thinks you're a woman?' "Yeah," Derek sighed. "Since I had Hannah...I haven't been getting a lot of...sex, and in his mind that makes me a woman." "Fine," Meredith sighed. "You can tell him. But he has to keep quiet. Really, really quiet." "Thank you," Derek grinned. "Besides that...I'm good with quiet." "And...no talking," Meredith bit her lip. "It's just sex. I'm not your girlfriend. I'm...I'm your intern who you happen to be having lots of sex with." "No talking about us? Between us?" "Yes." "Okay..." he said slowly. "But...if something comes up, an actual issue, we talk about it. And if you need to talk about anything...you can." "Okay," she nodded. "And um...if you...I mean, you're allowed...other people." "What? No. I'm not sleeping with other people," Derek shook his head quickly. "Do you...do you want to sleep with other people?" "No," she shook her head. "No. Definitely...I just...if you want to. You can." "Fine. I don't want to." "Oh. Okay." "I don't sleep with random women." "I was a random woman," she frowned. "Well, I was your intern. But also kind of a random woman...intern." "There's nothing random about you." "You need to get that checked out." "What checked out?" "The cheesiness." "You like the cheesiness." "Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "So no other people. Unless you meet other people. If you meet other people and you like other people then...I get it." "No other people." "At all?" "At all." "Okay," she shrugged slightly, smiling. "Is that it for rules?" "For now." "You and your adding rules," Derek laughed. "It's entirely your fault," she giggled. "How is it entirely my fault?" "Because you do things and after you do them they have to become a rule so you don't do them again." "I'm creative," he grinned. "Or annoying." "I'm going with creative." "You do that." "Come here," he smiled. "What?" she grinned, walking towards him. "I'm pretty sure we should shake on this...or kiss." "Kissing is good," she giggled as he took her face in his hands and kissed her hard. "Hmm..." he murmured as he pulled away. "I like this deal." "Me too," she murmured, running her hands over his chest. "Want to get naked again?" he asked, winking at her. "Do we have time?" she asked, already slipping his scrub top over his chest. "We can make time," he shrugged, grabbing at her shirt. "Sleeping with my boss is the best idea ever," she laughed as their lips met again. "It definitely was," he groaned against her lips. But theres something 'bout you i can't keep away just cant keep away we know we'll crash down but i don't want it any other way Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy things like this would happen. Because people talking to Meredith like this...it would be good, really good. But this doesn't happen as we don't own the show. Sadly. Crap. Crap. She was late, beyond late, so late. Late and with sex hair, really, really obvious sex hair because apparently when Derek was on the surgery high and completely horny, he grabbed at her hair more. Or something. But yes, so late. So late and with sex hair and she couldn't get her skirt to sit right because her hands were still shaking. She wasn't sure how, but they were. That had been a bad idea. She had been running late already and then Derek had looked at her with that gleam in his eye, the gleam that told her to run in the opposite direction if she wanted to be anywhere on time but she was yet to discover exactly how to run from that gleam. It made her just want to do dirty things to him. Which she had. In the scrub room. Which made it dirtier. They could have gotten caught. Someone could have walked in but he had somehow managed to do it without either of them actually getting undressed. He had backed her against the wall and kissed her and suddenly he was in her and it had been fast. Well, not fast, fast. But fast. And then she had realized what time it was and had wanted to kill him. He had just laughed at her. Ass. And now she was late and Susan was going to kill her. Actually she was late and it was entirely obvious why she was late. She was pretty sure her lips were still swollen and not all the lipstick in the world was helping that. Not to mention she was still shaking, which she might be able to pass off as a surgery high. That could work. And the hair could be...no, it was definitely sex hair. And walking was difficult. Why the hell was walking still difficult? It was the shaking, the shaking threw off her balance and she was wearing heels. Why the hell was she even wearing heels? And why the hell had Derek gotten that look in his eyes when he had walked out with her. He had to go to Thanksgiving at his mom's. Where his daughter was. But he still had that damn look in his eyes. He was not getting