YOU PICKED ME - Part 1

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YOU PICKED ME - Part 1; Trilogy according to Alicia & Katie
Topic Started: Dec 27 2007, 11:54 AM (188 Views)
oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 11:54 AM Post #1
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	You Picked Me AU Marilyn&Grave Hello everyone! And welcome to the newest fic! What to say...what to say...another AU one. Though not as AU as The Luckiest. But AU all the same. More cuteness, laughter, some angst (because really, what's Mer/Der without the angst?), and new characters to love and want to snuggle. We hope you'll enjoy it! So the lyrics... You Picked Me A Fine Frenzy one two three, counting out the signs we see the tall buildings fading in the distance only dots on a map four five six the two of us a perfect fit you’re all mine all mine and all I can say is you blow me away like an apple on a tree hiding out behind the leaves I was difficult to reach but you picked me like a shell upon a beach just another pretty piece I was difficult to see but you picked me, yeah you picked me so softly, rain against the windows and the strong coffee warming up my fingers in this fisherman’s house you got me, searched the sand and climbed the tree and brought me back down and all I can say is you blow me away like an apple on a tree hiding out behind the leaves I was difficult to reach but you picked me like a shell upon a beach just another pretty piece I was difficult to see but you picked me, yeah you picked me Disclaimer; Shonda is making Mer and Der into the cutest non couple in this history of the world. Which might be confusing you and making you wonder if we own the show. We have one word to prove we don't....Gizzie. If Meredith Grey could make a list of place she didn't want to be she assumed this would be on the top of the list. Somewhere below visiting with her mom, possibly somewhere above going to the dentist. And yet her she was. Wearing her good, sexy but still professional black dress and her strappy sandels and nursing a glass of red wine in her hand. She wanted to be anywhere but here. She definitely hadn't been expecting this. She had thought her intern year would start off with her in the hospital in scrubs working a forty-eight hour shift and questioning why the hell she had ever wanted to be a doctor. That's what she had told Lexie her first day as an intern would be like, anyway. But now she was at this mixer with the other interns, trying to make small talk. She hated small talk. She didn't do the mingling thing. Well she did the mingling thing when it involved something a little stronger than wine, and a lot of that something. And some men. Not her fellow interns. She didn't want to be here. She was good with the intern thing. Well actually kind of terrified of the intern thing because it was definitely huge and scary but she could manage it. But not the small talk. Not the small talk with the short stammering guy who was talking about...something. She wasn't sure what he was talking about. She should probably be listening to him, because he was an intern and she should probably try to make friends. But she hated small talk. And she hated that she was here. There had to be a way to get out of here and get some tequila. She glanced around the room, secretly looking for the nearest exit. There had to be some door that she could just slip out and dissapear. No one would notice at all. She could just leave and start making friends tomorrow when she didn't have to do small talk and just do the cutting thing. Or well the watching other people cut thing, but all the same, she could make friends then. Molly would probably say she was being anti social, and Susan would definitely tell her to stay and talk to people. But they weren't here to struggle through small talk. They weren't here to listen to short stammering guy talk about where he went to school. She definitely needed to leave. Definitely. Now. Her eyes swept the room stopping not on an exit, but on a tall, dark-haired guy in a red shirt. He was talking to someone and laughing. She could tell even from this distance that it was a nice laugh, full bellied. Not that she had any idea what that was supposed to mean but it seemed to match him. Sexy also matched him. His hair looked just about perfect and his eyes were....well she didn't have a clear view of them but from what she could tell they were heart stopping. She bit her lip as she watched him, at the way his eyes crinkled at the edges when he laughed, at the way he ran his hand through his short curly hair. He was completely fuckable. Hopefully he was an intern. If he was an intern, she could definitely sleep with him. Not that she should be sleeping with coworkers, but he was completely...he was looking at her. Shit. He was definitely really looking at her, his eyes sweeping over her in a completely yummy way that should be creepy but when he was doing it it certainly wasn't. She actually felt a shimmer run down her spine as their eyes met. If he was an intern she was definitely going to have to sleep with him. Not that she usually planned things this way, but well the man screamed sex. Hopefully he wasn't creeped out by the fact that she had been staring at him. She guessed he wasn't. From the way he was glancing over her, he definitely wasn't. And now he was smirking...good god the man could smirk. And not in one of those creepy smirks that made a girl feel like she was about to be eaten alive...but a really sexy smirk that promised her she was about to get the hottest sex of her life. He was moving now, walking toward her, still smirkng as he took a sip of the beer in his hands, the beer that was still in the bottle and not a glass like some sissy men thought was a good idea. That quite possibly made him even sexier. If he could get sexier. He even made walking look sexy. It was wrong. Entirely wrong and entirely yummy. "Hey," he greeted quietly as he reached her. "Hey," she greeted, hoping she sounded sexy and flirty and not...well not bored out of her skull and planning on dragging him into an on call room for sex. She had heard about the on call rooms at hospitals. Seemed like a good idea to have sex with him in an on call room. "Looking for an escape route?" he asked, his eyes twinkling. "If I say yes, do you swear not to tell?" she smiled. "Won't breathe a word," he nodded seriously, putting his one finger to his lips in a hushing motion. "Good," she breathed. He was kind of cheesy, but god he was hot. "What about you? Wanting to escape?" "It doesn't sound like a bad idea," he sighed. "These things are a form of torture." "I'm glad someone else agrees," she nodded. "I'm seriously considering ducking out and going to the bar across the street." "Or you could just stick around here and talk to me." "Oh, I could?" "You could," he smirked. "It could be fun." There was that smirk again. She needed him. Naked. In an on call room. "Are you saying you're fun to talk to and will completely relieve my boredom?" "That's about it," he nodded. "You really like yourself, don't you?" she giggled. Hopefully he liked giggling. "Just hiding my pain," he smiled. "Hmm," she smiled at him, moving a little closer to him. He was incredibly hot. "Meredith Grey, Dartmouth." "Derek Shepherd, head of neurosurgery. And please don't freak out just because I'm your boss." Holy crap. He was...crap. Crap. Crap. He was her boss. She had been plotting getting her boss naked in an on call room. She had been flirting with a boss. Crap. Why did she do this? Why was it always her? She was screwed. And he probably thought she was some kind of dumb slut. Crap. Crap. Crap. "No...um...I'm not," she shook her head quickly. "You are," he nodded, the smirk returning. "I'm definitely not freaking out," she shook her head. "Why would I be freaking out? You're my boss. I'm supposed to meet my bosses and that's what I just did. I met a boss. I talked to a boss. So I'm definitely not freaking out. At all. Completely not freaking out...sir. Dr. Shepherd. Not freaking out." "You just called me sir. And rambled, I think that qualifies as freaking out." "I'm supposed to call you sir. Or Dr. Shepherd. Or...I mean, there isn't a special name for head of neurosurgery, is there? You're just Dr. Shepherd, of course you are. Dr. Shepherd. The best neurosurgeon in the country. Not that I'm stalking you or whatever I just...I mean, I know because well, I think we studied a surgery of yours in med school but...god I'm not rambling. I'm stopping." "Don't," he laughed. "And it's Derek. We're not working, call me Derek...Meredith." "Oh," she breathed, momentarily thrown off by the way he said her name. It was...sexy. He was flirting. Or something. Which was...he probably wasn't flirting. Definitely not flirting. Bosses didn't flirt with interns. "I um...I read your article on internal decapitations and I...I mean I really look forward to working under...with you. Not under...well yes, under, because you're my boss." "You want to work under me?" he raised his eyebrows at her. "With...with you," she said quickly. "I can't wait to work with you. And learn and...learn from you." "You are completely freaking out." "I'm not." "You are." "I'm really not," she shook her head. "Seriously, I'm...really good under pressure. I do well in high stress situations, I don't freak out. Not that this is a high stress situation, it's just...I don't freak out. I'm good. Really good. Not that I'm trying to say I'm good at surgery because I honestly have no idea because tomorrow's my first day as an intern and you probably...yeah...but I'm not freaking out." "You are," he nodded. "You shouldn't be freaking out." "Not that I am freaking out...but if I were...why shouldn't I be?" "Because I'm just Derek," he shrugged. "I'm not your boss right now. And when I am I promise I'll go easy on you." "Why? Because I freaked out in front of you?" "Because I'm not evil," he laughed. "And I like you." "You like me." "I like you." "You don't know me. I could be a crap intern." "You might be. But I still like you." "Oh," she bit her lip. He liked her. This was...probably not good. She didn't want special treatment. She didn't want her boss liking her for no apparent reason. He probably thought she was a complete idiot. Crap. She was completely screwed. "You should try to breathe." "I'm breathing." "Of course you are." "If I weren't, I'd be dead," she said. "As a doctor you should know that." He looked at her, a small smile playing at his lips and she groaned inwardly. She had just insulted the best neurosurgeon in the country. God she needed tequila. "I didn't...I didn't mean that you don't...I mean...crap." "Yeah...well..." he laughed gently as he glanced at his watch. "Crap. I have to go." Thank God. Or maybe not. He was probably saying he had to go so he didn't have to talk to her anymore. She was on scut for the rest of her life. "Lucky you," she managed. "Want to sneak out with me?" "What?" she shook her head, staring at him. Was he...he said he had to go and now he was offering her to go home and have sex? What the hell was going on? And didn't he realize she was his intern. He was her boss. "If we leave together they'll assume thngs...not sneaking out kind of things," he shrugged. "They'll assume...Dr. Shepherd, you're my boss." "Derek. And I know." "So they can't assume anything. Bad things happen when people assume things about interns and bosses." "Fine," he sighed, his eyes still twinkling as he smiled at her. "Just trying to help you out." "I know but I don't need your help," she sighed. "I should probably stay. Meet more bosses. And stuff. And...it was good meeting you, Dr. Shepherd." "Derek." "Dr. Shepherd," she repeated. "And um....I'll see you tomorrow I guess. And...I actually I wasn't looking for an escape route. This is good. For interns and...tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow." "Definitely see you tomorrow," he nodded, reaching over to squeeze her arm quickly. "It was...nice meeting you." "Yeah," she breathed. "Yeah," he nodded. "So tomorrow." "Tomorrow," she nodded quickly. "I promise I'll be good tomorrow. Like...surgery-wise not...behavior wise because that just makes me sound like a five year old." "I'm sure you'll kick ass," he grinned. "I hope so," she nodded. "Bye, Dr. Shepherd." "Bye Meredith," he smiled. She watched as he walked away, pulling his cell phone off his belt and groaned, leaning against the wall. Crap. She had not only hit on her boss, she had freaked out in front of him. She had freaked out in front of the head of neurosurgery. She was completely screwed. Completely and totally screwed. He probably thought she was an idiot, and if the rumors were true, he didn't allow idiots in his OR. She was screwed. And yet he kept saying he liked her. With that tiny smile that played around his mouth but didn't turn into a full smile. And he had flirted, there was definitely flirting going on and none of this made any sense. He was her boss.. He couldn't flirt, he couldn't tell her to call him Derek or any of that other stuff he had done. He had to be her boss and not...the really sexy flirty guy. She had maybe misread things. Or maybe she was just entirely screwed. This was not how her intern year at Seattle Grace Hospital was supposed to start. She wasn't supposed to hit on her really sexy boss. And she definitely wasn't supposed to freak out in front of him. And god, he was sexy. But she couldn't think that. Definitely couldn't think that. He was her boss. She was his intern. Tomorrow she would just go to work and pretend that none of that had ever happened. She'd go to work tomorrow and pretend that she hadn't met Derek tonight and definitely hadn't want to sleep with him. Tomorrow would be a new day and she'd just pretend that tonight was a dream. And they'd both go on and he could be her boss and she'd be his intern. It would be okay. As for now, she definitely needed a drink. A strong drink. Not that she should be going out and getting drunk at bars the night before her internship but she had just hit on her boss so she figured she deserved one. So she would act like she had to go to the washroom and then she would sneak out and go to the bar across the street. And forget all about this mixer and her incredibly sexy boss. Maybe I should stop and start over I'm gonna stop and start over Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy Derek would have a lot more children patients because Paddy with kids is the best thing in the world. On second thought...kids that need brain surgery is just sad. So umm...maybe we'd bring neices and nephews in. Or even better...this. "Daddy." Derek sighed as he burrowed underneath his blanket, trying to ignore the finger poking into his side and his alarm clock blaring next to him. "Daddy. The 'larm's screaming real loud." "Ignore it," he murmured, keeping his eyes firmly shut. "But you gotta get up, Daddy." "But I don't want to," he fake whined, reaching his arm out and pulling her close. "You gotta, Daddy," she giggled. "I gotta go day care." "You do?" "Yeah," he felt her nod firmly in his arms. "And you gotta go work." "I do?" "Yeah, Daddy." "Fun killer." "You silly, Daddy." "You're silly, Hannah Banana." "Nuh uh," Hannah shook her head, climbing on top of him. "The 'larm's screaming, Daddy." "Do you remember how I showed you to turn it off?" "Um...don't tink so," Hannah frowned, climbing over him to kneel over and stare at the alarm clock. "Lots of buttons, Daddy." "There are a lot," he nodded, sitting up to look over. "It's that button, remember?" "Oh yeah," Hannah nodded, pressing the button quickly. "No more screaming!" "All quiet," he laughed. "Morning, honey." "Morning, Daddy," she giggled, turning to kiss him on the cheek. "Daddy has to jump in the shower. Want to go get dressed while I do that?" "Can I wear my purple sweats?" "If that's what you want to wear," Derek nodded. "And my balleina shirt?" "Of course," he grinned, kissing her quickly. "Kay," she nodded, scrambling off his bed and running out of the room. Derek smiled and climbed the rest of the way out of bed. He hadn't gotten nearly as much sleep as he wanted to last night even though he had left the mixer early. Meredith Grey had kept him up all night. Meredith Grey and the giggle and the rambling and everything else. It was impossible to sleep when she kept dancing into his mind. So now he was tired and he had a five year old to get ready for day care. That was hard enough as it is when he wasn't exhausted after a night of only getting fours of sleep. He didn't understand why an intern was keeping him up all night. Yes, the giggle was adorable, and the rambling was absolutely the most amazing thing he'd ever heard. But there still wasn't a reason she'd keep him up all night. But here he was, dragging his ass out of bed at six to shower and get his daughter ready for day care. And he'd see her, or maybe see her. Just because they worked at the hospital doesn't mean that he'd actually see her today. Things could be crazy and busy and everything else. So he might not see her. It might just be a really long day full of coffee from lack of sleep. Huge lack of sleep. Today would be one of those days he found himself wondering if he was insane doing this job while raising a daughter. Everyone had warned him about it. Everyone had warned him that being the top surgeon in the country while raising a kid was next to impossible, that he would be run into the ground. His mother talked to him at least twice a week about it, but he loved it. There was nothing more he loved than cutting during the day and then coming home to his bouncy daughter. He was done with his shower. It was a fast one, he had grown accustomed to really fast showers in the last five years. When you had a small girl in the home it was impossible to do anything but shampoo and soap quickly. He got dressed just as quick as he ran down the stairs, seeing Hannah on the couch, reading a book. "Well don't you look pretty." "I always pretty, Daddy," she giggled as she looked at the book, which was upside down. "Of course," he rolled his eyes. "Is the book interesting?" "Very," she nodded, turning the page. "It s'about brains and pines." "Brains and pines?" "Yep." "That's pretty cool." "Coolest book ever," she smiled, putting it aside. "Where's Uncle Monkey?" "Is he not here?" Derek frowned. "Nope," Hannah reported. "I went to his room and he wasn't anywhere, Daddy. And that's not good. That's really, really bad. Cause you can't fixed my hair like Uncle Monkey." "I can manage," Derek laughed. "And I'm sure he'll get home soon. He probably slept over at a friend's house." "Again?" "Yes again. You know Uncle Monkey has a lot of friends." "Lots and lots of friends." "Tons of friends." "But he's gotta be home now, Daddy. Who's gonna do my pig ears? Or maybe doggy tails today. I can't 'cide, Daddy." "I'll do them if he doesn't get home." "But you can't." "I can." "Nuh uh." "Huh uh." "Nuh uh." "Huh uh. I'm your daddy." "I know, Daddy," she giggled, climbing off the couch and latching herself onto his leg. "But Uncle Monkey does doggy tails better." "Well Uncle Monkey is a monkey." "No he's not," Hannah laughed. "He's a person, Daddy." "So you think," "Nanners is monkey, Daddy," she stated, holding up her ballerina monkey. "Not Uncle Monkey." "Really?" "Yeah." "You're so smart." "The smartest, right?" "The very smartest," he nodded. "Let's go to the kitchen to figure out what you want for lunch." "Pea butter." "Can do. With jam? Or bananas?" "Um...I dunno," she sighed, giggling as he moved towards the kitchen, her arms still around his leg. "Well...you have to pick." "Banan today." "Can do that," he nodded. "Can I have pudding too, Daddy?" she asked as he picked her up and put her at the kitchen table. "Okay," he nodded. "But that means no cookies." "That's okay," she shrugged. "Nana give me cookies." "Oh really?" "Yep," she nodded quickly, reaching across the table for a pen. "Nana give me cookies when you gotta be doctor 'stead of daddy for long time." "Those aren't fun times but at least you get cookies." "Lots of cookies," Hannah grinned just as the front door opened and closed. "Uncle Monkey!" "Hannah Banana!" Mark greeted, smiling widely. "I misseded you!" she climbed off the chair, throwing herself against his legs. "I missed you too," he laughed. "And I brought donuts." "Donuts!" she giggled, clapping her hands. "Mark," Derek groaned. "Donuts? Seriously?" "Better than the stuff you're trying to poison her with," Mark grinned as he put the box of donuts down on the counter, grabbing a plate for Hannah. "Of course it is," Derek rolled his eyes. "Hannah, remember...donuts are a special treat." "I know, Daddy," she giggled, trying to wink at Mark. "Chocolate, Uncle Monkey." "Nothing else for my favourite girl," Mark laughed, placing a chocolate donut on the plate and handing it to her. "Tank you," she nodded, turning back to the table. "Milk please." "Milk," Derek nodded, handing her a glass he had already poured. "Tanks, Daddy," she grinned, picking up the donut carefully. "Welcome, honey," Derek smiled. "So who was the hot chick you were all over at the crappy mixer?" Mark asked as he leaned against the counter, eating a donut. "That was Meredith Grey," Derek sighed. "I wasn't all over her. We were talking. She's an intern." "Sh---shoot," Mark groaned, looking over at Hannah. "They're starting today, aren't they?" "They are." "I do have some dry cleaning that needs to be picked up." "Mark, that's not what the interns are for." "That's all they're good for." "No it's not," Derek sighed. "They're trying to learn something." "So they can learn their way around Seattle. And my cell phone." "Wonderful," Derek rolled his eyes. "So you were hitting on an intern? She was hot." "She was," Derek agreed. "And it wasn't hitting on her. It was...talking." "Hitting on, Shep." "You don't even know what I said to her." "I saw how you were looking at her," Mark shrugged. "Like you wanted her in your bed." "Small ears," Derek frowned. "And I was...beside the point. Doesn't mean I was hitting on her." "Daddy, don't hit," Hannah ordered as she held up her sticky, chocolatey fingers. "More, please." "No more," Derek shook his head. "One donut is enough sugar for the morning." "Please, Daddy?" "Hannah." "Oh, come on, Daddy," Mark smirked as he reached into the box for another chocolate donut. "Fine," Derek sighed, watching Hannah pout. "But if you don't behave at day care you don't get dessert tonight." "I always 'have." "Sure," Derek laughed. "What do you want to drink for lunch?" "Fruit punch." "Okay," Derek nodded, grabbing a juice box out of the fridge. "Uncle Monkey, you gotta do my doggy tails," Hannah said as she bit into another donut. "Of course I do," Mark grinned. "Or pig ears. I can't 'cide," she sighed sadly. "Pig ears would be very cute," Mark nodded. "Or I could braid it." "I like braids," Hannah nodded. "Well which one do you want?" "I don't know," she shook her head. "Daddy? Which one?" "I think pig ears today," Derek nodded. "Me too," Hannah nodded seriously. "Pig ears, Uncle Monkey." "Pig ears it is," Mark nodded. "Where's your brush?" "Upstairs." "Can you go get it, princess?" Mark asked. "I guess," she sighed dramatically, holding up her hands. "Messy hands." "Of course," Derek sighed. "Come clean up." "Clean, clean up!" Hannah exclaimed as she ran to the sink, giggling as Derek lifted her up and turned on the sink, watching carefully as she washed her hands. "Good job, Han," Derek grinned. "Tanks," she nodded, holding up her hands for inspection. "Perfect," Derek nodded. "Good," she nodded as he put her down and she ran upstairs after grabbing her monkey off the table. "If she's hyper at day care I'm tell Lynn it's your fault," Derek sighed. "Lynn loves me," Mark smirked. "Or at least she does after last night." "Lynn? Seriously?" "She's hot, man." "She runs the day care. Where my daughter spends her days." "And?" "And...it's wrong. Oh...and you need to move out." "Yeah, yeah, I'm looking at apartments Thursday." "Of course you are," Derek sighed. "I don't know how much longer my daughter is going to believe you have a lot of friends you like having sleep overs with." "I do have a lot of friends," Mark smirked. "A lot of sexy friends." "Which Hannah does not need to hear about. You know once she figures out what you really do it's going to be bad." "She's five, Shep. She's not going to figure it out any time soon." "And when she does?" "How's she gonna figure it out? It's not a lie. I do have sleepovers. I do have a lot of friends." "They're not friends, Mark." "Fuck buddy, friend, same difference." "You're an idiot." "You can't call your daughter's godfather an idiot," Mark rolled his eyes. "Hannah banana, where's the brush? I've got a rhinoplasty in an hour and a half!" "What's a rhinopasty?" Hannah asked, bounding down the stairs. "I fix people's noses," Mark grinned. "When they look like your daddy's." "Daddy's nose is funny," Hannah nodded. "Yeah I know," Mark sighed. "I want to fix it but he won't let me." "I like my nose," Derek laughed. "It's funny, Daddy," Hannah giggled as she handed Mark the brush. "You like it," Derek smirked. "Thank god you didn't get your daddy's nose, Hannah banana," Mark sighed as he ran through the brush through her dark curls. "I'd let you fix it, Uncle Monkey," Hannah giggled. "And that's why you're my favorite niece," he laughed, tickling her. "I know," she laughed. "Sit still," Mark said, taking his hands away as he brushed her hair. "So, Shep, you gonna get with your dirty intern?" "I don't know," Derek sighed. "She kind of freaked when I told her who I was." "She probably wasn't expecting you'd be that ugly." "No, it was more of a oh crap I was flirting with my boss freaking out." "Crap," Hannah giggled. "Hannah, don't use that word," Derek said quickly. "But you did, Daddy." "Yes...and I shouldn't have" Derek sighed. "Say sorry, Daddy." "Sorry...and no repeating it." "I won't," she nodded. "Promise." "Good," Derek grinned. "Give her some special treatment," Mark grinned widely. "She'll do you after you give her a kick a...butt surgery." "I'm not giving her special treatment so...she'll be my friend." "You need a friend, Shep." "Maybe but I'm not manipulating her into it." "You make it sound so dirty," Mark chuckled and then kissed the top of Hannah's head. "All done, princess." "Tank you," Hannah nodded. "You're welcome," Mark grinned. "I have to go to work. What do I have to do, princess?" "A rhinopasty." "That's right," he nodded, kissing her cheek. "I'll come eat lunch with you, okay?" "Okay," she nodded. "Did Daddy make you pea butter and banas too?" "Nope," Mark shook his head sadly. "Your daddy won't make me food. But I'll bring a salad." "Okay," she nodded. "I'll share my pudding with you." "Thanks, Hannah," he grinned, kissing her head again before turning to Derek. "I'll see you later, Shep. And remember, these interns will do anything for surgery. And I do mean anything." He grinned lewdly before turning and walking out of the kitchen. "Are you ready to go, Hannah?" Derek asked. "Yep," she nodded as she took her purple ballerina lunch box from him. "Are you gonna be a doctor stead of a daddy for a long time, Daddy?" "Not for a long time," Derek shook his head. "I'm done at seven." "How many is that?" "That's twelve hours." "Wow," Hannah sighed as he helped her with her jacket. "Do you gotta do rhinopasty too?' "Nope, I fix brains, remember?" "So a brainpasty?" "Not brainpasty," Derek laughed. "I do...really big things like hemispherectomies." "Hemis...hemistomies." "Close enough," he grinned. "And no parties today?" she asked, following him out to the car. "No parties," he shook his head. "We can have some time before you go to bed tonight." "Good," she grinned widely. "Does Uncle Monkey have a sleepover?" "I don't know," Derek sighed. "How come I can't go to Uncle Monkey's sleepovers, Daddy?" "Because they're just for him and his friends." "Oh, okay," she nodded as he buckled her seatbelt. "Can we have special Hannah and Daddy time after you do hemistomies?" "We definitely can," Derek smiled. "What do you want to do?" "Fishing." "It will be too late to go fishing, hun." "Oh," she sighed. "Card fishing, Daddy!" "We can go card fishing," Derek laughed. "And I have Saturday off. That's two days from now. We can go fishing then." "Just you and me, Daddy?" "Just me and you." "Yay!" she clapped her hands excitedly before lowering her voice to talk quietly to her stuffed ballerina monkey. "Very yay," Derek laughed. "Daddy's the bestest daddy ever, Nanners," Hannah grinned to her monkey. "I am?" Derek breathed. "Course, Daddy. I don't get no other daddies." "I know you don't," he sighed. "You're the bestest daughter ever." "You don't got no other daughters, Daddy," she giggled. "Still, you're the bestest." "I know, Daddy." "Of course you do," Derek laughed. "Love you, Daddy," she smiled widely, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror. "Love you too, Hannah Banana," Derek smiled. "Love you mostest." "Love you infinity." "Love you lots finity." "Well I don't think I can top that." "I wins!" Hannah clapped her hands as Derek's pager went off. "Oh, oh, Daddy." "Oh oh is right," he frowned. "You have to move quickly when we get there, okay?" "Gotta find Lynn real fast," she nodded. "Exactly," Derek nodded. "And we won't have a lot of time to say goodbye but I'll come see you when I get the chance." "Kay," she sighed. "Bye bye, Daddy." "We're not there yet, goof," Derek laughed. "I know, I'm say it now cause I gotta find Lynn real fast." "You can say it when we find Lynn," he sighed. "Kay, Daddy." "Good," he nodded, as he pulled into the hospital. "Now we're here." "Now I gotta find Lynn real fast." "We have to find Lynn real fast." He unbuckled her quickly and grabbed her backpack as well as her lunchbox before carrying her into the hospital and to the daycare. "Lynn!" she exclaimed the second they walked in. "Hey Hannah! Hey Dr. Shepherd!" Lynn greeted warmly. "Hi, Lynn!" Hannah grinned and then kissed Derek on the cheek. "Bye bye, Daddy. Love mostest and lots of finity." "Love you too," Derek laughed, turning to Lynn. "Emergency so I have to run. Page me or Mark if she needs anything." "No problem, Dr. Shepherd," Lynn grinned. "Come on, Hannah. I have the play doh already set up." "Cool," Hannah smiled. "Bye, Dr. Shepherd," Lynn nodded to Derek as she led Hannah to the playdoh table. Derek watched for a second before quickly turning around to head toward his office. He hated leaving in a rush. He hated leaving period. But during the summer months it was the only way this could work. And Hannah loved day care so it was okay. It was fine. He had an emergency to take care of. And interns to meet, interns with enchanting eyes and a magical giggle. I'm wild again, beguiled again A simpering, whimpering child again Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I Disclaimer: Today is Grey's Day! If we owned Grey's every day would be Grey's day. Well maybe not for you because it would be hard to make that many episodes...but for us every day would be Grey's Day. Meredith tried to stifle a yawn. Yawning in the middle of the Nazi's lecture would probably be very very bad and may leave her on scut for the rest of her internshp. So no yawning. It wasn't her fault she hadn't slept much the night before. It was that stupid dreamy neurosurgeon who she had hit on. She had hit on her entirely sexy boss. That's why she didn't sleep. And now she was tired and trying not to yawn. She had a feeling yawning was not allowed. Definitely not allowed. She couldn't yawn now and she couldn't yawn forty-seven hours from now. She hid her yawn behind her hand and watched as the Nazi walked in front of them, handing out rules like there was no tomorrow. She had thought the Nazi would be...Nazi-like. Instead, it was this short squat woman who, at first glance, looked really nice. Except for she had a very long list of rules, or well five which wasn't that long but somehow she made them sound a lot longer. And something about how she spoke of the rules gave Meredith the feeling that if she dared to break one it would be her last act. The quiet guy from the mixer and the Barbie look alike were looking terrified just listening to it all. Which might be better than exhausted. She was pissed that she was this tired. She shouldn't be. Hung over, fine. The tequila hadn't been the best idea. But not exhausted. Not having spent most of the night tossing and turning in bed, wondering if she was going to see him again. Because she wanted to see him again. She definitely wanted to see him again. And then it would hit her that she was thinking about her boss and she would start to wonder if he thought she was entirely and completely insane. Which would of course lead to her deciding that she certainly had to think about something else so she'd try to think about today. The big life changing day she had been working toward for years. Which would of course cycle back to him and by the time six came around she was pretty sure she had maybe stolen two hours of sleep. Which was incredibly bad as she had so many more hours to go. So she was definitely screwed. Completely and totally screwed. Susan had called her and tried to tell her that everything was going to be fine, and she really had no idea how to tell her that nothing was going to be fine because she had hit on her boss. Which still blew her mind. She had hit on her boss. This was not how internship was supposed to start. She was not supposed to start it off completely screwed. "Grey, you're with Shepherd," Bailey's voice suddenly caught her attention. "You'll know him from his overly moused hair and the stupid ass smile he's sporting today." "Sh---shepherd?" Meredith stammered. She was with sexy guy with amazing eyes? Her boss. He was her boss. God hated her. Really hated her. "That's what I said, isn't it?" "Um...yes, Dr. Bailey," Meredith nodded. "Is he...where do I find him?" "He should be headed to Room 4699 but you never know with that man. Have Debbie page him if you can't find him." "Right, 4699," Meredith nodded, writing it down on her pad. "Dr. Shepherd." "Why are you still standing here?" "Sorry, Dr. Bailey," they all said and went off in separate directions, Meredith heading towards room 4699. Not good. This was not good. She had been hoping to avoid him for a little bit. Well, actually, she had been hoping to see him too. She had been hoping to avoid him and see him which actually didn't make any sense so she'd go with hoping to avoid him. And now she had to see him. See him a lot. Probably be stuck seeing him until his shift, which was probably a lot shorter than 48 hours was done and he went home. She wouldn't have to only see him but she would have to talk to him and if last night was any indication he didn't seem so good with getting the whole boss and intern relationship. Or lack there of. Maybe he had been drinking. Maybe he wouldn't flirt now. He probably wouldn't. Because there were lives to save and doctoring to do and surgeries to perform. Well, watch in her case. So he probably wouldn't flirt. There was no way he'd flirt. And she wouldn't flirt. And she definitely wouldn't think about sleeping with him. Because that was bad. "Dr. Shepherd?" she asked, walking into the room. "Yes," he nodded, turning around, a smile immediately appearing on his face. "Dr. Grey." "Yeah," she sighed. "I'm um...Dr. Bailey said I was with you today. So...I'm here. With you." "You are," he nodded, the smirk from the night before returning. The smirk was hot. Really, really hot. But this couldn't happen this way. She couldn't notice this. He was her boss. So no noticing allowed. "Um...is there...what case...?" "Katie Bryce. She's having seizures and there's no visible cause. All her tests and scans have come back clean and she's not responding to meds." "Oh," Meredith nodded. "What can I help you with?" "At the moment...figuring out what the hell it is would be great help," he sighed. "Seriously?" Meredith grinned, moving towards him to look at Katie's charts in his hands. "Medical history?" "Nothing suspicious," Derek shrugged. "Any falls or...aneurysm?" "No falls mentioned in her history," he sighed. "And the scans are clean." "Okay," she sighed. "I'll um...I'll see what I can do." "If you figure this out...it would be kind of amazing," he smiled. "I'll try, Dr. Shepherd," she nodded, trying not to meet his eyes. Because when she looked in his eyes, her mind went to bad places and...not good. She definitely couldn't look in his eyes. "Anything else?" "When did you manage to escape last night?" "What?" "The mixer...when did you escape?" "Oh, um..." Meredith bit her lip. "Not long after...maybe thirty minutes after you left." "I'm impressed," he nodded. "Get to the bar?" "Uh...yes," she nodded. This was...why he was even asking? It probably wasn't helping. He probably thought she was a drunken slut trying to sleep with her boss. Definitely not good. "Sorry I missed out on that part of the night," he sighed, smiling at her with that damn twinkle in his eyes. "Dr. Shepherd," she sighed, moving to leave the room. "Last night it was Derek," he laughed. "Well no...but it was supposed to be." "Dr. Shepherd," she shook her head. "We should...last night was...whatever it was didn't happen. Because I didn't know...and I'm your intern. And you're an attending." "Yes," he nodded. "Which means you can't...you're Dr. Shepherd. And I'm Dr. Grey." "Okay, Dr. Grey," he nodded, his tiny smile playing around his lips again. "Stop looking at me like that," she hissed. "Like what?" "Like...like you want to see me naked," she cringed, looking around the hallway quickly. Maybe she was reading this wrong. She was probably reading this wrong and he was going to tell Bailey that she was inappropriate and a terrible intern. Crap. She was so screwed. "I definitely haven't seen you naked," he sighed. "Which is...well I'm more of a take them out to dinner first kind of guy." "That's nice, but you're not taking me out to dinner. Ever." "I could take you out to dinner." "No you couldn't." "Why couldn't I take you out to dinner?" he asked, frowning slightly. "We've been through this," she groaned. "Intern. Attending." "We could still go out for dinner...an attending trying to get to know his interns." "Oh, is that a common practice?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Do you take all the interns out for dinner every year, Dr. Shepherd?" "No," he laughed. "Then we're definitely not going out for dinner." "Even if we solve this case? Because if we solve this case I definitely think it calls for a celebratory dinner." "Dr. Shepherd!" Meredith gasped. This guy was...he was completely inappropriate and persistant and bad. This was bad. Even if she wanted to say yes. It was bad. "This is inappropriate. Did that ever occur to you?"



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 11:57 AM Post #2
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Fine," he sighed dramatically, still smirking at her. "Fine," she nodded. "Now I'm going to...figure out this case. And then...and then I'm going to do other intern-y stuff. Whatever interns do. Run labs and...stuff. And we are not going to go out to dinner. Ever." "You say that now," he nodded. "I say that always," she sighed. "Is there anything work-related I can do for you, Dr. Shepherd?" "Take Katie for an MRI. I want another one to make sure we didn't miss anything on the first," he sighed. "MRI," Meredith nodded. "I can do that." "It's what interns do...for attendings." "And that's all interns do for attendings," she said firmly, turning to go back into the patient's room. "Page me when you're done with that, Dr. Grey," he called after her, still laughing softly. He was impossible. Derek Shepherd was impossible. Hot. Incredibly sexy. But impossible. He was definitely flirting. Definitely asking her out to dinner. Which was...that was bad. That had to be bad. She was an intern. He was an attending. Her teacher. And her teacher's teacher. She definitely couldn't go out to dinner with him. No matter how much she wanted to. He would give up eventually. He had. He was...persistant but eventually he'd figure out the fact she was his intern and that it couldn't happen and give up. Because it couldn't happen. In another time and place it could and it would be hot and long and probably would happen numerous times but he was her boss. So she couldn't want to go out for dinner with him. She didn't do dinner. Dinner was generally bad. It was almost worse than mixers. Small talk was involved a lot in dinner, unless of course, he was talking about the other kind of dinner. The kind of dinner she liked that happened a lot and involved bedrooms and beds and...the point was, she didn't do dinner. Not the kind of dinner he was talking about. So he would give up. And she would just be his intern, his intern that solved this case. Because he was flirting and she wasn't exactly sure he took her seriously. He probably just thought she'd be nothing more than an easy lay or something and she needed to do something to make him stop flirting. She figured solving his case before he did would do that. Put the man in his spot or something. She listened to her patient go on and on about beauty pageants and rhythmic gymnastics and falling and hurting her ankle or something and seriously considered telling Dr. Shepherd it didn't matter if this girl died, she was a waste of time and space. But that was probably bad. Really, really bad. And that definitely wouldn't make him take her seriously at all. Though he might smirk again. The smirk was nice. She wasn't going to think about the smirk though. Because the smirk made her want to do things to him, with him, all kinds of amazingly great dirty thing that one definitely didn't do with ones boss. So thinking of the entirely sexy smirk was out of the question. She'd think of...something that had nothing to do with him because somehow he managed to make everything entirely sexy. So definitely no thinking about his sexy smirk or his amazing eyes or...she had to stop thinking about him. Right now. No more thinking. Time to be an intern. She was an intern and she had to get her patient an MRI. Because her patient was dying and dying was bad. So she had to definitely stop thinking about Derek and start thinking about impressing Dr. Shepherd. "Grey, right?" a voice beside her suddenly cut into her thoughts. "Yeah," Meredith nodded, turning to look at the Asian woman next to her. "Yang?" "Yeah," the other intern nodded. "Did you get something good? I'll kill if you got something good." "If you want to call a seizing beauty pageant girl good," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Better than doing Sloan's chores," Yang groaned.. "Sloan?" Meredith asked, watching the computer as an image showed on the screen. "Plastics god. Also known as a complete ass." "He has you on scut?" "He has me fetching his dry cleaning." "Seriously?" Meredith groaned. "Ass." "You're with Shepherd, right?" "Yeah," Meredith groaned. "What's with the groan? I'd kill to work with him. At least you're doing something." "He's just...it's nothing," Meredith shook her head. "So I've got this girl. And she's annoying as hell and I'm supposed to figure out why she's seizing. And if I don't, she dies." "What's showing up in her scans?" "Absolutely nothing," Meredith sighed. "That's the weird thing. And nothing in her medical history. At all." "So she's screwed." "Basically. Get this...she competes in beauty pageants. Guess what her talent is." "They have a talent?" "Rhythmic gymnastics," Meredith giggled. "What is that? I can't even say it." "Isn't it something with a ball?" Cristina laughed. "I have..." Meredith paused. "Holy crap." "What?" "I just...I think...I have to find Dr. Shepherd," Meredith sighed, standing up quickly. She had it figured out. Maybe. She hoped she did anyway. Because if they could fix Katie Bryce then she wouldn't have to sit and listen to her talk about beauty pageants and crap. And Dr. Shepherd would take her seriously and stop flirting and stop asking her to dinner. Which would be good. I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels To be trotting along at the genius's heels Disclaimer: Tonight may very well prove we do own Grey's Anatomy. As Meredith and Derek apparently stayed up all night doing the horizontal mamba...and well you now we love making them do that. Of course we'd show it. Which probably proves we don't own the show. Derek sighed as he scrubbed out, moving his neck from side to side to work out any kinks as he looked up at the clock. Twenty to seven and his day wasn't done yet. It had been a long day, a long surgery, and he had hardly had any time to stop and breathe, much less go visit his five year old daughter in daycare. But he loved this. He loved the long surgeries, he loved being able to save a life. He loved driving his new intern entirely insane. Because Meredith Grey made insane look almost too adorable for words. And he was definitely getting to her. He knew it was wrong, he knew she was his intern. His entirely amazing intern that had solved a case that had left him stumped on her first day. Which was impressive, completely impressive. Tied in with the giggle and she was quite the package. He hadn't expected her to actually solve the case. He never knew what to expect from interns on their first days; they were usually too nervous and too confused to do much of anything. But Meredith Grey...she had walked up to him and solved a case, completely solved it and then had stood beside him in surgery. He hadn't been expecting that. She was cute, she was hot, but he hadn't been expecting the rest of the package that was most certainly his new intern. He had told her last night that she was going to kick ass, because he remembered the night before his first day as an intern and he had most definitely needed someone to tell him that. But he hadn't believed it at all. Of course at the time he had had no clue that she was going to be his intern for the day. Not that he was complaining. There was nothing to complain about with Meredith following him around all day. She had a flowery smell about her, and she rambled when he flirted with her, which he found entirely adorable. Every instinct told him to stop, that it wasn't appropriate, but with Meredith Grey, he just didn't care. Flirting came entirely naturally. And now so did the respect. He walked out of the scrub room with the chart in his hand, grabbing a pen as he took off his surgical cap. "That was amazing," he suddenly heard. He looked up to find Meredith sitting in a chair near the desk, her eyes shining. He knew that look all to well. She was definitely on a surgery high, and looked amazing. A small smile played across her lips as she stared at him intently, obviously waiting for some kind of reply. "Hmm..." he finally nodded. "You practice on cadavers, you observe, and you think you know what you're going to feel like standing over that table, but...that was such a high," she grinned, looking him in the eye. "I don't know why anybody ever does drugs." "Yeah," Derek breathed, nodding his head slightly as he gazed at her. Not flirting was definitely out of the question at this point. She was...something else. "Yeah," she nodded, looking down and smiling. "Yeah." "I should..." he murmured, still watching her carefully. "Want to come with me to tell the parents?" "Seriously?" she looked up, smiling widely. "Seriously," he nodded. "You're the one that figured it out, you deserve it." "Okay," she smiled, standing up from her chair. "She'll be okay, right?" "Barring any complications she'll be fine," Derek nodded. "Wow," she breathed, falling into step next to him. "Wow?" he asked. "Just...that's it," she sighed. "It's amazing and...wow." "It is pretty amazing," he nodded. "And that never really goes away." "It doesn't?" "It lessens but...no, it doesn't go away." "So right now," she said as they walked next to each other, "right now you feel...I mean, you feel like it was amazing and just...wow?" "Yeah," he nodded. "More so than usual actually since you were there." "Why?" "It's nice sharing someone's first time," he shrugged. "That sounds vaguely dirty," she giggled and then frowned. "Not that...I mean, I'm not saying, crap." "It definitely sounded vaguely dirty," he laughed. "I could share a few other things with you if you want." "Dr. Shepherd!" "That was a completely innocent comment." "Oh really?" she asked, an eyebrow up. "What completely innocent things would you share with me?" "That dinner we discussed earlier. Drinks. Anything you want." "Dinner. Drinks. Not innocent. Not when you're an attending and I'm an intern. Definitely not innocent." "Attendings are allowed to talk to interns socially." "Talk. Not take out." "It would be fun." "It's entirely inappropriate, Dr. Shepherd." "But it's fun," he shrugged, smirking at her. "Okay, seriously?" she turned to him, her hands on her hips. "Seriously? It's fun? That's great for you. Really great. But I can't be having fun with an attending. I'm probably not even supposed to be having fun at all. But definitely, definitely not with an attending. It's wrong and bad and against the rules and..." She looked around at the people watching them before grabbing his arm and leading him to an on call room. "You have to stop, Dr. Shepherd." "I...I definitely know it's wrong," he nodded. "Just...I like you." "Seriously?" she groaned. "Seriously. I have done everything for you to take me seriously and you're flirting and giving me the look and the eyes and the smirk, god the smirk and you can't...you're my boss. And my teacher. And my teacher's teacher. And you just keep flirting. And smirking and eyes…" "You like the smirking and the eyes?" he grinned. "What?" she asked and then shook her head. "Yes. No. No I don't like the smirking and the eyes. Or the perfect hair. I don't and I can't. So even if I did, which I don't, I can't. And you can't. So...no." "No?" he smirked. "No." "Hmmm..." he nodded slowly. "And for the record...even with all the flirting and the smirking…I take you seriously. I didn't expect you to actually solve this case and you did. I respect you as a surgeon." "You...oh," she bit her lip. "And I'm not going to stop flirting. I like the flirting." "It's wrong." "It is." "Which means you should probably stop." "Probably." "So...stop." "Don't want to." "I'm not going to flirt back," she said firmly, taking a step towards him. "That's fine," he nodded. "The annoyed thing works for me. Your nose scrunches up in the cutest way." "You're...this is harassment. I'm pretty sure this is harassment." "Are you actually going to report me?" "I might," she breathed as he took the smallest of steps towards her. "Really?" "May...no," she sighed. "So you don't really want me to stop?" "I...no. Yes. No. Yes, definitely stop," she nodded. "That sounded incredibly indecisive," he murmured, stepping toward her again. "Der...Dr. Shepherd," she breathed. "Meredith." "You...parents." "We should do that," he nodded. "Definitely do that," she nodded, turning to open the door. "We'll finish this conversation later, Meredith," he smiled. "Dr. Grey," she groaned. "Fine," he sighed. "We'll finish this conversation later, Dr. Grey." "Thank you, and no we won't," she said, walking out of the on call room. "There is no conversation to finish, Dr. Shepherd. It's done." "We'll see about that," he smirked as he followed close behind her. "Dr. Shepherd," she rolled her eyes. "Dr. Grey." "Didn't you say you had somewhere to be by seven?" she asked as they walked towards the parents. "I did," he nodded, looking at his watch. "Which means we have to make this really fast." "Well I think you can do it by yourself," she nodded. "You're a big boy and I'm assuming you've talked to parents before by yourself." "You're annoyed with me." "You're my boss, I don't get to be annoyed with you." "But you are." "Parents, Dr. Shepherd," she reminded him as she turned to go into the washroom. "If I were them, I wouldn't want to sit around waiting for news for my daughter while the surgeon flirts with his intern. Completely inappropriately. And wrongly. If that's even a word. I'm not even sure it is." "I don't think it is," he laughed gently. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dr. Grey. Was that professional enough for you?" "Yes," she nodded. "Good bye, Dr. Shepherd." She turned and went into the washroom, leaving him standing alone in the hallway. He should probably listen to her and stop. Stopping was definitely on the smarter side of the scale. But he liked flirting with her, he liked watching the mix of annoyance and pleasure that flashed in her eyes. And he definitely liked the rambling thing she did when he flustered her. And the nose scrunch. He should definitely stop but he was having a hell of a lot of fun. He ran his hands through his hair as he grinned widely at the fun he was having. She didn't really want him to stop, that much was obvious. She was entirely caught up in the intern and attending thing, but she wanted him. He hadn't had a ton of sex in the past five years, but he could tell when a woman wanted him. And Meredith Grey definitely wanted him. And he wanted her, in a way that made him wonder if quite possibly he had been spending too much time with Mark. Of course Mark would never go after someone that tried to fight it. And Meredith was definitely fighting it. But he'd get past that. The flash of pleasure in her eyes and the way she giggled with him made that much clear. So he could definitely work around the walls. For now though, he had to talk to parents and then go pick up Hannah from daycare for Hannah and Daddy night. And possibly Mark involved in there if he didn't have a "sleepover" to get to. Derek rolled his eyes at the thought and then moved towards Katie Bryce's parents, a smile permanently on his face as his thoughts drifted back towards Meredith Grey. If only you'd run to me If only you'd come to me If only you'd relax upon your rules And dare to be love's fool Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is on very very soon. If we owned it we probably wouldn't be watching it very soon as we'd be busy making it. Or well...hanging with Paddy. As that would be even more fun. Meredith stared at the door in front of her, wondering if she had the energy to life her hand to actually knock. She was entirely grateful that Lexie lived closer to the hospital. Lexie was smart. She was a genius for renting an apartment this close. Because she was pretty sure she couldn't have managed to drive the entire way home without crashing. 48 hours shifts were stupid. And she had to be back in eight hours. That was the stupidest part. Work forty eight hours and then be back in eight. It was...torture. The hospital was torturing her. Of course, coming to Lexie's place meant Lexie talking, but she'd deal. Not to mention, Lexie had food. Her house did not. She really needed to get on that grocery shopping thing. She leaned against the door and knocked slowly. "Meredith?" Lexie frowned as she opened the door. "You look...tired. You look really tired.: "Forty eight hour shifts suck," Meredith groaned as she moved into her half-sister's apartment. "I can imagine," Lexie laughed. "Do you need something to eat? Drink? Just sleep?" "Eat sounds good. Tequila sounds good too but I'm pretty sure if I drank I would never, ever be able to go back to the hospital again and since I have to be back in eight hours...yeah...food and sleep." "Sit down on the couch and I'll get you something," Lexie nodded firmly before disappearing into the kitchen. "This is why I like you," Meredith sighed as she fell onto the couch. "I know," Lexie called back as Meredith listened to some banging around in the kitchen before Lexie came back in carrying a sandwhich and a glass of juice. "Here." "Thanks," Meredith grinned, taking the sandwich and biting into it. "So how was it?" Lexie asked, sitting down, a huge grin on her face. "Was it entirely amazing?" "Seriously, Lexie?" Meredith groaned. "It was...hell. Complete hell. They're torturing us. Forty eight hours with labs and beauty pageant queens and stupid, stupid neurosurgeons with amazing eyes and perfect air and smirking and flirting and awesome surgeries." "Slow down...amazing eyes? Perfect hair? Flirting?" "Yes," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Stupid Derek Shepherd. With his...god he's a pain in the ass and he flirts and I'm pretty sure it's sexual harassment." "Are you going to report it?" Lexie frowned. "Well..no," Meredith shook her head. "It's not actual sexual harassment. Not really anyway. It's just...he's not touching me or anything. We almost...but no. It's just...words. And he's...he smirks and it's amazing and he's amazing and then there was the amazing surgery and he was...anyway, no, I'm not going to report it." "You like him," Lexie giggled. "What?" Meredith frowned. "No. I...I mean, not really. I did like him when I thought he was an incredibly fuckable intern instead of my extremely fuckable boss. But now he's my boss. And my teacher. And it's...wrong. Completely wrong. So no. I don't like him." "What's he like?" "He's...flirty. And kind of cocky. And amazing blue eyes, really amazing and they do this thing when he smiles like they twinkle or whatever. And he has perfect hair that just looks...he's my boss, Lexie." "Is it actually against the rules?" "Well...kind of. Not really. Just...it could kill my career." "But...how?" "How what?" Meredith frowned. "How would it kill your career?" Lexie asked. "I mean...it's not like you'd be doing it when you should be working. It's your personal life and if you like him and he likes you...this is good, Mer." "Okay, Lexie, pay attention," Meredith sighed. "Derek Shepherd. Boss. Me. Intern. Special favors and all that...not good. Definitely not good." "What if he didn't give you special favors?" "No one would believe he wasn't." "Besides, you don't do the relationship thing. You do the one time thing. One time would work." "I don't think he's the one time thing kind of guy," Meredith groaned. "And even if he was...awkward." "Oh Mer...you really like him." "What? No. No I don't. He's my boss, Lexie. And my teacher. And my teacher's teacher. And my teacher. Definitely don't like him. Definitely, definitely. Even if he does have stupid perfect hair and stupid blue eyes and stupid smirking. Definitely don't like him." "You do," Lexie nodded. "I don't." "Mer...you never talk about guys, ever. I don't think you've ever told any of us about a guy. Unless you're complaining about the one that wouldn't leave the morning after when you were in college but well...you don't talk about guys. And now...whatever his name is...you're talking about him. And you're smiling." "I'm not smiling," Meredith blushed slightly, looking down. "You're smiling," Lexie grinned. "And now you're blushing. In all the years I've known you I don't think I've seen you blush once. Over anything. Espeically not a guy. You like him." "Not talking about this anymore," Meredith sighed, finishing off her sandwich. "Definitely not talking about Derek Shepherd. Because he's my boss. And we're not going to talk about my boss." "Fine. How were the surgeries?" "I scrubbed in on one." "Oh I need details," Lexie smiled. "I fully plan on living vicariously through you." "I figured," Meredith giggled, crossing her legs on the couch. "Beauty pageant girl. She was having seizures and Der---Dr. Shepherd couldn't figure out why. Turns out she had an aneurysm from falling during practice for her talent. Which, by the way, I figured it out. Not the neuro god. Me. So he let me scrub in and it was...amazing." "You scrubbed in?" "I scrubbed in. I didn't watch either. Well, I watched. I didn't cut, but I didn't just stand agaisnt the wall...I looked at the aneurysm. I was right there." "Wow," Lexie breathed. "She lived, right?" "She lived," Meredith nodded. "And barring any complications, she'll be fine. And it was...wow. Completely amazing." "And you figured it out. But...isn't Dr. Shepherd like the best or something?" "The best in the country," Meredith nodded. "He's the neuro god and he was stumped. I figured it out." "He was still flirting with you after that?" "I thought we weren't talking about the flirting anymore." "Sorry," Lexie nodded quickly. "Just...you kicked the best neuro guy in the country's butt." "Yeah," Meredith sighed. "He said he respected me as a surgeon or whatever." "When did he tell you that?" "After the surgery. After I kind of freaked out on him in an on call room." "You took him to an on call room?" "Not for sex or anything. Just...to yell at him about flirting." "Oh...you rambled didn't you?" "I...not...maybe," Meredith sighed. "He probably thinks you're insane," Lexie sighed. "You make my rambling look normal." "I do not," Meredith frowned. "And it wasn't really rambling so much as angry whatever. I was angry and I was yelling at him and I might have spoken in really short choppy sentences but it definitely wasn't rambling. Even though I may have mentioned his smirk and his eyes and...but it wasn't rambling. Definitely not rambling. It was...and then we almost kissed which was...whatever." "You nearly kissed him?" "Um...kind of. Sort of. I don't know. I took a step and then he took steps and we were close and then I said we had to go to tell the parents because we did and kissing would have been...bad." "Except for you definitely wanted to kiss him," Lexie smiled knowingly. "I did not want to kiss him," Meredith said firmly. "I just...I don't know. He was there and flirting and smirking and eyes and...I did not want to kiss him." "What are you going to do about him? You can't avoid him for the rest of your career, can you?" "I'm not going to avoid him," Meredith shook her head. "I'm just...not going to be alone with him. And not going to flirt." "What if he flirts?" "I...I don't know," Meredith bit her lip. "Because he definitely...he likes me or whatever. Something like that. He likes me and he likes flirting and he asked me if I wanted him to start and I...I don't know. So...he's going to flirt. But I won't flirt. No flirting." "Well you should at least enjoy it," Lexie sighed. "If I enjoy it, he'll think I want him to do it." "And you don't?" "Yes...no. No, I don't want him to do it." "You said yes first." "That was an accident." "No it wasn't. You like the flirting. If you didn't like the flirting you'd be calling him and ass and trying like hell to stay away from him, not dragging him into on call rooms." "Okay, I dragged him into the on call room to tell him to stop flirting and I figured yelling at my boss in front of the entire hospital was bad. Like, really bad. I didn't drag hiim in there to have sex or anything. Or kiss him. Just to yell at him. And he is an ass. He's all persistant and...ass-like. Or something. Either way, accident that I said yes. I want the flirting to stop." "No you don't." "You're annoying sometimes, you know that?" Meredith sighed, falling back onto the couch. "Because I'm right," Lexie laughed. "If you wanted him to stop you wouldn't be all flustered and Meredithy." "Meredithy?" "With the rambling and not making much sense and contradicting yourself." "Yeah...well..." Meredith groaned. "We're not talking about him anymore.' "Okay," Lexie nodded, still smiling. "Stop smiling." "I can smile if I want." "You're smiling like you know something. I hate that smile." "I don't know anything." "Good. Then stop smiling. And don't tell your mom." "My lips are sealed...for now." "For now?" "Well if this keeps progressing it will become too good not to tell." "It's not going to progress." "Of course not." "It's not," Meredith said firmly. "So no telling your mom. And definitely don't tell Molly. Because she will tell your mom." "I won't tell anyone," Lexie sighed. "Though I may stop by to see your sexy neurosurgeon." "Hands off, Lexie." "Possesive?" "No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "He's like...forty. And you're like...young. So hands off." "Relax Mer," Lexie laughed. "I'm just going to give him some dirt on you in exchange for him letting me watch some surgeries from the gallery." "Dirt...you don't have dirt on me." "I so have dirt on you." "Like what?" "I can't actually tell you that," Lexie pointed out. "But there's pictures too." "Okay...that party does not count as dirt," Meredith said firmly. "And you can't give my boss dirt. He's my boss. My boss, Lexie. No dirt." "I may have too," Lexie giggled. "Besides I'm your little sister. It's my job to give the guy that likes you dirt." "Not if the guy who likes me is my boss." "Details." "Big details. Really, really big details. And you're not giving dirt. I'll tell security at Grace not to let you in." "I'll sweet talk them." "That dopey, wide-eyed look doesn't work if they think you're a serial killer or something." "You'd tell them I was a serial killer? What if I actually had a medical emergency...you'd risk me dying." "There are other hospitals, Lexie." "Still..." Lexie shook her head. "That's just mean Mer." "I'm your big sister," Meredith shrugged. "I'm supposed to be mean." "True," Lexie sighed. "You should get some sleep." "Probably," Meredith groaned. "I'm crashing here." "Figured that...what time do you go back in at?" "I have seven hours." "I won't be needing the bed so you can use it," Lexie offered. "You're amazing," Meredith sighed, moving off the couch. "And I'll get you a key so you can use this place whenever you need to." "Thanks," Meredith sighed "I'm thinking about selling the house." "Really?" Lexie frowned. "Either that or getting room mates." "Do the roommate thing. That's an amazing house." "Yeah, I know," Meredith nodded, moving towards Lexie's bedroom. "It's just...people don't actually know about my mom. Well, you, Molly, and Susan. But no one else. And I'm not interested in fending off questions." "Just tell them she's traveling." "Might be a good idea. Yeah, probably room mates. I hate room mates." "You work so much it won't make a difference." "True. Do you have class?" "I have one in about an hour," Lexie sighed. "But I'll be back by the time you leave." "Good, wake me up in six and a half hours." "I will," Lexie nodded. "And I'll have coffee waiting." "Again...you're amazing," Meredith yawned, falling onto the bed. "I know," Lexie grinned. "Talk to you later, Mer." "Bye, Lexie," Meredith mumbled, her eyes falling shut, thankful that she was too tired to really analyze why in the world Derek Shepherd's smirk was the last thing to flash through her mind before falling asleep. I'd like to see you, but then again That doesnt mean, you mean that much to me Disclaimer: Derbear is being hurt on the show right now, so we clearly don't own it. We'd never hurt Derbear...well besides that killing his best friend thing, and then killing his mom, and that heart attack, and the nasty divorce. Correction...we'd never have Meredith hurt Derbear. We also don't own the book...it is owned by the genius that is Robert Munsch. Derek smiled as Hannah burrowed underneath her purple ballerina blankets, pulling them over her head and giggling as Derek pulled them down. "I'm hiding, Daddy," she laughed, moving around underneath the blankets. "And what are you hiding from?" he asked, laughing gently as he moved to sit down on his daughter's bed. "You," she grinned widely, tucking her monkey underneath her chin. "Me? Why would you be hiding from me?" "Cause you're making me go to bed." "Because it's bed time," he smiled. "We had enough play time today." "I know," she sighed dramatically. "But Uncle Monkey said five more minutes." "What did I tell you about listening to Uncle Monkey?" "That I shouldn't do it cause he's crazy," she recited, giggling. "Exactly." "So no more minutes?" "No more minutes," Derek shook his head. "But I'll read to you before sleep if you want." "Kay!" Hannah nodded, reaching for the book on her bedside table. "Love you forever, Daddy." "It's always Love you Forever," he laughed, taking the book as he shifted in her bed, letting her curl up beside him. "It's my favorite," she nodded as she rested her head on his chest. "I know," he breathed, kissing the top of her head. "Ready?" "Ready." "Okay," Derek nodded as he flipped the book open to the first page. "A father held his new baby and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and froth. And while he held her, he sang: I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be." "I wanna say it, Daddy," Hannah pouted, her hand going to turn the page. "Okay, you can say it next time," Derek grinned. "The baby grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was two years old, and she ran all around the house. She pulled all the books off the shelves. She pulled all the food out of the refigerator and she took her father's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes her father would say 'This kid is driving me crazy!' But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, he opened the door to her room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of her bed; and if she was really asleep he picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While he rocked her she he sang..." "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be," Hannah smiled, cuddling closer against Derek's chest. "The little girl grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was nine years old. And she never wanted to come in for dinner, she never wanted to take a bath, and when grandma visited she always said bad words. Sometimes her father wanted to sell her to the zoo. But at night time, when she was asleep, the father quietly opened the door to her room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If she was really asleep, he picked up that nine-year old girl and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he rocked her, he sang..." "I'll love you 'ever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my...my baby you'll be," Hannah yawned, her eyes starting to fall shut. "The girl grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was a teenager. She had strange friends and she wore strange clothes and she listened to strange music. Sometimes the father felt like he was in a zoo. But at night time, when the teenager was asleep, the father opened the door to her room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If she was really asleep he picked up that great big girl and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While he rocked her he sang..." "Love you ever," Hannah mumbled. "Long living, baby you'll be." Derek laughed gently as he turned the page again. "That teenager grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was a grown-up woman. She left home and got a house across town. But sometimes on dark night the father got into his car and drove across town. If all the lights in his daughter's house were out, he opened her bedroom window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of the bed. If that great big woman was really asleep he picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he rocked her, he sang..." "Love ever," Hannah whispered. Derek smiled and flipped a couple of pages ahead, hoping she was too out of it to notice the jump. "When the daughter came home that night, she stood for a long time at the top of the stairs. Then she went into the room her very new baby daughter was sleeping. She picked her up in her arms and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked her, she sang...I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." "Daddy," Hannah murmured, her eyes opening sleepily. "You skipped." "I did," he whispered. "Just a few pages. Go to sleep." "Not sleepy," she yawned, throwing her arm across his stomach as she buried her face in his sweater. "Definitely sleepy," he murmured. "Want me to stay here till you fall asleep?" "Yeah," she nodded. "I love you, Hannah Banana." "Love you too, Daddy." "Night," he whispered, kissing the top her head. "Night," she whispered, turning to lay on her stomach, her ballerina monkey clutched tightly in her hands. He sat for a few more minutes, running his fingers through her hair as her breath slowed and a tiny snore escaped. Tonight had been an easy night. Most nights were easy but the few hard ones made him grateful for any easy one. He slippped out of the bed, kissing her cheek gently and headed downstairs where Mark was sprawled on the couch. "She's out," Derek sighed. "Figured she would be," Mark nodded. "There's only so many times a kid can do crazy ballet shit without knocking herself out." "You do know my daughter, right?" Derek laughed, falling into a chair. "You have a point," Mark chuckled, muting the TV. "I blame Mom." "Really? I blame you most of the time." "Why the hell are you blaming me?" "You give her enough sugar to feed a small country." "She's a kid, Shep. Kids like sugar." "I know. But it also makes them hyper." "Yeah, yeah. Some thanks I get for dropping my life to help you raise the rugrat." "You can move out whenever you want." "I'm looking for apartments," Mark nodded. "You've been looking for apartments for the past four years." "Not my fault they're all shit." "How many have you actually looked at?" "In the past four years?" "Yes." "Dunno," Mark shrugged. "Market's been crap, man." "Sure," Derek sighed and then smiled. "Meredith nearly kissed me." "What?" Mark sat up quickly. "Meredith Grey nearly kissed me. If you said that to her she'd deny it till she was blue in the face but she definitely nearly kissed me." "Yeah I got that. Which one's Meredith? The hot OB nurse?" "No, the intern I was talking to at the mixer." "Oh," Mark nodded. "Speaking of hot OBs...did you check out the new one? Montgomery? She's got killer legs." "Can't say I got a chance," Derek shook his head. "She's from New York," Mark stated. "God those legs..." "I tell you I nearly got kissed and you'd rather talk about some OB's legs?" "You didn't see these legs, Shep." "Stop drooling." "Mark Sloan doesn't drool." "Sure you don't." "I'm definitely asking her for a drink," Mark grinned lewdly. "Great," Derek groaned. "Now can we talk about me for five seconds?" "Five seconds?" Mark asked, looking at his watch. "Go ahead, Shep." "Meredith nearly kissed me." "Hot intern, right?" "Yes, hot intern. We established this five minutes ago, Mark." "Sorry. Other things on my mind." "Somehow I'm not surprised." "So Grey almost kissed you." "She pulled me into an on call room to yell at me about my inappropriate behaviour and we were...definitely close to kissing." "And why wasn't there kissing? Or sex for that matter. On call rooms are for sex." "Because I'm an attending and she's an intern." "Not following." "Yeah neither am I," Derek sighed. "But that's what she keeps saying." "I thought it was basically a rite of passage," Mark shrugged. "Intern sleeps with an attending. Happens all the time." Want to tell her that?" Derek groaned. "I get her point, I do. It's probably not a good idea to get involved with me, I'm her boss. And the flirting is definitely entirely inappropriate but she's...I like flirting with her." "So flirt with her." "I am. And it leads to her being very annoyed. It's cute." "Cute, Shep?" Mark winced. "Hannah's cute. Interns you want to fuck are not supposed to be cute." "Well...I don't know if I just want to fuck her." "Woah, woah. You're interested?" "Yeah, I'm interested." "So it's more than just fucking her in an on call room as a rite of passage. You're thinking dates." "I'm thinking dates. She's pretty great." "Pretty great," Mark snorted. "Next you'll say she's swell." "Don't be an idiot." "Shep, I get you like her. But she's an intern. Which basically translates to idiot." "She solved my case for me today." "Okay, so she's not an idiot. You might be. But she's not." "The girl was having grand mal seizures. Her scans were clean, the meds weren't working...and an intern on her first day figured it out." "Again. Means you're an idiot. Where'd you get your degree from again?" "Exact same school that gave you one." "Great school," Mark smirked. "So you want to date your intern. Are we talking serious dating here or couple drinks, maybe dinner, and then sex back at her place?" "I don't know," Derek sighed. "I just...maybe serious." "Meeting Hannah serious?" "Maybe," Derek shrugged. "She won't even go out to dinner with me so I don't know. But my gut...yeah, meeting Hannah serious." "That's pretty damn serious, Derek." "I know." "Too bad she won't date you."



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 11:59 AM Post #3
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"I'm glad you're so sympathetic." "I'm just saying, Shep," Mark sighed, "it's not always worth the fight." "I know," Derek nodded. "But Meredith...I want to fight." "It's probably going to piss her off," Mark smirked. "It does. Her nose gets all scrunched up and her eyes get all flashy. And she rambles." "She sounds perfect for you." "That makes her perfect for me?" "Yeah," Mark shrugged. "At least the pissing off will lead to some hot sex. Been awhile since you had that." "I hope it leads to hot sex." "So you do want to fuck her." "I never said I didn't," Derek pointed out. "I just thought if you were planning white picket fences and lots of kids with her you weren't thinking of fucking her brains out." "A...I'm not planning white picket fences quite yet. B...even if I was that doesn't exclude fucking her brains out." "Impressive," Mark grinned. "What's impressive?" "Just thought you had lost your balls. Been, what? Six months since you got some?" "Yeah," Derek sighed. "Pathetic." "I have a daughter." "Yeah, yeah. That's your get out of jail free card," Mark rolled his eyes. "So you're going to fuck Grey's brains out if she gives you half the chance?" "I'm going to date her if she gives me half the chance." "Good for you," Mark nodded, getting up off the couch. "It's about damn time. Now, I, on the other hand, don't need to wait for half a chance. Got another sleepover with Lynn." "Another one?" Derek raised an eyebrow. "She does yoga, Shep. Another sleepover is necessary." "Too much information." "Yeah, yeah. I'll be back before Hannah gets up tomorrow." "Good. Saves me the explanation." "See you later, Shep," Mark nodded, grabbing his leather jacket and his keys. "See you, Mark," Derek sighed. "And don't get all mopey about Grey, she'll give in sooner or later," Mark grinned, walking out of the house. He wasn't going to get mopey about Grey. He barely knew Grey. She was just the entirely hot intern that he had happened to flirt with at the mixer and then had been his the first day. She was fun to flirt with, a lot of fun. And he figured if she ever said yes to dinner she'd be hell of a lot of fun to talk to across the table. The other stuff he wasn't even going to think about but it would be fun. He wasn't sure what it was about her that made him want her so bad. He had had dates over the past four years. Dates and sex, but never anything really serious. Never anyone he could imagine Hannah meeting or liking, and definitely no one he could imagine bringing into his life. But there was something about Grey. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on that made him want her in every aspect of his life. But there was something about you I want you to know It brought a change over me It’s startin to show I’ve got this feelin inside Gotta have ya, have ya, ain’t no good to hide Disclaimer: Alicia got her new Grey’s stuff in the mail so now Alicia owns 5 Grey’s tshirts and a Grey’s coffee mug. Katie owns 2 Grey’s tshirts. And yet we still don’t own the show. Why can’t you buy it on the online store? Why? Derek Shepherd loved Miranda Bailey. Not love love and he was never actually say that to her as he was quite certain telling her that would lead to his iminent death, but he loved her. He really did. Because somehow the gods, or Bailey who probably thought she was god, had smiled at him and Meredith Grey was his intern again. Yet again he was stuck with Meredith all day. It had made his day when she had bounded up to him, saying she was with him. He had given her a quick smirk and did some light flirting, which only made her roll her eyes again and call him Dr. Shepherd. He definitely loved Miranda Bailey. Meredith made the work day bearable, she made it seem to go by much faster, or at least she had until their patient had come in. He hated dealing with rapes. He saw his fair share of them because it always seemed like the bastards felt the need to cause head injuries amongst everything else, but he hated rapes. His stomach turned just thinking of what he had to do, patching up a girl another man had injured for his own sick sexual pleasure. It was beyond wrong. Not even working with Meredith could make it better. He had been fighting the urge all day to escape and run to day care to scoop Hannah into his arms and give her a tight hug. It never ceased to amaze him how sick these bastards seemed to be, and all it did was make him think things he definitely didn't want to be thinking about. Thinking about his sisters or about Hannah, which definitely didn't help with his day or with the anger bubbling inside him. Shepherds produced girls. Growing up he had been the only boy around, well the only boy that was real family, even when cousins got together. He had more neices than he did nephews, he had his own daughter. His life was spent surrounded by women. To do something like that to one of them was disgusting and he couldn't even fathom what kind of asshole did it. Of course, it seemed like the sick bastard had gotten what was coming to him, as during surgery their cardiothoracic surgeon had removed the asshole's penis from her esophagus. Which only made him more angry. His patient was tiny, but she had fought back, hard and angry. And now she was in a coma she might never wake up from, and entirely alone. His day was not going well. "Hey," he sighed, walking up behind Meredith and dropping the chart on the desk beside her. "Hey," she nodded, looking more than slightly distracted as she eyed the cooler next to her. "Police haven't come for the penis yet?" he asked. "Nope," she groaned. "The crap crime scene guy can't come until morning." "Ouch," he winced. "Yep, so I'm spending the night with a penis," she nodded and then winced. "That was bad. And you have to leave it alone. Even Karev left it alone when I said it." "That is slightly easy," he laughed. "The line...if you wanted to spend the night with a penis you could have just asked comes to mind." "Dr. Shepherd," she groaned, turning to face him. "Inappropriate." "So you keep telling me," he smirked. "Because it's true." "Maybe," he sighed. "But so it repeatedly saying no to a guy you clearly want to have dinner with." "What makes you think I want to have dinner with you?" "Your eyes." "Excuse me?" "Your mouth says no, your mouth says no a lot along with a whole bunch of other things, usually all in one breath. But your eyes...you want to go out with me." "Does that stuff usually work for you?" she asked before grabbing the cooler and turning to walk away from him. "I don't actually use it that often," he frowned as he began to follow her. "Is it working?" "Definitely not." "That's just sad..." he sighed. "We could have fun, you know?" "Separately," she nodded. "We could have separate fun. You have fun somewhere. I have fun somewhere. No fun together." "I've had separate fun from you before. I want together fun." "Well you can't always get what you want," she sighed. "And we're definitely not having together fun." "Why not?" "Seriously? Seriously. Have you not been listening to a word I've said?" "I've listened but...it wouldn't be the first time an attending and an intern had a little fun." "Oh, now I get it. You do this every year, don't you? Choose an intern to have some together fun with which makes you feel like a big man or whatever." "No," Derek shook his head quickly. "I definitely don't do this every year. I've never actually had fun with an intern before." "Then you should keep it that way." "But I don't want to." "What? Are you five?" "No," he laughed. "Just...I like you. I told you that. And I meant it." Meredith paused to look at him for a second, before shaking her head. "I'm not going out with you." "You keep saying that," he smirked. "You're my boss, Der---Dr. Shepherd," she sighed. "I don't see how that's a problem. It's our personal life, Meredith. You'd still be Dr. Grey at work." "Dr. Grey," she sighed. "Not Meredith. Dr. Grey. And it is a problem. It's a huge problem. And it's not our anything. It's my personal life. And it's my career." "And you think dating me would hurt your career." "It would definitely hurt my career," she groaned. "I have things to prove. I'm an intern. Sleeping with an attending? Not the way to prove things." "No one would actually have to know," Derek pointed out. "Oh? So we're going to have a secret affair? So that when people do find out then we're screwed? And then I'm the slut sleeping with an attending." "You wouldn't be the slut sleeping with the attending," he said quietly. "That's not what I want out of this." She stepped back from him, a frown on her face before turning to walk away. "You can't do this," she hissed. "You definitely can't do this." "What can't I do?" he asked as he continued to follow her. "This...whatever you're doing," she shook her head. "The flirting and the...dreaminess. You can't do that. Because you're my boss." "Dreaminess?" "Or whatever," she bit her lip, blushing slightly. "You're cute when you blush," he murmured quietly. "Dr. Shepherd!" "Just saying," he shrugged, the smirk returning. "Okay, seriously, stop," she groaned, hitting the button for the elevator. "Just...stop." "I wish I could." "What?" "I'm not actually the guy that does this," he shrugged. "When I'm told to stop I usually stop." "And you've suddenly become that guy because..." "Of you. You're...I don't know." "You're extremely cheesy." "And you're smiling." "I'm not smiling," she shook her head, stepping onto the elevator. "Definitely not smiling." "You're definitely smiling." "I'm not," Meredith groaned and then paused. "I'm not going out with you." "I know," he nodded. "Do you want to go out with me?" "I'm not dating you. You're my boss." "I'm your boss's boss." "You're my teacher! And you're my teacher's teacher. And you're my teacher." "I'm your sister, I'm your daughter." "You're sexually harassing me." "I'm riding an elevator." "Look," she sighed, "I'm drawing a line. A line is drawn. There is a big line." "So this line...is it imaginary or do I need to get you a marker?" he asked, turning around to face her. She bit her lip as she looked up at him, her eyes darkening slightly as the cooler fell out of her hands and she slammed him against the wall, taking him entirely by surprise as she kissed him deeply. Her hands moved over his hair and it took him only a minute to react, moaning slightly as he turned her. It was...it was a kiss. A kiss that was currently making him forget that he was on a public elevator at work. She opened her mouth to him and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue inside her mouth, pushing his body hard into her as their tongues mingled and her fingers found his hair. He loved her fingers in his hair. The kiss deepened in urgency as his hands traveled to her hair, pushing her head tighten into him, loving the taste and feel of her mouth. He tightened his grasp on her hair as her hands trailed over his body, both of them moaning slightly as the kiss deepened, as they both rushed to search other's bodies and mouths. The flowery smell overwhelmed him as she pushed her body against his, rubbing against his rapidly forming erection and he groaned, his hips involuntarily moving against her. And in the worst timing ever, the elevator pinged to a stop. The emergency stop button probably would have been a good idea but she was already pulling away, staring at the elevator doors as she picked the cooler back up and tried to readjust the clothes and hair that screamed that something had happened. Not enough of something but something. Emergency stop would have been genius. He reached out to grab her but she had that entirely panicked look at her eyes as she looked away from him and quickly walked out of the elevator, leaving him standing in what was now becoming a crowded elevator with an erection and swollen lips. "We'll talk later?" he called lamely after her before pulling his lab coat closer around him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "So how was your day?" Derek asked his daughter, stepping back onto the same elevator where hours before he had been kissing his intern. "Very good," Hannah nodded, grasping his hand tightly. "I showed Lynn my plie and everything and she said I was a great balleina and I told her the best balleina is Angelina Balleina and then she read to me about Angelina going to dance class and I said I go to dance class but it's summer and I can't go now but I will later. I will go later, won't I, Daddy?" "Of course you will," Derek nodded. "Good," she grinned. "And then Uncle Monkey came and he gave me ice cream cause he was sad so we had ice cream and it was really, really good. He told me not to tell you but I told him I tell you everything cause you're my daddy and if I don't tell you then I get in trouble. Don't get mad at him though, Daddy." "Why was Uncle Monkey sad?" Derek frowned. "I dunno," she shrugged. "Daddy, can we have cheeburger for supper? Please? Please?" "I don't know," Derek sighed dramatically. "Is your room clean?" "Um...maybe." "Maybe?" "It's pretend clean." "And what exactly is pretend clean?" "Pretend clean," she shrugged. "Well...we can have cheeseburgers for supper if you make your room real clean when I'm making them." "And fench fries?" "And french fries," he nodded. "But if you're room isn't clean by supper time, I'll throw it all out and you can have salad." "Ewww, Daddy!" "Clean your room and there doesn't have to be any ewww," Derek laughed. "Uncle Monkey can help you if he's home." "It will be real clean, Daddy," she nodded quickly as the elevator doors open and Miranda Bailey walked on. "Dr. Shepherd," Bailey nodded before smiling widely at Hannah. "Hannah." "Hi, Dr. Miranda," Hannah grinned. "Can I press the button?" "Of course you can," Bailey nodded. "Which one?" Hannah asked, letting go of Derek's hand. "Press the one that has a G on it." "Like me and Daddy!" Hannah giggled, pressing the button quickly. "We all get to go home finally," Bailey nodded. "Finally," Derek sighed in agreement before smiling at Bailey. "Miranda." "Oh what do you want now?" Bailey groaned. "If you even say Grey..." "I was just greeting you," Derek grinned. "It's your name isn't it? It's on your jacket." "You're lucky your daughter is on this elevator." "She gets to call you Miranda," Derek laughed, watching as Hannah shifted back and forth from foot to foot. "That's because she's cute and I like her." "And you don't like me?" Derek frowned. "I'd like you a lot more if you lay off my intern." "What?" "Oh I know what's going on," Bailey nodded. "Back off, Shepherd." "She's an intern, Mir---Bailey," Derek said quickly. "A very talented intern. There's nothing going on." "Do I have a sign that says stupid on my forehead?" "Nope," Hannah chirped. "Thank you, Hannah," Bailey nodded. "I know what goes on. I know everything that goes on, Shepherd. And I know what's going on between you and my intern. She's an intern." "There's nothing going on between me and your intern," Derek sighed, running his hands through his hair and trying to block out the memory of what had happened in this elevator just hours earlier. Remembering that would do nothing good in this situation. "Why do I not believe that?" "No idea," Derek sighed. "Why do you think there's anything going on?" "I'm not blind and I'm not dumb. I see the way you look at each other." "Small ears, Bailey," Derek warned, realizing that Hannah was looking at them both intently. "I know," Bailey sighed. "Just...she's an intern, Derek. She has enough on her plate already. And so do you." "Miranda," Derek sighed before reaching for Hannah and putting his hands over her ears, "I'm not trying to hurt her. I'm not Mark. I don't...I don't do something with somebody without thinking about how it's going to affect Hannah. Meredith is...I'm not trying to hurt her." "Than what exactly is it you're trying to do?" "I'm not entirely sure," Derek admitted. "There's just...there's something about her. I don't want it to be an affair though. She deserves better than that." "Glad you realize it," Bailey nodded. "Just...be careful. And the second I see special treatment I will see to it that you're both in a world of trouble." "I'm not trying to give her special treatment," Derek rolled his eyes. "She's good." "She is. And she's not your intern tomorrow." "I figured I couldn't get that lucky two days in a row," Derek smirked. "And no requesting her all the time." "I won't," Derek promised. "Have you told her about Hannah?" "No," Derek shrugged. "We haven't exactly gotten to that point yet. I can't just throw it out there. 'How are you today, Dr. Grey? By the way, I have a five year old daughter.' And she's...she's not exactly jumping to go out to dinner with me." "Knew there was a reason I liked her," Bailey laughed. "Daddy, my ears are hot!" Hannah whined, fidgeting. "Sorry Hannah," Derek laughed, removing his hands. "Silly Daddy," Hannah sighed, rubbing her ears. "Dr. Miranda, I gotta clean my room for real cause Daddy's gonna make me cheeburgers and fench fries. And Uncle Monkey's gonna help if he's home but he probably has more sleep overs or somethin' cause Uncle Monkey's got lots and lots of friends." "Yes, I know all about your uncle Monkey's friends," Bailey sighed. "Cheeseburgers sound yummy." "Very yummy. And fench fries. Maybe cookies but probably not cause Daddy says sugar is real bad for little girls 'fore bedtime but Uncle Monkey lets me have ice cream and cookies cause he says sugar is good but I'm not apposed to listen to Uncle Monkey cause he's crazy, Daddy says so." "They're both crazy, but your daddy is right. Sugar before bed tim is never a good idea," Bailey nodded. "Daddy, if I'm real good and I clean my room lots, can I have one cookie?" "Maybe one," Derek nodded. "Tank you, Daddy," Hannah grinned as the elevator doors opened and she grabbed Derek's hands. "Bye, Dr. Miranda!" "Bye Hannah," Bailey grinned. "Daddy say bye," Hannah giggled, pulling him along. "Bye Bailey," Derek called back. "Say bye, Dr. Miranda." "Bye Derek," Bailey laughed. "Now we gots to go home and I'm gonna clean my room," Hannah nodded as she led Derek to the car. "You are," Derek nodded. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "What's 'tern?" "Intern?" "Yeah." "It's a doctor that just finished school and is in their first year of being a doctor." "Ohhhh," Hannah nodded. "Why, Hannah?" "No reason," she shrugged, scrambling into the car. "Okay," he sighed, leaning over to buckle her in. "Dr. Miranda said intern lots." "Oh," Derek nodded. "We were just talking about a friend of mine that's an intern." "Are you gonna have sleepovers like Uncle Monkey?" "If I had sleepovers like Uncle Monkey who would tuck you into bed?" "Uncle Monkey. Or Nana." "True," Derek nodded. "But I like you better, Daddy." "I know you do," Derek laughed. "And I like tucking you in." "Because I'm the bestest," she giggled, kissing his nose. "You are the bestest," he laughed, kssing her nose in return. "Home time." "Home," she nodded. You got me falling over and over I've been drifting this side and upside down I do it all for you You know I’ll be a fool for you Disclaimer: We don't own Grey's Anatomy. If we did...well we'd be running around making it clear that new chicky isn't a new love interest for Derek. As well...people thinking that...it puts the poor woman's life on the line. As we're sure many of us would like to kill her more than we'd like to see her touch Derek. "They're everywhere, all the time. Izzie's all perky and George does this thing where he's kind and considerate," Meredith groaned as she walked into the hospital with Cristina. "They share food and they move things and they breathe. Ugh, they're like happy." "Kick them out," Cristina shrugged. "I can't kick them out," Meredith rolled her eyes. "They just moved in. I asked them to move in. I can't kick them out." "So you're just going to let it all build up in some dark place until one day it explodes and you kill them both?" "Yep," Meredith sighed. "This is why we're friends," Cristina smirked. "And to make matters worse, Derek is every where all the time too," Meredith continued. "Like, he's a ninja or something. I'm in the hallway and he's there. All the time. And it's driving me nuts. Completely nuts because he's...and we...but seriously...everywhere, all the time. Like a ninja." "Derek...as in Dr. Shepherd?" "Yes," Meredith sighed. "Dr. Shepherd. We...I met him at the mixer and I may have flirted with him before I realized he was my boss and now...he's like a five year old. I keep expecting him to throw a temper tantrum when I tell him I can't go out with him." "Shepherd wants to go out with you?" "He wants to go out with me. Or something. I don't know. He keeps flirting and smirking and he has the perfect hair and the blue eyes and...he's a great kisser." "Kisser? Do tell." "There's nothing to tell. I kissed him in the elevator. Or he kissed me. We kissed in the elevator." "You kissed McDreamy in the elevator?" "I was having a bad day." "And that's what you do on a bad day? Make out with Dr. McDreamy?" "Since when is he McDreamy?" Meredith turned to her friend as they jogged up the stairs to the locker room. "He's McDreamy...with the eyes and the hair...and apparently wanting to get in your pants." "Which isn't good," Meredith said firmly. "Definitely not good. He's my boss. And I shouldn't have kissed him." "It was a kiss, no need to get your panties in a bunch." "Yeah, it was a kiss but now he's all about being around me and flirting and smirking and talking about putting condoms in his wallet." "So screw him, you obviously want to." "I do not," Meredith groaned as she pulled her jeans down, reaching for scrub pants. "You do. Just jump him...get him out of your system or whatever." "He's my boss, Cristina." "So? I'd do Sloan if the man wasn't such an idiot. I swear he should just keep his mouth shut. He's about twenty times sexier when he's not talking." "You'd do Sloan?" Meredith turned to her friend. "Seriously? You'd have sex with your boss? It could fuck up our careers forever. He's my boss, Cristina. My boss. What do they do if they find out you're screwing your boss?" "They...it would be hell, but it's not like they'd ever find out. Take him home, fuck his brains out and move on." "He doesn't want to just have sex. It's apparently more than that," Meredith rolled her eyes as she tied her sneakers. "What the hell does that mean?" "I have no idea. I think he's one of those guys who does the happily ever after relationship thing. He seems like one of those guys." "Oh...gross. Ignore my advice. Ignore. Run." "Thank you," Meredith nodded, looking down at her beeping pager. "Pit." "Crap," Cristina sighed. "I was hoping I'd get something cool." "We're interns, we don't get cool stuff," Meredith slammed her locker door shut. "I just hope Derek's not down there. Maybe he has the day off." "Keep wishing," Cristina laughed. "I just don't get why he has to be so annoying," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Seriously. He's my boss and he's always there and he likes me or whatever." "Threaten to cut off his balls or something." "I'm considering it." "Good," Cristina nodded. "Meanwhile, I'm just going to avoid him," Meredith said firmly as they walked into the pit, both of them stopping and staring at the bleeding, wounded bicyclists being brought in. "Holy crap." "It's like candy...but with blood which is so much cooler," Cristina breathed. "Totally," Meredith breathed, looking around, grinning when she saw a guy with spikes poking out of his side. "That one's so mine." "Mine," Cristina echoed seeing an unconscious man roll by on a stretcher. "See you later," Meredith nodded to her friend before running off, a grin on her face. The day was definitely getting better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dead Baby Bike Race, it was the most insane thing he had ever heard of. As a man he had to appreciate the basic concept of it, hurtling down the mountains at insane paces for some strange competition. It made sense, at least it made kind of sense in some weird twisted way. But actually participating in it was insane. One would think they'd at least think to throw helmets on. He was always his busiest on Dead Baby Bike Race day. Today was definitely no exception. Already he had dealt with a brain dead patient, and he had just scrubbed out of a subdural hematoma, again from some idiot who hadn't thought to put on a helmet. Mark was probably having a field day though. He loved this day. It was basically an early Christmas for him. He hadn't even managed to see Meredith today. He figures she was running like mad with all the cases coming into the Pit and Yang was on the brain dead John Doe. Yang who kept looking at him in the oddest ways, which was well confusing. But he was running too much to think of it to much or to do much of anything else. It was an insane day of running around. He had wanted to stop by and see Hannah, but that defintiely wasn't happening today. He'd probably have to call his mom to come and pick her up as he seriously doubted he'd be going home anytime soon, not when there were head injuries piling up. Hannah would hate it, and she'd probably pout, but this was one time he couldn't just walk away. Not when every neuro resident and attending were swamped. He'd go check on his John Doe and then give his mom a call and make all the plans. He'd have his mom take her out for pizza or something to make up for it, which he hated doing but at least he didn't have to fall back on it too much. And Hannah did love hanging out with Nana so it would be fine for the one night. Even if it meant completely collapsing whenever he finally got home. He jogged down to the ER, rolling his eyes when he noticed Mark proudly showing off his skills with one of the bikers. The pit was a mess. A complete mess. There was blood everywhere and more and more bikers were bringing themselves in, some of them demanding to just be sutured up and then sent back out to the race. He got it. He understood competition. He just didn't get dying for it. Meredith's familiar blonde hair caught his eyes as he looked around. She was in an exam room taking care of some idiot biker. She looked all adorable, concentrating on the chart in front of her while frowning at the patient, apparently agreeing with him that these guys were all basically idiots. He probably should be paying attention to other things, but it was the first time he had seen her all day. He smiled as he watched her, her bangs falling slightly in her face as she stared at the patient, shaking her head. It never ceased to amaze him that she had the power to make crappy days automatically better. Even if she was against dating him, even if she had been avoiding him like the plague since the elevator, she never failed to brighten his day. Except for now. When she was kissing the idiot biker. What the hell? Meredith was kissing some idiot patient that thought it was a good idea to hurtle himself down a concrete mountain. Okay, maybe he had more kissed her but she certainly hadn't pushed the idiot away. The guy left the exam room and Meredith glared for a second before starting to clean up the room, apparently deciding to act like nothing had happened. She turned to throw something away and paused when she saw him before turning back around to look away from him, clearly afraid she was going to get in trouble. Or something. He frowned as he moved into the exam room, staring at her, completely at a loss for words. "What?" she said, looking up at him. "You make out with patients now?" he asked. "What are you jealous?" she smirked. "I don't get jealous," he frowned, closing the door behind him. She shrugged as she continued cleaning up before turning to him. "This should definitely stop. You act like we're...anyway, nothing has happened between us. So you can't get jealous." "We kissed in an elevator," he smirked. "Fine, we kissed in an elevator. Once." "No seriously...come on...go out with me." "No," she stressed, rolling her eyes. "People are dying, Meredith. People die all the time, we know that. How would you feel if I died and you never got a chance to go out with me?" "Get over yourself already," she shook her head, turning to him, her hands on her hips. "Come on," he groaned. "It's the chase isn't it?" she demanded, her eyes darkening. "What?" "The thrill of the chase. I've been wondering to myself, why are you so hell-bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my boss. You know it’s against the rules. You know I keep saying no. It’s the chase." "But it's fun, isn't it?" "Seriously?" she groaned. "Seriously. What could possibly be fun about this? You like getting turned down? You liked breaking the rules? You like trying to ruin my career?" "I'm not going to ruin your career," he sighed. "And yes, getting turned down by you has a certain...niceness to it." "Something is clearly wrong with you." "I like you," he shrugged. "I don't think that means there's something wrong with me." "You can't like me," she said firmly. "And what if I don't like you?" "That would be bad," he nodded slowly. "But you do, so I don't see that being a problem." "How do you know I like you? What if I think you're an arrogant ass?" "I know," he smirked. "See!" she exclaimed. "This is all a game to you! But not to me. Because unlike you, I still have something to prove." She brushed past him and walked out of the room, clearly frustrated. It wasn't a game. If it was a game he'd have backed off by now. Because Meredith was entirely right. This was...insane. It was against the rules, she obviously wasn't giving in and it really wouldn't be the greatest for her career. If it was a game he would have given up on this after the first day. He wasn't quite sure what it was at this point, but it certainly wasn't a game. He had no idea how to convince her of that though. No idea how to convince her that this was something more than him wanting to toy with her emotions, or wanting to screw her. There was something about her that drew him to her. Something he couldn't completely place his finger on that made him want to flirt with her, be around her, just talk to her. He just didn't know how to convince her of it. Because he wasn't exactly sure how he felt himself. It would be hard to try to tell her that he liked having her around when he didn't know why he liked having her around, he just liked it. She made things better, she made life feel better. It seemed insane and he had a feeling if he even tried to do it, she would just say seriously, give him her annoyed look and walk away. And he loved her annoyed look, he really did. But she wouldn't believe him if he told her this wasn't a game. That he hadn't played games in six years. That he had promised after Hannah was born that he wouldn't play those games anymore. Of course, telling her he didn't play games would require telling her about Hannah and he just wasn't ready to do that yet. He would eventually. She was going to find out eventually regardless as she worked at the hospital and it was impossible to keep Hannah a secret in the place where she had grown up and everyone knew her. But still, eventually he would tell her but it wasn't exactly the best waty to convince a girl that didn't want to go out with you to give you a chance. So not yet. He groaned as his pager went off. This day was going to be hell. It was going to be long and hard and filled with fixing idiots like the biker she had just kissed. Not that he had been jealous. He didn't get jealous. And even if he did, he had no right to be jealous. She was right about that at least. They weren't dating. They weren't together. She was just his intern. His ridiculously amazing intern. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Today had been insane. Entirely totally insane. Someone probably should have warned them about the insanity of today. Because today had definitely been insane. She had spent the entire day stitching up idiotic bike racers. Not to mention the one that had kissed her and then Derek. Stupid Derek who didn't seem to really understand the meaning of the word no. He was a brain surgeon. Brain surgeon usually meant smart. When people were talking about stupid easy things, they'd say it didn't take a brain surgeon to do it, which meant brain surgeons did hard things and were smart. Except for apparently Derek Shepherd. Apparently he didn't understand the English language or something. Or he was just crazy. One of the two. She was trying to avoid him and she was failing miserably because somehow he managed to be everywhere all the time being annoying and dreamy. McDreamy whatever that hell that was supposed to mean. And if she wasn't his boss she'd be quite the fan of the dreaminness but that was impossible as he was her boss and that wasn't going to change anytime soon. He couldn't play this game with her. He was just another guy. Just another guy who wanted to take her out and then screw her and that was it. Or keep screwing her. Except it would make work awkward. Or he'd start giving her special favors and Bailey would notice because Bailey noticed everything and then she'd tell the chief who would probably explode and kick her out of the program. There was no way she could like the dreaminess. She'd just have to keep ignoring him, or figure out a way to get him to actually figure out that he meant it when she said no. And they'd go on to be intern and attending which was all they could ever be and all they were ever going to be. Well until they were resident and attending but still. The door opened behind her and she turned to see him standing there. Of course. "It's not the chase," he smiled. "What?" she frowned, rubbing lotion onto her hands. "You and me," he shook his head slowly, beginning to walk toward her. "It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It's...your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair." "My hair?" she asked. She couldn't help but smile. She really couldn't. This...she hadn't been expecting this. "It smells good," he nodded, smiling slightly. "And you're very, very bossy... it keeps me in line." She watched as a smile played at his lips, as he nodded slightly. Like he was waiting for her to return whatever he was doing. And then she fought the urge to kiss him. Really kiss him. Which would be bad. "I'm still not going out with you," she smiled. "You say that now," he smirked. "I say that always," she returned the smirk. "We'll see about that," he murmured. "You're an idiot," she giggled. "It's quite possible I am," he laughed. "I'm glad you're admitting it." "We could go out for dinner and discuss how big of idiot I am." "You really need to learn the meaning of the word no," she rolled her eyes, closing her locker door. "Oh I know the meaning," he nodded. "I'm just not quite sure you mean it." "I mean it," she nodded firmly. "Definitely mean it." "Do you?" he breathed. "I...you...you're my boss." "I know," he nodded. "But you didn't answer my question. Do you mean it?" "I...no. Yes. Yes I mean it. I definitely mean yes. No. I definitely mean no." "What the hell did you just say?" he laughed gently. "You suck," she pouted, grabbing her bag. "I'll see you later, Dr. Shepherd." "See you, Dr. Grey," he nodded, still laughing softly. "Ass," she giggled. as she moved past him, her shoulder rubbing against him, which strangely made her shiver a little. "I like the giggling by the way, you should do it more often," he smiled. "I'm not going to giggle because you like it." "You're not?" "No." "But I'm your boss. You have to do what I say." "Okay, seriously?" she turned back towards him, rolling her eyes at the smirk. "You can't be my boss when it suits you. And you can't be my boss like that." "I'm always your boss. I thought that was the issue here." "It is. But you can't be my boss in...that way." "I could be your boss in that way." "You're a terrible person." "I'm definitely not a terrible person." "You definitely are," she sighed, smiling slightly as he moved closer to her, his nose hovering just over her hair. "Okay maybe," he shrugged. "But you like me anyway." "I...yeah," she breathed, his body moving even closer to her. "Yeah?" he asked. "No," she corrected herself, blushing slightly as she dipped her head down. "No." "You can't take your yeah back." "I can and I am." "Oh but I already heard it. You can't erase my memory." "I...I have to go." "You do?" "Yes. Things. Family...I have things." "Okay," he nodded. "I'll see you later, Meredith." "Dr. Grey." "You could just call me Derek for once." "You're Dr. Shepherd. I'm Dr. Grey. Because you're my boss and I'm your intern." "And we kissed." "Once," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You need to get over it. You're starting to sound pathetic." "I am?" he frowned. "You are," she smirked, looking up at him. "We could do it again...so I stop obsessing over the first time." "Not going to happen." "Really?" "Really," she breathed, moving closer to him, which was definitely bad. Because she shouldn't be moving closer to him and his hair and his eyes and the smirk. "Because I'm feeling a kiss coming on," he murmured. "Definitely no kiss," she whispered. "Hmm..." he breathed. "No kiss." "No kiss," she nodded slowly as he ducked his head down slightly, his breath hot against her lips. "None," he agreed, right before gently brushing his lips along hers. "Definitely not," she murmured, her lips moving softly against his before she pulled back, her cheeks pink. "Hmm..." he smiled, taking a step back. "Have a good night, Dr. Grey." "You too, Dr. Shepherd," she murmured. "Bye," he whispered, smiling one last time as he disappeared from the room. She breathed as she leaned against the wall, her mind swimming. Crap. Crap. Crap. She had kissed him. Again. A really soft kiss, which definitely wasn't her thing. Her thing usually involved clothes being torn off and sex happening. Not...not soft kisses. Not flirting. This was bad. This was really, really bad. She was pretty sure this couldn't get much worse. There was no way he was going to leave her alone. After that talk, that kiss, there was no way he was going to let things go with the intern and attending thing that he apparently didn't care about at all. Because he really liked her in a way she wasn't sure any guy had ever liked her and something about that felt incredibly good. If he wasn't her boss it would feel good. If he wasn't her boss, she'd probably go out with him. If he wasn't her boss, she'd kiss him again. If he wasn't her boss, she'd definitely sleep with him. But he was her boss. And this was wrong. He didn't care, but she did. Or at least, she was pretty sure she did. She wasn't quite sure anymore. Not after the kiss. Maybe you like what's goin' on Deep down inside I know it's wrong I know I should run But the heart wants what it wants Disclaimer: Paddy was racing today and Alicia and Katie completely forgot. This makes us horrible fans but at least we had a lot less stress. Of course if we owned the show we wouldn't have forgotten as we'd be there. Cheering him off. And giving him victory (or loser) sex. Meredith slammed her locker door shut and contemplated the intelligence of banging her head against it. She was quite certain that 4:30 in the morning wasn't even a real time. It was some stupid made up time that some stupid person had made up to drive her insane. And the stupid person was probably named Derek as that was the perfect name for stupid people that cut down on her sleep time. Patients weren't even awake yet. They were all sleeping. So why the hell did she have to be here at some stupid time in the stupid morning for some stupid pre-rounds? It didn't make any sense. None at all. And it probably wasn't a good thing for her to even be here. With room mates and family and moms and everything else...she was in a crap mood. And 4:30 only made it worse. She wanted to be home in bed. And she just to ignore that tiny voice in her head that felt like says she wanted to be home in bed with Derek. She assumed that voice was caused by the pure exhaustion coursing through her body. This was not natural. This was beyond stupid and not healthy and someone should have told her about this before she decided to be a surgeon. Not that it would have stopped her. Or maybe it would have. Probably not. But still...deciding to be a surgeon should have come with a warning about made up times and stupid annoying attendings who flirted. Well, that probably didn't happen all the time, only to her, which was just her luck. She had crap luck. "I hope I get some good patients today," she groaned to Cristina. "It's my day to be in the OR," Cristina shrugged, a small smile on her face. "What?" Meredith turned to her friend. "What do you know?" "I know I was here at 4 and you didn't get here till 4:30." "Tell me," Meredith demanded. "No. I'm not the intern flirting with an attending," Cristina smirked. Meredith shook her head as Cristina brushed past her. "I am not flirt----" she stopped when she saw Derek standing there, a cup of coffee in his hands. Crap. "You're here early." "I have a cordotomy at five," Derek smiled. "I get out at 6. I was thinking I could buy you breakfast before your rounds." "I've already eaten," Meredith sighed, turning from him and walking away. "Oh...what did you have?" "None of your business," she rolled her eyes. He seriously needed to get a hint. Or not get a hint. If he got a hint he'd probably be all about them kissing twice. Which was...bad. Really, really bad. "Are you a cereal person? Straight out of the box? Or are you all fruit and fibery?" he asked laughing. "Pancakes, do you like pancakes?" "Fine," she groaned. "Leftover grilled cheese. Curiousity satisfied?" "That's sad...that's pathetic. A good day starts with a good breakfast." "Are you high?" she asked, turning to him. "What?" "It's four thirty in the morning." "It is," he nodded. "And you're...disturbingly happy and...Izzie-like." "Izzie like?" he frowned. "And you get used to the crazy hours eventually. Coffee helps." "Perky," she replied. "Did you put speed in your coffee? Because seriously...it's weird. And disturbing. And you eat breakfast. You're one of those happy morning people." "I'm not a happy morning person. I'm a happy morning person when I get to see you," he smiled and then winced. "That was bad." "That was awful. Really, really awful." "It is early," he shrugged. "You like early," she rolled her eyes. "You're one of those people who jogs and makes pancakes, aren't you?" "Is that a bad thing?" "Makes you more annoying," she groaned, moving to walk past him again. "I make good pancakes," he smiled. "You will have to try them sometime." "Der---Dr. Shepherd," she rolled her eyes. "No. No breakfast. No lunch. No dinner. And...just no. Definitely no." "You keep saying that," he grinned. "And I'm going to keep meaning it," she nodded. "So you might as well give up now." "I really wish I could," he sighed. "Fine. I'll make it easy for you," she turned to him. "I"m not going to be seen with you in this hospital. It's unprofessional." "It's an attending getting to know his intern." "He kissed the intern. Twice." "Barely knew her." "And it should stay that way." "Why?"



