Viewing Single Post From: I DO

Viewing Single Post From: I DO - Part 2
oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 01:39 PM
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He was officially ready to go home. He had been cutting for the last five hours and hadn't even seen Meredith. At this point he was supposed to be in bed, completely naked, and with her. Instead he was here and no where near her. He didn't even know where she was. Last message she had sent had said still in the pit but that had been hours ago. This was wrong. He probably wasn't supposed to be pissed at the people in a car accident, but he was. He still wasn't entirely sure what the final count was, he only knew it had been a seven car pile up, involving a semi and a tipped RV that had ended up catching fire. And he was pissed. Because this was supposed to be his night with his beautiful girlfriend, not his night in the OR. He wondered if by some miracle there was no more brain injuries looking for his attention and no more...well anything for Meredith. He'd have to check on his patient but at least he'd have a few hours to steal with her instead of nothing. This nothing sucked. He hadn't actually remembered another time he had actively hated his job in the way he was right now. "Hey," he suddenly heard her voice as she came up behind her, changed out of the amazing black dress and heels into scrubs and her tennis shoes. "Hey," he sighed happily. "You ordered me flowers," she smiled. "You got them?" he grinned. "I did," she nodded, hugging him quickly. "When did you do that?" "Right after we got pulled apart," he shrugged. "Thank you," she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "You're welcome," he murmured, squeezing her tightly for a second. "Are they nice?" "They're...flowers," she giggled. "That's my girl," he laughed. "But yeah," she shrugged. "I guess they're nice. For flowers. So um...thank you." "I had to do something." "I didn't...your present is at home," she sighed dramatically. "I have a present?" he grinned. "Yeah," Meredith nodded. "According to Lexie, you have to get people presents for anniversaries." "Yours is at home too." "Good," she nodded and then frowned. "This is crazy. Completely crazy. Seven cars, a semi, and an RV." "It's insane," he agreed. "And it had to happen tonight. I'm angry at them. That has got to be the wrong emotion." "You can't be mad at six dead people and a lot of injured people." 'I know," he sighed. "I'm a horrible person." "It is stupid that it had to happen tonight." "Thank you for making me feel a little better," he grinned. "You're welcome," she giggled. "Now we can go to hell together." "Perfect," he laughed, kissing her quickly. "It would have been so lonely without you." "That's probably the point of hell," she shook her head, leaning into him. "But it wouldn't be if I had you there," he breathed. "You're a little lame, Derek," she whispered, putting her head on his chest. "I'm allowed to be. We're supposed to be naked and celebrating right now...lame works." "We are definitely supposed to be naked," she groaned. "Lots of naked and lots of dirty loud sex." "I know," he sighed. "I even got rid of the kid." "You love the kid," she giggled and then sighed. "Why did we want to be doctors?" "We like torture and sexless nights?" "I think it was more about the whole saving lives thing," Meredith groaned as her pager went off. "I should have been a kindergarten teacher." "You'd be a cute kindergarten teacher." "You really are on a cheesiness roll," she giggled as she wrapped her arms around him. "I don't want to go." "I don't want you to go either," he murmured, holding her tightly. "You're my boss, tell them to go away," she whispered just as his pager went off. "Or maybe not." "I hate my job," he groaned. "I hate our jobs too," she shook her head, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him quickly. "I'll see you later, Der." "See you, Mer," he whispered. She turned and ran off as her pager went off again, leaving him turning to go in the opposite direction. He really and truly hated his job. Because today was supposed to be perfect, today was supposed to end with sex and nakedness and champagne. Instead, he was at the hospital, getting only small glimpses of his amazing girlfriend and being forced to send her flowers. This had to end eventually. The accident had been big but it hadn't been that big and he would manage to get her alone for more than a five minute meet and greet. He had to find a way to manage that because not seeing his girlfriend on their one year anniversary seemed wrong. They should have booked the weekend off and gone far away where something like this couldn't happen. Next year, that's what he would do. He would book a weekend in wine country or something and take her as far away as humanly possible from the hospital. There would be a moratorium on their pagers and they would just be naked in wine country. The idea was entirely too appealing right now and he seriously considered calling a travel agent now to book it, to somehow make up for this terrible anniversary. He had to do something to make this up to her. He was supposed to be the one teaching her how this relationship thing worked, showing her the ins and outs, really romancing her. And after everything the woman had been through, she deserved the best. This was not the best. This wasn't the worst, it was some strange mix in between being entirely happy it was a year, and entirely pissed off that they were stuck here. He'd find someway to make this up to her. But for now, flowers would have to do. Hurried glimpses would have to do. It wasn't at all what he wanted, and it wasn't what she deserved, but for now, it would have to work. At least until he had time to do something other than be pissed about the accident and crave her body against his. She was exhausted. She was exhausted and all too soon she had to do this again. She was supposed to be sleeping right now, she had three hours before her shift started and she was supposed to be at home, entirely curled up in Derek's arms and fast asleep. And naked because they were supposed to spend the night having sex. Well whatever was left of the night after his plans. She wasn't supposed to be here. She loved being a doctor. There wasn't much in the world that was better than being a doctor. Except sex. Sex and lying naked in bed with Derek. And a night with Derek, just them. Those things were definitely better than being a doctor. Especially since right now, she hated being a doctor. And she actually was getting the feeling she wasn't forming coherent thoughts at this point. It was down