sex tomorrow. That was it, that was all there was to it. The man wasn't going to get sex tomorrow and maybe not the next day either. He couldn't just keep jumping her. It had been a week and she was pretty sure that now that they had managed a scrub room there was no where else left in the hospital to have sex. This was insane. She was happy he was happy with the sex only thing. And she was happy with it too. But hell, they had even managed to have sex on the roof of the hospital. He was completely...he was a pervert. That was it. He liked sex, no he loved sex, and this was just...it was amazing but bad. Because now she was late and she was shaking and she couldn't actually walk straight. "You're late," Lexie's voice interrupted her thoughts as she made her way up the driveway, to see Lexie standing in the doorway. "Yeah, I'm...shit," Meredith said as she tripped over her heels. Stupid heels. "Surgery. Big important emergency surgery and I...sorry." "Are you okay?" Lexie frowned. "Yep," Meredith nodded as she tried to straighten her skirt with her shaking hands. "Great. Really great. Surgery high. Big surgery...high. And it was...amazing." "What was the surgery?" Lexie asked, letting her into the house. "Clot evacuation," Meredith said after a second. That had been the surgery, right? Yes. It made sense. Clot evacuation. That had to be it. "Oh," Lexie nodded. "Mer, you're shaking." "Yeah," Meredith nodded, running her fingers through her hair, which was what he did. So she had to stop. And making her look even...bigger was probably not a good idea. "Surgery high. It happens. You know...surgeries...adrenaline...coming...coming down. From the surgery high." "From a clot evacuation?" "Yeah." That had been the surgery, right? There had been a clot...the guy was having seizures, Derek had given her that look from behind the funny looking glasses that he somehow managed to make look good and...clot evacuation. "I'm always like this after surgery. It's the adrenaline. I'm just coming...I mean, coming down." "You shake like this after every surgery?" Lexie asked. "Um...yes." "What about the sex hair?" "What?" "I've seen your hair right after you take a scurb cap off...it's not like that. That is sex hair." "I used Izzie's shampoo...I think...body or something," Meredith stammered. Lame. Lame excuse. Derek would laugh his ass off. She was going to kill him. Fuck him one more time and then kill him. "If Izzie has a body shampoo that works that well I need the name," Lexie smirked. "I wouldn't mind having sex hair." "I'll um...ask her." "Are you sure it wasn't a neurosurgeon?" "What?" Meredith gasped. "No. Definitely not. Not sleeping with neurosurgeons in scrub rooms. Why would I sleep with neurosurgeons in scrub rooms? Or roofs or tunnels or...god I have to shut up." "Scrub rooms? Roofs? Tunnels?" "Fight club." "Figh...Mom, Mer and I are going for a walk, we'll be back before supper!" Lexie suddenly yelled. "What...no...why?" Meredith stammered as Lexie pulled her out of the house. "I'm joining fight club," Lexie shrugged. "You can't. You definitely can't join Fight Club. It's not joinable." "Actually it is, I just have to beat you up or something and you have to let me in." "This is not that kind of Fight Club, Lex," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And I could so take you." "Mer...why are you having sex all over the hospital with one of the top neurosurgeons in the country?" "I didn't say that." "Yeah, you did." "Crap," Meredith groaned. "Well, fine. He gets to tell Sloan. I get a person to tell." "Tell what?" "Derek and I...we're...having sex all over the hospital." "I knew it," Lexie grinned. "So you're together?" "No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "We are not together." "What?" "We're not together." "I heard that," Lexie sighed. "But...you're having sex all over the hospital. What are you if you're not together?" "We're...having sex all over the hospital," Meredith shrugged. "But...I'm confused," Lexie frowned. "It's not confusing," Meredith shook her head. "It's...we're not together. We have sex. And he goes home and I go home and then do it all over again the next day." "But I thought he didn't do sex only...because of his daughter." "Yeah..." Meredith sighed. "Apparently he's...I don't know. He's taking whatever he can get." "Oh...that's kind of sweet," Lexie sighed. "It really isn't. I...I hate that he's doing this." "Why?" "Because he...he's acting like it's not a big deal, but it is. He wants more and I can't give him more and he deserves more." "Why can't you give him more? You obviously care about him." "Which is exactly why I can't give him more." "Because you care about him?" "And Hannah. Mostly Hannah." "You can't get involved with him