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:00 PM Post #4
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Why?" she stared at him. "Seriously? Do you not listen? I mean do you seriously just not listen to me when I say stuff?" "I do," he nodded. "I always listen. But so far you've only had one reason...and it's not that convincing." "What? The fact that you're my boss? That's not convincing?" "Not really," he shook his head. "I get the problem, I do. Just...I don't actually care about the problem." "Well I do," Merediht said firmly. "And since I care, that means you have to get over this and just...stop." "I could stop..." he nodded slowly. "You could. And should." "I will," he smiled. "If you can actually make it sound like you really mean it." "I do mean it. Stop. Now." "You'd miss me." "I wouldn't." "You would." "I wouldn't," she repeated. "I'm trying to be a doctor. Save lives. Be professional. You should try it sometime." "You do realize I'm one of the top neurosurgeons in the country, right?" "I've heard." "I do the saving lives thing quite well." "Then you should try the professional thing too." "I'm entirely professional." "Flirting with your intern is professional?" "Just have breakfast with me," he groaned. "Two colleagues. Hospital cafeteria. Very public. No hanky panky, I promise." "You seriously did not just say hanky panky?" "I may have," he grimaced. "It's still early." "And I'm still saying no," she frowned. "Breakfast in the caf. It can't even be counted as a date." "Seriously. No." "You have to say yes eventually." "I really don't," she rolled her eyes. "But you like me." "No I don't." "You do," he nodded. "You kissed me." "That doesn't mean I like you." "You really don't like me?" "I..." Meredith paused, not trusting her entirely exhausted brain to answer the right way. "You're going to be late for your cordotomy." "You're avoiding the answer," he laughed. "We're standing in the middle of a hospital hallway." "And you're not answering," he smiled widely.' "Seriously. You're going to be late." "Going," he nodded. "Good." "Nice talking to you, Dr. Grey," Derek said loudly. "You're an idiot," she rolled her eyes. "Who you happen to like," he grinned, turning to walk away. "See you later." "Goodbye, Dr. Shepherd." "Goodbye, Dr. Grey," he smiled, heading down the hallway. She rolled her eyes as she watched him. He was an idiot. A complete idiot. She was pretty much convinced he was entirely incapable of actually not acting like a horny teenager. Or an annoying frat boy. He really needed to stop. They were coworkers. She was his intern. It made absolutely no sense that he would be all about her eating breakfast with him. Normal men were supposed to have fragile egos that got bruised by hearing the word no once, and somehow one of the best neurosurgeons in the world seemed to get a kick out of hearing it numerous times in one conversation. He didn't even flinch, he just kept smiling at her like he was high. She figured he probably was and she should probably report him to someone. Because that wasn't normal. It wasn't normal to be that happy at four-thirty in the morning and it definitely wasn't normal to be that happy after hearing no fifty million times in just a few weeks. Clearly he was high. Or crazy. Or maybe he had hit his head at some point and no one had thought to actually check him out. Either way, not normal. And entirely annoying. Even if she was tempted to say yes. Because she had a feeling for no apparent reason that sitting across from him and eating eggs and bacon and working on getting a heart attack could possibly be the highlight of her day. Just watching him smile or whatever. Which was insane and cheesy and it coudn't be the highlight of her day because it was against the rules. And he was an idiot. She didn't want to have breakfast with an idiot. She was a busy surgeon. Well, busy intern. She didn't have time to have breakfasts with idiots who jogged and made pancakes. Pancakes that were apparently good. She liked pancakes. Really liked pancakes, but that wasn't the point. The point was...no breakfast with idiots. Or people who were stoned. Or people who apparently had had traumatic brain injuries resulting in idiocy. Someone would figure it out eventually. She couldn't be the only one that realized the man was...perfect. No, not perfect, entirely idiotic and insane. Someone would notice and he'd go away and she could go back to living like a normal intern that didn't have to be careful walking down hallways because they might get attacked by some guy with randomly amazing hair. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Derek sighed as he took off his surgical cap, a sudden exhaustion seeping into him. He had woken up at three that morning, dealt with a very pissed off Hannah who didn't want to go to daycare that early, and who had spent most of the drive there throwing entirely out of character temper tantrums before screaming herself ot sleep. It hadn't been the best of mornings, at least, not until he had seen Meredith. Which sounded as lame in his head as it had when he had said it to her. She still wasn't budging. Which was...kind of adorable. Because she wasn't budging and yet when he had right out asked her if she didn't like him she hadn't been able to actually give him an answer. Which really was an answer in itself. It had made his day so much better. Not to mention pulling nails out of a patient's head and seeing him live through the surgery. That had been pretty amazing. But now he was exhausted. Completely exhausted. Meredith was taking the patient down to recovery and he was ready to grab his daughter, offer her ice cream and cookies for her forgiveness, and then collapse in bed. Of course, he wouldn't say no to seeing Meredith again, to talking to her again. To making her entirely flustered. He loved when she was flustered and avoided questions. He figured she had to give in eventually. She kept saying she wouldn't but he was pretty certain it was just a cute form of denial. She had definitely been the one to kiss him in the elevator, and she liked him. So eventually she'd look past the boss thing. Which was actually kind of huge, and she hadn't yet heard about the daughter thing. Supposing his daughter hadn't abandoned him sometime in the last day. "Do you think he's going to make it?" he jumped slightly when he heard Meredith's voice behind him. "I don't know," he sighed. "The nails...yeah. But the rest...we'll have to see what's going on." "Do you think it's a tumor?" she asked, coming to stand next to him. "My gut...yeah," he nodded. "That's...crap," Meredith sighed, shaking her head. "It really is," he frowned. "He lived through that...it doesn't seem right." "It could be operable," she said, doubt creeping into her voice. "We can hope," he nodded. "I'm keeping you on this case and we'll do the MRI in the morning." "Okay," she nodded. "Thanks." "For?" "Keeping me on the case," she shrugged. "It's...I don't know. Anyway...thanks." "You deserve it," he smiled. "I didn't actually do anything." "You did good work on the case," he shrugged. "That's enough to see you follow it through." "Yeah," she smiled slightly. "It's early but have you ever thought about what you want to specialize in?" "I...no," she shook her head. "Not really. I mean...no. It's early and I haven't actually been doing a lot yet. So no...maybe general because...but no." "Consider neuro," he nodded. "You show a promise in it." "Seriously?" "Seriously," he nodded. "I...maybe," she grinned. "I like it. Neuro. I like neuro." "You do?" he smiled. "Yeah," she nodded. "I...I really like it. It's...interesting and very, very...I like it. So maybe neuro. Maybe." "Good," he grinned. "You're good at it." "Thank you," she blushed slightly. "You're welcome," he smiled and then laughed gently. "I'm trying very hard not to destroy this very nice moment with an innappropriate comment." "Oh god," she rolled her eyes. "I didn't actually say anything," he laughed. "And what I did say...I mean it. As your boss." "And not because we've kissed and you're trying to get into my pants?" "Not because we've kissed and I'm trying to do a hell of a lot more than get in your pants. You're good. I'm not about to lie to you about something like that." "Oh," she breathed, nodding slowly. "Thanks." "Even if it does mean you'd have to spend more time with me." "Dr. Shepherd," she rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, I was good," he sighed. "I get to have that one." "Fine," she sighed. "You get to have that one." "Thank you," he nodded. "But really...neuro, think about it." "I will." "Good." "Good," she nodded slowly. "Good," he grinned. "Derek?" she murmured, turning to him again. "Yeah?" he asked, a grin tugging at his lips. "Meredith." "Breakfast," she nodded. "What did...you said a good day starts with a good breakfast. Which I'd assume means you had a good breakfast." "I ended up having cereal," he sighed. "It was lonely." "Out of the box or..." "In a bowl," he laughed. "Oh," she giggled slightly. "Okay." "We could have breakfast together tomorrow," he suggested. "Seriously?" "Seriously," he nodded. "I..." she bit her lip. "Colleagues. Between colleagues." "Between colleagues," he nodded. "Which means no kissing or sex or...stuff." "You're saying yes?" "I...maybe...yes." "Seriously?' "Seriously," she giggled. "Oh okay," he nodded. "What time do you start tomorrow?" "Late day tomorrow," she smiled. "Eight." "My first surgery is at nine," he grinned. "Do you...here or somewhere else?" "Um...whatever works for you." "There's a tiny restaurant down the street," he suggested. "Do they have good pancakes?" she grinned. "They do," he smiled. "Not as good as mine...but for some reason I don't think you'd agree to going home with me." "Pushing it, Derek." "Sorry," he grinned. "So restaurant on the corner at seven?" "Yeah," she nodded. "Good," he smiled widely. "Good," she smiled, looking down slightly. "So...tomorrow." "Tomorrow," he nodded. "Okay," she nodded. "Okay," he smiled. "I have to go and...I'll see you in the morning." "See you in the morning," she nodded before turning and walking away from him. She had actually said yes. For all the flirting he had done he hadn't expected her to just turn around and say yes that easily. He would have told her to go neuro ages ago had he known that's all it was going to take. She had said. He'd have to get Mark to bring Hannah in, or bring her in early or something. Because he had a date. He actually had a kind of date with Meredith. He couldn't help but grin widely at the idea. She said it was between colleagues, but after weeks of saying no she had finally said yes, and he couldn't help but call it a kind of date. It was breakfast. He'd finally be able to talk to her without her freaking out about them being in the hospital. And he could decide if she needed to know about Hannah, if she deserved to know about the girl in his life. He was late. He was actually late. She had finally agreed to go on a date, or a kind of date, or of a meeting of colleagues or something, and he was late. She wasn't even sure why she had said yes. The word yes had been running through her head everytime he had asked and she had never actually said it. And she did. It had slipped out and now she was having breakfast with him, if he ever appeared. This was probably some kind of sign. A sign that she should definitely get up and go. That she should not be dating or kind of dating or meeting with her boss. Definitely a sign. Because he was late. He had practically begged her and he was late. Saying yes had to have been the stupidest thing she'd ever said. And now she should definitely leave. It would make work awkward but this was stupid, saying yes had been a very stupid mistake and waiting for him was even more stupid. Entirely idiotic and crazy and she could only assume that some of his idioticness and craziness was rubbing off on her. That would completely explain why she was still sitting here, staring at the flowers in the vase on the table instead of leaving like she should be. Except he wasn't even that late. It was only 7:08. So eight minutes. Still, late. And they shouldn't even be doing this. It was entirely against the rules. Completely against the rules and she definitely needed to get her head checked out. Because she had said yes. She had said yes and now she was sitting here and this wasn't her. She didn't do this. Stupid Derek. "Sorry I'm late," his voice suddenly filled her head as she heard the chair in front of her be pulled out. "One of those mornings." "Oh," she looked up quickly, smiling. He looked good and suddenly she wasn't angry anymore. Or even nervous, which was weird. It was the hair. Had to be the stupid perfect hair. Which actually didn't look all that perfect in that second, but still...good. "That's...it's fine." "You waited," he smiled. "I figured you would have decided this was a stupid idea in the past nine minutes and leave." "I was giving you another minute," she smiled, wondering how in the hell he could read her mind like that. "I guess I had good timing then," he smiled. "You look good...in an entirely professional colleague type of way." "You too," she giggled. "Thanks," he smiled, opening the menu. "Do you know what you want?" "Pancakes," she sighed. "Definitely pancakes." "So you do really like pancakes," he laughed gently. "I do," she nodded. "Doesn't everyone?" "Probably," he grinned. "What about you?" she asked, looking down at her menu. "What are you getting?" "Eggs and bacon," he nodded, looking at the menu. "I thought everyone liked pancakes," she giggled. "You don't?" "I do," he grinned. "I just have them often enough at home that I could use a change." "You make pancakes a lot?" "I told you my pancakes are good." "You're so cocky." "They melt in your mouth." "Pancakes probably shouldn't do that." "They should," he grinned. "I like to chew my pancakes." "You haven't tried mine," Derek smirked. "They're so good I could be a chef is this neurosurgery thing doesn't work out." "Because you're clearly struggling," Meredith rolled her eyes. "So making pancakes isn't the only thing I'm good at," he laughed. "Yeah, you apparently have that operating on brain things down." "It's easier than it sounds." "You probably shouldn't advertise that." "I only tell interns that I'm trying to persuade to join me on the dark side." "Neuro is the dark side?" "It is." "I figured plastics would be." "Plastics is for idiots," Derek laughed. "Of course it is," she giggled. "That explains the head of plastics." "So I assume you've tried to have a conversation with Dr. Sloan." "Tried," she rolled her eyes. "And I thought you were a pervert." "Did he try to get in your pants?" "That's one way of putting it." "I can imagine," Derek shook his head. "Just call him an ass." "I did," Meredith giggled. "Good girl," he laughed. "Mark must have loved that." "You talk like you really know him." "He's my best friend." "Seriously?" Meredith choked on her water. "Seriously," Derek laughed. "Oh...um..." she stammered. "I didn't...I mean...okay." "You didn't what?" "It's just...Sloan...your best friend. It doesn't make sense or whatever." "I know it doesn't," he nodded. "He's been my best friend as long as I can remember. He's...basically my brother." "So me calling him an idiot..." "Makes me like you a little bit more." "I called your brother an idiot and you like me more?" "He is an idiot," Derek shrugged. "Especially when you first meet him." "And then, what? He gets better?" "Well no...but he grows on you." "I'll take your word on that," Meredith nodded as her pancakes were settled in front of her. "I'll get him to stop hitting on you," Derek offered. "I can handle it," she shrugged. "And he's been better about it. Apparently he understands the meaning of the word no." "That's not actually what he understands." "It isn't?" "He knows I'm interested." "Oh," Meredith bit her lip. "So he's...I mean, he was hitting on me. I know he was. And you're..you're interested or whatever." "He hits on everyone," Derek shrugged. "I don't. And when I'm...interested, he backs off. I can't actually guarantee he'll behave himself but anything he does...it's entirely innocent." "Okay," she nodded. "Right. Pancakes." "How are they?" "Amazing," she smiled widely. "Good," he nodded. "How are your eggs?" "Great," he smiled. "Good," she mirrored his smile. "So...you went to Dartmouth." "I did," she nodded. "College and med school." "How'd you end up in Seattle? Entirely opposite side of the country." "Oh," Meredith looked down at her food. Not the question she had been expecting. At all. Definitely not what she had been expecting. "Um...family. Stuff. And Seattle Grace is the best program." "Makes sense," he nodded. "Yeah," she nodded. Crisis averted. "What about you? Are you...are you from Seattle?" "I was born in New York but moved to Seattle when I was 6," he nodded. "Went back to New York for college and med school." "And you ended up at Seattle Grace instead of staying in New York?" "Yeah," he nodded. "Wanted to come home...family is here and everything." "Makes sense," she echoed his earlier words. "New York was fun but Seattle is home." "It is," she nodded. "I, um...I was born here. Moved to Boston when I was six." "Why the move?" "My mom got a offer," Meredith sighed, deciding to tell only half the truth. "You do know who my mom is, right?" "I do," he nodded. "It was kind of big news around the hospital that you were going to be an intern." "Oh god," she groaned. "That's...I don't want that. I'm not her. I'm not even close to being her." "You have amazing potential." "It doesn't mean I'm anything like Ellis Grey." "It doesn't mean you have to be," he shrugged. "I'm pretty sure being Meredith Grey is good enough." "Yeah...I..." Meredith breathed, looking down at her watch. "Crap." "Is it nearly eight?" he sighed. "Yeah," she sighed, getting out her wallet. "Don't," he shook his head quickly. "I've got it." "You sure?" "I'm sure," he nodded. "Okay," she smiled. "Um...thanks." "No problem" he smiled. "You can get it next time." "Yeah," she nodded slowly. "Next time." "Next time," he echoed. "I'll see you at work. Bailey already knows you're with me again." "Okay," she smiled and then leaned forward, her lips hovering right over his cheek before she pulled back. "I'll see you at work." "This was nice, Mer," he breathed. "It was," she murmured. "See you at work," he nodded. "See you soon, Der," she nodded before fully standing and moving to leave. "Meredith..." he whispered, standing up and moving close to her. "Yeah?" she breathed, turning back towards him, suddenly feeling insanely...hopeful. "Bye," he murmured, ducking his head down to brush his lips against hers. "Bye," she breathed against his lips before her arms moved up and around his shoulders, her fingers lightly playing with the curls at the nape of his neck as she kissed him softly. He deepened the kiss sligtly, letting his hands run along her back before pulling away. "Bye." "Bye," she repeated, backing away from him, a small grin on her face as she started back towards her car. Something told her she was probably supposed to be freaking out. She had just kissed her boss. In public. On a kind of breakfast date where he had paid. She had kissed him. And she had wanted to. And she had liked it. And she was probably supposed to be freaking out. And she definitely wasn't. Some tiny part of her brain was running around in circles, screaming that this was a horribly bad idea but her lips were tingling too much from the contact to actually care to listen to that part of her brain. That had been...nice. Really nice. The talking and the eating and the kissing. It had all been incredibly nice and...entirely perfect. There's no turning back... Disclaimer: This update is entirely filler and entirely bright and shiny. Because right now the people who own the show have us all in a panic and nothing seems all that bright and shiny...so we, who wished we owned the show, figured you needed this. "Daddy!" Derek grinned as he heard his daughter run into the kitchen, her arms going quickly around him. "Daddy, is it time yet? Is it time?" "Not yet," Derek laughed, looking up to see his daughter wearing a tutu and a tiara. "What are you wearing?" "I'm like Angelina, Daddy," she grinned widely. "You are," he smiled. "Why?" "Cause I gotta be pwetty for school," Hannah nodded seriously. "You do," Derek nodded, just as seriously. "And you look very pretty, you're my little ballerina." "Yep," she grinned. "Your bestest balleina!" "My very bestest. But you can't wear that to school, honey." "How come?" "Tutus are for ballet." "And for school," Hannah shrugged. "Not for school," Derek shook his head. "But I gotta be pwetty, Daddy," she sighed dramatically. "Balleinas are the pwettiest!" "Ballerinas are very pretty," Derek agreed. "But you'll be pretty no matter what you wear." "But I wanna wear my tutu." "I know you do. But you can't." "But I wanna." "Hannah, it's your Halloween costume from last year. You know you can't wear it places." "But Uncle Monkey said I was gonna be the pwettiest girl there," Hannah crossed her arms. "And I gotta wear my tutu, Daddy. And my tiara. I'm a princess." "You are. And uncle Monkey is right, you are going to be the prettiest girl there. The prettiest girl doesn't need to wear a tutu." "How come?" "Because...tutus aren't for school," Derek sighed. "How come?" "They...aren't," Derek shrugged, smiling slightly. "Everyone else will be wearing pretty shirts and jeans." "But Uncle Monkey said I'm specialer than everyone else." "You are specialer than everyone else." "So I gotta wear a tutu and tiara." "No you don't. You can wear jeans a shirt and still look pretty special." "But, Daddy..." Hannah groaned. "Don't but Daddy me," Derek laughed. "I bought you those nice new jeans with pink buttons, don't you want to wear those?" "Nope. I wanna wear my tutu." "But you love your new jeans." "I do, Daddy," Hannah nodded. "I love my tutu too." "I know you do," Derek nodded. "You can wear your tutu when you get home. We're going to Grandma's for supper. You can wear it to grandma's." "Can I wear my jeans and my tutu?" "You can't wear your jeans your tutu," Derek shook his head. "How about you wear your jeans and your pretty ballerina shirt?" "And my tiara." "No tiara." "Yes tiara." "No tiara," Derek sighed. "It could get hurt at school." "It won't," Hannah shook her head. "I'll be real careful, Daddy. Promise." "You still can't wear it," Derek shook his head. "Daddy," she whined. "Uncle Monkey would let me." "Uncle Monkey is crazy and he's not your daddy." "Please, Daddy. Please. Please." "You're adorable but the answer is still no," Derek sighed. "How about you wear that really pretty hair clip Aunt Kathleen got you? It's sparkly like a tiara." "But then no one will know I'm special." "They will know." "How?" "How does everyone at Grandma's house know you're special?" "Cause I'm Hannah Banana," Hannah said proudly. "And I'm the smallest." "You won't be the smallest in your class," he grinned. "But you'll still be Hannah Banana." "What if they don't like me, Daddy?" "That's impossible." "I guess," she sighed, chewing on her bottom lip. "What are you thinking?" "I need my tiara." "No you don't," Derek shook his head. "Only non special little girls need a tiara to look special." "Really?" "Really," Derek nodded. "Okay," she sighed. "But if they don't like me it's your fault, Daddy." "Duly noted." "What's that, Daddy?" "It means I'll remember it." "Okay," she sighed. "Be right back, Daddy." She turned and ran upstairs, her hand holding her tiara in place. Derek sighed and turned back to the fridge, getting the orange juice out. He should have known that Hannah was going to do something ever so slightly crazy this morning. He had no idea where she got it from but all he could assume was that it had something to do with Mark. Mark had probably told her that wearing a tiara to school was a great idea. It was her first day at school. Her first day of going to school, of not being near him all day. He had gotten used to going to go visit her in the hospital nursery for the past five years, gotten used to her always being around. And now it was her first day of school. She was ecstatic, entirely excited. She had barely slept the night before. Of course, he hadn't slept much either. He was nervous. His mom and his sisters had warned him that he'd be less than thrilled at the idea of sending his tiny daughter off into the big bad schooling world and he had scoffed. He'd be fine. School was good and fun and she would love it and there was no reason to be nervous. Except for he definitely did feel nervous and he wasn't loving the idea of her growing up so quickly. She was his little girl. And while he knew it was bound to happen, he didn't like the idea of her growing up and not being his little girl anymore. This seemed like the first big step away from her being entirely dependent on him. He knew he was being ridiculous, and he knew that he should be entirely excited for her, but he just couldn't help but wonder if she was even ready for this. She was smart, entirely too smart for her own good half the time. And growing up in an entirely too big family had made her pretty social. It was hard to be shy when you had to compete with twenty some other people for attention. But school was big. School was entirely huge and it was hard for anyone. First days were hard. She didn't even seem nervous but she didn't know. He knew people would love her. From the second she had been born, people had fallen in love with her. Everyone at the hospital adored her. They had spoiled her from the second he had brought her in after two months paternity leave. And she was the most popular kid at daycare, even if she did hate it. So people would love her, and she would be fine. He just needed to relax. The pancakes were ready for whenever she made it back downstairs. He assumed she was currently looking at her tiny school bag and trying to figure out how to put the tutu inside it so that if she got to school and didn't feel special enough she could throw it on. That would be a Hannah thing to do. Because Hannah had grown up the center of attention, and she expected to be treated as such. He supposed that was partly his fault. She had been the center of his life since the second she had been born. Since the second she had been placed in his arms, nothing else had mattered. He spoiled her with attention, and the family spoiled her too. She was the baby, and everyone adored her. So for her to go somewhere no one knew she was a princess...he understood why she thought she needed a tiara. But she'd be fine. She was Hannah Banana. People liked making her the center of attention because somehow she had managed to be the center of attention without being a brat about it. He figured he had raised her right, at least so far and people would love her. She'd probably come home with tons of stories about new friends and new adventures and everything else. "Is it time now, Daddy?" Hannah asked as she came back in, dressed in her new jeans and her pink ballerina shirt, the sparkly hair clip in her hands. "Not quite yet," Derek grinned. "You have to eat your pancakes and I have to do your hair." "And then it will be time?" "Then it will be time," Derek nodded. "So eat." "Okay, Daddy," she nodded, stabbing her fork into her pancakes, eating them quickly. "Daddy, hair clippy." "Doing so," he laughed, walking up behind her. "Make it real pwetty." "I will," he promised, brushing his fingers through her curls. "You look really pretty." "I know, Daddy," she giggled. "Of course you do," he laughed. "Daddy, tell me 'gain. What's kinergarden?" "It's school, hun. It's kind of like day care, you'll do all the same things but there will be different kids to play with. And it's in a big building with a bunch of other kids that are older than you." "Like my cousins?" "Like your cousins," Derek nodded. "Some of them will actually be there." "In kinergarden?" "Nope, they're in bigger grades." "Oh," she nodded, reaching forward for her orange juice. "What if I don't like it, Daddy? Can I find you?" "You can't find me," he shook his head. "I'll be at home...and usually I'll be at work. We won't be in the same building anymore." "But what if something real big happens?" "Your teacher will have my phone number, Uncle Monkey's phone number and Grandma's phone number." "I don't know, Daddy," she sighed. "Are you gonna pick me up every day?" "I'm going to try," he nodded. "When I can't it will be Uncle Monkey or Grandma." "Okay," she sighed. "Someone will always be there to pick you up," Derek promised. "I know," she nodded. "But what about Lynn? And you and Tyler and Debbie and Uncle Monkey and Dr. Miranda?" "You can still come visit everyone," Derek smiled. "Will you miss me, Daddy?" "Like crazy. Will you miss me?" "Lots and lots and lots." "Good," Derek smiled, kissing her cheek quickly. "You're hair is done." "Is it real pwetty?' "It's very pretty." "Good," she smiled, putting her fork down. "All done." "Good," he nodded. "Which means it's time." "Time to go?" she stood up quickly on the chair, almost falling over. "Time to go," he laughed, grabbing her quickly. "And be careful." "I am," she nodded, grabbing her lunchbox off the table while Derek grabbed her back pack. "Let's go, Daddy!" "Let's go," Derek nodded. He grinned as he carried her out to the car, buckling her in quickly as she talked quickly, her excitement from earlier returning. "And then I'm gonna color and play play doh and make lots and lots of and lots of friends and Uncle Monkey said there'd be snack time and naptime but I don't have to take a nap cause cool people don't take naps, Uncle Monkey said." "You know you're not supposed to listen to him," Derek laughed. "Cool people listen to the teacher. And if the teacher says you take a nap, you take one." "But I don't like naps, Daddy." "I know you don't," he nodded. "If you don't want to sleep you don't have to. But at least lay down and act like you're sleeping." "But that's lying, Daddy. Lying's bad." "It's not lying," Derek shook his head. "Your teacher won't care if you sleep or not...that just you lay down and stay quiet." "Oh okay," Hannah sighed. "Uncle Monkey said there's lots of play time and story time and everything. But you gotta pick me up, Daddy. And then Uncle Monkey said he'd go for ice cream and everything. Cause it's my first day and that means I'm a real big girl!" "It does," Derek smiled. "I have today off work so I will definitely pick you up and then we can go get Uncle Monkey and all go out for ice cream. And maybe pizza." "Really?" "Really," Derek grinned. "Cheese pizza?" "Any kind of pizza you want." "Kay, Daddy," she nodded excitedly as they pulled up to the school. "It's big." "It is big," he nodded. "Are you okay?" "It's real big," she frowned, pushing her face up against the window. "I know," he whispered. "But it will be okay. I'm going to walk you to class." "What if I gotta go potty and I get lost?" "The teacher will take you, don't worry." "Okay," Hannah whispered. "But it's real big, Daddy. And there's lots and lots of people." "There are. But your class will be tiny." "What if it's not?" "It will be," he nodded. "You know when the entire family gets together? All the cousins and the aunts and uncles, everyone at Grandma's?" "Yeah." "It will be that many people. But everyone but the teacher will be your age." "That's good," she nodded as he moved around to unbuckle her and help her out of the car. "I'll make friends right, Daddy?" "You will definitely make friends. Lots of friends." "Lots and lots and lots," she grasped his hand tightly as they walked into the school, her tiny backpack making her look impossibly small. "You will," he whispered, squeezing her hand tightly. "You'll have fun and you'll be fine." "What if I don't?" "There is no don't." "Okay," she sighed, squeezing his hand again as they came closer to her classroom. "I wanna go home, Daddy." "You can't honey," Derek sighed. "Then I wanna go to the hopital." "You can't go there either," Derek shook his head, moving to crouch in front of his daughter. "You have to go to school." "But it's big," she murmured, throwing her arms around his neck. "I know it is," he breathed, hugging her tightly, fighting back the urge to cry and carry her out of here. "But it's okay." "I don't like it," she pouted. "I want Nana. Or fishing." "You will like it," he nodded. "It will be okay." "You will like it," he nodded. "It will be okay." "She is," Derek answered for his daughter, who was suddenly burrying her face in the crook of his neck. "It's okay," Mrs. Pruitt crouched down, smiling at Hannah. "My name is Rebecca. What's yours?" "I'm Hannah Shepherd," Hannah said quietly. "Hello, Hannah Shepherd," Mrs. Pruitt grinned. "I like your hair clip. It's very pretty." "Thank you," Hannah whispered. "Daddy wouldn't let me wear my tiara." "Silly Daddy," Mrs. Pruitt smiled at Derek. "Do you like to color, Hannah?' "Yes," Hannah nodded. "Well, we have a table over there," Mrs. Pruitt pointed to where a few kids were coloring. "And you can color any picture you want for Daddy." "Hannah, you should go color," Derek nodded. Hannah pulled back slowly, looking into the classroom where the kids were coloring and then grinned. "Look, Daddy, a dollhouse!" "There is," Derek smiled. "See Hannah Banana, you'll have fun." "Bye, Daddy!" she grinned, kissing his cheek quickly before running to the dollhouse. "Bye Hannah, love you too," Derek sighed, shaking his head. "She'll be okay, Mr. Shepherd," Mrs. Pruitt smiled. "She seems very happy." "Dr. Shepherd," Derek corrected. "And she's a happy kid. She's used to playing with a lot of others." "It looks like she may have already made a friend," the teacher nodded towards where Hannah was talking animatedly to another girl playing with the dollhouse. "Good," Derek smiled. "I don't have to worry as much." "Of course you don't," Mrs. Pruitt nodded. "And we'll see you later, Dr. Shepherd." "I'll be here to pick her up," Derek nodded. "Nice meeting you." "Nice meeting you as well," she smiled. "And if you'll excuse me, I have a fight over a toy truck to settle." She ran off towards the corner of the room, leaving Derek to watch his daughter. She looked happy, she looked like Hannah, all the nerves of minutes before completely gone. He just wished his would go away. She was fine, she had made a friend in the span of five seconds, she'd be happy and would probably babble on for hours about how great her day had been and all of her new friends. She would love school. She would have a great day. He ran his hands through his hair as he leaned against the door. She was his little girl. And she was happy and entirely excited again about going to school. He wanted to leave, he wanted to let her be happy entirely by herself. He just couldn't ignore the ache in his heart that once he walked out of this room, he'd spend the day entirely alone, without his amazing daughter. Like the wind, the years go by. Disclaimer: Alicia and Katie are giving the people who actually own Grey's Anatomy a good yelling at on the blog because as much as we're holding onto hope...we are a teeny bit scared. So yes, yelling. If we owned the show...we wouldn't be. She had been happy. He had gotten to the school to get her and he was quite certain that between the time she had seen him and the second she gone to bed she hadn't stopped to actually breathe at any point. She just kept talking and talking and talking about her day, about everyone in her class, about her teacher, about all the cool toys they had. It was like a surgery high or something. He was actually amazed she had managed to fall asleep at any point, or stay asleep for that matter. He wasn't entirely sure about the staying asleep part, as she had been in his room at five-thirty, asking him if it was time to get up and go to school yet. Hannah loved school. She entirely loved it. He was glad she loved it, extremely glad, but there were still tears pricking the corner of his eyes. He missed her. He'd never admit it outloud but he missed her. Not having her to go visit the day before had been hell. He had felt lost without having his daughter. And he had hated not knowing how she was. It was nice being able to head down to the nursery and say hi, see how she was. Yesterday his head had been full of questions about her instead of questions about his surgery. His mom swore it was normal. His sisters promised him it would go away at some point, that he'd be thankful she was in school, and he would dread the holidays. But he couldn't stop worrying about her. When she was at the hospital, he had a basic idea of where she was and what she was doing. And if he worried, he could check on her. Now though, he was almost expecting a call on his cell informing him she had snuck out of class or something. It had been a hell of a day to get through and he wasn't sure today was going to get any easier, or if it ever was going to get better. It had been a long day. Even worse, it had been a long day with O'Malley as his intern. O'Malley wasn't distracting and he wasn't all that fun to work with. It had been long, really long and tedious and he would have killed for a distraction. Of course, he had been getting the strangest feeling he was being stalked. Watched, at first, but definitely stalked now. Not that he minded being stalked by the petite blonde who was trying to hide behind a chart as she watched him, biting her lower lip. She had been following him all day. Well, not all day. He had been in surgery, and she had run labs. But when they were both free, she was following him. "I'm heading to an on call room for a nap before my next surgery," he murmured, walking up close to her. "You can follow me there if you want." "You're an idiot," she rolled her eyes. "And I'm not...you weren't here yesterday." "I wasn't here yesterday," he smirked. "Miss me?" "I...no," she shook her head quickly. "But you weren't here and I...and now you look...definitely didn't miss you." "Now I look what?" he asked, moving on to walk, knowing that she would follow. "Not...Dereky," she said, moving to walk next to him. "I don't look Dereky?" "No...yeah...you just look," she bit her lip, "sad or worried or something. And you were missing so I figured...I thought something bad..." "You were worried," he said slowly, smiling softly at her. "I...maybe." "Hmmm..." he nodded. "Nothing to worry about. Just...stuff but not bad stuff." "Not bad stuff is good." "It is," he smiled. "You look very Meredithy." "Meredithy?" "Meredithy," he nodded. "Cute and avoiding." "I'm not avoiding anything," Meredith shook her head quickly. "You've been following me all day," he pointed out. "And you won't admit you missed me." "Okay, a, you've been following me for weeks, b, I haven't been following you and c, I didn't miss you. I was concerned. About a colleague." "Really? Because Mark wasn't here a couple of days ago and I didn't hear you concerned." "I figured he was screwing a nurse. And he didn't look all worry and sad and checking his phone every two minutes. Not that that's new or anything. You're always on your phone, probably playing Tetris but trying to look all busy and hot and...anyway...I was concerned. About a colleague." "I look hot when I play on my phone?" She stared at him for a second, shaking her head slowly. "Not the point." "I think it might be," he grinned. "If I had known you liked it I would have done it more often." "I don't think you could do it anymore." "Do you pay that much attention to what I do?" "No," she shook her head quickly. "Definitely not. I just...you...phone all the time. Everyone notices it. They probably think you have a secret lover or something that you're always talking to. Which is just...anyway, phone all the time. Not that I notice. Other people notice. I don't." "Do you think I have a secret lover? Are you jealous?" "Why would I be jealous?" "Because you want to my secret lover." "You're an ass. And my boss. So no...I don't want you to be my secret lover." "Of course not," he smirked. "I don't," she said firmly. "No secret lovers. Well, we can't be secret lovers. I can have a secret lover and you can have a secret lover, just we can't be secret lovers. With each other." "No, I don't think you should have a secret lover," he shook his head. "Why not?" "I'd be jealous," he shrugged. "And I'd have to hurt him." "I thought you didn't get jealous," she smirked. "Maybe I do when it comes to you." "You love being cheesy don't you?" "You love it too," he smiled. "I really don't. It's sad. And pathetic." "Which explains why you're still following me." "I'm not following you. I'm walking down a hallway." "Oh okay," he nodded. "Where are you going?" "Um...I don't..." she bit her lip, frowning for a second. "Patient." "What patient?" "Just...a patient. With health problems." "What kind of health problems?" "Um....bad ones." "Vague," he nodded. "But true." "Who are you with today?" "Oh, um...I was with Montgomery," she nodded as he opened a door to an on call room and she walked in. "I'll have to ask her about the vaguely ill patient," Derek smiled. "Fine. There's not patient. I'm running labs. Happy?" "In an on call room?" he smirked. "I could leave." "Don't," he shook his head. "I probably should," she sighed "Definitely don't," he shook his head. "I did miss you yesterday." "You missed me?" "I did," he grinned. "Oh," she sighed. "I...I was with Sloan. He was...off and weird and...I missed you too." "Mark was off?" "Yeah," she nodded, leaning against the desk. "He was...I don't know. He just seemed off and sad or something." "Don't worry about him either," Derek shook his head. "I wasn't," she shrugged. "He hit on me. Again." "I told you I can make him stop." "It's fine. I can handle him." "I'm sure you can." "He's just a cocky arrogant ass. I can handle cocky arrogant asses." "You can," he nodded. "Yeah," she sighed, smiling slightly at him. "And you missed me," he breathed. "I missed you," she blushed, looking down a the floor. "Good," he smiled. "That's...really good." "Yeah," she murmured. "I'm glad you did," he grinned. "Makes me think you do like the flirting." "I never said I liked the flirting." "You don't have to." "Good, because I don't," she smiled coyly. "Which explains why you missed me." "Maybe I missed the surgeries." "You were with Sloan yesterday. Even if I had been here you wouldn't have had the surgeries." "Or maybe Bailey would have assigned me to you." "She might have," he nodded, taking a step toward her. "But you had no idea if she would." "So I missed...the surgeries," she breathed as he moved closer to her. "The surgeries," he nodded. "Not me?" "Definitely not you," she whispered, moving forward slightly. "I definitely missed you," he murmured. "So you said." "Well it's true," he whispered. "I miss your annoyance." "I'm annoying?" "No," he laughed breathlessly. "I missed how you are when you're annoyed...because I'm annoying." "You are annoying," she giggled, her hand moving to his curls. "I know," he smiled softly, lowering his head slightly, letting a hand travel to rest on her back. "Very annoying," she breathed, her lips brushing gently across his. "Glad I know I annoy you," he nodded, pulling her clothes and gently kissing her. "Completely," she breathed, her hands tugging at his curls as he pushed her against the desk slightly. "Hmmm...." he groaned, deepening the kiss as he pushed her a little bit harder into the desk. "Derek," she gasped, her hands moving down to the hem of his scrub top. "Mer..." he murmured, letting her pull his shirt over him, before reaching over to drag her shirt off. She pulled back as he pulled her shirt off and then quickly untied his scrub pants, pushing them over his hips as she kissed him hard. He groaned into her mouth as she wrapped her hand over his erection, his hands moving down to her own scrub pants as he pushed her harder into the desk. "Der," she moaned loudly. "Oh...hell....Mer...." he groaned, rocking his hips into her hands as he moved to tug at her scrub pants, cursing under his breath as the knot got stuck. He tried again and managed it through shakey hands. "Door...the door," she gasped as he leaned down to bite at her neck, sucking at the skin. "Derek...door..." "Door?" he asked and then nodded, and quickly pulled away, locking the door before going back to her and pulling her hard against him. "Oh Mer." "I...take me for a ride, Derek," she murmured in his ear, giggling slightly. "Cheesy...I know but...god..." "I love cheesy," he laughed breathlessly, his hands moving to her ass to pull her close. "I know," she nodded, kissing him hard just as he lifted her up and over his erection, thrusting into her before pulling out again. "Der," she moaned, biting down on his lip. "Oh fuck," he gasped, thrusting into her again. "Good...you're....oh god." "Oh god," she gasped, her fingernails digging into his skin as he rocked into her, the desk moving slightly against the wall. "Derek...god!" "Mer...hell...oh Meredith," he groaned, his head falling onto her shoulder. "Mer..." She held onto his back tightly as he thrusted harder and faster into her, both of them gasping for breath as their bodies began to shake. "Derek...oh...shit," she whispered. "Mer....Mer....oh....Mer," he murmured, squeezing his eyes shut. "Fuck, Derek," she gasped as her body trembled around him, her head falling back as she let out the smallest of screams. "Mer..." he grunted, his own body shuddering in release as he spilled into her. "Oh god," she panted. "Oh god." "Mer...that....oh," he breathed, pressing his forehead into hers. "Oh god," she repeated over and over, her chest heaving against his. "Wow," he murmured, holding her close to him. "Just...wow." "Definitely...we...god." "That was...just...wow," he whispered. "Wow." "We just...you just...I just..." Meredith stammered, her body still shaking. "Did we..." "Yes, that was sex, Mer," Derek nodded, laughing breathlessly. "Mind blowing sex." "You're...god." "Thanks," he laughed. "And we just...in an on call room." "In an on call room," he nodded. "I've never...I don't have sex in on call rooms." "I haven't...obviously," she sighed. "But that was...we just...do you think anyone heard us?" "I hope not," he grimaced slightly. "We just..." she shook her head quickly. "I just screwed my boss in an on call room." "Don't freak out," he sighed. "Please...please don't freak out. That was...please don't freak out." "I just...if anyone finds out...no one can find out." "I won't tell anyone," he shook his head quickly. "Just...don't freak out." "I'm not freaking out," she shook her head. "I'm not. We had sex. It was...great sex. Really, really great sex. But it can't...I mean we probably shouldn't...again." "Seriously?" he frowned. "Seriously," she sighed. "We...I mean, it was great. Amazing. Really great. And...we can't...again. At the hospital. If you wanted...I mean, at my house. Or your place. But not in on call rooms. Again." "Oh," he smiled. "So you want to...again?" "Only if...do you?" "Definitely," he nodded quickly. "But we're not dating," she said quickly. "We're not?" he frowned. "No," she said firmly. "We're definitely not dating. Not dating. No. We're...sex only." "But...why?" "Because...we're not." "Okay...why?" "You seriously have to be one of those guys?" she groaned. "No," he shook his head. "Just...I could use a reason because I want more." "I know you do," she sighed, reaching for her shirt. "I know but...I don't...I don't date. Or whatever. And you're my boss." "You could date." "I don't date." "But you could date. Me." "We're not dating. Sex only." "Sex only." "Sex only," she confirmed. "I don't actually do sex only." "Oh," she bit her lip. "Mer..." he sighed. "I...there's....fine." "What?" she asked, pulling her scrub pants back up. "Sex only," he nodded. "But you don't..." "Yeah, I don't. But...you, yeah," he nodded. "I...I want to be with you. And until you can figure out that you want to be with me, your boss, too...I can do sex only." "Okay," she sighed. "Okay."



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:05 PM Post #5
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Okay," he nodded, pulling her close and kissing her quickly. "Sex only," she murmured against his lips. "I know," he sighed. "For now." "Hmmm," she nodded, kissing him deeply just as her pager went off on her hip. "Crap." "Go," he nodded, kissing her quickly. "I'll see you later." "Bye, Der," she sighed, kissing him quickly before turning and leaving. They had had sex. He wasn't this guy, Mark was this guy but he never did the sleeping with random people in on call rooms. Not that Meredith was random. Meredith was amazing and they had sex. It had been amazing sex. And now she wanted only sex, just sex. He had never actually done just sex, and he certainly hadn't done it since Hannah. But Meredith didn't know about Hannah. For a moment, he had considered telling her. He had considered saying he couldn't have sex only because he had a five year old who expected her daddy home every night, who deserved someone in her life who wanted her and loved her. But he had figured that would only make this worse, and she would take sex only off the table. He wanted to be with her, needed to be with her, and he would take whatever he could get at this point. And eventually he had to tell her. He had no idea if she was going to take it. He had no clue how someone who didn't even date under normal circumstances was going to take him having a daughter that was his world. Hannah came first. And he couldn't just keep having sex with her with nothing come of it. It wasn't fair to Hannah. It wasn't fair to him. He sighed as he pulled his clothes on and fell onto the bed, rubbing his hands over his face. He wanted more with her. He had never felt this kind of overpowering need to be with a woman, not once. But he couldn't wait forever. He couldn't put himself through that when he had Hannah to worry about. Meredith would have to decide what she wanted, she would have to come to terms with whatever Katie says: this was. Ish says: For now he'd give her the time to figure it out. He wasn't going to push. He certainly wasn't going to push until she found out about Hannah. Because whatever she chose, Hannah had to be part of that decision. Hannah had to be part of the defintion of what they were. So he'd give her time to adjust to all of this and then he wanted an answer. Because he wanted it all. You don't have to die to leave my world, stand still and you've departed Disclaimer: There is an actual possibility that the writers will go on strike...it's a tiny one but it's there. And if they do, it will suck. But we won't go on strike. Promise. See...aren't you happy we don't own the show? Meredith stared at the glass of lemonade in front of her as her younger sister talked on and on about some class she was taking. And the professor. And the other people in the class. And how challenging the class was. At least, that's what Meredith thought her sister was talking about. It had been what she was talking about ten minutes before, but things might have changed. She was trying to listen. She was trying to be the good big sister and listen to whatever it was that her little sister was talking about. But she had slept with Derek. She had slept with him in an on call room and then in his office. Even though she said it was never going to happen at work again it had definitely happened at work again. And she didn't know what exactly to do now. She wanted to have sex with him again, that much she knew. He was good at it. Really, really good at it and the way he looked at her...yeah, it was amazing. But she had no idea what to do now. He was her boss. She was sleeping with her boss. It was kind of a big deal. A really big deal. And probably really bad. But she couldn't think about that now. Lexie. Lexie was talking. "And then my teacher started singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow in the middle of class," Lexie smiled widely. "Right...rainbow..." Meredith nodded, taking a bite of her sandwich. "In my other class the teacher figured we'd learn better about anatomy if we were naked so he had us all strip down and feel each other up." "That's great, Lexie," Meredith sighed, trying to get the image of Derek naked out of her head. "You're not listening." "What? Yes. I'm listening. Class. Rainbows." "Meredith, I just told you we all stripped down and felt each other up and you said it was great," Lexie pointed out. "You...what?" Meredith snapped her head up. "I said that we got naked and felt each other up and you said great." "I'm guessing that's not great." "You're guessing? Mer, what is it?" "What's what? Nothing's up. I didn't do anything. Or anyone." "Or anyone?" "Get your mind out of the gutter." "You're the one that said anyone. And I know you. When you say something like that it's always for a reason." "I slept with my boss. Twice." "You slept with Derek?" "Twice." "Wow, Mer," Lexie grinned. "Was he good?" "Amazing," Meredith groaned and then frowned. "Not that that's important. It's not. Not important at all. Because, well...yeah. Slept with my boss. Twice." "The fact he was amazing is usually the most important." "He's my boss." "Yes." "And I slept with him. Twice. In the hospital." "You did," Lexie nodded slowly, grinning. "And it was amazing." "It was," Meredith sighed. "Completely amazing. He does this thing...he bends me over his desk and...okay, not the point. The bending over the desk thing is not the point of the conversation. Not that it isn't completely amazing, it is. It's the best...okay, again. Boss. Sex. Twice. During work." "I'm missing the problem." "I can't have amazing bend over the desk sex at work with my boss." "Why not?" "Because he's my boss." "And you like him," Lexie grinned. "It's great." "I don't know if I like him," Meredith sighed. "You don't know?" "I...I don't know," Meredith nodded. "Or I do but...he wants more. Or something. And I don't..." "Wants more?" "More. Relationship more." "And that's...bad?" "Yes, Lexie, that's bad. That's really, really bad. I don't do relationships. At all. Definitely don't do relationships. I don't date. And I especially don't date my boss." "But Mer, I get that in the past things have been...hard and stuff. But...if you like him, you should give it a go." "He's my boss, Lexie." "That's a detail," Lexie shrugged. "If you really like him...you should over look that." "I can't, Lexie," Meredith shook her head. "And yeah...I like him. I think. I think I like him but it's big and scary and I can't date him. I don't date." "But you could." "No, I really couldn't. I really, really couldn't. I don't date. I've never...the point is, I don't date. And I couldn't date him. So now we're doing this sex only thing which is...well it's nice but he wants more and it's not fair. Because he doesn't get...I don't know if I'll be able to give him more and it's not fair. So yeah...not fair and...but I can't." "Meredith...minus the whole boss thing, why exactly can you not date him? What is with the not dating thing?" "I don't...I just don't date," Meredith shrugged. "Why?" "Because I...I don't. I never have and I just...I can't." "Why?" "Because I'm...I'm a busy intern. And I have my mom to deal with. I have issues. Lots of issues." "Busy people date all the time," Lexie shrugged. "I'm in med school and I would kill to date." "Lexie...seriously...just leave it." "No," Lexie shook her head. "You're my sister, I love you. And I want you to be happy. Derek could make you happy so no I'm not going to leave it. I wnat to know why you don't date." "Because I don't," Meredith shrugged. "No reason. I just don't. I'm not that type of girl." "Stop being Meredithy and talk." "It's...awkward." "You have to talk to someone," Lexie shrugged. "Right, because that someone should be my half-sister. My half-sister who had my dad and is relatively healthy. Besides that whole dorkiness thing. And the wide-eyed thing. But yeah...awkward." "So it's the dad thing isn't it?" "I guess." "Talk. I know it's awkward but who else are you going to talk to?" "I don’t need to talk. There's nothing to talk about. Thatcher left when I was five. He got you and Molly. And then he died right before I tried to make contact. That's it." "Meredith..." "What?" "If you can't be with Derek because of this it's something to talk about." "Lex, really, I'm fine. Good. Great. It's the daddy issue thing. Whatever. And he's my boss. Which is kind of more important than the dad thing. Which isn't even that big of a deal. Because Thatcher is dead. So really...not that big of a deal. I mean, well, his death is. That's a big deal. Cause he was your dad and he's dead but...the dad issue? Kind of a moot point or whatever." "No it's not," Lexie shook her head. "Yeah, it is." "Fine, don't talk," Lexie sighed. "But you can't keep letting what Dad did hurt your future." "I'm not," Meredith shook her head. "Lexie, I'm a surgical intern. And my mom has Alzheimer's. And my dad or ex-dad or whatever died. And I'm a surgical intern. I'm kind of really busy and...he doesn't need that. Derek. He doesn't need all that crap. He's bright and shiny and a morning person. I'm not. I'm not a morning person. Or...he doesn't need it. It's not about Thatcher." "How about you let him choose what he needs." "I don't know," Meredith groaned. "He's…him. And I'm...me. And I don't date. So I should probably end it. Right? I should end it." "Definitely not," Lexie shook her head. "I should," Meredith sighed. "I really should. I mean...he deserves more. More than just...sex. Even if it is really, really great sex." "And you're sure your never going to be able to give him more?" Lexe asked quietly. "I...I don't know." "Don't end it," Lexie shook her head. "Just...give it time." "What if...what if I can't?" Meredith sighed. "Seriously, Lexie. What if I can't give him...more. Or don't want to. I should end it. It's not fair to him." "Does he know where you stand right now?" Lexie asked. "He knows I don't date." "And he knows it's just sex?" "Yeah. He said...he said he'd wait. Which isn't fair. To him. Because maybe...maybe there's nothing to wait for. Maybe it will always be just sex. Which will make me the slutty intern screwing an attending. I have to end it." "Don't end it because of maybes," Lexie sighed. "He knows where you stand, you know where he stands. Just give it time to see where it goes. And if it doesn't change...than end it." "No, I really should just end it. I mean, just clean break. End it. Because sex with my boss is really bad anyway. Well, not the sex. The boss part." "Do you really want to do that?" "I...I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "I hate this. He's my boss. And I don't date. And he's incredibly...perfect. And honest. And great. And really good in bed." "You like him, Mer. Let that be enough for now." "Yeah…maybe. And the sex is really good." "Are you really considering giving up really good sex?" "I should." "No one should give up really good sex." "You have a point." "I always have a point." "Yeah, it's kind of annoying." "You love me." "Doesn't mean you're not annoying." "Yeah yeah," Lexie rolled her eyes. "I'm guessing you really didn't strip down in class and feel each other up?" "I don't know what kind of med school you went to, but no." "Just making sure," Meredith giggled. "Just needed to make sure you weren't listening," Lexie sighed. "Which I don't actually blame you for. If I was thinking of having sex I wouldn't be listening." "I wasn't thinking of having sex." "Of course not." "I was thinking of how bad it was to have great sex on a desk at work." "You had sex on a desk?" "I told you. He bent me over his desk." "Sorry. Trying to ignore the parts that make me jealous." "You're jealous that I'm having hot sex on a desk?" "Yeah." "It is really great by the way. Sex on a desk." "Well if you don't want it, I'll take it." "Seriously, Lexie. I'll kill you. And him. Hands off." "Well that says more than this entire conversation has." "What do you mean?" "I made a joke about sleeping with him and you're ready to kill me." "Because you're my little sister. And he's...my...boss I'm screwing." "Or because it's more than screwing." "It's not more than screwing, Lexie." "Sure it's not." "Seriously...kind of annoying." "Oh I love being right." "Why do I even waste my time talking to you?" "Because I'm your little sister and you love me and I let you use my room to sleep." "Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Give Derek a chance, Mer." "I'm screwing him. Which I shouldn't be doing. So that's a chance." "A real chance." "To do what?" "Be with him. Him be with you. Be happy." "I...maybe. We'll see. Right now, it's just sex." "Fine," Lexie sighed. "Fine," Meredith sighed. "Okay...no more about me. Or my great sex." "Why not?" "Because...something has to be going on with you. Talk." "Nothing is going on with me," Lexie shrugged. "Med school is hell but you know that. And I could definitely use some hot sex." "What happened to that guy...Jeff?" "He's a guy," Lexie sighed. "Apparently he doesn't want to get serious about any one girl." "I miss those guys," Meredith sighed. "You're odd." "You're the one who can't have sex unless you're in a relationship." "I don't see how that makes me odd," Lexie laughed. "You're the one that has an amazing guy and all you want is sex." "Okay a, you don't know if he's amazing and b," Meredith groaned as her pager went off. "And b...he just paged me for sex." "He just paged you for sex?" Lexie giggled. "Yes," Meredith nodded. "That's weird, right? I mean...paging for sex. That's...weird and dirty and...I should end it." "It's hot and dirty. Go." "Definitely going," Meredith nodded, standing up. "And then I'm ending it. After the hot dirty sex." "Don't be an idiot." "I'm not being an idiot." "You are if you end it." "Lexie. Boss. Sex. Paging for sex. It's wrong and dirty and...I have to end it. I should end it." "Fine," Lexie nodded. "Go have sex with him. And if you can look him straight in the eye and end it after sex, do so." "I will," Meredith nodded firmly, grabbing her purse. "Call me and let me know how it goes. The ending it part, not the hot sex part." "I will," Meredith said. "See you, Lex." "Bye Mer," Lexie grinned. Meredith sighed as she ran down the stairs of Lexie's apartment building and towards her car. She was having sex with Derek. Her boss. And he had just paged her for sex. On her day off. He probably didn't remember it was her day off. But he had paged her. For sex. This was bad. Really bad. Well, good. Because orgasms were generally good and she was about to get an orgasm, but still, bad. She had to end it. It didn't actually matter how much she liked the sex. And she definitely really liked the sex. The sex was amazing and possibly the best sex she had ever had ever. And she had had her fair share. But Derek was definitely the best. But still she had to end it. She had to tell him she couldn't do this and walk away. Because she couldn't sleep with her boss and he deserved more. He wanted more. He wanted a relationship and dating and...he wasn't the kind of guy who did sex only. So he definitely deserved more. More than a busy intern with mommy issues and daddy issues. And probably some intimacy issues. He definitely deserved more. So she had to end it. And she would. After the sex. The really incredible sex that was about to happen. She got to the hospital quickly, with Lexie living so close and headed up to his office, hoping she didn't run into anyone. Because she was an intern with crazy work hours and she figured that being at the hospital on her one day off looked entirely suspicious and she had no idea how she would handle that if anyone caught her. She had to get there, end it and get out. She ran up the stairs, thankful for not seeing anyone. Because yeah...bad. She couldn't wait for the good sex. She'd walk in, end it, walk out. Simple as that. Definitely that simple. Ending it was best. "I'm supposed to be off you know," she stated as she walked into his office, closing the door behind her. "And yet here you are," he smirked. "Normal people don't come to hospitals on their days off," she sighed. "No one ever said you were normal." "Thanks, Der," she rolled her eyes. "And we said no more at the hospital." "I was lonely," he shrugged. "So you page me for sex every time you're lonely? Don't you have lives to save or something?" "Actually...I just finished saving a life. I'm on a high." "Oh," she smiled slightly. "So this is post-surgery sex." "If you want to call it that," he smiled. "We don't need to have sex, we could just grab lunch." "You paged me on my day off for lunch?" she frowned. "Or sex. It's up to you." "We should probably talk," she sighed as he got out of his chair and moved towards her, his post-surgery high smirk on his face. "No, I don't think so," he shook his head. "What?" "I don't want to talk," he murmured, brushing his hand over her cheek. "But we...I mean, we should and talking and..." "We can talk later," he breathed, brushing his lips across hers. "I'm on a high and I want sex." "Oh," she moaned into his mouth as he gently forced her mouth open with his tongue, demanding entry. His hands moved down to the hem of her shirt as he turned her against his desk and she gasped as his hands moved over her breasts. Later. She'd definitely end it later. Farewell peace of mind Kiss goodbye to reason Up is down The impossible occurs each day This intoxication thrills me I only pray it doesn't kill me Disclaimer: We are too sleepy to think of a good disclaimer. So all we will say is that Paddy is the sex. And if we owned the show we'd be currently having sex with the sex. And yeah, we're not. Life is unfair. The elevator was entirely empty. He was leaning on the back looking at the empty space in front of him and all he could think about was how good of place this would be to have sex with Meredith. In an elevator. Which was odd, because he wasn't generally a guy who planned to have sex on elevators with a girl he'd rather be dating. But he was. And he was entirely happy with it. Or would be if Hannah didn't exist. Not that he was spending his days wishing his amazing five year old daughter didn't exist. He wasn't. Hannah was the number one thing in his life, nothing came before her. Which was why this whole sex only thing wasn't completely and totally working. He was enjoying it, entirely enjoying having sex all over the hospital. But when there was a kid involved...it wasn't right. Before Hannah he would have gone for this in a heart beat. Because he liked Meredith a lot, he wanted to date Meredith and be with her more than anything. But he would have been perfectly happy had she just suggested sex all over the hospital. His heart wasn't broken. He was good with the sex. He just wasn't good with all the sex considering the fact he had someone else to consider. Meredith kept suggesting sex at her place, or sex at his place, and he kept having to make up excuses. Because he couldn't have Meredith over for random sex when Hannah slept in the next room. Not even Mark brought home the girls he was sleeping with. And he couldn't spend the night at her house. Hannah expected him to be home. And Hannah was his number one responsibility. He had to tell Meredith about her. He had to make it clear that it wasn't that he didn't want to bring her home, he just couldn't bring her home for sex only. And that it wasn't that he didn't want to spend the night with her, he just had somewhere else that he should be. And he needed something more than sex to be with her because he had a daughter to think about. He needed her to know. He just had a terrible feeling that the second he told her, she'd end this. She would walk away and he wouldn't ever see her again. Well, he would see her again, but not in the way he wanted to see her. So telling her was impossible. But she needed to know. He needed to find a way to tell her and then find a way to convince her not to freak out. It was adorable when she freaked out, but he needed to convince her Hannah was not a reason to freak out. Or maybe she was because the fact he had a five year old daughter at home that completely depended on him was a pretty big deal but not big enough to run. He wanted Meredith to give it a chance. To at leat meet Hannah and see what it could be like. Because he knew already that Meredith was someone he'd be willing to introduce into his daughter's life, if she gave him half the chance. So he had to tell her. He'd tell her today. At some point, he would tell her. He'd tell her about his adorable five year old daughter who went to ballet class and had ten friends and who had a stuffed monkey named Nanners who wore a tutu. And he'd tell her the entire story. Today. Definitely today. He just hoped and prayed she wouldn't freak out. The elevator stopped a floor early and she walked on, giving him a quick smile. He should tell her. They were alone on the elevator and it was probably the perfect time. Although springing it on her first thing in the morning seemed slightly cruel. He could always page her later and tell her than. Talk like she had wanted to. "Hey," he finally smiled. "Hey," she turned, smiling back at him. "You look awake this morning," he grinned. "I got a lot of sleep last night," she shrugged. "And coffee." "Coffee is good," he nodded. "Ready for a long day full of surgeries and...other things?" "Other things?" she raised an eyebrow. "Yes," he nodded. "On call room things." "Oh, those things," she grinned. "Yes, those things," he laughed. "The ones that involve screaming." "I don't scream," she giggled. "You're kind of loud," he grinned. "Not screaming loud," she rolled her eyes. "And you're kind of loud too." "I am not." "You are," she giggled. "I have no idea what you're talking about." "Of course you don't." "I really don't," he shook his head. "I think you're just so loud you're trying to blame me." "I'm not that loud." "You are." "Okay, fine, whatever. But it's your fault." "I know it's my fault," he winked. "That thing you did yesterday, you know...the tongue thing...not my fault I screamed." "I'll take complete credit for that scream," he laughed. "Of course you will," she giggled. "So I was thinking...my room mates are working tonight." "Oh," Derek cleared his throat. "I...family stuff" "Oh," she bit her lip. "After family stuff then?" "It will probably go late and I have an early surgery tomorrow," he sighed, mentally kicking himself. He hated lying to her. He completely hated lying to her when she entirely deserved to know the truth. "Oh," she nodded. "Okay. That's...I mean, it's fine. You don't have to and...it's fine." "Sorry," he murmured. "I want to say yes." "Don't worry about it," she shrugged. "I do," he sighed. "I would love to get you for a night so I could really show you how good I can be." "I know you're good," she murmured, moving closer to him. "I'm good too." "Oh I know," he grinned. "Do you?" she breathed, her hand moving in between them to gently stroke him through his jeans. "Mer..." he gasped, feeling his jeans immediately tighten at her light touch. "Supply closet," she whispered in his ear, taking her hand away quickly as the elevator pinged, coming to a stop. Supply closet would definitely not involve talking. And he definitely had to talk to her. Except for now he was too damn hard to think straight enough to even imagne talking to her, let alone operating. Besides there was a very good chance she was going to never talk to him after he told her the thruth so he figured he might as well have her one last time. "Coming?" she breathed, smirking slightly as she moved off the elevator. "Definitely," he nodded, following behind her. "Dr. Shepherd, could you help me find an extra intubation kit?" she asked as she led him towards the supply room, a small smile on her face. "Certainly, Dr. Grey," he nodded, lightly biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. She opened the door and pulled him inside, closing the door quickly before pushing him against the door as she kissed him hard, her hand moving back down to quickly undo his jeans, pushing them over his hips, his boxers following quickly. He gasped as she wrapped her hand over his erection, still kissing him hard. "Derek," she breathed, biting on his lip as she massaged him. "Oh god, Mer," he groaned, his hips rocking into her as she stroked him gently. "Quiet," she giggled breathlessly before lowering herself onto her knees, one hand still moving over him as she licked the head of his penis slowly. "Mer...what....you....what?" he asked. "You did that thing with your tongue," she murmured, gently running her fingernails up and down his shaft, "now it's my turn." "Oh god," he gasped. "Shhh," she murmured, running her tongue up and down the length of him, her hand moving to grasp at his balls. He groaned as his hands reached down to tug at her hair, his knees already shaking with anticipation. She took him into her mouth slowly, sucking at him as his hips rocked, trying to push himself further into her mouth. "Mer...you...oh..." he breathed, his voice sounding shaky as she pulled back against and flicked his head with her tongue. "Slow," she murmured, squeezing at his balls before leaning forward to run her teeth over him, his erection throbbing almost painfully as she took a little bit more of him into her mouth, one hand moving to hold his hips in place against the door. Her tongue swirled around him before she pulled back again and ran her tongue along the underside of the shaft. "Oh fuck," he groaned, feeling his knees shake harder. "No fucking," she breathed, taking him into her mouth again. He gasped as his hips rocked against her hand, forcing her to take even more of him into her mouth. He grasped at her hair, pulling at it as her tongue worked over him, his knees shaking violently along with his hips. He pushed her head against his rocking hips, gasping as his erection met the back of her throat, as she sucked hard. "Mer....oh god," he gasped, holding her head steadier as his body rocked into her. He felt everything else start to go numb as she sucked at him, alternating between hard and soft as he pushed himself further into her mouth. "Hmm," she murmured, the vibrations sending shivers up and down his spine as her hand worked at his balls. His knees started to shake violently, the rest of his body following as his orgasm built. "Come for me, Der," she murmured, sucking harder. "Mer..." he gasped, as his body shuddered in release as he spilled into her mouth. She swallowed eagerly and then sat back on her heels, wiping her mouth discreetly as she smiled up at him. "You okay?" "O...o...wow," he breathed. "Wow?" she giggled, standing and kissing him lightly. "Wow." "Hmmm," she smiled, kissing him again. "Wow." "There are other words in the English language, Derek." "Yeah...wow." "You're not having a stroke are you?" she laughed as she ran her hand over his curls. "Maybe," he laughed breathlessly, and shaking his head quickly. "Did you...that was...I've never...that was the best ever." "Seriously?" "Seriously." "I’m glad I could help," she grinned. "Yeah," he nodded. "I should probably go," she sighed. "Rounds." "I hate rounds," he frowned. "Me too," she nodded. "I'll go out first. Hand me...something to take out with me. Or can you move?" "I think I can move," he nodded, stepping away slightly. "I'll umm...lunch or something, I'll repay you." "Okay," she grinned, kissing him quickly. "See you, Der." "Yeah," he nodded. "See you." "You okay?" she asked, her hand on the handle of the door. "Perfect," he smiled. "Just...waiting for the brain to restart." "Okay," she giggled. "Page me." She turned and left the room, leaving him to lean against the wall, trying to form coherent thoughts. He hadn't been lying, that had been amazing. He hadn't actually remembered his last blow job all that well but he knew it hadn't been anything compare to that. She was gone and his head was still swimming, completely and totally swimming. He couldn't think about talking or cutting or doing anything else besides standing there and trying to regretfully return to earth. He had surgeries. He had patients. He had paperwork and budgets to plan. But he couldn't move. He could barely breathe. His brain was entirely misfiring right now, which was perfectly fine. He was good with the inability to think right now. Because if he actually thought, he'd realize that he didn't want to talk to her yet. He couldn't talk to her about Hannah yet. He needed to, he knew that, he just couldn't. 'Cause I know baby I know you're the nervous kind With so much going on in your mind Disclaimer: The blog was worthless. There are no clips to the episode. The people who own the show are really dropping the ball, aren’t they? That should be proof enough that we don’t own the show. Meredith was exhausted. And sore. But the sore was a sore in a good way, the sore that came from entirely dirty sex against a sink in the washroom. She figured she'd have bruises tomorrow from that, but the sex had been...amazing. Risky, completely risky, but amazing and fast. Apparently a way for both of them to get out frustrations over patients or something. And now she was sore and waiting for the elevator. She still had to actually end this. Because she was having a lot of fun and the sex was entirely amazing. But Derek definitely wanted more. He kept giving her looks, looks that said something entirely different about wanting to have sex with her. So she had to end it. Or something. Because recently something seemed a lot better than ending it, and she just wasn't sure exactly how to go about any of this. A part of her wanted more. A lot more. She liked him. He was funny, hilariously funny and...kind of perfect. And the sex was great. Amazingly great. She was supposed to end this, she needed to end this but ending it was...it was getting impossible. He was her boss, her incredibly perfect boss, and she probably shouldn't be wanting more from him. Of course, she probably shouldn't be sleeping with him. But now it was getting harder. He would ask her to grab lunch, or even just a coffee, and he'd give her a look. And she wanted to grab whatever he wanted and talk to him and giggle and all that stuff she never did with a guy and really had no idea how to do. But she wanted it with Derek. Derek, her boss, which made it entirely wrong even if she was the most bright and shiny person alive. She sighed as she moved into the elevator, leaning her head against the wall. She definitely couldn't be wanting more. More was bad. He gave her looks, amazing looks and he was her boss. It was wrong. Completely wrong. And yet...she was starting to thing more might be right. More might be okay. "Can I press the button?" she heard a tiny voice behind her. "Oh," Meredith frowned, turning around to find an adorable little girl with brown curly hair, smiling up at her. "Ummm...okay." "What number?" the little girl asked, stepping forward as the elevator doors closed. "Four please," Meredith smiled. "Me too!" the girl grinned, pressing the button eagerly. "Oh," Meredith nodded slowly, looking around the elevator that entirely empty besides the two of them and then looking at the girl who was obviously too young to be in a hospital alone. "Where's your mommy or your daddy?" The little girl shrugged as she looked up at the numbers. "Are you a doctor?" she asked after a second. "I am," Meredith nodded. "I never seened you before," the little girl said slowly. "What's your name?" "I'm Meredith. What's your name?" "Hannah," she smiled widely. "Have you seen my daddy, Mereith?" "Oh umm...I don't know. Who is your daddy?" Meredith asked. "He does hemistomies," Hannah grinned. "He does hemis...what?" "Hemistomies," Hannah nodded. "My daddy's real smart. So's my Uncle Monkey. Do you know where my Uncle Monkey is?" "You have an Uncle Monkey?" "Yep. He's the bestest. Well, my daddy's the bestest. Uncle Monkey is the next bestest." "Umm okay," Meredith nodded slowly. "I gotta find them," Hannah said. "I got a loose tooth, see?" She reached her finger up to her mouth to wiggle her tooth. "Oh wow," Meredith smiled. "Is that your first loose tooth?" "Yep. My very first one. Mrs. Pruitt said the tooth fairy will come and Nana said I gotta tell Daddy soon as I get to the hopital. So I gotta find Daddy and Uncle Monkey cause I got a loose tooth." "Okay," Meredith nodded, watching the doors as the elevator passed by the third floor. "I can help you find them." "Really?" Hannah grinned. "Good. Cause I been looking all over the place. Maybe Daddy's doing hemistomies." "Maybe," Meredith nodded. "And Uncle Monkey might have a sleepover cept it's not night time so he can't have a sleep over when it's still bright. Right, Mereith? He can't have sleep overs when the sun's still out. He's gotta wait for it to get dark and for the stars to come out. My nana says the stars come out to play cause it's real dark and I'm kinda scared of the dark so God sends out the stars so I'm not scared." "Oh umm.." Meredith stammered. Hannah was talking a lot. She was actually kind of rambling, but Meredith figured kids didn't ramble. Not that she had any idea. She didn't know kids, she had no idea about children unless it was in a doctor capacity. Or Laura. But Laura was a baby, not a little girl walking around the hospital alone. "Stars...night...yeah, that's good." "But Daddy buyed me a balleina night lite case I get scared when my curtains are closed at night. So now I have a balleina night lite. I like ballet. I go to ballet on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Daddy says I'm the very bestest balleina ever cept I think that's Angelina Balleina." "Oh," Meredith nodded. "I...you're probably really good. And if you have fun...fun is what matters." "I have lots and lots and lots of fun," Hannah nodded as the doors opened. "We're here! C'mon, Mereith!" She grabbed Meredith's hand and dragged her out of the elevator. "Coming," Meredith nodded, trying to keep up with the girl's pace. "We gotta find Daddy and Uncle Monkey," Hannah said. "I gotta tell Daddy about my loose tooth and the tooth fairy. But I can't tell him Nana gave me cookies. Daddy doesn't like when I eat lots of cookies cause cookies got lots of sugar. You won't tell him about my cookies right, Mereith?" "Of course not," Meredith nodded, looking around the hallways to see if anyone seemed to be looking for a little girl. Everyone was smiling at her. But no one was claiming her. "Good," Hannah grinned and then stopped by the nurse's station. "Hi, Tyler!" "Hi Hannah," Tyler smiled. "Looking for your daddy?" "Yep," Hannah nodded quickly. "I got a loose tooth, see?" Her hand went up to her mouth to show Tyler. "Wow!" Tyler grinned. "Your daddy is going to be happy. I think he just scrubbed out." "Did he do a hemistomies?" "Hannah?" another voice interrupted Tyler's answer. "Why aren't you in daycare?" "Daddy!" Hannah grinned, turning around to jump into Derek's arms. "I got a loose tooth!" "You do?" Derek smiled widely. "Let me see." "See?" Hannah opened her mouth wide, wiggling her top front tooth. "Wow," Derek grinned. "That's pretty cool, Hannah Banana." "I know," she giggled. "Nana said I gotta tell you soon as I get here. And the tooth fairy. Cause when my tooth falls the tooth fairy's gonna give me a whole dollar! Nana said." "Oh Nana said that, did she?" "Yep," Hannah nodded firmly. “A whole dollar!” "That's pretty cool," Derek nodded, finally tearing his eyes away from Hannah to look at Meredith finally. "Hi." “Daddy, that’s Mereith,” Hannah said before Meredith could say anything. “She’s my new friend. She’s a doctor like you. Mereith, this is my Daddy!” Meredith just stared at them. "Mer...I...this is my daughter, Hannah," Derek said quietly. Daughter. He had a daughter. He had a kid. A really cute kid who seemed to have a rambling problem. And he had never said a word. But he had a kid. She was sleeping with him and he wanted to date and he had a kid. A kid. This was...her boss had a kid. Which meant her boss probably had a wife or something. Because kids had moms and dads. So her boss was probably now her married boss. This was...bad. She had been sleeping with him, a lot of sleeping with him, every where in the hospital. And he could be married, there was a very real possibility that he was married. Or something. Even if he wasn't, he had a daughter. Derek was a dad, with a daughter that was right now clinging to him like he was her world. Which was sensible, as well, she was his daughter that he had never told her about. “Daddy, where’s Uncle Monkey?” Hannah asked. “I gotta tell him about my loose tooth!” "I think he's in surgery, honey," Derek sighed. "We'll have to tell him later." “He’s doing rhinopasties,” Hannah turned to Meredith. “He fixes people who look bad. He wants to fix Daddy’s nose but Daddy says no. If my nose was like Daddy’s nose I’d let Uncle Monkey fix it. But my nose isn’t like Daddy’s nose.” "Mark," Derek explained quietly. “Oh,” Meredith nodded. Of course. Mark. Mark Sloan was Uncle Monkey. And he fixed noses. But Hannah didn’t have Derek’s nose. She looked almost exactly like him, but she definitely didn’t have his nose. Which meant she had her mom’s nose. The mom Derek could still be married to. Or something. Because he had a kid. A kid who didn’t have his nose. A kid who looked exactly like him. "And young lady, you need to get back to daycare," Derek sighed before turning to Meredith and mouthing a quick sorry. "Meredith, come with us." “Yeah, Mereith, come with us!” Hannah nodded. “I left Nanners in daycare case Lynn thought I wasn’t coming back. But I was coming back. I can’t leave Nanners. Nanners would hate me forever and ever if I left her in daycare and didn’t come back. So you can see Nanners!” "Yes, come see Nanners," Derek smiled slightly, definitely pleading with her with his eyes. He was giving her that look. The McDreamy look. And apparently he had taught his daughter how to do it too because she was giving her the look too. And it was strange and weird but she nodded and followed behind Derek as Hannah rambled to him about school. School. So she was old enough to be in school. She was probably around five. Derek had a five year old daughter. A secret five year old. "You're going to ask for a doll house for Christmas now, aren't you?" Derek laughed gently. “Yep, a great big one!” Hannah grinned. “Not as big as our house but real big, Daddy. But Christmas isn’t for a real long time, Daddy. And I don’t have a dollhouse.” "No you don't," Derek shook his head. "Hence asking for one for Christmas." “I can’t have one now?” "I don't know, Han," Derek sighed. "That's a pretty gift just because." “But it’s real cool and I’ll keep my room clean and everything!” she insisted. “Mereith, do you like dollhouses? My school has one and it’s big and real cool and pwetty. And I want one real bad.” "Oh..umm..." Meredith mumbled. "Yeah...cool." “If I get one then you can come over and play,” Hannah smiled at Meredith. “Can’t she, Daddy? She’s my friend.” "Of course she can," Derek nodded. "If she wants to." “Mereith, you wanna play right?” "Maybe...I...maybe," Meredith nodded. Because she wasn't even sure exactly what the question had been because her head was swirling around and she wasn't quite sure it was possible to say no to the little girl with Derek's eyes. “Maybe means yes,” Hannah giggled. “Daddy, I think when I lose my tooth the tooth fairy should give me a dollhouse, not a whole dollar.” "Hannah Banana, the tooth fairy can't give you a dollhouse," Derek laughed. “Why not?” she laughed. Derek’s laugh. She definitely had Derek’s laugh. And Derek’s smile. And Derek’s eyes. "Because you put your tooth under your pillow and she takes it and put that dollar there instead. How would she put a dollhouse under your pillow?" “It wouldn’t fit,” Hannah pouted. "Exactly," Derek nodded. "But Santa could fit it under the tree." “But Santa’s not coming for a real long time, Daddy!” "It's not that long," Derek shook his head, smiling warmly at his daughter. "It's nearly October. And that's just two months." “October. That means Hallween!” "It does," Derek smiled. "Are you going to be a ballerina again?" “I’m gonna be pwincess balleina,” Hannah sighed. “Uncle Monkey said I should be a dead balleina but that’s sad and stupid, Daddy. Right?” "It's kind of a good idea, very creative. But a princess ballerina is an even better idea." “I think so too,” Hannah nodded. “Mereith, are you gonna be somethin’ for Hallween? You can trick or treat with me and Daddy and Uncle Monkey.” "Oh umm...oh," Meredith mumured. "I...uh...maybe." “And you can get lots and lots of candy,” Hannah smiled widely as they came to the nursery. “I like candy. Daddy won’t let me eat it all. Cause candy’s sugar. Do you like candy, Mereith?” "Candy...good," Meredith nodded. “Candy’s the bestest,” Hannah said. “Daddy, do I gotta go back to daycare? Can’t I stay with you, please?” "You can't, Han," Derek sighed, frowning slightly at his daughter. "I miss you though." “I’ll miss you too, Daddy,” Hannah sighed, hugging him tightly. “Love you mostest.” "I love you mostest too," Derek breathed into her hair. "I'll be done soon and we can go home." “Can we have hot dogs for dinner?” "Sure," Derek nodded. "But only if you eat some carrots too." “Fine,” she sighed dramatically. “Mereith, will you come see me sometimes? Please?” "Oh umm....sure, maybe...I...mean...maybe," Meredith answered. “Kay,” Hannah nodded. “Bye, Mereith.” "Bye Hannah," Meredith nodded. “Bye, Daddy!” Hannah exclaimed as Derek put her down and she ran back into daycare. Her brown curls bouncing behind her. Meredith sighed and leaned against the wall as Derek watched his daughter for a second. He looked entirely happy. He looked at her like she was his everything. Which...yeah it made sense. It did. Except normal people didn’t hide their everythings. "Come on," he sighed, pulling himself away from the door of the daycare. "I'm buying you a coffee." “No,” she shook her head. “It’s...I don’t need coffee. I’m fine. Work. I should...and you should work too. So you can go home and spend time with...with your daughter.” "I'm buying you a coffee because we need to talk," Derek sighed, grabbing her hand. “Derek...Dr. Shepherd, it’s fine.” "Meredith, we're talking," he groaned. "You're not actually getting an option here so you might as well stop trying to find one." “Fine,” she rolled her eyes, following him. He had a kid. A kid and now he was going to talk. Probably tell her he had a wife too. A wife and a kid. Or maybe an ex-wife and a kid. Either way, there was a kid. And it was kind of a big deal. Actually, a huge deal. And she had no idea how to deal with this. He ordered their coffees quickly and led her outside, where for once it wasn't raining. It was Seattle and it wasn't raining. "So I have a daughter," Derek sighed. “You don’t have to explain, Derek,” she shook her head. “I mean, I’m just the slutty intern you’ve been sleeping with. How does Hannah’s mom feel about that, by the way?” "I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel anything about that," Derek shrugged. "I haven't seen her in five years. I have no idea where she is." Okay, she hadn’t been expecting that. Not at all. “You...what?” "There's no mother in the picture," Derek shrugged. "Just me. And Mark. And my mom and sisters." “How can...she has a mom, Derek. Everyone has a mom.” "Actually, as Mark puts it, Hannah has an egg donor," Derek sighed, sitting down on a bench. "Sit down so we can actually talk about this." “Hannah has an egg donor,” she said slowly, sitting down next to him. "She does," Derek nodded slowly. "Her mother is a woman I dated casually during my residency. Her name's Liz." “Liz. And you dated her casually and now you have a kid.” "We had been together a couple of months and she found out she was pregnant. She didn't want her, she had no interest in having her. And me...I wanted a child. I had always wanted a child." “Okay,” Meredith nodded carefully, her head still swimming. "We were...done," Derek shrugged. "She wasn't a great love, I wasn't going to fall in love with her anytime soon. But there was Hannah. We talked. She agreed that she would give Hannah to me and I'd raise her alone." “Give her to you? What does that...what does that even mean? Give her to you?” "She signed over all her parental rights. For all technical purposes...Hannah doesn't have a mom." “She...she just signed some papers and that was it?” "That was it," Derek nodded. "Hannah is entirely mine. She can't come back, she can't do anything. When Hannah's older...if she wants to find her, I'll help. But...there's no ex-wife, no broken heart...definitely no current wife." “Oh,” Meredith breathed. "And I was going to tell you about her." “But you didn’t. You hid her from me. I mean, I guess we weren’t...we weren’t talking or anything. But you...she’s your daughter. And I didn’t...you didn’t tell me.” "I wasn't hiding her," Derek shook his head quickly. "I was...I protect her, I've spent the last five years of my life protecting her. And when I meet a woman, I don't tell her about Hannah until I know that it's serious, or that I want it to be. I was going to tell you. I was just looking for the right time." “You were looking for right time,” Meredith murmured, staring into her coffee cup. He wanted to be serious. He wanted to date her and be serious and he had a daughter. A daughter who didn’t have a mother. And he wanted to be serious. It was...insane. Completely insane and...he had a daughter. A five year old who talked a lot and who he protected and he wanted to be serious. "I know this is big, I get that," Derek nodded. "I have a daughter." “You have a daughter,” Meredith nodded. “You have a daughter who looks like you and kind of rambles. Well, maybe not. Maybe that’s how all kids act and I just don’t know it because I don’t do kids. I don’t get kids. I mean, I have a niece. But she’s...she’s a baby and they don’t talk. Babies. Don’t talk. And you have a daughter. And I...you have a daughter who doesn’t have a mom.” "She does ramble," Derek smiled slightly. "You two could have...odd conversations. And Mer...I'm...I'm not looking at you to be her mom. I mean...I just want you to give us a chance. And it is us. It's me and Hannah." “You and Hannah. You want me...and I...you have a daughter. You have a five year old daughter and I don’t...I mean...you have a daughter. And that’s kind of a really big deal. A really big huge deal and we’ve been...it’s kind of huge.” "I know," he sighed. "Understand why I didn't want this to be just sex?" “Because you have a daughter.” "Exactly. It's not just me I have to worry about." “You have a daughter,” she couldn’t stop saying it. Because a couple months ago he had been her boss. And then she had been sleeping with her boss. And now he was her boss with a kid. And she was sleeping with him. And he had to worry about his daughter. "You keep saying that," he nodded. "I had figured there'd be more rambling." “I just...you have a daughter.” "I know," he nodded. "What are you thinking?" “I don’t know,” she shook her head. “I’m thinking you have a daughter. I’m thinking I don’t even...I don’t talk to kids. I don’t...I’ve never wanted kids and you have a daughter. And I’ve been screwing you all over the hospital. And you have a daughter. And I don’t know. I don’t...I can’t do this. I can’t...I’m an intern. And you’re my boss. And you have a daughter.” "Meredith...forget about that boss and intern thing, we're past that," Derek said firmly, keeping his voice gentle. "You really don't do kids?" “I...I’ve never...I have a niece. And she’s a baby and I hold her sometimes but...the only time I even talk to kids is when they’re hurt and I’m fixing them and I...I don’t....I’ve never done kids. I don’t even think I want kids. Which is...” "Makes this even harder," he said quietly. “Yeah. And you like kids. And you want kids. And you have a kid and I don’t do kids and...she deserves someone who wants kids.” "She does," Derek nodded. "But...you just...do you not like kids? Or do you just not know kids? Because there's a difference." “I don’t know,” Meredith sighed. “They seem...I mean I like them when I’m taking care of them here. But...I don’t know. I’d probably screw up a kid beyond belief.” "You wouldn't," Derek shook his head. "I've seen you with enough patients...you'd be good." “Derek...no,” she shook her head. “You don’t...I’m dark and twisty. Like...my dad and my mom and...I’d screw up kids. Really bad. And I...I never wanted kids. And you have a daughter.” "Give her a chance, Mer," Derek sighed. “Derek I...” she shook her head. “I’m sorry.” "Meredith...I like you. A lot." “I know,” she whispered. "I know the fact I have a daughter is big and scary," he whispered. "I get that, I do. I'm just asking for a chance here." “I can’t.” "Why?" “I just...you have a daughter. And I don’t...I can’t...I’m sorry.” "So am I," he murmured. “I do...you’re...and she’s...but I...” Meredith bit her lower lip and stood. “I’m sorry.” "Mer..." “What?” "Don't do this." “I can’t be her mom.” "I'm not asking you to be her mom. I'm asking for a few dates to see where this goes." “I don’t think I can.” "Okay," he nodded. “I’m sorry,” she breathed, looking around quickly before leaning forward and kissing him. "I'm not giving up, Mer," he whispered against her lips. “You really should,” she murmured. "I can't." “You have a daughter,” she sighed, kissing him again before pulling away. “I’ll see you later, Dr. Shepherd.” "See you, Dr. Grey," he nodded. She turned and walked away, her chest hurting a little. She didn’t know why it was hurting, or why she was trying to fight back tears. He had a kid. A kid whose mother had left her. And Hannah was cute, she was adorable, but she deserved someone who wanted kids. And Meredith wasn’t...he had a kid. And she didn’t know how to deal with that. “This is the day when everything changes…”