now. The emergency was done. Technically they could go home. Except for home was about half an hour away. Which made for about an hour of driving. And then getting upstairs and getting to sleep and then having to wake up earlier to make sure they go there on time. Home was a stupid idea and it meant actually less sleep. So she'd have to find some kind of on call room and collapse. Collapsing would feel good right now. She could barely move, and she was pretty sure she never wanted to move again. She had been working non stop for almost thirty hours at this point. Collapsing was the only thing that really worked at this point. Seeing Derek would be nice too, but she wasn't pressing her luck. She sighed as she made her way into a nearby on call room, slipping off her shoes and falling onto the bed. "Mer?" a voice caused her to open her eyes again. She had no idea how long they had even been closed. It could have been an hour but it felt more like minutes. She hoped it was minutes, minutes would give her more time to sleep. "Hmmm?" she groaned, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders. "It's me," the voice murmured, closing the door to make the room dark again. She heard shuffling as the voice took off shoes and then weight shifted on the bed. She took a deep breath, smiling slightly when she felt his arms go around her. "Der," she breathed. "Yeah," he whispered, pressing his lips to her neck. "I found you." "You found me," she nodded, rolling over to rest on top of him, her cheek resting against his beating heart. "Finally," he sighed, holding her tight to him. "Finally," she echoed as she let out a breath, her arms moving under him to massage his lower back. "This sucked," he groaned. "It completely sucked." "It really, really did," she murmured. "Sorry." "For?" "Our destroyed night." "Not your fault," she shook her head lazily. "Still sorry," he sighed. "I now owe you an amazing night." "It's fine, Derek," she whispered. "Amazing nights are fun but...sleep. That's all I want right now." "Can do," he murmured. "Happy anniversary, Mer." "Happy anniversary, Derek," she breathed, her eyes falling shut again as his grasp tightened around her. "I love you." "I love you too." He squeezed her tightly one more time before his body relaxed against hers. She didn't have to move to know that his eyes had fallen shut. Tonight had sucked, it had been a very sucky night. But this was good. It wasn't their bed, it wasn't their home but it was something. She was curled up against his chest, exhausted and finally able to fall asleep how she wanted. And if all the world was smiling I would only ever want to see your frown You know they can sail away in sunsets We'll be right here stranded on the ground Just happy to be found Disclaimer: We've been planning this update for a while now. And we love this update, we're excited for this update. We really are. And if we owned the show we'd make things like this happen, because they'd be steady enough to have things like this happen. Of course, we don't own the show. "Meredith! Meredith!" Derek's voice called down the hallyway behind her as she walked toward the elevators. She didn't want to turn around to look at him. Not that she didn't love looking at her boyfriend. But she knew what time it was. Derek was done for the day so he'd be wearing normal clothes. And it would just be a nice annoying reminder that she was still stuck here. "Hey," she sighed, stopping and turning to look at him, biting back a groan. Apparently not only was a it an annoying reminder that she was stuck here, seeing Derek was an annoying reminder that she wanted to have sex with him. "Well you look happy to see me," he smirked, before ducking his head down and kissing her quickly. "Sorry," she sighed against his lips. "Long day." "Sorry you're still stuck here," he sighed, running a hand through her hair. "For another two hours," she groaned. "Which wouldn't be bad if I hadn't been working since five yesterday." "You'll make it," he smiled encouragingly. "And when we get Hannah to bed tonight I'll give you a back rub." "And that's why I keep you around," she giggled, leaning into him. "Of course it is," he laughed. "Don't forget we have Hannah's thing tonight." "Oh yeah," she nodded. "Parent watch day." "You're meeting us there, right?" "Yeah," she nodded again. "I may be a couple minutes late but...I'll meet you there." "Late happens," he sighed, kissing her again quickly. "I hate going home without you." "I know," she whispered. "I hate it too." "I'd steal you if I could get away with it." "That would be interesting," she giggled. "Bailey would have my head," he laughed. "Which would be very, very bad." "It would be," he sighed. "Two more hours," Meredith sighed. "And then I can go. With a huge cup of coffee." "That tired?" "I'd kill for a bed." "Two hours, Mer. And then an hour at Hannah's dance class and we'll get you home to all the bed you want." "Good," she breathed. "And then I'm sleeping for as long as humanly possible." "So till six tomorrow morning?" "Longer would be better," she groaned. "You picked the wrong proffesion, Mer." "Which we've discussed a million times." "We have," he nodded. "Don't have too much fun without me." "I'll try," she rolled her eyes. "Just interns today." "Fun," he rolled his eyes, before kissing her again. "I'll see you in a bit." "Bye, Der," she murmured against his lips, squeezing him tightly. "Love you," he whispered. "Love you too," she replied, kissing him again. "See you in a couple of hours." "See you," he nodded, before walking away. Meredith sighed as she watched her boyfriend walk away, suddenly dying to run after him and leave with him. He looked well-rested, he looked amazing, he looked like he would be able to pull her into his arms and let her just...sleep. She was entirely exhausted. But two hours. She could do two hours. Well, three hours. But she could do this. ********************************************************************************************************* She had somehow done it. It had been two hours and she was finally going home. Her body ached and her eyes were fighting to close but she just had to ignore that feeling as she wasn't going home quite yet. She could ignore the exhaustion for two more hours and then get home with Derek and fall asleep in his arms. Which right now sounded like the most tempting thing in the world. She would just grab a cup of coffee to try to keep her awake for the drive and then she'd be able to survive the next hour or so watching Hannah at ballet. She was exhausted, but she was going to make it. Even if all she wanted to do was go home and just sleep, she