because you care about him and Hannah?" "Yes." "You do realize that makes no sense, right?" "It makes complete sense," Meredith groaned. "If I fuck it up, I don't only hurt him. I hurt Hannah. And I'm not doing that." "Why do you think you'd fuck it up?" "Oh, come on, Lexie. I'm the poster child for being crap at relationships." "You've never even had a relationship." "Exactly." "But that doesn't mean you can't make it work. Derek obviously really wants to be with you if he's willing to settle for this." "I know," Meredith sighed. "And I have no idea why. I can't...I don't do relationships. And I'm not taking chances and hurting Hannah." "But what if you didn't hurt Hannah?" "I would." "How could you possibly know that?" "Because I'm me, Lex." "And you're a bad horrible person?" "I have no idea how to do the relationship thing. It's not like I had the world's healthiest role models. And I'm...dark and twisty or whatever." "You're not as dark and twisty as you want to think you are." "Lexie, I don't do relationships. I can't do relationships. And I'm not going to try for the first time when there's a five year old whose mom left her." "Have you talked to him about this?" "He knows." "And what did he have to say?" "He understands. He gets it." "That's good, Mer. It's good he gets it." "Yeah, it is," Meredith sighed. "I just...he thinks it's going to change or something." "And it's not?" "I don't think so." "But you like him." "Yeah." "Excuse me while I'm a little lost here." "It doesn't matter," Meredith sighed. "The sex thing works for me. It totally works and he's...he's amazing." "But don't you think you deserve more than some quick rounds in the hospital?" "I'm good with this. Sex works. Casual sex works." "What about a year from now?" "If he still wants it..." "You're willing to sleep casually with him forever?" "I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "He's basically amazing and...I don't do the relationship thing. So it's not going to happen." "Why not even give it a try?" Lexie asked. "Because I'm not going to hurt a five year old in the process," Meredith sighed. "I'm not...it sucks when you get used to people when you're five and suddenly they're gone. That sucks. I'm not going to do it." "Oh...Mer..." Lexie whispered. "What?" "Just...you can't let what Dad did mess up the rest of your life." "This is not a Thatcher Grey thing." "Of course not." "It's not, Lexie. Thatcher left me. Whatever. I'm not letting it dictate my life." "Yes you are," Lexie sighed. "At least partially. And you're mom. You have to let go of all that and give Derek a chance." "You don't get it, Lexie," Meredith sighed. "I know what it's like. I'm not hurting Hannah just to give Derek a chance. And relationships...it doesn't matter." "Relationships work sometimes." "Not in my world they don't." "Meredith...this isn't fair to anyone." "It's less fair if I fuck it up." "And you might not." "I'm not taking the chance, Lexie. I'm not. I won't be...she's five. She deserves better than that. And so does he." "What do you deserve?" "What?" "What do you deserve? You keep talking about Derek and Hannah...what about you?" "I'm good with this." "You think all you deserve is a quick fuck in an on call room?" "It's many quick fucks." "And that's all you want out of life?" "I want to be a doctor. And...I don't know. I'm not looking...there's no such thing as the happily ever after part." "You really think that?" "Yes." "That's heartbreaking." "Seriously?" Meredith turned to her. "That's exactly what he said." "Well it is," Lexie shrugged. "You're both stupid cheesy." "Because we want you to be happy?" "I'm happy." "You could be happier." "And you think fucking up a relationship with Derek is going to make me happier?" "No, I think making a relationship with Derek work is going to make you happier." "Lexie, it really doesn't matter. I'm good with the sex thing. I'm great with the sex thing. Orgasms. Orgasms make me happy." "You're not really happy." "Now you're telling me if I'm happy or not?" "Mer...I'm just...you're my sister, I love you...I want the best for you." "I get that. But...I know what's good for me. And sex...orgasms...I'm good. I'm fine." "You're not fine." "Lexie..." "I just think Derek would be good for you. I've never seen you like this over a guy." "Okay a, I'm not like anything over Derek and b, it's not like you've been around forever. It's only been a year." "I know...but really...is this all you really want?" "This is all I can do." "Oh Mer," Lexie sighed, throwing an arm around her. "We're hugging." "We're hugging," Lexie nodded. "I'm fine, Lexie.' "Sure you are," Lexie sighed. "I hate what Dad did to you." "Yeah, well, lucky you, you got the good side of him." "I know," Lexie nodded, squeezing