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:06 PM Post #6
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: Fanfics rock. They really do. Because we haven't really gotten what we want Mer/Der wise since Season 1 so fanfics are amazing to turn to. If we owned the show, which we would fully support fanfics, we'd hope to god people wouldn't have to turn to them. Well unless they're a Gizzie fan...as we don't do that shit. Daughter. Daughter. Daughter. The word had been playing on repeat in her head for the past two days. Derek had a daughter. The man she had been nearly willing to date had an entirely adorable five year old daughter that had his eyes and his hair and from all she could see, his personality. She was adorable. Derek's daughter was adorable. And made everything far too hard to think about. She had been trying to think about other things. About work. About her friends. Her mom. Anyone but Derek and his daughter. Daughter. The daughter without a mother. A daughter. She couldn’t wrap her mind around that. Derek was a dad. She didn’t know why it surprised her so much. She had seen him with kid patients before, he was good with them. But he was a dad. He had never said anything, he had never even given any sign. Well besides the mysterious phone calls, it explained why the man was on the phone all the time. And why he always seemed to have to get somewhere right after work and the lack of being able to sleep at each other's houses. It actually explained a lot when she put it in context, but really, there had been no hints. He had never mentioned her. Not once. He had never actually hinted that he had a five year old daughter in day care. And then suddenly he had a daughter. And he wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her because he wanted to be serious with her. Which...that blew her mind. She had no idea how to take care of a kid. No idea how to be a mom. No idea how to be serious with a dad. And Hannah was obviously Derek's number one, which she should be, but it mean she deserved a lot more than someone who had no idea how to be a mother. And it meant Derek did too. This wasn't even fair to Derek. It wasn't fair that she couldn't give Derek what he wanted because he had a daughter. She knew it wasn't fair but she couldn't do it. She had no idea how to do it. “Meredith?” Susan put a glass of wine in front of her. “Are you all right?” "Oh...umm...fine," Meredith nodded quickly. "Just...long week. It's been a really long week." “Do you need to talk about it?” Susan asked as Lexie sat down next to Meredith, a concerned look on her face. "No, there's no...I have...no..." Meredith shook her head. "Derek has a daughter." “What?” Lexie gasped. "Derek has a daughter. A five year old. A completely adorable five year old. That looks like him. And he's her world. You can tell, he's her world and she's his word and Derek has a daughter and wants to be with me." “Who exactly is Derek?” Susan frowned. "Meredith's boss," Lexie explained. "That she likes and he likes her." “And he has a daughter. A five year old. And he was going to tell me. He only tells people when he wants to get serious with them. And he wanted to tell me.” "Did you meet her?" Lexie asked. “Yes,” Meredith sighed. “Accidentally. Completely accidentally. She escaped daycare and she was looking for him and I met her in the elevator and...she’s adorable.” "What does she look like?" “Like...him. Brown curls, big blue eyes...she looks like him. Except her nose. She doesn’t have his nose. But she looks like him.” "That's like a cute festival," Lexie grinned. “Lexie,” Meredith groaned. “Not cute. Well, yeah, cute. Totally cute. And he loves her. He worships her and she worships him but...seriously...cute but not the point.” "What exactly is the point?" Molly asked. “The point is, he has a daugher,” Meredith stated firmly as she took a bite of a carrot. “A daughter. A five year old daughter. That’s the point.” "How is that the point?" Lexie frowned. “How is it not the point? He has a daughter. And he wants to be serious. And I...he wants to be serious. Which means I’d have a kid or something and I don’t...I can’t have a kid.” "It's a big step," Susan nodded. “Exactly. A big huge step,” Meredith sighed. “Huge, huge step. And he has a daughter. I was going to...but it doesn’t matter. Because he has a five year old. And I don’t do kids. I don’t even want kids.” "You don't want kids?" Lexie frowned. “Not really. No.” "But you adore Laura," Molly pointed out. “She’s a baby,” Meredith countered. “I hold her for ten minutes and then give her back to you.” "Are you planning on having nothing to do with her when she gets older?" Molly asked. “Well...no,” Meredith sighed. “But you’re her mom. She has a mom. I’m just her crazy aunt.” "And you would just be Derek's girlfriend," Lexie pointed out. “No, I definitely would be more than that. I think I really would.” "That's not neccesarily a bad thing," Lexie shrugged. “Yeah, yeah it’s definitely a bad thing,” Meredith shook her head. “I’m...I can’t be a mom. I can’t take of a kid.” "You don't actually know that," Lexie sighed. “Where is her mother?” Susan asked. "She's gone," Meredith murmured. "She didn't want...there basically is no mother. She just...left. She left when Hannah was born and it's been her and Derek ever since." “Oh,” Molly sighed, looking down awkwardly. It was still a weird point between them. Even years later, it was still a weird point that their father had left Meredith. And any mentions of it always made meals go awkward. "She's never been in Hannah's life?" Lexie asked gently. “No, never,” Meredith whispered. “At least, I don’t think so.” "And he wants to be with you?" Lexie breathed. “He wants to be with me,” Meredith groaned. “Which means...it means things. Things I can’t do. Things...I can’t. I don’t know how and she’s...she wants a mom and I can’t be a mom.” "It's understandable that you're afraid," Susan nodded. “Thank you,” Meredith sighed. "But..." Susan sighed. "Letting someone new into your children's lives that young is a big deal. It's not even easy to think about. I don't know how well you know each other, but if he's willing to take that step, his feelings probably run deep." “But they can’t,” Meredith shook her head. “We’ve just been...friends. Or something. And it’s big. It’s big for him and it’s big for me and it’s big for his five year old daughter. Daughter. I can’t do that. I can’t just walk in and try to be a mom. I don’t know how to be a mom. So it’s just...we ended it. I ended it.” "How did he take it?" Lexie asked. “I...he was...he said he’d keep fighting,” Meredith sighed. “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word no.” "He wouldn't keep fighting if he thought for a second you'd be bad for his daughter," Molly pointed out. “He doesn’t know...things.” "He doesn't need to know things to know he feels comfortable with you around his daughter." “If he knew things,” Meredith stated, “if he knew about my mom and Thatcher...but mostly about my mom...he doesn’t know things.” "You could always tell him," Lexie shrugged. "Let him makes up his own mind." “It doesn’t matter, Lexie,” Meredith shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t be a mom to her. And she needs a mom. She’s probably dark and twisty and she...she needs a mom. And Derek deserves someone who can do that.” "So this is how you and Derek end?" Lexie frowned. “Yes, no. We weren’t...we’ve never been anything.” "That's just sad, you really liked him." “Yeah, I...I did,” Meredith murmured. "And you're just throwing that away because he has a daughter?" Molly asked. “I’m not throwing it away,” Meredith shook her head. “He deserves someone who can do this. Who isn’t afraid to give him more. And she deserves that too.” "Meredith, what the man deserves is whatever he wants," Susan said gently. "And I entirely understand why you're nervous to become involved, I do. But if you really like him, don't let this ruin it for you." “I’m not going to screw up a kid because I like her dad.” "Don't be ridiculous," Susan groaned. "You aren't going to screw her up." “I could. I probably would. She’s...I mean she’s already mom-less. And not having a parent...it screws with you and I don’t...I don’t want it to get worse. And I could. It’s not like I’ve had the best example of how a mom is supposed to be.” "You don't actually have any idea of what kind of mom you would be," Lexie pointed out. "Your mom was crap...but you're not her." “She’s all I had,” Meredith sighed. "It doesn't mean you're going to be her," Lexie argued. "From what you've said...you're nothing like her." “I’m dark and twisty. That screws up a kid enough,” Meredith stated. “And maybe I’m not like my mom, I don’t know. Either way, I can’t be a mom to a five year old. I can’t.” "Why not?" Lexie frowned. “Because Lexie...I can’t. I don’t know how to be a mom. She deserves that. And Derek right now...he doesn’t know. I’ve already said all of this.” "Lexie, let it drop," Susan nodded. "Becoming a mother is hard enough, becoming a mother of a five year old is even harder. If Meredith doesn't feel ready for it that is her right." “Thank you, Susan,” Meredith smiled slightly. "It doesn't mean I approve Meredith," Susan shook her head. "Don't write the poor man off because he has a child." “He’s also my boss,” Meredith said lamely, ignoring the voice in her head that sounded like Derek telling her that didn’t matter anymore. "I'm pretty sure that is completely beside the point," Lexie laughed. “He’s my boss with a kid.” "Does the fact he's your boss make it against the rules?" Susan asked. “Yes,” Meredith nodded firmly. “Very against the rules. Wrong. Completely wrong.” "It's not against the rules," Lexie sighed. “Yeah it is, Lexie.” "And that didn't bother you before with all the meetings in on call room and offices and supply closets." “Lexie!” Meredith gasped, choking on her wine. "Mer, I just want you to be happy," Lexie sighed. “I know,” Meredith nodded. “But seriously...Susan...fake mommy...right here.” "Oh she's fine with it," Lexie shrugged. “Well...whatever,” Meredith sighed. “Boss. Boss with a kid. And now this conversation is done.” "For now," Lexie nodded. “Forever. Done conversation. Derek and I...done. Over. That’s it.” "Sure it is," Lexie nodded. “It is.” "Okay." “Okay,” Meredith nodded. “So how’s Laura?” "Laura is good," Molly laughed. "I put her down right before you got here." “Good, that’s good. Sleeping babies are good.” "They are," Molly nodded. "When she wakes up you can go check on her." “Yeah,” Meredith sighed staring into her wine glass as Susan started talking about Laura smiling. Daughter. The word didn’t stop in her head. Derek had a daughter. He had a daughter and he liked her a lot. And he wasn’t going to stop chasing. But he had a daughter, a daughter without a mother, and she missed him. She missed him, but she couldn’t be with him. She had no idea how to be with him and Hannah. For every piece of me that wants you Another piece backs away. Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy the season would be uber long because we love writing this stuff so much we'd be spewing out new episodes left right and center. Instead of 25 it would be like....50. Derek smiled as he felt Hannah’s arms tighten around his neck. It was ten thirty at night, and she had spent the last two hours curled up in a ball in his office, sleeping as he finished up paperwork. He hadn’t meant to stay that late, he hated staying this late when she was at the hospital. “Daddy?” she suddenly murmured into his neck. "Yeah, Han?" he whispered. “I was real good. Can I have ice cream?” "You were real good," he nodded. "But it's a little too late to have ice cream tonight. How about we do it tomorrow after school?" “Promise?” she asked, yawning slightly as she pulled back to look at him. "Promise," he smiled. “No being doctor instead of daddy?” "No being a doctor instead of a daddy," he shook his head. "I'm done right before you're done school." “Okay,” she sighed as he carried her into the elevator. “I got ballet tomorrow, Daddy.” "You do," he nodded. “Are you gonna watch me?” "I am," Derek smiled widely. “Good,” she grinned. “I’m the bestest, Daddy. Even my teacher said so.” "The teacher said that?" “Yep.” "Wow." “I know,” she smiled, wiggling in his arms. “Put me down. I wanna press the button.” "Of course," he nodded, putting her down on the ground. “G, right?” "G." “Okay,” she smiled, pressing the button. “Daddy, are you gonna dress up for Hallween?” "Do you want me to dress up?" “Yeah,” she nodded. “You and Uncle Monkey.” "Can I dress up as a surgeon?" “No, Daddy,” she giggled. “You dress up as a surgeon all the time!” "I tried," he laughed. "I will figure something out." “Uncle Monkey too?” "You'll have to ask him," Derek laughed. “Uncle Monkey can be a monkey,” she giggled again, reaching up to grasp his hand. "Uncle Monkey is always a monkey." “But he needs a cosume.” "He does," Derek nodded. "We'll figure that out this weekend." “Okay,” she nodded. “We’re gonna have a party at school, Daddy. A Hallween party. I gotta bring something.” "When is the party?" “Um...October twenty-five.” "Okay," Derek nodded. "We'll figure that out too." “Emily’s gonna bring cupcakes,” she reported. “Chocolate cupcakes with orange spwinkles.” "That sounds yummy," Derek grinned. “Very yummy,” she smiled as the doors opened. “And Jeffrey’s bringing chips. And Sean’s bringing somethin to drink. And Amanda’s bringing mashmellows.” "We'll figure something out, honey." “Can I bring cookies with pumpkins on them?” "That's a good idea," Derek nodded. “And I gotta dress up cause we’re gonna have a parade.” "Wow," Derek grinned. "You still want to be a ballerina princess?" “Course I do, Daddy.” "Oh of course," Derek laughed. “What else would I be?” she asked, pulling him towards the doors. "I don't know. Sorry I asked." “Silly Daddy.” "I know," Derek laughed. "Too much paperwork." “Why do you gotta do paperwork, Daddy? You’re a doctor. You gotta do hemistomies.” "I do," he nodded. "But when you do hemispherectomies you have to do a whole bunch of paperwork too." “Why?” "It's part of the job." “But you’re a doctor.” "I am," Derek grinned. "But I have to do paperwork too." “But...Mereith!” Hannah suddenly exclaimed, letting go of Derek’s hand. “Mereith!” Derek looked up to see Meredith standing frozen in front of them as Hannah ran toward her. He hadn't actually talked to Meredith since he had told her about Hannah. Not because he was giving up, he was just giving her space. Space to really process everything so he hadn't talked to her at all. "Oh...hi Hannah," Meredith said awkwardly. “Hi, Mereith!” Hannah grinned, throwing her arms around Meredith’s waist. “I haven’t seened you in forever!” "Oh umm...it's been...a week," Meredith murmured, letting a hand fall onto Hannah's back. “A week is a real long time,” Hannah nodded. “Daddy said a week is seven sleeps. That’s a lot of sleeps. That means I went to sleep seven times. How come you didn’t come visit me, Mereith? I don’t got a dollhouse yet cause Daddy said not yet, I gotta wait for Santa. But I got lots of other toys. I got tea party and lots of ballet stuff and dolls and fishing stuff and cards.” "Oh...wow," Meredith nodded. "And I...I've been busy. Work keeps me busy." “Cause you’re a doctor,” Hannah nodded. “Like my daddy and Uncle Monkey and Aunt Kat and Aunt Nancy...Uncle Monkey calls Aunt Nancy Nancy-pants and it makes her real mad and it’s funny. Uncle Monkey’s crazy though, Daddy says. Do you do hemistomies, Mereith? Or rhinopasties?” "I do....I'm an intern so umm everything," Meredith shrugged. “Everything?” Hannah’s eyes went wide as she turned to Derek. “Wow, Daddy. Mereith does everything. That means she’s real good, right?” "It means she's an intern," Derek smiled. "Remember I told you about them? They get to try a little bit of everything." “Oh,” Hannah nodded and then turned back to Meredith. “My daddy does hemistomies and Uncle Monkey does rhinopasties. Rhinopasties fixes noses and hemistomies fixes brains when they’re broken. Did you know a brain could get broken? I didn’t know that, Mereith. But my daddy fixes brains with hemistomies. He’s the bestest. But he’s gotta do paperwork too.” "He does," Meredith nodded, smiling slightly. “That’s why I’m not sleeping yet. I was sleeping in Daddy’s office but then he woke me up and I got to press the button. Mereith, do you gotta work tomorrow?” "I do have to work tomorrow," Meredith nodded. “At night time?” "Oh umm...no," Meredith shook her head. “Me and Daddy and Uncle Monkey are gonna get ice cream,” Hannah nodded. “And now you too!” "I'm what?" Meredith asked. “Gonna get ice cream.” "Hannah..." Derek sighed. "You don't have to, Mer. She's just...you don't have to." “It’s gonna be fun,” Hannah smiled at Meredith. “I get chocolate and vanilla with chocolate spwinkles. Do you like ice cream, Mereith?” "I...yeah, I like ice cream," Meredith murmured. "But umm..." “What kind do you like?” "Strawberry," Meredith nodded. “I like strawberry too,” Hannah grinned. “Daddy likes coffee. But coffee’s real gross.” "Yeah...coffee is gross," Meredith nodded. “Are you gonna come, Mereith? Daddy, can Mereith come?” "She can come if she wants," Derek nodded. "But she...if she's busy and doesn't want to come, that's okay. She doesn't have to." “Course she wants to come,” Hannah giggled. “Don’t you, Mereith? You wanna come eat ice cream with me and Daddy and Uncle Monkey cause you’re my friend, right?” "Oh...umm...okay, sure," Meredith nodded. “Really?” Hannah’s grin widened. "Yeah," Meredith giggled nervously. “Yay!” Hannah grinned, hugging her around the waist again. "Oh umm...yeah," Meredith nodded, putting her hand on Hannah's back again. “Told you she wanted to come, Daddy,” Hannah giggled. "You did," Derek nodded. “It’s gonna be real nice, Mereith. Daddy will buy you ice cream.” "Oh umm...okay," Meredith nodded. “Do you like spwinkles? I like spwinkles.” "Sprinkles are good," Meredith smiled. “They’re the bestest,” Hannah nodded. “I like my ice cream in a cup cause Daddy says I’ll get all messy in a cone but Daddy gets his in a cone and Uncle Monkey gets sundaes in a bowl.” "Oh...that's...interesting," Meredith nodded. “And then Uncle Monkey gives me his cherry cause he doesn’t like cherries but I do so he gives it to me. Do you like cherries, Mereith? Cause I’ll eat your cherry if you don’t want it. I eat Daddy’s sometimes too. But Daddy never gets cherries or whipped cream or anything cause he says it’s a lot of sugar and sugar is bad. Do you think sugar is bad?” "Sugar is yummy," Meredith grinned and then her eyes widened. "I mean...it's yummy but your Daddy...right, he's right. Lot of sugar is bad. It's...sugar is bad. Unless it's a special treat but lots of sugar is bad." “But it’s yummy,” Hannah giggled, turning to Derek. “Mereith thinks sugar is yummy, Daddy.” "She would," Derek laughed. "And I never said sugar wasn't yummy." “But you don’t eat sugar, Daddy,” Hannah said, yawning slightly. "I eat some sugar," he sighed. "And you need sleep." “I’m not sleepy, Daddy. I’m wide ‘wake now.” "And the yawning was just for fun?" “Yep.” "Oh I see," he nodded. "But tomorrow you have school, ice cream and ballet. You need some sleep." “I do have ballet!” Hannah grinned, turning back to Meredith. “Mereith, wanna come watch me ballet tomorrow?” "Oh ummm..." Meredith murmured. “The teacher says I’m...I’m the bestest,” she yawned widely. "And you are," Derek nodded. "But Meredith doesn't get a lot of time off work so how about we just stick to ice cream tomorrow and she can come see you some other time?" “I guess,” Hannah nodded. “Promise you’ll come see me, Mereith?” "When I get the chance," Meredith nodded. “That’s good,” Hannah nodded, leaning back against Derek’s legs. "Definitely tired," Derek sighed, picking her up. "Mer...come to the car with me so we can talk?" “Oh...um...okay,” Meredith sighed, following closely behind him. "Say bye to Meredith, Hannah," Derek sighed, as he pulled open the back door of the car. “Bye, Mereith,” Hannah murmured, her eyes already closing as Derek put her in the car. "Bye Hannah," Meredith responded quietly. “See tomorrow,” Hannah nodded. Derek gave her quick kiss on the forehead before closing the door, turning to look at Meredith. "Are you okay?" he asked. “I’m fine,” she nodded. “How are you?” "I'm good," he nodded. "You...are you sure you want to come tomorrow?" “No,” she admitted quietly. “But she...she asked and I said yes so I’m coming.” "You didn't have to say yes," Derek shrugged. “She’s kind of hard to say no to.” "She is. I'm glad you're coming." “Derek...it’s not...I mean...we’re still...” "I know," he said quietly. "It's ice cream with Hannah and Mark, I know it's nothing." “Good,” she whispered. "So...tomorrow," he sighed. “Tomorrow,” she nodded. "Yeah," he nodded. “Yeah,” she murmured, looking down at her feet. "So...umm...I should go," he breathed. "Hannah needs her bed." “Yeah, she um...she looks tired. And sleep is good. Really good. Especially since she has ballet and school and ice cream tomorrow. So sleep is good. Really good,” Meredith sighed. “I’m rambling.” "You are," he grinned. “Sorry,” she smiled slightly. "Sorry?" “For rambling.” "I like the rambling." “I know you do.” "So don't say sorry." “Fine, I won’t say sorry for rambling,” she rolled her eyes. "And now you're rolling your eyes at me," he laughed. “You complain too much.” "Yeah yeah," he smiled. “Seriously,” she sighed, taking a small step towards him. “You just...no complaining. Complaining is not attractive.” "Hmmm..." he nodded, leaning into her slightly. "What if I complain about missing you?" “Der...” she breathed, her hands moving up to his chest. "Mer..." he whispered, dipping his head down so his lips were inches from her. “Hannah needs her bed,” she murmured against his lips. "She can wait a few minutes," he breathed. “We can’t.” "Okay," he sighed, pulling his head back from her, but moving his hand to gently cup her cheek. "Okay." “I’m sorry,” she murmured, leaning into his touch slightly. “I can’t.” "I know," he nodded. "I get it." “Okay,” she nodded, pulling away and digging in her purse for her car keys. "What time are you done tomorrow?" “Six.” "Hannah has ballet till eight. We can pick you up after or you can meet us there." “Oh um...I’ll meet you.” "Okay," he nodded. "I'll let you know details tomorrow at work." “Okay,” she nodded quickly, turning towards her car. “ Der?” "Yeah?" “I um...” she looked down at her shoes again. “I...good night.” "Good night, Mer," he nodded. She nodded and got in her car, backing out quickly as he moved around to the driver’s side of his own car. Hannah slept soundly in the back seat, her stuffed monkey clutched tightly in her hands. He sat for a moment, not starting the car as he just sat, trying to ignore the steady ache in his chest. He missed her. And he was sure she missed him. He was pretty sure she had even nearly said it to him. And he couldn't but wonder if she was feeling the ache too. It didn't make sense. He understood why she needed to space to breathe and think and adjust to everything. He had been avoiding her, giving her time to come to terms. It was okay. He still planned on chasing her. But he hadn't expected to miss her this much. She was his intern. She was the girl he had flirted with at the mixer. She was the girl he had been having sex with. He shouldn’t be missing her this much. He shouldn’t be feeling an uncontainable need to hold her, to kiss her. He understood though. He understood she needed time to process this. He just didn’t understand why she was so against them. She had to come around. He knew Hannah was a big deal, he knew that his daughter was definitely a big deal when it came to starting a relationship. He knew that. And from the little things Meredith had said, he knew something bigger was going down. But she had to figure out that this wasn't that bad, that she could deal with having Hannah around. That they could work. He sighed as he started the car, backing out of the parking lot slowly. She would figure it out. She was going out for ice cream with them tomorrow, and she would be able to see that this could work out. Even if it wasn’t a date, even if it was just casual ice cream with his daughter and best friend, she might be able to see that this could work out. At least, he hoped she would. Because I miss you And this is all I wanna say I guess I miss you, beautiful These three words have said it all Disclaimer: With all the recent upset with the actual owners of the show recently, we feel this is a time to remind you that if we owned it Paddy would be at least half naked once an episode. Because he's yummy. Not that's naked in this update...that would be inappropriate. This was a bad idea, a really bad idea. She had been avoiding him for the past week and it was somehow working out for her. He hadn't been harassing her, he hadn't been following her, things had been good. Well no, things had been crap. Because she kept seeing him all over the place and she missed him. She missed him more than she should. But it had definitely been working for her. And then in a moment of complete weakness, she had said yes to a pair of crystal blue eyes. Not his eyes, a five year old’s crystal blue eyes. Hannah had thrown her arms around her waist and she hadn’t been able to say no. Which was ridiculous. Hannah was five. She should be able to say no to a five year old. Except, well, she was willing to bet Cristina couldn’t even say no to Hannah. How would anyone say no to a five year old little girl who called her a friend? Not that Meredith wanted to be Hannah's friend. She just, Hannah had looked at her and she knew if she had said no there would be have been tears. And she couldn't make her cry. She couldn't do it. So ice cream seemed like it was her only option. Plus she'd get some Derek time. Not that she wanted that. She didn’t need Derek time. She defintiely didn’t need Derek time. The avoiding him thing...okay, it sucked. But it was better than being around him and wanting to kiss him and have sex with him. She definitely couldn’t have sex with him again. He had a daughter. An entirely cute daughter who had invited her to ice cream. This was about Hannah. Not Derek. Derek did not matter in this. "Meredith!" Derek called as she walked into the restaurant. “Hi,” she smiled slightly at him as she made her way to their table where Hannah was sitting, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, a jacket covering her leotard and tutu. "Grey," Mark greeted. “Mereith!” Hannah grinned, jumping up in her chair. “Hi!” "Hi Hannah," Meredith grinned, slipping into the only chair left, beside Mark. “Do you like my tutu?” Hannah asked as Derek pulled her to sit back down. "It's very pretty," Meredith nodded. “I was the very bestest today,” Hannah nodded. “Wasn’t I, Daddy?” "You were," Derek smiled proudly. “What? You don’t ask me?” Mark frowned. "Uncle Monkey you always say I'm the bestest," Hannah giggled. “That’s because you are,” he laughed. "I know," Hannah nodded. “She’s as humble as you are, Derek,” Meredith smiled slightly. "That was mean," Derek pouted at her. "True...but mean." “What’s humble?” Hannah asked. "It means you don't talk about how good you are," Derek grinned. “Oh, okay,” Hannah nodded. “Daddy, I want strawberry like Mereith.” "You do?" Derek asked. “Which chocolate spwinkles.” "Okay," Derek nodded. "Just strawberry for you, Mer?" “Yeah,” Meredith nodded. “Just strawberry.” "Okay," Derek smiled. “I’ll get my usual, Shep,” Mark grinned widely. "Did I ask?" Derek frowned. “What? You’re not buying me ice cream?” Mark frowned. “After all I’ve done for you...” "I'll buy your ice cream," Derek groaned. “Awww, thanks, Shep,” Mark laughed. "You owe me one," Derek sighed. “You say that all the time, Daddy,” Hannah giggled. "Because he always owes me one," Derek laughed. “Yeah, yeah,” Mark smirked. "It's true," Derek shrugged. “Daddy and Uncle Monkey are funny,” Hannah laughed to Meredith. "They are," Meredith nodded, giggling softly. “Uncle Monkey being the funniest,” Mark laughed. “Shep has no sense of humor.” "I have a sense of humor," Derek groaned. “If it weren’t for me, your daughter would be...well, like you.” "And that's a bad thing?" “You kidding?” Mark laughed. “That’s why you keep buying me ice cream, man. I’m raising your daughter to be more like me.” "I hope to god she doesn't turn out like you," Derek shook his head. “She’d be lucky to be like me.” "Sure she would," Meredith giggled and then stopped herself. "Sorry...boss." “I’ll remember this tomorrow, Grey,” Mark frowned. “And I was actually going to let you scrub in.” "Wh...you were?" Meredith asked. “Well, no. But now I’m definitely not going to let you.” "She's here as Hannah's friend, you don't get to hold anything she says against her," Derek sighed. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s why she’s here,” Mark smirked as his ice cream was set in front of him. "It is," Derek nodded. "Hannah invited her, right Han?" “Yep,” Hannah nodded, dipping her spoon into her strawberry ice cream. “I ‘vited Mereith. Cause she’s my friend. Right, Mereith?” "Right," Meredith nodded. “See, Uncle Monkey,” Hannah stuck out her tongue towards Mark. "Did you just stick your tongue out at me?" Mark frowned. “Yep,” she giggled. "Too much time with your Daddy," Mark shook his head. “He’s my daddy,” Hannah nodded. “I gotta spend time with him.” "She loves spending time with me," Derek grinned. “My daddy’s the bestest,” Hannah smiled widely. "Thank you, Hannah Rose," Derek grinned, leaning over to kiss her cheek. "My daughter is the bestest too." “Thank you, Daddy Shepherd,” she giggled. "Daddy Shepherd?" he laughed. “That’s your name.” "My name is Daddy, silly." “And your last name’s Shepherd, like mine.” "It is," he nodded. “You called me two names, I gotta call you two names.” "She has a point," Meredith giggled. “Tank you, Mereith,” Hannah nodded, taking a bite of her ice cream. "No problem, Hannah," Meredith nodded. “Oh yeah, take the five year old’s side,” Derek teased. "I'm here as her friend," Meredith smiled. “My new friend,” Hannah grinned. “This is yummy.” "It is," Meredith nodded. “I can’t believe you got strawberry, Hannah Banana,” Mark sighed as he handed her his cherry. "Why Uncle Monkey?" Hannah asked, grinning as she popped the cherry in her mouth. “Because strawberry is like the loser of ice cream,” Mark smirked. “I raised you better than that.” "It's yummy!" Hannah protested. "And Mereith likes it." “It’s very yummy,” Meredith laughed, taking a bite of her ice cream. “You’re just jealous, Sloan.” "Jealous of ice cream?" Mark asked. “Jealous that we’re cooler than you,” Meredith winked at Hannah. "Oh but you're not," Mark shook his head. “We are, Uncle Monkey,” Hannah giggled. "You keep telling yourself that, kid," Mark nodded. “Everyone knows Hannah Banana is cooler than you, Sloan,” Derek grinned, quickly grapping a napkin to wipe Hannah’s chin. "Your opinion doesn't count, Shep," Mark shook his head. “You’re outnumbered, Sloan,” Meredith giggled. "Who invited an intern anyway?" Mark frowned. “I did,” Hannah chirped. "And you're not going to complain about her, are you?" Derek asked. “Uncle Monkey loves me,” Hannah smiled, shooting Mark a puppy dog look. "You're lucky," Mark sighed. “Why?” "That I love you." “I love you too, Uncle Monkey,” she nodded, reaching forward with her spoon to eat his whipped cream. "I know," Mark smirked. “I love you and Daddy,” Hannah smiled. “But I love Daddy the mostest and the bestest. You’re second bestest, Uncle Monkey.” "Well that's nice," Mark rolled his eyes. "I love coming in second." “I thought you’d be used to it by now,” Derek laughed. "I'll never get used to someone thinking you're better than me," Mark laughed. “Why? Because they’re right?” "Definitely not right," Mark shook his head. "I only let her get away with it because you're her father."



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:08 PM Post #7
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	“Thanks, Mark,” Derek smiled as Hannah lifted up the cup to drink the melted remnants of her strawberry ice cream. “Careful, Han.” "Course Daddy," Hannah nodded as a little bit dribbled onto her chin. “Of course,” Derek laughed as he wiped her chin. “You’re going to get ice cream on your tutu, hun.” "Oh that would be bad," Hannah frowned. “Really bad,” Derek nodded seriously. "I'll be careful, Daddy," Hannah grinned. “That’s my girl,” he smiled, kissing her forehead before smiling briefly at Meredith. "So that was...good, thank you," Meredith nodded. “Welcome, Mereith,” Hannah grinned. "It's no problem, Mer," Derek grinned. "Hannah wanted you here." “Oh yeah,” Mark nodded, “Hannah.” "Mark, keep your mouth shut," Derek groaned. “Will do,” Mark nodded, standing. “Hey, Han, want to play Pacman?” "Pacman!" Hannah grinned. "Yes, Uncle Monkey.” “You can kick my butt again,” he laughed, lifting her and swinging her in the air. "I like kicking your butt," Hannah giggled. “Yeah I know,” he grinned. “You two. Sit. Talk. Do your thing.” He carried a giggling Hannah towards the arcade games in the back, still smirking. "Sorry...Mark's an idiot," Derek sighed. “Yeah, I know,” she sighed, trailing her spoon through her ice cream. Awkward. This was going to be awkward. She was going to kill Mark Sloan. Kill him and make it look like an accident. She seriously doubted anyone would even miss him. Except maybe Hannah. She seemed to like him. But she was only five, she didn’t know any better. "Thanks for coming," he sighed. "Not for me. I mean...it's nice having you here but really...it means a lot to Hannah. So thanks. I know you probably want to be anywhere but here." “No,” she shook her head. “It’s...it’s fine. She’s cute.” "She is," Derek smiled proudly. “Humble too,” Meredith giggled. "She learned from the best," he laughed. “She never stood a chance with you and Sloan,” Meredith smiled. "She probably didn't," Derek sighed. “But still...cute,” she said quickly. “Cute and...funny and smart and...yeah.” "You like her." “It’s kind of hard not to.” "Tell me about it," he laughed. "She has everyone she meets wrapped around her finger in minutes." “Apparently.” "And she likes you." “She does?” "Definitely," he nodded. "She has asked me how you were every day since she met you." “Seriously?” "Yeah. She likes you." “Oh...” she breathed, trailing her spoon over her bowl. "So...ummm...how was your week?" “Long,” she murmured. “Really...long. Yours?” "Long," he sighed. "It was definitely one of those hell weeks." “Yeah,” she nodded. “Week from hell. Definitely.” "Miss neuro?" “Um...yeah. I do. A lot actually.” "Sorry," he nodded. "I'll get you on neuro tomorrow." “It’s fine,” seh shook her head. “You don’t have to. I...it’s been and we’ve been...I’m with Sloan tomorrow.” "You like neuro, Mer. And...you don't deseve to miss out on it." “I do like neuro,” she nodded carefully. "I'll get you in," he nodded. “Thanks,” she murmured. It was insanely awkward. This was bad. They had ended their thing. Their whatever they had. And now they were sitting here across from each other while his adorable, insanely lovable daughter was playing just a few feet away. Awkward. This had been one of the stupidest ideas she’d ever had. "No problem," he sighed. "The others...they're driving me crazy." “Who have you been working with?” "O'Malley today." “Oh, George,” she giggled. "Oh George is right," he laughed. "Is he always that awkward?" “Yeah, he kind of is.” "I asked him to go get an MRI and I was pretty sure he nearly passed out." “Poor George,” she laughed. "I think he could be good. He just needs some more confidence." “Yeah, probably,” she nodded, biting her lip. This wasn’t them. They usually flirted and had sexy talk and banter and...this wasn’t them. "Izzie is annoyingly perky." “Oh completely,” Meredith rolled her eyes. “And she bakes. All the time.” "You live with her, right?" “Her and George.” "That has to be...hell." “They’re not...they’re not that bad,” Meredith sighed. “I’m not home enough but...I mean, it could be worse.” "It could be," he nodded and then sighed loudly. "God, this is wierd." “You too?” she asked, looking up from her empty bowl. "Definitely," he sighed.. “This is...it’s bad.” "I want to flirt but I'm trying to give you time to adjust to all of this." “I don’t know if I can, Derek,” she murmured. “I can’t...I like her. She’s adorable. But I’m not...I can’t be a mom.” "I'm not asking you to be her mom," Derek shook his head. “She should have a mom,” she sighed. “She probably wants a mom.” "That little girl has everything she wants," Derek shrugged. "She's not looking for anything." “Derek...I know...having a parent leave it’s not...it’s not easy.” "She didn't have a parent leave. She never had a mom." “She knows she had a mom. And she knows her mom left.” "She knows she has a dad that gives her the world, and a live in uncle that gives her just as much. Don't even get me started on her grandma and aunts and everyone at the hospital." “Still...” Meredith sighed. "There's no big holes in her life that need filling." “You’re telling me she’s never asked about her mom?” "She hasn't," Derek shook his head. "I expect they're coming soon now that she's in school but...she knows she's loved. She's happy." “Oh,” she breathed, looking down to play with her napkin. She could tell him things. Big things. She could tell him how much it screwed up a kid to have a parent leave. And she could tell him how dark and twisty she was and how he definitely wouldn’t want someone who was dark and twisty around his daughter. But they weren’t...they weren’t anything. "Mer...I just want a date. That's all. See where it goes from there. I'm not asking you to take her to dance class or tell her about sex." “She’s five, Derek.” "Okay, so it would be a little early for a sex talk." “Just a little.” "The point is...I'm not looking for someone to fill a hole in her life. There is no hole to fill." “But she deserves someone who wants to be a mom for her.” "She deserves someone who is willing to give the dating a man with a kid thing a shot." “Exactly,” she sighed. “That’s not me, Derek.” "It could be." “It’s not,” she shook her head. “It’s not me. I don’t...I don’t even date. And you...you’re great and you deserve someone who dates and wants kids and wants the happily ever after thing or whatever.” "You don't want happily ever after?" “I don’t think it’s real,” she sighed. "That's...tragic," he whispered. “See!” she waved her hand. “This is why...you believe in that. And you want that. You believe in all of that and I just...I’m okay with just having sex only. And you’re not. And you never could be. So that’s why...we can’t, Derek.” "All you want for the rest of your life is casual sex?" “Yes. No. I don’t know. Maybe.” "Maybe," he nodded slowly. “Maybe,” she shrugged. “And you...you have a daughter. A really amazing daughter who doesn’t have a mom.” "And isn't looking for one." “Fine. I know. But still...we can’t.” "Okay,” he nodded. “O-okay?” "Okay." “Okay meaning...” "Okay, I'm letting it go," he nodded. "For now." “Oh,” she breathed, trying to ignore the pain in her chest. He was letting go. That was good. He was letting go for now. That was good. Really good. Pains in the chest meant nothing. Because it was good. Definitely good. “Okay.” "One day you'll wonder how you ever lived without me," he smirked. “I seriously doubt it,” she rolled her eyes. "You will." “Daddy!” Hannah came running towards them. “I kicked Uncle Monkey’s butt!” "Good job!" Derek exclaimed. “He’s real bad at Pacman,” Hannah giggled, climbing onto his lap. "Or maybe you're just really good," Derek laughed, wrapping his arms around his daughter. “I am real good.” "You are," Derek grinned, kissing her cheek. “She cheats,” Mark groaned as he walked over. “She’s cute and it’s damn distracting and she cheats.” "She's five," Derek groaned. “And she cheats.” "Or you suck." “That’s a bad word, Daddy,” Hannah put her finger against his lips. "Sorry," Derek laughed. “If you say bad words you get your toys taken away,” Hannah explained to Meredith. "That makes sense," Meredith nodded. "Are you going to take Daddy's toys away?" “Yep,” Hannah nodded. “His phone and his fishing pole.” "He likes that phone a lot," Meredith giggled. “It’s for work,” Derek frowned. "No one else is on their phone that much," Meredith pointed out. “Maybe I work harder than everyone else.” "Or play Tetris." “What’s Tetris?” Hannah asked as she reached into Derek’s pocket to take out his phone. "A game on my phone that I don't play a lot," Derek explained. “I wanna play!” Hannah exclaimed. "Okay," Derek nodded. "Let me see the phone." “But you said a bad word,” Hannah frowned. "If you want to play Tetris I have to start it for you." “How do you play, Daddy?” she asked, looping her arm around his neck as he started the game for her. "There's tiny little blocks...and you have to move them around so they fall in a line." “How?” she asked, leaning closer to him. "With these tiny arrows, see?" Meredith couldn’t help but smile as she watched Derek and Hannah with each other. He was a great dad. A really, really great dad. And they were obviously the center of each other’s worlds. She knew Derek insisted that Hannah didn’t need a mom, she knew he really thought Hannah didn’t need any of that, that she was happy, and she definitely looked it, but Meredith didn’t think she could become a part of this without ruining it. She didn't know how to do this. She liked Hannah. Hannah was an amazingly great kid and Derek had obviously done a great job raising her. She really liked Hannah. But she didn't even know how to date a guy, let alone a guy with a kid. She didn't know how to do this and there were too many feelings at stake to give it a try. Trying would only hurt in the long run. She didn’t have the heart to try only to hurt Derek and Hannah. Hannah who was great and deserved someone who would never, every hurt her. And Derek...he deserved the happily ever after part. And she couldn’t give that ot him. She didn’t know how. She didn’t know how to give it to him and she definitely didn’t know how to give it to Hannah. If she tried, she’d just end up hurting them. And they deserved so much more than that. I wish I could be every little thing you wanted all the time Disclaimer: After this update it will be abundantly clear that we don't own the show. Because the day Mer and Der do this on the show is the day we die or hell freezes over or something. Just...yeah, we wish this would happen. Derek tied his scrub pants quickly as he walked out of his office, moving quickly towards the patient's room. He had finished the surgery well over an hour ago and then had run to grab Hannah from school. He had no idea how the patient was doing now, but Meredith was looking after him. Meredith. Meredith was finally his intern after two weeks of avoiding. It was good working with her again. Not that he was playing favourites, that would be entirely wrong. But Meredith was definitely his favourite, and not just for his own personal reasons. Not that those didn't come into play. It was nice to have her around, even if it was just at work and no where else. He could deal with that for now. Better than anything else. She was still antsy around him, still avoiding in a lot of ways. He tried to be strictly professional around her, and she seemed to respond well to that, He wanted to flirt with her, he wanted to be with her, but he was trying to give her space. She needed space, he understood that. Having a kid was a big deal, a huge deal, and he understood that. He understood why she was freaking out. This had been exactly what he had expected from her. He had expected the freak out, he had planned on giving her space. It just didn't mean it wasn't killing him. He missed having her around to flirt with and kiss and everything else they had been doing. He missed their easy friendship or whatever it was that they had become. The missing her actually made his chest ache. He rounded the corner, smiling when he saw her leaning over the nurse's station, writing in the chart. This was why his chest ached. He missed being able to walk up behind her and whisper something extremely dirty in her ear, missed being able to run his hand up and down her back, missed trying to be entirely secretive about it. He missed what they had had. He walked up behind her and smiled when she didn't even react, staring intently at the chart in her hands, in her own entire different world. She was adorable when she got that concentrating look on her face. He leaned closer and she still didn't react so he took a deep breath, letting the smell of flowers and Meredith surround him. He wasn't sure there was a smell he liked more. "What are you doing?" she murmured, her shoulders tensing only slightly. "Oh umm...nothing," he shook his head quickly, pulling back from her. "You're doing that thing," she sighed, turning to look at him. "What thing?" "The dreamy Derek thing," she nodded. "The thing we're not doing." "I'm being dreamy?" he smirked. "Smelling hair is apparently dreamy," she groaned. "Who said I was smelling your hair?" "Oh, so you came up behind me and took a deep breath and moaned slightly because...?" "I didn't moan...did I?" "You kind of did." "Oh..." he nodded slowly. "I didn't even think you knew I was here. You didn't say anything." "Yeah, I...I mean..." she bit her lip, looking down at the chart. "How's Hannah?" "She's good," Derek grinned. "Her teacher told her about pointe shoes yesterday, so now she has a new life goal." "Pointe shoes?" Meredith asked as she handed him the chart. "Those shoes ballerina's wear...apparently like putting your foot in a coffee cup. And of course she wants them." "I'm guessing they're a big deal?" "Yes. Apparently my poor neglected daughter will never be a real ballerina without them." "Of course," she nodded. "Patient's doing well. Just waking up from the anesthesia.” "Good," Derek smiled. "You've checked everything?" "No," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I ran in, made sure he was awake, and then went and had a cup of coffee." "There's the attitude I missed," he laughed. "I checked everything. He's doing fine." "Good," he nodded. "Feel good to be back on neuro?" "Better than plastics," she smiled. "That would be another person that likes me more than Mark." "That's not all that hard, Derek." "It's not?" "He's Mark. He's a pain in the ass." "And I'm not?" "You're less of one." "Good to know," he nodded. "But you're still an ass." "Oh but you like me ever so much." "You keep telling yourself that." "There's nothing to tell myself," he shook his head. "You like me. I know it." "Of course you do," she rolled her eyes, moving to walk away from him. "You do," he grinned as he moved to start following her. "I told you...it's in your eyes." "I told you...cheesy." "You always smile when I'm cheesy." "I'm laughing at you." "I'm sure you are." "Completely laughing at how cheesy you are." "I don't actually hear any laughter." "It's in my head. I smile to make you think you're actually cute." "You think I'm cute?" "Definitely not," she shook her head quickly. "You're cute when you're in denial." "I am not in denial." "Of course not," Derek nodded. "And I'm not cute." "You're definitely cute." "You're doing the thing." "The dreamy thing?" "Yes." "Hmm.." he nodded, suddenly grabbing her arm and dragging her into the on call room they were passing. "What are you doing?" she gasped as he closed the door. "I'm not actually quite sure," he shrugged. "I wanted you alone." "We're not doing the alone thing." "Apparently we are." "We're not supposed to." "I know," he nodded. "Which means I should probably go." "Or you could stay." "Derek..." she sighed as he ran his thumb over her jawline. "I know...space," he nodded. "But I miss this. I miss you." "It's not space," she shook her head. "We...I finished it." "You finished it. Which suggests I thought it was a good idea." "It's not." "I disagree," he breathed. "I know," she murmured, sounding breathless herself as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Mer..." he whispered, dipping his head down as he held hers in place and pressed his lips against hers. "Derek," she gasped slightly, her own hands moving up to his curls as she kissed him hard, her tongue demanding entrance into his mouth. His grasp tightened on her and he pulled her closer, kissing her deeply as she tugged on his hair. "No." "No?" he murmured, still holding her tightly. "We can't," she shook her head, moving to pull out of his arms. "We...why?" "Because we can't," she said firmly. "We...I can't. We're not. I ended this. We're over." "Why?" "You now why. Because you're my boss. And I'm your intern. And you have a kid." "That boss stuff is bullshit at this point. And yes...Hannah is a big deal but this big?" "Derek, we can't. Just leave it." "No," he shook his head. "If you want me to stop chasing you, I want a reason." "And I've given you a reason." "No, you haven't." "Yes, I have. So stop...stop kissing and being McDreamy. Just stop. It messes with my head." "And you're messing with mine." "What? How am I messing with yours? I ended it. I said I couldn't and you're chasing and smelling my hair and having eye sex with me over a seventeen year old patient and buying me ice cream and..." "And you ended it for no reason. You ended it because I have a daughter. I get that it's not easy to deal with, I get that. But this bad? Ending it completely because I have a daughter?" "It's not only that. I was going to end it before that." "You...what? Why?" "Because I can't do this. I can't be in a relationship and be what you need. I can't. And you deserve better." "Why can't you?" he asked gently. "Because I can't," she sighed. "Because my dad left when I was five and I don't do relationships." "Okay," Derek said slowly, grabbing her arm and dragging her over the bed, pulling her down. "You're talking." "What?" "If you don't think you can do this, that's fine. But I have a right to know why." "I just can't. It's as simple as that. That's your reason." "No," he shook his head. "If you ever want me to back off I'm going to need a real reason as to why." "Fine," she sighed, turning to look at him. "Hannah needs a mom." "No she doesn't," Derek shrugged. "Yes, she does," Meredith said firmly. "I know what it's like, Derek. My dad...he left. He left and he didn't want me. He left and got a new family with new daughters who he loved more than me and he was the perfect dad to them. And my mom...my mom handed me off to nannies and hospital daycare and everything else...I know what it feels like to not be wanted." "Oh Mer..." Derek breathed, grabbing her hand tightly. "That must have been hell." "So Hannah...Hannah needs a mom. And Hannah needs a mom who isn't as dark and twisty as she is. And she needs a mom who wants kids. Who isn't going to screw her up. Who doesn't have a mom with Alzheimer's and a weird new fake family she has no idea what to do with, even if she does love them insanely. She deserves that. And so do you." "Your mom has Alzheimers?" Derek whispered. "Yeah," Meredith whispered after a second. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, running his thumb over her hand. "I had no idea. But...so you're dark and twisty? It doesn't mean I want someone else." "Derek...dark and twisty. Really, really dark and twisty. And I don't do relationships. One night stands, yes. But relationships? No. And you...you believe in things. Things I don't believe in and you have a daughter who is going to be dark and twisty because her mom didn't want her." "She's not going to be dark and twisty," Derek shrugged. "Hannah has never felt anything but wanted her entire life." "Her mom left. Her mom never wanted her. That screws with a person." "No it doesn't," Derek shook his head. "You...you knew your dad, you loved your dad and he walked away. And nannies...you had no one acting like they wanted you. And that must have been hell. But that wasn't Hannah's life." "And Hannah didn't know her mom at all?' "She never knew her mom," he shook his head. "Her mom never held her, her mom didn't name her. She didn't have a mother abandon her. She just never had one." "Oh," Meredith sighed. "And a day hasn't gone by that Hannah hasn't felt wanted. She comes first for me. She comes first for Mark. And my mom and my sisters adore her. Even the hospital staff. She's probably the most loved kid in the world." "She's kind of hard not to love," Meredith murmured, staring at her wringing hands. "She really is," he nodded, shifting to run his hand along her back. "My daughter isn't missing anything. I see to that. I'm not looking for someone else to see to it." "But she deserves it," she sighed. "She deserves...and you deserve...you deserve things. You both deserve things." "You deserve things too." "Don't," she shook her head. "Don't do that. Don't be...this is about you and Hannah and I...I can't give those things. I can't." "How do you even know that?" "I know. I completely know. I don't even want to give those things. I don't like those things. I don't believe in those things." "You don't mean that," he shook his head. "Yes I do." "Really? You don't want to fall in love and get your happily ever after?" "Okay, the happily ever after part? Not real." "You really think that?" "Yeah, I do. It's just...it's not real, Der." "That's just...quite possibly one of the most heart breaking things I've ever heard." "Cheesy." "Maybe," he sighed. "But...it's...you deserve happily ever after." "So do you," she sighed. "If you believe in it then...I can't, Derek. I can't give you or Hannah happily ever after or whatever." "How do you know that?" "I just do. You want more. I don't." "And you don't even want to try?" "There's no point. I can't do it. And you deserve it. The casual sex thing works for me. And I don't...I have a mom to take care of. And a career to build. And a fake family to get used to...you deserve someone who isn't entirely screwed up." "And what if all I want is someone entirely screwed up?" "No one wants someone entirely screwed up." "Maybe I do," he shrugged. "I want you." "We can't." "Stop saying that. We can do whatever we want." "Well I don't want." "That's bullshit." "Seriously? You can read my mind?" "I know I can't be alone in feeling this." "Maybe you are." "I'm not." "Derek, I can't do this. I can't be with you and I...I can't. So just stop." "And I can't do that." "Well you're going to have to learn." "Or you could learn." "I don't do relationships," she shook her head, moving to stand. "And you can't even try?" he asked, grabbing her arm to hold her in place. "I don't want to try. There's no point in trying." "So you're just going to pretend none of this ever happened?" "We had sex for two months, Derek. Nothing happened between us." "That's just a lie." "It's not a lie. We fucked all over the hospital." "We did," he nodded. "And it went hell of a lot deeper than that. Even if you want to end it, you don't get to cheapen what we had." "Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "It's over." "And you're not even going to admit it was something?" "It doesn't matter," she sighed, looking down at her shoes. "It's done and that's it." "Admit what we had." "Derek..." "If you want me to let this drop, just admit that the last two months have been something." "It's been...I don't know. Something. Something that's over." "Because of what your dad did?" he whispered. "What?" "He left you, he hurt you," Derek murmured. "He...didn't give you what you deserve." Meredith stared at him for a second before shaking her head. "He hurt me. He left. He got a new family. But no...it's...it's not that, Derek. It's...it's not that." "Then what exactly is it?" "It's...you and Hannah deserve...I know you're not looking for a mom for Hannah. I get that. She doesn't need one. But she deserves one. And you," she sat back down on the bed, "Derek, you deserve someone who's not afraid to commit. You deserve...you want something really big and...I can't give that to you." "I don't know if I want it with anyone else," Derek admitted quietly. "Don't say that." "It's how I feel, Mer." "You...you don't mean it," she shook her head. "You don't...you don't know me. And we're...and you're...you don't mean it." "You have no idea what I mean," he said quietly. "I'm...I have to go," she whispered, jumping back up from the bed. "Okay," he nodded, standing up with her. "Just...stop okay?" she whispered. "I'm not," he murmured. "Derek..." "Mer...your life...it's been hell. I'm...someone gets to give you what you deserve." "I'm fine, Derek. I don't need a knight in shining whatever." "Okay," he nodded slowly. "So you don't have to give me...I don't need it. I'm fine. My dad...I'm over that. I don't need someone giving me...I don't need it. So stop. Stop trying to save me. Stop trying to be this great guy that...I don't need it. And I don't need you. I'm okay by myself. I've always been okay by myself. So stop. Just stop." "I’m not trying to save you, I'm trying to be in your life." "You're trying to save me. You're trying to make it all better. I don't need it to be all better." "I'm trying to be with you." "Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "Meredith..." he sighed, suddenly reaching forward and pulling her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "What...what are you doing?" she breathed. "It's called a hug," he whispered. "Go with it." "I don't need a hug," she murmured, her head resting on his shoulder. "Sure you don't," he sighed, rubbing his hand along her back. "I'm sorry, Derek." "You have nothing to be sorry for." "You're doing it again." "The dreamy thing?" "Yeah," she breathed. "Good," he nodded. "I said you couldn't anymore." "Yeah, I heard you." "So you should consider stopping." "I could," he nodded. "But I'm not." "You're wasting your time," she sighed, pulling back and then kissing him gently. "We'll see about that," he smiled slightly. "Good bye, Derek," she sighed, pulling out of his arms. "See you later, Mer," he nodded. "Dr. Shepherd," she nodded as she opened the door and left him alone. He felt back onto the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. Now he know all the dark and twisty bits. It's all he had been asking for. He had been hearing can't for so long all he had wanted was some reasoning, so he knew what he was working with. And now he knew. Meredith's life hadn't been fair. Meredith's life had never showed her that things like this could work. But that didn't mean they couldn't. She didn't believe they could, but he knew this was something big. He knew this was a big step for her. And if she wasn't ready for it, he understood. But he wasn't going to stop. He wasn't going to walk away. He wanted her, he wanted to be with her. And he knew she wanted it too. Even if she couldn't admit it, she wanted this. She deserved her happily ever after. Everyone did but she did most of all. And he deserved her. He didn't care what she thought about him wanting to be with someone better than her, stronger or happier or whatever. He wanted to be with her, who thought she couldn't do this but definitely could. He saw the way she was with Hannah. He saw the way she looked at him when she was too caught up to catch herself. It all meant something. He wasn't going to let this go. He wasn't going to just walk away, not when she looked at him like that. Not when she loved Hannah. She was something else, and he wasn't going to let go. He deserved her, and she deserved to be happy. And he would do everything in his power to make her happy, no matter how much she hated it and told him to stop. I'd like to step into your world Show me a secret I promise to keep it safe and sheltered from the storm I would cross the great divide that keeps me swimming Treading water from your shore Disclaimer: Alicia and Katie would love to tell you in a creative way that we don't own Grey's Anatomy. But we've been staring at the new Patrick Dempsey pictures all day and have nothing to say...except we wish we owned him. She hated cardio. She hated being on cardio. Today was hell. She was on cardio and today was hell. Cardio was Cristina's thing. Neuro was her thing. The specialty, not the head of the department. He was definitely not her thing. If he was it would have bugged her that she hadn't talked him since the on call room the week before. That definitely would have bugged her. But it didn't, because he wasn't her thing or whatever. It didn't bug her that she saw him sometimes in the hallway and he would cast a smile her way. Actually, it did bug her. It bugged her because he was doing the dreamy thing. The thing they said they weren't going to do anymore. But it definitely didn't bug her. The seeing in the hallway thing. Because that was more than enough. She didn't need to talk to him. No talking. She was fine. It didn't bother her at all that Derek, Dr. Shepherd had asked for Stevens when she was standing right there. He wasn't punishing her, he was just giving them both some time. Because he needed to adjust to the fact they weren't going to happen. Ever. And that was okay. And she could probably use some time to make the strange aching in her chest go away. It's not like she missed him. That would be ridiculous. Missing him. Ridiculous and stupid and...stupid. Really, really stupid. Because he was her boss. He was her boss who had great hair and a perfect smile and amazing...she had to stop thinking about him like that. Because they weren't going to happen. Which was fine. He could be perfect with someone else. Someone who wasn't her. She tried to ignore the sharp pain intensifying with the thought. Because she wasn't his. And he wasn't hers. Which was...it was fine. They'd both go on and she'd eventually forget the look he had given her when she had told him to find someone else. Because that look had been enough to make her fall into his arms and mutter a thousand tiny apologies. And now it was making the ache in her chest grow just a tiny bit stronger. But that would all go away. Because she was fine and he was fine and eventually they'd just be colleagues again. So that was the plan. Ignore. Avoid. Forget. It worked. It had to work. She couldn't give him what he wanted, she couldn't be there for him and his daughter. So this would work. And she wouldn't be the slutty intern sleeping with the attending anymore. And he could go back to normal. He could just be her boss, and nothing else. It was a good plan. She just had to keep reminding herself that the inexplicable pain that came along with thinking of this plan would go away in time. She'd move on and the two months of something would become a really hot memory or something, nothing more. And that was good. That was beyond good. It needed to be a memory. She couldn't do anythin else, nothing else could happen. She finished writing in the chart in front of her, handing it to the nurse before looking at her watch. She had to pick up labs and then eat lunch and then check on the cardio patients she was working with. Stupid cardio. Well, not stupid. Cool. Very cool. But it wasn't her thing. It had never been her thing. This day was hell. Complete hell. "Mereith!" Only one person actually said her name like that. One person who's daddy she was trying to avoid and yet aching to see. Not aching to see...just...this was complicated. Far far too complicated. "Hannah!" Meredith greeted, trying to smile at the tiny girl standing beside her "Hi!" Hannah grinned at her, her blue eyes sparkling in excitement. "I haven't seened you in ages!" "It's been...a while," Meredith nodded slowly. "I've been...working." “That’s what Daddy said,” Hannah nodded. “He said you’re real busy cause you’re an intern and interns work more than ‘ttendings. That’s what Daddy is. He’s a ‘ttending and he does hemistomies. I asked him if you did lots of hemistomies and he said not no more. Don’t you like hemistomies, Mereith? I like ‘em even if it’s real gross cause there’s a whole lot of blood.” "Oh umm...yes, I like them," Meredith nodded again. "Are you...do you need your daddy?" “Nope. He’s doing hemsitomies.” "Oh...umm...okay...well...Uncle Monkey? Do you want Uncle Monkey?" Meredith asked, wanting to laugh despite everything at calling a boss Uncle Monkey. “Nope,” Hannah shook her head. “He’s got a sleepover with his new very bestest friend.” "Oh a sleep over, okay," Meredith nodded. "Um...who are you looking for, Hannah?" “You, silly,” Hannah giggled. "Me?" “Yep.” "Wh...why are you looking for me?" “Cause I gotta tell you about lots of stuff!” Hannah nodded, grabbing her hand. “And Daddy said you were working real hard and that’s why you didn’t come see me at ballet yet. So I came to see you.” "Oh umm...tell me stuff?" Meredith asked. “Yep,” Hannah opened her mouth. “I losted my tooth, see? And the tooth fairy gave me a whole dollar! Uncle Monkey said I should buy candy but Daddy says I should save it. Daddy’s kind of silly sometimes. But I lost it and when it fell out, it kinda hurt and there was lots of blood but Daddy made it all better. And gave me a ‘sicle. A cherry one. It was real good and it didn’t hurt no more!” "Oh that's good," Meredith nodded, gesturing for Debbie to page Derek. “And my ballet teacher said I was the very bestest and I told her I wanted to be a real true balleina and she said real true balleinas have pointed shoes. And it makes them stand all the way on their tippy toes! But I can’t have them til I’m lots bigger, like when I’m ten. That’s in a long time though and Daddy and teacher said I gotta wait or I’ll get hurt real bad.” "Than you should wait." “That’s what Daddy said,” Hannah sighed. “You missed Hallween, Mereith. Did you go trick or treating?” "Oh..umm...I worked," Meredith shrugged. "Did you?" “Yep,” Hannah nodded excitedly. “I was a balleina pwincess and Daddy was a ninja and Uncle Monkey was...guess what Uncle Monkey was.” "A monkey?" “A surgeon monkey!” Hannah giggled. "A surgeon monkey?" “Yep,” Hannah nodded. “It was real funny and I got all kinds of candy but Daddy’s hiding it cause it’s real bad for me but Uncle Monkey showed me where it is and he gets me some sometimes when Daddy has to be a doctor ‘stead of a daddy. I got a whole lots of chocolate and it’s real yummy and Daddy gives me one piece after dinner. And then Uncle Monkey gives me two more! So that’s three!” "Oh...does...Daddy know?" “Nope. He’d get real mad at Uncle Monkey.” "He would," Meredith agreed. “So you can’t tell him, okay? You can’t tell no one.” "I won't." “Pinky swear,” Hannah held up her pinky finger. "What?" “Pinky swear.” "Oh...umm how?" “Silly Mereith,” Hannah rolled her eyes. “You gotta hold out your tiny finger.” "Okay," Meredith nodded, holding her finger out like Hannah was. : “And then you go like this,” Hannah wrapped her pinky finger around Meredith’s squeezing tightly. “And you gotta say pinky swear.” "Pinky swear," Meredith smiled. : “Good,” Hannah nodded, releasing Meredith’s finger. “You gotta do one more thing. Cause this is a real big secret cause I Daddy’d get mad at me and Uncle Monkey so you gotta cross your heart, stick a needle in your eye, and hope to die.” "Oh I know that one," Meredith nodded, doing the motions. "Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye." “Yep,” Hannah smiled. “Oh, I ‘most forgot to tell you, Mereith. My class had a parade of Hallween costumes and guess what?” "What?" “I woned cookies for pwettiest costume!” "That's great, Hannah." “I know. I was the bestest and the pwettiest and I ate all the cookies and they were real good. Do you like cookies?” "Cookies are...good." “Course they are. I like chocolate cookies and oatmeal cookies and my nana makes the bestest sugar cookies ever!” "Yummy." “Daddy!” Hannah suddenly said as Derek rounded the corner, tearing off his scrub cap. "I thought I heard people saying there was a really pretty ballerina loose in the hospital," Derek smiled as he walked up to them. “She snuck out of daycare,” Meredith sighed, not meeting his eyes as he scooped up Hannah into his arms. "Snuck isn't actually the right word when you walk in and out of it as you please," Derek sighed, smiling at her. "Sorry." “I had to see Mereith, Daddy,” Hannah grinned from his arms. “I had to tell her about my tooth and my dollar and my pointed shoes and Hallween and the surgeon monkey and candy and the party at school and Nana’s cookies and...” "Slow down, Han," Derek laughed. "You know Meredith is busy when she's at work." “She was at recess,” Hannah nodded wisely. "Interns don't get recess," Derek sighed. “How come?” "Because they're adults, only kids get recess," Derek smiled before turning to look at Meredith again. "Sorry if she was keeping you from something important." “Oh, um...just...labs and stuff,” Meredith stammered slightly, still not meeting his eyes. The ache in her chest intensified and she bit her lip. She was fine. He was fine. They were fine. "If you're too busy to talk just tell her, she understands." “She wasn’t busy, Daddy, honest.” "And how do you know that?" Derek asked. “Cause I looked first. I waited til she was done writing.” "Good girl," Derek nodded. "Really...sorry, Mer." “No, it’s...it’s fine,” Meredith shook her head. “I just...she came to see me.” "She likes you," Derek shrugged. "And she's missed you." “Oh,” Meredith breathed. “I...you should...I mean...she’s not in daycare. So you should...um, fix it.” "She doesn't like staying in daycare. I can talk to her about coming to see you if you want...but I can't make promises she won't come. She has a mind of her own." “Daycare’s silly. I wanna watch a surgery,” Hannah nodded, wrapping her arms around Derek’s neck. “Mereith, come watch a hemistomies with me.” "Meredith probably has too many things to do to watch them with you," Derek told his daughter, then looked at Meredith again. "You can if you want or have time though." “I’m...I’m on cardio.” "I know," he nodded. "Bored, yet?" “A little,” she admitted quietly, smiling slightly as her eyes finally met his. "I can get you on neuro soon if you want," he offered. "Or plastics if that's any better." “I...” she paused for a second. Neuro would be good. She was good at neuro. Amazing at neuro. “Dr. Stevens isn’t helping you enough?” "She is," Derek nodded. "But I can't actually make promises in how long it is till I kill her and I'll need another intern." “Killing’s bad, Daddy.” "You don't know Dr. Stevens, honey." “Nana says killing’s always bad.” "Nana also doesn't know Dr. Stevens." “You chose her,” Meredith pointed out, her voice suddenly stronger as the pain shot through her. "I know," he nodded, frowning slightly. "I shouldn't have." “No,” she murmured, looking back down. “It’s good you did.” "Mer...its not," he shook his head. “No, it is,” she nodded. “She...I need to learn something else, probably.” "Not if you know what you want." “I don’t. That’s...that’s the point.” "If you didn't, not being on neuro wouldn't be hurting so much." “It’s not hurting,” she shook her head. “I’m fine.” "I hate that word." “What word?” "Fine." “Well that’s what I am. I’m fine. Completely fine. Cardio is...cardio is fine.” "Fine," Derek nodded. "This conversation can wait till Hannah's not around." “We’re not having this conversation at all,” she shrugged, suddenly itching to walk away from him. Walk away before she did something else. “You should get her back to daycare.” "I will," he nodded. "Hannah, tell Meredith you'll see her later." “Can I come see you later, Mereith?” Hannah asked. "Oh umm...okay," Meredith nodded slightly. “We gotta make an ‘ppointment,” Hannah nodded eagerly. "An appointment?" Meredith asked. “Yep,” Hannah nodded. “So I don’t get in trouble if you’re real busy.” "Oh...okay," Meredith nodded slowly. “Tell Daddy when you’re not busy, kay?” "Okay," Meredith nodded. “Bye, Mereith,” Hannah grinned, reaching out her arms for a hug. "Oh umm...bye Hannah," Meredith murmured, stepping forward to awkwardly hug her. “See you later!” Hannah giggled, pulling away to wrap her arms around Derek’s neck. "You will," Derek nodded, smiling at Meredith. “Labs,” Meredith murmured. “I have labs.” "You do," Derek grinned. “Goodbye, Dr. Shepherd,” she sighed. "See you later, Dr. Grey." “Bye, Mereith!” Hannah waved as Derek turned and moved into an elevator, the doors closing quickly and blocking them both from view. The ache in her chest returned the second they were gone. That stupid stupid ache. She wanted to avoid him, she wanted to avoid them. And she could have. She could have told Hannah that she was too busy to talk. But Meredith was quite certain those eyes were actually impossible to say no too. It took enough strength to keep saying no to Derek, she couldn't do it to Hannah too. Hopefully Derek would talk to her, tell her to stop. Because it wasn’t easy when a five year old wanted her around so bad. Derek...he was a grown man, he had to deal with the rejection. But Hannah...Derek needed to talk to her. So that she would stop coming around and being adorable and amazing, and giving her those Shepherd eyes. It was cute, Meredith just wasn’t sure why Hannah liked her so much. They had talked three times, for now. And every single time Meredith had felt entirely awkward and that she was screwing everything up. She didn't know how to talk to children but she was pretty sure it was more than the awkward one word answers she was using right now. She hadn't even known how to pinky swear. And Hannah was five. Hannah had no reason to like her. She was just being a five year old. Kids were weird like that. Derek would talk to her and sooner or later she’d get over it. And then she could return back to her normal life. Without the cute five year old who wanted to be a real true ballerina. And without the neurosurgeon who made her wish this could be ten times easier. I told myself I won't miss you But I remember What it feels like beside you