would find a way to enjoy watching the little girl in her leotard jumping around. And she'd even find a way to enjoy the inevitable rambling that would come afterwards. She just would concentrate on the getting home afterward bit, and curling up to Derek and letting the rest of the world dissapear from around her. She'd just think about that and the next hour or so would zoom by. Zooming was good. Zooming actually seemed like the last possible thing to do. She was so tired she kind of felt like anything near zooming was impossible. "Dr. Grey," Dr. Hahn called her just in front of the locker room. "Oh...Dr. Hahn," Meredith greeted her, trying to smile. "I have a humpty dumpty procedure," Dr. Hahn stated. "Dr. Stevens was supposed to scrub in, but has apparently found better things to do around this hospital. I thought you might be interested." "Oh umm...I," Meredith murmured. She was exhausted. And she had a ballet practice to get to. "I understand you have more of an interest in neuro," Dr. Hahn smiled slightly. "But this is a very cool surgery, Dr. Grey. And not one you're likely to see again anytime soon." "Yes, I know...it's just..." Meredith sighed. A humpty dumpty was kind of a big deal, a huge deal. She had been at this hospital for nearly two years and this was the first one that had even come in. It was kind of entirely rare. And Derek would understand that. "Dr. Grey? I'm not going to stand here all day waiting for you to think about this." "Sorry," Meredith nodded. "I...plans but I can...definitely. Humpty dumpty...definitely." "I'm going to assume that was a yes," Dr. Hahn sighed. "Get one of your interns to prep him for surgery and then scrub in." She handed Meredith the chart and then walked away quickly. Meredith smiled at the chart, suddenly feeling a lot less tired. A humpty dumpty wasn't anything she'd thought she would ever see, it was pretty amazing. And Derek would get it. He'd get the once in a lifetime surgery. Hannah would get it too. It was just a practice, she could go next week. And this would be amazing. This would probably be one of the coolest surgeries she'd see. She paged one of her interns to the patient's room and then flipped open her phone, quickly dialing Derek's number. It went straight to voicemail and she sighed as she clipped it back to the waistband of her pants. He would get it. He would entirely get it. He'd probably even be jealous and want to hear all about it. She defintiely wasn't tired anymore. Surgery was enough of to keep her awake *********************************************************************************************************** Now she was exhausted. Exhausted and on one of the biggest surgery highs of her life. That had been amazing, entirely amazing and feeling a little breathless. She didn't even like cardio stuff, she hated cardio usually but that had been something else. She was ready to collapse and she couldn't help but smile. She couldn't wait till she got home to tell Derek all about it. It had just been an amazing surgery. A seriously cool surgery that was just...she couldn't actually believe she had scrubbed into that surgery. Couldn't believe she had actually been in that OR for that seriously amazing surgery. It made everything worth it. The exhaustion, the serious need for coffee...entirely worth it. And now she would have bragging rights for a few days at least. She groaned silently as she glanced at her phone and noticed a lot of missed calls. That was probably a bad thing and he was probably less than happy. But that was okay. She'd get home and tell him about it, she'd tell him about the amazing surgery and he'd forget about all the missed calls and everything. He'd be thrilled for her. She just had to get home first. She grabbed the biggest cup of coffee possible at the coffee cart before heading out to her car, the exhaustion suddenly hitting her hard. She had voicemails. Voicemails of him probably wondering what the hell was going on. But those would have to wait. Those would definitely have to wait until she was home safe. Because there was no way she could operate a car and listen to voicemails right now. The drive home was fast, or at least it felt fast. Or maybe just basically a blur. It had kind of just zipped by and it probably had a lot to do with her head not being able to concentrate. She just wanted to get home and collapse into his arms and then suddenly she was home. And her whole entire body was sagging with relief of the thought of her bed. "Meredith?" Derek's voice greeted her the second she walked in. "Hey," she sighed, dropping her keys on the table and leaning against the wall, struggling to kick off her shoes. "Where the hell have you been?" Okay, that was definitely Derek's pissed voice. He didn't use it often, but that was definitely his pissed voice. "I tried to call," she sighed. "Your phone went to voicemail which was probably because you turned it off at Hannah's thing. Which actually makes a lot of sense, you'd definitely want your phone off while you're watching kids dance, it would probably be rude if you didn't." "Mer...not answering my question," he groaned. "You...you didn't answer your phone. It's been hours and you weren't answering. I thought...I didn't know what to think, I was terrified. Where have you been?" "I was at the hospital," she smiled. "You were...why? Did one of your patients need surgery?" "No," she shook her head, kissing him quickly on the cheek. "You are looking at the resident who scrubbed in on a humpty dumpty procedure with Dr. Hahn." "You...� he frowned. "Mer, you hate cardio." "Usually," she nodded. "Usually I hate cardio. But I'm pretty sure a humpty dumpty procedure is the world's coolest surgery." "I see," he nodded slowly. "What about Hannah?" "What?" she frowned. "You already had a committment." "I know I did," she sighed. "And I'm sorry. I'll go watch her next weekend. But, Derek, it was a humpty dumpty procedure. It's...it's kind of a big deal." "And you being there for Hannah was a big deal." "Der, it was a practice. And I know she wanted me there and honestly...I mean, I can go watch her practice and it was a humpty dumpty surgery and it makes me really really cool that I've scrubbed in on one." "Well that's wonderful, Mer. I'm glad being really cool is more important than being there for Hannah." "I didn't say that," Meredith frowned. "I didn't...Der, once in a lifetime surgery. It's not like I missed it for an appy." "The point is you missed it," he snapped. "Did you even think about her? Or did you just think about the stupid surgery." "Of course I thought about her," she sighed. "I did. I just...Dr. Hahn needed an