her a little tighter. "And you know, life was much easier when I was an only child. No offense or anything." "Yeah, I know," Lexie laughed. "You love me." "Sadly." "You'll see how you feel about that after you eat supper," Lexie smiled. "It better be amazing," Meredith giggled. "It definitely is," Lexie nodded. "Good," Meredith sighed. "And do you think...I mean...your mom won't know why I'm late right?" "She'll have no idea...we'll go with the surgery excuse." "Good. How bad is my hair?" "Not too bad," Lexie nodded. "He likes my hair," Meredith rolled her eyes. "That's cute, Mer," Lexie grinned. "No, it's not cute. It's not cute when I have sex hair all the freakin' time." "How much sex do you actually have?" "Um...a lot." "A lot?" "A few times a day." "Seriously?" "Seriously." "That's just...wow." "I know," Meredith sighed. "He's...and I'm...yeah." "I'm not about to tell you stop, Mer," Lexie sighed. "Just...don't be afraid to fall for him." "Yeah," Meredith murmured. "He might just be worth it." "Cheesy, Lexie." "Yeah yeah." "So you're done joining fight club? We can go eat now?" "We can go eat," Lexie nodded. "Good, I'm starving," Meredith giggled as they turned back towards the house. "So am I," Lexie smiled. "Think about what I said, Mer." "I will," Meredith nodded, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. She got what Lexie was saying, she really did. But Lexie was like Derek. Lexie believed in things, she wanted things. Just like Derek. And she understood why Lexie had said them, she got it. But this was easier. The sex thing was much easier. And much nicer. There was no way she could fuck up sex. They were enjoying this. Sometime Derek would look at her, usually after the sex when they were getting back into their clothes, in a way that made her heart ache. Not because she wanted more, she couldn't have more but because Derek wanted more. But really, he was okay. He smiled and laughed a lot. He didn't seem to mind so much that it was sex only. He seemed okay with this. And as long as he was okay, she was okay. Because she didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want this to turn into something that made him miserable. He didn't deserve to be miserable. He deserved to be happy and get whatever he wanted. So until he was miserable, until he wasn't okay with this anymore, this worked. They would be fine. This would be fine. She just hoped he was really okay. There's never gonna be a moment of truth for you while the world is watching Disclaimer: Grey's was awesome last night. Entirely perfectly awesome. We both loved it. It was like Season 1 Grey's...but with Markie which is so much better. Of course we can't clairm credit for that brilliance. Just saying...it was brilliant. He didn't want to wake up. He had hit the button on the alarm minutes before and he knew he should probably be getting up. But he didn't want to. He needed ten more minutes, just ten more minutes before getting up and getting on with the day. He was exhausted and he didn't want to move. Of course if he didn't his daughter would climb in and wake him up anyway. It was days like these when he wondered why he had ever thought becoming a surgeon would be a good idea. Saturday mornings when Hannah liked to crawl into bed with him, laughing and giggling as she begged for pancakes and Saturday morning cartoons. He couldn't remember the last time he had had a Saturday off. And now he just wanted to sleep. Maybe Hannah would sleep in. Okay, that was definitely hopeful thinking but eventually she had to hit the stage where she realized sleeping past seven oclock in the morning wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Actually it was an amazing thing. Or it was from what he could remember. There wasn't actually any sleeping in in recent memory but eventually he'd get a break. He heard the door gently open, apparently today was not that day. He closed his eyes tighter, hoping she'd be at least remotely quiet, at least giggle quietly. Usually she was running to the bed, jumping and laughing and bouncing while she yelled at the top of her lungs. Five year olds were insane. Completely insane. Except now his usually five year old daughter was walking very quietly towards his bed, barely making a noise as she crawled under the covers. She always jumped into his bed, yelling at the top of her lungs for him to take up and make her pancakes or waffles or french toast and sometimes all three. And always loudly. He had never actually figured out how Hannah managed to be louder at night than any other time during the day. But today she was quieter than she ever was, as she curled up into his chest, her tiny fingers fisting his tshirt. He wrapped his arms around her, immediately worried as