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:11 PM Post #8
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: The pictures of Paddy are still too hot for us to think of any good disclaimer. So let's just say...if we owned the show that would be our beds Paddy is all stretched out half naked on. Derek flipped through the paperwork on his desk, rubbing his forehead as he signed yet another piece of paper. He had been at this all afternoon, sorting through the massive amounts of paperwork that seemed to multiply everytime he sat down. Of course, it was only made worse by Dr. Stevens’ constant questions and pages about their VIP pages. He really needed to figure out why Bailey kept assigning the blonde to him. She was probably trying to drive him nuts by sending him the most annoying intern day in and day out. Not that Stevens wasn't nice, or sweet or possibly a good doctor. She was just too perky and eager to learn. Getting her every now and then would be fun but every day made him want to take a bullet to his head, or even better hers. Or maybe not head...then he'd just have to operate on her. He already missed Meredith. And not because of the obvious, but purely for her professional skills. She was an ace at neuro, she got it and she was amazing at it. And she wasn’t unbearably perky. So he missed her, really missed her. Everytime he thought about requesting her, he found out she was on cardio or gyno. And it was driving him nuts. He had to talk to Bailey. Meredith would be less than pleased with him for dragging her back to him but this just wasn't fair to either of them. It was driving him nuts going days without really seeing her, without talking to her. When he did see her it was accompanied by an ache in his chest that made him think that maybe it was time to start really chasing her again. “Daddy?” Hannah asked from where she sat in front of a small table, crayons surrounding her. "Yeah?" “We’re gonna eat turkey at Nana’s for Tanksgivin’ right?” "Yep," Derek nodded. “Where does the turkey come from?” "It comes from the store." “How does it get to the store?” "The farmer," Derek shrugged. “Are you real sure, Daddy?” she asked as she traced her left hand. "Yeah, Han," Derek nodded. "Why?” “Cause Kevin at school said him and his daddy go kill turkey for dinner.” "Oh," Derek sighed, smiling slightly at his daughter. "Some families do that, they go and kill a turkey. But Grandma buys it at a store who got it from a farmer." “Does the farmer kill the turkey or does he grow it?” "He...kills it." “He does?” Hannah looked from her coloring, her lower lip quivering. "Oh honey, it's okay," Derek sighed. "It's not...the turkeys aren't...they're not pets or wild animals...they're raised to be...killed." “But, Daddy,” she stood up and ran over to him, a piece of paper in her hand, “today we learneded how to draw turkeys with our hand and they make funny noises, like gobble gobble and they’re...killing’s bad, Daddy!” "Killing is bad. But we have to kill some things so we can eat and live. It's how the world works." “But they’re like my hand,” she shoved the picture of her hand turned turkey into his face. "That's a beautiful turkey," Derek nodded. "But...it's...turkeys are raised to be eaten." “I don’t wanna eat turkey no more.” "But you love turkey." “Not no more.” "But if you don't eat Uncle Monkey will," Derek pointed out.' “Uncle Monkey can’t have no more turkey. And you can’t have turkey no more too, Daddy.” "But I like turkey." “They kill turkey, Daddy.” "I know," Derek nodded. "But...they kill a lot of things so we can eat them. It's just...it's how things work." “No more turkey,” Hannah said firmly, looking down at her picture. “You’ll be the meanest daddy ever if you eat turkey.” "I'll..what?" “Be the meanest daddy ever.” "But I've been eating turkey my whole life." “No more turkey, Daddy.” "Hannah, I'm not going to stop eating turkey," Derek sighed. “Then you’ll be the meanest daddy ever.” "Hannah Rose Shepherd...people eat turkey. And they cow and pig and chicken. It's what we do. Just like lions eat zebras and bears eat fish." “I eat pigs?” Hannah frowned. “Like Piglet?” "Not like Piglet," Derek shook his head quickly. “But Piglet’s a pig.” "Yes...but he's...he's a stuffed pig that comes to life." “But he’s a pig, Daddy.” "Yes...but...Hannah, if you stop eating meat you have to give up a lot of your favourite foods." “What if Piglet comes alive and someone kills him cause they think he’s a real pig but he’s not a real pig, Daddy and then we ate Piglet?” she asked, ignoring him. "No one would kill Piglet." “What if they killed him on ccident?” "They won't." “But what if they did?” "It's not going to," Derek shook his head. “But what if they did?” Hannah repeated and then stopped when saw Bailey walking by Derek’s office. “Dr. Miranda! Dr. Miranda!” "Hannah!" Bailey greeted. “Dr. Miranda, you gotta tell my daddy he can’t eat no more turkey cause if he eats turkey he’ll be the meanest daddy in the world and if he eats pig and he eats Piglet he’ll be the meanest daddy in the whole u-verse!” "Now why would your daddy not eat turkey?" “Cause they kill ‘em, Dr. Miranda,” Hannah nodded. “They kill ‘em and that’s real bad cause they’re like my hand, see!” She held up her picture. “And cause they make funny noises like gobble gobble and I like turkeys but they kill ‘em. Daddy said. So he can’t eat no more turkey.” "The turkeys are made to be killed," Bailey shrugged. “But I like turkeys. And they’re like my hand!” "Some turkeys are like your hand. But those aren't the turkeys people kill." “They’re not?” "Nope. They're not cute and they're not friendly." “Are they real mean, Dr. Miranda?” "Very mean. If you're not careful they'll bite you. Not hard, you won't need a doctor but it would hurt." “Biting’s not nice.” "No it definitely isn't," Bailey shook her head. "But you don't have to worry, those are the turkeys you eat. Not the nice cute ones." “Ohhhh,” Hannah nodded. “What about Piglet, Dr. Miranda?” "You're definitely not going to be eating Piglet," Bailey smiled. "The pigs they use for food are big and stinky." “Piglet’s not big and stinky,” Hannah smiled slightly. "Exactly," Bailey nodded. “Okay,” Hannah nodded slowly. “You can eat turkey, Daddy. But you gotta make sure it’s not cute turkey. You gotta make sure Nana gets the mean turkeys.” "I'll make sure," Derek smiled. “Good,” she said firmly. “Dr. Miranda, I’m gonna draw you a cute turkey.” "Thank you, Hannah," Bailey grinned. Hannah turned back to her table, putting her left hand down on paper and pulling out an orange crayon. “Thanks for that,” Derek sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I thought I was going to have a five year old vegetarian on my hands.” "No problem," Bailey laughed softly. "You would have figured it out." “Not sure I would have,” Derek shook his head slightly, smiling at Hannah. “And I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to ask you a favor.” "A favour?" Bailey frowned. “Yes, about one of your interns.” "Grey?" “Well, yes,” Derek nodded. "And what is it exactly that you want?" “She shows a real promise in neuro,” Derek nodded. “She enjoys it, she’s good at it. I feel she’s wasting her time with cardio and plastics and ob/gyn.” "Oh you do?" “I do. Sloan doesn’t let her scrub in, she doesn’t enjoy cardio, and I’m sure she isn’t even thinking about obstetrics and gynecology. I think it would be best for her career if she were to spend some time with me in neuro.” "Her career? You're concerned for her career?" “Of course I am,” Derek nodded firmly. “I’m her boss and her teacher.” "And that's everything?" “Of course.” "Why do I not believe you?" “I have no idea. But do I need to remind you that technically, I’m your boss?” "I'm not afraid of you." “And I was your resident your intern year,” he grinned. "You were," Bailey nodded. "It's a wonder I managed to learn anything.' “I was an excellent teacher,” Derek frowned. "I spent more time holding Hannah than I spent holding a scalpel." “And I’m forever thankful for that,” Derek nodded. "And now you're sucking up." “Miranda,” Derek sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “the other interns...O’Malley doesn’t have the confidence for neuro, Stevens is too damn perky, Karev has an attitude problem, and Yang...Yang has more interest in cardio than anything else. And she doesn’t hesitate to tell me that. I work well with Grey, and I feel I could teach her a lot.” "I'd be happy to give her to you if you hadn't been so concerned about...stuff earlier." “That’s...over,” Derek said, wincing slightly at the words. "It's over?" “Grey wants nothing to do with me,” Derek nodded. “Except for in a professional capacity.” "What happened?" “Nothing,” Derek shook his head, shooting a glance towards Hannah. “She’s an intern, and I’m an attending.” "Was it because of...you know?" Bailey asked gently. “A part of it, yes,” Derek sighed. "I'm sorry, Derek," Bailey sighed. “She...um, she wasn’t sure,” Derek murmured. “It was something she wasn’t sure she was ready for.” "It's something big," Bailey nodded. "But she's the one missing out." “Hmmm,” Derek sighed and then looked up at her. “Can I have her on my service?” "She does like neuro the most," Bailey sighed. “She does. She’d get the best experience if she were on my service.” "Fine," Bailey nodded. "On one condition." “What?” Derek grinned. "You don't use this to try anything stupid. She's your intern. That's it." “What would I possibly do with her?” "You know exactly what I'm talking about," Bailey warned, looking at Hannah quickly. “I’ll be on my best behavior,” he couldn’t help but smirk. “Scout’s honor.” "Were you ever even a scout?" “I was,” Derek laughed. “Until Mark and I got kicked out of camp.” "Should have known." “For the record, it was Mark’s fault. And his idea to sneak over to the girl scout camp.” "That actually makes sense." “I was an entirely innocent observer.” "You're lucky your daughter is in the room." “You say that a lot,” Derek chuckled. "I wouldn't have to if you would stop being an idiot." “Hey, my daughter’s in the room,” Derek frowned. "She'll figure that part out soon enough." “Dr. Miranda,” Hannah jumped up, “this is Ted the Turkey.” She held up a piece of paper. "Oh wow," Bailey smiled. "Ted looks very nice." “He is,” Hannah nodded. “He won’t bite you.” "Good," Bailey grinned. “So don’t let no one eat him,” Hannah sighed. “And you gotta hang him up like Daddy hangs up my pictures at home.” "I will. I'll put him on my fridge the second I get home," Bailey nodded. “Good,” Hannah grinned. “Daddy, do you wanna turkey?” "Sure, Hannah Banana," Derek smiled. “What do you wanna name him?” "You can name him whatever you want." “Do you think Mereith wants a turkey?” she asked as she sat down again at her table. "You can make her one," Derek nodded. “It’ll be a surprise!” Hannah grinned as she traced her hand again. "Okay," Derek smiled. “Don’t tell her, Dr. Miranda,” Hannah grinned. "I won't breathe a word," Bailey grinned. "And Shepherd, it's on you to explain the little arrangement." “I will,” Derek sighed. “I get her tomorrow?” "She's all yours," Bailey nodded. “Thank you,” Derek nodded as her pager went off. “I’ll talk to her in the morning about it.” "Good," Bailey nodded. "And I have to go. See you later, Hannah." “Bye, Dr. Miranda.” "Bye Shepherd," Bailey sighed. "And if you mess with her, you'll be hearing from me." “I had a feeling,” Derek nodded as he picked up his pen. "Good," Bailey nodded, walking out of the room. “Is it time to go home yet, Daddy?” Hannah asked, her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth as she colored. "Yep, just finishing my paperwork up," Derek nodded, signing the bottom of one page. "Tired?" “Nope,” she shook her head. “Hungry.” "What do you want for supper?" “Hmm...bsghetti.” "With meat balls?" “What’s meatballs?” she asked. “Is it pig?” "It's cow." “Mean cow or good cow?” "Very mean cow." “Okay,” she nodded. “With meat balls.” "Good," he smiled, getting up from his desk and throwing some books in his bag. “And bread too,” she said as she gathered her own backpack. “And chocolate milk.” "Sounds good," Derek grinned. “Really, really good,” she grinned. “Come on, Daddy, let’s go.” "Let's go," Derek smiled, reaching out for his daughter's hand. He couldn’t help but grin as he led her to the elevators, as she rambled on and on about pilgrims and turkeys and everything else she was learning about in school as Thanksgiving came closer. He hadn’t expected Bailey to give into his plan, at least not that easily. He had really thought he would have to beg. But she had given in and he was getting Meredith back. Disclaimer: If Mer/Der don’t work out by winter hiatus, we give you guys permission to start a petition for us to write for the show. We’re kidding. Maybe. I mean, we don’t own it now, but we could. Maybe. "Grey, Stevens, come here I have to talk to you," Bailey's voice interupted the interns talking as she stuck her head in the door. “Crap,” Meredith muttered to Izzie. “Did you do anything?” "No," Izzie frowned. "Did you?" “Besides getting Sloan the wrong drink,” Meredith sighed, “no.” "Do I look like I have all day? Lives are waiting, hurry your asses up," Bailey snapped. “Sorry, Dr. Bailey,” Meredith said quickly as she and Izzie walked up to her. "Change of assignments...Grey, you're with Shepherd, Stevens you've got Sloan." “What?” Meredith frowned. “But we’re...Izzie has been on the case and I...why?” "Because I said so," Bailey frowned. “But...why?” Meredith sighed. "Talk to Shepherd," Bailey informed her. “I’d rather be with Sloan, Dr. Bailey,” Meredith tried, the prospect of talking to Derek, Dr. Shepherd, causing her heart to race. "And I'd rather be on some tropical island." “Dr. Bailey, Izzie knows the patient. She’s familiar with the case.” "I'm aware of that, Dr. Grey." “Then...why?” "Because some people are idiots," Bailey groaned. "Go." “Fine,” Meredith sighed. "If it's so fine why are you still standing here?" “Going,” Meredith nodded as she walked off, Izzie next to her. “Sorry, Iz.” "It's okay," Izzie shrugged. “Do you...I mean...did Shepherd tell you he was going to do this?” "He didn't say anything about it," Izzie shook her head. "Though...I don't he likes me that much." “Why not?” Meredith sighed, biting the side of her cheek to keep from laughing. "Just how he looks at me," Izzie sighed. "I mean...he's like super nice, a great guy, amazing doctor but when he looks at me...I get the feeling he really wishes I'd go away." “Probably not, Iz,” Meredith tried to comfort her friend, all the while trying very hard not to laugh. "Yeah well...it will be nice to have an easier day anyway," Izzie shrugged. “Good luck with Sloan,” Meredith nodded. “I’ll see you later.” "See you," Izzie nodded. Meredith sighed as she jogged up the stairs, wondering what the hell was going on. She had been with Sloan the day before, and she was supposed to be with him today. She had never actually seen this happen, never actually had Bailey change assignments in the middle of the shift. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy to be on neuro again, but she had a very weird feeling about it. And Bailey not having a reason even seemed wierder. Bailey never did anything without an explanation and doing something like this out of the blue for no reason at all seemed just wierd. So there had to be something Bailey wasn't telling her, something else was going on and she had no idea what it was but she didn't need to actually be a brain surgeon to know Derek was behind this. She hadn’t talked to him since Hannah had snuck out of daycare to see her. She hadn’t seen him at all. Somehow, she had gotten lucky and not gotten onto his service. Which was good. Really, really good. But now, suddenly, she was being pulled from another service to be on neuro. Derek definitely had something to do with it. Which just pissed her off. He wasn’t supposed to play favorites, ever. "Dr. Grey," his voice suddenly came out of no where. “Dr. Shepherd,” she turned. “I’m apparently with you today.” "You are," he nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Although..before we round there's something I'd like to discuss with you in my office." “First tell me why the hell Dr. Stevens is off the case,” she frowned. “And why I was pulled off of plastics.” "Exactly why we need to to go my office," he sighed. “You did this, didn’t you?” she asked as she followed him to his office. "I did this," he nodded, as he opened the door. "But let me explain." “Let me guess. This is your idea of trying to get back into my pants? Seriously? Seriously. Derek, Dr. Shepherd, I am not...we’re not doing this. We’re done. We agreed. We’re done. I ended it. It’s over.” "Dr. Grey," he said evenly. "Do you really think that this it what this is about?" “Oh,” she bit her lip. He only called her Dr. Grey when they were working, when they were really working. “Um...I mean, if it’s...then...why?” "I think this is good for your career," he sighed, going to lean against his desk. “My career?” Meredith raised an eyebrow. “You’re worried about my career?” "Last time I checked I was your boss," he shrugged. "I'm trying to watch out for you. And this...it could be good for you." “How?” she demanded. “I’m an intern. I’m supposed to try several different specialities.” "Are you really even interested in anything else?" “I don’t...maybe general.” "And you'll still have a chance occasionally." “Occasionally?” she asked. “So...what...I’m on your service until...” "You're on my service," Derek smiled. "There's no actual timeline. You're on my service. You're free to work with others occasionally, and obviously in cases of major emergencies. But you're...my intern." “Your intern? Seriously? Seriously. You can’t...it’s favoritism. It’s complete and total...no. I’m not going to do this. No.” "It's not favourtism," he shook his head. "You love neuro, you're good at neuro. It doesn't make sense for you to waste your time on the other things." “I’m an intern. I like doing other things. I’m supposed to do other things. And what do you think the other interns are going to say? They’re going to say I get this because we fucked all over the hospital.” "Did anyone even ever know about that?" “Cristina,” Meredith sighed. “And...I’m not sure. I think Izzie did. She hinted. But Cristina did. And I don’t want people to think...no. I’m not doing this.” "Meredith...us...don't let us play into this. You want neuro. And this...you'd be working under the best. All the time." “If we hadn’t slept together you wouldn’t even have noticed me. You wouldn’t even be offering this.” "I would be. I've worked with a lot of interns. Out of all of them...you show more promise than anyone else in neuro ever has." “That’s...I...that doesn’t matter,” Meredith shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I have things to prove. And I’m not going to get anything because of who my mom is or because of who I slept with.” "This isn't because I slept with you," he sighed. "God, Mer...Bailey agreed to this. Do you think she would have done that if she didn't think it was a good decision?" “I don’t know why Bailey agreed to this,” she rolled her eyes. “But that doesn’t mean I want it. It doesn’t mean...did it ever occur to you to ask me? Or did you just hope I’d be completely happy and want to work with the brilliant neurosurgeon?” "If you really don't want this...and not because of us, but just because...than you can work with me today and I'll talk to Bailey again." “Seriously?” she frowned. "Seriously," he nodded. "I think this could be a great opportunity for you. But if you don't want this....you don't have to do it." “Oh,” she sighed, chewing on her lip. “Why didn’t you ask me?” "I don't know," he shrugged. "I thought of it yesterday and I just went with it. Sorry." “And you’re not doing it to sleep with me or chase me or...whatever?” "I'm not," he shook his head. "This is for your career. I can't promise not to talk advantage of the time we'll have together, but that's not what this is about. You're an intern, I'm just trying to give you your best shot." “Take advantage?” "Flirting, Mer," he laughed softly. "No promises of no flirting." “No,” she shook her head firmly, stepping up to him. “If we’re going to do this, there are rules. Big rules. Really big rules that you have to follow. And lines you can’t cross. Lines will be drawn and you can’t cross them and no, I don’t need a marker. So there are rules. And you have to swear to follow the rules or I’ll...I’ll tell Bailey.” "Okay," he nodded. "What are the rules?" “First, no flirting. None. No sexy talk. No...flirting. At all. Second, no asking me out on dates or ice cream things or...anything. No asking me out at all. I’m your interns. Interns don’t go out on dates with attendings. Third, no kissing or sex or anything that involves your body and my body doing anything even vaguely dirty. And you have to treat me just like you treat the other interns.” "Okay," he nodded. “Okay?” she asked, looking up at him. "Okay," he repeated. “Good.” "Good," he smiled. “And if you break any of the rules, I talk to Bailey and this is done,” she said firmly. "Understood." “Okay,” she sighed, nodding. “Then I’m your intern.” "You're my intern," he smiled. “And stop looking at me like that.” "Like what?" “Like...dreamy. No dreaminess. And no leaning.” "Oh no," he shook his head. "We've already set out rules...and that wasn't in them." “Well now there’s new rules.” "No," he shook his head. "I agreed to the rules, you agreed the rules. There's no amendments." “I’m amending. There are amendments. And dreaminess and leaning...that’s like flirting.” "Leaning? You're honestly not going to let me lean?" “No leaning.” "Fine," he groaned. "I don't need to lean." “Good,” she nodded. “And no dreaminess.” "How am I supposed to even control that?" “You know you do it. I know you know you do it because when I complain you get all smirky and Derek-y. And no smirking either. Or being Derek-y.” "I can't be Derek?" “No. You’re Dr. Shepherd. You have to be Dr. Shepherd. And I’m Dr. Grey. Not Meredith. Not Mer. Dr. Grey.” "Okay...but...I tend to call people I work with a lot by their first names." “That’s nice,” Meredith shrugged. “I’m Dr. Grey.” "Fine," he groaned. “Fine,” she sighed. "So we're good?" “We’re good,” she nodded. “For now.” "Okay," he nodded and then smiled. "I have something for you." “Okay, gifts? Gifts are against the rules too.” "It's not from me," he laughed, grabbing a paper out of his briefcase and handing it to her. Meredith looked down at the paper, a smile she couldn’t stop spreading across her face as she looked down at the hand-turkey drawing, along with the words To Meredith, obviously written in Derek’s handwriting. “It’s...it’s a turkey.” "It's Tom the Turkey," Derek smiled. “Tom the turkey?” she giggled. "Hannah named him," he laughed gently. “Why a turkey?” she smiled. "She's learning about Thanksgiving in school. I nearly had a vegetarian daughter on my hands." “Seriously? Why?” "She just discovered where turkey meat is from." “And she didn’t want to kill Tom the Turkey?” "Or any other turkey." “How’d you talk her out of it?” "I didn't," Derek sighed. "Bailey convinced her the turkeys we eat are evil." “Evil turkeys?” Meredith gigled. "Apparently they bite." “Nice,” she smiled. “Tell her...tell her thanks. From me.” "I will," Derek grinned. “Okay,” she nodded, folding the picture and putting it in her lab coat. "Oh and you have to hang it up somewhere. She made me promise to tell you that." “Oh, um...I’ll hang it up in my locker or something.” "She'd like that," Derek grinned. “So you can tell her that,” Meredith nodded. "I will." “Good.” "She'll be happy." “Isn’t she always happy?” "You have a point," Derek laughed. “I haven’t seen her upset yet,” Meredith shrugged. “But I mean...I’ve only talked to her like...three times.” "She doesn't get upset very often." “That’s good,” Meredith sighed, rocking back and forth on her heels. “So um...” "Yeah..." he nodded. "Umm...I have a hemispherectomy today." “A hemispherectomy,” Meredith nodded and then grinned. “Hemispherectomy. That’s why Hannah thinks you do hemistomies.” "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the word she's trying for." “It makes sense now,” Meredith nodded. “Okay, hemishpherectomy.” "Hemispherectomy," he smiled, tilting his head to the side before straightening again. "Sorry." “You did it.” "I said sorry," he frowned. “You still did it.” "I know," he sighed. "Working on stopping." “Good,” she nodded. “So what do you need me to do, Dr. Shepherd?” "I have to check on my post ops from last night, you can help with that," Derek nodded. "And I have a minor craniotomy at ten, so I'll have you run our afternoon patients for last minute tests." “Okay,” Meredith nodded, writing down the instructions in a notebook. “Anything else?” "I think that's it," he sighed. "Well that's within the rules. Was saying that against the rules?" “Yes,” she frowned. “Definitely against the rules. That was...that’s...it’s flirting. And there’s no flirting. Definitely no flirting. Or sexy talk. And that was rule number one.” "Sorry," he nodded, trying to stiffle a laugh. “You’re laughing at me.” "No, I'm not." “You are.” "I'm not." “You are,” she pouted. “Why are you laughing at me?” "You're just...cute," he shrugged. "Which I know is definitely against the rules." “That is...you can’t call me cute,” she said firmly. “That’s against the rules and there are rules for a reason. A really big reason. Because if there weren’t rules then you would be allowed to lean and be dreamy which would then make me want to do really, really dirty things. And that’s bad because we can’t do really dirty things. Definitely no dirty things. That’s rule number three.” "You want to do dirty things?" “No,” Meredith shook her head. “I don’t...not now. Because you’re not leaning. Or being dreamy. Or smirking. Because those things and...that’s why there are rules so I don’t want to do dirty things and so you can’t do things. Because dirty things are...dirty and bad and we can’t do them and I really, really need to shut up now.” "But suggesting I did those things...you'd then want to do dirty things to me?" “I...this is against the rules.” "Rules are made to be broken," he whispered. “Dr. Shepherd!” "They are," he shrugged. "But really...I like when you're bossy." “Are you flirting? Because that sounds like flirting.” "It's...an observation." “A flirtatious observation.” "You're paranoid." “You’re flirting. Which is against rule number one.” "I'm not much of a rule person." “You agreed to the rules.” "Did I?" “Yes. You said okay. And then you said fine.” "Oh..." he nodded slowly. "Sorry." “So you have to be a rules person,” she sighed. “No flirting.” "Fun killer." “What?” "You heard me." “I am not a fun killer,” she rolled her eyes. “And I’m going to do things. Work things. Intern things.” "Okay," he nodded. “And you’re going to go do attending things.” "Okay," he nodded again. “Stop saying okay.” "Sorry." “No you’re not.” "I could be." “Are you?” "Well...no." “That’s what I thought,” she sighed. “So I’m going.” "You go," he nodded. “I’m going,” she shrugged, backing towards the door. "Okay," he grinned, walking toward her. “And you should stay,” she nodded slightly. "I have patients to check on," he shrugged. "With you." “Fine,” she rolled her eyes. "Fine," he nodded. “So...going.” "Going," he nodded, reaching his hand out to her. “What...we can’t hand hold.” "I just...I know," he nodded. “Then...why?” she stared at his hand. "I want to." “You want to...hold my hand? At work?” "I just want to touch you....and that sounded dirtier than it should be." “You can’t touch me. There’s no touching. That’s rule number...it’s a rule. And we’re not touching. No touching at all. So no touching. Dirty or otherwise.” "Sorry," he murmured. “So...that’s another rule. No touching,” she backed into his door. "I told you...we had the rules set and agreed, you don't get to change them." “Actually, I think I can when you already broke the rules.” "So I can break that one too?" he smirked, grabbing her hand. “Derek!” she gasped, her tightening instinctively. “What...there’s no...we said no...I’m your intern. Do you hold Izzie’s hand?” "I can't stand Izzie." “Do you hold Cristina’s hand? Or George’s? Or Alex’s?” "Well no...but Cristina might bite and I'm not gay." “Then you don’t get to hold my hand.” "But I am." “Let go, Derek,” she murmured. "I will," he nodded, pulling her slightly closer. “Derek,” her body tensed. “Let go.” "Fine," he sighed, dropping her hand but not stepping back. “You...Derek,” she whispered, tipping her head up, her eyes slightly closed. "Mer..." he breathed, his hand traveling up and down her arm. “We...you...” she leaned back against the door, shivering slightly at his touch. "Hmmm..." he nodded, dipping his head down low. “Derek,” she murmured as his lips brushed hers. She moaned slightly before reaching up to push his head down, the kiss deepening. "Mer..." he moaned softly against her lips, his hands traveling to her back and pulling her closer. She moaned a little louder, her fingers tugging at the curls at the base of his neck, his hands moving to squeeze her ass. “Der...” "Oh...Mer..." he groaned softly. “Derek,” she murmured and then took her hands down, putting them against his chest, and pushed him away. “No. No. That’s....rules...no...no.” She turned quickly, opening the door and running out, slamming the door behind her. Derek smiled to himself and rubbed his lips. He probably shouldn't have kissed her. The idea of keeping her on his service had been a genius way to keep her around but if he kept kissing her that wasn't going to work at all. But she had kissed him back and until she had freaked out she had definitely been enjoying it. That was good. He could hold onto that. I know that goodbye means nothing at all Disclaimer: Alicia can not think of a good disclaimer as Katie woke her up really early to show her the pictures of Paddy. But we don't own the show. And those pictures...we'll say they're too blame for this update being only appropriate for 18+. “I just...I mean, where does he get off flirting with me one second and then going all, concentrate Dr. Grey on me?” Meredith groaned as she stabbed her fork into her salad. "Where does he even get off thinking he can flirt with me?" "He's a man," Cristina shrugged. "They think they have the right to flirt with anybody." "Well, he's not supposed to flirt," Meredith said firmly. "I said no flirting. Rule number one. No flirting." "Rules are for sissies," Alex laughed. "Real men don't follow stupid rules.' "Real men also aren't evil," Izzie rolled her eyes. "Real men are definitely evil, Barbie," Cristina laughed. "Well except for Alex...he's not a real man and yet still evil." "You should try being a real woman, Yang," Alex shrugged. "Might get you laid." "Oh I get plenty of action," Cristina grinned. "Am I the only one not getting action?" Izzie groaned. "I'm not getting action," Meredith pointed out. "Because I don't want to get action, well not from anyone that wants action with me. Definitely don't want any action with him." "You totally want to do McDreamy," Cristina smirked. "I do not," Meredith frowned. "He's all you talked about for the past week and a half," Izzie pointed out. "What? No. I haven't...no, there's no...I haven't been." "You kind of have, Meredith," George nodded. "I mean, he's your boss so it's okay, I guess." "You actually talked less about him when you were jumping him all over the hospital," Cristina pointed out. "You should go back to that. Slutty Meredith is more fun and quieter." "You have no right to talk about slutty anyone," Meredith said to her friend. "At least Derek doesn't withhold surgeries." "No, he sticks you on his service and makes you follow him everywhere." "Okay, neuro is awesome," Meredith said around her food. "It's really awesome. I get to cut brains in half and fix spinal injuries. Burke won't even let you scrub in right now." "Burke's an ass," Cristina groaned. "At least you guys don't have Sloan," Izzie sighed. "He spends half the day staring at my breasts and asking if I want a taste of his pickle. I'm pretty sure it's sexual harassment." "Apparently Derek can make him stop doing that," Meredith sighed. "Don't worry, I've got him to stop for now," Izzie shrugged. "And why do you call Derek by his first name? I thought it was Dr. Shepherd." "Oh umm...I mean Dr. Shepherd," Meredith said quickly. "You've totally said Derek this entire time," Cristina smirked. "I did not." "You have, Mer," Izzie nodded. "Crap," Meredith murmured. "Why don't you just do him?" Alex shrugged. "He's my boss...and it's...he doesn't...I can't just do him," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Alex, she can't just do him," Izzie groaned. "It's not all about sex." "It should be all about sex," Cristina groaned. "It can't be," Meredith sighed. "He's...he's my boss. And he has a kid. And he's my boss. And unlike some people here, I'm not into screwing my boss." "At least I'm screwing someone," Cristina smirked. "I can screw someone," Meredith nodded. "I can go to Joe's and screw someone. It's not that hard. It's easy." "Then why haven't you?" Cristina asked. "I am busy," Meredith waved her fork in the ear. "I am an intern. I have family...crap to worry about. I am busy." "Too busy for sex?" Alex asked. "Mereith!" "Hannah!" Meredith exclaimed, turning to see Derek's daughter rushing over to the table. "Hi, Mereith!" Hannah lunged herself at Meredith, climbing up onto her lap. "You're not busy, right? Cause Daddy said I had to leave you alone if you're busy." "Oh...I'm not busy," Meredith shook her head. "Eating my lunch." "Whatcha eatin'?" Hannah asked, turning to look at Meredith's plate and scrunching up her nose. "Ewww...salad." "Salad is yummy," Meredith grinned. "Want some?" "Salad is not yummy, Mereith. My daddy likes salad. He eats salad all the time and yucky cereal and...not yummy. Whatcha eatin' for dessert?" "Oh...I have some pudding," Meredith sighed. "What kind of pudding?" "Chocolate." "Hmmmm," Hannah grinned, reaching for the pudding and Meredith's sppon. "Can I have some? Please, please, please?" "Oh...would your daddy be mad?" "Nope." "I'm pretty sure he would be," Meredith laughed. "But go ahead, just a little though." "Kay," Hannah nodded, dipping her spoon into the yogurt, bouncing slightly on Meredith's lap as she took a big bite. "Hi," she said to the other interns. "I'm Hannah Shepherd." "Dr. Shepherd's kid?" Cristina asked. "Yep," Hannah nodded. "My daddy does hemistomies." "Hemispherectomies," Meredith explained. "Yeah, that's what I said," Hannah nodded and then turned back to Cristina. "Who are you?" "I'm Cristina." "Hi Cristina. Do you do hemistomies or rhinopasties?" "Nope," Cristina shook her head. "Well sometimes... I do heart stuff." "Heart stuff? What's that called?" "There's lot of them," Cristina shrugged. "Oh," Hannah nodded and then turned back to Meredith. "Mereith, Daddy said you put Tom in your locker. Is it dark? Cause he might be scared and I thinked maybe I'll make him a special friend to have sleepovers." "I think he's okay but you can make him a friend if you want," Meredith grinned. "I'll make him lots of friends and then when Christmas comes I'll make you more pictures, but not turkeys. Maybe Santa. Or reindeer. Like Rudolph." "That sounds good," Meredith nodded. "Oh!" Hannah looked up excitedly. "I got 'nother loose tooth, Mereith! Daddy says the tooth fairy is gonna be all out of dollars!" "Another one?" Meredith asked. "Wow." "I know. I'm gonna get 'nother dollar when it falls out. Uncle Monkey says when I loose these teeth," Hannah pointed to her top teeth, "then I'm gonna look real funny." "Uncle Monkey?" Izzie asked. "He does rhinopasties," Hannah nodded. "Sloan," Meredith smiled. "Seriously?" Izzie grinned. "Sloan is Uncle Monkey?" "He's Derek's best friend," Meredith explained. "He's my favorite," Hannah giggled. "He gives me donuts. Daddy says donuts are special treats but I like 'em all the time." "Donuts are yummy," Izzie grinned, as Meredith fiddled with her pager. "I know," Hannah nodded. "I'm Hannah Shepherd. What's your name?" "I'm Izzie. I'm one of Meredith's friends." "Then you can be my friend too!" "Cool," Izzie smiled. "Do you like turkeys, Izzie?" "Turkeys? Sure," Izzie shrugged. "Do you eat 'em?" "Yeah." "Only the bad ones, right?" "Yes, Izzie only eats the bad ones," Meredith said quickly. "That's good," Hannah nodded, grabbing a napkin and then turning to take Meredith's pen out of her coat pocket, putting her left hand down and tracing. "Cause you can't eat good turkeys. Like Tom and Ted and Terry. They don't bite. They're good turkeys. You can eat bad mean turkeys that bite. Dr. Miranda says it hurts kinda bad. And you can eat those turkeys." "Oh...okay," Izzie nodded. "Only bad turkeys, I'll remember." "Tanksgiving's gonna be here real soon," Hannah reported. "That's when the pilgrims came and they didn't die so they had a big party with the Indians and they ate lots and lots of turkey and corn." "There is," Izzie smiled. "Did you learn that in school?" "Yep," Hannah nodded. "And there's a corna...a corna...there's a thing with lots and lots of fruits and veggies. I had to color it. And I gave it to Daddy cause he likes fruits and veggies. Then I colored Uncle Monkey a pie cause he eats all the pie at Nana's." "Wow, that's cool," Izzie smiled. "I know," Hannah grinned, bending over her napkin. "I like Tanksgiving. But I like Christmas lots and lots more. Cause Santa comes and gives me presents. And then my birthday's real soon after Christmas and then I get even more presents!" "Presents are very fun," Izzie giggled. "Yep," the little girl nodded. "And I'll get lots and lots this year cause I'm turning six and that's real big. That's even bigger than five!" "It is bigger than five," Izzie nodded. "But I'm the smallest at Nana's. The very smallest." "You are the smallest," Derek's voice cut in from behind Meredith. "Daddy!" Hannah turned and smiled at him. "Tyler said you were scrubbed in so I came and found Mereith. She's not busy, pwomise." "I know she's not," Derek nodded, leaning over to kiss Hannah's cheek quickly. "And I'm drawing my new friend Izzie a picture," Hannah held up the napkin that had a drawing of a turkey. "Oh good job, Han," Derek smiled, looking at Izzie quickly. "I'm sure Izzie will love it." "I don't know what to name him though," Hannah sighed dramatically. "Izzie, do you want a boy turkey or a girl turkey?" "I think a girl turkey would be nice," Izzie nodded. "Daddy, what's a girl turkey name that starts with t like turkey?" "How about...Tina?" Derek asked. "Tina," Hannah nodded excited. "Daddy, spell it!" "T-I-N-A," Derek smiled. "You can get Meredith to help you put Izzie's name on if you want." "Okay," Hannah nodded, concentrating on the letters. "I can't write real good yet, Mereith, but teacher says I'm real smart. Right, Daddy? That's what teacher said?" "That is exactly what the teacher said," Derek smiled proudly. "Tina's real easy," Hannah grinned. "There's an a like in my name. Mereith, you know what's real cool about my name?" "What?" Meredith asked. "It's spelled same back and front," Hannah grinned. "So I can't ever, ever forget! Daddy said he did it on purpose. But I think he's not telling the truth." "I think he isn't either," Meredith giggled. "See, Daddy," Hannah giggled as she handed Izzie her picture. "Happy Tanksgiving, Izzie!" "Thank you, Hannah," Izzie grinned. "She's perfect." "I know," Hannah nodded. "Hannah's not really good at being modest," Meredith laughed. "What's modest?" Hannah asked. "It means that you know you're good and say it a lot," Meredith grinned. "That's cause I am good. I'm the bestest." "You are," Meredith nodded, running her fingers through Hannah's curls. "And the pwettiest," Hannah grinned. "Right, Daddy?" "Definitely right," Derek smiled. "Yep," Hannah nodded. "Daddy, can I stay with you and Mereith all day? I don't wanna go to daycare." "Meredith and I have surgeries, honey," Derek sighed. "Hemistomies?" "None of those today," Derek grinned. "Different surgeries." "Oh," Hannah nodded. "I'll be real quiet and watch." "You are not watching surgeries all afternoon," Derek shook his head. "And we should get you back there now." "Why?" Hannah whined. "Because you're supposed to be in daycare." "But I don't wanna go to daycare. I wanna stay with you and Mereith." "I know you do. But you can't." "I'll be real quiet and good." "I know you would be," Derek nodded. "But still...daycare." "Sometimes you're real mean, Daddy," Hannah sighed as Derek lifted her out of Meredith's lap. "I know," he rolled his eyes. "I'm not working late tonight." "So not a doctor? You're gonna be a daddy?" "Yep," Derek smiled. "But you have to be a good girl in daycare right now." "Fine," Hannah sighed. "Bye, Izzie, bye Cristina, by people I don't know." "Bye Hannah, it was nice meeting you," Izzie smiled. "I'll come with," Meredith jumped out of her chair. "There's a postop patient we need to talk about, Dr. Shepherd." "Oh...okay," Derek grinned. "You can come." "Bye, everyone," Hannah waved as Derek carried her away. "Sorry she bugged you again," Derek murmured to Meredith. "I'm sure you are." "What?" Derek frowned. "Nothing. Not now. Drop your daughter off." "Okay," Derek nodded. Meredith stood by as Derek dropped Hannah off at daycare, smiling at the five year old as she threw her arms around Meredith's neck before Derek dropped her off, walking out a few minutes later. "I can't believe you," Meredith shook her head. "What?" "I mean, fine, you want to be an ass and flirt. Whatever. But Hannah...I can't believe you." "Mer...what the hell are you talking about?" "That's the second time this week, Derek," she hissed. "That's the second time this week your daughter conveniently snuck out of daycare and conveniently found me." "She likes you, Mer," Derek shrugged. "I thought you told her to stop." "Well...I didn't actually tell her to stop...but it wouldn't have made a difference. She gets bored and goes to visit friends at the hospital. You're one of them." "You didn't tell her to stop," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Of course not. You probably told her to come see me." "What? Why would I do that?" "Because you're you and you're flirty and I get mad at you when you're flirty so you use your five year old daughter to get me to talk to you or something. I don't know. People use kids for that kind of crap all the time. She's five, Derek. I can't even believe you'd do that to your own daughter." "One second...you're accusing me of using my daughter?" "That's clearly what you're doing." "What the hell? I would never use my daughter that way, ever." "You haven't told her to stop, hell you practically grin when you come and grab her from me to take her to daycare You're completely encouraging it. What? Do you think she's going to make me change my mind? Do you think I'm going to fall completely in love with her and then want to be with you? Because that's sick, Derek." "I can't believe you're even suggesting this shit. What kind of father do you think I am?" "Apparently the kind of father who uses his five year old to get girls." "That is not what I'm doing. I would never do that. Trust me...I'm willing to go pretty far out there to get you, I am...but my daughter? No...never going to happen. She's five years old, Mer." "I'm glad you realize that," Meredith nodded. "Do you take her to the park and play the whole pity the single dad routine? Or am I just getting special treatment? Because she keeps finding me and you don't seem to care that your five year old daughter is running around a hospital, a hospital without any supervision. And you don't seem to care that she talks to everyone and anything, which by the way, isn't good because she's five." "She grew up in this hospital," Derek groaned. "Everyone knows her, she knows her way around. People keep an eye on her. She's not running around without supervision. And honestly...how could...the pity routine? Have I ever once tried to get any pity for being a single dad? Have I ever once used it to get your attention? Hell, I didn't even tell you." "No, but now that I know and I’m telling you I won't date you, she sure seems to be around all the time." "Because she likes you, Mer! It's totally completely her. You can ask. Go ask her if I have ever told her to go find you, if I ever told her to befriend you...ask her." "Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes. "If you want to do this, fine. But it's not getting you in my pants." "Meredith, listen to me...I know you're not used to people liking you for no reason, but Hannah does. And if she didn't...you'd never see her. I would never use my daughter in anyway. I'm disgusted you're even suggesting it. I thought you knew me better." "And I thought I knew you better too." "How can you even accuse me of this? You know how much I love that little girl." "I do. Which is why I can't believe you'd do it. But it's not a coincidence, Derek, that every time we fight or I yell at you for flirting she suddenly appears and is all...cute and Hannah-like." "It's actually a complete coincidence," Derek sighed. "I don't tell my daughter who to like, and I don't tell her who to seek out. God, Mer...she doesn't even think you're my friend...she thinks you're her friend. That's what she calls you...her friend Meredith." "And I'm sure you're so sorry she keeps finding me and talking to me. I'm sure you'd just wish she'd stop." "No I don't," Derek shook his head. "Because being around you makes her happy, and I would never take anything like that away from her. And when you're around her...you look happy, a little overwhelmed but happy. So no, I don't want it to stop. But that doesn't mean I'm encouraging it." "Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes, turning to walk away from him. "You're not walking away from me," he groaned, grabbing onto her arm. "Why the hell not?" "Because what you're accusing me of...it's possibly the biggest insult...god, Mer...how? How the hell do you even think that of me? Am I that desperate? Do you hate me that much?" "Come on, Derek, you get me assigned to your service and spend the last two weeks flirting at every chance you get and kissing and eye sex and leaning and smirking. You've already proven you're desperate and slightly stalkerish. I told you to let go and you won't let go." "I'm..." he sighed, looking around before grabbing her arm again and pulling her into a tiny supply closet. "You actually...desperate and slightly stalkerish?" "I ended it. I ended it and now you're getting me assigned to your service and using your daughter and...yeah...you won't let go." "The assigning to my service...you know that had nothing to do about us. And how many times do I have to tell you...I'm not using my daughter." "Fine," Meredith sighed. "You're not using your daughter. I'm sorry." "You're sorry?" "Is there something else you want me to say?" "Just...you called me a desperate stalker." "Fine, you're not a stalker." "At least try to make it sound a little convincing," he sighed. "You're not a stalker," she sighed. "Can I go now?" "Yeah..." he nodded, looking at his feet. "Derek..." she sighed. "I said you can go," he murmured. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I…it's just...you're you and I'm me and there's and I...I don't...I'm sorry." "I know," he sighed. "Just...I...nothing, it's nothing. I'm fine." "You hate that word," she giggled softly. "I do," he smiled slightly. "I just...I want to be with you, Mer. That's all. I don't want you to think I'm so horrible monster that's fucking with your life just to get in your pants." "I know," she sighed, moving towards him. "I'm sorry." "I know," he nodded. "You don't actually think I'm that horrible...do you?" "No," she shook her head. "No. I just...and you're and this...no." "Good," he nodded slowly. "Good," she nodded, biting her lip as she looked at him, as she looked at the sadness in his eyes, his body drooping against the door as he avoided her eyes. "Der," she sighed. "Don't worry...I'm...good," he whispered. "Is that your version of fine?" "Maybe," he laughed softly. "I'm sorry," she repeated again, pain ripping through her chest as he backed away slightly from her fingers that were gently moving through his hair. "You keep saying that," he nodded. "Because you're pissed and sad and I was a bitch and..." she shook her head. "It will be okay," he sighed. "Will it?" she murmured as she looked up at him, standing on her tip toes slightly as she moved her mouth closer against his. "I hope so," he breathed. "Me too," she nodded, pushing him against the door hard as her lips made contact with his, her tongue demanding entrance immediately as she held him against the door. "Mer..." he gasped, as his arms moved to wrap around her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, nibbling on his lower lip, her hands moving to tighten on his ass. "Hmmm..." he groaned as she rubbed up against his erection and slipped her tongue in his mouth again. She reached her hands around and between them, quickly untying his scrub pants as she deepened the kiss, rubbing her body quickly against his, both of them already panting for breath as they pulled away for a moment, their hands in a hurry to remove clothing and touch each other. Derek's lips found Meredith's neck and she gasped as he bit at the skin. "Der!" "Oh Mer...." he groaned, gently sucking at the sensitive skin on her neck as he ran his hands up and down her now bare back, forcing her closer to him as their chests heaved together. She backed him hard against the door again as she pushed his scrub pants down over his hips before moving to remove her own, moaning loudly as he moved his lips and teeth over her skin, sucking hard. "Der, god...Derek..." "Mer...." he whispered against her skin, cupping a breast in one hand as his mouth began to travel lower. He took the nipple between his fingers, tugging on it gently as she groaned, before taking it into his mouth. "Der," she gasped, shaking her head. "No...I...now. Need you now." "Can do..." he breathed, shifting so he held her up against the door before slipping into her. "Oh god..." "Shit," she murmured, biting down on his shoulder to hold in a scream. "God...Der..." "Mer..." he groaned, beginning to thrust into her. "Oh..." "Derek," she whispered urgently, her own hips moving up and down on his erection as he thrust into her, his arms moving to stabilize himself against the door as she squeezed her legs tight around his waist. "Fuck...Derek." "Mer....shit....oh god," he murmured, before capturing her lips hard against his, forcing his tongue into her mouth as he thrusted into her. He moved faster and harder into her, her mouth opening in a silent scream with each hard thrust, her fingernails finding his back and digging in painfully as she tried to capture his lips again, her body shaking with the coming orgasm. "Derek...shit...god, oh god, oh god." "Mer..." he gasped, his own body shaking against hers as he felt everything start to pitch forward. "Oh...Mer." She came hard, her body shaking violently as she dropped her head against his shoulder, her teeth biting down



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:39 PM Post #9
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Bye, Derek," she smiled slightly as she moved out of the supply closet, her hands shaking. She had just slept with him. It hadn't been the plan. She had been angry and fighting and then she had kissed him and they had just...definitely not part of the plan. Never part of the plan and now...she was doing McDreamy. She was doing Derek Shepherd, her boss. Her attending. "You wanted it so much and now that it's over, you don't know what you want..." Disclaimer: It's Grey's Day. Which means a day full of stress, anxiety and a litle excitement mixed in for good measure. If we owned the show it would just be a lot of excitement and celebration. Derek pulled his shirt over his head, trying to ignore the fact his body still had a fine sheen of sweat on it. Good sweat, really good sweat but sweat all the same. He should probably get clean scrubs or something. Later of course. "So that was fun," he sighed. "Definitely fun," Meredith giggled as she tied her scrub pants. "So...." Derek breathed, running his fingers through his hair. "Not that I'm not enjoying this, because I am. But...what exactly is this?" "I had a feeling that was going to come up," she sighed, her hands moving around her back to clasp her bra. "Well...that was...we keep ending up like this. We should talk about it," Derek shrugged. "Or we could just keep ending up like this," she smiled hopefully, slipping her red long-sleeved t-shirt on. "As fun as this is, and it is fun, lots of fun...there's talking that should be had," he sighed, sitting down on the bed. "Fine," she groaned, leaning against the desk, pulling her hair back. "So...what is it?" "I don't know." "I know what I want this to bed," he nodded. "I also know you're not ready for that." "I'm not," she agreed, looking down at the floor. "I know," he whispered. "So...that leaves us a hanging question." "Yeah," she breathed. "I don't want to put this on you, Mer...but...you're the one that has to define this." "I know. I know I do. I just...I don't know it is. I know what you want and I...I can't." "I know," he nodded. "So what is it you want?" "I think I just made that pretty clear, Derek," she giggled slightly. "You did," he laughed softly. "I just...I can't...I'm not ready to be in a relationship or whatever." "I know," he nodded. "But you...I...you're you." "Is that a good thing?" "Yes," she sighed. "I think...yes, it's a good thing. Because you're you and I can't...we keep ending up here." "We do," he grinned. "So we keep ending up like this and you're you and I...I like the you that you are. And you're very good in bed...or against a wall or whatever." "You're not too bad either," he sighed. "But you...I don't know, Derek. I don't know what to do." "Meredith...don't think so hard about it. And don't worry about what I want or what the future may hold for us. Right now...what do you want?" "At this second? You. Naked. Again." "So you want sex." "Yes." "Okay." "But you don't...it's the same as last time. You don't do sex only." "I don't," he nodded. "Not as a rule. But I can." "It's not fair to you," she murmured. "How about you let me decide what's fair and not fair." "How is it fair to you?" she asked, looking at him. "You have a daughter and you want...things and I can't...and I don't know...what if I'm never ready?" "That's a bridge we'll cross when we get there," he sighed. "Right now...I just want to be with you, Mer. I'll take whatever you can give me." "But, Derek, you...you deserve more. You deserve better." "Better than you?" "Yes. Better than somebody who has commitment issues. Better than somebody who has intimacy issues. Better than...better than me. Yes." "Okay...A...I'm starting to come to the realization that quite possibly there is no one better...and B...maybe I do deserve someone without your issues, but when does what I want come into play?" "What?" "I want you, Meredith. I know all the dark and twisty stuff...and I want you still." "I'm not even going to ask why," she sighed. "It sounds lame and whiny and...but...you deserve more than this, Derek. And I know right now you're okay with it but your head is probably kind of fuzzy and in a few hours you'll want more and I...you deserve more." "Unless my brain has been kind of fuzzy for the last few months, which I hope it hasn't with all the cutting I've been doing, I know what I want and it's not going to change," he shrugged. "And I don't know why I want it." "So...you're okay with this? Really okay?" "Do you really think I'm going to take issue with having all the sex I want?" "Well...no," Meredith giggled. "I just...you don't do this. You don't do the sex only thing because you have a daughter. A really cute daughter who I adore but you...you don't do this and now you're going to do it and I don't want you to think...it may not go anywhere." "I know it might not," he nodded. "And the daughter...I don't usually do sex only because Hannah gets...it gets complicated. But you know about Hannah, you know why you can't spend the night and all that stuff." "So we're just having sex here...at the hospital." "I can't take you home, Mer. Hannah would be confused. And I can't not go home at night." "Okay," she nodded slowly. "Okay." "So sex only." "Sex only," she sighed. "Are you okay?" Derek asked, looking at her carefully. "I'm good, Der," Meredith smiled slightly. "I just...I don't know if this is a good idea. For you." "I'm willing to give it a try," he shrugged. "You don't have to worry about me." "Of course you're willing," she rolled her eyes. "All the sex at work you want." "With you." "With me." "That's a big part of the equation for me." "I know. I know it is." "And I really am okay with this." "Right now you are." "And I will be. If it stops being okay...I'll force you to talk after mind blowing sex again." "Oh you think you're so sneaky," she rolled her eyes. "You know there are rules to the sex only thing." "Rules are good," he smiled. "We were really good with them last time." "No breaking them this time. I'm not going to break them and you definitely can't break them." "I'm not agreeing to not breaking them until I know what they are." "Fine," she sighed. "One, no dating. You don't get to ask me out on dates or meet me for drinks or something and be all...datey about it. No dates. No dating. And no sneaky dating." "What's sneaky dating?" "Not that I'm accusing you of using your daughter...I'm not. At all. But sneaky dating is asking me to meet you guys at like...the ice cream place and then you're all...datey about it." "Okay," he laughed. "But what if Hannah asks you?" "If Hannah asks me then that's different. Then I'm Hannah's friend and you just sit there." "If I sit beside you in the caf to eat lunch or buy you a coffee in the morning does that count as a date?" "Yes.” "Okay," he nodded slowly. "I can take that rule." "And no talking about it. It's like Fight Club." "No talking...okay," he nodded. "Can I tell Mark?" "No. Sloan has a big mouth." "But he thinks I'm a woman. He'll be proud." "Sloan thinks you're a woman?' "Yeah," Derek sighed. "Since I had Hannah...I haven't been getting a lot of...sex, and in his mind that makes me a woman." "Fine," Meredith sighed. "You can tell him. But he has to keep quiet. Really, really quiet." "Thank you," Derek grinned. "Besides that...I'm good with quiet." "And...no talking," Meredith bit her lip. "It's just sex. I'm not your girlfriend. I'm...I'm your intern who you happen to be having lots of sex with." "No talking about us? Between us?" "Yes." "Okay..." he said slowly. "But...if something comes up, an actual issue, we talk about it. And if you need to talk about anything...you can." "Okay," she nodded. "And um...if you...I mean, you're allowed...other people." "What? No. I'm not sleeping with other people," Derek shook his head quickly. "Do you...do you want to sleep with other people?" "No," she shook her head. "No. Definitely...I just...if you want to. You can." "Fine. I don't want to." "Oh. Okay." "I don't sleep with random women." "I was a random woman," she frowned. "Well, I was your intern. But also kind of a random woman...intern." "There's nothing random about you." "You need to get that checked out." "What checked out?" "The cheesiness." "You like the cheesiness." "Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "So no other people. Unless you meet other people. If you meet other people and you like other people then...I get it." "No other people." "At all?" "At all." "Okay," she shrugged slightly, smiling. "Is that it for rules?" "For now." "You and your adding rules," Derek laughed. "It's entirely your fault," she giggled. "How is it entirely my fault?" "Because you do things and after you do them they have to become a rule so you don't do them again." "I'm creative," he grinned. "Or annoying." "I'm going with creative." "You do that." "Come here," he smiled. "What?" she grinned, walking towards him. "I'm pretty sure we should shake on this...or kiss." "Kissing is good," she giggled as he took her face in his hands and kissed her hard. "Hmm..." he murmured as he pulled away. "I like this deal." "Me too," she murmured, running her hands over his chest. "Want to get naked again?" he asked, winking at her. "Do we have time?" she asked, already slipping his scrub top over his chest. "We can make time," he shrugged, grabbing at her shirt. "Sleeping with my boss is the best idea ever," she laughed as their lips met again. "It definitely was," he groaned against her lips. But theres something 'bout you i can't keep away just cant keep away we know we'll crash down but i don't want it any other way Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy things like this would happen. Because people talking to Meredith like this...it would be good, really good. But this doesn't happen as we don't own the show. Sadly. Crap. Crap. She was late, beyond late, so late. Late and with sex hair, really, really obvious sex hair because apparently when Derek was on the surgery high and completely horny, he grabbed at her hair more. Or something. But yes, so late. So late and with sex hair and she couldn't get her skirt to sit right because her hands were still shaking. She wasn't sure how, but they were. That had been a bad idea. She had been running late already and then Derek had looked at her with that gleam in his eye, the gleam that told her to run in the opposite direction if she wanted to be anywhere on time but she was yet to discover exactly how to run from that gleam. It made her just want to do dirty things to him. Which she had. In the scrub room. Which made it dirtier. They could have gotten caught. Someone could have walked in but he had somehow managed to do it without either of them actually getting undressed. He had backed her against the wall and kissed her and suddenly he was in her and it had been fast. Well, not fast, fast. But fast. And then she had realized what time it was and had wanted to kill him. He had just laughed at her. Ass. And now she was late and Susan was going to kill her. Actually she was late and it was entirely obvious why she was late. She was pretty sure her lips were still swollen and not all the lipstick in the world was helping that. Not to mention she was still shaking, which she might be able to pass off as a surgery high. That could work. And the hair could be...no, it was definitely sex hair. And walking was difficult. Why the hell was walking still difficult? It was the shaking, the shaking threw off her balance and she was wearing heels. Why the hell was she even wearing heels? And why the hell had Derek gotten that look in his eyes when he had walked out with her. He had to go to Thanksgiving at his mom's. Where his daughter was. But he still had that damn look in his eyes. He was not getting sex tomorrow. That was it, that was all there was to it. The man wasn't going to get sex tomorrow and maybe not the next day either. He couldn't just keep jumping her. It had been a week and she was pretty sure that now that they had managed a scrub room there was no where else left in the hospital to have sex. This was insane. She was happy he was happy with the sex only thing. And she was happy with it too. But hell, they had even managed to have sex on the roof of the hospital. He was completely...he was a pervert. That was it. He liked sex, no he loved sex, and this was just...it was amazing but bad. Because now she was late and she was shaking and she couldn't actually walk straight. "You're late," Lexie's voice interrupted her thoughts as she made her way up the driveway, to see Lexie standing in the doorway. "Yeah, I'm...shit," Meredith said as she tripped over her heels. Stupid heels. "Surgery. Big important emergency surgery and I...sorry." "Are you okay?" Lexie frowned. "Yep," Meredith nodded as she tried to straighten her skirt with her shaking hands. "Great. Really great. Surgery high. Big surgery...high. And it was...amazing." "What was the surgery?" Lexie asked, letting her into the house. "Clot evacuation," Meredith said after a second. That had been the surgery, right? Yes. It made sense. Clot evacuation. That had to be it. "Oh," Lexie nodded. "Mer, you're shaking." "Yeah," Meredith nodded, running her fingers through her hair, which was what he did. So she had to stop. And making her look even...bigger was probably not a good idea. "Surgery high. It happens. You know...surgeries...adrenaline...coming...coming down. From the surgery high." "From a clot evacuation?" "Yeah." That had been the surgery, right? There had been a clot...the guy was having seizures, Derek had given her that look from behind the funny looking glasses that he somehow managed to make look good and...clot evacuation. "I'm always like this after surgery. It's the adrenaline. I'm just coming...I mean, coming down." "You shake like this after every surgery?" Lexie asked. "Um...yes." "What about the sex hair?" "What?" "I've seen your hair right after you take a scurb cap off...it's not like that. That is sex hair." "I used Izzie's shampoo...I think...body or something," Meredith stammered. Lame. Lame excuse. Derek would laugh his ass off. She was going to kill him. Fuck him one more time and then kill him. "If Izzie has a body shampoo that works that well I need the name," Lexie smirked. "I wouldn't mind having sex hair." "I'll um...ask her." "Are you sure it wasn't a neurosurgeon?" "What?" Meredith gasped. "No. Definitely not. Not sleeping with neurosurgeons in scrub rooms. Why would I sleep with neurosurgeons in scrub rooms? Or roofs or tunnels or...god I have to shut up." "Scrub rooms? Roofs? Tunnels?" "Fight club." "Figh...Mom, Mer and I are going for a walk, we'll be back before supper!" Lexie suddenly yelled. "What...no...why?" Meredith stammered as Lexie pulled her out of the house. "I'm joining fight club," Lexie shrugged. "You can't. You definitely can't join Fight Club. It's not joinable." "Actually it is, I just have to beat you up or something and you have to let me in." "This is not that kind of Fight Club, Lex," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And I could so take you." "Mer...why are you having sex all over the hospital with one of the top neurosurgeons in the country?" "I didn't say that." "Yeah, you did." "Crap," Meredith groaned. "Well, fine. He gets to tell Sloan. I get a person to tell." "Tell what?" "Derek and I...we're...having sex all over the hospital." "I knew it," Lexie grinned. "So you're together?" "No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "We are not together." "What?" "We're not together." "I heard that," Lexie sighed. "But...you're having sex all over the hospital. What are you if you're not together?" "We're...having sex all over the hospital," Meredith shrugged. "But...I'm confused," Lexie frowned. "It's not confusing," Meredith shook her head. "It's...we're not together. We have sex. And he goes home and I go home and then do it all over again the next day." "But I thought he didn't do sex only...because of his daughter." "Yeah..." Meredith sighed. "Apparently he's...I don't know. He's taking whatever he can get." "Oh...that's kind of sweet," Lexie sighed. "It really isn't. I...I hate that he's doing this." "Why?" "Because he...he's acting like it's not a big deal, but it is. He wants more and I can't give him more and he deserves more." "Why can't you give him more? You obviously care about him." "Which is exactly why I can't give him more." "Because you care about him?" "And Hannah. Mostly Hannah." "You can't get involved with him because you care about him and Hannah?" "Yes." "You do realize that makes no sense, right?" "It makes complete sense," Meredith groaned. "If I fuck it up, I don't only hurt him. I hurt Hannah. And I'm not doing that." "Why do you think you'd fuck it up?" "Oh, come on, Lexie. I'm the poster child for being crap at relationships." "You've never even had a relationship." "Exactly." "But that doesn't mean you can't make it work. Derek obviously really wants to be with you if he's willing to settle for this." "I know," Meredith sighed. "And I have no idea why. I can't...I don't do relationships. And I'm not taking chances and hurting Hannah." "But what if you didn't hurt Hannah?" "I would." "How could you possibly know that?" "Because I'm me, Lex." "And you're a bad horrible person?" "I have no idea how to do the relationship thing. It's not like I had the world's healthiest role models. And I'm...dark and twisty or whatever." "You're not as dark and twisty as you want to think you are." "Lexie, I don't do relationships. I can't do relationships. And I'm not going to try for the first time when there's a five year old whose mom left her." "Have you talked to him about this?" "He knows." "And what did he have to say?" "He understands. He gets it." "That's good, Mer. It's good he gets it." "Yeah, it is," Meredith sighed. "I just...he thinks it's going to change or something." "And it's not?" "I don't think so." "But you like him." "Yeah." "Excuse me while I'm a little lost here." "It doesn't matter," Meredith sighed. "The sex thing works for me. It totally works and he's...he's amazing." "But don't you think you deserve more than some quick rounds in the hospital?" "I'm good with this. Sex works. Casual sex works." "What about a year from now?" "If he still wants it..." "You're willing to sleep casually with him forever?" "I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "He's basically amazing and...I don't do the relationship thing. So it's not going to happen." "Why not even give it a try?" Lexie asked. "Because I'm not going to hurt a five year old in the process," Meredith sighed. "I'm not...it sucks when you get used to people when you're five and suddenly they're gone. That sucks. I'm not going to do it." "Oh...Mer..." Lexie whispered. "What?" "Just...you can't let what Dad did mess up the rest of your life." "This is not a Thatcher Grey thing." "Of course not." "It's not, Lexie. Thatcher left me. Whatever. I'm not letting it dictate my life." "Yes you are," Lexie sighed. "At least partially. And you're mom. You have to let go of all that and give Derek a chance." "You don't get it, Lexie," Meredith sighed. "I know what it's like. I'm not hurting Hannah just to give Derek a chance. And relationships...it doesn't matter." "Relationships work sometimes." "Not in my world they don't." "Meredith...this isn't fair to anyone." "It's less fair if I fuck it up." "And you might not." "I'm not taking the chance, Lexie. I'm not. I won't be...she's five. She deserves better than that. And so does he." "What do you deserve?" "What?" "What do you deserve? You keep talking about Derek and Hannah...what about you?" "I'm good with this." "You think all you deserve is a quick fuck in an on call room?" "It's many quick fucks." "And that's all you want out of life?" "I want to be a doctor. And...I don't know. I'm not looking...there's no such thing as the happily ever after part." "You really think that?" "Yes." "That's heartbreaking." "Seriously?" Meredith turned to her. "That's exactly what he said." "Well it is," Lexie shrugged. "You're both stupid cheesy." "Because we want you to be happy?" "I'm happy." "You could be happier." "And you think fucking up a relationship with Derek is going to make me happier?" "No, I think making a relationship with Derek work is going to make you happier." "Lexie, it really doesn't matter. I'm good with the sex thing. I'm great with the sex thing. Orgasms. Orgasms make me happy." "You're not really happy." "Now you're telling me if I'm happy or not?" "Mer...I'm just...you're my sister, I love you...I want the best for you." "I get that. But...I know what's good for me. And sex...orgasms...I'm good. I'm fine." "You're not fine." "Lexie..." "I just think Derek would be good for you. I've never seen you like this over a guy." "Okay a, I'm not like anything over Derek and b, it's not like you've been around forever. It's only been a year." "I know...but really...is this all you really want?" "This is all I can do." "Oh Mer," Lexie sighed, throwing an arm around her. "We're hugging." "We're hugging," Lexie nodded. "I'm fine, Lexie.' "Sure you are," Lexie sighed. "I hate what Dad did to you." "Yeah, well, lucky you, you got the good side of him." "I know," Lexie nodded, squeezing her a little tighter. "And you know, life was much easier when I was an only child. No offense or anything." "Yeah, I know," Lexie laughed. "You love me." "Sadly." "You'll see how you feel about that after you eat supper," Lexie smiled. "It better be amazing," Meredith giggled. "It definitely is," Lexie nodded. "Good," Meredith sighed. "And do you think...I mean...your mom won't know why I'm late right?" "She'll have no idea...we'll go with the surgery excuse." "Good. How bad is my hair?" "Not too bad," Lexie nodded. "He likes my hair," Meredith rolled her eyes. "That's cute, Mer," Lexie grinned. "No, it's not cute. It's not cute when I have sex hair all the freakin' time." "How much sex do you actually have?" "Um...a lot." "A lot?" "A few times a day." "Seriously?" "Seriously." "That's just...wow." "I know," Meredith sighed. "He's...and I'm...yeah." "I'm not about to tell you stop, Mer," Lexie sighed. "Just...don't be afraid to fall for him." "Yeah," Meredith murmured. "He might just be worth it." "Cheesy, Lexie." "Yeah yeah." "So you're done joining fight club? We can go eat now?" "We can go eat," Lexie nodded. "Good, I'm starving," Meredith giggled as they turned back towards the house. "So am I," Lexie smiled. "Think about what I said, Mer." "I will," Meredith nodded, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. She got what Lexie was saying, she really did. But Lexie was like Derek. Lexie believed in things, she wanted things. Just like Derek. And she understood why Lexie had said them, she got it. But this was easier. The sex thing was much easier. And much nicer. There was no way she could fuck up sex. They were enjoying this. Sometime Derek would look at her, usually after the sex when they were getting back into their clothes, in a way that made her heart ache. Not because she wanted more, she couldn't have more but because Derek wanted more. But really, he was okay. He smiled and laughed a lot. He didn't seem to mind so much that it was sex only. He seemed okay with this. And as long as he was okay, she was okay. Because she didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want this to turn into something that made him miserable. He didn't deserve to be miserable. He deserved to be happy and get whatever he wanted. So until he was miserable, until he wasn't okay with this anymore, this worked. They would be fine. This would be fine. She just hoped he was really okay. There's never gonna be a moment of truth for you while the world is watching Disclaimer: Grey's was awesome last night. Entirely perfectly awesome. We both loved it. It was like Season 1 Grey's...but with Markie which is so much better. Of course we can't clairm credit for that brilliance. Just saying...it was brilliant. He didn't want to wake up. He had hit the button on the alarm minutes before and he knew he should probably be getting up. But he didn't want to. He needed ten more minutes, just ten more minutes before getting up and getting on with the day. He was exhausted and he didn't want to move. Of course if he didn't his daughter would climb in and wake him up anyway. It was days like these when he wondered why he had ever thought becoming a surgeon would be a good idea. Saturday mornings when Hannah liked to crawl into bed with him, laughing and giggling as she begged for pancakes and Saturday morning cartoons. He couldn't remember the last time he had had a Saturday off. And now he just wanted to sleep. Maybe Hannah would sleep in. Okay, that was definitely hopeful thinking but eventually she had to hit the stage where she realized sleeping past seven oclock in the morning wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Actually it was an amazing thing. Or it was from what he could remember. There wasn't actually any sleeping in in recent memory but eventually he'd get a break. He heard the door gently open, apparently today was not that day. He closed his eyes tighter, hoping she'd be at least remotely quiet, at least giggle quietly. Usually she was running to the bed, jumping and laughing and bouncing while she yelled at the top of her lungs. Five year olds were insane. Completely insane. Except now his usually five year old daughter was walking very quietly towards his bed, barely making a noise as she crawled under the covers. She always jumped into his bed, yelling at the top of her lungs for him to take up and make her pancakes or waffles or french toast and sometimes all three. And always loudly. He had never actually figured out how Hannah managed to be louder at night than any other time during the day. But today she was quieter than she ever was, as she curled up into his chest, her tiny fingers fisting his tshirt. He wrapped his arms around her, immediately worried as her curls tickled his chin, the smell of Johnson's Baby Shampoo wafting into his nostrils as she nuzzled him, still not saying a word. For a moment, worry shot through him. The last time she had been this quiet she had had a bad case of the flu, and she had spent all day whimpering in the bathroom as he brought her temp down, fighting the urge to rush her to the hospital. She didn't feel warm and she wasn't shivering like she was cold. There was no sweaty claminess or anything like that. She felt fine actually. Except for the world's bounciest most cheerful little girl was entirely too quiet as she curled closer to his chest. Entirely too quiet. Something had to be wrong. This little girl was not his daughter. "Hannah?" he whispered, running his hand through her curls. "Daddy," she murmured, cuddling closer to him. "Are you feeling okay, Banana?" he asked. "Daddy," she sighed, her fingers tightening on his shirt. "What's wrong, Hannah?" "Not sick," she whispered. "Good, that's good," he nodded, relief washing over him briefly. "So...what's bothering you?" She was quiet for a second and he felt her shoulders shake slightly before she moved to look at him, tears in her eyes. "How come I don't got a mommy?" "Oh Hannah," he breathed, shifting to wipe a tear off her cheek. "You...you've never asked before." "Katelyn's got a mommy and Michael's got a mommy and Jenny's got two mommys. I don't got a mommy." "I know," Derek sighed, pulling her tighter into his arms. "I was going to wait till you were older to talk to you about this, but we can talk now." "Did she go to heaven like Sam's mommy?" "No, honey," Derek shook his head. "She's alive." "Then I do got a mommy." "You do," Derek nodded. "She's just...not a part of our lives." "Jenny's mommy and daddy got a divorce and her daddy brought her a new mommy." "Mommy and I didn't get divorced, we weren't married. We were just...friends." "And you're not friends no more?" "We're not friends anymore," Derek nodded. "We were...friends for a few months and then she got pregnant with you." "What's pregnant?" "It means she was going to have a baby. She was going to have you." "And she was real 'cited right? You and Mommy were real 'cited to have me." "I was more excited than I've ever been for anything ever," Derek grinned. "But your mommy was....she wasn't as excited." "Why not?" Hannah frowned, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Didn't she like me?" "She did," Derek whispered, wiping a tear off her cheek. "Just...you know how you really want to be a ballerina but your cousin Haley really wants to be a teacher?" "Yeah." "Your mommy didn't really want to be a mommy," Derek sighed. "She was...she wanted to be a doctor really badly. It was her biggest dream and she wasn't...she didn't want to be a mommy. Not because she didn't like you though." "But she went away. Was I real bad?" "Of course not, Hannah. Your mommy went away right after you were born, she never knew you." "Why didn't she stay?" "She just...she didn't want to be a mommy. She loved you very much but she...she didn't want the whole mommy thing. And she knew I wanted to be a daddy more than anything." "More than being a doctor?" "Definitely more than being a doctor," Derek grinned. "I wanted to be your daddy so badly." "Cause I was the bestest?" "Cause you were the bestest. And I love you so much that I love you as much as a Mommy and a Daddy can combined." "Didn't Mommy know I was the bestest?" "She did know you were the bestest," Derek nodded. "Then how come she didn't stay, Daddy? I'm the bestest." "I know you are," Derek sighed. "And she didn't stay because...she thought it might be better for you if I raised you." "Why? Was she a real bad mommy?" "No," Derek shook his head. "She just didn't know how to be a mommy." "But she's a mommy. Mommys are mommys." "I know that. Just...she didn't want to be a mommy, Hannah." "I don't like Mommy." "You don't have to," Derek shook his head. "But she did love you a lot." "Mommys don't leave." "I know that," Derek nodded. "But you're good with just me, right?" "I don't know, Daddy," Hannah whispered after a second. "Teacher asked everyone what we did with Mommy and Daddy for Christmas and everyone bakes cookies with their mommys and their mommys go shopping for them and buy presents for their daddies. But my mommy didn't want me no more." "Oh honey," Derek breathed, squeezing her tightly. "But I want you. I want you so much. And so does Uncle Monkey and Grandma and your aunts and uncles and everyone at the hospital. That is so much better than a mommy." "Really?" "Really," Derek nodded firmly. "You're not only the bestest but you're the most wanted little girl ever." "Oh," she smiled slightly, curling her fingers tightly around his shirt. "I want you so much, Hannah Banana. I couldn't imagine my life without you." "I know, Daddy," she whispered. "I'm sorry you don't have a mommy," Derek murmured. "Was she pwetty, Daddy?" "She was pretty," Derek nodded. "Not as pretty as you though." "I'm the pwettiest." "You are the prettiest." "So Mommy's a doctor like you?" "She is," Derek nodded. "I don't know where though." "Does she do hemistomies?" "Nope," Derek shook his head. "She works with hearts." "Does she wanna see me?" "I don't know, Han," Derek sighed. "She might but I don't know." "Didja tell her I'm the pwettiest and the bestest balleina ever?" "I haven't talked to her since she had you." "How come?" "Because we decided to just...go our seperate ways. Me with you and Mommy on her own." "And she's not coming back ever?" "She's not coming back," Derek shook his head. "But when you're a little older I'll help you find her if you want." "I don't wanna find her," Hannah shook her head, her curls tickling his chin. "Okay," Derek nodded. "That's okay." "Okay," Hannah sighed, nuzzling into his chest. "Are you okay, Han?" he asked quietly. "Yeah," she said just as quietly. "Are you sure?" he whispered. "It's okay if you're not." "I don't know. Everyone gots a mommy and everyone else's mommy wants 'em." "I know," Derek nodded. "But everyone has different kind of families. Some people don't have mommies, some don't have daddies...some kids don't have either." "Cause their mommies and daddies didn't want 'em?" "Not always...sometimes because they just don't know how to be parents." "But my mommy didn't want me. If I was even bester than the bestest, would she come back, Daddy?" "No she wouldn't, hun," Derek murmured. "Oh.” "I grew up without a daddy," Derek pointed out. "He went to heaven....but still...I didn't have a dad." "Did it make you real sad?" "A little," Derek nodded. "But Grandma was a really good mommy." "And you're a real good daddy," Hannah grinned widely. "Thank you," Derek smiled. "The bestest daddy ever." "You're the bestest daughter ever," Derek grinned. "I guess." "You are," Derek nodded. "You know...Meredith grew up without a daddy." "Really? Did her daddy go to heaven?" "Nope," Derek shook his head. "Her daddy left when she was really little." "Cause he didn't want her?" "Yeah," Derek nodded, frowning slightly. "Like my mommy." "Just like your mommy," Derek nodded. "Stupid mommies and daddies." "Very stupid. Meredith's daddy missed ever knowing Meredith and now your Mommy is missing out on you. They're the ones that lost." "Did Mereith's daddy come back?" "Nope," Derek shook his head. "Meredith went to find him but he was in heaven." "Oh." "But she never knew him." "Just like me," Hannah sighed. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "What do I tell teacher when I go to school? She's gonna wanna know bout my mommy." "You can tell her you don't have one," Derek nodded. "Lots of kids don't. And when you make something for a mommy you can just make it for grandma or one of your aunts." "Okay," Hannah nodded. "Who's gonna take me to get your Christmas present, Daddy?" "Uncle Monkey can, or anyone you want." "Okay," she sighed, kissing his cheek. "Love you, Daddy." "I love you too," he grinned. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "Can we have pancakes and waffles?" "Of course we can," Derek smiled. "And watch Scooby?" "We can do that." "Do you gotta be a doctor, Daddy?" "Nope, I have today off," he lied easily. He didn't, he was supposed to be in in a few hours. But he would call Webber and explain the situation. Hannah obviously needed him home today. "Good," she grinned. "Scooby time." "Scooby time," Derek nodded. "While I make us breakfast." "Pancakes and waffles and chocolate milk." "Sounds yummy," Derek smiled. "I love you, Han." "Love you too, Daddy," she mirrored his smile, throwing her arms around his neck and squeezing tightly. "If you want to talk anymore I'm here," he mumured, squeezing her back tightly. "Okay," she nodded, her arms staying looped around his neck. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "You're always gonna want me, right?" "Always always always." "I'll always want you too, Daddy." "Good," Derek whispered, kissing her cheek. "Even when you're real scratchy," she giggled, her arms tightening around his neck even more as she nuzzled his neck. "Well that's good," he laughed. "Yep," she nodded. "Come on, let's go get breakfast," he smiled. "Pancakes and waffles, Daddy," she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder as he held her close. "Pancakes and waffles," Derek nodded. "Yep, and Scooby," she smiled as he stood up, shifting her to his hip as she clutched him tightly. "And Scooby," Derek grinned.