answer and it was a once in a lifetime...have you ever even seen a humpty dumpty in person?" "No, Mer, I haven't. And quite frankly, I don't care." "Okay, you don't care because you're a neurosurgeon. But it really is...I mean, it's amazing. It's completely amazing and life changing and...it's a really cool surgery, Der." "I know it's a cool surgery," he groaned. "And me not caring...I don't care because I care more about the fact that my daughter kept running over to ask me where Meredith was. And that I sat there alone, terrified that you were off somewhere bleeding on the side of the road. That's what I care about." "Oh," Meredith sighed, biting her lower lip. "Der...I'm sorry." "Mer...I get the cool surgery, I do. I know what it feels like. But you promised Hannah you'd be there." "I know I did," she nodded. "Where is she? I'll go explain." "She's upstairs playing," he sighed. "And I don't think she wants to see you right now." "What? Why?" "Why? Seriously...you're asking why? Mer, you know how she is. She's pissed off at you, and she's worried that you don't love her anymore." "That's...that's ridiculous," Meredith shook her head. "I just...there was a surgery. And I can watch her next weekend." "You didn't promise to watch her next weekend, you promised to watch her today. You don't get to do that to my daughter." "Derek, I said I'm sorry," Meredith groaned, moving upstairs. "And I'll apologize to her and take her out for ice cream tomorrow after work." "No, Meredith," Derek shook his head. "You're not done talking to me." "I�m not?" "No," he shook his head. "Hannah isn't the only one pissed off." "Derek, you know how it is." "No, I don't." he shook his head. "If it had been your patient, yeah, I get that...emergencies happen. This wasn't an emergency, this was you making bad choices." "Bad choices?" she frowned, pausing on the steps. "Derek, once in a lifetime surgery. It was...I thought about saying no, I really did. But it really was one of those surgeries...and I'm still learning. I still have to watch other surgeries and do other surgeries." "I know that, Mer. You have shifts for that. You don't get to blow off your family for a surgery." "I didn't blow anyone off." "Really? Because I'm pretty sure I sat there for an hour wondering where you were, terrified you were dead." "Okay, I'm sorry about that," she sighed. "If it happens again, I'll leave a message." "If it happens again? You're planning on putting a surgery in front of your family again?" "Not for anything big," she shook her head. "But it was a practice. I go to her practices all the time." "It wasn't just practice, Mer. It was family day, she wanted her family there. Did you not even think how big that was to her?" "I..." Meredith bit her lip. "Okay, I didn't realize...and...okay, it won't happen again." "It better not," he shook his head. "I've spent the last six years making sure that she comes first. You're part of this now, you don't get to put her second." "I'm not putting her second." "Really? You don't think this made it feel like she was second?" "I...that wasn't what I was trying to do. It was just...it was a surgery. A really cool surgery and I figured I could go watch next weekend and she's not second." "A really cool surgery," Derek shook his head. "Exactly how did it feel when your mom didn't show up because of a really cool surgery?" "What?" her head snapped up. "This is the kind of shit your mom pulled. How did it make you feel?" "No," she shook her head. "No. You don't get to bring my mom to me. You have no idea...no." "I have no idea? What don't have an idea about? How hard it is to be a single parent and a surgeon? How hard it is to sacrifice some things? To know how badly she fucked up?" "Don't you..." Meredith sighed, gripping the banister. "You don't get it, Derek. You don't...my mom...no. You don't get to bring her up to me. And you don't get to compare her to me." "Right now...I do. You're not like her, Mer. You're...but this...why?" "No, you don't," she shook her head, stepping off the steps. "You don't get to compare me to my mom. You don't get to act like I missed school plays or recitals or...you don't get to act like I'm depriving Hannah of being a kid. You don't get to do that. And you don't get to even talk about my mom. She did the best she could." "No, Meredith, she didn't. Doing what she did...that wasn't the best she could do." "She did the best she could," Meredith repeated. "I'm sorry she wasn't perfect like you. I'm so sorry she couldn't be the perfect parent and the perfect surgeon like you." "Perfect? You have no idea what you're talking about, you have no idea what I went through." "Well...I..." she paused, taking a deep breath and then shook her head. "I'm going to bed." "Probably a good idea," he sighed. "We...cool off." "Right," she nodded slowly. "Cool off." "I'll be up in a bit." "Okay," she nodded, turning to head up the stairs. "Are you going to say goodnight to Hannah?" he called after her. "Does she want me to?" Meredith murmured, turning to look at him. "I don't know," he shrugged. "Okay," she sighed. "I'm going to say good night to her then. And apologize." "Okay," he nodded. She turned and started up the stairs again, gripping the banister. That definitely hadn't gone the way she thought it would. She hadn't expected him to be that mad. She hadn't expected him to...she had thought he'd be proud. She knew he had a point. She knew she shouldn't have missed out on Hannah's night for a surgery, but she really hadn't wanted to hurt either of them. She wasn't doing what her mom had done, she'd never do that to Hannah. Hannah deserved more than that and it hadn't been her intention at all. It had just been a really cool surgery and she had probably not actually thought as much as she should have. She definitely should have thought more. She should have considered how big family night was supposed to be. She had just been entirely exhausted. Entirely exhausted and she hadn't been thinking properly. And then she had been offered a very cool surgery and...she probably hadn't thought things through. But it wasn't like her mom. Her mom had been at the hospital all the time, her mom had skipped out on stuff for appys, for anything. And she had done it all the time. She wasn't doing what her mom had done. "Hannah?" Meredith asked softly, as she knocked at Hannah's door. "What?" the little girl frowned from her spot on her bed, a book opened in front of her. "I'm uhh...going to bed," Meredith murmured. "And I thought...I'm sorry I missed tonight." "It was family night," Hannah groaned. "It was family night and that means family comes and you didn't come." "I