her curls tickled his chin, the smell of Johnson's Baby Shampoo wafting into his nostrils as she nuzzled him, still not saying a word. For a moment, worry shot through him. The last time she had been this quiet she had had a bad case of the flu, and she had spent all day whimpering in the bathroom as he brought her temp down, fighting the urge to rush her to the hospital. She didn't feel warm and she wasn't shivering like she was cold. There was no sweaty claminess or anything like that. She felt fine actually. Except for the world's bounciest most cheerful little girl was entirely too quiet as she curled closer to his chest. Entirely too quiet. Something had to be wrong. This little girl was not his daughter. "Hannah?" he whispered, running his hand through her curls. "Daddy," she murmured, cuddling closer to him. "Are you feeling okay, Banana?" he asked. "Daddy," she sighed, her fingers tightening on his shirt. "What's wrong, Hannah?" "Not sick," she whispered. "Good, that's good," he nodded, relief washing over him briefly. "So...what's bothering you?" She was quiet for a second and he felt her shoulders shake slightly before she moved to look at him, tears in her eyes. "How come I don't got a mommy?" "Oh Hannah," he breathed, shifting to wipe a tear off her cheek. "You...you've never asked before." "Katelyn's got a mommy and Michael's got a mommy and Jenny's got two mommys. I don't got a mommy." "I know," Derek sighed, pulling her tighter into his arms. "I was going to wait till you were older to talk to you about this, but we can talk now." "Did she go to heaven like Sam's mommy?" "No, honey," Derek shook his head. "She's alive." "Then I do got a mommy." "You do," Derek nodded. "She's just...not a part of our lives." "Jenny's mommy and daddy got a divorce and her daddy brought her a new mommy." "Mommy and I didn't get divorced, we weren't married. We were just...friends." "And you're not friends no more?" "We're not friends anymore," Derek nodded. "We were...friends for a few months and then she got pregnant with you." "What's pregnant?" "It means she was going to have a baby. She was going to have you." "And she was real 'cited right? You and Mommy were real 'cited to have me." "I was more excited than I've ever been for anything ever," Derek grinned. "But your mommy was....she wasn't as excited." "Why not?" Hannah frowned, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Didn't she like me?" "She did," Derek whispered, wiping a tear off her cheek. "Just...you know how you really want to be a ballerina but your cousin Haley really wants to be a teacher?" "Yeah." "Your mommy didn't really want to be a mommy," Derek sighed. "She was...she wanted to be a doctor really badly. It was her biggest dream and she wasn't...she didn't want to be a mommy. Not because she didn't like you though." "But she went away. Was I real bad?" "Of course not, Hannah. Your mommy went away right after you were born, she never knew you." "Why didn't she stay?" "She just...she didn't want to be a mommy. She loved you very much but she...she didn't want the whole mommy thing. And she knew I wanted to be a daddy more than anything." "More than being a doctor?" "Definitely more than being a doctor," Derek grinned. "I wanted to be your daddy so badly." "Cause I was the bestest?" "Cause you were the bestest. And I love you so much that I love you as much as a Mommy and a Daddy can combined." "Didn't Mommy know I was the bestest?" "She did know you were the bestest," Derek nodded. "Then how come she didn't stay, Daddy? I'm the bestest." "I know you are," Derek sighed. "And she didn't stay because...she thought it might be better for you if I raised you." "Why? Was she a real bad mommy?" "No," Derek shook his head. "She just didn't know how to be a mommy." "But she's a mommy. Mommys are mommys." "I know that. Just...she didn't want to be a mommy, Hannah." "I don't like Mommy." "You don't have to," Derek shook his head. "But she did love you a lot." "Mommys don't leave." "I know that," Derek nodded. "But you're good with just me, right?" "I don't know, Daddy," Hannah whispered after a second. "Teacher asked everyone what we did with Mommy and Daddy for Christmas and everyone bakes cookies with their mommys and their mommys go shopping for them and buy presents for their daddies. But my mommy didn't want me no more." "Oh honey," Derek breathed, squeezing her tightly. "But I want you. I want you so much. And so does Uncle Monkey and Grandma and your aunts and uncles and everyone at the hospital. That is so much better than a mommy." "Really?" "Really," Derek nodded firmly. "You're not only the bestest but you're the most wanted little girl ever." "Oh," she smiled slightly, curling her fingers tightly around his