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:41 PM Post #10
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: Katie is tired from no sleep and lots of work. If we owned the show, she'd be tired from lack of sleep and lots of sex. With Paddy. "Wow," Meredith breathed as she fell back, trying to catch her breath as Derek collapsed on top of her. "Holy...wow." "Wow...yeah....wow," Derek panted, burying his face in the pillow beside her head, trying to breathe again. "Just...god," she panted, nodding. "We...you...definitely take days off. All the time." "Miss me yesterday?" he laughed breathlessly. "Didn't think so until...yeah...wow." "Definitely missed me," he sighed, rolling off of her to rest on her side. "That was...you are..." she shook her head, giggling slightly. "You too," he laughed softly, running his hand along her stomach. "Hmmm," she giggled slightly, turning to kiss him. "Hmmm..." he breathed, against her lips. "I missed this yesterday...which probably makes me a horrible father." "Why?" she asked, tangling her legs with his. "Hannah had a bad day," Derek frowned. "Sick?" Meredith murmured, trailing slight kisses down his chest. "That would have been easier," he murmured, running his fingers through her hair. "Bailey said she was sick," she frowned. "That was my reason...figured it was the easiest," he sighed. "She crawled into bed with me in the morning and asked why she didn't have a mommy." "Oh," Meredith breathed, rolling away from him slightly. "I couldn't leave her after that talk. I told her the truth. That was right...right?" "Oh, um...I...I guess. I don't...I don't know." "I uhh....told her about your dad." "What?" she frowned, pulling away from him completely. "You did...what? Why?" "I know I shouldn't have. I just...I didn't know what else to say." "Derek...what...why? You...why would do that?" "She was entirely concerned that she was some wierd kid and I just...I needed to show her she isn't." "So you told her my dad left," she frowned. "Seriously? Seriously." "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have. I just...I'm sorry." "Why would you...I can't...Derek, no. You can't just...no." "What was I supposed to say to her?" "I...I don't know. But that doesn't mean...you don't bring in your fuck buddy's past." "I brought in her friend's past, Mer." "I don't remember...why? Why would you do that?" "I had to do something. The second I said it I regretted it but I needed to do something. She was so...devastated." "And pointing out that my dad was an ass and left made her happier?" "It made her feel like maybe she wasn't alone." "I just can't believe you even...do you...I can't believe this," she groaned, rolling off the bed and grabbing her scrub pants. "Meredith...I know, I shouldn't have...I'm sorry." "You used me as an example for your daughter. The most...I'm a...I can't believe you." "I know," he nodded. "It was a mistake. But I needed to do something." "And that was all you could think of?" "Yeah," he shrugged. "You don't get to use me as an example, Derek," she hissed, pulling her t-shirt on. "I'm not...I'm a mess. You can't use my life as an example." "But...she needed something, Mer. She was...her teacher keeps talking about two parents and she felt like she was some kind of freak or something. I needed to say something. And I'm sorry it had to be you, I'm sorry I told her and used you as an example. But it helped." "It helped? Now she's going to come to me and all I'll be able to say is, oh yeah, having one parent is great. I'm great. I'm a complete mess and I sleep around and I drink tequila and emotionally I'm...but no, it's great." "You don't actually sleep around anymore," Derek pointed out. "And just...talk to her." "Oh I don't sleep around? You mean, fucking my boss in an on call room isn't sleeping around?" "Meredith...don't do that," Derek sighed. "Not after the day I had yesterday. Just...talk to her?" "No," she shook her head. "No, I'm not talking to your daughter. Because she doesn't need to be...I'm a mess, Derek. Do you want her to end up like me? Completely unable to commit and getting quickies from her boss in an on call room?" "Mer...I wouldn't actually mind if she ended up like you. Maybe not the quickie thing...but you...I'd be good with her being just like you," he sighed. "And she won't. You two...you're not the same. She has me." "Yeah, she has you. I didn't...I'm nothing like her. You keep telling me she doesn't need a mom and this...this is mom territory. This is...I'm not doing this. I'm not getting involved like this. We said we weren't getting involved like this." "We're not," he shook his head. "When I said it...it's not about us, Mer. She likes you. A lot. I just needed her to know that people she likes a lot grew up the same way she did, that not everyone has a perfect family." "Fine. Not everyone has the perfect family. Don't bring me into it." "I'm sorry I did, Mer," he said quietly. "What the hell do you even want me to say to her?" "I don't know," he shrugged. "Just...what do you wish someone had said to you?" "I don't...no one said anything to me," Meredith shook her head. "And I'm...I didn't need anyone to say anything to me. I didn't need that because it happened and that's...I don't need anyone to say anything." "Okay..." he sighed. "You don't have to say anything...just let her talk and answer questions or something." "You realize that it's awkward with her period?" Meredith paced the small room. "She's...and I’m...and now she's going to ask questions about my dad who got a whole new family and it was weird and strange and it turned me into a complete...it didn't turn me into anything. Because I'm...I'm over it. He's my ex-father. Was my ex father. He left and it's...awkward, Derek. Awkward." "I know, Mer," he sighed. "I didn't really think...I just...I wanted my daughter to be happy again." "There are probably other ways to do that." "Maybe but I didn't think of them. I really am sorry." "I'm not...I can't...you said you weren't looking for a mom for her. Moms do this. Moms talk and comfort and...I don't do that." "No, I don't need you to do that," Derek shook his head. "Just...you have something in common. You're the only person I know that has a situation anything like hers. I just need her to have a friend who can help her out about this." "I can't help her, Derek. I have no idea how to help her." "Can you try?" he asked quietly. "Please." "And say what, Derek? I don't...is she...is she still upset?" "No," Derek shook his head. "I think having me for an entire day distracted her a bit." "Then maybe she doesn't need to talk." "She might not," Derek nodded. "She seemed okay with how much I want her. Just if she does...don't turn her away. Please?" "I'm not going to tell her to go away," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I know that," Derek sighed. "I didn't mean it that way. I'm just...I'm probably handling this all wrong. I'm feeling entirely overwhelmed." "Der..." she sighed, falling back onto the bed next to him. "I didn't know what to do. I just...she never said anything, she never seemed sad or...she's not missing anything. I was hoping she'd never ask. Which was...ridiculous." "Why did she even ask?" "Christmas coming up. The teacher is talking about gifts and cookies and moms." "Oh." "Yeah...so she got to wondering and now...my life is a mess." "Your life is not a mess." "It feels like it." "Derek, she's fine. She has you and that's...that's big. And huge and...that's good." "I know it is," Derek nodded. "I try my best." "Which is...it's better than a lot of...it's good," she nodded quickly. "Better than a lot of nannies?" he asked gently. "Yeah," she shrugged. "Yeah," he nodded, reaching for her hand to squeeze it tightly. "I'm trying. Yesterday was the first time I've felt like maybe it wasn't enough." "Der...Hannah's...she's happy. And this...it doesn't, she's happy." "I know she is," Derek nodded. "So that's...that's good. And you're...you're her dad and you're here and that's good." "I know it is," he nodded. "So your life is definitely not a mess." "Then why does it feel like one?" "I don't know." "I shouldn't have used you as an example without asking...sorry." "It's...it's not fine. It's not the same, Derek." "I know it's not," Derek nodded. "She has me, you had no one." "Yeah," Meredith sighed. "Just...tell her that. If she asks...just remind her she has me." "I will." "Thanks," he nodded. "That...hopefully that's enough." "I'm sure it is, Derek." "Thanks," he sighed, squeezing her hand. "You're welcome," she sighed, staring down at their hands for a second. "And I am sorry. I hate getting you mad at me." "I'm not mad," she shook her head. "Well, I am. I think you're an ass and an idiot but we don't...it's not a fight. We don't fight because people can't fight if they're not...yeah." "I know it's not a fight...but it doesn't mean I like you mad at me. If you're mad at me I won't get sex." "Really? Because we...I mean, sex is actually hot when I'm pissed at you. Or when you have to apologize." "You have a point," he laughed. "Of course I do," she giggled, kissing him. "Hmmm..." he groaned. "Another round before we go save lives?" "Definitely," she breathed, slipping her top off. Disclaimer: We are ever so sorry it took so long for us to update. We hope it was worth the wait. And please just remember...if we owned the show, you'd have to wait a week. And it wouldn't be rated NC-17 like this update is. He was pretty sure she was about to kill him, almost quite certain actually. But he had been standing in line waiting to order his coffee and it had seemed entirely wrong not to grab one for her. It was early and they were both scrubbing in and he knew how she liked her coffee. So not buying her one would have been rude. And he didn't do rude. He did chasing, not that he was allowed but he also didn't do rules. He blamed it on growing up with Mark. Mark had never done rules. Ever. From the second they had met, Mark Sloan did not do rules. And he laughed at people who did. So this was the reason that Derek Shepherd was now walking up to Meredith Grey with a cup of coffee in his hand. Because if he followed rules, Mark would laugh at him. He sounded like Hannah. "Morning, Dr. Grey," he smiled widely, waiting for her to turn around. He assumed he might as well be smiling when she killed him. It just seemed right. "Dr. Shepherd," she smiled as she turned to look at him, and then looking down at the two coffees in his hands. "Long night?" "Not really," he shrugged. "Early morning for both of us." "You...you brought me coffee?" "I bought you coffee," he smiled, pushing it toward her. She looked down at the coffee and then looked widely around the hallway, a frown on her face. "Breaking rules," she hissed. "I told you I don't do rules," he smirked. "You have to do rules. I do rules and I do...you have to do rules." "I don't want to do rules," he sighed. "I want to bring you coffee." "There are rules," she nodded. "Rules we agreed on. Big rules for our...there are rules." "It's a coffee." "And it's against the rules." "Rules are made to be broken." "Rules are...there are rules. Rules for this...whatever." "Yes, there are rules." "And coffee is against the rules." "It shouldn't be." "It is. And if you break the rules then..." "Then what? Are you going to punish me?" "That is...very dirty and..." she sighed as she looked around the hallway again. "Meet me in an on call room in three hours. And don't bring coffee." "You are going to punish me," he whispered, grinning widely. "Maybe," she smirked slightly. "Though...no coffee. It's against the rules, Der...Dr. Shepherd." "Okay," he nodded, pulling the coffee back to him. "Sorry. You don't have to drink this one." "What?" she frowned, grabbing the coffee back and turning. "Three hours," she ordered quietly as she walked away, taking a sip of the coffee. Derek smiled to himself. It had gone much better than he had hoped, considering he was still alive, not bleeding and apparently being punished in a very nice way in three hours. Definitely better than he had pictured it playing out in his head when he had been headed toward her. She wasn't bending quite yet, but she took the coffee. For now that was enough. Not that he actually believed she was capable of turning down coffee. She was an intern, she rarely slept, so coffee was a staple, he remembered that much from his intern days. But she had taken the coffee he had brought her. That would be enough. Somehow, that would be enough. "What the hell was that, Shep?" "What was what?" Derek frowned, turning to look at his best friend. "Grey looking like she was going to kick your ass," Mark shrugged. "Oh," Derek laughed, taking a sip of his own coffee. "I broke the rules." "There are rules to fuck buddies?" "Apparently." "And you broke the rules to fucking in on call rooms?" "I bought her a coffee, entirely against the rules." "You and Grey quite possibly are the most fucked up people in this hospital." "Coming from the man who has slept with how many nurses in the past week?" "That's not fucked up, Shep," Mark laughed. "That's an adventure. Speaking of, you're starting to make me look bad." "I am?" "Yeah," Mark's grin faded into a frown. "Apparently you're getting more sex in on call rooms than I am. I'm starting to look like a prude or something." "Really? I'll have to remember to thank Mer." "For making you the hospital manwhore?" Mark raised an eyebrow. "You've spent how many years bitching and moaning about that kind of shit?" "I'm not a manwhore, I'm only sleeping with her. And...just for making you look bad." "Yeah, yeah, I just have to step up my game," Mark shrugged. "I'm not actually sure it's humanly possible to have more sex than we are." "I'm Mark Sloan, Shep. I can have more sex than you and your intern. I just...was giving you a chance to catch up." "Sure you were," Derek laughed. "Four times yesterday." "Four...I only got in two," Mark frowned. "It appears your title has been taken." "I just have to fix this," Mark shook his head, getting out his pager. "Wonder where OB nurse is." "Have fun trying. Mer and I are meeting in three hours." "I can get in at least four in three hours." "You do realize you have a job, right?" "Hasn't stopped me before." "Yeah, I know," Derek sighed. "So you want to tell me what's really going on between you and Grey?" "We're having a lot of sex," Derek shrugged. "A lot." "And you're bringing her coffee? I did the fuck buddy thing, Shep. Coffee isn't involved." "I don't want her to be just a fuck buddy," Derek sighed. Mark frowned as he looked up at his pager, shaking his head slightly. "You think she's going to want to get together. You think she's going to grow up and get all whole and want a relationship." "Maybe," Derek shrugged. "Maybe?" "Yeah," Derek murmured. "I think I'm in love with her." "What?" Mark put his pager down, staring at Derek. "I think I'm in love with her," Derek repeated. "Well...fuck." "Yeah, I know." "She's your fuck buddy, Shep," Mark sighed. "She doesn't want a relationship." "I know she doesn't...she's just...Meredith." "Yeah, she's Grey. And she looked like she wanted to kick your ass a second ago for bringing her coffee." "I know," Derek groaned. "She's not ready for this, I know that. She's no where close to being ready." "And you're in love with her." "I am." "You're fucked, Shep." "I know," Derek sighed. "But I'm...waiting." "Waiting? And when she's still fucking you in on call rooms in five years what are you going to do?" "I don't know." "She's not going to change, Shep." "You don't know that." "Yeah, I do. She's not going to change. She dumped your ass because of Hannah, you took her back for the sex, and she's good with that. Sounds like a great arrangement to me. I sure as hell wouldn't change it." "You don't actually know that," Derek repeated. "People change, people grow. She can come around." "And if she doesn't?" Mark asked firmly. "That's...I don't know," Derek sighed. "Right now I want to be with her, anyways I can be." "You're going to get tired of it," Mark looked down at his beeping pager, a smirk forming. "You're not cut out for this, Derek." "I'll see what happens. But for now...this is good." "Until you want to tell her you love her," Mark shrugged. "I have to run. OB nurse is free." "Of course," Derek shook his head. "Have to reclaim my title," the plastic surgeon grinned. "Not going to happen," Derek laughed. "You're on, Shep," Mark called over his shoulder as he walked away. He was in love with Meredith. He had been toying with the idea in his head for the last couple of weeks in between jumping her all over the hospital but he hadn't ereally considered it. The idea had just...been there. But the second the words slipped out of her mouth, everything seemed right with saying it. He was in love with Meredith. He wasn't sure what to do with it, but he was. Meredith quickly pulled her hair back, trying to minimize the damage Derek had just done. He really liked hair which led to sex hair which led to her trying to pull it back in a ponytail to make it look less like sex hair. Which probably didn't really work. Stupid Derek. Stupid Derek with his amazing sex and his stupid coffee. He had wanted to talk afterwards, which was...stupid. There was no talking. She couldn't believe he had actually thought to bring her a coffee. They had specifically discussed coffee and agreed it was a no when they made the rules. And he couldn't be all smirky and laughy and pretend there weren't rules. Even if the smirk was really sexy he couldn't do that. Rules weren't meant to be broken, no matter how many time he said they were. Stupid Derek. "Shepherd's an ass," she groaned to Cristina, who was staring at something on the computer. "What did he do now?" Cristina asked. "Coffee," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He brought me coffee. Which was specifically said was against the rules. Oh, and then he wanted to talk. Who wants to talk after...well after what we did?" "You're complaining about a guy that brings you coffee and gives you screaming orgasms?" "Okay, the coffee was nice," Meredith admitted. "It's the...coffee is like dating. And talking...talking is not good. We agreed no talking and we agreed no coffee or dates or anything. Because this...we're not dating. And he's being all Dereky and ass-like. He's a complete ass." "Talking is highly overrated," Cristina nodded. "You should end it." "You're right...I should," Meredith sighed. "I should totally end it. Completely end it because he wants to talk and bring me stupid coffee and this is...it's going to get complicated." "Complicated sucks," Cristina sighed. "Though...can you go from that much sex to none?" "Probably not," Meredith groaned. "He's like...there's a lot of sex, Cristina. A lot of really great sex." "We all know." "What?" Meredith looked up quickly. "Who knows? How?" "Everyone knows," Cristina rolled her eyes. "It's kind of hard to miss you two dissapearing and coming out looking entirely satisfied. He must be good." "Crap," Meredith groaned. "Not that he's crap. He's not, he's...amazing. But crap that people know. Do you think Bailey knows?" "Probably," Cristina shrugged. "Crap. I have to end it. I really have to end it." "Because that's going to happen." "It could. I could. It's just sex." "You've said you have to end it so many times it's ridiculous." "I have not." "You say it at least once a week." "I do..." Meredith paused and then rolled her eyes. "I think he wants more." "More?" Cristina frowned. "Yeah," Meredith nodded. "You know...more. Dating...relationship more. I don't do relationship more." "This time you might want to actually end it then," Cristina nodded. "Yeah, I know," Meredith sighed. "I probably should." "But do you want to?" "I don't know. He's...he's him. Last time I ended up I slept with him in an on call room." "You like him." "Well yeah. He's great in bed or against walls or whatever." "But do you like him like him?" "I...I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "He's...him. But no...I don't...I'm not...no." "That was clear." "No, I don't like him like him," Meredith groaned, looking down at her hands. "And who says that anyway? What are we, twelve?" "Excellent point. Just keep screwing him or whatever." "Definitely," Meredith nodded firmly. "It's just that...he's him. He's Derek and he's...amazing and Dereky. And he has a cute daughter and...I should end it, Cristina. He wants more. And I...he's a great guy. He deserves more." "Has he asked for more?" "Well...no. He actually seems pretty okay with sex." "Than keep on the sex. Take is where you can get it." "Even if he wants more?" "If he isn't saying anything you have no idea what he wants." "Good point," Meredith nodded firmly. "He likes sex. He loves the sex. The coffee was just...well it was against the rules. But I'm good with sex. And he's good with sex. So sex is good." "Leave it at that. And if he tries to talk again...just threaten to cut it off or something." "Yeah," Meredith sighed. "I'll threaten to cut it off or...something. Good idea." "I kow." "So that's it," Meredith sighed and then groaned as her pager went off. "Seriously?" "McDreamy?" Cristina smirked. "Yes," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We just finished. I think something's up with him and Sloan. Sloan offered me a hundred bucks not to sleep with Derek today." "Those two are idiots." "Complete idiots." "Go. Have hot sex with the hot neurosurgeon. You know you want to." "Yeah, I do," Meredith giggled. "See you later, Cristina." "See you," Cristina nodded. Meredith sighed as she ran off towards Derek's office, where he apparently was now, waiting for sex. More sex. Not that she was complaining, the sex was great. Completely great. But they had just finished and they did have jobs to do. And she'd rather avoid another awkward moment after sex when he tried to talk and she jumped up to put her clothes on. It made this feel...dirty. She needed to end this. It wasn't fair to him and it wasn't fair to her and it definitely wasn't fair to Hannah. She juts had to end it and she'd miss the sex. She would definitely miss the sex. But she'd get past that, it was just sex anyway. She'd end it and life would return to the easiness it had once been instead of this complicated mess that it had somehow begun. She just didn't want to end it. Or she did. She didn't want to end it but she couldn't because anytime she got even close, her chest tightened and she felt like crap about it. It wasn't that she liked him liked him, it was just...he was him. He was Derek and she was Meredith and they were them and the sex thing worked. It completely worked. It just wasn't fair. "About time you got here," Derek's laughing voice greeted her the second she entered the on call room she had just left. "Some of us have jobs you know," she rolled her eyes as she locked the door quickly behind her. "And yet you'er here. Were you doing your job?" "Okay, if we're having sex, talking has to stop, I'm supposed to be in the pit," she said, yanking her shirt off. "Okay, can do," Derek nodded, pulling his own shirt over his head. "Good," she breathed, slipping off her tennis shoes and then her scrub pants before reaching forward to help him untie his own pants, pushing them over his hips as he kissed her hungrily, his hands roaming over her body, massaging her breasts as she moaned loudly. "Oh Mer..." he groaned, slipping his tongue into her mouth as he rolled her over, pressing his body in between her legs. "God," she breathed, her hips already rubbing against him, the friction causing them both to gasp with pleasure, his hands moving from her breasts to her abdomen, trailing down until his fingers tangled in the curls, slightly damp from the wetness waiting for him. "Derek..." "Hmmm...." he murmured, gently running his finger over her folds, smiling against her lips as she moved against him, pressing herself harder into his hand as he kissed her harder. "Don't you...don't you...dare," she gasped as he pushed a finger into her. "Derek!" "Meredith," he murmured, running light kisses and bites along the column of her neck. "Please," she begged, her chest heaving and her hips rising as he pushed his finger deeper into her, adding another as she trembled against him. "Derek..." "Hmmm...I like you like this," he mumured, biting down gently on her collar bone. "That's...we have...oh god..." "Come for me," he ordered gently. "If you want me...come for me." "I...ass," she breathed, her head moving back as his fingers moved faster into her, rubbing against her clit quickly as her entire body trembled underneath her. "Come," he murmured, moving his head lower to take a nipple into his mouth. "Oh...oh...shit," she gasped, her body trembling widely as she let out the smallest of screams. "Derek!" "There we go," he laughed gently. "You're amazing when you come." "Derek...please," she stammered breathlessly, her hips rubbing against his throbbing erection. "Hmmm..." he groaned, centering himself over her and gently thrusting into her. "Oh...god," she moaned, clenching her muscles for just a second around him before releasing and letting him thrust into her, gently at first, and then slowly gaining momentum as her fingernails dug into his back. "Mer...Mer..." he gasped, rocking into her, his hands travelling arund her back to pull her closer to him, their heaving chests smashing together. She pulled her hands from her back and grabbed his face, kissing him hard as they moved against each other, their moans becoming nothing but unintelligible noises as he pushed harder and faster into her, his eyes darkening to an almost midnight blue before her body spasmed again, and she threw her head back, releasing his lips as her orgasm overcame her. "Oh...god," he groaned, his own orgasm washing over him, as he rocked into her again, grasping onto her hard, both their bodies trembling. "Fuck," she breathed as he collapsed onto her, not moving to slip out of her as he placed desperate kisses on her shaking chests, her lungs begging for air. "That was...." he murmured, letting his head fall onto her chest, his cheek resting against her sweat covered chest. "Yeah," she nodded desperately, still gasping for air. "Yeah.... he breathed. "Yeah." "I...pit and...not...yeah." "Yeah...you have to...yeah," he nodded, rolling off of her. "Can't," she giggled breathlessy. "Moving...not happening." "That might cause a problem," he laughed just as breathlessly. "Maybe," she giggled as she held up her shaking hands. "We can't have amazing mindblowing sex anymore." "What? Why not?" he frowned. "I can't be a surgeon with amazing mindblowing sex," she laughed, kissing his pout quickly before moving to try to stand up. "But I'm incapable of non amazing non mindblowing sex," he laughed, watching as she stumbled slightly. "You really are," she giggled, bracing herself against the wall. "I'm shaking. Completely shaking." "I can see," he smiled. "I'd say I'm sorry but that would be a lie." "Of course it would," she rolled her eyes. "Just a question...is this going to happen again today?" "Do you want it to happen again today?" "Well...yeah." "I'm on paperwork for the rest of the day so page me when you get the chance." "I can do that," she giggled, pulling the rest of her clothes on. "See you later, Derek." "See you, Mer," he smiled. She pulled her hair back into the ponytail before giving him one last smile and then opening the door, sneaking out quickly as she left him laying on the bed, entirely and completely satiated, a grin overtaking his features. I've become a desperate fool And it's all because of you Disclaimer: Alicia still hasn't found a copy of the EW with Paddy on the cover. Alicia so sad. If we owned the show she wouldn't care as much, as who needs pictures when you can just look at the real thing. "I can't believe this," Meredith groaned as she hunched over the cart she was pushing. "Two days off in a row and both days I'm up early and doing things and...why are we even here? I went grocery shopping last week." "Well as glad as I am that you have food, you're not the only person that has to eat," Lexie pointed out. "It's the day after Christmas," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Steal food from your mom. Or go grocery shopping yourself." "Grocery shopping by myself is boring," Lexie groaned. "And I can't steal milk and stuff from Mom. Turkey yes, but that's it." "You're lucky I like you." "Yeah, I know," Lexie grinned. "Besides what else would you be doing today?" "Sleeping." "Overrated." "Getting over the awkward family dinner." "You enjoyed yourself." "It was awkward.' "It wasn't that bad." "Okay, the part where all of you were talking about Thatcher? I get it...really I do. But awkward." "Yeah...sorry about that part," Lexie sighed. "And then there was the part where you accidentally blurted out I was having a dirty, dirty affair with my boss," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's a big secret to keep. I had to blow eventually." "And you wonder why no one ever tells you things." "It's not my fault you're having a dirty affair with your boss." "That doesn't mean you have to tell people." "I said I was sorry." "Doesn't change the weird awkwardness." "I know, I know," Lexie sighed. "I'm pretty sure nothing in the world could have been more weird than the look on your mom's face," Meredith groaned. "Yeah that was...bad," Lexie laughed. "She had no idea what to say." "What do you say to the fact that your weird half or step daughter or whatever is having insanely wild sex in an on call rooms with her boss?" "I didn't actually call it insanely or wild." "Oh," Meredith bit her lip. "Did I?" "You did." "Crap." "Oh you don't mean that," Lexie laughed. "You love your insanely wild sex." "It is really good insanely wild sex." "So you say a lot." "You're just jealous of my insanely wild sex," Meredith giggled as she threw a box of cereal in the cart. "I am," Lexie sighed. "I met a guy at the bar the other night." "Seriously?" Meredith grinned. "Seriously," Lexie nodded. "He's...I don't know." "Did you sleep with him or just..." "I didn't sleep with him. Not all of us are having insanely wild sex." "I know. I really think it's only me. Apparently Sloan and Derek set up some crazy bet about who could have sex the most." "And Derek is winning?" "I don't see how he could be losing." "Lucky lucky girl." "I know," Meredith giggled. "So you and bar guy?" "He has my number and he's supposed to call." "Do you think he will?" "I have no idea," Lexie frowned. "I kind of hope so." "Really?" "Yeah...he seemed, I don't know." "You liked him," Meredith grinned. "I did," Lexie smiled slightly. "He'll call, Lex." "He better," Lexie laughed. "And then you can have insanely wild sex like me," Meredith laughed. "Well, not like me. I don't know if most normal people could take this much sex." "How many times yesterday?" "None," Meredith shrugged. "Day off. But day before...um...five?" "Five times? In one day?" "Yeah." "I didn't even think that was possible." "I didn't either," Meredith sighed. "Especially...I mean, he's not old but he's not...young or whatever. It's great and amazing but...well...it's a lot of sex." "How do you even operate?" Lexie frowned. "And I mean that in both ways." "I have no idea. It's...I don't know." "It's just not fair." "Why?" Meredith giggled. "Because I'd kill to get any sex and you're having it five times a day." Meredith opened her mouth to respond but stopped when she heard a little voice calling her name. "Mereith! Mereith!" "Hannah?" Meredith frowned, whirling around to see Hannah running down the aisle at her. "Hi, Mereith!" Hannah exclaimed, a huge smile on her face, ribbon in her hair. "Hi Hannah," Meredith grinned, crouching down to her height. "You look pretty today." "I know," Hannah grinned. "I gotted a new shirt, see? And a new skirt. Nana got me lots of clothes." "Hannah, I told you not to run away from me," Derek's frustrated voice interrupted. "But, Daddy, I found Mereith!" Hannah grinned. "I know," Derek laughed, glancing at Meredith quickly. "Hey Mer.” "Hey," she nodded, blushing slightly. "Sorry about this...she's been on a constant sugar high since Christmas eve," he sighed. "That's cause I had lots of cookies and candy canes and chocolate and Santa left me loads and loads of candy cause I left loads and loads of cookies. And carrots for the reindeer and I gave Rudolph three carrots cause he needs to eat lots cause it was real cloudy," Hannah said quickly. "That was nice of you," Meredith nodded. "And Santa got me a dollhouse, Mereith!" Hannah exclaimed. "And a new tiara and tutu! But the dollhouse is real pwetty!" "Oh you got your dollhouse, that's great," Meredith grinned. "It's real big and pwetty and real real big," Hannah nodded excitedly. "And it has a family but I made the mommy go 'way and the Daddy's there and there's a real small baby and it's got purple curtains and Uncle Monkey said Santa called him and said he was getting me a dollhouse and Uncle Monkey got me whole bunches of stuff for the family and the pwetty dollhouse." "Wow," Meredith breathed. "Very cool." "Daddy, what else did I get?" Hannah asked, looking up at Derek who was grinning widely. "A whole bunch of stuff, Han," Derek laughed. "Remember the new word you learned...spoiled?" "Uncle Monkey says I'm not 'poiled, I'm loved," Hannah giggled. "And Uncle Monkey is crazy," Derek laughed. "Oh!" Hannah turned back to Meredith. "And I got a big monkey! He's almost bigger than me, Mereith!" "Oh that's very big," Meredith nodded. "Real big," Hannah nodded and then looked around Meredith at Lexie, who was smiling slightly. "Hi! I'm Hannah Rose Shepherd!" "Nice to meet you, Hannah," Lexie grinned. "I'm Lexie." "Hi, Lexie," Hannh smiled. "I'm Mereith's friend. Are you Mereith's friend too?" "Well...yes..." Lexie nodded. "And I'm her sister too." "Big sister or little sister?" "Little sister." "Wow," Hannah nodded slowly. "I don't got no sister." "Not everyone has a sister," Lexie sighed. "But that's okay." "Derek Shepherd," Derek smiled, stepping forward slightly, holding out his hand. "So I figured," Lexie smiled widely. "Lexie Grey. I've heard a lot about you." "He's, um...my boss," Meredith stammered slightly, the pink in her cheeks deepening. "And Lexie is my half-sister, sister thing." "I didn't even know you had a sister," Derek frowned slightly. "I...she's...I have two," Meredith said lamely. "Molly too." "Oh," Derek nodded. "Well it's wonderful to meet you, Lexie." "Good to meet you too," Lexie grinned. "How was your Christmas?" Derek asked both of them. "Oh um...it was...awkward...good," Meredith stammered. "Awkward and good but mostly good and now Lexie's just here getting milk because she clearly can't steal milk from her mom. So we're here...shopping. And you're here shopping. So yeah...good awkward Christmas and...yours?" "It was really good," Derek laughed softly. "Bestest Christmas ever!" Hannah chirped. "That's really good," Lexie grinned. "And now it's gonna be my birthday," Hannah told Lexie seriously. "So I'm gonna get even more pwesents!" "Wow," Lexie smiled. "How many days?" "Um...Daddy, how many days til January twenty-four?" "Twenty nine days, Hannah Banana." "Twenty-nine," Hannah reported to Lexie. "How old are you going to be?" Lexie asked. "Six," Hannah giggled. "That's two hands now. And six real big, lots bigger than five." "It is," Lexie nodded. "Are you going to have a party?" "Yep," Hannah nodded. "A balleina party. I'm the bestest balleina ever, Lexie Mereith's sister." "Meredith did mention something about you being the bestest ballerina," Lexie nodded. "Really?" Hannah smiled at Meredith. "Really," Meredith nodded. "That's cause it's true," Hannah nodded. "The bestest in the whole world. Right, Daddy?" "The very bestest," Derek smiled. "Mereith, didja get lots of pwesents?" Hannah asked, turning to Meredith. "I did," Meredith nodded. "Anything real good?" "I got a pretty necklace." "Really?" "Yep," Meredith nodded. "Lexie's mommy gave it to me." "Lexie's mommy is your mommy, right?" Hannah asked. "Nope," Meredith shook her head. "My daddy married Lexie's mommy after he left." "Oh," Hannah nodded. "So..." Derek sighed. "Spending a day off grocery shopping?" "Yes," Meredith groaned. "Lexie's insane." "Well food is kind of important," Derek laughed softly "Exactly what I told her," Lexie grinned. "Mer's just lazy and stubborn," Derek grinned. "I am not lazy and stubborn," Meredith pouted. "I am busy. Very busy. A surgeon who is very busy and likes to sleep after awkward family dinners and lots of surgeries. So I'm not lazy or stubborn. I want to sleep. Not grocery shop." "Stop rambling," Lexie sighed, looking at Derek. "Do you actually like the rambling?" "I love the rambling," Derek smiled at Meredith, his eyes softening. "Breaking the rules," Meredith hissed, rolling her eyes. "What?" Derek smirked. "Your sister asked me question." "And you looked at me like...that." "Did I?" "Oh don't pretend to be all innocent," Meredith groaned. "How would you rather I looked at you?" he asked, moving forward slightly. "Not like that," she frowned. "Not all dreamy and...stuff." "Daddy, Mereith's not very happy with you," Hannah giggled slightly, sneaking in a box of chocolate chip cookies into the cart. "She is, she's just pretending," Derek laughed, still looking at Meredith. "Stop it," she rolled her eyes. "Rules." "It's Christmas...or was Christmas...we could throw the rules out for the occasion," he countered. "Okay, you already tried that on Christmas Eve," she groaned. "Doesn't hurt to try again." "The answer is still the same." "Fine...fun killer." "What are you, five?" "No," he frowned. "I'm five!" Hannah giggled, throwing another box of cookies into the cart. "You are," Derek nodded. "And no five year old needs that many cookies." "But I'm almost six." "You are," he grinned. "But that doesn't mean more cookies." "Uncle Monkey and Nanners want cookies too." "And a bag is enough for all of us." "Two bags, please?" "You already have a lot of candy at home," Derek sighed. "And all the Christmas cookies." "But Uncle Monkey eats lots and lots of cookies. And he takes 'em to his sleepovers." "How about we stick to one bag and we'll come buy more if we need them?" "I guess," Hannah sighed and then turned to Meredith and Lexie. "Mereith, Lexie Mereith's sister, buy cookies and give 'em to me. Daddy can't say no if it's a pwesent." "I don't know if we can do that, Han," Meredith giggled. "He won't know. Our secret." "He's right here," Derek pointed out. "Earmuffs, Daddy." "I'll buy you cookies if your daddy says it's okay," Lexie offered and then frowned slightly at Derek. "Sorry...she's too cute to say no to." "And she knows it," Derek sighed. "Wonder who she got that from," Meredith grinned. "Oh?" Derek raised an eyebrow. "I'm too cute to say no to?" "No...I didn't mean....the thinking you're too cute to say no to," Meredith groaned. "Or the fact that I'm too cute to say no to," he smirked. "I say no to you all the time," Meredith pointed out. "Really? Because usually you say yes." "Derek..." Meredith hissed. "Daddy," Hannah imitated Meredith's hiss, giggling slightly. "Oh now my daughter is on your side," Derek laughed. "She's smart," Meredith laughed. "Gets it from me," he smirked. "Of course she does," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Glad to see you admitting it," he nodded. "Daddy, can I have pupcakes?" Hannah asked, holding up a box of cupcakes. "Okay," Derek sighed. "As a special treat. But that's it." "Lexie Mereith's sister likes pupcakes too," Hannah grinned, putting another box in Lexie's cart. "Oh," Lexie laughed softly. "I do. Thank you, Hannah." "Welcome, Lexie Mereith's sister." "Hannah, don't push your sugary ways on Lexie," Derek laughed. "It's fine," Lexie grinned. "I like cupcakes." "Good," Derek noddded. "But no more, Hannah." "So um..." Meredith sighed. "It was...you're...you're working tomorrow, right?" "Yeah," he smiled. "You too, right?" "Yeah," she shrugged slightly, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. "When do you start?" "Five. You?" "Six," he grinned. "I'll page you when I get in." "Good," she grinned. "Paging. I'll...definitely." "So we can talk about that...patient," he laughed. "Yeah, that..patient. With the...problems. Health problems." "Very pressing health problems," he nodded. "I may have to meet with you...a lot tomorrow." "More than five times?" Lexie laughed. "She knows?" Derek asked. "Mark knows." "I know," he nodded. "I just didn't know you told anyone." "I didn't want to tell her. She just...she knows. Everyone knows." "Everyone knows?" "I don't know," Hannah looked up at them. "And you don't need to know," Meredith said quickly. Derek looked up at Meredith for a second, confusion settling in his eyes before he smiled. "Meredith's right, Han. This is a grown up problem." "Grown up problems are boring," Hannah sighed. "Exactly," Meredith nodded. "Really boring. And Lexie and I...we have to go. Grocery shop and stuff. So...I'll see you tomorrow at work, Dr. Shepherd." "Dr. Shepherd? Seriously?" Derek frowned. "That's what I call you at work." "Unless you're planning on cutting open someone in Aisle 3 we're not at work." "Fine," she rolled her eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow at work, Derek." "See you tomorrow, Meredith," Derek grinned. "Bye, Mereith! Bye Lexie Mereith's sister!" "Bye Hannah! It was nice meeting both of you," Lexie grinned. "Bye, Han," Meredith smiled at the little girl, turning the cart in the opposite direction and walking away quickly. Derek watched her walk away, frowning slightly before turning back to Lexie. "It was nice meeting you too, Lexie." "You too, Derek," Lexie sighed and then lowered her voice. "Don't give up on her." "Wh...I don't plan to," Derek murmured. "Good," Lexie smiled. "She's stubborn, you're right about that. She's really stubborn but she likes you. Don't give up on her." "She likes me?" "Definitely," Lexie smiled widely. "Good," Derek nodded. "And I won't.” "Lexie...grocery shopping," Meredith groaned. "Coming," Lexie rolled her eyes. "I'll see you both later, I'm sure." "Bye, Lexie Mereith's sister," Hannah waved quickly as Lexie walked away. "Bye Hannah," Lexie called back. "Daddy, home now?" Hannah asked, grabbing Derek's hand. "Home sounds good," Derek nodded. "Good," Hannah nodded, letting go of his hand to run towards the check out. Derek laughed to himself and followed close behind her. Meredith had a sister. Meredith had a family that she never actually talked about because somehow she was too dark and twisty to talk about any of that. More importantly, she had a family that knew about him. Or at least a sister that knew about him. A sister that somehow knew she liked him. That was entirely amazing. He hadn't expected to hear someone say she liked him. He had always had a feeling she liked him, but to actually hear it from her sister was...exhilarating. He hadn't been planning on giving up on her. He loved her, he wanted to be with her. But there was something about hearting that she liked him that gave him hope. Gave him hope that this could turn into something more. But I feel everything you’re afraid to feel I will always want you, I will always love you



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:43 PM Post #11
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: As opposed to Alicia, Katie bought sex today...err...Entertainment Weekly...and is enjoying it thorougly. If we owned Grey's Anatomy, she wouldn't feel as if having Patrick Dempsey half naked on a bed would be a special treat, as she would see it all the time. Three times. It was only lunch time and they had already managed to escape three times to do...that thing they did. It was bad. Actually it was amazing but bad because they were supposed to being surgeons and surgeons shouldn't have time to escape for that much sex. And that was...it was a lot of sex. She couldn't actually believe how much sex they were having. She assumed at some point they'd have to slow down or something. Three times since five in the morning was a lot and now he was going in for a seven hour surgery that would only end with him on the surgery high wanting even more hot sex. It was just...a lot. A lot of really good, really amazing hot sex. She wasn't sure how she was even moving at this point, but she could ignore it for hot sex. "Earth to Meredith," Cristina's voice cut in. "What?" Meredith jumped slightly. "I'm listening. Definitely listening. Totally listening." "You're in another sex haze, aren't you?" "I...no...just...I'm not...no." "You live in a sex haze," Izzie sighed. "I would kill you have your life." "I think half the hospital is plotting her death," Alex smirked. "Not only is she having that much sex, she's having that much sex with McDreamy," Cristina groaned. "Not that he's my type, he smiles too much and the hair is freakishly perfect but the point is...McDreamy." "I don't see what the big fucking deal is," Alex groaned. "He's just a dude." "You're jealous because he's getting more action than you," Izzie laughed. "Mer's getting more action than everyone in this place," Cristina rolled her eyes. "Even Sloan," Meredith giggled. "Sloan's a pervert," Izzie sighed. "What did he do now?" Meredith groaned. "Well...nothing actually," Izzie frowned. "He's been...weird and off. But in general, pervert." "He's probably wierd and off because someone is having more sex than him," Cristina pointed out. "Probably," Meredith giggled. "I know I'm jealous," Izzie sighed. "You wouldn't have to be jealous if you weren't in love with your corpse upstairs," Alex grimaced, biting into an apple. "Don't call Denny a corpse," Izzie frowned. "That's what he is, that's what I call him." "He's a patient. A living, breathing patient." "Yeah, a patient who's half dead." "Ass." "Not nice, Stevens," Mark suddenly came up in front of them. "Unless you're admiring mine." "You wish," Izzie rolled her eyes. "There are plenty of other people admiring my ass," Mark smirked and then turned to Meredith. "Grey." "Yes?" "You're coming with me," he said firmly. "What? Why?" "Because I said. Let's go." "Umm...okay," Meredith murmured, jumping off the bed. "But I'm with Shepherd today." "I know that, Grey, the entire hospital knows it," Mark nodded, grabbing her elbow. "Let's go." "Okay, I'm coming," Meredith frowned. Mark dragged her further down the tunnels, away from her friends, who all looked extremely confused as he turned a corner and then stopped in the middle of the hallway. "You want to tell me what the fuck you're doing, Grey?" "What? I was...eating lunch...with my friends," Meredith murmured. "Not with your friends. You think I care about your friends? With Shep. And Hannah. But mostly with Shep." "Oh...ummm...I'm...nothing. I'm doing nothing," Meredith shook her head. "You're fucking him." "Well...yes." "And that's all you're doing." "Yes...no...it's...he's Derek." "He's Derek," Mark shrugged. "That doesn't answer my question, Grey. What the hell are you doing?" "I don't...I don't know." "I get the sex only thing. I get that and I've been doing it my whole life. So if it works for you, that's great. Just don't involve Shep and Hannah in it." "I'm...that's not...Derek is...he's happy. You know he's happy and he's...I'm not...it's not like that." "He's happy now. Shep isn't the kind of guy who can do the sex only thing for long. Me, I can do it, no problem." "I know he's not," Meredith sighed. "I know." "So you're going to wait until you hurt him, keep going with this?" Mark frowned. "Because it's not only him you hurt, it's Hannah too. And Shep can take care of himself, but Hannah..." "I don't want to hurt Hannah. Or Derek. I don't want to hurt either of them. Ever. They're....I can't, I can't hurt them. It's why...Derek and I...complicated. But I don't want to hurt either of them." "Then don't," Mark said firmly. "Derek's in this, Grey. And he's hoping you come around but if you aren't going to, then stop it now." "I can't stop it." "Why not?" "Because...he's...Derek." "Yeah, I heard you the first time." "I just...when I...I know I should stop. I know he deserves more than me, him and Hannah deserve ore than me. I know. And I told him that, I tell him that a lot and he doesn't listen but I know he deserves more than this. I know I should walk away. But...when I think of it...my chest...hurts." "Your chest hurts?" Mark frowned. "My chest hurts," she murmured. "If I think about leaving him and not doing this...my chest hurts." "Not doing the sex? Because if that's all it's about, Grey...he's going to end up hurt." "It's not...it's just...not." "Then what is it about, Grey?" "I don't know. I don't know what this is and I don't know what I'm supposed to do but it's not just...it's Derek. And me." "If you want to be with him, figure it out," Mark said firmly. "I don't know what I want." "Figure it out, Grey," he repeated. "And don't tell him we had this conversation." "I...I won't," Meredith shook her head. "Brother protective talk, I get it." "And uncle protective talk," Mark said. "Because if you hurt Hannah, Grey..." "I won't," Meredith said quickly. "Hannah isn't part of this. She's...Hannah and I are friends." "She's almost six years old. And quit fooling yourself. She's apart of this. She's Derek's kid." "I know that. Of course I know that. This is...this is a really big mess. Huge mess and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. But he's Derek." "And I'm telling you to figure it out," Mark sighed. "That's all I'm saying. He's in this. I haven't...he's in this." "He is?" "Of course he is. He's Derek." "Yeah...I....okay, I'll...figure it out for something," Meredith murmured. "Good," Mark nodded. "You can go back to your friends now, Grey." "Okay," Meredith sighed. "And I won't....he won't know about this." "He probably wouldn't believe you anyway," Mark shrugged. "He wouldn't?" "Probably not." "Why?" "You think I do this kind of shit all the time, Grey?" "I don't know. Derek's your best friend and brother so I don't know." "Shep's never been like this over a girl," Mark shrugged. "Oh...he...he hasn't?" "No. And it's pretty fucking lame if you ask me." "It is?" "It is," Mark nodded as Meredith's pager went off. "Christ, that's not him again, is it? A---OB nurse is too busy for another round, and I swear I'm reclaiming my throne." "I'm not sure you can," Meredith giggled. "I have to go meet him in his office." "I bet you do." "We have...patients to discuss." "Or fucking to do," Mark laughed. "Get the hell out of here, Grey. And figure this out." "I will." "Good," Mark nodded, fiddling with his own pager as he walked away. Meredith frowned to herself as she rushed off toward Derek's office. He was in this. He wasn't usually like this over a girl. And he was like this over her. And he was in. His brother knew and things were, this was bad, this was a mess. She had to figure out. She to figure out exactly wha this was because there was no way Derek could settle for this. She couldn't let him settle for this. She just didn't know what this was. She had no idea what this was or what she was doing. She wanted to be around him, she wanted to be having lots of hot sex with him, but she didn't know if she could take that any further. She didn't know if she could be something for him, something she had never been before. But it wasn't fair to him. This really wasn't fair to him or Hannah. She'd go to his office and they'd do the thing that they did and then she'd figure this out. Tonight. And maybe they should talk or something, because talking was important and maybe that would be good. But she had no idea how to even talk about this, how to be more or if she even wanted to be more. All she knew was she wanted to be around him and she didn't know how to not be. She was probably supposed to end it. Really end it. Really do what she had sworn she would do ages ago. Except the second she thought about ending it, her chest hurt. It really, really hurt. And he would be hurt. Of course, she had a weird feeling he wouldn't actually let her end it but still...she wasn't sure she was capable of that either. So she didn't know what to do. We're wounded by fear Injured in doubt. Disclaimer: According to Ellen Pompeo Mer and Der get married sooner than anyone thought they would. We're not sure what that means. But if it means what we think it means...we are more than happy to let Shonda keep owning the show. "This sucks," Meredith groaned as she moved down the hallway with Izzie. "This completely and totally sucks. I worked forty-eight hours straight and now...this sucks. Being a surgeon kind of sucks sometimes." "Oh stop complaining," Izzie sighed. "You of all the people in this hospital do not get to complain about being in this hospital." "Why don't I get to complain? You complain, Alex complains, George complains, Cristina...okay, Cristina doesn't complain. But I get to complain too." "Really? You get to complain? How many times have you had sex in the last forty-eight hours of being in this hospital?" "Okay, that's not..." Meredith chewed on her bottom lip. "It's actually starting to hurt kind of, Iz. It's like...you know when you have sex way too much and you just need a break but the sex is too good to take a break?" "No, I actually have never had that problem, Mer," Izzie groaned. "Oh," Meredith sighed. "Well...um...yeah. Too many hours at the hospital. Tired. Sold our souls." "Going home for once would be nice," Izzie nodded. "We have a home?" Meredith laughed as they rounded a corner, frowning when she saw a huge group of people around the nurse's station. "What's going on there?" "I have no idea," Izzie frowned, trying to look around. "And one for Tyler and one for Debbie and one for Dr. Miranda," they heard a little voice sing as a tiny hand held out purple envelopes. "That's Dr. Shepherd's daughter, isn't it?" Izzie asked Meredith. "And don't forget I'm turning six so that means lots and lots of presents," Hannah smiled widely. "Her birthday party," Meredith sighed. "Mereith!" Hannah turned from her spot on the counter, a huge pile of purple envelopes in her hand. "Izzie Mereith's friend!" "Hannah!" Meredith grinned, approaching her. "What are you doing?" "It's my birthday real soon," Hannah nodded, grabbing two purple invitations. "You gotta come, Mereith! And Izzie Mereith's friend!" "Thank you," Meredith nodded, taking the invitation. "Does your daddy know you're not in day care?" "Nope," Hannah shook her head. "But I gotta 'vite everyone, Mereith. It's a pwincess balleina party." "That sounds pretty cool," Meredith smiled, looking at the invitation. "But does Daddy know you're inviting everyone?" "Kind of." "Kind of?" "Yeah, I told him. Pwomise I did." "Okay..." Meredith nodded slowly. "So what do you want for your birthday?" "Um...lots of stuff," Hannah grinned. "Balleina Barbie and new tutu, even though Daddy said I got one for Christmas and I can't get another one but I want another one so that's what I want and it's my birthday so I gotta get what I want." "Oh..." Meredith nodded. "Of course." "So you gotta come and Izzie Mereith's friend you gotta come too," Hannah grinned and then turned quickly. "Dr. Chief! Dr. Chief!" "Hannah," Chief nodded, walking up behind them. "Dr. Grey. Dr. Stevens." "Dr. Chief, you gotta come to my pwincess balleina party!" Hannah giggled, handing out another purple envelope. "Oh why thank you for inviting me," Chief nodded. "But shouldn't you be in day care?" "Um...maybe," Hannah sighed. "I'll take her back down, Dr. Webber," Meredith volunteered. "Thank you, Dr. Grey," Chief smiled. "I'll see you at your party, Hannah." "See you, Dr. Chief," Hannah nodded. "Come on, Hannah," Meredith sighed, lifting Hannah off the counter and turning to Izzie. "I'm running her to daycare, Iz." "Okay," Izzie nodded. "If anyone is looking for you I'll let them know you'll be right back." "Bye, Izzie Mereith's friend!" Hannah grinned. "You're coming to my birthday party, kay?" "Okay," Izzie nodded. "Good," Hannah smiled. "And you too, Mereith. You gotta come." "Of course," Meredith nodded. "Wouldn't miss it." "I know. Daddy said you maybe might not come. But I said you gotta come. And you can bring your sister too. I want the biggest party ever!" "I'll ask her about it," Meredith nodded. "And everyone's gotta bring me lots of presents," Hannah sighed. "Cause I'm six and that's real big." "It is," Meredith smiled. "Can't I watch surgery with you and Daddy today, Mereith?" Hannah asked. "Please? Please? It's almost my birthday." "That's something you have to talk to your daddy about," Meredith sighed. "I'll tell him you asked." "But I don't want to go to daycare." "I know you don't," Meredith sighed. "But you have to." "But I didn't ‘vite everyone yet." "You can invite them later." "Fine," Hannah sighed. "Sometimes you're mean like Daddy, Mereith." "I know," Meredith laughed. "I pwomise I'll be real quiet during the hemistomies." "I know you would be," Meredith nodded. "And I'll tell your Daddy you want to watch but it's up to him." "He's gonna say no." "Probably," Meredith sighed. "But we'll see. I'll try my best, Han." "Kay," Hannah sighed as Meredith put her down in front of the daycare. "Can Nanners watch too?" "If you can watch, Nanners can watch," Meredith nodded. "Good, make sure you ask him real soon." "I will." "Your beepy thing wants you," Hannah giggled as Meredith's pager went off at her hip. "Actually your daddy wants me," Meredith giggled. "You'll stay here now?" "Yep," Hannah nodded. "But you gotta ask him." "I will, I promise." "Bye, Mereith," Hannah smiled, hugging Meredith quickly around the waist. "Don't forget to ask." "I won't," Meredith nodded, hugging Hannah back quickly. "I'll see you later, Han." "Bye, Mereith," Hannah nodded, running back into the nursery. Meredith tucked the invitation in her pocket and headed back toward the surgery wing. Derek had paged her for sex while she was with his daughter. Something seemed slightly dirty and wrong about that. Not that he was getting sex. Not right away at least. Meredith had a feeling Hannah hadn't actually told her dad anything about inviting everyone to her party. She had a serious feeling that Hannah had just grabbed a handful of invitations this morning and was inviting as many people as possible. Derek had talked about the birthday party once or twice; something about small with a few kids from Hannah's class and his family. Apparently Hannah hadn't gotten the small and private memo, which Meredith could only imagine would not make Derek happy. "Took you long enough," Derek groaned from his place on the bed as she entered the on call room. "Oh I'm sorry," she rolled her eyes. "Next time I'll let your daughter invite the entire hospital to her birthday party." "What?" Derek frowned as he sat up. "Hannah just invited the entire hospital to her sixth birthday party," Meredith giggled. "Crap," Derek sighed. "I told her not to do that." "Well, she did. Chief is coming, Debbie's coming, Tyler's coming, oh...and Izzie's coming." "Great. I assume you got one too." "I did." "You don't actually have to come," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "No one has to. I'll talk to her. Where is she now?" "I took her back to daycare," Meredith shrugged. "And I'm coming." "You're...what?" "I'm coming. Or going or...whatever." "You don't have to.' "I know. But I want to." "You do?" "Yeah, I guess," Meredith chewed on her bottom lip. "She asked me and I told her I'd come and...I guess that means I'm going. Because I told her I was and...she gave me a purple invitation and...yeah, I want to." "Oh," Derek breathed, smiling widely. "That's great, Mer. She'll be thrilled." "She was really happy," she smiled. "But this...it's not...we're not...it's for Hannah." "I know," Derek nodded quickly. "You do?" she asked. "Because you did that...thing. The look thing and we're...I'm not...Hannah. It's for Hannah and we're not...I know and...it's for Hannah." "I didn't do a look," he denied quickly. "Entirely for Hannah, I know. I'm just...happy you want to be there for her." "You did a look and...she's my friend or something. I'm her friend or...I don't know. Anyway...Hannah." "Hannah," Derek nodded. "Who probably doesn't deserve a party now." "Why not?" Meredith giggled, sitting on the bed next to him. "Because she invited the entire hospital." "Well, not the entire. Apparently she missed a few people and wants to watch our surgery to invite everyone else." "She wants to...apparently turning six means you get to drive your dad insane." "She swore you knew about it." "Did you believe her?" "Not really," she giggled. "But she says you knew about it. She said she told you." "She's a devil. I blame Mark." "Why?" "Because he's Mark. And he won't move out." "I thought he was looking at apartments," she laughed, falling back against the bed. "He says that all the time," Derek sighed. "I think in the last four years he's looked at maybe two and that's because I dragged him." "So you're blaming the fact that Hannah just invited all of Seattle Grace to her birthday party on your lazy brother?" "Yes." "That makes sense," Meredith giggled. "You should probably do damage control or something." "Probably a good idea," he sighed. "I don't mind if some people come...you, Bailey, Chief...but not the entire hospital." "The entire hospital would be bad," she giggled, closing her eyes as she curled herself into the ball on the bed. "Your mom would probably..." She trailed off and went completely silent, not saying a word or moving a muscle. "My mom what?" Derek frowned, turning on his side to face her. "Your mom...she's...your parents..." she sat up quickly, wincing as she hit her head on the bunk. "Your parents are going to be at the party. I mean, it makes sense. That they would be there, Hannah is their grandchild so your parents are going to be there and they'll be all protective of you and Hannah and...your mom is probably really and your dad...your parents are going to be there. I can't be there. I can't. I can't go." "Mer...calm down," Derek sighed. "My dad died when I was seven. He definitely won't be there..." "Oh," she breathed, turning to face him. "He...I...this is why I can't go. I can't go because I'll say something stupid like that and your mom...your mom will hate me. Well, if she doesn't hate me for...I can't go. I'm not going. I'll get Hannah a present but...I can't go. There is no way I can go because your mom and your sisters and...I can't go. This was such a bad idea." "I like you but the last thing I want is for you to meet my family. They won't be there." "But they...they're your family. They have to be there." "They're not," Derek shook his head. "My family is huge. We have two seperate parties...one for family, one for friends. Hannah invited you to the friend one." "Oh, she...okay," Meredith breathed. "Friend one. Not...okay." "I can't bring you home to meet my family. That would be...entirely awkward." "Yeah, very...I mean...awkward," she nodded. "Really...your mom would hate me." "No, she wouldn't," Derek shook his head. "She would just...be entirely disturbed." "Hate me." "I'm not sure it's possible to hate you." "No, no she'd hate me. Really hate me. Because I...yeah, that would be akward. No families. That's definitely against the rules." "Not that I want you to meet them...but she wouldn't hate you. She'd just...not get it." "Yeah," she nodded and then laid back down on the bed, turning on her side to face him. "I'm sorry...about your dad. I didn't...I didn't know." "I don't talk about it," he sighed. "It was a long time ago." "I...how?" she whispered and then shook her head. "Sorry. That's...we don't...you don't have to. Sorry." "No, it's okay. Car accident." "Sorry," she murmured, reaching for his hand. "Thanks," he whispered, squeezing her hand. She stared at him for a second and then leaned forward, kissing him gently as she squeezed his hand comfortingly. Her lips brushed against his before she pulled back. "I didn't...you're okay? I didn't know, Der." "I know you didn't," he smiled slightly. "And I'm okay. It wasn't always easy but...I really am okay." "Do you...we don't have to talk about it," she shook her head. "We don't...I mean we don't talk so...no talking. You paged me." "I did page you," he nodded slowly. "So...you paged and...we can do the thing that we do when you page." "We could...or we could just stay here like this for a bit." "You...seriously?" "Seriously," he breathed. "It is...I mean...the sex is great but..." "But what?" he frowned. "It's kind of starting to hurt," she giggled slightly, running her free hand over his curls. "What? You should have said something," he laughed softly. "But I'm enjoying it." "So am I," he nodded. "But not if it's hurting you." "I'm fine, Der," she rolled her eyes. "Just...lots of sex. Lots and lots of sex." "Lots of sex," he grinned. "But we can just lay here for a bit." "I..." she chewed on her lower lip, her eyes lowering to look down at their hands. She had to figure this out. Mark had said to figure this out, he had said Derek could get hurt. So she had to figure this out. Somehow, she had to decide what this was. "Yeah. We can just lay here for a bit." "Okay," he smiled softly. "Okay," she murmured, moving closer to him as she squeezed his hand. "Okay," he echoed again, shifting slightly to kiss her softly. "Hmm," she smiled as she kissed him back, their lips brushing against each other as she moved her legs to tangle with his. "This is...nice," he murmured, wrapping his arm around her. "Yeah," she whispered, letting her body relax against his. "It is. Nice. Very nice." "Good." "Good?" she smiled, moving even closer to him so that they were just inches apart. "Very good," he grinned. "Hmm," she nodded, yawning. "Tired?" "Beyond tired," she murmured. "Forty-eight hour shift and now...beyond tired." "We can sleep," he shrugged. "We've never slept together," she grinned and then giggled. "Well not actually...sleep. I mean, we've slept together but not...slept together. I'm not making any sense." "Yeah, you are," he laughed softly. "But we could really sleep...together." "We could." "Okay," he nodded. "Sleeping together...it's not against the rules," she murmured, her eyes already starting to drift shut. "Definitely not," he murmured, running his lips gently along her temple. "So...sleep," she whispered, moving to wrap an arm around him as her breathing deepened and she fell asleep. Leaving your heart beating in fragile hands And nobody understands Maybe you're gone Maybe you are finally coming home Disclaimer: We don't own the show. Remember that as you're reading this update. We don't own the show. And hopefully the people that own the show don't actually do anything like this. Because just...well....hope with us. She was a great avoider. She figured if someone gave out prizes to the best avoiders she probably deserved one at this point. She hadn't talked to him since the on call room...thing. She had also come to the conclusion she was calling it a thing. Waking up cuddled close to his chest, their arms and legs entirely tangled together was a thing. More specifically a thing that meant nothing. Not that the thing that meant nothing didn't feel good. It had. Or it had until he had woken up as she tried to move out of his arms and had broken at least fifty rules. At least. Because the look...the McDreamy look...that had to be worth forty rules. And then he had tried to stay stuff and she had tried to ignore stuff and now here she was...avoiding the thing that meant nothing. She was doing amazingly well at avoiding. It helped that by some small miracle she wasn't with him today so she could actually ignore his pages. And there were tons of pages. Pages which she were pretty sure had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with rule breaking and McDreamy looks and talking about things. Not that there was anything to talk about but he thought there was. Of course he thought there was talking. He was a talker. He wasn't one of those guys who never talked about anything, because that would be way too easy. She had to be having sex with the guy who wanted to talk and not avoid things. Which is why she was happy she could avoid. She was an amazing avoider. She had perfected the art of avoiding. So there would be no talking. And there would be no more McDreamy looks. And there would definitely be no more of that thing that was nothing. Even if something had felt entirely perfect about coming conscious with Derek's strong arms holding her close and his smell all around her. It had felt amazing and she was pretty sure she slept like a baby. But no more of that. But there could be avoiding. Good avoiding. Until she was on his service again. And then she couldn't avoid and...she wasn't sure what would happen then. She hadn't planned that far ahead. Right now, there was avoiding. Tomorrow...tomorrow she'd figure something else out. She groaned as she slammed her pen down, her beeper going off at her hip. Again. "Why are you still standing here?" Alex asked. "What do you mean?" Meredith asked, pressing the button to silence her pager. "Pager went off...shouldn't you be off doing McDreamy?" Alex shrugged and then frowned. "Pretend I didn't call him that." "You totally did," she groaned. "And he's not...I'm not...we're not. Today." "You're not today?" "No. Not today. Definitely not today. And he doesn't want to...he wants to talk. Which is stupid. Guys don't talk, right?" "Guys definitely don't talk," Alex frowned. "What does he want to talk about?" "This...thing that meant nothing," she sighed. "Why can't he be like regular guys? Why can't he be all against talking and just...but he's not and we're not. Today. Or maybe ever again." "Seriously? You can give up that much sex and not explode or something?" "I have to." "Why?" "Because he's...and we...I have to. Because he wants to talk about a thing that meant nothing but he thinks it meant something and it didn't. Even if it was really nice...it meant nothing. So I have to. End it." "Okay," Alex shrugged. "End it then and stop freaking out." "I'm not freaking out," Meredith frowned. "And yes...I'll end it. Today. Or tomorrow or...next time I see him. Ending it. Completely ending it. Because it was a bad idea in the first place." "That much sex is never a bad idea." "It is when it leads to somethings that mean nothing." "Grey...you are so full of it." "What? I am not." "You are," Alex groaned. "You obviously like the guy, why not just tell him or something?" "Because I don't...I mean, I do, but..." Meredith bit her lip. "I don't do relationships. You get that, right?" "Yeah," Alex nodded. "Highly overrated and all that shit...but you like him. He likes you." "It doesn't matter. I'm ending it. The next time I see him...ending it." "Because some guy messed with your head in the past or something?" "No," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Whatever," Alex shrugged. "All I'm saying is you obviously want him. In whatever way. Go get him...don't let some shit that happened in the past hold you back. That's just stupid." "Okay, I don't remember asking you," Meredith sighed. "And I...oh crap." "Crap?" "Crap," she hissed. "Turn around." "Why?" "Just..." Meredith bit her lip as she hunched down, watching Derek walk toward them, that look on his face. The look that said he was going to get what he wanted and...it wasn't good. It really wasn't good. "Turn around. I'm not here." "He already saw you," Alex pointed out. "It doesn't matter, I'm not here," Meredith murmured. "And turn around. Talk to him or...something." "Fine...whatever," Alex groaned, turning around. "Dr. Karev," Derek stopped, a frown on his face as he looked over Alex's shoulder. "Dr. Grey." "Dr. Grey isn't here, sir," Alex rolled his eyes. "She's standing right behind you, Dr. Karev," Derek sighed, shaking his head slightly. "She is," Alex nodded, turning to look at Meredith. "I tried. Have fun. And remember what I said." "You suck," Meredith groaned as Alex walked away. "Really suck." "That might have been the worst hiding place ever," Derek sighed. "I realize that now, thanks." "You're avoiding me." "I'm working." "And avoiding me. I've paged you." "I'm not in the mood," she shrugged. "Headache or whatever." "You're lying." "I'm working," she said firmly, turning to grab the chart she had been working on. "We have to talk," he sighed. "No, we don't," she shook her head. "We definitely don't have to talk about the thing. No talking. Working. We have to work. And you...you have to save lives. And plan your daughter's birthday party. So no talking." "Hannah's party is planned and I'm in between surgeries," he shrugged. "We could grab a coffee." "I already had coffee. And I'm working." "You're an intern, you could use more coffee," Derek groaned. "And I'm your boss. Take a break." "I don't want more coffee. And today you're not my boss. Well you are my boss, technically. But Dr. Bailey is my boss too. And I'm working on other stuff today. Stuff she told me to do. So Bailey...Bailey is my boss." "Well...when is your lunch?" "I'm eating lunch with Cristina." "Cancel. We need to talk." "I'm not canceling. And we don't need to talk." "If we don't need to talk why are you avoiding me?" "I'm not avoiding you. I'm working," she rolled her eyes. "I have to work. I know you don't get that, but sometimes I have to work and save lives and run labs and not...not do things with you." "Meredith," he groaned. "We...things are different now. We need to talk." "Things are not different," she shook her head. "Not different. Unless...no, not different. Same. Exact same." "There was an unless." "We're not talking about the unless." "But there is one." "Ignore it." "Can't," he grinned. "You do realize I'll be your boss tomorrow and I can make you talk." "You can't make me talk," Meredith countered. "You're my boss. All that means is you make me help you in surgery and do your post ops and pre-ops. And talk about cases. That's all you can do. As my boss." "Mer...we really need to have this talk. Things...we need to talk." "No we don't." "Yes, we do." "No, we don't," she shook her head. "And I have to work." "Fine.. no talking. Sex." "I don't want sex." "Ha," Derek laughed. "Somehow I find that hard to believe." "What is that supposed to mean?" "You always want sex." "Maybe I don't now. Maybe I don't want sex or talking or...maybe I want to work." "That's a lie." "No it isn't." "Meredith..." Derek sighed, grabbing onto her arm gently. "No," she shook her head. "No talking. No sex." "Meredith," he repeated. "We fell asleep in each other's arms. And I slept...I don't think I've ever slept that well in an on call room. It meant something. And eventually we have to talk about that something." "It meant nothing," she sighed. "It was a thing that meant nothing. I was tired. I fell asleep. That's it." "You don't mean that," he murmured. "It was a thing that meant nothing," she repeated, ignoring the sharp, stabbing pain in her chest. "Don't do that, Mer." "Do what?" "Pretend," he whispered. "That was...you can't actually mean that.' "We're not talking about this. There's nothing to talk about." "Meredith..." "What?" "I get that you don't do relationships...you know I do. But don't pretend that was nothing. Don't keep shrugging this off." "I have to work. And...I'm not...we're not...there's nothing to talk about. Things are the same." "Fine. Whatever." "That's...that's it?" Meredith frowned, turning to look at him. Derek didn't do the fine whatever thing. She did. She did that and he...he was annoying and wanted to talk and...something was wrong here. "That's it," he nodded. "You're...you're letting it go?" "For now," he shrugged. "One day you're going to have to face what this is." "What what is? There isn't...we're...this is against the rules," she finished lamely. "I'm sick of those rules." "Well they're there. And we agreed on them." "I know," he rolled his eyes. "But still...eventually...this is going to come around, you're going to have to face us and what we are." "We're not anything." "How...you drive me nuts sometimes." "You're the one who wouldn't stop chasing," she shrugged. "Don't remind me," he groaned. "You're...you're regretting chasing?" "No," he said quickly. "Definitely not. At all. Even when I want to shake you...definitely not." "Oh," she breathed, looking down at the chart. "Oh." "I'd do it again," he shrugged. "Okay." "And this...us...it's something. Eventually you'll have to face it. And I'll be...still standing here waiting." She turned to look at him, at his blue eyes looking...she wasn't sure what they looked like. And then there was Mark again, Mark saying she had to figure this out before Derek got hurt. Before she hurt him. "You...I have to work." "I know," he murmured quietly. "So I should...you need to stop paging me." "But...I might die if I don't get sex with you today." "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Ever." "My brain is apparently stopping functioning with the lack of sex. And I have to operate in an hour." "Okay, never mind," she rolled her eyes. "That was the stupidest thing I've ever heard." "Mer, come on...I promise no talking." "No," she shook her head. "No. I...working. And you have to work and...working." "Has that stopped us before?" "And now I don't. And I'm working for Bailey." "Fine," he groaned. "Fine." "I don't like you very much right now." "That's...mature." "I'm raising a five year old." "And?" "It affects my maturity sometimes," he shrugged. "You're still coming to her party, right?" "Of course I am," Meredith sighed. "I promised her." "I know...just with the avoiding and the not talking and the no more sex." "Which fits perfectly with a kid's birthday party." "And eventually...we're finishing this discussion. I don't care if it involves yelling and screaming and anything else...we're having this talk." "There's nothing to talk about." "No," he shook his head. "I know you're scared, I know you think you can't do this...but you don't get to call this nothing." "I'm going to work," she sighed, grabbing her chart and holding it close to her chest. "No, Meredith. Not till you admit the truth. Because I deserve a hell of a lot more than nothing." "You do," she whispered. "So do you." "I'm good with nothing." "I'm not going to let you be good with nothing." "I'm sorry, Derek," she murmured. "Mer...don't be," he sighed. "I didn't mean...I'm about to operate on a tumor most doctors deemed inoperable, I'm just...stressed." "I know," she sighed. "But...you're right. You deserve...you deserve more." "I deserve you," he murmured. "You can't...we can't," she shook her head. "We...we can't do this anymore." "We can't...what?" "You deserve more and you...you want more. I can't, we can't do this anymore. You want more and you want me and I can't do that so...we can't do this anymore." "But you...you're ending this?" "I'm ending it," she confirmed quietly, rubbing her hand over her eye quickly. "Oh," he nodded. "I...oh." "I'm sorry." "I'm...I'm not just going to go away, Mer." "You have to," she breathed, her voice slightly choked. "You have to, Derek." "I can't," he murmured. "And I don't want to." "You have to. You...you want things. And you want more." "I want you." "I'm sorry," she sighed. "I know you are," he whispered. "And um...I'll tell Bailey to release me from your service for a bit," she murmured. "No, don't," he shook his head. "You love neuro. You're amazing at neuro. You're not letting this affect your career." "It's not. I just...a few days." "Fine, a few days." "Okay," she sighed, her chest throbbing as she took a deep breath. "Goodbye, Derek." She turned to walk away but Derek's hand caught her arm and he pulled her into a tight hug. "One day...you're going to figure out that you deserve more, that you want more," he murmured. She stayed cuddled in his arms for a second and then pulled away, not saying anything else as a tear slipped down her cheek. She had ended it. She had ended it. And suddenly, she wanted nothing more than the something in an on call room that had meant nothing. Hold onto the night Hold onto the memories I wish that I could give you something more and I could be yours Disclaimer: Apparently there is still sex and only sex by 408. If we owned the show it would be slightly different. Not that we don't love the sex, we do. And there would be sex if we owned it. But more too. But we don't own it. He had thought he had talked to her about this. Even when all the kids had RSVP'd, he really thought he had talked Hannah out of inviting this many people. He didn't even know Hannah knew this many people. Everyone was here. And the kids were all screaming, or at least talking rather loudly. About princesses and ballerinas and...his head was starting to hurt. This wasn't what he needed. What he needed was to be curled up in bed, preferably with Meredith curled up beside him and acting like that conversation they had had a week before hadn't actually happened. He wished it hadn't. After sleeping together, really sleeping together, he had thought, apparently foolishly, that things were going to get better, that they were going to move in good ways from there. And she had ended it. He hadn't expected it to be this painful. He hadn't expected to lay awake a night, pain coursing through his veins. She had ended it. They had been talking and he had tried to do what they always did when they had a fight, tried to have sex. But she had ended it. With tears in her eyes. He had seen those. He had seen the tears that threatened to fall, and it only made this hurt worse. She didn't want this, he knew that. Even when she said entirely opposite words, everything in his gut screamed that this wasn't at all what she wanted. She wanted what he wanted, he was sure of that. She just didn't think she deserved it. She didn't think she wanted it. And he wanted nothing more than to prove her wrong but he had no idea how he was supposed to do that now. He hadn't spoken to her in a week. He had seen her around the hospital, moving in some kind of daze. But he hadn't spoken to her since she had ended it and then turned away from him. Bailey had given him some evil glares once or twice, which explained volumes about how Meredith was feeling, but he hadn't actually talked to her. And he missed her. He entirely missed her. And now she was supposed to be here today and he had no idea if she would even come. She said she was going to but that was before she had ended it. And now her coming might be awkward and strange. But he wanted her here. He wanted her here for Hannah and because he needed to see her away from the hospital, he needed to figure out how she really was. Even though he was hurting, even though the idea of seeing her and not being able to touch her in some way was more painful than not seeing her at all, he had to see her. He had to make sure she wasn't walking around the hospital in a daze because of him, he had to know that she was really okay with this before he planned another course of action. "I got it! I got it!" his tiara-wearing six year old screamed as the doorbell rang. "Okay," Derek laughed softly. "But remember what I said about no running." "I know," Hannah giggled, but ran anyway, opening the door quickly. "Mereith! Lexie Mereith's sister!" "Hey Hannah, happy birthday," he heard Meredith murmur. She had actually come. He knew she had the day off and that she said she was coming but now she was here. In his house and he wasn't allowed to walk up to her and kiss her like he so desperately wanted to. "Tanks, Mereith!" Hannah giggled, grabbing her hand and leading her inside. "Didja bring me a pwesent?" "Hannah, remember you're not allowed to ask that," Derek groaned before looking up to meet Meredith's eyes, and instead finding the top of her head as she looked at the ground. "Mer...Meredith. Lexie." "Der---Dr. Shepherd," she nodded a little, still looking at the ground. "You...umm...came," he murmured, feeling entirely pathetic and lost. Because he wanted to drop down onto his knees and beg her to let them really have a chance and tell her he loved her and do anything else to get her back but he wasn't exactly sure that would work out well for him. "It's Hannah's birthday," she whispered, holding out a wrapped gift. "I um...present. For her birthday." "Thanks," he nodded, reaching out for the gift and wincing slightly as his hand brushed hers and she jumped back. "You're um...welcome," she sighed as she stood slightly behind her sister, still looking at the ground. "It's nice to see you again, Derek," Lexie smiled brightly. "It's okay that I call you that, right?" He tore his eyes away from Meredith as he sighed, nodding slightly. "Of course, Lexie. It's good to see you again." "I brought chocolate chip cookies," Lexie grinned. "I had no idea what to get her and I figured cookies were always a hit." "Cookies are the bestest!" Hannah giggled, reaching for the tin in Lexie's hands. "Hannah, how about we go put those in the kitchen instead?" Derek asked. "But they're my pwesent," Hannah grinned, opening the tin and pulling out a chocolate chip cookie. "They are," Derek nodded. "But if you eat them now you have to share with everyone." "Oh," Hannah frowned and then handed Derek the tin of cookies. "Mereith, come see the real cool balleina movie my Nana bought me!" "Oh okay," Meredith nodded, grabbing onto Hannah's hand. "So, um, I'm going to go put these in the kitchen," Derek sighed, turning to Lexie. "I'll come with you," Lexie nodded firmly. "Okay," he nodded, watching as Hannah led Meredith to the living room, her hand tightly in hers. She looked miserable, worse than she had at the hospital. Now he wasn't sure if she should have come. This probably wasn't good for either of them. Because seeing her, talking to her, was just as painful as not. "Come on," he sighed, turning towards the kitchen. "How are you holding up?" Lexie asked as they reached the kitchen. "I...I'm trying," he sighed, leaning up against the counter and pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's been a week." "I know, she told me," Lexie nodded. "You look like hell." "I miss her," Derek nodded slightly. "How is she?" "She's fine," Lexie rolled her eyes. "She's always fine." "Yeah," he chuckled sardonically. "That's her problem." "I know. If it helps....I'm pretty sure she misses you desperately." "Then why..." he shook his head. "I get it. She can't do relationships, I asked for too much." "You didn't ask for too much. You...want to be with her. And asking for that, it's not asking for too much." "For her it is." "I know," Lexie sighed. "But...she wants it too, Derek." "I'm not sure she does," he sighed. "I just wish...I just love her so damn much." "Woah...hold on...what?" "I...she doesn't know," he shook his head. "She has no idea. I don't even...I don't know when it happened. But I love her." "Oh," Lexie nodded slowly. "Wow." "But she's not ready for that," he whispered to himself. "She's not...she's not ready." "She will be. She's just...I haven't known her long, Derek but I'm pretty sure this is the first time she's been like this about any guy. She's entirely miserable without you and she's trying to blame it on lack of orgasms but I don't actually believe her. She wants to be with you." "She told you about the on call room? About the...about sleeping together? Actually sleeping together, not sex." "She did. I don't think she meant to, it came out in a ramble about...you. A really tear ramble about how this is for the best." "I thought that was going to change things," he smiled painfully. "And she ended it. No warning." "She ended it because it did change things. And the change terrified her." "Because she's not ready for this," he shook his head and then looked up. "I think what your dad did to her...her mother never wanted her. Your dad was never man enough to hang around. She has a right to be damaged. And us, together? Lexie, it's a big step for her. She panics, she wants this, she doesn't know how to have it. And it's not her fault. It's not her fault." "It's not," Lexie nodded. "But...god, if my dad wasn't dead I could kill him for what he did." "I could too," Derek growled. "She deserves better." "She does. She deserves you." "She does," he nodded and then sighed. "Your her sister, Lexie. What do I do now? Chase her? Let her end this?" "Don't let her end this," Lexie shook her head quickly. "You'll just both be miserable forever. Give her time, that's all I can think. Give her time and be there. Don't chase just...make it clear you're not going anywhere." "I don't think I could even if I wanted to." "I always feel like it's partially my fault Mer is the way she is. And you really love her...I'm sorry that it's this hard." "You didn't do anything, Lexie," Derek assured her. "It was your dad. He...he's the one who should be apologizing. And her mom." "Dad's dead and her mom is...she can't. So I have to do." "Her mom has Alzheimer's," he nodded. "She told me." "She did?" "Accidentally, it came out in a ramble," he laughed softly. "How is she?" "She's...being her," Lexie sighed. "Meaning?" "Trying desperately to pretend she's not miserable." "She has too much on her plate," Derek nodded. "With her mom and...me. I'll just have to show her this can work." "You do. And you can...she just...she's stubborn and scared and...lost," Lexie sighed. "But if she told you about her mom...you're not nothing, regardless of what she claims.' "Hmm," he sighed. "Maybe you could talk to her? I feel there's only so much I can do right now before she...of course, I don't see how it could get any worse than this." "I've been trying and I'll keep trying. She's my sister, I love her and I want her happy. She's been happier the last few months than the entire time I knew her." "Shep," Mark poked his head in. "Stop flirting and get your ass out here. Do you have any idea how many kids are here?" "A lot," Derek sighed. "And I'm definitely not flirting...Mark, this is Lexie's, Meredith's sister. Lexie this is my best friend Mark." "Meredith's sister," Mark grinned. "So all the Greys are hot?" "Sorry," Derek frowned to Lexie. "You can ignore him." "Don't worry, Shep, I'm not going to drag her upstairs and sleep with her," Mark rolled his eyes. "You...what?" Lexie frowned. "Ignore him," Derek nodded as he opened the fridge, pulling out the cake. "Okay," Lexie nodded slowly. "She looks a little young anyway," Mark shrugged. "Kids. Party. Grey's stuck in the middle of a crowd of annoying kids, excluding Hannah, of course, wearing a crown and a feather boa." "Mer's wearing a crown and a feather boa?" Derek grinned. "She is," Mark laughed. "I'm going to need a picture of that," Derek laughed. "Yeah, well, get your ass out there and take it yourself. I've got a date right after this and I can't be covered in pink cake or make up or whatever the hell they're using." "A date?" Derek frowned, handing some plates to Lexie. "Yeah a...fuck date," Mark frowned. "No...it's a date date." "Don't put your pathetic love life on me, Shep. It's a date. Does it matter what kind?" "Yes. Because you don't go on dates." "You realize you left Grey alone out there with a shitload of kids?" "Actually you left her alone," Derek pointed out. "And come on...we'll go save her." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There were children everywhere. And she was wearing a tiara. And a pink feather boa with sparkles on it. And the kids that were everywhere were laughing and really enjoying the fact that she was wearing a tiara and a feather boa. She really needed to learn to say not to Hannah. Or to the eyes. She really needed to learn to say no to the Shepherd eyes. She shouldn't be here. She knew it was going to be awkward and bad and Derek probably definitely didn't want her here. She should have just told Hannah she had to work or something. Except she hadn't want to hurt Hannah on her birthday, and she definitely hadn't want to let whatever the mess was with Derek hurt Hannah in anyway. Not that there was a mess, that was over. She had ended it. In a really big way she had ended it. And she had to. She had needed to end it. He wanted more, he needed more, and he was starting to get hurt. And Mark was right, Derek didn't deserve to get hurt. So she had...she wasn't sure what she had done. Figured it out or something and just...ended it. Which was for the best. Or it would be once Derek stopped staring at her over the cake. He looked...worse than he had at the hospital all week. In the last week avoiding him had become far too easy because she had to stay away from him, before his incredibly sad eyes killed her. If she kept looking at him she'd want to do something, anything to make him smile again. Because he was devastated. It was entirely clear that he had ended up getting hurt. Which was probably why Sloan wouldn't even look at her or talk to her. And probably why she couldn't stand to look at him. She hadn't meant to hurt him. That had never been what she wanted to do. She couldn't imagine hurting him. He was...him. He was supposed to bounce back. He was a happy medium between her and Izzie...and even though he was smiling, he looked miserable. It had to get better in time. He had to eventually get back to being Derek, the smiley bouncy guy who basically bounced around the hospital. And she would get better too. That strange ache that decided to make itself k