know," Meredith sighed, walking into the room. "A pretty cool surgery came up and I...I made a mistake. I'm really sorry." "Nana came. Daddy came. Uncle Monkey came. Even Addie came." "I know. I should have been there." "But you didn't." "I didn't," Meredith nodded. "You're pretty mad, aren't you?" "Yeah," Hannah nodded, turning from her. "Really, really, really mad." "You should be. My mom used to do it to me sometimes...it wasn't fun." "You didn't come, Meredith. Daddy says you're apart of the family and I gotta listen to you cause you're my family now and you didn't come." "I am your family," Meredith nodded. "I should have been there, I know." "You're the meanest Meredith in the world," Hannah sighed, pulling her blankets over her head. "Oh..." Meredith breathed. "I...I really am sorry. I'll make it up to you somehow." "I'm ready to go to sleep," Hannah said, sounding muffled underneath the blanket. "Go get Daddy." "I will," Meredith nodded. "Goodnight, Hannah. I love you." "Go get Daddy," Hannah repeated as Eskimo jumped onto the bed. "Okay," Meredith whispered, backing out of the bedroom, trying to blink back tears. She probably had deserved that. She definitely had. But it didn't actually make it hurt any less. And now she had to go talk to Derek again and he would probably want to know how it went. Or he wouldn't. She wasn't sure how much of a rush he was in to talk to her either. He might actually echo Hannah's sentiment of her being the meanest Meredith in the world. She hadn't meant to do this. She really hadn't meant to be the meanest Meredith in the world. It had been a once in a lifetime surgery. Derek had to get that. He was one of the best surgeons in the country. He hadn't gotten to that by skipping out on amazing surgeries. But she definitely hadn't meant to hurt Hannah. She had been tired and it was a cool surgery. "Hannah's ready for bed," she called to Derek who was walking up the stairs. "Okay, thanks," Derek nodded, not meeting her eyes. "Okay," she murmured, moving towards the bedroom. This was bad. She hated being mad at Derek. She hated when he was mad at her. And he was really, really mad. She actually hadn't seen him this mad, ever. And it was entirely her fault. But even if she had screwed up, and she definitely had, he didn't have the right to bring up her mom to her. He didn't get it. He didn't get what her mom had done. It had been relatively easy for him. He had figured it out. She wasn't like her mom. She had made a bad decision and she definitely hadn't meant to hurt either of them. It had been a once in a lifetime thing and it wasn't something that she wanted to miss. She wanted to see it. And the family day, it probably hadn't been the best to miss. But this was bad. He was really mad and he didn't look like he wanted to stop being mad anytime soon. She changed into her pajamas quickly, pulling on one of Derek's shirts and falling into bed, curling into herself. She was exhausted. She was completely exhausted and she didn't want to think about this. She definitely didn't want to think about how badly she had screwed this up. She didn't want to think about how pissed he was at her. She just wanted to sleep. She squeezed her eyes shut and hoped she would fall asleep before the tears came. Or before Derek climbed into bed. Because usually Derek crawled in behind her and hugged her tightly. Tonight he probably wouldn't and she didn't want to be awake for that. She didn't want to be in this situation. She didn't want Derek to be this mad at her, she didn't want to fight with him. She heard the door open and then shut and she pulled the blankets over her, biting her lip as a tear slid down her cheek. She didn't want this. She didn't want to fight. She didn't even want to be mad at him. Except he had compared her to her mom. He had accused her of being like her mom. And she wasn't. She wasn't Ellis. She could never be Ellis. He didn't say anything. She bit her lip and tried to keep her shoulders from shaking. She wasn't going to cry. She was mad and she didn't want to talk to him right now, she didn't need him yelling at her or her sympathy or whatever else he was going to offer. The drawer closed and in seconds she felt the weight shift in the bed as he slipped in behind her, not actually moving to touch her. She took a deep breath in, hoping it didn't sound shaky as he turned off the lamp on his side, settling back down, still not touching her. Which was...it was fine. He wasn't going to touch her. He was angry. It made sense. She didn't really want to touch him either. Except already she was missing his arms tight around her, already she was missing that warm comfort. She let her breath out slowly as another tear slid down her cheek. He sighed loudly to himself and she swore his breath sounded shaky but it had to be only in her head. He was mad. He had a right to be mad and she had a right to be mad. They didn't need to cuddle and say I love you. They were in a fight. The bed shifted again as he turned and threw and arm around her. Not as tight as usual, not cuddling close, just casually resting there. "I love you," he murmured. She took a deep breath, moving only slightly closer to him as another tear made it's way down to her chin. "I love you too," she whispered and then fell silent as she let herself cry. Derek moved behind her again, shifting closer on the bed as he moved to hug her tighter, giving her a tight squeeze as tears felt down her cheeks. He wasn't talking but he was there, holding her close. And that was okay. It was okay that he was there and not taking and just being Derek. His body relaxed behind hers as he stayed silent, holding her close to him. She buried her head in the pillow until the tears had finally subsided, until finally, she could feel the exhaustion completely taking over her. His grasp on her relaxed and she moved her hand to grip the pillow tightly, slowing down her breathing until finally, she was asleep. Driving away from the wreck of the day And the light's always red in the rear-view Desperately close to a coffin of hope I'd cheat destiny just to be near you Disclaimer: We don't own the show. But if we did we would happily share it with Stacey McKee. Because she wrote tonight's episode. And well...we have mad love for it so we have mad love for her. So we'd so share it. The house was quiet. Entirely too quiet. She had been dating Derek for a year and she had never actually heard his house be this quiet. It didn't help that Hannah was at his mom's or that he wasn't actually talking to her, so it made sense that the house was too quiet. He had said maybe four words to her all day, or maybe five, and