shirt. "I want you so much, Hannah Banana. I couldn't imagine my life without you." "I know, Daddy," she whispered. "I'm sorry you don't have a mommy," Derek murmured. "Was she pwetty, Daddy?" "She was pretty," Derek nodded. "Not as pretty as you though." "I'm the pwettiest." "You are the prettiest." "So Mommy's a doctor like you?" "She is," Derek nodded. "I don't know where though." "Does she do hemistomies?" "Nope," Derek shook his head. "She works with hearts." "Does she wanna see me?" "I don't know, Han," Derek sighed. "She might but I don't know." "Didja tell her I'm the pwettiest and the bestest balleina ever?" "I haven't talked to her since she had you." "How come?" "Because we decided to just...go our seperate ways. Me with you and Mommy on her own." "And she's not coming back ever?" "She's not coming back," Derek shook his head. "But when you're a little older I'll help you find her if you want." "I don't wanna find her," Hannah shook her head, her curls tickling his chin. "Okay," Derek nodded. "That's okay." "Okay," Hannah sighed, nuzzling into his chest. "Are you okay, Han?" he asked quietly. "Yeah," she said just as quietly. "Are you sure?" he whispered. "It's okay if you're not." "I don't know. Everyone gots a mommy and everyone else's mommy wants 'em." "I know," Derek nodded. "But everyone has different kind of families. Some people don't have mommies, some don't have daddies...some kids don't have either." "Cause their mommies and daddies didn't want 'em?" "Not always...sometimes because they just don't know how to be parents." "But my mommy didn't want me. If I was even bester than the bestest, would she come back, Daddy?" "No she wouldn't, hun," Derek murmured. "Oh.� "I grew up without a daddy," Derek pointed out. "He went to heaven....but still...I didn't have a dad." "Did it make you real sad?" "A little," Derek nodded. "But Grandma was a really good mommy." "And you're a real good daddy," Hannah grinned widely. "Thank you," Derek smiled. "The bestest daddy ever." "You're the bestest daughter ever," Derek grinned. "I guess." "You are," Derek nodded. "You know...Meredith grew up without a daddy." "Really? Did her daddy go to heaven?" "Nope," Derek shook his head. "Her daddy left when she was really little." "Cause he didn't want her?" "Yeah," Derek nodded, frowning slightly. "Like my mommy." "Just like your mommy," Derek nodded. "Stupid mommies and daddies." "Very stupid. Meredith's daddy missed ever knowing Meredith and now your Mommy is missing out on you. They're the ones that lost." "Did Mereith's daddy come back?" "Nope," Derek shook his head. "Meredith went to find him but he was in heaven." "Oh." "But she never knew him." "Just like me," Hannah sighed. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "What do I tell teacher when I go to school? She's gonna wanna know bout my mommy." "You can tell her you don't have one," Derek nodded. "Lots of kids don't. And when you make something for a mommy you can just make it for grandma or one of your aunts." "Okay," Hannah nodded. "Who's gonna take me to get your Christmas present, Daddy?" "Uncle Monkey can, or anyone you want." "Okay," she sighed, kissing his cheek. "Love you, Daddy." "I love you too," he grinned. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "Can we have pancakes and waffles?" "Of course we can," Derek smiled. "And watch Scooby?" "We can do that." "Do you gotta be a doctor, Daddy?" "Nope, I have today off," he lied easily. He didn't, he was supposed to be in in a few hours. But he would call Webber and explain the situation. Hannah obviously needed him home today. "Good," she grinned. "Scooby time." "Scooby time," Derek nodded. "While I make us breakfast." "Pancakes and waffles and chocolate milk." "Sounds yummy," Derek smiled. "I love you, Han." "Love you too, Daddy," she mirrored his smile, throwing her arms around his neck and squeezing tightly. "If you want to talk anymore I'm here," he mumured, squeezing her back tightly. "Okay," she nodded, her arms staying looped around his neck. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "You're always gonna want me, right?" "Always always always." "I'll always want you too, Daddy." "Good," Derek whispered, kissing her cheek. "Even when you're real scratchy," she giggled, her arms tightening around his neck even more as she nuzzled his neck. "Well that's good," he laughed. "Yep," she nodded. "Come on, let's go get breakfast," he smiled. "Pancakes and waffles, Daddy," she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder as he held her close. "Pancakes and waffles," Derek nodded. "Yep, and Scooby," she smiled as he stood up, shifting her to his hip as she clutched him tightly. "And Scooby," Derek grinned.


YOU PICKED ME - Part 1 · GA FAN FICS