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:46 PM Post #12
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Because he wanted more. He wanted...and I can't. I can't so I didn't...Mark said he would end up hurt and I don't want him hurt." "Well then it's good you ended it. He's obviously much happier now." "He'll...he'll be okay," Meredith murmured. "He just...I mean, he's...he's not him right now but he will be. He just...it's only been a week and he'll be okay." "How do you know that?" "Because he's him. And because...because I was just...we were just...he'll be fine." "The man's devastated, Mer." "He'll be fine," Meredith shook her head, running her hand over her eyes. "What if he's not? And what about you being fine?" "I am fine. I'm completely fine." "No you're not, neither of you are." "I'm fine, Lexie. We're fine. Both of us...fine." "You're not," Lexie groaned. "Stop saying that." "Okay, a, I'll say it because it's true and b, kids, Lexie. Do you see the kids?" "Fine, I'll let it drop," Lexie nodded. "But...all I know is...I get it, I get you don't do relationships and whatever it is you feel for Derek is big and scary. I get it. I also know that if I had a man that looked at me the way Derek looks at you...I'd be fighting like hell to hold onto him." "Well, you're...you." "Mer, anyone with half a brain would be holding on to that." "Are you saying I'm stupid?" "Yes. If you keep putting Derek and you through this just because of your mom and dad did and because you're scared...then yes, stupid." "It has nothing to do with my mom and Thatcher. And I thought we were dropping this." "We were but now I'm angry." "Okay, but we're dropping this." "Fine. But no man should have to look that devastated...ever." "He's fine, Lexie," Meredith sighed. "He'll be fine." "No, he won't. He's not even interested in being fine." "We really, really are done talking about this," Meredith said through clenched teeth as Hannah unwrapped her presents." "Okay...whatever. And for the record...just because the beginning of your life was hell, it doesn't mean the rest of it has to be." "I get it, Lexie. Drop it." "For now." "No, forever," Meredith turned to her sister. "We're done. It's over. I ended it. And that's it. We're dropping it forever because there is nothing left to say." "There's a lot more to say." "Lexie..." Meredith groaned. "Mer...I just want you to take a shot at being happy for once. Really happy." "I'll be happy once we're done talking about this and once he stops staring at me," she sighed. "Sure you will," Lexie rolled her eyes. "Just...he needs to leave me alone or something. That's all. We don't...we're over. Or the thing is over. Or whatever. Over. It's over." "Saying it a lot doesn't make it anymore true." "It is true." "No, it's not." "Lexie!" Meredith grabbed Lexie's arm and dragged her out of the room, ignoring Derek's concerned frown. "Derek and I...we're done. We're finished. Whatever...it's over. Because he deserves more. And I'm not ready for more. So it's over." "And when the hell are you going to start caring about what you deserve?" "What is it with you two and what I deserve? How do either of you even know what I deserve? You're the daughter my father chose over me who has only just gotten involved in my life and he's my boss. I know what I deserve. I know. So stop thinking you know what I deserve." "Mer...we just want you to be happy." "Then leave me alone. I'm happy. I'm fine. It's...it's whatever. I'm fine." "Fine." "Fine." "You might regret this one day." "I won't." "You say that now." "Lexie..." "I know, I know, letting it drop," Lexie sighed. "Just don't expect Derek to be over this in a week or two." "He'll be okay," Meredith sighed. "Now go back in there." "Fine," Lexie groaned. "Fine. Go." "Going," Lexie nodded, heading back toward the living room. Meredith sighed as she leaned against the wall, wiping tears off her cheek quickly as she took a few deep breaths. She hadn't meant to do this. She hadn't meant for it to get this far. It had never been her plan. And now Derek was hurting and she couldn't breathe and...she hadn't meant for this to happen. He would be okay, he had to be okay. They would both be okay. and if I hurt you then I'm sorry please don't think that this was easy Disclaimer: It's actually probably a good thing we don't own Grey's Anatomy. Because it would be more Meredith and Derek then it would be anyone else. We'd do things like this...take a teeny scene and make it big. Meredith was pretty certain things couldn't get any worse. It wasn't the first time in her life she had thought that but she was pretty damn certain she was right this time. The stupid chest pains that were supposed to be fading with time definitely weren't going away. And Derek was still walking around, watching her carefully, pain etched in her eyes. And now she had to kill her patient. She was pretty sure that, as a doctor, she had taken an oath not to kill people. She was pretty sure that was a really big deal in the medical community. Don't kill patients. Except the nurses were on strike and the temp nurses or nursing students or whatever had lost charts and Meredith had just intubated a patient that was DNR. Which mean killing the patient. Things definitely couldn't get any worse. She wasn't even sure how she was supposed to do it. She knew medically how to do it...turn off machines, take out tubes, easy stuff. But how was she actually supposed to kill someone? It just seemed wrong. And she couldn't talk to Cristina about it, she'd miss the problem. And Izzie would be too...Izzie. She definitely couldn't talk to Derek. He'd be entirely too McDreamy about everything. So she was entirely alone in this. Chief Webber was going to be there but things were...he wasn't someone she could talk to. Nor would she want to. She had to figure out how to kill an old woman and be okay with that. She figured everyone had to do this at some point, it was apart of being a doctor, but she had no idea how to do it. Especially today. Today was not a good day to kill old ladies. And this woman had all these people around, people who apparently wanted to be there when she died to say goodbye and to just be there, people who seemed entirely okay with the idea of her dying because she wouldn't be alone. She'd have them and apparently she had some amazing husband waiting on the other side for here. If there was another side of whatever. She just wanted to crawl back into bed and pretend today had never happened. Or the past two weeks. Because Derek was still hurting and Lexie wasn't returning her calls and her mom...her mom was her mom. She never should have visited her that morning. This would be much easier if she didn't have to go visit her mother in a nursing home and sign papers and know things. The knowing things part would definitely be easier to live without. And the Derek still hurting part. He wasn't supposed to be hurting anymore. Derek was a happy guy, he was a strangely probably too happy guy who was flirty and funny and happy. For the past two weeks he had been some strange shadow of that guy who walked around the hospital pretending to smile and it was killing her. And apparently everyone knew something was wrong. Izzie had even asked her. Because apparently Derek was snippy in the OR. Apparently he wasn't happy at all. Apparently even though he tried to smile, he looked exhausted and completely devastated. People knew something was wrong. And with the way people had been looking at her, they knew it was because of her. There wasn't anything she could do. Aside from going back to him, giving them a shot, there was nothing she could to make him feel better. And she was pretty certain he wouldn't just accept sex only at this point. She was pretty sure that bridge had been crossed and there was no going back to that place. He wanted more, he wanted everything. And she couldn't do that. So things definitely couldn't get any worse. Things were definitely at their worst and she had no idea how to fix any of them. She couldn't fix her mom, she couldn't fix Derek, she couldn't fix Lexie being mad or whatever. Her life was crap. Right now, she was the president of people with crappy lives or something. And she just wanted it all to stop. And now she had to go end someone's life. She had signed onto this job because she figured saving lives would be nice. It was her job to save lives even when she felt like she couldn't save her own. And she loved her job. But now she had to do the opposite and let a woman die, because apparently that's what she wanted. That's what her friends and family wanted. She stood outside the patient's room, watching as her friends and family waited for her to go in there and end her life. It could take hours. People didn't die immediately when you took out the tube and turned off the machines. It could take hours. She hoped they got that. She hoped they didn't think it was going to be fast. Because people didn't die fast, things didn't go away fast, even if you wanted them to. It was done. It was finally done. Her patient was dead after three hours of being off the machines and she...she needed to breathe. She just needed to breathe. Because somehow it wasn't working right now, her lungs weren't working. Nothing was working. She needed to be alone and she needed to breathe. It was done. Entirely done. And everything felt like it was swimming around her. Everything was swimming and she was shaking and she...she couldn't breathe. Something was wrong and she couldn't breathe. She needed to breathe. She needed to be alone and she needed to breathe. But there were people everywhere and she just...she needed to breathe. She couldn't...she needed to and there were people and she just needed somewhere to breathe. A door caught her eye, supply closet. A supply closet would be perfect. She could be alone, alone to start breathing and feeling again, because it was too much. Everything was too much and everything was swimming around in her head. Her fingers felt numb, her head felt like it was floating and all she needed to do was sit down and breathe again. If she could. She had to. She fell onto the floor as she closed the door behind her, trying to breathe. Trying to...trying to be okay. Because she felt...she felt the same way the patient had probably felt. Like she was dying. She couldn't breathe and...and everything was wrong. Breathing. She had to breathe. Except she couldn't. Because her patient was dead. And her mom...she...she needed to breathe. "Meredith?" a quiet voice came from the doorway. There was someone there. Someone...she didn't want someone and then he was sitting down next to her, fear and concern on his features and she finally opened her mouth, finally cried as she tried to breathe. "I...I...I don't want my mother to die alone." "Oh.." he murmured. And suddenly he was gone again, or he wasn't, his legs remained. But his face was gone. And then there was a paper bag in her hands. "Breathe into that." "I...I...can't," she sobbed, her breath catching with each word. Breathe. She needed to breathe. "You can," he nodded, his hand moving to rub her back gently. "Just breathe into the bag. It will help." She grasped the bag in her hand and tried to breathe into it, listening as he murmured to her gently, trying her hardest to breathe. She moved her other hand to grasp his, to try to make sure he was there, that he wasn't going to swim like everything else. And then he was squeezing her hand tightly, still murmuring to her. Still telling her to breathe slowly. She couldn't make out the words. She knew what he was saying but it was all garbeled in her head. But his tone was steady and calm and something else entirely that she couldn't think about when her head was swimming and she still couldn't breathe. But she could feel his hand gripping hers tightly and she let her head fall onto his shoulder, hoping something would help. She felt his head fall against hers as he hugged her tightly, rocking her slightly as her breathing started to calm down. And she stopped shaking. She was...she was getting okay. She was going to be okay. She didn't feel like she was dying anymore but...she didn't want to move. She didn't want to move because there was something...she had never felt more safe than she did in that second. "It's okay," he murmured, his voice coming into focus as he rubbed her back. "I'm okay now," she whispered, cuddling even closer to him. Because letting go...she couldn't. She couldn't let go of him. "Good," he breathed, hugging her tighter. "I'm here." "You're here," she echoed as her chest stopped heaving. "I am," he nodded. She sat with him in silence, her hand still squeezing his tightly as he rocked her ever so gently. She felt his lips press against her head and she just leaned closer to him, letting the paper bag fall onto the floor as he held her. He was here. He was here and she was...she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure what this was. She just knew she suddenly felt entirely okay. "Want to talk about it?" he asked quietly. "I...I killed a patient." "You killed a patient?" he frowned. "I...yesterday the nurses...or the temp nurses and I...she wasn't breathing so I...and she was DNR." "Oh..." he murmured. "You...took her off life support." "Yeah," she sobbed slightly, burying her face in his shoulder. "Oh...Mer...I'm sorry. I...I can't actually imagine how hard that would be." "You haven't...I mean...I thought..." "I...not like that," he shook his head. "Oh..." she breathed, choking back more tears as his arm tightened around her. "My mom..." "Your mom?" "She...she wouldn't have people. Not...I'd be...she..." "She...she'll have you," he sighed. "You don't know that," she whispered. "I do," he nodded firmly. "Even if you're not there in person, you'll be there." "I...maybe," she sighed, cuddling closer to him, suddenly aware that there wasn't any further to cuddle, she was practically in his lap. "You will be," he breathed. "She's not alone, she has you." "Yeah," she breathed, nuzzling his neck as she tried to fight back more tears. "You're not alone either," he murmured. "You're here," she sighed, moving her head to look up at him. "You're here." "I'm here. I'm staying." "Good," she nodded without thinking. Good. It was good. It was good he was staying. Because letting go of him right now...letting go and walking out of this supply closet seemed impossible. "Good," he smiled slightly. She looked up at him again, at the way his eyes were shining with tears and happiness and concern. And then the words came. All of the words came tumbling out of her mouth stupidly and word vomit...she couldn't stop them. "I miss you," she managed. "I miss you and I...I miss you." "Oh..." he whispered, a wide smile spreading across his face. "I miss you too." "And I...would you...don't leave." She had no idea where it had come from. None at all. Because they were supposed to be done. Except them being done...the pain surged in her and tears jumped back into her eyes and she..."Don't leave." "I'm not," he shook his head, squeezing her tightly. "Don't cry, Mer. I'm here and I'm not leaving. I promise." "Okay," she breathed, squeezing his hand. "Okay." "We'll be okay," he murmured. "We'll be okay," she echoed, actually believing it. They'd be okay. He was here and they'd be okay. "And we can stay here for a bit," he nodded. "Okay," she whispered, resting her head back against his shoulder as he rubbed gentle circles into her shoulder with his thumb. "You scared me." "I scared you?" "I saw you come in here and I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what." "And it scared you?" "Yeah," he nodded. "Irrational I know, but it did." "I just...I couldn't breathe," she whispered. "I wanted to breathe." "Panic attack," he sighed. "Your breathing now, right?" "I'm breathing now." "Good." "Thank you." "For what?" "You didn't...you didn't have to sit with me. Or come in or...thank you." "Don't," he shook his head. "I didn't...I don't want thanks. Just...you breathing. I did what...I wanted to sit with you." "I'm glad you did," she whispered, her free hand letting go of the paper bag and moving to rest on his chest. "So am I," he nodded. "You probably have surgeries or...something." "No, I'm good here." "Okay," she nodded. "That's...me too. Good. Here." "Good," he smiled. "Till one of us gets paged." "Or our asses go numb," she giggled slightly. "I'm good with a numb ass." "You're insane." "Maybe." "No, you're definitely insane." "And you missed me." "I did," she whispered. "So I'm good with insane." "Derek, I...this..." "Don't," he shook his head. "We don't have to talk right now." "I...okay," she smiled slightly and then pulled back again, looking up at him for a minute. "What?" "I..." she took a deep breath and then pushed her lips to his. Not passionately. Not in a "I want to sex you" way. Just...kissed him. Because she wanted to. Because she needed to. And because it felt right. "Oh Mer..." he whispered, against her lips. "Hmmm..." She pulled away from him before he could deepen the kiss and rested her head against his shoulder again, not saying a word as she squeezed his hand tightly and let herself relax for the first time in two weeks. Because she was going to be okay. Because they were going to be okay. Somehow, they were going to make it. I've been counting on nothing But he keeps giving me his word And I am tired of hearing myself speak Disclaimer: Ummm...we don't own the show. Because the people that own the show...they could possibly be gods if tomorrow goes as well as it could. Like...really amazingly gods. And we aren't. We're just. Although if we did own the show, god, you'd see those 48 hours. Derek turned the page of the medical journal he was reading as he stabbed his fork into his salad, wondering what exactly he was supposed to be reading. He had a feeling he was supposed to know, had a feeling it was actually an article he was supposed to be reading in preparation for his next surgery. But he couldn't actually concentrate. He hadn't been able to concentrate on anything for the past twenty-four hours. After the kiss they had fallen into silence eventually, curled up in each other's arms, completely comfortable and completely together. And then her pager had gone of and she had just walked away like absolutely nothing had happened. And she hadn't talked to himself. He was happy. At least he thought he was happy. He was confused and possibly happy. He wasn't actually sure. He had a feeling he was supposed to be happy. He had been happy when she had gotten up. He had been happy before that when she had kissed him gently. It was probably the first time she had ever kissed him like that, like she wanted to be with him, not like she wanted him in a sexual way. But now he was confused. He just wasn't sure exactly what was happening now. They had to talk. He hadn't minded not talking about it yesterday. She had freaked out and she had obviously just needed him to be there. Talked wasn't needed. But today they had to talk. They definitely had to talk. But she didn't usually respond all that well when he tried to get her to talk about them. So he wasn't sure what to do at this point. He knew he wanted to figure it out, but that was it. He had made the mistake before thinking things were going to be different. Of course, they had ended that. They had ended the sexy only thing and then she had told him she missed him. She had told him she missed him and then she had stayed cuddled in his arms, their hands entwined until her pager had gone off. It wasn't a mistake to assume things were going to be different this time. He just wasn't sure how different and how he was going to broach the subject. He loved her. He had sat with her for he had no idea how long and all he could think was how much he loved her and how much he wanted to be with her. But he wasn't stupid. He couldn't actually start the conversation with that kind of declaration. He needed something more subtle or something. He groaned as he turned the page back over, staring at the words. He had to figure this out. There had to be someway he could tell her, someway they could talk and figure out exactly what was going on. He loved her, he wanted to be with her. And he had a feeling she wanted to be with him too. People didn't sit for hours on supply closet floors if they didn't want to be together. That had to have been a step. He didn't actually know that much past that but he knew that had to actually mean something. They had sat, and said nothing, just been together. And it had felt so damn amazingly good. They just had to talk or kiss again, kissing would definitely be good. Kissing would help. Talking and kissing or something. He just needed this to work. "Hey," he heard her voice, jumping slightly when her tray fell on the table. "Hey," he smiled and then frowned. "What?" she asked as she sit down next to him. "What are you doing?" "Eating," she shrugged, reaching for a tomato off his salad. "Not that I'm complaining...but we don't eat lunch together," he pointed out. "Oh," she popped the tomato in her mouth. "We're eating lunch together. A casual lunch. Between two people casually." "Casual lunch." "Casual lunch." "Okay," he nodded, grabbing for one of her fries. "You're eating my fries," she giggled. "You ate my tomato," he laughed. "But you don't like fries." "I like your fries," he shrugged. "And how do you know I don't like fries?" "You're a health nut," she shrugged. "And I have a fi..six year old. I can eat the occasional french fry." "You almost called her five," Meredith laughed. "I bet that makes her angry." "I called her five last night when I was tucking her in and got a good fifteen minute lecture on how she is now six and how much older it is." "That sounds like her." "She's...too smart and too spoiled." "And whose fault is that?" "Probably mine." "Probably." "Of course you're so good at saying no to her." "I can say no to her." "Really?" he raised an eyebrow. "Yes. She asked me to the dinner with your family....I said no." "Good, that would be...you're not...meeting them." "Defintiely not," Meredith shook her head quickly. "But you say yes to everything else." "I haven't known her that long. I'm learning." "Sure sure," he laughed. "I am," she giggled, grabbing another tomato off his salad. "Those are my tomatoes," he frowned. "You can have another french fry." "Good," he smiled, grabbing it. "Having a better day?" "Much," she sighed. "How is your day?" "Great..." he grinned. "Good," she smiled. "I...I talked to Bailey." "About?" "Us. Well, us in the sense of service. Not us us. Like us working together. Not us eating casual lunch or anything. Which it is. A casual lunch. But I talked to Bailey. About...stuff." "About being back on neuro?" "Yeah." "What did she say?" "I uh...if you want me...tomorrow." "I uh...if you want me...tomorrow." "Tomorrow's perfect," Derek grinned. "I'd love to have you back." "Getting tired of working with the other interns?" "Yeah," he sighed. "They're not as good as you." "I...thanks," she smiled slightly. "So tomorrow?" "Definitely tomorrow," he nodded. "I'll try to even get us a good case." "Because you have such crap cases usually." "Well if you want to scrub in on a bunch of routine craniotomies I can arrange that." "You wouldn't dare," she giggled. "I could so do it," he smirked. "But you wouldn't." "It could be fun." "Routine craniotomies are fun?" "You annoyed is fun, at least for me." "You're an ass." "And yet you want to work with me." "I could change my mind." "You wouldn't." "But I could." "And you won't," he laughed, grabbing another fry. "You love working with me." "That's the third french fry and you're out of tomatoes." "Take a crouton or something," he shrugged. "Croutons are good," she giggled, taking a crouton and popping it into her mouth. "And I only love working with you on good cases." "Which is why I said I'll try to get us one." "Definitely a good case tomorrow." "Are you going to be completely mine? Or normal rotation?" "Completely yours," she breathed. "Completely mine," he nodded. "Yours all day. Until...well..until I can't anymore. But yours all day." "I like when you're mine." he murmured. "Der," her hand froze above her food. "Yeah?" "Nothing...just...casual lunch. That's all...casual lunch." "Casual, I know," he nodded. "Good. Casual lunch. That's it." "And you eating all my tomatos." "You ate my french fries." "You ate my tomatoes first." "I ate two tomatoes." "I only had two tomatoes." "I'll buy you more tomatoes," she rolled her eyes. "Will you?" he smiled. "If that's what you want." "That would be nice," he nodded. "Seriously?" "Seriously." "That's a little...sad." "What's sad?" "The fact that you want me to go buy you two grape tomatoes." "Well you don't have to do it right now," he sighed. "We could do this again and you can pay me back." "Do what again? Eat each other's food?" "That...and a lunch date." "Okay," she took a deep breath. "Lunch date...it's not a lunch date. This...this was not a lunch date. It was...casual lunch. We had a casual lunch together and if we do it again it will be a casual lunch again because it's not a date. It's not a lunch date. It's a casual lunch. A lunch where two people eat casually. That's all this is. And that's all it would be again." "Fine," he sighed. "We can have a casual lunch again." "Yes. Tomorrow." "Tomorrow?" "Tomorrow. And maybe the day after." "Seriously?" "I...if you don't want to...I mean it's a casual lunch and...if you don't want to." "Mer...I want to." "You want to?" "Definitely." "Okay," she smiled, shrugging slightly. "Okay," he nodded, smiling back at her. "So tomorrow...casual lunch." "And the next day." "And...maybe more." "More would be nice." "More would be nice," she smiled widely. "Yeah." "Yeah," she breathed, looking around a little before leaning forward and capturing his lips quickly before pulling away. "Hmmm..." he smiled. "I like casual lunches." "Me too." "Good," he nodded as his pager went off. "Crap." "Crap?" she sighed, reaching for another crouton. "I'm needed in the pit," he sighed. "And I'm not even done my salad." "Crap," she groaned. "Sorry," he frowned. "It's fine," she sighed. "Go save lives." "I will," he nodded. "Mer?" "Yeah?" "Can I buy you a casual coffee tomorrow?" "A casual coffee?" "Yeah...we'll have an early day and you're an intern. Just a coffee. Casual, very casual." "Okay," she smiled, blushing slightly. "Casual coffee. And then casual lunch.' "Casual coffee and casual lunch." "Good," she smiled and then looked up at him as he stood. "Derek?" "Yeah?" "Can I...can I kiss you? Casually?" "Oh...definitely. Casually." "Very casually," she smiled, standing and pressing her lips against his quickly. "Go save lives." "Going," he smiled, reaching to squeeze her hand briefly. "This was nice." "It was. Casually, very nice." "I'll see you later." "Bye, Der," she squeezed his hand before letting it go and turning back to her food. Derek smiled briefly at her and turned away and left, still smiling. They hadn't talked. Because apparently this time they didn't need to, or maybe they did but not now. Because something had definitely changed, something entirely huge. There weren't rules this time, there weren't any lines. Just the word casual thrown in every now and then to keep things light. He could do light. Pull back the shield between us, and I'll kiss you, Drop your defenses and come, into my arms. I'm all for believing, I'm all for believing. Disclaimer: IF Meredith and Derek actually go to wine country for the weekend and we see a minute of it, and everything goes well…we will gladly admit that we don’t own the show and that Shonda rocks. Meredith's shift was done and she wasn't tired. She wasn't feeling tired at all. Actually she wasn't feeling much else but perfectly happy. And well rested, because sharing a bed to nap in with Derek always managed to make her feel more rested than napping alone did. Not that they talked about that fact, talking about that wasn't casual at all. But still, she loved sharing his tiny on call bed. It was all very casual. Two weeks of casual lunch dates, of casual coffee, casual kissing, and now casual napping. She had lost track of how many times she had told him it was completely casual, and he would just grin and agree it was casual. Which it was. They were casually doing a lot of things, and she was pretty sure she had never been happier. She had been happy during the sex. She had definitely been loving that but there had been something about it that felt wrong, that felt like she was hurting Derek and not being fair to him that kept her from being this happy. But now he was happy. He didn't stop smiling. He was actually walking around the hallways whistling. And she wanted to too. It was all perfect. The past two weeks had been beyond perfect. She liked this casual thing. And he liked this casual thing. And the casual thing was completely working for them. She kept expecting him to ask questions but he didn't and that was fine. Because she really had no idea what to tell him. Right now, this was working. They were casual. And casual them was better than no them. She knew they'd figure it out eventually. She had no idea why she knew that because usually she was the last person to figure things out and definitely the last person to want to figure things out. But they were different and things would be figured out. Right now they were happy. The eating lunch in the cafeteria and drinking coffee together and sharing the most chaste kisses she had ever had was good. She tried not to smile too widely as she let herself into Lexie's apartment. Smiling too much would give everything away. She would know. Lexie would know there was casual stuff and she'd ask questions and well...Meredith liked the casual stuff. She liked it a lot. "Lex?" "Mer? Is that you?" Lexie's voice came from the kitchen. "Yep," Meredith walked back towards the kitchen. "Just got off work and thought I'd come and see you." "Oh," Lexie nodded. "It's been a while.' "Yeah. Someone's been avoiding me," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I figured it was better than killing you," Lexie shrugged. "That's not very nice, Lexie," Meredith giggled slightly as she pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge. "You weren't being very nice." "I was nice." "I'm not sure Derek would agree with you." "I'm sure he would," Meredith giggled, biting her lip the second the sound escaped from her mouth. "Okay, I most definitely missed something," Lexie frowned. "What makes you think that?" "You're giggling about Derek. Last time I checked you were over and both of you were entirely miserable." "Well...this is why you should return phone calls," Meredith rolled her eyes. "What did I miss?" "Nothing really," Meredith shrugged and then grinned. "Lunch. Coffee. Kissing. On call room naps." "What? You and Derek are dating and you didn't tell me?" "No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "We're not...I mean...it's casual. All...really casual. Casual lunches and casual coffee and casual kisses and casual naps." "Casual?" "Casual." "What does that even mean?" "It means...casual. We...we aren't dating or in a relationship. We're just...casual." "And you're both good with this?" "Really good. Great. Perfect." "Derek too?" "Derek too," Meredith sighed, the smile returning to her face. "He whistles when he's really happy." "And I assume he's whistling." "It's kind of cheesy." "Well at least you're both happier now." "We are." "Where is it going?" "What?” "You're having casual everything which is fine for a bit but I'm guessing it's leading to something." "I...I don't know." "So still no talking." "Still no talking," Meredith shrugged. "Which is...it's fine." "It is?" Lexie asked. "How's the sex? Still five times a day?" "Oh um...we're not...I mean...we haven't...at all." "What?" "We're not...we're not having sex." "You...you two are the strangest people...ever." "What? Why?" Meredith frowned. "You yell at me for sex only and now we're not having sex because we're...I mean, we don't want sex casually. We did that and...I like having sex with him. He's great in bed. But...I just, we're not having sex.' "I'm not yelling. If you're both happy...that's great. But first...you do the sex only thing. And then you do the no sex and just casual dates. Why can't you just go somewhere in between and actually have a relationship with him?" "Because I'm not...I can't." "But you can do it if you tack the word casual in front of everything?" "Um...it's not a relationship. It's casual...whatever. Definitely not a relationship." "Meredith, it's not the word that makes it a relationship." "Eating lunch together does not equal a relationship. Neither does drinking coffee." "Are you having casual lunches with anyone else?" "What? No. That doesn't even...I mean, I eat lunch with him every day." "So neither of you are having casual lunches with anyone else. Are you taking casual naps with anyone else?" "No, of course not." "Is he?" "I...not that I know of." "How would you take it if he was?" "But he isn't." "Answer the question." "I...I don't know." "You'd be devastated," Lexie sighed. "Mer...this thing you're in....it's generally called a relationship." "It's not." "Why not?" "Because we're not...it's casual. We eat lunch together." "That doesn't actually mean it's not a relationship." "I'm not...I'm not ready for that. I can't do that." "You are doing it. Just forget about all the baggage and stuff and ask him out to dinner." "What? No. I can't ask him to dinner. That's...it's huge. And big and I definitely can't. That...we don't do things outside the hospital and that's really, really big and really outside the hospital and kind of goes against the whole casual thing. Which is working. Casual works. Casual is happy and bright and shiny and it works. Dinner...dinner might not. Dinner...it's big and huge." "Mer, breathe," Lexie rolled her eyes. "I'm not asking you to go spend a weekend in wine country with him, it's just a date." "A...a date." "Yes. You go eat food and talk and laugh. You're even allowed to drink alcohol to make it easier. What more...because of Hannah you get to avoid the awkward inviting him in thing." "Yeah but....I mean...we're casual, Lexie. And it works and...date could screw it up and I don't...what if it doesn't work?" "Than you'll know," Lexie sighed. "And what if it does?" "I...I don't know." "You two obviously really like each other or you wouldn't have been willing to go through the hell the last few months have been." "They weren't hell." "They weren't exactly heaven." "Sex five times a day isn't bad, Lex," Meredith sighed. "Were you as happy as you are now?" "Well...no." "Was he?" "Definitely not." "And he stuck around. He doesn't do sex only and he did it for you. He stuck by you after you ended it. He obviously really cares." "I know he does, Lexie," Meredith whispered, staring at her water bottle. "And you've broken every rule in your book for him. That has to mean something." "I haven't...what are you talking about?" "You have one night stands. You don't get involved with men who have kids. And you don't do casual lunches." "Yeah, I don't but...I mean," Meredith chewed on her lip. "Yeah, I really like him." "Than stop this nonsense and go on a date." "I...can I ask him? I mean, just...ask him?" "Yes, just ask him. He's going to say yes." "I know he is. We just...we don't date." "You can." "I guess..." Meredith sighed. "What could it possibly hurt?" "I don't know. I just...I don't know. We're supposed to be...casual and dates aren't casual." "They can be. And if they aren't...can you honestly say you don't want more than casual?" "I don't know if I do. I mean...I want to be with him. I do. He's...Derek and I want him." "Than what is holding you back?" "I could hurt him. I could...and the casual thing is working for us." "Mer...you said that about the sex thing. He has a pretty amazing daughter to think about. How long is casual going to work?" "I don't know. Maybe...dinner." "Dinner would be good," Lexie nodded. "And don't worry about hurting him so much, you can't live on what ifs." "So I ask him out to dinner...for a date." "Good," Lexie grinned. "And it just...it's a date. Casual date." "Casual dates are a good way to start." "Casual dinner date." "He'll be thrilled, Mer." "I know. I know he will be." "Ask." "Fine. I'll...I'll ask him tomorrow." "Good." "You're a pain in the ass sometimes," Meredith sighed, smiling slightly. "You'll thank me one day," Lexie smirked. "Yeah, yeah," Meredith waved her hand. "I'm guessing I'll have to share all the details and all that?" "Definitely," Lexie nodded. "I'll call you the second it's done." "Perfect." "And if it sucks...I blame you." "It definitely won't suck." "I hope not." "Do you actually think there's a chance of a night alone with Derek sucking?" "I...no." "Didn't think so." "I'll ask him tomorrow," she sighed, tearing the label off the water bottle. "Tomorrow...casual dinner. It...it will work." "It will. Ask him. Give this thing a chance to go wherever it ends up going." "I just...I don't know...what if I can't? Like really really can't?" "Why wouldn't you be able to?" "I don't know. I'm...me." "Derek likes that you're you." "Yeah," Meredith smiled. "He does." "When you freak out about things he just smiles. And when you ramble he can actually understand you and respond. He'll be fine with anything you throw at him." "He's kind of perfect." "He really is," Lexie groaned. "Jealous?" Meredith giggled. "A little." "Or a lot." "He's a great guy, Mer, I'm happy for you," Lexie smiled. "Thanks," Meredith sighed, smiling to herself. Casual dinner to add onto the casual lunches. Casual dinner date that would end in...well probably not sex since there was Hannah and all but...it would end in a good night kiss. Casual dating. She could do this. They had been doing this for two weeks, a casual dinner was still good. It was still okay. It was still perfect. Then I see you standing there Wanting more from me And all I can do is try



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:47 PM Post #13
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: Sigh It's Grey's Day. And there's a possibility that as long as it doesn't all blow up in our faces it could be the bestest Grey's day ever. If we owned the show it definitely would be. As you'd see every one of those forty eight hours. She could do this. It was easy. It was just asking him to dinner. A casual dinner. Easy, completely easy. She would ask him and he would say yes and that would...easy. Simple. Painless. Hopefully. She had never actually done this before. And she wasn't entirely sure why she had listened to Lexie about this. Lexie could be wrong. This could be hard and painful. This could be really bad. He was going to say yes, she knew Lexie was right about that. He'd definitely get all smiley and say yes and probably give her that stupid look that used to be against the rules but now there were no rules and he apparently loved giving it to her all the time. But he would definitely say yes. She wasn't worried about that part. Okay, maybe a little worried about it but not really. It was the after part. It was the part where they dressed up and went to a nice restaurant and talked and...well, talked. Because she wasn't going to wine country with him or anything, but well, this was kind of a big step. It was no sex and no crappy hospital food and...it was a date. Which was kind of a big deal and Derek would definitely ask what it meant. And she wasn't ready for that yet. She just wanted to eat dinner with him. She was ready for dinner, being entirely alone with him and really talking about things. Things that weren't them and weren't work, other things. And a casual kiss goodnight. She was ready for that stuff. But the rest of it, the talking about them, the possibility of being really together, she wasn't quite sure she was ready for that. But she was getting ahead of herself. Because she hadn't even asked yet. And maybe she had read everything all wrong and he just wanted a casual thing now after...well after everything. So he could say no. Even if she did call it a casual date, with casual kissing...he could say no. He probably wasn't going to say no, but he could and she wasn't sure why she was even doing this. She spotted him near the nurses desk looking basically kind of perfect. Which she assumed figured, she had to ask the man out on an entirely casual date so he had to look perfect today. He couldn't have an off day or something. Not that she had actually ever seen him have an off day but she assumed it was possible. It would probably be easier to ask him out on an off day. She had probably missed his off days. He probably had had an off days six years ago when Hannah was a baby. And none since. Just her luck. She had to like the perfect guy with no off days. It sucked. Well, it didn't suck. It was...well it was good. Perfect even. Of course, he was basically perfect and she was entirely imperfect and...she took a deep breath and started walking towards him. "Hey," he smiled as she reached his side, not even looking up from his chart to know that it was her. "Your casual coffee is right there." "Oh, um," she was having issues breathing. Floaty feelings. Letting out the deep breath would be good. "Wouldyouliketogoouttodinnertonight?" Okay...it had all come out on that deep breath. Which wasn't good. That definitely wasn't the way it was supposed to come out. "Would I...what?" he frowned. "Dinner. Date. Casual dinner. Except not really casual because Lexie says even casual dinners require dressing up or something. Which I mean, I guess. I don't really dress up a lot but apparently I would have to if we went out to a casual dinner date thing. Which, you don't have to say yes if you don't want to, you really don't. I just thought...casual dinner. Casual date. Casual. So yeah...dinner...tonight? Maybe?" "You're asking me on a date?" he asked, fully turning to her as he smiled widely. "Maybe. Yes," she nodded. "Casual date. With dressing up and food and...stuff. And yeah...I'm asking you...which means you can say no. If you want." "Dinner sounds perfect, Mer," he breathed. "So that's...yes?" she sighed. "For tonight?" "That is definitely a yes." "Oh," she smiled widely, blushing. "Okay. Dinner. Tonight." "Dinner tonight," he nodded. "Casual date...thing." "Casual," he smiled and then frowned. "I have to find a babysitter for Hannah." "Oh, I already talked to Mark. He's...he's watching her." "You talked to Mark?" "Yeah," Meredith looked down. "Is that...I mean...he was in the elevator and apparently I was all weird and shaky and he thought I was having a stroke or something so I asked him and he said yes and...yeah...that's okay?" "It's fine. I should probably call my mom to see if she can help...but it's good." "Sorry...I didn't...I mean, he was there and he's her uncle and he lives with you, which is kind of weird actually, but...and he didn't have a date or whatever he does tonight so I just...sorry. I should have asked you first." "Mer, stop freaking out," Derek laughed gently. "I love that you asked him. You thought of Hannah before even asking me...that's good." "That's...that's good?" "It is," he nodded. "You...understand my...complications. That's great." "Hannah's not a complication." "She's not," his grin widened. "So...tonight..." she sighed, looking away again. "Eight...ish?" "Eightish sounds good," he nodded. "And I think...I mean...dressing up and stuff. Lexie...we can't do a casual lunch today." "No casual lunch?" "Lexie's taking me shopping," Meredith winced slightly. "You're going shopping for something to wear on our date?" "Yes," she groaned. "Lexie's making me." "Have I told you I like Lexie? Because I do." "Because she's forcing me to go shopping for what to wear on our date tonight?” "Yes, that amongst other things," he grinned. "Well, once you get to know here she's kind of annoying and...I hate shopping. Really, really hate shopping." "But it's shopping for me." "Actually it's shopping for me. I'm wearing the dress." "You're wearing it for me." "I'm wearing it for our casual dinner date thing." "Exactly, ours," he grinned. "I'll stop and buy a new tie on the way home for you." "You're going to wear a tie?" she giggled. "Ties usually go with dressing up for a nice casual date." "But you...I mean, the mixer you...no tie. Red shirt." "Oh...so you liked the red shirt?" he grinned. "I did," she blushed. "I will definitely have to pull that one out again," he smiled. "But I'm going with a tie tonight." "Fine," she rolled her eyes. "Any preferences for a dress since I'm apparently wearing it for you?" "Something hot. And short." "Hot and short?" she grinned. "Definitely. I never get to see your legs anymore but I have fond memories." "You're a perv," she giggled, leaning forward to kiss him quickly. "Hmmm..." he smiled. "Tonight." "Tonight," she nodded, picking up her coffee. "I can't wait." "Me neither," she smiled. "I'm off at seven-thirty so...lobby at eight?" "Sounds good," he nodded. "Okay," she smiled widely again. "Tonight. Eight." "Tonight. Eight." "Okay." "Okay." "So...I should...rounds and...stuff...." "Yeah, I have patients to check on," he nodded. "Okay," she nodded. "I'll see you tonight." "Tonight," he grinned, kissing her quickly. "Bye, Der," she giggled, starting to back away from him. "Bye, Mer," he smiled gently. "Bye," she smiled, turning on her heel and walking away, a completely huge and ridiculous smile on her face. Tonight. Eight. She was having a casual dinner date with Derek. And she had never felt better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Derek smiled widely as he pulled his car into a parking spot at the restaurant, listening to Meredith ramble about the patient she had had today. She had been doing it since he had found her in the foyer and told her how beautiful she looked. She hadn't actually stopped rambling. But that was fine. They were on an actual date, a real date, she was allowed to ramble a little. "We're here," he cut in. "Oh," she stopped in the middle of her ramble. "We're here. Here here. Restaurant here. Of course we'd be at a restaurant, where else would we be? Unless you were taking me where no one could hear me scream...not that you would do that. I mean...you're not an axe murderer, you're McDreamy. Which...I didn' t just say that and...we're here." "God, you're cute tonight," he laughed gently. "I wasn't really going for cute." "I already told you you look damn sexy," he laughed, leaning over to kiss her cheek. "Stay there, I'll get your door." "You're a gentleman," she nodded slowly. "I am," he smiled, jumping out of the car and going to open her side. "There you go, my lady." "Seriously?" she raised an eyebrow. "Seriously," he grinned. "I may have to reconsider this date thing if you're going to be completely cheesy," she smiled, taking his hand as she got out of the car. "You wouldn't," he sighed, squeezing her hand. "Probably not," she sighed happily. "Good," he smiled, kissing her quickly. "Come on, let's go inside." "Definitely inside," she nodded, giggling slightly when he held the door open for her. "Stop giggling at me," he laughed. "Has no one ever held a door open for you?" "No. Definitely not." "That's just...sad. And it means you're going to have to get used to this." "Oh really?" "Definitely," he nodded. "I'll do my best," she sighed dramatically, leaning closer to him as he spoke to the hostess. "Good," he nodded, as the hostess grabbed two menus and Derek grabbed her hand tightly, leading her to their table. She giggled again when he held out her chair for her but sat down quickly, her cheeks a beautiful pink color as he sat down across from her. "I still say you take off the tie." "I went out on my lunch and bought this tie just for tonight, I'm not taking it off." "But you're all...buttoned up. And you have a jacket. Jacket and shirt...it works." "And so does a tie." "I just never pegged you as the tie kind of guy." "Well...I'm not actually the tie kind of guy," he laughed gently. "So again...take off the tie." "But we're on a nice date." "Nice casual date," she corrected. "This doesn't feel very casual." "It's casual." "Mer..." Derek sighed, squeezing her hand. "What?" she sighed, suddenly looking down at the napkin on her lap. "I don't want this to be casual." "I know," she whispered. "I don't want to rush this," he sighed. "Not at all but...this isn't casual at all for me." "Der..." she sighed. "Mer, I know you need time. I know even this is a big deal for you. I know. But...you have to know what I want." "I thought we were good with the casual." "I'm good with whatever you want. If you're...if this is too much I'll back off. And I'm not...we can stay casual, this...we can't rush into this. But...I won't be good with casual forever." "That's what Lexie said." "Mer...what do you want? Regardless of what you're afraid of and all that...what do you want?" "I...I don't know yet." "You don't?" "No. I...I want to...you. And...but I don't know. I don't know what this is and I...casual is good. Casual is...it works and I...I don't know." "Mer...saying the word casual doesn't actually make it casual. I can keep saying it if you want...but it won't change the fact that there's nothing casual about this for me." "You and Lexie have been talking, haven't you?" "We haven't," he laughed softly. "Derek, I want to be with you," she said quietly. "I do. The couple of weeks we were over were...but I want to be with you. I just...I don't know how and I don't...I'm not ready for the big and scary stuff yet." "I'm not asking for the big and scary stuff," he shook his head. "I'm just asking you to consider that this could be leading to the big and scary stuff. But taking it slow...that's good. I want to take it slow." "You do?" "Definitely," he nodded. "I know where I want this to go...but...I have Hannah to consider and you...I don't want to just jump into this." "Hannah means really slow?" "She does." "I love that little girl," Meredith giggled slightly. "I know you do," he laughed softly. "I'm not asking for much, Mer, just you...and you knowing this isn't casual." "I...it isn't casual for...but right now...right now can't it be casual?" "No, it can't," he shook his head. "Slow, we can take it slow, one date at a time and...we don't even have to talk. But this isn't casual. Casual doesn't feel like this." "Oh," she breathed, fiddling with her napkin. "I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm not even asking you to be my girlfriend. I just...I want you to really give this a shot.' "I don't know how, Derek.' "That's the beauty of taking it slow, Mer. You can figure it out, we both can." "You already know how. You're good at this." "No, I'm not," he shook his head. "I haven't really done this in the past six years. I'm flying blind too." "You haven't dated at all in six years?" "I've dated. Just...nothing like this." "Oh." "Even before then...never anything like this." "Der..." "This is horrible talk for a first date, I know," he laughed nervously. "It kind of is," she sighed. "Sorry," he sighed. "I...sorry." "No," she shook her head, squeezing his hand. "No. I...you're right." "I am?" "You are. You and Lexie...I...this is big and scary and I just...I need time. I need to figure it out." "You have all the time you need, Mer. I'm in this and I can wait." "Okay," she whispered. "And I...I'm in this too. I just...I don't know how yet." "We'll figure it out." "We will." "Together." "Together," she nodded. "And it's not casual but...can I...I mean, casual date. Casual dinner. Where I casually pay and you casually kiss me good night." "You're not paying," he frowned. "I asked you, I pay." "I'm the man, I'm paying." "So it's a man thing?" "Yes." "So if I told you I missed having sex with you because you're amazing in bed, would that make you feel like a man and I could pay?" "You miss having sex with me?" "Yes." "I miss it too. I'm still paying though." "Seriously?" "Seriously. I'm not letting you pay." "Can I pay next time?" "Next time," he nodded slowly, smiling widely. "We'll see." "Fine," she sighed. "Now I have an actual question for you." "What?" "Do you ever have an off day?" "An off day?" "I mean...you're...you," she sighed dramatically. "You with the perfect hair and the perfect smile and the McDreaminess and...don't you ever have a bad hair day? Or just an off day? Where you're not stupid perfect and just...human?" "Oh...no, I don't think so," he shook his head. "Do you have off days?" "Of course I do. All the time." "Really? Because I've seen you almost every day for the last few months...and I'm yet to witness one." "That's because you're apparently on glue or something," she rolled her eyes. "And seriously...even when Hannah was a baby...and you were up all night...no off days?" "When Hannah was a baby I was too tired to actually notice if I looked good or not." "So you probably had off days." "Probably not. Looking this good comes pretty naturally." "You, Derek Shepherd, are the most cocky, arrogant person in the world." "With good reason to be," he laughed, squeezing her hand. "I hope some of it rubs off on you." "What? The no off days? Or the cocky arrogance?" "You already don't have off days. So yes, the cocky arrogance." "I have off days. And I don't see how this could work if we were both cocky and arrogant." "It will work," he nodded. "And you don't. You look amazingly beautiful every day." "I didn't realize you were a liar on top of cocky and arrogant." "You don't think your beautiful?" he frowned. "Not every day." "To me you are." "Cheesy." "True." "Entirely cheesy." "Entirely honest." "I think you need to lay off Hannah's school supplies, namely the markers and the glue." "If we weren't taking this slow I'd be dragging you out of here right now so I could take you somewhere to show you how beautiful you are." "You're awful. And sex...sex can be part of slow." "It can be?" "I think so." "Good," he smiled. "But not tonight." "Not tonight?" "I am not sleeping with you on our first date." "You do realize we've been having sex for the past few months? Basically non stop?' "Yes. And we're not having it tonight." "I had a feeling," she sighed. "A feeling?" "No sex tonight. I wasn't expecting it." "You weren't?" "No." "Why not?" "Um...Hannah. I...I mean, you can't sleep over and that would be...I mean, I'm guessing you don't take women home. Ever." "Not as a rule," he sighed. "And that might be...it would be awkward." "A little yes. I love my daughter...but she does raise complications when it comes to this kind of thing." "So no sleepovers?" she asked. "I mean...not at your house or....my house or...I don't...I mean, the hospital, I guess." "For now," he nodded. "Sorry." "No, it's...it's fine. I get it. It's fine." "It won't be like this forever. Once things are...steadier between us...I will take you home." "Steadier?" "In a relationship, a real one." "Oh," she nodded quickly, taking her hand from his as the waiter placed their salads in front of them. "A relationship. Yeah. Steadier." "I want to take you home," he sighed. "I know," she nodded. "I know. Relationship. Real relationship and...I know." "And this is officially the first time in six years I wish I didn't have a daughter," Derek groaned. "I'm a terrible dad." "That's...you are," she shook her head. "Really terrible dad." "Thanks, you were supposed to make me feel better." "Oh, sorry," she giggled. "You're the bestest dad in the whole wide world." "Except for I want to kick my daughter out so I can get some action." "That is pretty bad. She's six." "Horrible horrible father." "I can't think of anything to say to make you feel better about that. Because that's pretty bad." "Well it's your fault." "My fault?" "That dress is...distracting." "You said hot and short," she smiled, looking down at her short strapless black dress. "I know I did but that...wow." "Thank you," she blushed, her hair falling in her face. "You really are beautiful, Mer." "Thanks," she whispered. "You're...kind of...perfect." "I'm perfect?" "Kind of." "So are you. Kind of." "If I give in, do you promise to stop lying about that/" "No, because I'm not lying." "Fine, you're not lying." "You're really going to believe that one day." "Maybe." "You are." "Okay." "Mer..." he groaned slightly before leaning forward and kissing her hard. "What was that for?" she said breathlessly as he pulled back. "No reason," he shook his head. "Oh," she breathed, her face a nice shade of red. "Okay." "I'll be doing it again tonight too." "Good," she sighed, her hands shaking slightly as she took a bite of her salad. "Casual dinner...casual kissing...good." "Casual necking in the car later." "You're a casual tease, aren't you?" "No, I just really want to be touching you right now...casually." "Too bad we already ordered our food." "No," he shook his head. "I want to be touching you but I'm doing this right. We're on a date. Dates include eating." "So eating and then touching?" "Yes." "I like this dating thing." "I knew you would." "Is that how all dates will go? Food and touching?" "No," he shook his head. "Sometimes I'll change it up. Movies and touching. Walks and touching. Drinks and touching." "But always touching?" "Always touching." "Are you free Saturday?" "I can be." "Good." "What are we doing Saturday?" "Um...I don't know. Something and touching." "Sounds perfect." "It really does," she breathed, reaching for his hand again. "I'm having a great time," he whispered. "Even if it is the strangest first date ever." "I am too," she smiled, leaning forward and brushing her lips against his gently. "Hmmm..." he groaned happily. "We should eat," she whispered. "And have normal first date conversation." "That's probably a good idea," he nodded. "And then casual necking in the car." "Definitely," he smiled. "Der?" she said softly as she cut into her steak. "Yeah?" "I am glad I'm on a date with you." "So am I." in your eyes the resolution of all the fruitless searches in your eyes I see the light and the heat in your eyes oh, I want to be that complete Disclaimer: Grey's is on in like two hours. We're excited and nervous and mainly excited. But a tiny bit nervous. So yes, we're rambling. But if we owned the show we'd be quite meh about it all. Which we're not. Mark was looking at him strangely. He assumed it had something to do with the fact he was humming along with the music that was playing on the radio. He didn't generally hum along with music. But he was happy. Entirely, perfectly happy. Him and Meredith had shared a long goodbye kiss earlier at work and she had been smiley and giggly and now he was happy. Happier than he could actually remember being. They had now been on two official dates. Two dates and he couldn't imagine being any happier than he was right now. Except for maybe when Hannah was born. He seemed to remember being completely and totally happy then too...but there was something about Meredith that made him entirely unable to stop grinning like a complete moron. They ate lunch together every day. They took stolen moments in on call rooms to nap and kiss. They took it for granted that there'd be another date at some point. It was just all falling together. And it felt amazing, entirely amazing. Kissing her, holding her, grabbing her hand at random, everything felt damn amazing. He couldn't actually believe that things were finally going right for them. "Dude, what the hell is your problem?" Mark asked, turning the radio off. "You were just singing that Titanic song." "I don't know what you're talking about," Derek denied quickly. "You were just singing that crap Titanic song. And the big ass grin on your face. It's not healthy." "Actually smiling is entirely healthy. And I don't have a problem. Right now, I don't have one single problem." "Yeah, yeah. You and Grey are probably going at it like rabbits again." "Actually...we're not. Which might be a tiny problem but one that can be easily overlooked." "You and Grey aren't doing the horizontal salsa?" "We're not." "Then why the hell have I been babysitting?" Mark asked as he dried a dish. "We've been going on dates." "And dates don't usually lead to horizontal salsa?" "Not right now," Derek shook his head. "Kissing, they lead to a lot of kissing." "And this is why you're singing the crap Titanic song?" "I wasn't singing the Titanic song," Derek groaned. "Trust me, man, you were singing the Titanic song." "Well...I'm happy." "And I'm happy for you," Mark nodded. "But if you sing the Titanic song in my presence again, I'm kicking your ass, tying you to a chair, and making you drink shitloads of beer and accept lap dances from strippers." "I don't want lap dances from strippers," Derek frowned and then smiled. "I'd be happy with Mer giving me a lap dance." "God, I had forgotten you were like this in relationships." "Like what?" "Happy and annoying." "I'm not annoying and I'm not in a relationship." "You and Grey are dating, Shep. Everyone sees the two of your holding hands, everyone sees you kissing her goodbye. What the hell are you calling this if it's not a relationship?" "We're taking it slow. She needs time to adjust to this and because of Hannah I can't rush into one." "Last time I checked Han loved Meredith. Hell, she even said Meredith was nicer than me when I babysat Saturday. Thanks I get." "I know Hannah loves Mer...but introducing Mer into our lives as my girlfriend, that's different." “And Grey's still anti-relationships," Mark rolled his eyes. "I get it. But I thought I talked to her about this crap she's pulling." "You did what?" "Talked to her." "When did you talk to her?" "While back," Mark shrugged. "Just called her on her shit. Looks like it worked." "I should probably be pissed at you. I didn't ask you to do that." "I told her to figure it out, Shep," Mark groaned. "And now she's dating you." "Which is why I'm not yelling, but that could have blown up in your face," Derek sighed. "I'm Mark Sloan. Things don't blow up in my face." "Of course not," Derek rolled his eyes. "Don't push her, Mark. She's coming around." "If she was figuring it out, she'd get over this." "She is slowly. With the hand holding and kissing and dates. She's getting there," Derek smiled. "And you're singing the crap Titanic song." "I'm happy and I'm in love." "Which leads to you acting like a chick." "I'm not acting like a chick. I just said I want a lap dance from her." "Fine, a lesbian chick." "I don't see how wanting to be with Meredith makes me a chick." "Singing the Titanic song makes you a chick." "I wasn't singing it, and why the fuck were you listening to it in the first place?" "It came on the crap ass radio station you turned on because you wanted to listen to sappy romantic love songs," Mark countered. "It's the radio station it was on, I didn't want to listen to sappy romantic love songs." "You did. God, I should start calling you Derekina or something. That's what you get with four sisters." "I hate you, you know that?" "What kind of talk is that? I dropped my life to help you raise the rugrat upstairs." "Which I'm forever grateful for. And you can get back on with that life whenever you want." "I am. I'm looking at apartments." "I've heard that for about five years." "Yeah, well, I'm looking." "I hope so," Derek sighed. "You know I love you but Mer and I...you can't live here forever." "You think you're going to marry Grey?" "I want to, yeah." "I'm guessing she doesn't know that." "God no," Derek laughed. "She'd run for the hills." "Well, then I guess it's good I...it's good I'm looking." "It's good you're what?" "Looking, Shep. Pay attention." "You were going to say something else," Derek frowned. "I was not." "You were." "I'm looking for a place, that's all you need to know," Mark srhugged. "Gotta get out of here before you and Grey start going at it all night." "That's going to take a while," Derek sighed. "Then I know I have time," Mark smirked. "Or you could leave now," Derek shrugged. "Not that I don't appreciate what you did." "You would have been lost without me." "I know," Derek nodded. "And Hannah would miss me like crazy if I left." "I'm not asking you to move out of the city." "Still, going to be weird for her. Visiting Uncle Monkey and his hot...apartment." "What are you not telling me?" "No idea what you're talking about." "I'll find out eventually." "Shep, nothing to find out." "That's bullshit." "And why the hell are you calling BS on me?" "There's definitely something going on." "There's been something going on since July," Mark shrugged. "It's not a big deal." "What? July?" "Yeah. You met Grey in July. And I...things have been going on." "And apparently meeting Mer made me a bad friend. What's going on?" "Uncle Monkey's got a girlfriend," Hannah said as she came into the kitchen, holding her stuffed monkey close to her. "You...what?" "Thanks, Han," Mark groaned. "What is she talking about?" Derek demanded. "Uncle Monkey's got a girlfriend named Addison," Hannah smiled, the gap from her missing top front teeth showing predominantly. "She's real pwetty." "Addison? Montgomery?" Derek frowned. "Yeah, Montgomery," Mark sighed, shaking his head as he lifted Hannah up."I thought we agreed that was a secret, Hannah Banana." "Daddy was going to know anyway," Hannah shrugged. "Just like he's going to know all of the things you told me that I'm supposed to keep secret?" "You can't do that, Uncle Monkey!" Hannah gasped, her eyes wide. "But you told my secret." "He knew," Hannah groaned. "He was asking." "Yeah, but I wasn't going to tell him," Mark laughed, kissing her curls. "You were eventually going to tell me," Derek groaned. "I can't believe you're dating Montgomery." "Yeah, apparently she's not into the booty call thing," Mark sighed. "And we're...I guess we're serious." "You're serious?" "Yeah," Mark shrugged. "You're serious with one person?" "Yes, Shep. I'm serious with one person." "I never actually thought that would happen." "Yeah, me neither. Never got the whole monogamy thing." "Apparently you do now," Derek laughed. "And to think you were calling me a woman." "I'm not the one singing the crap Titanic song." "You were probably singing it in your head." "I don't sing crap Titanic songs in my head. I don't even know the words to the crap Titanic song." "Yeah, it's easy to claim that." "What's the crap Titanic song?" Hannah asked from Mark's arms. "You know crap is a bad word, Han," Derek sighed. "And it's just a song from a movie." "Uncle Monkey keeps saying it." "Well Uncle Monkey is crazy," Derek groaned. "And why aren't you in bed?" "Cause it's not bedtime yet." "I'm pretty sure I put you in bed, which makes it bed time." "Nope, not yet," Hannah shook her head. "And why not?" "Cause I'm a big girl now. So not til eight-thirty." "Oh really?" "Yep." "And because you're six now you get to make that decision?" "Yep," Hannah nodded. "Six is real big daddy. It's two hands now. And since it's two hands, that means I gotta go to bed later and eat lots more cookies and watch lots more TV and stuff. It's real big, bigger than ever. Big kids don't go to bed til eight-thirty." "I'm pretty sure I still get to be the daddy," Derek sighed. "Well...yeah. But now cause I'm six I make rules too." "You do?" "Yeah, Daddy. Everyone knows that. I'm a big girl now." "You are and that doesn't mean you get to make new rules." "Yeah it does." "I'm pretty sure we should probably talk about this." "I am talking," Hannah nodded. "No bed time til the the balleina clock says eight three zero." "Okay, tonight you can stay up," Derek frowned. "But tomorrow we're talking about this." "Okay," Hannah shrugged, scrambling out of Mark's arms and onto the counter, grabbing the cookie jar. "No cookies," Derek groaned. "But I gotta, Daddy, cause I'm..." "Six. I know. And you have a choice...you can have a cookie and go to bed now or not have a cookie and stay up." "You're mean, Daddy," Hannah sighed, putting the cookie jar down and crossing her arms. "Yeah, I am," Derek nodded. "And I'm your daddy so you can think that if you want." "Meanest daddy in the whole wide world." "Hannah, do you want to be put to bed?" "You said I can stay up." "And you can but if you're going to sit and pout and call me mean you can go to bed." "Fine," Hannah sighed. "Good," Derek nodded, hugging her quickly. "I have Sunday off, Han. Want to do something?" "Really?" she asked, a grin replacing the pout on her face. "Really," he smiled. "Whatever you want to do, I'm all yours." "No more dates?" "Definitely more dates," Derek smiled. "But not on Sunday." "Hmmm," Hannah nibbled on her lip. "Fishing?" "Fishing sounds good," Derek nodded. "Uncle Monkey, wanna come fishing?" Hannah grinned, turning to Mark. "Sunday? Can do," Mark nodded. "Yay!" Hannah clapped her hands. "But only me and you and Daddy. And Nanners." "Of course," Mark grinned. "And I'm gonna catched lots of fish!" "You are," Derek smiled. "How many days until Sunday, Daddy?" "Four days." "So that's four sleeps, right?" "It is," Derek nodded. "Then I gotta sleep right now." "You do?" "Yep. Then it's only three sleeps." "That's an excellent point," Derek nodded. "So I gotta sleep right now," she nodded quickly. "Daddy, get me down." "Do you need me to tuck you in again?" Derek asked as he picked her off the counter. "Yes, please," she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Okay," he grinned. "Let's get you in bed." "Night, Uncle Monkey," Hannah said as Derek carried her out of the kitchen. "Are you going to say in bed this time?" Derek asked, as he carried her up the stairs. "I pwomise." "Good," Derek smiled. "I'm sorry I called you the meanest daddy in the whole wide world," Hannah whispered. "I know you are," Derek smiled. "I know you didn't mean it." "You're the bestest," she nodded. "So are you," he grinned, laying her back down in bed. "Uncle Monkey says you're going on dates which is like sleepovers only without sleeping over," she sighed as she rolled onto her stomach. "I am," Derek nodded. "Is that okay?" "I guess," she shrugged, burying her face in the pillow. "You guess?" he frowned, running his finger through her hair. "Sometimes Uncle Monkey doesn't come home after dates with Addison." "I know he doesn't," Derek nodded. "But I always come home. And I always will. You'll always be my number one girl." "Good," she smiled as he pulled the blankets over her. "Things might change a bit but you don't have to worry about me not coming home. I promise." "What kinda things?" "Things that we will talk about when they come about," Derek sighed. "Good things." "Okay, Daddy," she yawned. "Love you mostest." "Love you mostest too," he grinned, kissing her cheek. "Love you mostest mostest." "Get some sleep so fishing comes fast." "Four sleeps." "Four sleeps," Derek nodded. "Night, Daddy," she whispered, her eyes already starting to fall shut. "Night Hannah Banana," Derek smiled. He sat by her for a few more minutes, rubbing her back until she was completely asleep. He could kill Mark for telling Hannah what dating was, he hadn't been ready to explain it quite yet, especially when he and Meredith were still so rocky. It was good rocky, but rocky all the same. It made sense why she was acting up a little. He had never really dated that she could probably remember. He knew they'd have to talk about it eventually. He wasn't crazy. He had always known that when him and Meredith really started to get serious they would have to talk to Hannah about what it meant. Because everything was going to change. Everything would be different when Meredith really started to get into this relationship life would be completely different.



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:49 PM Post #14
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: We loved Derek's speech, in a big big loving way. Mad love for Derek's speech. Of course if we owned the show he would have delivered it in Sonoma after 47 hours of sex...but well, we don't own it. "Oh, wow," Meredith breathed as he parked the car at the empty lot surrounded by forest. "Derek, this is...where...what is this?" "This is...mine," Derek smiled. "Or it would be if I actually bought it." "It's...amazing," she breathed as he got out of the car and opened the door for her. "I mean...it's...wow." "I know," he smiled widely as he went around and grabbed a cooler out of the back. "I love it here." "You bought it? Or you're going to buy it?" she asked, grabbing a blanket from the backseat and then taking his hand. "I don't know," he sighed, looking around slowly. "I found it years ago, right after I got my license in high school. And I always planned on getting a job out here, buying this land and building a house. But then...Hannah came." "And you didn't build because..." "I wanted to be closer to the city since it was just me and her...in case anything happened." "You didn't think Mark would be living with you this long?" Meredith laughed, following him towards the docks below. "I definitely didn't think he'd be living with me this long," Derek laughed. "A year...the deal was a year." "And it's been six." "Exactly." "It really is amazing, Der," she sighed, spreading the blanket out. "I mean it's...it's peaceful and quiet and...wow." "I'm glad you like it," he breathed. "You should definitely build out here," she nodded. "I mean...it's...and you love it and I bet Hannah...and it's just...you should build." "I might," he nodded. "I'll...see what happens." "Good," she smiled, sitting down on the blanket. "I'd have to get Mark out of my house first." "Why doesn't he just leave? I mean...is it because of Hannah?" "I don't know," Derek sighed, grabbing some stuff out of the cooler. "Sometimes I think it is, he's entirely attached to her. So...maybe. But usually I just think he's lazy and living with us is easier." "He's forty years old." "Physically...yes. Mentally he's about fifteen." "And he's your best friend," she giggled. "Sadly," he laughed. "He's dating Montgomery." "Head of OB?" "Yeah." "Wow. I mean, she's nice and...he's dating?" "Apparently. My six year old daughter informed me of it a couple of days ago." "And how did your six year old daughter find out?" "Mark tells her a lot." "And she told you that he's dating Montgomery?" "I figured out something was going on...Mark was being...weird. And I was asking him when Hannah walked in and blurted it out." "When you say dating...like...serious and love and...stuff?" "I don't know," Derek shrugged. "He said serious but...I have no idea how serious." "That's...weird," Meredith sighed as she took the sandwich he was holding out. "I know," he frowned. "But if he's serious...maybe he'll move out soon," she said hopefully. "We can only hope," Derek laughed harshly. "I'm trying to convince him it's time because...well...yeah." "Because it's been six years?" "Part of it," he nodded. "What's the other part?" she asked as he sat down next to her. "Nothing," he shook his head. "Just...getting on with things." "Oh," she nodded before cuddling into his side. "Change of subject might be good," he laughed softly, pressing a light kiss on Meredith's head "Like to how amazing this land is?" "You really like it?" he grinned widely. "I love it," she breathed. "Good," he nodded. "I don't actually bring people out here." "What about Hannah?" she asked, leaning her head against his shoulder. "She's been here. But she doesn't really know what it is, she doesn't know I want to buy it." "Did she like it?" "She likes anywhere she can run around like a crazed animal." "So she loved it," Meredith giggled. "She did. I want to buy it but with just the two of us...not yet," he sighed. "You really should, Der," Meredith whispered, looking at the lake. "You think so?" "Definitely." "Maybe," he nodded slowly. "Not that I'm trying to rush you into it or anything...it's just...you love it and Hannah loves it and I...it's amazing." "I'm thinking of it. Now that Hannah's older it wouldn't be too bad living out here." "And you really want to," she smiled softly. "I do," he grinned. "I love being out here." "I can tell," she nodded. "You do too." "I do," she looked down, fiddling with the edge of the blanket. "It's...I love it. But...it's your land and your future house and...you love being out here." "Yeah," he nodded quickly. "My future house...and yeah." "Yeah," she nodded, pulling away from him quickly. "Mer...don't do that," he sighed. "Don't...I'm not, I'm...beer," she nodded, reaching around him for a beer. "I'm just...beer. That's it." "Of course," he nodded slowly. "That's all...a beer," she sighed, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Sure it is," he sighed. "Explains why you're not cuddling with me anymore." "I'm...it's...cold or...I'm fine." "Mer...." "What?" "I'm an idiot. But we were having a really good time...don't freak out." "I'm not..." she shook her head. "I'm really not. Or I kind of am. A little. But this is...casual picnic date. Casual picnic date and we...I'm not freaking out. I'm having a mini freak out which isn't the same thing as a huge freak out and really...I'm okay. I'm fine." "The rambling is really cute," he laughed softly. "Lexie says it's annoying," she smiled slightly, turning to look at him. "Really?" he frowned. "Well, apparently it's worse than hers. Or something. Because she rambles too. But it's apparently worse than hers and she doesn't see how anyone could actually understand me when I'm rambling or like it or...I don't know. She really likes you though. Apparently you get it or something. I don't know. But she's all Team Derek right now, not so much Team Meredith." "There's teams?" "There are definitely teams." "Exactly what is Team Derek?" "Team Derek is...it's basically you being...perfect and amazing and me....it's...I'm not sure. But she wants you to win and me...she doesn't want me to be an idiot or hurt you and she's basically over the casual thing. But she's kind of annoying so...I'm going to stop rambling." "Oh," Derek nodded, pulling her close again and kissing her quickly. "Tell her Team Derek is going to win." "I hope so," she whispered quietly. "You do?" "Yeah," she shrugged slightly, resting her head against his shoulder again. "That's definitely a point for Team Derek," he grinned, running his fingers through her hair. "I didn't realize there was a point system," she giggled. "If there's teams there has to be points," he laughed. "What exactly does Team Meredith even stand for?" "Not sure." "That's a pathetic team." "Maybe not. Maybe...I mean...Team Meredith just isn't sure yet. Which isn't bad. It's just...not sure yet." "Team Meredith should be abolished and all Team Meredith members should join Team Derek." "Team Meredith is considering it." "That makes Team Derek entirely too happy." "Team Meredith has concerns about Team Derek's cheesiness." "Team Meredith will learn to appreciate it." "Team Meredith is also kind of disturbed by this conversation." "Team Derek agrees," he laughed, kissing her again. "Hmmm," she murmured, deepening the kiss slightly. "Sorry I freaked out." "Don't be," he shook his head. "Third date and I'm talking...you were allowed to freak out." "I'm trying not to. I really...I'm happy. That we're here and we're...casual or not casual or whatever. I really am." "I know you are," he squeezed her tightly. "Good. Just...I wanted you to...I'm happy. And I...I'll try not to freak out." "Freak out if you need to. Just do it out loud so I can enjoy the rambling." "You're so weird," she giggled, hitting his chest slightly. "I know," he laughed softly. "You're lucky I like you." "I am," he grinned widely. "Again with the cheesiness." "You like it," he laughed and then sighed. "Mark told Hannah that I'm dating." "What? Did he...I mean, did he say who?" "No, she doesn't know who," Derek shook his head. "Just that I come home late some night because I was on a date." "And? I mean...is she...what'd she say? Or has she said anything?" "She's...I don't know. She was really concerned that I was going to start sleeping over places like Mark does." "Oh." "I assured her that's not going to happen...but...I don't know." "You...you don't know?" "She has no frame of reference for this. My last girlfriend was when she was three so she doesn't remember her and it never even got serious. So...she's flying blind and I don't know how she's going to take this." "Oh, um...okay," Meredith whispered. "You're freaking out again." "I'm not. Hannah is...keep going. Keep talking. I...I'm not freaking out." "You are," he sighed. "And Hannah, she'll be fine. That kid is always good at being happy and bouncing back. It's just...this is going to be a huge adjustment. Maybe...okay, I'm pretty sure I'm freaking out a little." "Maybe this isn't a good idea?" she whispered, pulling away. "Is that...I mean, you're freaking out about...you don't freak out. You know what you want and you were...but Hannah is going to have to adjust and you don't know if she can and...maybe this isn't a good idea. That's a maybe. That's your maybe. You...you don't...you...maybe this is over?" "What? No. No. I want this. Freaking out...I'm freaking out about Hannah and how to deal with this. Because I want to deal with this. I want to be with you and I want Hannah to adjust. There's no ending this." "Oh," she sighed, her body relaxing as she leaned against him again. "Okay. Good." "Hannah...she's six and she's used to being my one and only. But it couldn't be that way forever." "But she's okay right? Right now...she's Hannah-ish?" "Definitely," he nodded. "She was a little moody the other night but she got over it." "Okay," she breathed, reaching up to lightly trace her fingers over his curls. "Derek...Hannah's...she's number one. I know that and I...I don't want to take that or anything. I...she's your daughter. I get she comes first. She has to come first." "She does," he nodded slowly, smiling as her hands moved along his scalp. "So I'm not...I don't want to...I don't want to mess that up. I'm just your...whatever I am. She's your daughter. And I don't...whatever you have to do, I understand." "God you're amazing," he sighed. "And...I think, just slow. I know we already agreed on it but definitely slow." "Slow is good," she nodded, still running her fingers through his hair. "Good," he smiled slightly. "And Hannah fully believe you're her friend so things...we have to slowly get her used to this change." "Any idea how?" "None at all," he groaned. "They write books about this stuff, don't they?" "Probably." "Maybe I should get one. I've never actually read a parenting book but this...I can't even turn to my mom about this." "She didn't date after your dad?" Meredith asked softly. 'No," Derek shook his head. "She was...raising six kids. I don't think she even thought of dating." "Six?" "Me, my four sisters and Mark." "You...four sisters?" "Four sisters," he nodded. "That's...um...a lot." "It is." "So are you...the oldest or...?" "Dead smack in the middle.' "And I don't have to meet any of these sisters anytime soonish, right?" "Definitely not," he shook his head. "Or my mom. That can wait...a long time." "Good." "My biggest concern is actually getting serious with you and having Hannah adapt before I even think of taking you to meet the crazy Shepherds." For just a second, her body tensed in his arms and she pulled back slightly before letting out a deep breath and settling against his body again. "We'll be okay, Der. Hannah...she'll get used to it and she'll be okay. And we'll be okay." "We will be," he smiled, hugging her close to him. "We're really bad at date conversation," she giggled. "We really are," he sighed, pressing a quick kiss on her neck. "Sorry.' "My fault too," she smiled. "More mine." "We both suck at it," she giggled again, suddenly pulling away from him. "We should go swimming." "We should...what?" "Swimming," she smiled widely. "Or something. Something on the land." "We can't go swimming. Neither of us have suits and it's freezing," he laughed. "We can go for a hike if you want though." "You want to swim with a swim suit?" she raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly. "You want to go skinny dipping?" "Maybe." "You really are kind of amazing." "I am?" "Definitely," he smiled. "But I'm not going skinny dipping in Seattle in March." "Fine," she rolled her eyes. "Hike then?" "Hike sounds good," he grinned, getting up from the blanket. "We'll go skinny dipping when it's warmer." "Hopefully no one else buys the land," she sighed, taking his hand. "Maybe I should just buy it now." "Seriously?" she grinned. "Seriously," he nodded. "Make it mine." "You should," she squeezed his hand. "Make it yours." "And then we can skinny dip here anytime we want." "And that's the only reason you want it," she giggled, kissing him deeply. "Of course," he laughed, before pulling her to him and kissing her again. "Der," she breathed, wrapping her arms around his neck, her fingers lightly pulling the curls at the nape of his neck. "Hmmm..." he groaned against her mouth, pulling her closer to him. "We...hiking," she murmured, pushing him against a tree as she deepened the kiss further. He pulled his head back to look at her. "Hiking, we said we were hiking," he murmured, before brining his lips to hers again. "This...this isn't hiking," she said breathlessly, pulling away as her lungs begged for oxygen. "It isn't," he nodded. "And we're not doing this here." "We're...we're not?" "No," he shook his head. "I have...something planned and it doesn't involve us outside in the cold against a tree." "Something planned?" "Yes," he smirked. "Planned." "Please tell me it doesn't involve rose petals and tons of candles." "Do I look like the kind of guy who would do that?" "You're kind of cheesy, Der." "Fine...but rose petals? That's...bad, Mer." "I'm glad you realize that." "No rose petals. And no tons of candles. Promise." "Good," she smiled widely and then took his hand again. "Show me where ou...your house is going to be." "Oh..." he breathed, before squeezing her hand. "Okay, come on." I've seen the storm clouds in your past But rest assured cause you are safe At home at last I rescued you, you rescued me And we're right where we should be When we're together Disclaimer: In this update Derek asks Meredith a big important relationship changing question. And Meredith's answer is...well...happiness and light. Apparently we don't own the show. This was not his daughter. The little girl sitting on his desk, her face bright red as she screamed at the top of her lungs was not his daughter. Not that she hadn't ever screamed like this before, but she didn't usually. Not over something like Mark having to cancel on fishing because of work. And not at the hospital. This was not his daughter and he had no idea what to do. He looked over at Mark who looked like he was literally on the verge of tears as he backed away from Hannah's kicking legs as she screamed and threw things. They hadn't seen a tantrum like this since she was three or four, and it had rarely been directed towards one of them. But now this little girl...this screaming little girl on his desk was not his daughter, and Mark looked as bad as he felt. "Hannah, you have to breathe," Derek murmured. It sounded like good advice at least, even though he wasn't exactly sure it would help. He had no idea what would help. "No!" she screamed, tears pouring down her cheeks. "No! You pwomised! Uncle Mark pwomised! He pwomised he'd come fishing and he's not and he pwomised!" "Hannah, you know this happens sometimes," Derek whispered. "You know that." "He pwomised! He said he'd come but he's not coming and he pwomised. Stupid Uncle Mark!" she picked up one of his files and threw it on the floor, still sobbing as she kicked her legs. Mark's face flinched at the use of his actually name instead of the usual monkey. She never called him Uncle Mark, even when she was mad. "Han...I can't go. I want to, I do, but I can't," Mark sighed. "You don't want to! You don't love me no more!" "Oh Hannah," Mark whispered, his voice cracking slightly. "You know that's not true, you know I love you." "No you don't! You said you'd go fishing! You said! You don't love me no more! I don't love you no more either!" "Hannah, stop," Derek said, trying to keep the calm in his voice and ignore the look of devastation on his best friend's face. "You're angry and you can be, but you don't mean what you're saying." "Yes I do!" she said, throwing his cup of pens to the floor. "Stupid Uncle Mark! I hate him! He pwomised and he's not going and now you're not wanna go either, Daddy!" "Of course I'm going," Derek sighed. "We're still going, Uncle Monkey just has to work." "He pwomised. He pwomised and he's gonna work and go on dates and I hate dates and I hate Uncle Mark!" "Hannah, you're being mean," Derek groaned. "Uncle Mark's mean!" "Uncle Mark has to do his job." "No he doesn't! He's gotta go fishing cause he pwomised!" "I know he promised," Derek nodded. "But sometimes jobs come first." "No! No! He's gotta come. He's gotta!" "Hannah, he can't." "Then I hate him." "Hannah, you don't mean that," Mark said quietly. "Yes I do!" "Hannah Rose, stop," Derek ordered. "No!" "Hannah...I mean it." "Hannah, I mean it," Hannah mocked. "Hannah Rose Shepherd." "Hannah Rose Shepherd." "Han, I want to go fishing with you but I will cancel it if you don't start behaving." "See!" she screamed. "You're mean! You're mean just like Uncle Mark! No one loves me no more!" "Everyone loves you," Derek groaned. "But I don't love how you're acting." "Derek," Meredith walked in, holding a chart, "Mr. Cooperton in 4402...oh." She looked up, frowning at the scene. "Hey Mer," Derek sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Hey, um...should I...I mean, come back later?" she stammered, watching as Hannah kicked at Derek's desk, tears still pouring down her cheeks. "No...I'm thinking ignoring her at this point might be the best course of action," Derek frowned. "Because you hate me," Hannah sniffled. "No one hates you, Hannah!" Derek snapped. "You hate me! And Uncle Mark hates me!" she sobbed. "Hannah...honestly...stop," Derek groaned. "You're the meanest daddy in the whole wide u-verse." "Yeah, so you like to say when you're mad." "I'll um...I can go," Meredith whispered, handing him the chart quickly and backing away slowly, sneaking a glance at Mark who was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. "No, Hannah can behave herself," Derek sighed. "You 'have yourself." "Hannah, I am five seconds away from taking away the fishing trip." "Ask Mereith, Daddy," Hannah pouted, her legs slowing against his desk. "Ask her what?" Derek frowned. "Fishing." "You want me to ask her?" "Yes. Cause Uncle Mark is mean and I don't love him no more. Now Mereith can come fishing. Ask her." "I'm not asking her until you apologize to Uncle Mark and get over this temper tantrum." "Sorry, Uncle Mark," Hannah rolled her eyes. "I saw that eye roll. You make up with your uncle right now or I'm not asking Meredith." Hannah turned to Mark, a frown still on her face, and sighed, "Sorry, Uncle Mark." "It's okay, Hannah, you're allowed to be mad," Mark sighed. "How about I take you out for ice cream to make it up to you?" "Now?" "Sure," Mark shrugged. "I don't have another surgery for two hours." "Good," Hannah nodded and then turned to Derek. "Ask her." "Meredith, would you like to come fishing with us?" Derek asked, smiling gently at her. "I...what?" Meredith's eyes went wide and she backed towards the door. "Come fishing with us," Derek repeated, nodding his head slightly and mouthing yes. "I...um...okay," Meredith whispered. "When?" "Tomorrow." "Oh," Meredith breathed. "I...if I...someone has to cover my shift." "Okay," Derek nodded. "Can you find someone?" "I think so. Yeah. Maybe." "Good," he smiled lightly. "Hannah, is that okay?" "Yes," Hannah smiled widely. "Mereith, it's loads and loads of fun." "I've never been fishing before," Meredith shrugged "You'll have to teach me." "Never...wow," Hannah breathed. "Fishing is the bestest." "I'm sure it is," Meredith nodded. "The bestest thing ever," Hannah smiled, jumping off Derek's desk, being careful not to step on the papers and pens that she had strewn across the floor. "Uncle Monkey, can we get ice cream now?" "Of course we can," Mark nodded. "But you should clean up the mess you made first." "Do I have to?" she pouted, her lower lip quivering. "You do," Mark nodded. "But I'll help so it can be super fast." "Okay," Hannah sighed and then hugged him tightly. "Love you, Uncle Monkey." "I love you too, Hannah Banana," Mark smiled. Meredith smiled slightly and then turned to Derek. "I need to talk to you. About...a patient. Now." "Oh okay," Derek nodded. "Umm...walk. I'll see you later, Hannah, okay?" "Bye, Daddy," Hannah nodded as she picked up pens, Mark next to her. "Are you freaking out?" Derek asked the second he led Meredith into the hallway. "Yes...no...maybe," she sighed. "But Mr. Copperton in 4402 really did spike a post op fever. Which is what I originally came in to tell you before you ambushed me." "We'll go check on him," he nodded. "And you can fully freak out on the way." "You...you ambushed me," she sighed. "You completely...that was wrong. Completely wrong and...I couldn't say no because she was right there and she was crying and...you ambushed me." "I know, I shouldn't have," he frowned. "I...she never throws fits like that, ever. She's usually the perfect kid and I had no idea how to handle that." "So you ambush me?" "It wasn't meant to be an ambush." "It kind of was," she groaned. "A complete and total...and I couldn't say no. I couldn't say no. And this...did you even think this through at all? Or did you just go along with what your six year old wanted? Because, Derek, this...it's huge and big and she...she doesn't know about us." "I know she doesn't...but she has to get used to you being around. This is probably good...her getting used to it being the three of us." "Okay...but how do we act around her?" "I don't know." "You don't...I mean, when she's not around we hold hands and you kiss and do the look and...so what do we do?" "I don't know. Maybe we should hold...no, yes...I honestly don't know." "Because you didn't think this through." "My daughter was freaking out and acting like...anything but my daughter and then she wanted you to come and she seemed better. That's as far as thinking went." "So what do we do? Seriously, Derek, I'm your...whatever I am and your daughter is...she obviously is pissed about something and now I'm going to be around and...what are we going to do?" "I don't know, Mer. I guess...it's probably best to act like friends." "Like friends," she nodded. "Okay. Friends." "Friends," Derek nodded, as they stepped onto an emptly elevator and Derek let himself sink against the back wall, all but falling into a sitting position on the floor. "Are you okay?" she whispered, rushing to stand next to him. "I'm feeling just a tiny bit overwhelmed," Derek sighed. "Because of Hannah?" Meredith asked softly, rubbing his arm gently. "Yeah," he nodded slightly. "In her fit...she said she hates dating. That's what it was about...not Mark canceling." "Der..." Meredith breathed. "I don't know what to do, Mer." "I...I don't either," she murmured, leaning forward and pressing the emergency stop button. "Thanks," he murmured. "I can't...I'm dating you. I'm not letting Hannah control that. Maybe I should have dated more through out her life, maybe that would have been better." "You can't blame yourself, Der." "Who else am I supposed to blame?" "I don't know," she sighed. "I just...you can't. I don't...I don't know how to fix this or help you or...I don't know." "Come here..." he sighed, opening his arms slightly. "Shouldn't I be doing this for you?" she asked as she cuddled into his arms. "You are," he sighed, burying his nose in her hair and taking a deep breath. "This is definitely helping." "Good," she smiled, kissing him gently. "This...Derek, this was what I was afraid of." "What?" he frowned. "Hurting you and Hannah," she murmured. "Hey," he protested softly. "You're not hurting anyone." "I'm not? You said yourself...she hates dating. She doesn't throw tantrums." "And if you hadn't come along someone else would have. I'm forty years old...I had to date eventually. Hannah has to learn to share me eventually. This is not your fault." "Feels like it." "It's not," Derek shook his head. "Mom actually warned me about this once." "She did?" "She said the way I treated Hannah that if another woman ever came along, Hannah wouldn't be able to handle it well." "It's not only you, Der. Mark too," she sighed. "And at the same time." "I know," he sighed. "I'm trying my best with this...it doesn't feel good enough." "I'm sorry," she whispered, kissing him again. "You have nothing to be sorry for." "I...I don't know what else to say," she admitted softly. "Neither do I," he sighed. "Maybe...after fishing we start doing more things...the three of us. We won't tell her right away about...us. But give her time to warm up to you being part of our lives." "Yeah...that might be for the best." "Are you okay with it?" "Yeah," she nodded. "I...yeah I'm okay with it." "Good," he sighed. "You okay?" she whispered, reaching for his hand. "I think so," he nodded, squeezing her hand. "I just want this all to work out for us." "Me too," she sighed. "You do?" he smiled widely. "Yeah...I...I really do," she nodded, biting her lip slightly. "Okay," he nodded slowly. "Are we...are you my girlfriend? Do you want to be my girlfriend?" "That sounds vaguely high schoolish," she giggled. "I know," he laughed. "But the question still remains." "Find a better way to ask it," she teased gently, leaning forward and gently nibbling on his bottom lip. "Hmm..." he groaned. "Do you want to end this casual stuff and make it real?" "I think so," she whispered, pulling back. "You do?" "Yeah...I...I think so," she nodded. "The thinking is confusing me...is it a yes?" "I...yes." "Okay," he grinned, before ducking his head down to kiss her. "Okay," she breathed, her hands moving up to his hair as she deepened the kiss. "Hmmm..." he sighed. "Now that makes everything feel much better." "It does," she grinned. "By the way...Team Meredith has been abolished." "Oh that's great," he smiled widely. "Can Team Meredith join Team Derek?" "It just so happens Team Derek is accepting new members." "That's good," she giggled, kissing him again. "But, Der?" "Yeah?" "Still...slow. Please?" "Definitely." "Good," she breathed, resting her head against his shoulder. "We'll take this however you want it, Mer," he sighed. "And you're okay with...really slow?" "I'm okay with anything that involves you." "Maybe a little bit cheesy," she giggled. "People are going to worry about the elevator.” "Excellent point," he laughed softly. "Ready to go?" "Yeah, I am," he smiled. "You don't actually have fishing gear, do you?" "I've never been fishing, Der," she giggled, getting up off the floor and pressing the button again. "We'll need to get you some in that case," he grinned. "Before tomorrow?" "Probably a good idea. Although I have extra stuff that you can probably fit." "I still can't believe you ambushed me to go fishing," she shook her head, still holding his hand tightly. "You're going to love it." "I don't really have a choice, do I?" "About loving it? No. Not really." "Didn't think so," she sighed, letting go of his hand as the elevator doors opened. "And you will love it. It's outside and relaxing. It's you." "How do you know it's me?" she grinned as they walked down the hallway. "Because I know you." "You know me?" "I do." "And what do you know about me?" she smiled, turning to him and stopping in the middle of the hallway. "I know that you love my land. And that you were willing to run into that cold water and then hike up a mountain." "That's true," she nodded, leaning closer to him. "Besides...I'm starting to think you may be perfect for me. So you have to like fishing." "What if I don't?" "We'll work on you." "We?" "Hannah and me. And well...you." "Oh, okay," she nodded, looking around quickly before kissing his cheek. "We have a patient." "We do," he nodded. "And, Der?" she said as she walked towards the patient's room. "Yeah?" "I um...I'm kind of starting to think you may be perfect for me too," she breathed before ducking into the patient's room. Derek smiled to himself as he followed her in. Apparently today was a roller coaster. And he had no idea when it would end because things were just going to get more complicated. But Meredith was his girlfriend. Meredith thought he was perfect for her. Meredith actually seemed excited for fishing and had definitely loved the hike up the mountain. And he'd figure the Hannah thing out. Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right Where I belong with you tonight Disclaimer: We know everyone is worried. Hopeful, trying to say bright and shiny but worried all the same. It's scary...we know. If we owned the show we wouldn't be having this problem. Not at all. Derek had been a father now for six years. He had seen his daughter do a lot of ridiculously cute things in those six years. Crawl, take her first step, put the wrong end of the stethoscope against his heart and claim she could hear it beating, declaring that she wanted a monkey for her third birthday or she would run away and go to the zoo. He had seen her do a lot of cute things. This moment topped them all. She was standing there, smiling up at Meredith, holding a container of worms in her hands and trying to convince Meredith that it was entirely okay to stick her hand in and grab a worm out. Because apparently worms were pretty cool and since Meredith was cool she would like the worms too. And she was smiling at Meredith like the whole concept of cool depended on Meredith touching the worms. And Meredith was looking down at the six year old with that look on her face, the adorable grossed out look that involved scrunching up her nose. Her hand hovered over the bucket as Hannah tried to convince her that worms were like brains, kind of. He could see Meredith wasn't buying it, but it was entirely adorable. And he was already kicking himself for not bringing a camera. Meredith glanced quickly at him and he fought the urge to laugh. Laughing would definitely be a bad idea. Instead he smiled encouragingly at her, at least he hoped it was encouraging. He wasn't exactly sure she would like touching worms. Not many people did, and she was a female. A completely amazing one that so far seemed to like the fishing thing, but worms were different. "C'mon Mereith," Hannah sighed. "It's like brains. Daddy said so." "Are you sure its like brains?" Meredith frowned, her nose scrunching up further. "They look slimier." "Well, Daddy said they're like brains 'cept brains don't move, right, Daddy?" "Right Han," Derek nodded, biting the inside of his cheek trying to hold back his laughter. "But the moving part is kind of gross." "Only kinda," Hannah shrugged, reaching into the bucket and pulling out a worm. "See, Mereith, not isgusting at all." "Well...you could just do it for me," Meredith suggested. "Daddy says you gotta try new things," Hannah smiled. "I do say that," Derek smirked. "Just try, Mereith." "Great, you had to give me those eyes," Meredith sighed, sticking her hand in the bucket, her nose scrunching even more. "Not isgusting, right?" Hannah grinned. "Of course not," Meredith nodded, grimacing slightly. "And then we gotta put em on a hook," Hannah nodded. "Put them on the hook," Meredith said slowly. "Yep," Hannah said, handing her fishing pole and a worm to Derek. "So the fishies see it and they're hungry so they eat it and then you catch a fish!" "Wow," Meredith grinned. "That's pretty cool." "Yep," Hannah nodded. "I gotta sit right there. No going in the water." "Good girl," Meredith nodded. "Ready for me to fish, Daddy?" Hannah asked excitedly. "Ready," Derek grinned. "You know the rules. Be careful." "I will," Hannah nodded. "Teach Mereith, okay?" "I will," Derek nodded. Hannah grabbed her pole and ran towards the dock, sitting down and throwing her pole in the water, a huge grin on her face. "Okay, the worms? Disgusting," Meredith stated. "I figured you'd think that," he laughed, leaning forward to kiss her quickly. "What are you doing?" her eyes widened. "Stealing kisses." "We said we were going to act like friends." "She's not paying attention and you're so damn cute." "Okay, a, what if she caught a fish and turned around and saw us? And b, I'm not cute." "A...she didn't. B...you are actually kind of adorable. That vest and the pants...the hat, entirely too adorable." “A...she could have. B...you're not supposed to think your girlfriend or whatever is adorable. Sexy yes, adorable no." "She didn't and I can think whatever I want of my girlfriend. You are sexy too." "She could have. And...you're...the vest is...you're sexy or whatever." "Told you you'd love fishing," he smiled. "I'm not actually fishing yet." "But you're already appreciating how good I look," he sighed. "And you're good to go." "Go...next to Hannah or...I have no idea how to fish, Der." "You have no idea?" he frowned. "I've never done it." "Okay," he nodded, putting his own pole down. "I'll teach you." "That's what Hannah told you to do," she smirked. "She didn't know I was going to use it to cheat," he grinned, grabbing her hand. "Cheat?" Meredith frowned. "Cheat," he nodded, leading her down to the waters edge and stepping behind her to cover her hands with his own. "I have a feeling this isn't going to be friendly," Meredith breathed as he situated himself behind her. "I did say cheat," he whispered. "Now put your hands here and here." "Okay," she murmured, moving her hands. "You have to cast it," he breathed, nipping at her ear quickly. "So pull it back." "Der," she gasped slightly as he helped her pull it back. "Shhh..." he murmured, pressing a kiss on her neck. "Now flick it back into the water." "This is incredibly...wrong," she whispered as her line landed in the water. "Mer...if she sees us she's just going to think I'm teaching you, we're good," he sighed. "Still...daughter...ten feet away." "All I did was kiss your neck." "And bite my ear." "Hmm..." he nodded, taking her ear in his mouth again and sucking on it gently. "Der...wrong!" she breathed, leaning against him slightly. "You're my girlfriend," he sighed, pulling her closer to him. "I am," she nodded. "But your daughter..." "Is in her own fishing world." "Still...she could see." "Fine fine..." he sighed, stepping back very slightly. "So...what happens if I catch a fish?" she asked breathlessly. "You have to reel it in with this," he whispered, moving her hand to the reel. "And then what?" she murmured, shivering slightly as he moved close to her again. "The you probably want to yell for me so I can help you get it out of the water. It involves tugging and reeling and...yell my name." "Okay," she murmured, her body shaking slightly. "You're evil." "How am I evil?" he murmured. "You're standing behind me with a hard-on," she murmured. "And torturing me." "I can't help the hard-on." "Your daughter, Derek...ten feet away." "I know," he sighed. "Trust me, I know." "So...we can't...we're friends, remember?" "I know," he murmured, stepping back again. "You have a lot of waiting time now." "Sounds like fun," she giggled. "It actually is," he nodded. "Like it so far?" "So far, yes," she nodded. "Hannah loves it." "She does," Derek smiled proudly. "She grew up with it." "You took her when she was a baby, didn't you?" Meredith rolled her eyes. "I might have," Derek laughed. "I have pictures." "Can babies even fish?" "They can wear cute fishing hats and watch Daddy fish." "That's a little sad, Derek," she laughed. "She's always loved it." "And the worms?" "She has no problem with worms. Not everyone is as squeamish as you." "I am not squeamish. I touched them. And I operate on brains." "Brains don't move. I saw the look on your face when you touched them." "Okay, worms are a little bit disgusting. Just a little. But I touched them." "And I'm proud," he nodded. "Awww, thanks. Yesterday I scrubbed in on a spinal tumor and you barely said a word. Today I touch a worm and you're proud." "Anyone can scrub in on a spinal tumor, not every woman would stick her hand in a bucket of worms." "You may quite possibly be entirely insane." "Says the one who is dating me." "Do you think you'll ever stop saying that?" "No," he grinned widely. "Daddy!" Hannah called. "Daddy, I got a fish! I got a fish!" "You did?" Derek exclaimed, pulling further away from Meredith and heading toward his daughter. "I did!" Hannah nodded excitedly. "Look!" "Oh wow!" Derek smiled widely. "Good job." "He's real big, Daddy. You gotta help me." "Of course," Derek nodded, letting his hands cover hers. "Mereith! Come see my fish! Come see my fish!" "Coming," Meredith giggled, as she pulled her own pole out of the water and walked over to them. "It's real big," Hannah grinned proudly as Derek reeled the fish in. "It is," Derek nodded. "I think it's the biggest one you've ever caught." "Do you catch a lot of fish, Hannah?" Meredith asked, as she sat down next to Hannah. "Yep," Hannah grinned proudly. "I'm real good. Not as good as Daddy but better than Uncle Monkey." "Mark's a bad fisher?" Meredith giggled. "He's not bad," Derek laughed softly. "Hannah's just better...it's in her genes." "My jeans?" Hannah looked down at her pants. "Not those jeans," Meredith giggled. "Genes are...tiny parts of your body that make you who you are." "Oh," Hannah nodded. "It's in my genes." "It is," Derek nodded. "Do you want to go put your fish in the bucket?" "Yep," Hannah nodded, standing up and running towards the bucket, her hat falling off her head. "You're good with her," Derek smiled at Meredith. "I am?" Meredith blushed slightly. "Definitely. She adores you and you know how to handle her." "I...I try," she shrugged. "She's cute and...I try." "You're doing well," he grinned. "I...good," she nodded. "No freaking out." "I'm not." "Are you sure?" "I'm...trying not to." "Good," he nodded, squeezing her hand tightly. "But you really are doing well." "Mereith!" Hannah ran back to them, her pole in her hands, a squirming worm in her hand. "Do you like fishing lots?" "I'm having fun," Meredith nodded. "You'll catch a fish real soon," Hannah nodded firmly, casting her line again. "I hope so," Meredith nodded. "Daddy, you gotta fish," Hannah sighed. "You're the bestest." "I will," Derek grinned. "I had to teach Meredith first." "Cause Mereith's never fished," Hannah nodded. "She hasn't," Derek nodded. "Cause your daddy didn't teach you, right Mereith?" "Yep," Meredith nodded, frowning slightly. "Cause your daddy went away like my mommy, right?" Hannah asked, staring at the water. "Oh umm..." Meredith murmured, looking at Derek quickly before sitting down beside her. "Yep, he did." "My daddy says my mommy didn't know how to be a mommy," Hannah explained. "How come your daddy went away?" "My daddy and mommy didn't get along at all," Meredith sighed. "So they decided to not be together anymore so my daddy left." "Oh," Hannah nodded. "Did it make you real sad?" "It did," Meredith nodded. "It made me sad for a little bit," Hannah turned to her. "But then I thinked, I'm like Nemo." "You're like Nemo?" Meredith asked. "Yep. Nemo's mommy went away when he was a baby but he had the bestest daddy in the world." "I guess you are like Nemo," Meredith smiled. "Your daddy is pretty great." "He's the bestest," Hannah grinned. "Teacher said having a best daddy is like having a mommy and a daddy." "Teacher is right. You're very lucky to have your daddy. He loves you a whole lot." "He loves me mostest," Hannah nodded. "Right, Daddy?" "Definitely," Derek smiled widely, leaning over to kiss his daughter quickly. "Mereith, did your mommy love you mostest?" "Oh...no, I don't think she did," Meredith murmured. "Why not?" Hannah frowned. "She loved her job the mostest." "Like Uncle Monkey sometimes," Hannah sighed sadly. "Nope, not like Uncle Monkey," Meredith shook her head. "Your Uncle Monkey definitely loves you mostest...his job just doesn't come first, just sometimes he has to make sure he does it sometimes." "You sure?" "Definitely sure." "Uncle Monkey's got a girlfriend," Hannah explained. "He loves her lots and lots." "I'm sure he does," Meredith nodded, shooting Derek a quick look. "But...people love more than one person. Even if he loves his girlfriends lots and lots it doesn't mean he loves you any less." "He sleeps over at her house," Hannah sighed. "And he loves her and says he's not gonna live with me no more. Cause he loves Addison.” "Does that make you sad? That he's moving out?" Meredith asked, ignoring Derek's gasping and muttering. "Yeah," Hannah nodded. "Real sad." "Oh Hannah," Meredith sighed. "Uncle Monkey loves you a lot. Even if he loves Addison, he still loves you. And even if he moves out I'm sure he'll still come and see you and take you for ice cream and everything else. He's not going to leave you." "I guess," Hannah sighed. "I don't like dating. It's stupid." "It's not stupid," Meredith shook her head. "Have you made new friends since you went to school?" "Yep, loads." "Does it mean you love your Daddy and Uncle Monkey any less?" "Nope," Hannah shook her head. "But Daddy's on dates and he doesn't tuck me in no more. And Uncle Monkey's gonna leave." "And that has to suck," Meredith nodded. "But they still love you. And Uncle Monkey won't leave, he's just moving. And your Daddy...your Daddy will never leave you." "I guess," Hannah shrugged. "Daddy, I'm hungry." "Okay," Derek nodded. "There's some food in the cooler by the car." "Okay," Hannah nodded, jumping up and running towards the car. "Wow," Derek smiled, shaking his head slightly. "What?" Meredith asked. "You're like the kid whisperer." "Seriously?" she giggled. "That was amazing." "I'm her friend," Meredith shrugged. "But you...that was...perfect." "I just let her talk," Meredith blushed. "I know but...that was...I actually think you made progress." "Progress? Der...she's...she's terrified you're going to leave. When she finds out it's me..." "I think it might make it better," Derek sighed. "And...at least we got some talking from her." "We?" Meredith raised an eyebrow, a smirk on her lips. "Oh I'm sorry. Should I be kissing your feet?" "Maybe," she giggled. "I really am grateful," he sighed. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to name you officially in charge of helping her with this." "Probably not the best idea when she realizes you're dating me." "She adores you, Mer." "Right now. Because I'm her friend." "And she will keep adoring you. We just...we need to make sure she knows you're not taking me away, I'm not leaving." "Yeah," Meredith sighed. "Hey, Der?" "Yeah?" "I'm pretty sure there's something tugging on my line or whatever." "Seriously?" he grinned widely. "That's my girl." "So that reeling it in thing..." "Do it now," he nodded, going to grab her hands. "Never done it," she giggled excitedly. "I know," he laughed softly. "Just...let me guide your hands." "Okay," she breathed, leaning back against him. "It feels like he might be a big one," he murmured into her ear. "Yeah," she sighed, closing her eyes slightly. "A really big one." "That sounded dirty, Mer," Derek laughed, breathlessly. "You did it first." "Yeah, yeah," he laughed, pulling the pole the rest of the way out. "Wow, Mer! Good job." "Oh wow," Meredith giggled, watching the fish thrash. "Oh wow." "Han...come over and see the fish Mer caught," Derek called to his daughter. "You catched one!" Hannah exclaimed, running over to them, a peanut butter sandwich in her hands. "She did!" Derek smiled proudly. "Wow!" Hannah grinned, throwing her arms around Meredith's neck. "He's bigger than my fish, Mereith!" "He's pretty big," Meredith giggled, hugging Hannah back. "You gotta come home and eat him with us," Hannah nodded excitedly. "Oh umm..." Meredith sighed, looking at Derek who was smiling widely. "Okay." "Daddy, cut him off so's we can put him in the bucket!" Hannah clapped her hands. "Doing so," Derek nodded. "Want to put it in the bucket for her? Or do we make her carry it?" "I'll help her," Hannah nodded, jumping off of Meredith and grabbing her hand. "Come on, Mereith." "Okay," Meredith nodded, looking at the fish in Derek's hands. "I have to touch it?" "Yep," Hannah grinned. "Oh," Meredith grimaced. "Okay." "It's not that bad, Mer," Derek laughed, holding the fish out to her. "Of course not," she rolled her eyes at him, grabbing it from him and squishing up her nose again. "C'mon, Mereith!" Hannah grinned widely, pulling Meredith along. "I'm coming," Meredith giggled. Derek grinned as Hannah pulled Meredith along towards the bucket, the fish dangling from Meredith's free hand. He had been a father for six years. In those six years, he had seen his daughter do a lot of cute things. Catch her first fish, dance at her first recital, surprise him on Father's Day with a destroyed kitchen and something that resembled raw omelets. But this moment, watching his daughter and Meredith, completely and totally topped them all. There's just no rhyme or reason Only this sense of completion And in your eyes I see the missing pieces I'm searching for I think I've found my way home