it didn't look like he was letting up anytime soon. She hadn't actually expected much different. Even if they had fallen asleep in each other's arms, a whispered I love you exchanged between them, she knew today was going to be bad. But this was awkward. They hadn't done awkward in over a year and this sucked. But she didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know how she was supposed to apologize for what happened. She knew she was supposed to apologize. She had screwed up. She had missed a big family day and that had been...it had been bad. She had screwed up. But she couldn't actually figure out what to say. Because he was supposed to understand this. He was supposed to understand residency and trying to be the best. And he was supposed to understand that she wasn't Ellis. And he definitely didn't seem like he was about to apologize. He kept looking at her. Not in a bad way but in a very non-Dereky way. She was used to him looking at her, he did it all the time. And usually it was something to do with how much he loved her or how much he wanted to get her naked. Today the looks were some strange place between anger and sadness. And expecting something. He was expecting her to apologize. Or expecting her to do something. Apologize was a safe bet. She just couldn't. She had no idea how. And he needed to apologize too. He had said things. Things he knew would hurt her. But instead, they were sitting in the living room, the TV on as he sat in the arm chair and she sat on the couch, neither of them saying a word. "Hungry?" he suddenly asked, his voice quiet. "Oh," she breathed. "Um....yeah." "Okay," he nodded. "I'll make something, I guess." "You don't...I can find something," she sighed. "No, Mer," he shook his head. "I can take care of it." "Okay," she murmured. "Mom is bringing Hannah home soon," he sighed, not moving from his seat. "I...I know," she nodded slowly. She hated this. Completely hated it. "Yeah," he nodded, sighing loudly. "Mer...I..." "What?" she breathed, turning to look at him. "Nothing," he shook his head. "Just...anything you want?" Besides the awkwardness to end and for him to somehow figure out a way to fix this...she shook her head. "No. Nothing...anything is good." "Okay," he nodded, finally moving from his spot. "I'll see what we have." "Okay," she whispered as the front door opened. "I'm home!" Hannah shouted. Meredith sighed at the exclamation. Hannah wasn't talking to her either so now the house was just going to get even more awkward. Great. "Derek? Meredith?" Mrs. Shepherd called as she came towards the living room, Hannah already running ahead of her. "Hey Mom," Derek sighed, attempting a smile. "Thanks for watching her." "Daddy!" Hannah grinned widely, holding up tupperware. "Me and Nana made brownies!" "That's great, Han," he nodded, his smiling becoming a little more successful. "And I got all my homework done, Nana helped me." "Good," Derek nodded. "Hannah dear," Mrs. Shepherd spoke up, looking at Meredith, "isn't there someone you forgot to say hi to?" "Oh," Hannah frowned, not looking at Meredith. "Hi Meredith." "Hi, Hannah," Meredith murmured, wiping her hand quickly against her eyes as she felt tears build up. "What's for supper, Daddy?" Hannah asked. "I was just about to go look," Derek sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Want to come and help me?" "Sure," Hannah grinned, grabbing for his hand. "Nana, are you staying?" "If Daddy and Meredith invite me," Mrs. Shepherd nodded, frowning slightly. "You can stay if you want," Derek shrugged. "Meredith, dear, is it all right if I stay?" Mrs. Shepherd asked. "Oh umm...sure," Meredith murmured. Maybe at least she would talk to her. Or Derek would try to pretend everything was okay. "Okay then," Mrs. Shepherd smiled at Hannah. "Then I'll stay for supper." "Cool," Hannah nodded. "Come on, Daddy." "Okay," Derek nodded, leading Hannah out of the room. "Well I guess we have some time to kill," Mrs. Shepherd sighed, smiling warmly at Meredith. "Yeah," Meredith whispered, pulling the throw around her shoulders a little tighter. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong? Or are you going to act like my son and make me drag it out of you?" "What?" Meredith's head snapped up. "What makes you...nothing's...we just..." "Sweetheart, I raised four girls. I know when there is a problem," Mrs. Shepherd sighed. "Oh," Meredith chewed on her lip. "We...we just had a fight. It's nothing. We're fine. Well we will be if ever looks at me. Or talks to me. Or looks at me but doesn't look like he's really pissed." "I assume it had something to do with ballet last night?" "Yes," Meredith sighed. "Are you angry with me too? Because I get it if you are." "No, Meredith, it's not my place to be mad at you," Mrs. Shepherd sighed. "I understand why my son and Hannah are, but I have no reason to be." "Oh," she breathed, wrapping the throw even tighter. "I just...it was this surgery. This amazing surgery and it was something...you don't turn it down. When the head of cardio offers you this surgery you don't...and I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I just thought...I don't know what I thought. I was tired and Dr. Hahn was offering me a huge surgery and I just...I screwed it up." "Everyone screws up sometimes," Mrs. Shepherd shrugged. "Derek will get over it, don't worry." "I don't know," she sighed. "I really don't because...and then he compared me to my mother. My mother. Like he has any idea...he has no idea what it was like with my mom. And he doesn't...she did the best she could. She wasn't always around but she...he doesn't get it. He's this perfect parent. He's figured it out and my mom tried...but she...she did the best he could." "Meredith...it will be a while before supper is ready. Derek won't let me in there and from what I understand you're the last person who should be in there. How about we take a walk?" "A...okay," Meredith nodded slowly, standing up from the couch and slipping on her shoes and jacket. "Derek, dear, Meredith and I are going for a walk, we won't be long," Mrs. Shepherd called toward the kitchen. "He probably doesn't care," Meredith sighed at the sound of Hannah's giggle. "Meredith, he cares. He's angry and hurting but the man is clearly in love with you. Don't be so dramatic," Mrs. Shepherd sighed, opening the door and leading Meredith out. "Sorry," Meredith murmured, suddenly feeling entirely like a little kid in trouble. "Derek hasn't told you about a lot of his past, has he?" Mrs. Shepherd asked. "You mean about Hannah's mom?" Meredith frowned. "About after Hannah's mom." "Oh um..." Meredith bit her lip. "With Mark moving in