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:51 PM Post #15
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: In 407 Derek asks for more than physical AGAIN. She's already said no how many times? If she says no again the woman is insane. Which proves we don't own the show...as we don't understand the concept of saying no to anything that man wants. Lexie was frowning at a book. Lexie was frowning at a book and she was supposed to be helping her. A tiny part of Meredith's head knew this. She had come over to help Lexie study and she knew this. She really did. She was supposed to be helping and not just sitting here, staring at her phone and waiting for it to buzz again. That was definitely not why she was here. She had somehow managed to get two days off. Two days off, which never, ever happened. And her poor younger sister was taking final exams soon. She needed help. Her sister had called halfway in tears, begging her for help. And she still had no idea what the hell they were actually supposed to be studying. Because she hadn't seen Derek in two days. And now she knew what he really did on his phone. "Meredith...is this the right answer?" Lexie sighed, frustration clear in her voice. "What?" Meredith jumped as her phone buzzed in her hands. "Oh, um...yeah..." "You have no idea what the question even is," Lexie groaned. "Who keeps texting you?" "No one," Meredith giggled as she read Derek's text. You're never allowed to take another day off again. Miss you. He was cheesy. Entirely cheesy. "No one? Seriously? Give me the phone." "No. It's my phone." "Than who keeps texting you and making you giggle?" "I...no one. I'll stop. It's not a big deal," she quickly texted him back before closing her phone. "Studying. Definitely studying." "That's the third time you've closed the phone and said you were going to concentrate." "I...I'm concentrating. Really." "On whoever is texting you." "On your medical stuff." "Do you even know what I'm studying?" "Um...neuro?" "Cardio, Mer." "Oh...cardio. Hearts...which are...important," she nodded, giggling as her phone buzzed. "Seriously Mer...who is it?" "It's...someone who should be saving lives instead of texting." "Derek, you're texting Derek." "Maybe," Meredith grinned as she quickly sent him a message to get back to work. "Why are you texting Derek?" "I'm...he's texting me." "Why?" "Apparently that's what boyfriends and girlfriends do," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Boyfriends...what?" "Yeah," Meredith shrugged. "Boyfriends and girlfriends apparently text each other. I think he's making it up." "Since when....he's your boyfriend and you didn't tell me?" "I thought I told you." "You definitely didn't tell me." "Oh...well...yeah," Meredith sighed. "We're...boyfriend and girlfriend. Or whatever. A couple. Relationship...thing." "When did this happen?" "I don't...a little less than a month ago?" "That long and you just told me?" "I...I thought I did," Meredith smiled as the phone buzzed again. "Sorry." "At least tell me what he's saying." "He's not saying anything," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He's an idiot." "If he's interrupting my study session I get to know what he's saying. Which you owe me after not telling me." "Right now? He's just talking about how much he misses me." "No, I need word for word." "Seriously?" "Seriously." "He just..." Meredith looked down at her phone, shaking her head slightly. "I'd much rather be texting my favorite intern. I'll save lives after you tell me you miss me." "Awwww..." Lexie breathed. "That's adorable." "He's cheesy. And an idiot," Meredith grinned. "And yet you're dating him." "Yeah. I'm dating him." "Are you happy? How is it going? What does Hannah think? How's the sex?" "I'm...I think it's entirely abnormal to be this happy," Meredith giggled. "And it's...it's going great. He's great. Hannah doesn't know. And...we're not having sex." "You're not having sex?" "No." "And Hannah doesn't know?" "She has no idea," Meredith sighed. "She's...she's having some trouble getting used to the idea that Derek is dating. And Uncle Monkey is moving out soon so she's...she's having a really hard time." "Oh poor Hannah," Lexie sighed. "How's Derek handling it?" "He's...entirely overwhelmed," Meredith replied. "He doesn't know what to do and I've tried talking to her and she just..it's a big change." "She'll get used to it," Lexie nodded. "It's just been her and Derek for so long." "I know," Meredith sighed. "He just...she's throwing tantrums more and it's taking a lot out of him." "I'm sure it's taking a lot out of both of you." "I...I don't know. She's doing it a lot at home apparently." "Just be there for him, Mer. Hannah will adapt to sharing him." "I hope so. I just...I hate that...it's what I was afraid of. She was such a happy little girl and now...I mean, she's happy. She is. But the tantrums...that's not Hannah." "And it's not your fault," Lexie sighed. "This was going to happen eventually. A man like that isn't going to be a monk forever." "True," Meredith giggled slightly. "Give her time and I'm sure she'll love the fact you're with her dad." "Well...she doesn't know yet. She thinks I'm her friend." "That's good," Lexie nodded. "Are you spending time with her?" "Yeah. We...we went fishing and...I went and watched her at ballet last week." "Oh that's great," Lexie grinned. "Yeah, she's great," Meredith grinned. "I'm proud of you, Mer. This is obviously complicated but you're not running." "I...it's totally complicated and I just...I can't run. I keep...I don't know." "You can't run?" Lexie raised an eyebrow. "I can't," Meredith sighed. "I...he's like...he's perfect and he's completely stressed about Hannah and sometimes I think...I think this would be easier if I just walked away and let him and Hannah but...I can't walk away. I don't even know why. He's perfect and amazing and he gets me and I...something." "Something?" "Something. I don't know. I don't know what it is...I think...I mean I probably don't because I don't even know what it feels like and we've been together for over a month so it seems really fast. Even though we were having sex for months so I know him but I don't know know him. But sometimes I think...something. I think something big but I don't know." "Oh god...you're in love with him." "What? No. I mean, yes. I mean, no I don't think so. Or I do think so but I don't know. Because I don't know how to know so I don't know. I mean, he's great and kinda perfect and he's buying land and...no. I don't love him. I'm not...I don't know." "Mer...if you love him...you love him. You don't need prior experience to know that." "I don't know. I don't know if I do. I think...I might. I might love him." "You might love him?" "Yeah..I might. Maybe. I have no idea. I keep thinking I might and I think he does. Love me. Not love him. Well, he does love himself. He's kind of cocky and arrogant but...that's not the point. The point is...I think he loves me. Which is...big. It's really big." "I'm pretty sure he loves you." "That's...big, Lexie. Really big and I don't...I don't know if I love him." "You do." "I don't. I mean, I might. I don't know." "Get back to me in a few weeks." "Why?" "Because you'll know by then." "How do you know?" "Because you've been on the phone giggling with him all afternoon when you're supposed to be helping me study and he's supposed to be saving lives." "That just means he's an idiot," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And you're texting him back because..." "Because...I don't know. I want to." "Exactly." "I just...he's perfect, Lexie," Meredith sighed. "He's the most perfect man in the world and I think he loves me. Which is...I mean...I don't know." "Give it time, Mer. You're obviously off to a great start." "We are," she smiled softly. "You two will make this work," Lexie nodded. "I hope so." "You will," Lexie grinned. "I know it." "He's just...him." "You might as well get back to me in a few days." "You said few weeks. Now a few days?" "Yeah," Lexie smirked. "I doubt...I'm not in love with him." "Of course not." "I'm not." "Sure." "Lexie! I'm not!" "Okay." "I'm not." "I said okay." "Fine." "You should probably check that," Lexie laughed as Meredith's phone vibrated again. "Probably," Meredith rolled here eyes, opening her phone. "What now?" "Nothing," Meredith grinned widely. "What?" "He's just...kind of perfect," Meredith sighed. "What did he say?" "That he misses me and he can't wait to see me tomorrow," Meredith sighed. "He still wants to know if I miss him." "You might as well tell him you miss him." "Why?" "Because it's the truth." "How do you know?" "Oh...you don't miss him?" "Well...I...I mean, it's been two days since I saw him. Why would I miss him?" "It doesn't actually matter if there's a why. Just that you do miss him." "It can't be normal to miss someone after two days." "Do you actually care about normal?" "It's just...weird right?" Meredith sighed as she quickly texted Derek back. "To miss someone after two days?" "Probably a little, but if you do, you can't really help that." "Fine...I...told him I missed him." "Good," Lexie grinned. "That doesn't mean anything though. It just means...I'm not in love with him." "Of course not." "Aren't you supposed to be studying?" "Of course," Lexie nodded. "Has he texted you back?" "Not yet." "He will." "Probably. Studying." "Yeah, yeah," Lexie rolled her eyes. "Cardio. Hearts. Study." "Studying," Lexie nodded as Meredith's phone buzzed. "After you tell me what that said." "That he misses me too and that he'll see me tomorrow night at a super secret silent sunset date or whatever." "That is too cute." "He's an idiot. Study." "Sure." "If you fail...you can't blame me." "Mer, you haven't helped me study at all." "I'm helping." "Sure you are," Lexie sighed. "I'll turn off my phone and help." "Don't turn off your phone." "Why not?" "Because you're cute and happy." "And you have to study." "Yeah, I am," Lexie nodded, turning back to her book. Meredith sighed as she looked back down at her phone, suddenly feeling entirely ridiculous. She was a grown woman. She had a job. She had responsibilities. She wasn't supposed to be waiting by the phone for her boyfriend to text her. It was ridiculous. And yet...she loved it. She loved getting texts from him. She loved that he missed her. She just...she entirely loved this, this huge thing. I'm not in love, so don't forget it It's just a silly phase I'm going through And just because I call you up Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made I'm not in love, I'm not in love... Disclaimer: It now appears that unless some weird hole in the universe exists Lauren may very well be for our Markie...his crush. How cute is Markie with a crush? Well we don't know but it's better than Derek having one. Oh and we don't own the show. And don't read this if you're a youngin'. Meredith bit her lip as she stared at the x-rays in front of her. She hated today. Today was sucking. She had come to work expecting to be with Derek, but she had been assigned to Montgomery. And now she was working with the OB/GYN, working on a divorced couple who had gotten stuck together while having sex. It was awkward. It was strange. And she wanted to be with Derek. "Hey," his voice came from behind her, like he was reading her thoughts. "Hey," she smiled widely, turning to look at him quickly. "How are you?" he asked, tilting his head to look at her. "Good," she nodded. "You?" "Better now." "Cheesy," she rolled her eyes, turning back to her x-rays. "What are you looking at?" he asked, suddenly right behind her shoulder. "X-rays," she smiled. "Do you think they look blurry?" He moved closer and studied them for a second. "What exactly am I looking at?" "Divorced couple stuck together while..." "Seriously?" "Seriously," she giggled. "Nice," he nodded. "They are blurry. You need new ones." "I thought so," she sighed, turning to him. "So I have a surprise for you tonight," he grinned, letting his hand ligtly brush hers. "Oh really?" she leaned into him. "Really," he nodded, tilting his head down so their lips were inches apart. "Is this the super secret silent sunset date or whatever?" she brushed her lips gently against his. "It is," he grinned widely. "So why is it a secret?" she giggled, reaching up to run her fingers over his curls. "Surprises generally have to be kept secret to be a surprise." "Do I get a hint?" "No." "Please?" "No," he laughed. "Does it involve the land?" "Nope." "Does it involve food?" "Yes." "So...dinner...somewhere." "Yes. Somewhere," he smirked. "You suck," she pouted. "You worry too much," he laughed, kissing her quickly. "You'll love this." "Not even one hint?" "You know it involves food, that's a hint.' "Another hint." "Nope." "Der," she groaned. "Mer...I have a six year old daughter," Derek laughed. "You can't trick me." "Not fair." "Mer, you can wait a few hours." "Still..." she sighed. "Still nothing," he laughed. "Wait." "Fine," she rolled her eyes. "It's no wonder you and Hannah get along so well." "You're just...a lot alike," he laughed softly. "You know, that doesn't say anything good about you," she rolled her eyes, tearing her x-rays down and moving past him. "I meant in maturity, good," he laughed. "Again, not good for you," she smiled, turning to him. "I...I missed you." "I missed you too," he nodded. "That's...sad isn't it?" "No," he shook his head. "I like that I miss you." "Really?" "Really," he nodded. "It's...nice." "I...yeah, nice," she smiled. "And it will make tonight even better." "Oh it will?" "It will," he grinned. "Go get your xrays before you start harassing me for hints again." "You suck." "You have no idea." "That's...dirty." "It is," he nodded, kissing her quickly. "What time?" she sighed, moving out of the room. "What time are you done at?" "Seven." "I'm off at five so I'll head home to give Hannah sometime and pick you up when you're done." "Okay," she sighed, kissing him quickly. "Give her a hug for me." "I will," he grinned. "I'll see you later." "Bye, Der," she grinned, walking away. He was weird. Derek was weird. He was strange with his surprises and his no hints. He was just weird. And she couldn't help but wish this day was entirely over. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And now it was done. The day was done and she just wanted to see Derek. Who she had somehow not managed to get a second to see since their brief encounter. He had paged her at one point but she had been in the middle of surgery. And when she paged him back he had been in surgery. It had quite possibly been the day from hell and she wanted to collapse into his arms. They had this super secret silent sunset date thing or whatever now. And she was curious, definitely curious, but she was also exhausted. She just wanted to go into an on call room with him and take the longest nap ever. But he had been so damn excited about this date or whatever tonight that she didn't have the heart to beg him to reschedule. He'd probably get it, but she couldn't do it. She'd probably feel better once she saw him. He had a way of doing that, and she hated it. She didn't hate feeling better, or seeing him but it sounded entirely cheesy to admit that just being around him made everything else melt away. So she'd probably regret rescheduling anyway. And she'd be home early. That was the thing about dating a man with a kid, he wanted to be home early. So there would probably be dinner and drinks somewhere, some necking in the car, and then she'd be home early. So that was good. Well, not good. She missed him, she wanted to be with him, and going home early sucked usually. But tonight she could deal with it. Or she would once she actually got to see him. She threw her coat on and went down to the lobby, falling into a chair. "You look absolutely exhausted," his voice came from behind her. "Hmm," she nodded slightly. "Long day?" he asked, his hands finding her shoulders. "Longest," she sighed, tipping her head back to look up at him. "Do we need to reschedule?" he offered, smiling down at her. "Definitely not," she shook her head. "I'm curious about this surprise." "As you should be," he grinned. "How's Hannah?" she asked as she dragged herself out of the chair, grabbing his hand and leaning against him. "Good," he smiled slightly. "I took her to the park and then rented a movie for her to watch after I left." "And she's...no tantrums?" "Not tonight," he shook his head. "Good," she smiled as he led her out to his car. "Definitely good," he sighed. "I think it helped that I came home to give her time." "Who's watching her tonight?" she asked, slipping into the passenger side. "My mom," Derek sighed. "Mark's out with Addison." "I was thinking," Meredith bit her lip, "not...not that it's any of my business or anything. It's not...I mean, she's not my daughter but...maybe Mark needs to spend a little more time with her or...I don't know." "Mer, you're allowed to make suggestions. I love that you think of her," he grinned. "And I think you're right. I'm trying everything I can to make it clear that I'm not leaving her but Mark...he's entirely caught up with Addison and...he should probably spend more time with her." "Yeah...maybe...that might help." "You're right," Derek nodded. "Okay, well, okay," she nodded. "She says hi back by the way and I'm supposed to hug you for her," he smiled. "Of course I'm supposed to do that tomorrow." "Of course," she smiled. "She really likes you." "Right now. Right now she really likes me." "She will when she finds out. She might...it will probably be bumpy for a bit but she'll still like you." "I hope so." "She will," he nodded firmly. "And if she doesn't, she's going to have to learn to anyway." "Derek...she comes first." "I know that," Derek sighed. "But you...I'm not losing this because my daughter isn't ready for me to date, Mer." "Okay," she murmured, moving to grasp his hand. "If I did that...I'm pretty sure that's probably the worst thing a parent could do." "Really?" "Really," he sighed. "I love her to pieces but I need my own life, I need you." "I need you too," she whispered. "Good," he grinned, squeezing her hand. "So, where are we going?" "Not saying." "Der!" "Meredith." "Where are we going?" "You just asked that." "I did. Answer the question." "I'm not." "Give me a hint at least." "No." "Why not?" "Surprise, Mer." "One hint." "No." "Please." "We're nearly there. That's your hint." "That only tells me that it's in downtown Seattle. Which I figured." "It's still a hint." "Is it a restaurant?" "That would be a hint." "Please, Der," she pouted, her hand moving from his to his upper thigh, rubbing gently. "That's playing dirty." "Please, please, please," she leaned forward and gently nibbled on his ear lobe, still massaging his denim-clad thigh. "Dirty." "Please," she breathed, moving her hand over slightly to brush against his rapidly-forming erection. "No." "Not even one more hint?" she breathed against his neck. "I hate you." "No you don't." "I could." "You wouldn't." "I completely could," he groaned. "And it's all beside the point, because we're here." Meredith turned from him and frowned slightly. "A hotel?" "Yes, a hotel," he grinned. "Why...a hotel...but we...why a hotel?" "Because...I can't spend the night, you know that. But...we're always in public, or on my land outside. We never get this. And I wanted this." "So you...a hotel room...for a night? Or a couple hours or..." "We have it for the night but I can't stay the entire time. You can if you want." "Oh," she nodded slowly. "Okay." "Are you okay with this?" he frowned slightly. "If you're not...we can just do something else." "No, no, I'm...I'm good with this," she nodded. "I'm...I mean, we haven't...and yeah...I'm good with this." "Mer...I know we haven't," he murmured, grabbing her chin to force her to look at him. "We...I've had sex with you more times than I can count, I'm actually kind of sure we've set some records. But...I've never really had sex with you. We're together now and I...I wanted to give you this." "We've never really had sex?" she raised an eyebrow. "Because I'm pretty sure we've...in many different ways." "Oh you have no idea what real sex with me is like." "Oh really?" "I may blow your mind." "You really like yourself, Derek," she giggled, leaning forward to kiss him. "You really like me too," he smiled against her lips. "Inside?" "Definitely," she breathed. "Inside," he nodded, jumping out of the car and handing his keys to the valet at the same time as going to open Meredith's door. "Definitely, definitely inside," she nodded, grabbing his hand and following him inside to the hotel. "Der...this is..." "What?" "Really, really nice." "Well...yeah," he shrugged. "Did you really think I was going to bring you to some seedy hotel to get some action?" "I...I don't know," she giggled. "But not this...I mean..it's wow." "I go all out for my girl." "Apparently," she laughed, kissing him again as they moved to check in. "I promised Hannah I'd wake her up when I got home so I definitely have to go home but if you want to crash here I can pick you up in the morning," Derek offered as he grabbed the key. "I...maybe," she shrugged. "I don't want you to waste money on a hotel room for a couple hours." "Oh this is definitely not wasting money," he winked. "And who said anything about a couple hours?" "It's going to be more than a couple of hours?" she raised an eyebrow as they moved towards the elevator. "Definitely," he smiled. "How long are you thinking?" she asked quietly. "I don't really have a time frame in mind," he shrugged. "As many as we can till we're both ready to collapse." "Oh," she breathed, turning to him as the elevator doors closed. "So um...we're going to...you said food?" "I was thinking we could order room service." "Room service sounds good," she nodded as she moved closer to him. "It does," he grinned. "Strawberries and champagne." "And chocolate?" "We can do chocolate." "Good," she nodded, leaning into him, her hands moving up and down his chest. "Hmm..." he sighed. "Happy?" "Very," she nodded, kissing him gently. "Good," he smiled. "I've been planning this forever." "We've only been together a month, Der," she giggled. "Fine...I've been planning it for a month." "That's what I thought," she laughed. "We need some real alone time," he sighed. "We do," she echoed. "We're always...around people." "I know," he nodded. "It's hell." "Complete hell," she whispered as the elevator doors opened. "Tonight it's just us. I told Mom I can't be reached unless it's a real emergency." "Good," Meredith breathed, kissing him deeply as he opened the door. "Here you go," he breathed, pulling her back slightly to push her into the door way. She didn't bother looking around the room as she kissed him again, pushing him against the door, causing it to slam shot as her hands moved over his body, reaching for his blazer and pushing it off his shoulders quickly. "Derek," she whispered. "Mer..." he groaned, pulling her tight to him. "Food...later..." "Good," she moaned as her fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. "Not hungry." "Me neither," he gasped, yanking at the bottom of her shirt, trying to get it over her head. Her fingers clawed at his shirt, finally managing to get it off, some buttons popping as she shoved the shirt to the floor. His own hands fumbled at the hem at the sweater until finally, she was standing in front of him in her bra. He immediately ducked his head down and ran his tongue over the line of her bra, causing her to gasp slightly. "Derek..." "Oh god, you taste good," he murmured, wrapping his arms around her and hoisting her up to carry her to the bed, his mouth not leaving her chest or neck as he walked. He was over her the second she hit the bed, his tongue lapping at her skin, his teeth nipping it gently. She groaned and let her hands move to his pants, as they shook desperately as she tried to get them off him. "Derek, god," she murmured, quickly trying to undo the fly of his jeans as he ran small bites over her breasts. He moved to pull her up to a sitting position as he quickly undid her bra, tossing it aside as he took an erect nipple into her mouth. She moaned loudly, her entire body starting to shake with anticipation as she pushed his jeans over his hips. "This is..." he breathed against her chest, as he worked away his own pants. "This...slow...I wanted slow." "It's...slower than usual," she giggled breathlessly, falling back onto the bed as she kissed him hard. "God you're amazing," he groaned, his hand cupping her breast. "Derek," she murmured, her hips rising off the bed, the denim moving against the fabric of his boxers. "We can do slow later," he shrugged, his hands going to claw her pants, dragging them and her panties down over her hips. "Much later," she nodded, her own hands moving to push his boxers off as she raised her hips up to rub her wet folds against his erection. "Fuck," he groaned. "God I've missed this." "Me too," she moaned, rubbing faster over him, both of their bodies shaking violently. "Mer...I...I need you now," he breathed. "Now, yes...please." "Meredith," he gasped as he slipped inside her and held her tightly for a second before rocking back out, his movements slow and deliberate as he crashed his mouth against hers, kissing her deeply. "Oh, shit," she moaned into his mouth, holding him in her for a moment before releasing his penis, his movements still slow as he rocked into her again, both of them moaning in pleasure. His hands stabilized him against the mattress as he moved faster into her, her own hands moving to his shoulders, clutching him desperately as she panted heavily. "God," he grunted, pushing harder into her as her body quivered underneath him, her skin warming underneath his as he rubbed hard against her. Her hands moved along his back, clawing desperately as she shook harder, her body pitching toward release. "Oh god...Derek!" she screamed, her fingernails digging into his back as an orgasm washed over, shaking her body hard as he thrusted harder and faster into her, following her into release moments later. "That was...oh..." he breathed, letting himself collapse on top of her. "God," she panted, her chest heaving as she ran her hands over his sweaty curls. "Wow," he murmured. "Just...wow." "Wow...definitely....oh wow." "You're...god I missed that." "Me...me too," she nodded desperately. "Hmmm..." he breathed, rolling off her and pulling her back into his arms. "Just...thank you," she murmured, kissing him lightly as she wrapped her legs around him. "For what?" "Hotel," she nodded. "I...I missed that." "So did I," he sighed, kissing her cheek. "Hmmm," she murmured, nuzzling his chest. "Mer?" "Yeah?" "I...I...Iloveyou." "You...you love me," she nodded. "You love me and I...I think...no...I definitely...I love you too." "You do?" "Yeah," she nodded slowly. "Oh," he grinned. "That's...good." "Yeah," she breathed, moving to look at him. "It's big. And scary and...but good works." "Good definitely works." "Great works too," she whispered, rolling over, her legs still around his waist as she kissed him. "Can I say it again?" "Yeah," she nodded, running her hands over his curls. "I love you, Meredith Grey." "I love you too, Derek Shepherd," she whispered, kissing him again before moving her hands up and down his body. Can't close my eyes when I'm with you Insatiable the way I'm loving you Disclaimer: If we owned the show we would have actually sent them to wine country. And the episode would have been something like this update. Which actually isn't allowed on television. As it's 18+...but still, it's what we had in mind. She loved him. She loved him. And now he was sipping at his glass of champagne and staring at her and she was probably going to yell at him pretty soon. But he couldn't stop watching her. He hadn't meant to say it. When he had made the plans for nothing it really hadn't been in his mind to tell her. And then he had to say it, it just slipped out. And she said it back. She loved him. After it had slipped out, he had been sure she would freak out. He had been entirely sure she would jump up and pull her clothes on, or what was left of the clothes he had torn off, and march out of the hotel room. But instead, after a very slight ramble, she had said it. She loved him too. They loved each other. And now he was starting to wonder if he sounded like a teenage girl. "I love you," he murmured, running his fingers over her calf, because now that he had said it once he couldn't stop saying it." "You do realize that in the past hour, you've said that once every thirty seconds?" she giggled, licking the spoon from her chocolate mousse. "I like saying it," he shrugged, feeling his cheeks heat up slightly. "You really are cheesy," she rolled her eyes, leaning forward slightly, her naked breasts edging closer to him. "Try this." "Try what?" he whispered, staring at her chest. "The chocolate mousse," she murmured, holding it out to him, spreading her legs only slightly as she sat up. "Oh...mousse," he nodded, opening his mouth so she could place her fork in. "It's...amazing," she breathed, drawing the utensil back as he swallowed the dessert. "Hmmm..." he moaned softly. "Amazing." "Told you so," she smirked, laying back agains the pillows as she took another bite, her legs still spread. "You were right," he nodded, putting his champagne glass on the bedside table. "Of course I was. It's chocolate mousse. Kind of guaranteed to be amazing." "True," he nodded, taking the plate out of her hands. "What...I wasn't done," she pouted. "You are," he smirked. "Oh really? And what gives you the right to decide that?" "Because you love me," he grinned, shifting in the bed till he was kneeling in front of her. "Love doesn't mean you get to steal my dessert." "Fine," he sighed. "Because I want to make you scream my name. Or maybe just moan it." "Oh," she breathed. "Round two." "Round two," he nodded. "I like round two," she nodded eagerly as she shifted on the bed, moving towards him. "Good," he murmured, dipping the rest of the way down to brush his lips along hers. "Hmm," she sighed as she deepened the kiss, her her hands moving to his ass to move him up and over her, his hip bones brushing against hers. "Der, now, please." "No," he whispered against her lips, running his hand over her breast and along her stomach. "Slow." "Slow?" "Very slow," he breathed, lowering his head to kiss her again, letting his tongue slowly move into her mouth. She deepened the kiss, her tongue entwining with his as her hands moved from his ass to his hair, tugging slightly as his hands stroked her body gently. "Hmmm..." he groaned softly into her mouth, smoothing his fingers over the skin, caressing her body softly as he kissed her. "Derek," she breathed, pulling back slightly to catch her breath before kissing him again. He continued to deepen the kiss, his tongue learning her mouth slowly and methodically as he ran his hands over her curves, for once really getting to learn them. "Mer..." he whispered, finally tearing his mouth away from hers and moving his lips to her jaw line, running his tongue along her skin, letting his teeth lightly tug at certain spots as his hands continued the exploration of her body. "This is...slow," she breathed, her chest heaving slightly as she struggled to regain her breath after their slight make out session. He could feel her body tingling, shaking slightly as he ran his hands over her, resting them on her hip bones as he continued to bite slightly, loving the slight moans coming from her. "It is," he murmured, moving his mouth lower as one hand found her hair and pulled her head back, exposing her neck further as he began to lick and nip at the soft skin on her neck. "Ever inch." "Oh," she left out a shaky breath. "That's...a lot...wow." "Hmmm..." he noddd, his tonge flicking against her lower neck, smiling as she shivered underneath him. "Didn't know that was there." "Torture," she shivered as he repeated the action. "You're...torturing.' "Yes," he groaned, rubbing his erection against her before moving his mouth lower, running his tongue along her collar bone, his hands moving up and down her amrs. "You're so damn beautiful." "Der," she moaned as her hips rose off the bed, rubbing her wet folds against his throbbing erection. "Derek...I...god." He moved his hands down to her hips, pushing them back down on the bed as his lips moved to her right shoulder, spreading soft kisses down the column of her neck to the shoulder, biting at the spot where they met. "Derek." "Beg as much as you want," he whispered, as he pinned her arms above her head, his motuh exploring her chest as she tried to rock against him again, being only met with him pulling his body back. "You're...oh god," she groaned as he took a nipple into his mouth, his tongue swirling over it as her body shook against his again, her hands struggling against his as he kept them pinned above her head. "Mer..." he breathed against her chest as moved to her other nipple, sucking on it gently as she bucked against him. "Please," she pleaded, her voice hitching in her throat as she moaned loudly. His teeth lightly grazed over her nipple before pulling away, spreading soft kisses and softer bites on the taut skin of her abdomen. "Slow," he murmured, running his tongue around her belly button, letting go of her hands so he could grasp her hips again, pushing them down as she tried to push into him. "But...but..." she stammered, her own hands moving to his hips, trying to push him into her, trying to force him to move against him as her body trembled. He shook his head slightly as he moved away from her, running his tongue along her rocking hips. "Mer..." he whispered, his breath causing her to shake more as she tried desperately to push into him, her head thrashing against the pillow as he moved his mouth lower, kissing her thighs as she tugged at his hair. She pulled roughly at his curls, her moans crescendoing as he pushed her right leg up, biting at the sensitive skin of her inner thighs as her body rose off the bed, sweat already building at her temples. "Derek...Der...please..." "I love the begging," he laughed breathessly, as he moved his mouth away from her center, moving to run his tongue along her thighs, exploring the ridges of her knees before kissing her calves. "I...I...hate...oh god!" she gasped, her eyes popping open as he ran his tongue over her big toe before taking it into his mouth, sucking gently as she bit her lip, her hands fisting the sheets. "Going to come already?" he asked pulling back slightly to run his tongue over the rest of her toes. "I...almost," she shook her head, panting as he moved his head back up again, repeating his movements against her other leg. "You can," he murmured, licking around her ankle and running his tongue down her foot to swirl his tongue around her big toe. "Oh...fuck....god!" she screamed, her body tensing for a moment as she pulled the sheets tighter in her hands, her entire body shaking. "Hmmm..." he breathed, releasing her toe and moving over her agian, kissing her hard as he pushed a finger inside of her, smiling as he felt her clench around him, her body still shaking. She gasped at the feel of his finger inside her, thrusting deep in her, her body trembling with the aftershocks of her first orgasm, her head still thrashing back and forth on the pillow. He took a nipple into his mouth again as he pushed a second finger into her, pushing deeper and deeper into her while flicking her swollen clit with a third finger. "Der...god...oh god. Oh...god." "Mer..." he groaned, thrusting his fingers into her slowly, continuing to flick at her clit as he moved his mouth lower again. She rocked hard against him as he slipped his fingers out, moving his hand away and spreading her legs apart. "Please," she pleaded loudly. "Please...oh god, Derek, please." "Begging is so hot," he grunted, running his tongue along her wet folds slowly. "Hmmmm...." "Bastard," she moaned loudly as he took her clit into his mouth, sucking eagerly before thrusting three fingers into her, grinning slightly when he felt her body begin to shake violently again. "Come again," he ordered, his voice shakey as he explored her folds with his tongue, his fingers thrusting in and out of her. He thrusted his fingers harder into her, finding the small bundle of nerves within her and rubbing hard, his tongue still working against her clit as she moaned loudly. Her fingers found his hair and she grasped them tightly as her body shook and shook, her hips rising to meet his lips. "Derek! I...oh fuck...oh god...I can't...oh god!" "Mer...Mer..." he gasped, as he pulled his fingers out and moved his mouth away, feeling his own body tremble as he pressed kisses along her stomach. "I need you." "Pl...please," she nodded quickly, her eyes closed tightly. "Meredith...." he breathed, her name coming out on a hitch as he thrusted gently into her. "Oh god." "Thank...god...Derek," she moaned as her muscles clenched around him, her orgasm finally ending before she released him. "I...I love you..." he grunted as he moved into her slowly, his mouth gently finding hers again as his hands began the exploration of her body. "I...too," she moaned against his lips as her hips rose against his, forcing him deeper into her. "Hmmm..." he groaned, letting his hands rest on her hips as they settled into a slow pace, him thrusting deeply into her, before slowly pulling back and repeating the process as she trembled under him. Her hands moved around him, digging her fingernails into his back, her breath coming in small pants as she kissed him deeply. "Derek..please...faster. Please." "Faster..." he gasped, moving quicker, clinging to her hips as he rocked into her, kissing her again, nibbling softly on her bottom lip. "Oh...god," she breathed into his mouth, their hips moving against each other as he rocked harder and faster into her. "Derek...god." "Mer...Mer..." he murmured, his head falling onto the pillow beside her as he rocked into her, losing control of his movements as his body began to tremble. "I'm...Derek, I'm...oh fuck," she screamed as her body shook against his and she moved her legs around him, tightening around his waist as her hands fell to the bed, grasping the sheets as orgasms came in waves and waves over her. "Derek!" "God..." he groaned as he pushed into her one last time, emptying into her before collapsing on top of her. "Oh..." she breathed as one last orgasm washed over her, her body trembling before she finally relaxed, her fists releasing the sheets. "I...you...oh..." he breathed, his chest heaving against hers. "Shit," she murmured, shaking her head. "Can't...spinning." "Told...told...told you you hadn't seen the best," he murmured. "Where...how...are you...how?" she stammered. "How?" he frowned. "How do you...how did you...so much spinning." "Skills," he laughed breathless, pressing a kiss on her forehead. "Spinning...can't...stroke. I'm...stroke," she panted, raising a shaky hand to push a curl off his forehead. "It's not a stroke," he shook his head. "It...I think...yeah...no thinking." "Hmm..." he sighed, kissing her lightly before rolling off of her. "That was...amazing." "Completely," she said after a second. "Yeah," he breathed, running his still shakey fingers through her hair. "Just...god, Derek," she sighed, turning to cuddle against his sweaty chest. "Told you," he smirked, hugging her tightly. "This...best idea ever," she nodded. "I know," he breathed. "We needed this." "We...we did," she sighed, moving out of his arms to grab her plate of chocolate mousse. "Seriously?" he laughed. "I'm hungry," she shrugged, taking a bite of the chocolate mousse and moaning slightly. "Five minutes ago you were having a stroke." "Five minutes ago I had just finished having around six orgasms...in a row." "God, I'm good." "I never should have told you that." "Mer...I kind of knew," he pointed out, stealing a bite of mousse. "Well...yeah, but if I say it, that means you get to be all cocky and...Dereky," she countered, giggling as she fed him another bite. "I am Derek. I get to be Dereky by definition," he laughed. "Now you're probably going to walk around and think you're the best ever. Which, well...no, I'm not saying that," she shook her head, taking another bite of mousse. "You were going to say I am the best ever." "I was not." "You were," he grinned. "This is why I love you." "Because my brain is scrambled by multiple orgasms and I'm not thinking straight?" "No...because you think I'm the best ever." "Because my brain is scrambled by multiple orgasms and I'm not thinking straight." "Which actually goes to prove I'm the best ever." "I may have to end this relationship. You're ego might suffocate me." "You just have to build yours up a little," Derek laughed. "How do you think Mark and I have coexisted for so long?" "I have no idea," Meredith giggled before putting the plate down and turning in his arms, running her hand softly over his chest hair. "Hmm..." he groaned happily. "Are you going to stay here?" "Yeah," she breathed, wrapping a leg over him. "Good," he nodded. "I wish I could stay with you." "You..." she bit her lip, shaking her head slightly. "You have to go home to Hannah." "I know," he nodded. "But this would be nice." "It would be," she whispered. "Eventually...once Hannah is used to things...we'll get to do this. Maybe go to wine country for a weekend." "Wine country?" she raised an eyebrow. "Yeah," he nodded. "Napa Valley...maybe Sonoma." "You've been thinking about this," she nodded. "I have. Is that okay?" "It's...yeah," she sighed. "I just...we're moving kind of fast. Not bad fast. I'm not...I'm not freaking out or trying to take anything back. It's just...fast." "Mer...no wine country anytime soon. My daughter throws a fit when I go on a date half the time. That's...it's a while before we get away." "I know. I know that." "Stop freaking out." "I'm not freaking out." "You kind of are." "Derek, I'm not freaking out," she looked up at him. "I'm just...I love you. I love you and it's big and scary and...I'm not freaking out." "You kind of are. But if you love me...I don't care." "Well, I do love you. And I'm not freaking out. I'm just not. Not freaking out. At all. There is no freaking out here." "You said freaking out like ten times." "Blame it on the stroke." "Fine," he sighed, kissing her quickly. "I actually kind of figured you'd run out after I said it the first time so this is good." "I almost did," she murmured. "But I...I do love you." "Good." "Even if you gave me a stroke and made me entirely exhausted by eleven o'clock at night," she yawned. "I'm pretty sure it was worth it." "Completely," she mumbled, nuzzling his chest. "Go to sleep," he murmured. "I'll stay here till you do." "Okay," she sighed after a second, tightening her grasp on him. "What time do you work tomorrow?" he whispered. "Um...late...eightish." "Good," he nodded. "I'll drop Hannah off at school and come and get you." "Okay.” "I love you." "I love you too," she whispered. "Goodnight," he murmured, kissing her lightly and pulling her close. "Night, Der," she mumbled, falling asleep a second later, her grasp still tight on him. This had been his best idea ever. It wasn't the first time he had thought that of an idea but he was pretty sure this was it. They had needed this. He loved his daughter, he loves Meredith being around his daughter. And he loved taking Meredith to movies and to restaurants and anywhere else he thought of. But this had been perfect. They had needed this. It had been the first time since they had known each other that they had slept together somewhere outside the hospital. The first time they had actually made love instead of a ten minute quickie in an on call room. Before, he had loved those quickies, had always loved them, but they had needed this. They had needed to be alone together in private, they had needed to take their time for once. And he was keeping this like this. Even when things got better and steadier between them, there'd always be this, stolen nights together in a hotel. Because this had been amazing, this had been perfect. He really had gotten to know her body and he loved her body. He loved the way her body responded. He loved her. And he loved the fact she loved him too. He hadn't been expecting her to love him. Hadn't been expecting it to happen this fast, but nothing in the world made him happier than the knowledge that she loved him. That while she was still freaking out slightly, she was entirely in this. He hadn't been sure it would ever get to this point, had worried he was just going to be in a constant physical relationship with her, instead of something this powerful and overwhelming. He kissed her forehead gently and shifted to move out of the bed, regretting having to leave but knowing he didn't have a choice. Eventually he'd be able to hold her through the night, he knew that, he had confidence in that. So leaving her tonight sucked but that was okay. He'd see her in the morning and he'd get more nights. Hopefully a lifetime of nights. She groaned at the movement and curled into a ball, shivering slightly as she reached out for him. He fought the urge to call his mother and beg for her to stay the night as he watched her. She was entirely beautiful. Amazing. Breath taking. And he wanted nothing more than to fall asleep with her. But he couldn't. Not when Hannah was like this, not when she was convinced he wouldn't come home. They had to tell her soon. He was putting it off, he knew he was putting it off because that was a lot easier than facing the truth. Hannah adored Meredith. Hannah loved Meredith in a way he hadn't actually seen her get attached to anyone. And telling her about everything would probably change that. But they couldn't keep going like this, they needed her to accept them to keep growing. He just had no idea how to tell his daughter that Meredith was his girlfriend. That Meredith was going to start spending nights at some point, that Meredith was going to come into the life he had built for his daughter over the past six years. Hannah was already so against the idea of him dating, he couldn't imagine how she would take the news that his girlfriend was Meredith. But she'd have to. He knew that by now. At times he had considered dropping the Meredith thing, life was definitely easier before her. And a hell of a lot more lonely. He loved Meredith. Meredith was it for him and she was going to stay it for him regardless of what Hannah thought of the situation. She'd have to learn to share, to be a new kind of family unit. Because he wasn't leaving Meredith. Except he had to leave her right now. He sighed as he reached for his clothes, shaking his head slightly at the popped buttons of his shirt as he pulled it over his body. He had to get home. He had never not come home to his daughter before. He was always there in the middle of the night when she got up for a glass of water, he had to go home to her. He just hated leaving his sleeping girlfriend. Meredith got it. Which made everything a little bit greater than it was in the first place. Meredith understood that Hannah came first. Meredith understood the things he had to do, she understood why he couldn't stay with her all night and hold her tightly, no matter how badly he wanted to. And he should probably leaving instead of standing here staring at her like he had never seen her before. "You're staring at me," she suddenly mumbled, her eyes half-opening. "I'm not staring at you," he laughed softly. "You're staring at me," she nodded. "You're staring at me while I'm sleeping." "You're beautiful." "And you're creepy. Stop staring at me." "Sorry," he murmured. "I'm headed out." She paused for a second and he thought she might have fallen back asleep before she let out a breath. "I figured.' "I wish I didn't have to," he frowned. "I know," she mumbled. "Are you okay with this, Mer?" he asked, walking back over to the bed to run his hand over her hair. "Hmmm," she sighed. burrowing further into the bed. "Was that a yes?" "It was a non commital noise," she whispered. "I don't...I don't have a choice. Hannah comes first." "You come in there too." "After Hannah." "Yes," he sighed. "And you're...okay with that?" "I have to be," she murmured, stretching slightly. "Mer...are you okay with it?" "Yes." "Really yes?" "Yeah," she yawned, curling back up into a ball and pulling the blankets over herself. "Okay," he murmured. "I love you so much." "Love you too," she smiled slightly. "Good," he whispered. "See you in the morning." "Bye, Der." "Bye Mer," he sighed, pulling away. He watched her sleep for a few more seconds, just watched her before finally turning towards the door. She was okay with it. She was fine with it. He just wished that he was okay with leaving her tonight, with putting her entirely second in his life. You got this room for two, One thing I've left to do, Discover me, Discovering you.



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:53 PM Post #16
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: Katie and Alicia both can't stop staring at the EW pictures. It's like...sex or something. If we owned Grey's Anatomy, we wouldn't need a magazine. We'd have the real thing. Meredith leaned against the wall as she waited for the elevator, trying to ignore her growling stomach. She had been planning on eating lunch while studying for her intern exams with Cristina and Izzie, but her patient had coded and she had just spent the last hour writing the death note. She was starving. She was starving and she really needed to study before she went out tonight. This was hell. Being an intern and dating an attending was hard enough. Throw in an intern exam on top of that and it seemed all but impossible to manage. Especially when one considered the six year old mixed in the mess that still didn't actually know what was going on. Her life was a big pile of stress. Overly happy and perfect stress but stress all the same. Not that she had thought this would be easy. It had been one of her reasons for not wanting to date him in the first place. He had apparently forgotten what it was like to be an intern with intern exams and patients and forty-eight hour shifts. Not to mention the ballet practices she was now going to, the ice cream she joined in on, she was insanely busy. And happy. She wanted to complain but she couldn't even manage to do it in her own head. Because it was good, it was perfect kind of. Hanging out with Derek and Hannah, her nights alone with Derek. It felt a little complicated and definitely a little messy but that was okay. Life would be easier without all of this. She just wasn't sure she could live with easy at this point. The elevator doors opened and she stepped in, already slightly excited for crappy hospital food. Which was sad. Entirely sad. "Hi, Mereith." "Hannah, hi!" Meredith grinned. "What number?" the little girl asked, her usual smile missing. "One," Meredith frowned slightly. "Kay," Hannah nodded, stepping forward and pressing the button. "Something bugging you, Hannah?" Meredith asked. "Was Daddy singing again in the car?" "No," Hannah smiled for a brief second while shaking her head. "Well...what is on your mind?" Meredith asked, crouching down to Hannah's level. "I dunno," Hannah shrugged. "I think you do," Meredith nodded. "Just wanted to see you," Hannah sighed, wrapping her arms around Meredith's neck. "Oh Han, I wanted to see you too," Meredith sighed, hugging her back. "Do you want to talk?" "Dunno," Hannah shrugged again, wrapping her arms tighter around Meredith's neck. "I think you do. I'm goin for lunch...do you want to come and share my french fries?" "Can I please?" "Definitely," Meredith nodded. "Good," Hannah sighed. "I'm real hungry." "Did Daddy not make you a lunch?" "He did," Hannah nodded. "Turkey samwhich and apples and one cookie." "Did you eat it?" "Yep." "And you're still hungry?" Meredith giggled softly. "Yep," Hannah nodded. "I didn't eat snacks today." "Why not?" "Didn't want snacks." "You didn't?" Meredith frowned, grabbing Hannah's hand as the elevator stopped. "Nope. No snacks today." "Why?" "Didn't want snacks," Hannah sighed again, clutching Meredith's hand tightly. "Okay, you definitely need to talk," Meredith sighed, leading her toward the cafeteria. "You sounded like Daddy," Hannah giggled slightly. "Your Daddy is a very smart man. But don't tell him I said that." "Why not?" "Because he won't ever be quiet about it again." "Oh," Hannah nodded. "Secret." "Secret," Meredith nodded. "Do you want something to drink?" "Yes, please," Hannah bit her lip. "Milk." "Good choice," Meredith grinned. "Milk was snacks today but I didn't drink any," Hannah reported, following Meredith through the line. "Okay, Han, you really have to tell me more about this not eating snacks today," Meredith sighed. "You always eat." "It was oranges and pupcakes." "You like oranges and cupcakes." "That's what teacher said." "What did you say to the teacher?" Meredith asked, placing her tray on a table and helping Hannah into the seat. "I said I didn't want no oranges and pupcakes and milk," Hannah replied, pushing her milk over to Meredith to open before stealing a french fry. "Okay...and why didn't you?" "Dunno," Hannah shrugged. "You do know." "Uncle Monkey was apposed to eat pupcakes after ballet." "And he didn't?" "No," Hannah pouted. "So I don't want no more pupcakes." "Hannah, I'm sure Uncle Monkey had a good reason to miss it." "Nuh uh." "Did you ask him?" "Nuh uh." "Maybe you should." "Daddy told me." "Daddy told you what?" "Uncle Mark and stupid Addison," Hannah frowned, smooshing a fry between her fingers. "He didn't go for cupcakes because of Addison?" "Yep." "I'm sure he didn't mean to forget." "He didn't forget," Hannah shook her head. "He said later." "I'm sure he meant later than." "He said later last time." "Oh Han...Uncle Monkey loves you a lot." "Not no more." "He does." "And he doesn't do my dog tails or my pig ears no more," Hannah sighed sadly. "That's why it looks stupid. Daddy's real bad at dog tails." "You don't look stupid," Meredith sighed. "Have you talked to him?" "He saided he was real sorry but he had to go on a date with Addison. I hate Addison. And dates. And he got real mad when I saided it." "Have you met Addison?" "Yeah." "Is she mean?" "Not really. But I hate her." "Why do you hate her?" "Cause Uncle Mark loves her more'n me." "Uncle Monkey doesn't love anyone more than you," Meredith shook her head. "He's gonna go 'way." "No, he's not," Meredith shook her head. "He's moving out of the house you and your Daddy share but that doesn't mean he's going away." "No, he's gonna go 'way," Hannah dunked her fry in some ketchup. "No he won't. He loves you a whole lot. He won't go away." "Uncle Mark's mean. Just like Addison." "Don't you want Uncle Mark to be happy?" "Yeah. But he's real happy with me and Daddy." "I know he is," Meredith nodded. "But maybe he'll be happier living with Addison and visiting you and your Daddy a whole lot." "No he won't." "I think he will." "I don't," Hannah sighed. "I miss him lots, Mereith." "I know you do," Meredith sighed. "Have you told him that?" "No," she shook her head. "Daddy says Uncle Mark loves me lots and lots and I can't get mad at him no more." "You shouldn't get mad at him. Your daddy is right. But that doesn't mean you can't talk to him." "I guess," Hannah sighed. "Dating is real stupid, Mereith." "Oh ummm..." Meredith frowned. "It has to be hard...but your Daddy and Mark dating at the same time." "Yeah," Hannah nodded, taking another fry. "Daddy's not home to read Love You Forever and Nana reads it all wrong." "Isn't Daddy home lots of nights?" "Yeah. But not all nights. Some nights he goes dating and he leaves and he doesn't come back until real late when I'm sleeping." "Yeah," Meredith sighed. "I know. But...is Daddy happy?" "Yeah," Hannah nodded. "But...he's happy with me too. Cause I'm the bestest." "He knows you are," Meredith smiled. "Hannah, no matter who your daddy dates and what happen, he will always love you. You will always be his number one girl." "I don't think so." "I know so," Meredith nodded. "Your daddy loves you ever so much. He just...he wants some night where he can be with his other friends, other people he lo...likes." "But...who's gonna read Love You Forever?" "Maybe on nights when he's going out you can ask him to read it before he leaves?" "Nuh uh," Hannah shook her head. "Why not?" "Cause I sleep after he reads me Love You Forever." "Well now you won't. He can read it and you can go to sleep later. It's a compromise, Hannah." "What's that?" "It means you find something that can work for both of you...that you find something in the middle. Daddy would still get his dates and you'd still get your story." "But dates are real stupid." "No they aren't," Meredith shook her head. "Daddy is allowed to have his own friends." "Uncle Mark's daddy's friend." "He is. But...Uncle Mark is moving out. And you're growing up. Do you want your Daddy to be lonely?" "No," Hannah shook her head. "But I'm gonna be with Daddy forever." "You are," Meredith nodded. "But you'll have your own friends you want to do things with. And then you'll go to college and start your own family. Do you want him to be all alone?" "I'll live with daddy and my family." "Hannah..." Meredith sighed. "What?" "You can't do that. You have to let Daddy date. Just because he dates doesn't mean he's going to go away. Your daddy will never ever go away. Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye." "How do you know though?" "Because I know your daddy. And he loves you so much. He'd never leave someone he loves that much." "I guess," Hannah whispered. "Mereith?" "Yeah?" "You won't date, right?" "Oh ummm..." Meredith cleared her throat. "I'm..uh...why...why do you ask?" "Cause if you date you'll go way like Uncle Monkey. And you're my friend." "Oh...I'm not...I will always be your friend, Hannah Banana." "Good," Hannah sighed. "Don't tell Daddy I sneaked out of daycare." "Our secret," Meredith nodded. "Hannah, your daddy worries about you a whole bunch. He knows you don't like him dating but...he doesn't know what to do. You gotta help him, okay?" "He's real mad at me," Hannah whispered, tears in her eyes. "Oh honey, he's not mad at you," Meredith said quickly, getting out her chair and going to crouch in front of Hannah. "Why do you think he's mad at you?" "He yelled at me and put me in time out," the little girl's lower lip trembled. "What were you doing?" Meredith asked, running her fingers through Hannah's hair. "I got mad and I yelled and then Daddy yelled and he never, every yells." "Okay," Meredith nodded slowly. "He's...he likes seeing you happy, Hannah. He likes when you laugh and smile...so when you get mad and yell he doesn't know what to do. And sometimes when adults don't know what to do they yell." "But he was real, real mad." "So were you," Meredith pointed out. "Yeah. Cause of Uncle Monkey and cause of Daddy." "I know," Meredith nodded. "And your Daddy doesn't want you to be mad." "I know, but he never, ever, ever yells." "And I'm sure he felt really really bad about yelling." "I guess." "He definitely does," Meredith nodded. "Everything is changing a lot, isn't it?" "Yeah. A whole lot." "That's probably pretty scary." "It's stupid." "I know. Change sucks. But a lot is changing in your daddy's life too." "Like what?" Hannah asked, eating another fry. "Well, his brother is moving away so it's just going to be the two of you. And he's dating again which is a really big change. And his usually happy daughter hasn't been very happy recently." "He wants Uncle Monkey to go away," Hannah sighed. "I know he says that, but he's going to miss having him around." "Maybe," Hannah shrugged. "But I'm happy when it's me and Daddy and Uncle Monkey." "I know you are," Meredith nodded. "But sometimes things change. And sometimes that can be good." "Maybe." "Maybe," Meredith echoed. "Change is scary but you have to give it a chance.' "Will Daddy stop yelling?" "If you stop yelling." "Okay," Hannah nodded slowly. "Maybe when you're not mad and your daddy isn't mad you two should talk about him dating." "Maybe," Hannah nodded. "He's dating 'gain tonight. Nana's gonna watch me." "Do you like seeing Nana?" "Yep," Hannah grinned. "She gives me cookies." "Good," Meredith smiled. "I gotta go back to daycare fore Daddy finds out," Hannah nodded, climbing off the chair. "He'll be real mad again." "No, he won't," Meredith sighed. "You're with me." "He told me to stay in daycare. Cause he was real mad still." "Well we'll get you back," Meredith nodded. "Okay," Hannah nodded, grabbing the last few French fries and grabbing Meredith's hand. "And you really should talk to him about this. He seems really happy about dating and he just wants you to be happy too." "Maybe," Hannah nodded. "Mereith, I gotta idea." "You do?" "Yep. Stead of Nana, you can watch me tonight. And we can eat pupcakes and ice cream." "Oh...ummm...I can't, Hannah," Meredith sighed. "Cause you're real busy, right?" "Tonight, yeah," Meredith nodded. "But...we can do that another night. Maybe later this week if your daddy has to work or date...I can come over and we can hang out, just the two of us." "Okay," Hannah nodded as they walked towards the daycare. "And eat pupcakes and ice cream?" "Yep," Meredith grinned. "I'll talk to your daddy to see what other nights he's busy this week and I'll tell him I'll come over one of those nights." "Good," Hannah smiled. "But don't tell Daddy we're eating pupcakes and ice cream." "I won't," Meredith giggled. "I'll tell him we're going to have a girls' night." "I never had a girl's night 'fore." "They’re a lot of fun," Meredith smiled. "I can do your hair, and you can do mine. And we can watch movies and talk about boys and anything else you want to do." "Boys?" Hannah scrunched her nose. "Maybe not boys," Meredith giggled. "No boys," Hannah shook her head quickly. "Boys got cooties. But I gotta cootie shot." "There's cootie shots?" "Yep. Don't you got one?" "I don't," Meredith frowned. "Where can I get one?" "I can give you one." "Oh good," Meredith nodded. "You gotta roll up your sleeves." "Okay," Meredith smiled, rolling up the sleeve of her shirt. "It goes like this," Hannah sighed, her finger starting to draw a circle on Meredith's arm. "Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you got your cootie shot!" "Why thank you, Hannah Banana," Meredith giggled. "I'm safe now." "You are," Hannah grinned. "No boys are gonna give you cooties now." "Good," Meredith nodded. "Yep," Hannah hugged Meredith around the waist. "Bye, Mereith." "Bye Hannah," Meredith sighed, hugging her tightly. "I'll see you really soon for girls' night. Promise." "Okay," Hannah grinned before turning and running into daycare. Meredith watched her for a second before turning to head back upstairs trying to remember to keep breathing. Derek was in the middle of a surgery, she couldn't freak out at him right now. And she needed to. Because Hannah was completely terrified and completely confused and there was only so much Meredith could do. Especially considering that she was the woman stealing Hannah's daddy away. They had to tell her. They couldn't keep hiding it from her. It wasn't fair to keep hiding this from the adorable six year old who was scared about things changing and throwing tantrums. They just had to tell her. There wasn't any other choice. They had to sit down and tell her. And hopefully Hannah would be okay with it. Hopefully Hannah would still want a girl's night after they told her. Disclaimer: Alicia now owns the Paddy doll. Katie will soon own it. We take this as being the second best thing to owning Paddy. Which we don't actually own. But we would if we owned the show. He scrubbed his hands again, harder than usual. Stress tended to make him do that. He was usually on a high after a surgery, he was usually in a great mood and feeling nothing that resembled stress. Of course usually his daughter smiled a lot and giggled and jumped around. She didn't usually pout and scream and throw things around. That would lead to a man being stressed out. He wasn't sure what to do about any of this. Everyone had warned him about tantrums when Hannah was two. He had waited for two years, waited for her to scream and kick and throw things. It had never come. For whatever reason, his adorable daughter hadn't succumbed to the terrible twos or threes. But now, he was suddenly wishing she had, because at least he would know what to do now. He got it, he knew why she was freaking out. Mark was barely around anymore and when he was it always seemed ike there was somewhere else he wanted to be. And he was dating again. Him and Meredith were trying so hard to make all of that work, and he thought they were doing well, or as well as could be expected. But added Mark leaving in there and everything was going to hell. Things were changing. Drastically changing, and Hannah wasn't used to change. She wasn't used to her little world being rocked, which was exactly what was happening. From the second she had been born, it had been the three of them. She had never known anything different, and suddenly, everything was changing. He knew she had no idea what to do, no idea how to adapt yet. And he was doing everything he knew how to do to help her. He was reading the books and he was trying to listen to their suggestions. He knew he had to tell her it was Meredith soon and he could only help that would help but for now he was trying. He was making sure he was still there, that he saw her sometime after school and between any date. And he came home every night to her. But instead of getting better, things were getting worse. Much worse. She threw temper tantrums almost daily, and screamed about how much she hated him and Mark. He had never really yelled at her, never really punished her, because she rarely continued once he threatened punishment. But now he was sending her to bed early, putting her in time out, and it was killing him. He was toying with the idea of getting Kathleen to suggest a child therapist to help. It would help. Because there was no way this change couldn't happen, this change had to happen and he fully believed that once everything was settled again, Hannah would love the change. But this transition was killing them and her talking to someone might help. But he didn't want to resort to that. He was her father. He was supposed to parent her and love her and figure this out for her. He wasn't ready to hand this over to anyone yet. He had to try to do this, had to try to help her. "Hey, Shep," Mark grinned as he came into the scrub room. "Hey," Derek grunted, not looking up at his brother. "So apparently, I'm a crap boyfriend," Mark rolled his eyes. "Apparently I don't understand romance." "You don't," Derek shrugged. "I get romance," Mark frowned. "Flowers, candles, that kind of crap." "That's not romance, that's cheesy." "Oh, and you're so fucking brilliant?" "Better than you." "Renting a hotel room to get some isn't romantic, Shep," Mark shook his head. "I do that kind of crap all the time." "Yeah, I know you do," Derek nodded. "Hence my daughter screaming bloody murder this morning." "What?" "Uncle Mark wasn't there to do her hair this morning. Or yesterday. Or the day before that." "She didn't actually call me Uncle Mark again did she?" Mark groaned. "It's all she's called you for quite some time, Mark." "I told her I was sorry," Mark sighed. "I'll eat cupcakes with her tomorrow." "Really? Because she keeps hearing that one too. I'm pretty sure she's damn sick of the word tomorrow." "Derek, I'm sorry," Mark groaned. "I love her. She's Hannah Banana." "Mark, I know that. I'm forty years old, I understand what's going on with you. I know you love her," Derek groaned. "I'm not the one that's confused. I'm not the one screaming every morning because Daddy has to do her hair." "You've been telling me to move the fuck out for five years," Mark growled. "Now that I'm getting around to it you're on my ass about not being around." "Mark, I wanted you to move out...I didn't want you to run out of my daughter's life." "I'm not running out." "That's what it feels like to her." "Yeah, well, I'm not. I'll do her hair tomorrow." "Will you? Because if I tell her that and then you don't show up, it makes me the bad father. And just because you want to be a crap ass uncle doesn't mean I have to look like a crap ass father." "How the hell am I being a crap ass uncle?" Mark frowned. "You're not there. You're never actually there. You're always running off with Addison." "She's my girlfriend, Derek. What the hell am I supposed to do? Do what you do and give as little as possible to the relationship to make Hannah feel better?" "What the hell are you talking about?" "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You take Meredith to a hotel like some worthless fling or some shit," Mark shook his head. "All so Hannah doesn't find out that her daddy is dating and in love. I'm not going to be you. If that makes me a crap ass uncle, fine." "I'm not treating Meredith like some worthless fling, she gets this. She knows what's going on and we're telling her soon. It's not our fault that she's already entirely stressed because of you." "So it's entirely my fault?" "No, it's not entirely your fault, I know the way my life is going is affecting her, I know that. But at least I'm trying here." "I'm trying too," Mark groaned. "I'm going for cupcakes tomorrow, I'll try to get my ass home early in the morning." "She misses her uncle," Derek groaned. "She has no idea what's going on but she thinks she's losing you. And she's terrified she's going to loose me too." "So tell her I still love her," Mark shrugged. "She knows I do." "No, actually she doesn't. She's six years old." "What the hell do you want me to do, Shep?" "Try to make her see that you're still part of her life. Because as far as she knows you love Addison. And to a six year that means you can't love her anymore." "That's ridiculous," Mark rolled his eyes. "I love her like she's my own kid. If I ever wanted kids. I'd be a crap dad." "Mark, I'm not the one questioning your feelings. Did it ever occur to you to even talk to her about this?" "I did," Mark nodded. "She met Addison, they liked each other, I told her I still loved her and she was my best girl." "And you think that's enough?" "Better than you've done." "Meredith and I are working on things but we're going to talk to her. Soon." "Derek, I'll talk to her. Over cupcakes and chocolate milk tomorrow," Mark said as he started washing his hands. "Good," Derek nodded. "Are you planning on following it up with actually trying to make some time for her?" "I'll see what I can do." "You'll see what you can do?" "She can't be the center of my life anymore," Mark sighed. "Trust me, I miss her too. But she can't be the center of my life anymore." "Mark, I get that, and I'm happy for you. I am. I'm not asking you to make her the center of your life, just part of it." "She is a part of it." "She doesn't know that," Derek groaned. "I'm not asking you to change everything Mark. But stop cancelling on her for lame reasons. If you make plans with her don't drop it just because you're having fun with Addison." "Christ, Shep, I said I'd talk to her, I said I'd hang out with her, leave it the hell alone and stop getting on my ass just so you can feel better about whatever the hell you're doing." "Mark, I'm trying to watch out for my daughter here." "I know you are. But she's not only pissed off at me," Mark pointed out. "I know that." "Then get off my ass about it," Mark sighed, moving around him to go into the OR. "I'll come home tonight before she goes to bed." "Can I tell her that?" "You can tell her that." "Good," Derek nodded. "If you fuck up I'll have your ass." "I won't fuck up," Mark growled, going into the OR, the door swinging shut behind him. He hadn't actually meant to do that. He definitely hadn't meant to yell at Mark, even if Mark definitely deserved it. Mark wasn't even trying. Mark was so caught up in Addison that he didn't even notice what Hannah was going through. Hannah was going through hell and he needed it to stop. That's basically all he cared about right now, getting his happy daughter back. But still, he hadn't planned on going off on his friend like that. Talking to him, yes, but going off on him, no. He knew that was not the way to get Mark to do anything, especially since Mark was now pissed at him. Which was just another person on the list of people who were mad at him. Now he just needed Meredith on the list and his day would officially go to hell. He just hoped Mark would start holding up his end. He knew Mark wasn't doing this on purpose, he knew Mark loved Hannah more than anything, but he wasn't acting like it right now. And he had no idea how to change things with Meredith until at least the Mark thing was settled. Hannah was going through enough with losing her uncle. He needed that to level out. He leaned against the sink, pinching the bridge of his nose to fight off the headache that was starting to build. This was a mess, a complete mess, and now he was seriously consider rescheduling with Mer tonight, which only made the headache worse. "Hey." Derek smiled at the familiarity of the voice as he turned around to look at her. "I have never been so happy to see you." "You look awful," she sighed, walking forward and wrapping her arms around his waist. "It's been one of those dayes," he sighed, wrapping his arms around her and crushing her to him. "Der...breathing," she giggled slightly. "Don't care," he murmured. "I need this." "Then me making it worse..." "You came to make my day worse?" he asked, frowning deeply. "I wasn't planning on it," she whispered. "But...well..." "As long as it's not you ending this I can take it." "Definitely not me ending it," she shook her head quickly. "I...why would I end it? Unless...you don't want to end it, right?" "God no," he shook his head quickly, squeezing her tightly. "Just one of those days that have me waiting for the next shoe to drop." "Okay, good," Meredith smiled softly. "On call room to talk?" "Sure," he nodded, releasing her to grab her hand. "You have to swear not to get mad at Hannah," she said as they walked down the hallway towards a nearby on call room. "Oh god...what did she do?" "Swear not to get mad at her," Meredith insisted. "I swore I wouldn't tell and if you're going to get mad then I'm not going to." "I won't get mad," he nodded. "She snuck out of daycare." "I told her not to do that," he groaned. "That wasn't mad, just an observation." "That's what she said," Meredith sighed, ducking into the on call room. "Derek, we have to tell her." "What? Why?" "She's...she's scared, Derek. She's completely scared." "I know that, Mer," he sighed. "I know." "She didn't eat snacks today," Meredith pointed out. "Apparently she's boycotting pup---cupcakes because Mark skipped out on them yesterday." "Yeah, I just talked to Mark about that," Derek sighed. "Or yelled at him." "But it's not only Mark," she whispered. "It's...us. It's totally us." "I know..." he murmured, starting to pace around the room. "I know it's us. I know she hates this, she hates that I'm dating and that she's supposed to share me and this is...bad. Really entirely bad. I know that." "She kept talking about you not being home for bedtime stories and...she's just scared." "Meredith, I know!" Derek snapped. "I know this is hell. I want us to be happy. Me, you, Hannah, Mark...hell, Addison. I want this to be easy and it's not. This isn't easy and I'm thinking I'm probably close to a nervous break down." "Der," she sighed. "I'm not...I'm not trying to make this is worse." "I know," he murmured. "This isn't your fault, I know that. It's no one's fault. We're in hell and I don't even get to blame anyone. Except for maybe me since I didn't think of this when she was a baby and I decided not to date." "We're not in hell," she stated firmly. "I'm not in hell." "It sure feels like it sometimes." "Really?" she looked up at him. "Because it doesn't...I'm perfectly happy." "Mer...you are?” "I...Derek, it sucks sometimes. It does. It completely sucks sometimes but I...I took a chance and it's...it's good. It's a good thing and I'm really happy and yeah, it sucks that we can't...but I'm happy. And...I mean, you're happy right? I thought you were happy." "Oh Mer...I'm happy. I love you and this is...in a lot of ways it's perfect. I'm happy." "Okay," she sighed. "That's...that's good. Really good. Because I love you and that would have been really bad if you didn't...if you weren't happy. Really, really bad. So that's...it's good. And um...yeah. Anyway, we have to tell her. Really, really soon. Nowish." "You're right, I know you're right. But...I don't know how.” "Me neither," she whispered, falling on the bed. "But, Derek...she thinks you're going to leave her. She thinks you won't love her anymore and I can't...I don't want to be responsible for that." "I know you don't. She...I'm doing everything I can think of." "Except telling her. About us." "I know, we have to do that." "We really do, Der. Like...I think...now would be good. Or soonish or...something." "Soonish. Oh god...you're right, I know you're right but this...it's going to change...everything. And I...I don't know how to do this." "You know I don't," Meredith chewed on her bottom lip. "I know you don't. Just...you're so...you've completely become her stability. You're the only one she talks to right now and you've helped her so much. But once she knows...she won't have that anymore." "I know," she whispered. "I know." "That's why I keep putting it off," he admitted quietly. "I don't want to take that away from her." "Because she's going to hate me," Meredith groaned. "Because I'm stealing her daddy away." "You're not stealing her daddy," he shook his head. "And she won't hate you. She won't be thrilled and she...it's going to change everything but she won't hate you." "You don't know that." "Yes, I do. She will probably say that she hates you but she won't mean it, she never does." "I know but..." Meredith shook her head. "We have to, Der." "I know. I know." "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Why are you sorry?" he frowned. "For...complicating everything. You and Hannah were happy and she wasn't...I complicated everything." "Oh Mer...don't be sorry for that. As much as I kind of feel like pulling my hair out...I love this complication." "Don't pull your hair out," she giggled, grabbing his hand and pulling him onto the bed. "I like the hair. Even if it is stupid perfect." "It is kind of perfect, isn't it?" he laughed softly. "You're so cocky," she smiled, running her fingers through his curls. "Mer...this is, it's a mess and if you were anyone else...I'd be running in the opposite direction." "Me too," she sighed. "I keep...sometimes running sounds really good." "I know it does," he murmured. "But, Der," she breathed, leaning forward to kiss him gently, "I can't. And I don't...I don't want to." "Good," he smiled, running his fingers through her hair. "It's not just Hannah that turns to you for stability." "No one should turn to me for stability," she sighed. "I'm not...I mean...definitely not stable. No stability here." "Really? Because the second I'm with you all the rushing around in my brain just stops." "You really are kind of cheesy," she shook her head. "No, Mer, that's just entirely the truth." "I love you," she breathed, kissing him again. "I love you too," he sighed. "And we'll talk to her." "Maybe...I'm not trying to...but maybe tonight." "Tonight?" "Der, I said soonish." "Can't soonish be a year from now?" "Derek!" "Sorry," he sighed. "Tonight...yeah, tonight." "If you...you don't have to, Der," she shook her head. "I'm not...you're...you can make the decision. If you don't want her to know yet that's...it's fine. I get it." "What did I do to deserve you?" "Probably something really bad." "Definitely not," he sighed, kissing her gently. "Tonight...tonight would be...scary but...tonight." "So no date tonight," she sighed. "Nope," he whispered. "You could...come over for dinner and after supper we can...talk." "Okay," she nodded. "Talk." "Yeah," he sighed. "Talk." "And then...my intern tests are in two weeks." "Oh crap," he sighed. "I've been so stressed that I completely forgot. Have you been studying?" "Trying to," she said sheepishly. "No more dates," he shook his head. "For the next two weeks you're studying and I'll help." "Seriously?" "Seriously," he nodded. "You're going to kick this test's ass." "I hope so," she murmured. "You are," he smiled. "Okay but tonight...tonight there's...talking with Hannah and...talking." "It will be...it's going to be bad." "You're supposed to be the bright and shiny one, Derek." "I know," he nodded. "It will be fine in the long run." "Unless she absolutely hates me." "Hannah won't hate you. That I know." "She hates Addison, Derek." "That's different," Derek sighed. "Addison wasn't her friend, they never bonded and still haven't. She's just the evil lady with red hair as Hannah called her this morning. You could never be that." "I guess," Meredith sighed. "She won't." "Okay, Der," she fell back against the pillow. "So...do you...I don't know where you live." "Oh...I'll jot down directions before we leave." "Okay." "I can't believe you've never actually been to my house." "Der...you've kind of...I mean, I haven't exactly...because of Hannah." "I know," he nodded, slowly. "Mer...the hotel thing...were you okay?" "What do you mean?" she asked, her hand over her eyes. "Mark said...he was probably being an idiot but he suggested that maybe...I was treating you like a...whore." "Oh." "Talk." "We're doing a lot of talking tonight, Der. I'm good just laying here." "Mer...was Mark an idiot?" "Mark's always an idiot," she said after a second. "Meredith..." "Derek," she sighed. "It was great. It was...and the sex was...I miss the sex. But it felt like...I don't know...like I was a one night stand or...a really expensive...it was great. Really really great. And their pancakes were pretty much amazing." "Oh Mer...I didn't even think of it that way. I just...I wanted that and nothing else really worked. It was...I thought that it would be nice." "It...it was," she nodded. "Just...I get why and it's fine, Der." "No, it's not," he murmured. "I never meant to make you feel like that." "I know." "I just...I wanted to make love to you." "I know you did. And it was...great. Amazing. Really, really great." "And then I made you feel like hell." "Actually, I could barely walk the next day," she giggled lightly. "Mer...I'm sorry." "I'm not angry, Derek." "I know you're not and I know you get it, but that was the last thing I intended." "I know." "So I'm sorry. I wish this was easier." "It will be," she nodded. "After we tell Hannah...easier." "It will," he nodded. "You can't sleep over right away but...you can be at the house and we can ease into things." "Yeah," she smiled. "So I'll see you and Hannah tonight." "You will," Derek sighed. "In good news...having me home for supper and you there will put Hannah in good spirits." "That's good," Meredith nodded, kissing him quickly. "I'll see you later, Der." "I love you, Mer," he sighed. "And I'm sorry this is complicated. I really am." "I told you...Hannah...she's not a complication," she whispered against his lips, running her fingers through her hair. "And I love you too." "You're perfect," he murmured. "Not really." "Mer...you are." "Yeah," she rolled her eyes. "See you tonight." "You'll believe me one day," he laughed. "Probably not," she shook her head. "Love you, Der." She opened the door and stepped out, leaving him sitting on the bed. They were telling Hannah tonight. He wasn't ready. He didn't know how. He didn't really want to. But he didn't know what else to do at this point. Because Meredith deserved something more than nights left alone in a hotel and Hannah deserved to know. Even if it was big and scary she needed to know exactly what was going on so they could all really deal with this together. So take me don't leave me Take me don't leave me Baby, love will come through it's just waiting for you Disclaimer: Alicia and Katie woke up stupid early to write this very emotional and powerful update. It zapped all thinking power we had right out of us, so now we can't think of a good disclaimer. We don't own the show though. "And then Jenny showed her turtle, Penny, which is a real silly name for a turtle," Hannah rambled as she ate her mashed potatoes, a huge grin on her face. "But everyone thought Penny was the bestest show and tell ever, but I didn't think so. Turtles are kind of stupid but Jenny loves her turtle mostest of all. And Jeremy said he gots a snake at home and teacher said he couldn't bring a snake." "Snakes at school are generally bad ideas," Derek nodded, taking a bite of his own mashed potatoes, smiling at his daughter's happiness. Ever since he had gotten home and told her that there had been a change of plans and he was eating at home and Meredith was coming over the little girl had been talking non stop and smiling and giggling. He loved it. "Yep, and Jeremy said it's this big!" Hannah held out her arms as far as they could go. "I don't wanna snake, Daddy. They're slimy and they're no fun. I want a puppy. Or a kitty. But I like puppies mostest of all. Only not big puppies, real small puppies. Right, Mereith? Real small puppies are the bestest?" "They are," Meredith nodded, moving her potatoes around on her plate. "Kelly said her puppy went to a puppy farm," Hannah nodded. "And that she was real sad when he went to the puppy farm. And Jeremy said it's not a puppy farm, it's puppy heaven cause her puppy died and she said he didn't die, he went to the puppy farm. And then Jeremy called her stupid and Kelly's not stupid. And he got in trouble for calling her stupid and her mommy bought her a new puppy!" "That's pretty cool of her Mom," Derek smiled. "And if Kelly said her puppy went to a puppy farm she must be right." "Huh uh," Hannah looked down at her peas. "Kelly said sometimes she feeds her new puppy veggies cause she doesn't like veggies and she's not apposed to cause puppies can't eat people food. They gotta eat puppy food. Daddy, can we get a puppy? Please?" "Oh...ummm...." Derek cleared his throat. "Maybe." "But a real small puppy, Daddy. Not a big one. I don't want a real big puppy cause I'm kinda small and a real big puppy might eat me or something. Do puppies eat people?" "Puppies definitely don't eat people," Derek laughed softly. "And small would be good." "Mereith, do you got a puppy at your house?" "Nope," Meredith shook her head, her voice quiet and Derek fought the urge to squeeze her hand. She was terrified. "Do you got a kitty cat? Cause Jenny said her kitty cat almost ated Penny. I think it's kinda funny cause a kitty cat can't eat a turtle cause a turtle's got real hard skin and the kitty would get hurt," Hannah sighed. "And then Jason said his kitty cat ated his fishies. Not like fishies I catched when I go fishing, gold fishies. And Jeremy said gold fishies are real boring." "No, no cat," Meredith shook her head. "Or gold fishes. Which are boring. I had them when I was little and you look at them a lot. I mean...a lot. Because they don't really...definitely boring." "Oh," Hannah nodded. "Daddy, no gold fishies. Only puppies." "How about a kitty?" Derek suggested. "I don't know," Hannah sighed. "I like puppies bestest." "Okay," Derek nodded. "Good," Hannah grinned as she spooned the last of her peas in her mouth. "Done! Can I have cookies now?" "You can since you ate all your peas," Derek nodded. "Three cookies?" "Threes a lot," Derek sighed. "Please, Daddy," Hannah pleaded. "I ated all my peas and my potatoes and my steak and my salad." "Fine, three cookies," Derek nodded. "Meredith and I have to talk to you." "Bout what?" Hannah asked over the sound of Meredith's fork clattering to her plate. "Stuff," Derek shrugged. "Bad stuff or good stuff?" "Good stuff," Derek nodded, getting out of his seat and walking to the other side of the table to pull Meredith's seat back. "So grab your cookies and we'll go to the living room." "Okay," Hannah nodded, pushing a chair over to the counter and climbing up to grab cookies. "Mereith can't have cookies cause she didn't eat her food, Daddy." "You're right," Derek nodded. "She had a long day so I don't think she's very hungry." "Prollay cause she ated fries real late, right, Mereith?" Hannah asked as she grabbed a handful of chocolate chip cookies. "Yep, probably," Meredith agreed quietly. "So no dessert, Mereith," Hannah sighed sadly. "Sorry. It's the rules." "That's okay," Meredith nodded. "Next time you gotta eat all your supper," Hannah nodded seriously as she led the way into the living room, sitting down in front of her dollhouse and putting the cookies down on the coffee table. "Mereith, you wanna play with my dollhouse?" "Meredith can play with your doll house later," Derek sighed, taking Meredith's hand as he guided her to the couch. "First we need to talk." "Oh oh," Hannah said gravely. "No need for oh oh," Derek sighed, squeezing Meredith's hand. "This is good stuff." "Nuh uh," Hannah shook her head. "Mereith, Daddy's gonna give you cooties." "What?" Meredith frowned and then look at their intertwined hands. "Oh." "That's how you get cooties," Hannah nodded. "Only I can't get cooties from Daddy. But you can. I gotta give you 'nother cootie shot." "I don't have cooties," Derek frowned. "Yeah, you do, Daddy," Hannah giggled. "Cause you're a boy and Mereith's a girl and you got lots of cooties. So I gotta give Mereith a cootie shot." "I don't...that's beside the point. You can give Mer a shot later. We need to talk." "Am I in trouble?" Hannah glanced over at Meredith quickly. 'No," Meredith shook her head. "No one is mad at you." "Good," Hannah grinned, moving back to her dollhouse. "We still have to talk," Derek sighed. "You might want to come sit with us." "I'm listening. Pwomise." "Okay," Derek nodded, squeezing Meredith's hand again as he took a deep breath. "Hannah, you know how I've been going on dates a lot?" "Yeah," Hannah groaned. "Cause dates are stupid." "Well...and you really like Meredith? A whole lot, right?" "She's my bestest friend." "Good," Derek smiled before taking another deep breath, feeling Meredith squeeze his hand even harder. "Well the dates have been...all of them...with Meredith." "Nuh uh," Hannah shook her head. "They have been," Derek said warmly, squeezing Meredith's hand. "And Meredith...she's my girlfriend." "No," Hannah said firmly. "She's my friend. She can't be your girlfriend. Girlfriends are stupid." "Hannah, she is your friend. Your very bestest friend. But she's my girlfriend too." "No." "Hannah, this isn't a yes or no thing." "I said no," Hannah said firmly. "I said no cause Mereith's my friend. And girlfriends are real stupid." "Hannah, I know Meredith is your friend," Derek sighed, keeping his voice calm. "Girlfriends aren't stupid." "Yes they are," Hannah slammed her cookies down, causing crumbs to fly everywhere. "Mereith can't be you girlfriend. You're my daddy and she's gonna take you 'way forever like stupid evil lady with red hair." "Hannah, I'm not taking your daddy away," Meredith murmured quietly. "Yeah you did," Hannah insisted. "He goes 'way with you stead of reading Love You Forever. Stupid dates and stupid girlfriend and stupid Mereith." "Hannah, no calling Meredith stupid," Derek groaned. "And you know she's not taking me away. I'm still here most nights." "You don't read me Love You Forever no more cause you don't love me no more cause of Mereith." "Hannah you know that's not true. I love you forever and ever, you know that." "Not no more," Hannah frowned. "Cause of Mereith. Stupid Mereith." "Hannah Shepherd, no calling Meredith stupid," Derek groaned, glancing quickly at Meredith and sighing at the tears in her eyes. "I know you're mad and probably a little scared about what this all means but you don't get to be rude." "I'm not rude. You're rude. And Mereith's rude." "Because we're dating?" "Dating's stupid." "You won't say that when it's your turn." "I won't date never ever," Hannah stood up. "And you can't date no more, Daddy." "I am keeping dating," Derek nodded. "But if you never want to date that's okay." "No dating!" Hannah insisted loudly. "No dating cause I said! And no dating Mereith! Dating's stupid and Mereith's my friend! Not yours!" "Meredith can be both of our friends." "No. No dating. No dating, Daddy. No girlfriends cause they're real stupid and you won't read Love You Forever no more and Mereith...I don't like Mereith no more." "Hannah, I am dating and I'm not going to stop dating Meredith just because you want me to. And I still read you that book nearly every night." "Not when you go on dates. Stupid dates. I don't like stupid dates and I don't like stupid Mereith." "Hannah, I told you to stop calling her stupid." "I don't wanna stop cause it's true!" "Hannah Rose Shepherd, no being rude. Meredith is your friend and she's my girlfriend." "What the hell is going on in here?" Mark asked, frowning as he walked into the living room. "We told her," Derek sighed. "Uncle Monkey!" Hannah turned to Mark, running at him, her arms going around his legs. "Hannah, we're not done talking," Derek groaned as Mark hoisted Hannah up in his arms. "Uncle Monkey, can we go get ice cream?" Hannah asked, wrapping her arms around Mark's neck tightly. "I don't know, Hannah Banana," Mark sighed. "I think your daddy and Meredith were talking to you." "I don't wanna talk to them," Hannah said firmly. "They're mean and stupid and I don't wanna talk to them." "Hannah..." Derek snapped. "What did I say about being rude?" "Daddy's mean," Hannah whimpered, burying her face in Mark's neck. "No he's not," Mark murmured, kissing the top of Hannah's head. "You're just mad at him right now." "He's the meanest and he took my friend," Hannah whispered. "And Mereith took my daddy. I wanna go eat ice cream." "Hannah...I didn't take your friend and Meredith didn't take your daddy," Derek groaned. "Uncle Monkey, please. Please ice cream?" "Take her," Derek nodded as Mark sent him a questioning look. "She needs some time to calm down." "I don't wanna calm down," Hannah frowned. "No more talking. Dating is stupid and you don't love me no more." "Hannah, we'll talk about this when you're in a better mood." "No more talking," Hannah shook her head. "Let's go, Uncle Monkey." "Okay," Mark nodded, shooting a quick look at Derek. "I've got this, Shep." "Fine," Derek sighed. "Hannah, go upstairs and grab your jacket at least." "Fine," Hannah sighed dramatically as Mark put her on the floor and she disappeared up the stairs. "Well that clearly went well," Mark smirked slightly. "Yeah, no kidding," Derek groaned. "This is...bad." "I'll see what I can do," Mark nodded. "And for the record, that talk I'm supposed to have? Not happening tonight." "Yeah, put that off," Derek sighed. "But you have to do it soon." "Yeah, maybe I could take some hints from you and Grey," Mark rolled his eyes and then looked closely at Meredith. "Speaking of...Grey looks like shit." "Mer...." Derek whispered, turning to her. "You okay?" "I...this is...this is so bad. And I...bad," Meredith stammered, her face pale. "Breathe, Mer," Derek murmured, running a hand over her hair. "Breathe." "Ready!" Hannah announced as she pulled her jacket on, running back towards Mark. "Uncle Monkey, let's go." "Okay, Hannah Banana," Mark grinned. "Say bye to your dad and Meredith." "No," Hannah said firmly. "Bye Hannah. I love you," Derek said softly. "Let's go, Uncle Monkey," Hannah repeated, grabbing Mark's hand and dragging him towards the door. "That was...I'm not actually sure that could have gone any worse," Derek sighed, jumping off the couch. "I didn't think she'd be thrilled, I kind of assumed it would be bad...but that was...bad. I wanted to strangle her. I wanted to strangle my own daughter. Instead I sent her for ice cream with her uncle. I am a terrible father." "Bad," Meredith whispered, shaking her head slowly. "So bad. She hates me. Entirely hates me, which I guess isn't a surprise since I apparently stole her daddy so he doesn't read her stories anymore. So I'm like...the worst friend alive or something. The absolute worst and she hates me and I shouldn't be...bad. This is so bad. So, so bad." "It's going to be okay," Derek nodded, walking back and forth in front of the couch as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Hannah loves Meredith. She adores Meredtih, Mer's her bestest friend. She just...it's going to be okay. Entirely okay. Hannah will take some time and she'll adjust to the idea and she'll be thrilled, completely thrilled. It will be fine." "I told everyone...I told Lexie," Meredith sighed. "Bad idea. All of this bad because I'm...I'm the dark and twisty one or whatever and I'd make the cutest little girl ever dark and twisty so...bad. This is so bad. And I don't even...I'm her friend and I stole her daddy and I shouldn't even...I mean, she's six. She's six so she's not technically...I didn't steal her daddy so much as...no, I stole him. I stole a six year old's daddy." "Hannah is happy. Hannah loves Meredith. And I had to start dating again eventually. It would probably be easier if the first girl I had dated hadn't been the love of my life but still, this had to to happen. And...lots of people do this. Lots of parents start dating and it's...the kids deal. They deal and Hannah will deal. Hannah will be fine. She'll get over this and be okay with Meredith." "Maybe we should have waited," Meredith sighed, looking up at her pacing boyfriend. "Or maybe, she wasn't ready, Der. With Mark and everything, she was freaking out and this was...it was bad. Maybe we should have waited or it should have just been you or something. But this is...I'm mean and stupid. I stole you and I'm mean and stupid." "Hannah is going to be okay. This is all going to be okay. It's going to take...time, some time, maybe lots of time. But she'll be okay. We'll be okay. Mer, me and Hannah. Entirely okay. A family or something and it will be good, really good. Hannah will get used to this. It's just change. Good change, amazing change but change." "Bad. So bad. Really, really bad. And we should have done this another way or...something. I don't know. She thinks I'm stupid, which I probably am. Who else dates their attending with a kid? Not that I'm regretting us...I mean...definitely not regretting us. Except this is big and huge and probably really st



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:54 PM Post #17
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"And I say what? That I was sleeping with you before I knew you were her daddy? That I didn't steal you because I had no idea you were even a daddy and then once I did know I fought it because she's six and she needs people who love her and want to be her mom and...what do I even say to her?" "Do you love her?" he asked quietly. "I...what?" "Do you love her?" "I...I don't...yes," Meredith nodded slowly. "I love her...and...yeah." "Tell her that," Derek smiled. "Tell her you love her and that you're not taking me away...that you want to be part of our lives." "I do," she looked up at him. "I want to...I do." "I know you do. Just...tell her that, Mer. Tell her whatever comes to mind." "Okay," she whispered and then stood. "I should...I should go. Before she comes back and hates me more." "Mer, she won't be back for a while. Stay." "I...I can't," she shook her head. "Freaking out?" "Aren't you?" "Yeah, I am," he nodded. "I just like having you around when I'm freaking out." "I know but...I'm really freaking out and it's...it was bad, Der." "It was...yeah, that was hell." "Yeah," she whispered. "Complete hell and it will be a complete hell if she gets home and I'm here and she'll probably just hate me all over again. So...bad. And I should go." "Probably," he sighed, pulling her into his arms. "I love you." "I love you too," she whispered. "Everything is going to work out," he murmured. "You don't know that for sure," she sighed into his chest, tightening her hold on him. "Yeah I do," he nodded. "I love you, that's all I need to know." "It would be easier if you didn't." "Probably," he sighed. "But I like it better this way." "Me too. Even if...you're the love of my life too." "I am?" "I think so. Yeah. Definitely and...it's...I'm pretty sure." "Good," he whispered, hugging her tighter. "We really will be okay." "I know," she sighed, pulling back to kiss him. "I'll um...I'll go home and study. Or try to study. Or something." "Studying's good," he nodded. "I'll talk to Hannah when she gets home. And maybe...for the next two weeks you just come over here to study and hang with both of us while she adjusts." "That...that might work." "I hope so," he sighed. "And it's nice having you here." "Even when your daughter hates us both and says awful terrible things." "Even then," he laughed softly. "I'll see you tomorrow," Meredith sighed, squeezing him one last time before pulling away. "Definitely," he nodded. "I might call you tonight." "After you talk to her. And tuck her in. And...read Love You Forever. Which I actually have no idea what that is but apparently your mom reads it all wrong." "It's a classic. I read it to her every night before sleep. And it's about a mom and a son so I have to change everything." "So your mom probably doesn't?" "Probably not," Derek nodded. "But yeah...I won't call you until I get her down for the night." "Okay," she nodded. "And um...I've been thinking. Maybe...maybe when we go out and you can't read to her we can...we can stop by and...and you can tuck her in or something. I don't know." "That... it sounds like a good idea, actually," he nodded. "It does?" "Yeah," he nodded. "It complicates are date nights but it might make this easier on Han." "It's not...she's not a complication, Derek," Meredith said firmly. "She's your daughter and I get it and...call me tonight?" "I will," he sighed. "I love you so damn much, Mer." "I love you too, Derek," she whispered, kissing him gently. "I really love you and it's...I love you." "I know," he nodded. "But the way you thinking about Hannah, god it's amazing." "She's...her. And I love her like...anyway, I love her," Meredith sighed. "I'll talk to you tonight." "Yep, definitely." "Bye, Der," she whispered, walking out of the house. Derek sighed and went to grab a beer out of his fridge. He didn't usually do the drinking thing when he was at home and Hannah might see him but he needed it tonight. He definitely needed a beer. Because that conversation had gone terribly wrong and he wasn't quite sure what to do now. He faked confidence for Meredith because he didn't need her freaking out but he was flying blind. The only things he really knew right now, really and entirely knew, was that he loved Meredith with all of his heart, that he could never, ever let her go, and that he wanted his daughter to be happy. He wanted and needed those things. He just had no idea how to have both of them. But he would figure it out. He had to figure it out. Because he needed Meredith to be apart of his and Hannah's lives. I'll walk with you through every storm I'll keep you safe, I'll keep you warm And you'll have no doubt You're the one I'm living for Disclaimer: As Derek says in this update...you can't buy people. Which is ever so sad. As if you could, Katie and I would be the proud owners of one Patrick Dempsey. He couldn't stop staring at the door. He had been doing it since Meredith had gone and he knew it had to open soon. And Hannah would be home and they'd have to talk. Without yelling and without screaming they'd have to talk. And with every passing moment his confidence was waning and he had no idea how to do this. It seemed easy with Meredith there. Now it felt impossible. They had probably gone about it all wrong. That had been one of his many thoughts since Meredith had left, but it stood out the most. He had probably gone about it all wrong. And he probably definitely shouldn't have let her go get ice cream. But it had seemed so damn easy then. But now he was staring at the door wondering when his angry six year old was going to come home, and what he would say to her. He had no idea how to make this better for her. Meredith was his girlfriend, he hoped that Meredith would one day be his wife, she wasn't going to go anywhere and he was pretty sure that by this point it was the only answer Hannah would accept. And he couldn't just hope that Hannah would come home entirely happy and well adjusted to this entire situation. No one had taught him how to do that. He knew there wasn't an easy answer to this one. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but he did not know it was going to be worth it. Once his happy little girl returned, this would all be worth it. He just hoped she would come back soon. He ran his fingers through his hair and jumped slightly as the door opened and Mark came in, Hannah in his arms, her head resting on her uncle's shoulder. "Hey guys," Derek attempted a smile. "Hey," Mark nodded, turning his head towards Hannah. "Okay, Hannah Banana, Meredith's gone." "She is," Derek nodded. "Okay," Hannah sighed, looking up from Mark's shoulder. "I can come down now, Uncle Monkey." "Hannah, we need to talk," Derek sighed as Mark placed her on the ground. "I know, Daddy," Hannah nodded, looking down at the carpet. "I'm real sorry for being rude and screaming." "Good," Derek nodded. "That wasn't fair to Meredith and me." "I know," Hannah sighed, still looking at the ground. "It was real bad and I'm real sorry." "Apology accepted. You still have to say sorry to Meredith." "Do I have to?" she looked up, her lower lip quivering. "You do. Meredith didn't deserve any of that." "Han, why don't you go upstairs and get into your pajamas?" Mark suggested. "Okay," Hannah nodded, dissapearing to head up the stairs. "Man, that was the most intense ice cream outing ever," Mark groaned, falling onto the couch. "It apparently helped," Derek sighed. "Thanks. She probably shouldn't have gone but thanks anyway." "I talked to her," Mark nodded. "Can't promise much, but she'll be civil. And she's sorry. But you have some serious damage control to do, man." "I know I do," Derek nodded. "I mean...she's," Mark just shook his head. "I don't know. But we talked. For two hours. And I apologize for any sugar high. Two hour talks leads to two sundaes." "Two sundaes?" "Two kid sundaes," Mark grinned. "That's the way back to her heart, Shep. I figured it out. And yes, I talked to her about me and Addison too." "And?" "I think at this point, I could kill Nanners and she'd still like me more than you." "Wonderful, that gives me hope," Derek groaned. "And you do realize Nanners isn't alive, right?" "Of course I do," Mark rolled his eyes. "Except apparently Nanners thinks you won't love her anymore and you'll go away." "I spoiled her. I spoiled her too much and now this is my karma." "Derek, we both spoiled her. Hell, I probably spoiled her more than you did." "But I'm her dad. Sorry I went off on you earlier." "It's fine," Mark shrugged. "You were right." "I never said I wasn't but I didn't mean to yell." "It's fine, Shep," Mark shook his head, walking towards the fridge to grab a beer. "Go do major damage control." "I plan on it," Derek nodded. "Do you think there's any chance she'll accept Mer?" "No idea," Mark shrugged. "I told her she didn't have a choice with Addison." "I'm telling her the same thing about Meredith." "Not a bad idea. Of course, I gave her ice cream and Pacman and saved her from evil Daddy and Meredith. I basically rock as an uncle tonight." "Yeah...well...I'll see what I can do." "Good luck, man," Mark reached forward for the remote, turning on the TV and settling back with his beer. "Thanks," Derek sighed, heading up the stairs. At least she wasn't still screaming and yelling that she hated him. And she had apologized. She didn't seem like she wanted to apologize to Meredith but she'd get there. They just had to calmly talk and it would all be okay. He had no idea exactly what he was going to say to her. He had never actually thought his life would come to this point, where he was sitting down with his terrified little girl and trying to explain what dating was, trying to explain that he wouldn't leave her. Ever. "Hi, Daddy," she said as she came out of the bathroom, already dressed in her nightgown. "Hey Hannah," Derek smiled. "Good job getting ready." "Thank you," she whispered. "I was thinking maybe you could sleep in my bed tonight." "Really?" she looked up, a small smile on her lips. "Yep," Derek nodded. "We have to talk and I was thinking it would be more fun in my bed." "Am I in real big trouble?" "Nope," Derek shook his head. "We just have to talk about what happened earlier." "I'm real sorry," she sighed. "I know you are," Derek nodded, grabbing Hannah's hand and leading her to the bed. "And you still have to tell Meredith that too." "But, Daddy..." "No but Daddy. You were mean and rude to Meredith who is your friend and my girlfriend. You either apologize to her or you're grounded for a week." "I don't want her to be your girlfriend," Hannah pouted, pulling Nanners out from underneath the blankets where she had left the stuffed monkey that morning. "I know you don't," Derek sighed. "But that's not your choice." "It should be." "No, it can't be. Who my girlfriend is is my choice and mine alone." "You don't need a girlfriend." "I know I don't. But I want one, I want Meredith." "Cause you don't love me no more? Cause I've been real bad?" "Oh honey...of course I love you and you haven't been bad. I just...I love Meredith. And I want her to be my girlfriend." "Why?" "Because she makes me happy." "But...but..." Hannah furrowed her brow. "I know you don't like sharing me, Han," Derek sighed, running his fingers through her hair. "A lot of things are changing and I know that's a lot for you to take. And I'm really sorry. But Meredith...she's kind of great, isn't she?" "She was," Hannah whispered. "She was my bestest friend ever. Even bester than Nanners." "Was?" "Not no more." "Why not? She's still the same Meredith." "Nuh uh," Hannah shook her head. "She...now she's not my friend no more." "Why?" "Cause now she's your girlfriend and she's not gonna be my friend no more. And cause...you're my daddy." "She can be my girlfriend and your friend." "Nuh uh. Cause it's gonna be like Uncle Monkey and Addison and you're gonna go away all the time and then I gotta stay with Nana forever." "Hannah, Meredith and I have been dating for a bit. Have either of us gone away?" "You do sometimes." "I know I do," Derek nodded. "But Meredith and I are still around a lot, aren't we?" "I guess," Hannah whispered. "And actually...it means Meredith can come over and spend time with both of us." "But that's not dates." "No it's not," he shook his head. "And sometimes we'll still go on dates. But girlfriends and boyfriends can hang out at home too." "Really?" Hannah looked up. "Really," Derek nodded. "There will still be dates, Hannah. Sometimes I'll want to be alone with Meredith and we'll be out for the night. But we can hang out here...and you can do things with us too." "Okay," Hannah nodded, her brow still furrowed as she cuddled close to him. "Hannah, talk to me," he murmured. "I am." "No, you're not," he sighed, kissing the top of her head. "Are you still mad?” "I think so." "Oh," Derek nodded. "You're allowed to be mad." "I think I'm mad," she whispered. "And lots of other stuff." "What's lots of other stuff?" "I don't know," Hannah bit her lip. "Like...like when my ballenia light don't work no more." "Like you're in the dark and scared?" "Yeah," Hannah nodded quickly. "Okay," Derek nodded slolwly. "You have nothing to be afraid of. I want Meredith to be part of both of our lives. She's not going to take me away from you and she doesn't want to." "But what if she does?" "She won't. I promise." "Uncle Monkey went away." "I know he did," Derek nodded. "He didn't mean to but he did. But I'm your daddy." "Uncle Monkey's my Uncle Monkey." "He is," Derek nodded. "And loves you a lot and he was pretty silly kind of leaving you like he did. But he took you out for ice cream tonight." "Cause I was angry and sad." "You were. And he wanted to cheer you up cause he loves you." "Cause he's my Uncle Monkey but he still went away cause of Addison." "He didn't really go away. He was just busy." "No, he's gonna go away. He said real soon." "He's moving out, that's not going away." "He's gonna go away," Hannah whimpered, hugging Nanners close. "Who's gonna do my dog tails?" "I'll have him teach me. And he can still come back sometimes." "But you're real bad at it, Daddy," Hannah sighed, a tear streaking down her cheek. "And Uncle Monkey's not apposed to go away." "He is Hannah," Derek whispered. "That was always the plan, for him to move out." "But why?" she stressed. "He's my Uncle Monkey." "I know he is. And he always will be. But him moving out...it was the plan." "Why?" "Because...I don't know, Han. He used to not live with me and he moved in to help with you. But you're all grown up now." "No, I'm not," Hannah shook her head. "I'm...I'm a big girl but he's my Uncle Monkey and I can't reach the candy in your closet or do my doggy tails or...lots of things." "I know you can't. He'll still come to visit a lot." "What if he doesn't?" "He will." "But what if he doesn't," Hannah turned on her side. "What if he leaves forever and ever and ever? And then I won't have a mommy or a uncle Monkey." "Hannah Shepherd, I can promise you right now that Uncle Monkey will never leave you." "But what if he does? What if I don't have a mommy or a Uncle Monkey and then I don't have a daddy either?" "And why would you not have a daddy?" "Cause you'll go away like Uncle Monkey cause dating makes you go away." "No it doesn't," Derek shook his head. "I love Meredith, I love dating Meredith. But I am not going anywhere." "I don't like dating, Daddy." "I know you don't," Derek nodded. "I'm not asking you to like it. I'm just asking you to be nice to Meredith and give her a chance." "Just be nice?" Hannah whispered. "Yep. Meredith is your friend. Nothing between you has to change." "But she..." Hannah wrapped her arms tighter around Nanners. "She's gonna take you away like Addison's taking Uncle Monkey away." "No she isn't," Derek shook his head. "She doesn't want to at all, she wants to be with both of us. And I wouldn't let her take me away." "You might," the little girl whispered, turning on her other side away from Derek. "Hannah Rose Shepherd, I pinky swear that I won't." "Cross your heart, hope to die, stick a needle in your eye?" "Definitely." "Okay," she sighed. "Okay okay?" "Okay okay," she nodded. "Good," he smiled slightly. "Are you going to tell Meredith you're sorry?" "I guess." "There's no guessing." "I'll tell her sorry." "Good," Derek sighed, kissing Hannah quickly. "I love you, Hannah Banana." "Love you too, Daddy," she turned, rubbing her nose against his. "Eskimo kisses." "Eskimo kisses," Derek laughed softly. "Can we get an Eskimo, Daddy?" she asked. "Hannah, an Eskimo is a person, we can't get people," Derek laughed. "Why not?" Hannah grinned. "I saw a book with Eskimo and they have funny coats." "They do," Derek laughed harder. "But...you can't buy people." "Not even Eskimo?" "Not even Eskimo." "Oh," Hannah sighed. "Can we name puppy Eskimo?" "We can do that," Derek nodded. "Okay," Hannah grinned. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "I'll love you forever," she grinned, kissing one cheek. "I'll love you for always." She kissed his other cheek. "As long as I'm living my daddy you'll be!" She kissed his nose and then cuddled up against him. "Oh Hannah," Derek breathed, running his hand over her hair. "I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." "Sorry I yelled, Daddy," she yawned. "I know," he nodded. "I forgive you." "Am I still in lots and lots of trouble?" "Definitely not," Derek shook his head. "But you still have to apologize to Mer." "Okay," Hannah sighed. "She really likes you, Han." "That's what Uncle Monkey said." "It's true," Derek nodded. "I guess," she yawned again. "Go to sleep," he murmured. "Kay," she nodded. "Night, Daddy." "Night Han," he whispered. "Love you." "Love you too, Daddy," she whispered as her eyes fell shut. Derek kissed her head gently as he reached over for his phone. That had gone well. That had gone actually a lot better than he expected and for the first time all night he actually thought that maybe everything was going to be okay. It wouldn't be some kind of miracle over night and it would probably take time but ultimately he really believed they were going to be okay. Hannah was scared. She was a scared little girl who felt her world falling apart around her. There were probably better ways to do this, better ways to get her used to the changes in her life, but he wasn't entirely sure of what they were. She was scared, she was angry, and she was trying her hardest to understand this and be strong. But she was too scared. She at least was acting more like Hannah now, and he could only hope that it would stay that way. Her and Meredith would talk and she would see that Meredith was still her bestest friend. Which he couldn't help but smile at. They already loved each other. And this was going to be great...eventually. It was going to be fine and they were going to be a family. He knew that. He sighed as he dialed Meredith's number, letting his fingers play lightly with Hannah's curls as she tightened her hold on him, Nanners acting as a pillow for her cheek. "Hello?" "Hey," he whispered into the phone. "Hey," he heard her rustling slightly. "Why the whispering?" "Hannah's sleeping on my chest," he murmured into the phone. "Oh," she giggled. "How is she?" "Better," he sighed. "She's not...perfect but she's better. We talked and I think things are okay. She still owes you an apology." "Did you read her Love You Forever?" "I didn't," he laughed softly. "But we recited our favourite lines." "That's cute, Der," she sighed. "I know," he grinned. "How are you feeling after everything?" "I'm...I'm good," she replied. "Studying." "How's the studying going?" "Not so great," she groaned. "Cardio sucks." "And I can't even help you with that." "No, you can't," she sighed. "You're going to kick the test's ass." "I hope so. Or..it will be bad. Really, really bad." "It won't be," he sighed. "Hannah likes the idea of you coming over here sometimes so after you talk to her you can come here and study." "I actually was thinking," he heard her put aside a book, "you work Thursday night, right?" "Yeah." "I promised Hannah a girl's night. I don't know...she probably doesn't even want me to come over but...I mean..." "You want to do a girls night?" "Yeah. If she wants to." "I think it sounds like a great idea," Derek smiled. "I'll ask her in the morning and let you know at work tomorrow." "Only if she wants to, Der. She probably doesn't since she hates me and all. But I just thought ..it might work or something." "Mer, she doesn't hate you," he sighed. "And it's a great idea." "Okay," she sighed. "And she's talking again so it should go well." "Good. I'm glad she's better." "So am I," he smiled. "How are you feeling about it all?" "I'm good, Der." "That doesn't sound very honest." "Der, your daughter is sleeping on your chest right now which I'm imagining is really, really cute and adorable and a whole bunch of adjectives that would cause Cristina to puke or something. Really, I'm good." "I don't actually believe you but we won't get into this on the phone," he sighed. "As long as you're still in this." "I'm still in this, Der." "Good," he smiled. "I miss you." "You saw me a few hours ago." "I know I did," he sighed. "Just...long day." "I know," she murmured. "Mer...it's going to be okay." "I know it is, Der." "Good," he nodded. "I should get back to studying," she sighed into the phone. "Or sleeping. Sleeping would be good too." "Yeah," he mumured. "You really will do fine on the test." "Or I'll bomb it. Love you, Derek." "You won't," he laughed softly. "I love you too." "Night." "See you tomorrow," he sighed. "Bye," she whispered, hanging up the other end. Derek smiled to himself as he put the phone back down, cuddling back into his bed with his daughter. He was exhausted, probably more than he should be but he was pretty sure that after the day he had had he was allowed to be exhausted. And he wished Meredith was here. He wished she was here to cuddle with too. The three of them cuddling would be possibly perfect. "Daddy?" "Hannah? I thought you were asleep." "I was thinking about it." "Thinking about sleeping?" "Yep." "Sleeping isn't really something you think about...you just do it." "I was almost sleeping," she told him seriously. "And then you talked. Was it Mereith?" "It was," Derek nodded. "I told her I'd call her to say goodnight." "You said I love you." "That's because I love her. I love her a lot." "But you still love me mostest, right?" "I do," he nodded. "Okay," she nodded. "Get some sleep," Derek sighed. "Kay, but don't talk no more, Daddy." "I won't," he laughed softly. "I love you mostest, Daddy." "I love you mostest too, Hannah." Disclaimer: Alicia and Katie are sincerely hoping that Kristin is wrong. Really really hoping. If Alicia and Katie owned the show Kristin would be wrong...as we would never ever do that. Meredith groaned as she stared at her book, flipping back a couple pages to make sure she hadn't missed something. Because she was pretty sure she had. Actually, she was about one hundred percent sure she had missed a ton of stuff. She had been reading, reading and highlighting and taking notes and everything she was supposed to do when she was studying. Except concentrating. She couldn't not concentrate. This test was big. This test was really big as in life changing in a way that not many tests were. She had to pass this test. And yet her stupid boyfriend was making it impossible for her to actually be able to pay attention to anything in the book because her head was fully of thoughts. Good thoughts and bad thoughts and a whole bunch of things that made her wonder if she was going to have an aneurysm. Aneurysms. She knew about those. She had helped Derek evacuate one yesterday. She had helped him evacuate an aneurysm and then they had had sex in an on call room. Which they actually hadn't done in a really long time but Derek and his surgery highs...they had had sex in an on call room. And now she had the day off. She was supposed to be studying on her day off, studying and getting ready for girl's night with Hannah in a few hours. Big life-changing things were happening here. "Meredith, stop fidgeting," Lexie groaned. "You're distracting me." "I'm not fidgeting," Meredith groaned. "I'm...moving. A lot." "Also known as fidgeting." "Or just...moving. A lot. And trying to concentrate. Because I can't. And I'm not fidgeting. I'm...studying." "No, you're not," Lexie sighed. "What's up?” "Why do you think anything is up? Nothing's up. I'm just...test. Big life changing test That's what's up." "Something is definitely up." "I don't know," Meredith sighed. "I don't know what's up." "What do you mean you don't know?" Lexie frowned. "I don't...it's probably nothing." "What is it?" "We told Hannah." "You did? That's good. That's great, Mer." "Yeah, not really," Meredith groaned. "Actually, it was bad. Really, really bad. She basically hates me and I'm supposed to go over there tonight for a girl's night with my boyfriend's daughter who hates me. My boyfriend who...I mean, he's perfect, I love him, I think I want to spend the rest of my life with him or whatever, but...I don't know." "What do you mean you don't know?" "I just...feel...honestly, Lexie, I don't know. I don't know what I feel or if I'm completely over reacting because I probably am. He has a right...he should put her first. He should be doing everything he's doing because he's a great dad and she's going through a really tough time and I get it but...yeah, I'm probably over reacting and we should just study. For big life changing tests." "Meredith, breathe and try to tell me what's actually going on." "You know I hadn't actually been to his house until dinner the other night?" Meredith threw her pen down. "I mean, yeah for her birthday. But not...not by myself. Not with just them. We've been dating for a while and I hadn't...and he's never, ever even seen my house. Ever. Which probably shouldn't bother me, because, well, I practically live in a youth hostel, but still...he hasn't seen it." "Oh Mer," Lexie sighed. "Have you talked to him?" "No. I can't...and then there's the hotel. Which was...it was perfect. And great. And really romantic or whatever and I don't even like the romantic stuff. He didn't do flower petals or anything so that's good but it was entirely perfect and great and then...then we had sex and he got up and left. And I...I get what he was trying to do and it was great and the sex was amazing but..." "He had to go home to Hannah," Lexie nodded. "Yeah," Meredith sighed. "And I get it. She's his daughter. He has to be there for her and all that. It's just...I kind of felt like...I mean, is that what my one night stands felt like when I kicked them out? Because, seriously...I felt like...I felt like a really expensive whore. And I know that's not what he was going for and the sex was great and the pancakes were great but...I felt like crap.” "Have you told him?" "And say what, Lexie?" Meredith groaned. "I can't...he's being a good dad." "He is, but maybe he's not being a good boyfriend," Lexie sighed. "Which isn't his fault. He has to be a good dad. Hannah comes first." "And where do you come?" "I...way below Hannah." "Which isn't fair." "Yeah but...I'd be the crappy girlfriend if I complained." "No you wouldn't be," Lexie sighed. "Communicating makes you a good girlfriend." "No, definitely crappy girlfriend if I got mad at him for...I mean, it's great, Lexie. I completely love him and he's great. I just...I don't know." "You have to talk to him." "Lexie, I can't. What do I even say? 'Oh, Derek, I hate that you left me alone in a hotel room for your daughter who already hates us both and is going through an emotional breakdown at six'." "You could try 'Derek, I love you. And I know Hannah has to come first but I need to know I come somewhere. I'm not asking you to neglect your daughter but you can't neglect me'." "He's not neglecting me." "Maybe not yet but if you don't call him on this he might." "Lexie...his daughter...he has a lot on his plate and I'm probably entirely over reacting. I mean...he's great and perfect and he calls me and he buys me coffee and...he's great." "He's actually pretty damn close to perfect," Lexie smiled. "But you're allowed to talk to him when he fucks up." "He didn't...that's how this has to be. Hannah comes first. I don't sleep over. He doesn't sleep over. We only have quickies in on call rooms or on his land in the back of his car or...god I feel like a whore." "Exactly why you need to talk to him. I highly doubt he's doing this on purpose." "He's not," Meredith sighed. "Mark apparently pointed it out to him and he apologized and...he doesn't want to do it. So why should I make him feel like crap about it? I told him I got it and...I get it." "Getting it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. And you don't have to make him feel like crap. Tell him you love him, tell him he's nearly perfect and just...talk." "I don't talk. I mean, I do. But I don't and really...not that big of a deal. Not compared to his six year old having an emotional breakdown." "Meredith, he loves you. A hell of a lot, he wants you to talk." "I don't want to make him feel worse than he already does." "I know you don't," Lexie nodded. "But what else are you going to do? Ignore it until it builds into a major problem and you end it with him in some completely inappropriate place like a wedding?" "Okay...who the hell ends relationships at weddings?" "Crazy people that are too scared to talk to their boyfriends before." "It's not...it's fine. Completely fine. I'm not scared to talk to him...I'm...I'm giving him time. He was sorry for it and...it's fine." "No, it's not," Lexie groaned. "Mer...how do you think Derek would feel if he knew you were feeling like this and not talking to him?" "But I'm not...I feel fine, Lexie. I love him. I completely love him." "I know you do," Lexie smiled. "And if you want this to work you have to talk." "I'm definitely not talking. I don't want to look like the evil bitch when his daughter is already convinced I'm stealing her daddy." "Mer, he's not going to think you're an evil bitch. Hell, I'm pretty sure if you say something that man will bend over backward to make sure you never feel this way again." "Besides the fact that that sounds vaguely dirty...it's fine. We're fine and happy." "And if this keeps up you won't be fine and happy forever." "Lexie...over reacting." "No, it's not," Lexie shook her head. "Yes it is. He has big things to worry about. I have big things to worry about. This is...it's good and it's normal and...he has to put her first. Even if it does kind of piss me off. Which it shouldn't...because that makes me a bad person." "No it doesn't," Lexie sighed. "Do you want to be his number one? Or do you just want to be up there with Hannah?" "I...I don't know. With Hannah would be good. But I can't. She's his daughter. And six." "And you're the woman he loves. You're allowed to want to be tied with her." "Yeah, well...I'm not talking about it. It's probably going to blow over and we'll be fine." "Fine. But if it doesn't...talk." "If it doesn't get better...then...yeah, we'll see." "Mer...this is a small thing and you can fix it. But small things have a way of being very large life changing things if you stay quiet." "It will be fine." "I hope so...you two are...you're you." "Yeah, I know." "He loves you, Mer." "I love him too." "I know you do. You two will be fine...even if you talk." "Or if we don't." "Just don't let it stay this way forever." "It won't." "Okay," Lexie sighed. "Okay," Meredith nodded. "Now I just have to figure out how to get his daughter to love me again. I'm thinking cupcakes and brownies." "Bribing kids is always a good idea," Lexie giggled. "I thought so," Meredith smiled widely. "Brownies and cupcakes and ballerina movies or something. For a girl's night." "That's really cute, Mer." "Yeah, unless she kills me. She's six though, right? I mean....six year olds usually aren't violent?" "Probably not," Lexie grinned. "And Hannah's a sweetheart." "Yeah, she is," Meredith grinned. "She's mad and confused but she'll come around." "I hope so." "She will," Lexie grinned. "You and Derek will make this work." "You sound like him," Meredith sighed, looking back down at her book. "And yeah...I definitely hope so. He's...and I...I could see forever or something." "Seriously?" "I think so." "Oh Mer, that's amazing." "And kind of a big deal," Meredith groaned. "Like my test. The test I'm clearly going to fail." "You're not going to fail." "I'm going to fail if I don't study. A lot." "You'll be fine," Lexie nodded. "Well, then don't talk and let me fidget and try to study." "Fine," Lexie sighed. "Just promise me you'll talk to him before it gets too bad." "I will," Meredith shrugged, grabbing her high lighter. "Mer...don't let this end this." "It's not going to end it." "Good." "Now...studying. And then freaking out over girl's night. So no talking." "Fine, no talking." "Thank you," Meredith nodded, looking back down at her book. Lexie was wrong. Completely wrong. The thing with Derek..it wasn't even a thing. It wasn't a big deal. And she wouldn't go crazy and end it at some random wedding. They were going to be great, fine, even. Derek wasn't being an ass, he was taking care of his daughter which was like...ten times more important than them having sex. They didn't need to talk. She was happy, she was honestly completely happy in ways she hadn't really expected but all the same, definitely happy. She got...frustrated and sometimes she wanted something different. But she was happy. So no need to talk. Talking was highly overrated and they'd be fine. Everyone would adjust to this and she was just being too sensitive. Tonight she'd talk to Hannah and get that fixed and then...then things would get better. Not that they were bad, they weren't. But...tonight she would talk to Hannah and figure this all out and she and Derek would be completely one hundred percent fine. He had apologized for the hotel thing, he wanted her around more, there was no reason to freak out about this. They weren't in hiding anymore. She could go over to his house now and he could come to her house. They weren't hiding anything so it bound to only get better. This was new. It was new to both of them, she had to expect some kind of adjustment period. And he was going through so much she couldn't talk to him. They'd just have to wait and things would get better. And it's beginning to get to me That I know more of the stars and sea Than I do of what's in your head



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:56 PM Post #18
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: We do not own Grey's Anatomy. We don't write for Grey's Anatomy. However if the writers strike goes through next week we are one hundred percent ready and willing to starting writing for the show. "Hannah, be careful with the ice cream," Meredith giggled as the six year struggled to scoop some into her bowl. "Daddy will not be happy if we get it everwhere." "I'm careful," Hannah nodded, stabbing the ice cream with the edge of the spoon to loosen it. "Do you want some, Mereith? I'm real good at it." "It's not his icky coffee stuff is it?" Meredith frowned. "No," Hannah shook her head quickly. "It's cookie dough!" "Cookie dough is the best," Meredith smiled. "I'd love some." "And brownies?" Hannah asked excitedly, her eyes shining. "Brownies sound good too," Meredith nodded. "Wow," Hannah breathed, struggling harder to loosen the ice cream, giggling as some fell on the floor. "It's girls' night, you get to eat junk food," Meredith explained. "Do you want some help?" "I got it," the six year old insisted. "Okay, Han, just be careful." "I'm careful." "Good." Hannah bit her lip as she struggled with the ice cream, working in silence as she spooned it out of the tub. She had been quiet most of the night, not at all the usual Hannah Meredith was used to. Derek said she was doing better, but apparently the little girl was still having some issues with her, which sucked. It really sucked. "Your cookie dough, Mereith," Hannah pushed a bowl towards her. "Why thank you, Ms. Shepherd," Meredith smiled. "Welcome," Hannah nodded, spooning some into her own bowl. "So..." Meredith sighed, biting her lip. She had no idea how to attack this one. She wished she had something to go on, some kind of directions but she had no idea how to start this conversation and not have it end in a big screaming fight. As that would be bad. Derek was working and if there was a fight, things would be really bad. "Umm..how are you?" "I'm okay," Hannah shrugged. "I miss school. I miss school lots and lots. But Daddy says when school starts again I'll be in the first grade and I'll be real big. In first grade you read and you do lots of stuff and it's not like school. But Daddy says I'll like it just like I liked school." "That's good," Meredith nodded. "It's good you like school." "I like school a lot," Hannah nodded. "It's a lot better than daycare." "That's great, Hannah," Meredith grinned. "It's good to like things." "Yeah," Hannah nodded, taking her bowl into the living room. "So you..." Meredith sighed, before taking a deep breath. "Hannah, I'm not good at the talking thing. Your daddy...he's really good at talking and me I'm just not...I'm bad at it. Amazingly bad. But I'm dating your daddy and we should probably be doing the talking thing, or attempting it or something." ''Cause I was real bad and I yelled?" "Yeah and because it's big. It's big that I'm dating your dad so it's okay that you yelled. Well not okay but it was...we should talk." "I'm real sorry I yelled," Hannah sighed. "Daddy said...he said I had to say sorry and I am sorry." "Thank you, Hannah," Meredith sighed. "But still...we should talk." "Daddy said he loves you," Hannah reported as she went over to her dollhouse. "I know," Meredith smiled sofly. "He tells me that a lot." "He said he loves me mostest," Hannah sighed and then turned to Meredith. "He said you won't make him go away." "I definitely won't," Meredith nodded. "He's your daddy." "My only daddy." "He is," Meredith smiled. "I love him a lot and I want to date him, Hannah. But I would never take him away." "Addison took Uncle Monkey away." "She didn't," Meredith sighed. "He's been busy but he's still here." "Only cause he's real sorry." "No, because he loves you." "I know, he told me," Hannah sighed. "Daddy loves me too." "He definitely does," Meredith smiled. "Daddy says your his girlfriend." "I am, is that okay?" "I...does that mean you're not mean you're not my friend no more?" "Of course not, Hannah," Meredith sighed. "You will always be my friend." "My bestest friend?" "Definitely. If you still want me to be." "Maybe," Hannah sighed. "If you pinky swear never ever ever to take my daddy." "That I can do," Meredith nodded. "I want it to be the three of us." "Why?" "Because I love you both." "Oh," Hannah smiled widely and then held out her pinky finger. "Pinky swear." "Pink swear," Meredith nodded, linking her finger around the smaller one. "Okay," Hannah nodded. "Now you have to keep it or bad things happen." "I will definitely keep it." "Good. And you're my bestest friend." "Good," Meredith grinned widely. "You're my bestest friend too." "Is Daddy your friend?" Hannah asked, putting the miniature baby in its crib. "Well…yes. But he's a different kind of friend." "There's different kinds of friends?" "Yep. There's friend like me and Daddy...we go on dates and kiss and all that stuff. And then there's friends like us who hang out and eat ice cream." "And friends like us is better friend," Hannah giggled. "Cause we eat ice cream and ice cream is better than kissing." "I'm sure your Daddy would love hearing you say that," Meredith giggled. "Daddy's silly," Hannah giggled and then rocked back on her heels. "Guess what!" "What?" "Saturday me and Daddy are gonna get a puppy!" "You are?" Meredith exclaimed. "Yep!" Hannah nodded. "And guess what we're gonna name him!" "What?" "Eskimo!" "Oh Hannah...that's adorable." "Are you gonna come play with me and Eskimo?" "Definitely," Meredith nodded. "Good," Hannah grinned. "He can be your bestest friend too. Cause he's gonna be my bestest friend, just like you." "That sounds great, Han." "I want a real small puppy, but Daddy says real small puppies are hard to teach things and they need lots and lots of 'ttention, like babies. Jason at school gots a baby sister and he says she cries all the time. Do puppies cry too?" "Puppies don't cry," Meredith shook her head. "But he might bark a lot. Puppies sometimes bark a lot.” "Then how come they need lots of 'ttention?" "Because they're kind of like babies. They need to get lots of taking care of or else they'll pee in the house and make really big messes." "Cause they don't got mommys or daddys, right?" "Yep," Meredith nodded. "So you have to be like his mommy and take lots of good care of him." "I will," Hannah said firmly. "Good. And Daddy, Uncle Mark and I will help." "Okay," Hannah grinned. "Mereith, wanna play balleina?" "Sure," Meredith grinned. "I don't got a tutu that's big for you," Hannah frowned and then jumped up. "But you can have a tiara." "That definitely sounds like a lot of fun," Meredith giggled. "Lots and lots," Hannah nodded, running over to a toy box in the corner. "But you gotta wear a feather thing cause I'm wearing a tutu." "I can do that," Meredith nodded. "Do you want me to do your hair?" Hannah paused for a second, biting her lip. "Do you know how to do doggie tails?" "Umm....what do they look like?" "Like ponytails only two right 'bove my ears." "Oh, I can do that," Meredith nodded. "Really?" Hannah grinned. "Definitely," Meredith smiled. "What 'bout pig ears?" Hannah asked, digging in her toy box. "What are pig ears?" "Two braids." "Oh..." Meredith nodded. "It's been a while since I braided but I think I can remember how to do it." "Okay," Hannah grinned widely, pulling out two tiaras. "I gotta do your hair, Mereith." "Okay," Meredith giggled. "We can...put on a movie and do each others hair. And make up." "Make up?" Hannah frowned. "Make up," Meredith nodded. "I have some in my bag." "Like...lipstick and stuff?" "Yeah, like lipstick and stuff," Meredith giggled softly. "You're not old enough to wear it all the time but it's fun to put it on and play pretend sometimes." "I never weared make up before," Hannah sighed, looking entirely wary of the concept. "You haven't?" Meredith frowned. "I mean...well...I didn't until I went to my first sleep over because my mom was...and your mom...sorry, rambling. I do that sometimes." "Daddy says I ramble too," Hannah giggled. "Do you?" Meredith laughed softly. "That's what Daddy says," Hannah nodded. "I don't know what it is but he tells me all the time to stop rambling, but he laughs. That means he's not real mad at me or anything. If he laughs and he says stop it's cause he thinks it's funny and he doesn't really want me to stop but he if he doesn't laugh and he says stop that means I've gotta stop or I get grounded. And grounded's real bad." "That was quite the impressive ramble, Hannah Shepherd." "That's a ramble?" "It was," Meredith nodded. "It means you talk a lot and about well...nothing, I guess. Lots of talking and not all that much of anything." "Oh," Hannah nodded slowly. "Is it real bad?" "Definitely not," Meredith shook her head. "Your daddy thinks it's cute when I do it so I'm sure he thinks the same thing about you." "Okay," Hannah said after a second. "Here's your tiara, Mereith." "Thank you, Han," Meredith grinned, slipping it on her head. "Do I look pretty?" "Yep," Hannah grinned. "But I gotta do your hair." "You do," Meredith nodded, reaching her hand. "Come on and we'll do that." "I'm real good at hair," Hannah smiled, taking Meredith's hand and leading her upstairs. "Good," Meredith grinned. Derek sighed as he slammed his car door shut, smiling only slightly at Meredith's car parked in the driveway. It was nice to come home to. Or it would be once he got inside and saw her, hopefully still alive after a night with his daughter. Hannah seemed better. She seemed to be doing better. But he couldn't even imagine what would happen if she chose her first night alone with Meredith to throw a temper tantrum. He had told Meredith to page him if anything went horribly wrong but he knew his girlfriend, she wouldn't have paged him. She would have tried to deal with it alone and he couldn't but worry that he was about to talk into his home entirely destroyed and Meredith waiting for him to get home so she could end it. He was more terrified than he even wanted to admit. He had planned on getting home earlier than this, much earlier. He had planned on coming home after letting Meredith have an hour or two alone with Hannah and then joining in on their girl's night, or at least making sure Hannah was entirely polite and helpful and not Satan's child. Instead, he had been caught at the hospital doing consults and paperwork. And now Meredith had been alone with Hannah for over four and a half hours. "Meredith? Hannah?" he called walking into the house. "Daddy's home!" he heard Hannah scream, quickly accompanied by Meredith's giggle. He assumed that was a good sign. Meredith was giggling, her entirely perfectly happy giggle that actually sounded like she might be on a surgery high even though that didn't make any sense. And Hannah sounded beyond happy. "Daddy is home," he laughed, walking toward the sound of their voices. "You gotta hide the brownies," he heard Hannah whisper loudly, a giggle accompanying her words. "Exactly what brownies are we hiding?" he asked as he walked into the living room and stopped in his tracks. He didn't actually know what to look at. His daughter wearing her favourite tutu and her favourite tiara with her hair up and bright lips. Or his girlfriend who's hair around her tiara was ever so slightly messy and a feather boa around her neck. "What did I miss?" "Hi, Daddy!" Hannah was bouncing. Literally, bouncing in the spot she stood, a brownie in her hand. "Hi Hannah," Derek laughed sofly. "Hey, Der," Meredith giggled from her spot on the floor, an empty bowl in front of her. "I'm not exactly sure if I want to know what went on here tonight," he sighed, leaning down to kiss Meredith quickly. "Lots of stuff!" Hannah grinned, still bouncing. "We watched movies and Mereith put make up on me, Daddy! And did my hair and I did her hair and she said I was the pwettiest but I said she's real pwetty cause I did her hair! All by myself!" "You did a good job," Derek laughed. "You both look beautiful." "Doesn't Hannah look beautiful with make up?" Meredith grinned up at him. "She does," he smiled. "Very pretty and grown up." "That's cause I'm six and a big girl!" "You are," Derek nodded, hugging his daughter quickly before glancing at Meredith. "Do I even want to know how much sugar was consumed in this house tonight?" "Probably not," Meredith giggled. "Want a brownie?" "No, I'm good," he shook his head, rubbing his stomach. "We have pupcakes and ice cream and cookies and brownies and Cheetos too, Daddy!" Hannah exclaimed. "Wow," Derek breathed. "That's lots." "And chocolate sauce," Hannah added. "On the ice cream and the brownies! And Mereith let me have Pepsi!" "She did?" Derek asked, looking at Meredith again. "And I thought Mark was bad." "It's a girl's night," Meredith shrugged. "Basically created for eating food that's bad for you. And it was only a little bit." "It's fine, Mer," Derek shrugged back. "You had fun, I'm happy. And god you both look adorable." "I look adorablest!" Hannah giggled. "This is not a contest," Derek laughed, pulling out his cell phone and snapping a picture of Meredith. Katie says: "You seriously did not just take a picture of me, did you?" Meredith mock-frowned. "I may have," he nodded, as he took a picture of Hannah. "Together!" Hannah exclaimed. "Me and Mereith together, Daddy!" "Definitely," Derek smiled widely. "My two girls." "C'mon, Han," Meredith rolled her eyes, grabbing Hannah's hand and pulling her down onto her lap. "Since Daddy's making us take pictures. Because he's mean." "Mer, I can't actually pass this up," Derek laughed, clicking a picture of them. "It will be a nice background for my computer at work." "No it won't." "Oh it will," he smirked. "What do you think, Han?" "Yep," Hannah nodded eagerly, turning and kissing Meredith's cheek. "We'll be famous balleinas." "How am I supposed to say no to that?" Meredith rolled her eyes, kissing Hannah's cheek in return. "You can't," Hannah giggled, cuddling into Meredith's arms. "I really can't," Meredith sighed, hugging her tightly. "Daddy, can Mereith come over tomorrow and have 'nother girl's night?" Hannah turned back to him, a huge grin on her face. ""We'll have to see," Derek smiled widely. "Meredith has a really big test coming up so she has to study a lot." "What kinda test?" Hannah asked. "It's an intern test," Derek explained. "So she won't be an intern anymore." "Is it hard?" "Pretty hard," Meredith answered. "But she'll do great," Derek assured his daughter, smiling at Meredith. "We can only hope," Meredith sighed. "You'll do great!" Hannah echoed her father, kissing Meredith's cheek again. "Thank you, Hannah," Meredith smiled. "If I pass we can do this again to celebrate." "Which means she'll have to start sleeping off the sugar high now to be prepared in two weeks," Derek sighed, shaking his head slightly. "Han, why don't you go upstairs and get ready for bed? I'll be up in a second to tuck you in." "Kay, Daddy," Hannah nodded, slipping off Meredith's lap before turning back to her. "I had fun, Mereith." "I had fun too, Han," Meredith grinned, reaching forward to hug her. "Night, love you." "Love you too," Hannah smiled, hugging her tightly before running up the stairs. "I swear she talked me into the Pepsi," Meredith said after a second, a smile on her face. "Sure, I believe you," he laughed. "She really did," Meredith giggled, getting up off the floor. "You kept up with her all night, didn't you?" "Yeah," Meredith shrugged. "She was...she's great." "I know," he nodded, falling onto the couch and gesturing for her to join him. "So I assume it went well." "Really, really well," Meredith nodded, falling onto the couch next to him, curling up into his arms, her feather boa tickling his chin. "Thank god," he sighed. "I was expecting to come home to Hannah screaming, my home in shambles and you in tears wanting to run far away from all this." "Oh, so you were imagining my best case scenario," she laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist. "It was good, Der. She...I think she's okay. I think...and she's cute and...I think we're okay. I'm apparently her bestest friend in the world, along with Eskimo." "That is perfect," he grinned. "Sad you compete with a non existent dog though." "Apparently he won't be non existent by Saturday," she giggled. "So she told you," he sighed. "Want to come?" "I'm working," she sighed. "And then studying." "Sorry" he murmured, kissing her forehead. "It will be over soon." "I hope so," she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder. "I should go." "I wish you didn't have to." "I know," she sighed. "Me too." "Eventually I'll get to keep you," he grinned. "Yeah," she nodded, turning and kissing him. "I'll see you tomorrow, Der." "Definitely," he sighed. "Thanks for doing this. I know you were freaked out but thanks." "I was freaked out," she admitted. "But it was..it was good. Really, really good. And I...I love her, Der." "I know," he whispered. "You have no idea how much I love hearing you say that." "Almost as much as you love hearing me say I love you?" she giggled. "Yeah..." he breathed. "Love you, Derek," she smiled, brushing her lips against his. "Love you too," he grinned. "And she should crash sooner or later," she giggled, getting up off the couch and taking off the tiara and the feather boa. "Yeah, in a few hours when I'm on the tenth book I'll remember who to thank." "I cut her off an hour ago," Meredith shrugged. "Well, except for that last brownie." "Mer, cutting her off doesn't help with that much sugar." "You're so weird with your anti-sugarness." "I'm not anti-sugarness. I'm pro-Derek-sleeping." "Anti-sugarness." "You're buying me coffee in the morning." "Fine," she rolled her eyes. "That or I call you when Hannah is keeping me up and you can talk to her all night." "I'll be up anyway," she shrugged. "I'll read to her about ortho." "That may actually knock her out." "You should find your old textbooks," Meredith giggled. "I'm not the one who needs to study," he laughed. "Though since this went well you're more than free to come over here and study." "I...yeah," she nodded. "I'll...that sounds good." "You really are going to do great, Mer," he whispered. "Go say good night to Hannah, Der," she murmured, kissing him quickly. "I love you." "I love you too," he smiled. "Bye," she nodded, walking out of the house quickly. Derek looked at the dirty plates around him and smiled to himself. His house was definitely in some form of dissaray but a lot better than he expected. Everything had been better than expected. Everyone had been happy and smiling and maybe it was sugar fueling most of it but he didn't care. His girlfriend and his daughter apparently loved each other. He couldn't ask for more. Well I made up my mind Not gonna let you get away To think that I'm the lucky guy I've almost got it made Disclaimer: We watch the Meredith and Derek sneak from tomorrow night and giggle a lot. Because Mer is freaking out and Derek is confused and wierded out and they're both sweeping up Ellis with their hands. It feels like something we'd write. Sadly...we didn't. She was shaking. Meredith Grey was literally shaking. And grinning. She was pretty sure it wasn't this possible to be this happy, this relieved. Except it was entirely how she felt. It was over. It was totally over and now she was...she couldn't believe it. But she was shaking. She had been shaking the whole way to Derek's house from the hospital. And she was shaking now at his door. The last two weeks had been hell full of books and highlighters. And she had kept poor Derek up all night the night before, because somehow his voice had been the only thing that could manage to keep her calm. And now she was calm, and shaking. She wasn't exactly sure how she had managed to do it, but she had. It was done. Her intern year was done and it felt incredible. Somehow, they both had the day off. And she would have the next two weeks off. Which was...insane. Completely insane. But she would have the next two weeks off and then she would be a resident. Not an intern. A resident. With her own interns. It was entirely crazy and as she raised her hand and rang the doorbell, she was amazed by how much she was actually shaking. "You're smiling!" Derek's voice greeted her as he swung the door open. "You're smiling." "I'm smiling," she giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. "I'm now Dr. Meredith Grey, second year resident." "That's my girl," he grinned widely as he wrapped his own arms around her and spun her around. "Congrats." "Derek!" she giggled again, slapping his back until he put her back down and kissed her. "How badly did you kill it?" he asked, running his fingers through her hair. "Highest marks," she whispered excitedly. "Not even...I got highest marks." "Oh Mer, that's amazing," he breathed squeezing her tightly. "I knew you could do it." "I still can't believe it," she was bouncing now. Completely bouncing. "I...I'm done. Intern year is over and I passed and now...now I'm a resident and I'll have my own interns and...wow. Completely wow. I just can't believe it. And this is huge and big and I passed." "You passed," he nodded. "And this is huge." "I'm pretty sure it's the biggest thing since...well I don't know. But it's big and scary and amazing and I'm...I'm a resident." "You're a resident," he nodded, before kissing her again. "Hmmm," she breathed, deepening the kiss. "I am so proud," he murmured softly against her lips. "I know," she smiled, her fingers playing with his hair. "I'm a resident." "You are," he nodded. "Slightly better hours." "Slightly," she winced. "But...I'm a resident." She leaned forward again to kiss him. "Hmmm..." he groaned happily. "I love you." "I love you too," she breathed. "God, you must be on a high," he sighed. "I am," she giggled. "It's like...surgery and sugar and...I'm a resident. And I'm done. Well, done with being an intern. I still have to be a resident and then...but I'm done. And it's over and...I passed. And it's completely amazing. It's just...incredible and...wow. Really, really wow." "I told you you were worried too much last night." "I know," she sighed, kissing him deeply again. "That was around four a.m. right?" "Yes, I do think so," he laughed. "You're lucky I don't have lives to save today." "I don't think I've ever stayed on the phone that long in my life," she giggled. "I know I haven't." "Thank you though," she whispered, a grin still on her face. "No problem," he shrugged. "I like spending all night talking to you." "Even when I'm rambling and freaking out?" "Especially when you're rambling and freaking out." "I'd call you crazy but...I'm on a total high and I don't think I can," she giggled, trailing her fingers up and down his chest. "Where's Hannah?" "Ballet camp." "Oh really?" Meredith raised an eyebrow, kissing him deeply, her fingers going down to the hem of his shirt. "Really," he breathed. "Good," she whispered, slipping his shirt off, her fingers working rapidly at his jeans. "We've never actually had sex here," he murmured, working at pulling her shirt over her head. "I know we haven't," she nodded, trying to ignore the quick bit of annoyance at that. The past two weeks she had been at the Shepherd house a lot, and every once in a while, she felt like a complete stranger here. She shook her head slightly while she kicked off her shoes, pushing his jeans down over his hips. "We should now though." "Definitely," he nodded, his hands working at her pants. "Good," she breathed, pushing him towards the couch as she stepped out of her pants, kissing him hard as they fell back onto the couch. "Mer..." he groaned against her lips, his hands slipping underneath her panties to squeeze her ass tightly, dragging her down to his erection. "God, Derek," she gasped, her hands moving to the waistband of his boxers and pushing them down quickly while his hands worked her panties down. He trailed kisses down her chest, licking and nibbling slightly along the edges of her bra while she centered herself over him, the wetness making contact with his erection only slightly. "Fuck," he grunted, shifting his hips to run his length along her folds without entering. "Oh..." "Oh...shit, Derek," she moaned, her back arching at the friction as she moved against him, the friction causing both of them to tighten their grasp on each other. "Derek...Der...god..." "Need...inside," he breathed as he moved again to hold her tightly to him as he slipped inside her. "Oh!" she gasped, her muscles clenching around him and holding him in place for a few torturous seconds. Her muscles relaxed and he began to move slowly in and out of her, his lips finding hers. "Mer..." he breathed, his hand roaming her body as he thrusted slowly and gently into her. She kissed him harder as she moved against him, her breath hitching in her throat when he moved harder into her. "Derek," she breathed, biting down on his shoulder as he lost all sense of rhythmic movement and thrusted in and out of her, his speed picking up. "Der!" "God...oh....Mer..." he moaned, his body rocking harder into hers as he felt everything in him begin to tighten and beg for release. "Derek...I'm...oh god!" she screamed, her body shaking violently against his as she bit down harder on his shoulder, her head swimming. "Meredith," he grunted, feeling himself release into her as she shook against him. She kissed him hard, their chests heaving against each other as they tried to come down from their orgasms. "Wow," she breathed. "Wow," he echoed. "I'm...I'm a resident," she giggled, resting her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "You should pass tests more often," he laughed. "I never want to take that test again," she shook her head, pressing a trail of kisses down his chest. "I don't know, stressed out Mer was kind of cute." "Happy post-orgasmic Mer is trying to get up the energy to hit you." "Happy post-orgasmic Derek hates to need to tell happy post-orgasmic Meredith she needs to the find the energy to get dressed." "Seriously?" she groaned, nuzzling his chest. "Seriously," he sighed. "We can steal a few more minutes like this but she's home soon enough." "Okay," she sighed, moving off his chest to reach for her panties, throwing him his boxers. "Thanks," he nodded. "You look beautiful by the way." "Cheesy," she giggled, pulling her shirt over her head. "No, Mer, you really do. You've been so stressed that you've looked good but not...the smile really suits you." "I've been smiling," she rolled her eyes, pulling her jeans back on before falling back on the couch. "Not completely, no. You have been but the rest of your face hasn't been in it. Now it is." "Because I'm a resident. I passed and I'm a resident and that's huge and big and completely amazing. And I just got hot sex on my boyfriend's couch." "I know why you're smiling, goof," he laughed as he kissed her cheek. "Really? Because I just wanted to say it again," she giggled, turning to capture his lips again. "Say it as much as you want, Mer." "I'm a resident," she breathed against his lips. "You are," he smiled. "Which means I can't call you my favourite intern anymore." "I can be your favorite resident," she grinned. "You already are," he smiled, kissing her lightly. "I guess Lexie can be my favourite intern, keep it in the family." "You better keep your hands off my baby sister," she threatened, her fingers working with his messy curls. "I know how you operate now, Dr. Shepherd. Getting innocent interns into on call rooms." "A...that was just you. And B...there's nothing innocent about you." "There might have been before you." "Sure, I'll just pretend I never heard the stories about tequila and one night stands." "Highly exaggerated." "Somehow I don't believe you." "You should believe me today," she giggled. "I'm a resident." "Fine. I'm the one that corrupted you." "Thank you," she breathed, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm a resident." "You're a resident. And I'm the proudest attending in the world." "You should be," she nodded. "I totally killed neuro, by the way. Entirely and completely and...Cristina says she's going cardio and I'm definitely going neuro and...I'm rambling and I have no idea why.” "Because I love it?" "Yes, I'm rambling because you love it," she rolled her eyes. "Or because your brain is on a complete overload and it's working too fast to really process thoughts?" "That might be it," she laughed. "Because I'm a resident." "So you keep saying," he laughed softly. "It doesn't seem real," she sighed. "I'm...I'm a resident. In two weeks, I'll have interns." "Which is kind of frightening." "You think I can't handle interns?" "Oh you can," Derek smiled. "I just have this image of a hospital full of mini-Mers." "And that would be bad because..." "Not bad...just kind of scary." "I was a great intern," she giggled, pushing him back down on the couch and straddling him, kissing him deeply "You were," he whispered against her lips. "I don't remember you ever complaining," she murmured, deepening the kiss further. "Definitely didn't." "I love you," she whispered. "I love you too," he murmured. She leaned forward to kiss him again, stopping when she heard the front door open and then Mark's voice call out, "Make way for the best ballerina in the world, Hannah Banana Shepherd!" "Sorry," Derek frowned slightly. "Later?" "Yeah," she nodded, rolling off of him. "In the living room, Hannah!" Derek called out. "Daddy!" Hannah exclaimed as she ran in, wearing a leotard and tights. "Daddy!" "Hannah!" Derek laughed softly. "Someone sounds like they had a good day." "It was the bestest day ever!" Hannah exclaimed, jumping into his arms. "Ballet camp is the bestest and coolest thing and I made friends and Miss Ellen said I was the bestest dancer!" "That's great, Hannah!" Derek smiled widely as he hugged his daughter. "And Daddy, there's a whole lot of dances. There's hop hip and modern and jazz and tap and funk and...there's lots and lots of dances!" "Is there? That's very cool." "I know," Hannah nodded excitedly. "Can I do all of them, Daddy? Please?" "All of them seems kind of impossible," Derek sighed. "But maybe we can pick one more that you can do." "Miss Ellen says she did modern and ballet and jazz and tap," Hannah insisted. "And tap is real cool cause you get shoes and they make clicky noises. I don't know what modern is though." "I'm not sure either. Maybe we can talk to Miss Ellen and see what she thinks." "Kay," Hannah nodded. "And Daddy, we did lots of bar today and I don't like bar so much but sometimes it's okay but it was real fun and we had snacks and everything." "That sounds like a great time," Derek nodded. "And bar is important for ballet, you know that." "I know," Hannah groaned. "No groaning," Derek laughed. "I can do p'sitions though!" Hannah perked up, grabbing his hand and trying to pull him off the couch. "I'll teach you, Daddy." "You will?" Derek grinned. "Yeah!" Hannah nodded excitedly. "C'mon, Daddy. You gotta stand up!" "You're going to teach me now?" "Yep!" "Okay," Derek nodded, pretending to make an effort to get up. "You're so old, Daddy," Hannah giggled. "Now, this is first p'sition, it's real easy!" "It looks easy," Derek nodded. "Gotta turn your toes outside, Daddy," Hannah sighed. "I don't know if my legs go that way," he laughed. "Make 'em," Hannah giggled, bending down to move his feet. "Okay, that hurts a little," Derek grimaced. "That's because you're weak, Shep," Mark rolled his eyes, glancing over at Meredith who was sitting on the couch, watching the scene, her arms crossed over her chest. "My legs want to stay in normal position and that makes me weak?" Derek asked. "Uncle Monkey did it," Hannah reported. "Of course he did," Derek rolled his eyes. "I'm just flexible," Mark smiled lewdly. "Grey, come with me to get a first aid kit for the old man here, and a couple of bottles of water for the ballerinas." "Oh," Meredith sighed. "Umm...okay." "Hannah, don't break your dad's back or anything," Mark chuckled as he led Meredith into the kitchen. "I passed my test," Meredith informed Mark. "Congratulations," Mark nodded, reaching into the fridge for a couple of beers. "I'm guessing that's not why you look like someone killed your puppy." "What? No, I don't. I'm happy. This is....I'm happy. I'm a resident and life is good and I'm happy." "I saw you out there, Grey," Mark sighed, handing her a beer. "Hell, that's not the first time I've seen you look like that." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Of course you don't. You and Shep at least have celebratory sex?" "We did. He was...and then...it's nothing, Mark." "And you look like shit because..." "Because sometimes...sometimes it feels like...things. It feels like things and it's...I said it was nothing. We're not talking. I barely know you, you're my boyfriend's best friend and I don't know you. So...nothing." "So it's nothing because I'm a concerned guy who's trying to help you out?" "Mark, there's nothing to talk about. Hannah is his daughter, Hannah's his world and I'm just...I'm me." "Yeah, she's his world. So are you. Or at least you should be," Mark shrugged. "We're not talking about this. I love him. He loves me. We're good. And I'm...we can't both be his world." "Why the hell not?" "It's just...I don't know. But Hannah is his daughter and I'm just...I'm his girlfriend. I don't...his daughter has to come first. It's...I can't spend the night and I can't cuddle naked with him on the couch and I can't...she had a good day and she wants her daddy. It doesn't...that makes sense. And I'm good." "Yeah, you sound good." "It's not his fault," Meredith murmured. "Meredith," Mark grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the fridge and then turned to her, "you just passed your intern exam. Shep should be fucking you all over the place and taking you out for cheesy ass dates and all that shit. Instead he's learning ballet positions in the living room. I'd say that's his fault. But what the hell do I know?" "He loves his daughter." "Yeah, he does," Mark nodded. "He loves you too." "I know." "You do?" Mark asked. "Because you look like shit." "I know he loves me," Meredith said firmly. "I...when he looks at me, I know. I really...I know. He loves me and he doesn't...it's just...he doesn't actually want to hurt me. He would never mean to hurt me." "Yeah, well, Shep's an ass. He does a lot of shit without meaning to." "I love him," Meredith whispered. "I know that, Grey." "And we're good. We are." "Doesn't sound very convincing." “Mark…” "I'm just saying, Grey. If you love the guy and he's hurting the hell out of you, at least kick him in the family jewels or something," Mark shrugged. "Now I have to go and watch Shep get his ass handed to him by a six year old. If he thought first position was hard, wait until he gets to that fifth position shit." He turned and left the kitchen, leaving Meredith standing alone. Meredith took a deep breath and tried to arrange a smile back on her face. Mark was probably right. She knew that. Derek loved her, and she should probably talk to him. She was starting to realize that. This was...the past two weeks had been bad. Well kind of perfect in some ways but bad in this way and she was...she wasn't miserable and she just...she wanted Derek. He was a great boyfriend. A perfect boyfriend. Well, almost perfect. But he was also a great dad. A really, really great dad which was wonderful and cute and...but she wanted Derek. She understood Hannah had to come first, she understood Derek had to be a dad, but there were times like now when Hannah would walk in and Meredith would all but disappear. I need a sure thing and you are a mystery to me Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy Addison would still be in Seattle. Actually no...she would be in New York. Or maybe LA. And just...PP wouldn't be as painfully bad as it is. Because it is painfully bad. (sorry if you like it...all the power to you) "Watch out for that rock," Derek laughed, grabbing onto her hand to help her over the land. "Once it's finally done we're going to have to even this all out." "Yeah, so Hannah doesn't kill herself out here," Meredith smiled. We. He was saying we. He always said we when he talked about the house. Which was...big. Big and a little scary but good too. Really good. "Exactly," he nodded. "She's not a big fan of slowing down." "Definitely not," she giggled, squeezing his hand. "But it's a while before we have to do that. I'm trying to figure out if I should just pay a landscaper." "You could," she nodded, stepping over another rock. "Or you could be hot and sweaty and do it yourself." "Do you want me to be hot and sweaty?" "You know I like you hot and sweaty." "You do," he nodded. "Would you come over and help?' "I'll come over and watch Hannah," she grinned widely. "Well I guess that's helpful enough," he laughed. "Though Hannah being here might make the hot and sweaty thing awkward." "Oh, you're thinking dirty hot and sweaty." "There's another kind?" "I meant in a totally innocent way," she teased. "Oh yes. I forgot I was dating Saint Meredith." "I was Saint Meredith before you corrupted me, remember?" she giggled, turning to kiss him deeply. "It's amazing, Der." "It is, isn't it?" "Entirely." "It's going to have a perfect few of the lake." "From where?" she asked softly. "The master bedroom and the living room will have the best views." "Wow," she breathed, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I know," he whispered, wrapping his own arms around her. "I needed you to see it." "It's great, Derek," she murmured against his chest, looking at the beginnings of his new house. "It's home," he nodded. "For...it's home." "Has Hannah been out here to see it yet?" she asked, trying to keep down the hope that was surging through her. "Not yet," he shook his head. "I'm not sure she'll get the idea that this mess is a house. And you're...I wanted you to see it." "Oh," she nodded slowly. "I...it's perfect. Really, really perfect." "Good," he nodded and then took a deep breath. "You know it's...obviously we have a lot of steps to take before but...eventually, this isn't a home just for Hannah and I." "It...it isn't?" "No. It's...I was kind of thinking you could help pick the color of the master bedroom, our bedroom." "Our...our bedroom," Meredith was suddenly thankful she was leaning into him. Her knees were feeling funny and...she was just thankful he was holding her close. "Yeah," he breathed, kissing her cheek. "Eventually." "So this...you...us," she chewed on her bottom lip, trying to think of saying something that didn't sound too hopeful. Or too freaking out. "Together." "Yeah," he nodded and then cleared his throat. "If that's what you want, I mean." "Oh," she looked up at him. "I...yeah. I think so. Yeah. That's...sage?" "Sage?" "Sage green." "Oh bedroom," he laughed softly. "That would be nice." "What did you think I was talking about?" she giggled, leaning forward and kissing him lightly. "I had no idea," he laughed. "You were kind of freaking out and then you said sage. It was random." "I wasn't freaking out," she shook her head. "You weren't?" "No," she shook her head. "Not really. I mean, maybe a little because we haven't even...we haven't even known each other for a year yet and...so maybe a little but mostly no. I wasn't...this is good. Really, really good. Houses and bedroom colors and...that's good." "Definitely freaking out," he laughed. "But it led to a good so I'm good." "No, Der," she sighed. "I'm really not. It's a little fast but...you said eventually. And that's good." "Definitely eventually," he nodded. "When all three of us feel ready for that step." "Yeah, of course," she nodded, pulling away and taking his hand again. "So...you're okay?" "I'm great, Derek." "Good," he smiled, squeezing her hand. "And it's...amazing out here," she breathed as he led her towards the lake. "I know it is," he nodded. "I'm glad you told me to buy it." "Because you wouldn't have?" "I honestly don't know. I had been saying I would for so long and never did...I needed the kick in the bum." "Derek...Hannah's not here. Ass is okay." "Sorry," he laughed. "Force of habit." "I know," she sighed, biting her lip. This was going well. And things had been good. In the past couple of days, he hadn't done it. He hadn't made her feel invisible or anything. So there was no point in bringing up his other force of habit. They were good. They were perfect. He had just practically asked her to move in with him. "Since she's not here I guess I can tell you you look very sexy," he smirked. "I guess you can," she giggled. "So do you." "Of course I do," he smiled. "I don't know why I ever compliment you." "Because you love me." "Sadly." "Sadly?" "Sadly," she nodded, giggling slightly as she put the blanket down. "I'm hurt." "You'll get over it." "I don't know if I will." "Poor poor baby." "Poopyhead." "Excuse me?" she stared at him. "You heard me." "I did. I didn't realize I was dating a six year old." "You're dating the father of a six year old. She'll get you saying it eventually." "I sincerely doubt it." "You say that now." "Normal people don't say poopyhead," she shook her head as he sat down next to her, handing her a beer. "Are you saying I'm not normal?" "Maybe I am." "Now I'm really hurt." "Again...you'll get over it," she sighed, leaning into him, her head resting on his shoulder. "You hope I do." "And if you don't?” "You may never have sex again." "That's okay...I'm Saint Meredith, remember?" she giggled, her hand falling to lightly massage his upper thigh. "You're actually kind of evil." "You actually kind of love me." "Sadly," he smirked. "Of course," she rolled her eyes, taking her hand away. "Hungry?" "Very," she grinned. "I have sandwiches so you better be okay with simple," he laughed, leaning over to grab the cooler. "What?" she mock pouted. "No five course meal? And we're at such a nice restaurant." "You would be bored and impatient with a five course meal." "I probably would," she laughed. "I'm always good with sandwiches here, Der. It's...it's great and...eventually, we have to keep doing this." "We do," he nodded, handing her a sandwich and grabbing one for himself before leaning back on the blanket. "This is by far my favourite thing to do with you. Well besides the other thing." "Oh the other thing?" she nodded slowly. "The sex thing, you mean?" "Yeah, that thing." "That is a good thing. Especially earlier today. In your office." "That was a very good thing," he grinned. "I like having two weeks off," she giggled. "I can come visit you at work and not have to work." "It is kind of great," he smiled. "Although I'm trying not to miss you too much." "That's a little cheesy, Der," Meredith rolled her eyes, leaning back against him. "Oh...so you're not missing me?" "I see you almost every day." "But not at work." "I saw you today." "Mer, you're entirely missing the point." "I am?" "Yes. I like bumping you coming around a corner and having lunch with you and operating with you...that stuff miss you." "Oh," she nodded, blushing slightly. "I do miss cutting...with you." "I know." "I'll be back soon," she sighed. "Well that sounded excited." "I am...but...resident. Interns. It's going to be...kind of scary." "You'll manage fine." "I hope so," she sighed, cuddling closer to him. "You will," he nodded. "And if any of your interns are too bad just send them to me to whip into shape." "I'm so not sending my interns to my boyfriend," she rolled her eyes. "You have to send them to me eventually." "Yes. But not so you can whip them into shape." "We'll see," he sighed. "Although...we're going to have to deal with your interns, all the interns, finding out about us." "Yeah," she groaned. "I know." "It won't be bad. No one is going to question their bosses." "Still...not good," Meredith sighed. "Mer...we can handle it." "We can," she nodded firmly. "In two weeks. We...no worrying about it now." "Definitely not," he shook his head. "Date night. What do you want to do after this?" "I don't know," she sighed. "You have to be back at the house in an hour to tuck in Hannah." "I do," he nodded. "So...I don't know...I'm not really in the mood to go to a movie theatre or anything." "Okay," he nodded slowly. "Want to just stay in for the rest? Cuddle and watch a movie?" "Really?" she grinned. "Yeah," he smiled. "That sounds perfect," she nodded, leaning back against him, looking at the water. "It does," he breathed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meredith sighed as she walked around Derek's living room, trying not to think about the fact it had almost been an hour since Derek had gone upstairs with Hannah. Usually it didn't take this long. Usually Hannah fell asleep pretty fast. But it had almost been an hour and she just wanted to cuddle up with her boyfriend. Her amazing boyfriend who had practically asked her to move in. He had to come down soon. She was probably giving him a harder time than usual and there was nothing he could do about that, she knew that. She just wanted to get back to cuddling with him and talking about their house. Because as much as he had been referring to a mysterious we the entire time he had never made it quite that clear that that was where this was heading. She had wanted it to go there. She had realized it at some point and had just started thinking that she wanted it to go there. And other places. Big places. Big places involving big things. But she had never quite realized he wanted the same thing. So now that it was out there...kind of freaking out. But mostly excited. Even if it had been an hour. Which definitely wasn't his fault. "Sorry about that," his voice interrupted her as he bounded down the stairs. "Mark gave her a little too much sugar I think." "It's fine," she smiled lightly. "She's asleep now?" "She is," Derek sighed. "She says goodnight again by the way. And again. And I think one more time." "She did hug me around six times," Meredith giggled. "Told you...too much sugar." "Probably," she sighed, falling onto the couch. "What do you want to watch tonight?" he asked. "Hmmm," she murmured. "Nothing that requires thinking." "Can do," he nodded, looking through his movies. "Good," she grinned, pulling a throw off the back of the couch. "Hmmm...how does Wedding Crashers sound?" "Sounds good," she nodded. "Cool," he nodded, throwing it in before going to join her on the couch. "Definitely," she yawned slightly as he pulled her into his arms. "Tired," he