and all that?" "Yes," Mrs. Shepherd nodded. "That and a few other things. Don't make the mistake of thinking that Derek was born a natural father." "Mrs. Shepherd, if this is about what he said, I..." "Meredith, it's about the fact that you have made some mistakes since you stepped into a mother like role and you've had a hard time of things. And more importantly it's about the fact that Derek has made mistakes and certainly didn't have an easy time becoming a father." "Derek's a great dad. He...I mean, he's perfect." "He's far from perfect, Meredith." "But he loves Hannah. And he acts like, I mean..." "Of course he loves Hannah. And he's doing a fine job at raising her. But he has made mistakes. And he went through some of what you're going through." "He did?" "Meredith, Derek always wanted children. He was one of those rare teenage guys who weren't afraid to admit that one day they wanted to be a father. He wanted to be a father and a surgeon and he could never find the right woman. And suddenly the wrong woman got pregnant with his child." "Which he was ecstatic about," Meredith nodded. "I know, he told me." "He was ecstatic," Mrs. Shepherd grinned. "Until he had a crying baby at home and had no idea what he was supposed to do." "Derek had no idea what to do with Hannah?" "Of course not," Mrs. Shepherd shook her head. "The idea of a baby is one thing...and actual crying baby is a completely different thing." "Mrs. Shepherd," Meredith sighed, "I don't...I mean, I don't see what this has to do with anything." "Meredith, am I mistaken or did you make a tiny parenting mistake last night?" "I�m not...I mean...I'm not Hannah's mom but...if you listen to Derek, I made a huge mistake." "You're the closest thing to a mom that child has ever had and will ever have. And you did make a mistake...this is me telling you that Derek isn't innocent of mistakes." "Okay," Meredith sighed. "Meredith, a few days after Hannah was born I came to check on Derek and Hannah." "Okay," Meredith repeated. "I found my son curled in the corner, wearing pajamas he hadn't changed in days, the perfect waves entirely disheveled and entirely in tears about the fact his tiny baby girl wouldn't stop crying." "Oh," Meredith breathed, a sharp pain shooting through her chest at the thought of Derek crying in a corner. "He wasn't born a father," Mrs. Shepherd sighed. "In that first year I don't know how many times I worried my son was going to have a nervous break down." "But he's...he's so good with her. He's amazing and perfect." "He's an excellent father," Mrs. Shepherd nodded. "But no one is handed a child, at any age, and knows immediately what to do with it." "But he learned. He learned and now...I mean, he's a great father. And he has no idea what...he doesn't know what my mom. She made bad choices but not everyone can make the best choices and be this great amazing parent." "Do you fully believe that he's the perfect father?" "I...I don't know," Meredith sighed. "He seems...he seems like he is." "He's a good father, Meredith. You don't have to tell him that I think he's a crap dad, he's not. I'm proud of how well he's done. But no parent is perfect, Derek has made his mistakes." "He was overwhelmed," Meredith sighed. "That's...it's normal. I guess. But that doesn't mean he's made mistakes." "Derek's told me about your past so I know you don't know too much about parents, but I can promise you that there's not one that hasn't made a mistake." "Apparently he hasn't made mistakes like I did last night," Meredith mumbled. "No, Meredith, the man has never chosen anything before Hannah. That's actually one of his biggest mistakes." "It is?" "It is," Mrs. Shepherd nodded. "Hannah has to come first, there's no question about that. But Derek has put her...only. He's put her basically only." "But isn't that...I mean, he's a parent. He has to do that." "No he doesn't," Mrs. Shepherd shook her head. "He had to make sacrifices but the man gave up on living for his daughter." "Living?" Meredith sighed. "He...he lived. He's lived." "Meredith, for the last six years he refused to get serious with anyone because of her." "But that makes sense, Mrs. Shepherd. He didn't want to date. He had Hannah." "No, it doesn't make sense, Meredith. It makes sense that he would take time before getting serious, that he would not jump into anything big that large right away. That is obviously a good decision. But before he met you I could count the times he had me babysit so he could go on a date. Or go out period." "He said he went on dates. And...it's good. It's good that he gives Hannah attention. That's good. My dad didn't and...well, my dad left so I'm pretty sure any dad is better than my dad but he...Derek was doing what was best for Hannah." "Meredith, you don't know this yet and it took me time to learn it myself, but making your child your entire life is not the best for your child." "So that's Derek's biggest mistake? Being overwhelmed and...and making Hannah his world?" "That's his biggest ones, yes. But he's made plenty of small ones along the way." "Okay," Meredith sighed. "Then...okay." "This hasn't been easy on him, even getting involved with you hasn't been easy on him. You have to remember that." "He wanted it, Mrs. Shepherd. He didn't tell...he wanted it. He chased me and he wanted it. Even when I didn't want it, even when I knew I wasn't ready for it, he wanted it." "Oh I know that. I see the way he looks at you, there's no question you're everything he wants. But he had been used to nothing but Hannah. You're the first one that he ever took that chance with. He hasn't said it, but I know choosing to chase you was not easy." "He makes it seem easy," Meredith sighed. "He makes everything seem easy. He makes...he makes raising Hannah look easy. He makes all of this seem easy." "Derek is good at making everything seem easy. But it's not." "So now you want me to go in there and apologize," Meredith sighed. "You want me to say sorry and forgive him and...because he's made mistakes." "Of course not," Mrs. Shepherd shook her head. "He's not ready to hear it and you're not ready to say it. And he's certainly not ready to apologize for being a man." "He compared me to my mother," Meredith whispered. "Oh," Mrs. Shepherd nodded. "From what I understand she made her fair number of mistakes." "She was never around. Ever. She made sacrifices. And she did the best she could. Even if Derek was overwhelmed, he doesn't...he doesn't get it." "No he doesn't. Because to him the job will never come first. It's always going to be Hannah and you." "I know," she sighed. "I know. It's just...I wasn't trying...it was a once in a lifetime thing and I wasn't even...I don't know." "And you didn't think everything through. Meredith...if it had just been Derek, I'm sure he would have understood. He would have even been proud. But you let Hannah down, Hannah who is starting to consider you family. That's a big no no in Derek's eyes." "So I fuc---screwed up majorly?� "No, you didn't. You made a mistake. It happens. Derek will pout for a bit longer and come around. He always does." "I hope so," Meredith whispered. "Where did you sleep last night?" "What?" Meredith frowned. "I...in our bed." "And where did he sleep?" "In our bed," Meredith nodded. "Were you on your backs not touching?" "No," Meredith sighed, shifting slightly. "How did you sleep, Meredith? Did he say goodnight?" "We um...we didn't cuddle or...but he had his arm around me and...yeah, we said I love you. Not good night. Just...just I love you." "You'll be fine," Mrs. Shepherd smiled. "He's barely talking to me, Mrs. Shepherd." "And yet he held you and told you he loved you," Mrs. Shepherd sighed. "Those are the important things, Meredith. Finding the strength to do that after a fight is the important part." "Oh." "Just take a bit to cool off, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow...get your heads level again and talk it out." "Okay," Meredith nodded as they turned back towards the house. "Mrs. Shepherd?" "Yes?" "Derek...he...I mean, he figured it out right? The parenting and the...he was okay after the first year?" "He got better. Having Mark there helped and he stopped worrying me. But he's still had his bumps." "Okay," Meredith sighed. "Because I...I mean, she's seven and I've been doing this for a year. Well, kind of doing it not really and I'm just as...I want to cry in a corner." "Well then, cry in a corner. Derek will understand." "Nana!" Hannah exclaimed, running out of the house. "Supper's ready!" "Oh well that's excellent news," Mrs. Shepherd grinned. "Daddy made hot dogs and corn," Hannah grinned widely. "And he says we can have brownies for dessert if we're really, really, really good." "Very yummy," Mrs. Shepherd smiled. "C'mon!" Hannah grabbed her hand, dragging her towards the house. "Hannah, how about you grab Meredith's hand too?" Mrs. Shepherd asked. "Why?" Hannah frowned. "Because she's your friend and it's not nice to leave her out." "She's not my friend no more." "Hannah Rose Shepherd, I don't know what your father puts up with, but I am not putting up with that," Mrs. Shepherd shook her head as she stopped walking and held Hannah in place. "Meredith made a mistake yesterday and she hurt your feelings. It's okay to be mad at her. But I know you love her very much so it's not okay to be rude to her." "But she was rude first." "Did she apologize?" "Yes," Hannah pouted. "And is there a reason you haven't forgiven her?" "Cause she's the meanest Meredith in the whole world." "Hannah, you're as dramatic as your father was when he was your age," Mrs. Shepherd groaned. "She made a mistake. She feels bad. And if you don't forgive her I'm pretty sure she can call you the meanest Hannah in the whole world." "Nuh uh." "Oh she can. You think she's the meanest because she was rude to you. And now you're being rude to her." "She was rude first," Hannah insisted. "And she missed ballet. And she was mean." "And she's very very sorry," Mrs. Shepherd murmured. "Mrs. Shepherd, it's fine," Meredith whispered. "It's...it's fine." "No, it's not," Mrs. Shepherd shook her head. "Hannah, you don't have to forgive Meredith right now. That's something for you two to figure out. But I do insist you apologize for being rude and treat her better." "I don't want to." "Well then I guess you don't want brownies for desert." "Yes I do," Hannah frowned. "Daddy said if I was really, really, really good I can have brownies." "He did say that. Do you think he consider being mean to Meredith being really really good?" "He's not talking to Meredith neither." "But is he being mean to her?" "I don't know." "I don't think he is," Mrs. Shepherd shook her head. "Fine," Hannah said firmly. "I'm sorry for being rude, Meredith." "Thank you, Hannah," Meredith nodded. "Apology accepted." "But you're still not my friend no more," Hannah said, turning on her heel and stomping into the house. "Don't take it personally," Mrs. Shepherd sighed. "I...why not? She hates me. She clearly and completely hates me." "She doesn't hate you. She's hurting and is the second most dramatic child in the history of the world." "Who's the first?" "That would be your boyfriend. I lost track of how many times he told me I wasn't his mommy anymore. I think he still fights the urge to do it now." "Really?" Meredith giggled slightly. "Really," Mrs. Shepherd rolled her eyes. "When Derek was a child it was either hate or love, there was no in between." "That's how Hannah is." "I know," Mrs. Shepherd nodded. "When she says it just ignore it or completely agree. She'll get over it quickly enough." "Okay," Meredith sighed as Derek came into view, wiping his hands on a dish towel. "Give him some time, Meredith," Mrs. Shepherd murmured. "I know," Meredith sighed, biting her lip. "Fights happen." "Fights happen," Meredith murmured under her breath. "My son is crazy about you," Mrs. Shepherd smiled. "You two will be fine." "Supper's ready," Derek sighed. "So Hannah has told us," Mrs. Shepherd smiled as she walked into the house. "Hot dogs and corn," Derek nodded. "Just something quick." "That's fine, dear," Mrs. Shepherd nodded. "Sounds good," Meredith whispered, rocking back and forth on her heels. "Yeah," Derek murmured, looking at Meredith closely. "Have a nice walk?" "It was very pleasant," Mrs. Shepherd nodded. "I'll go make sure my granddaughter isn't feeding her hotdog to Eskimo." She moved towards the kitchen, leaving Meredith and Derek alone. "So...." Derek breathed. "Derek," she said quickly and then paused. "Mer..." "I..." she bit her lip. She had made a mistake. She had made a mistake and mistakes were normal. They were normal. Derek made mistakes. Derek had crawled into corners and nearly had a nervous breakdown. She had made a mistake and she had apologized and he...it had been a mistake. "Yeah?" he asked quietly, tilting his head to the side slightly, some of the anger draining from his eyes. "I...nothing," she sighed, shaking her head. "Food. We have to...even though...nothing." "Oh," he nodded slowly. "Okay." "Okay," she murmured. "Mer...you..." he sighed and suddenly ducked forward, kissing her lips quickly and gently before pulling back again. "Oh," she sighed, looking up at him, tears building in her eyes. "Oh." "Food," he whispered, wiping


I DO - Part 2 · GA FAN FICS