YOU PICKED ME - Part 1

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YOU PICKED ME - Part 1; Trilogy according to Alicia & Katie
Topic Started: Dec 27 2007, 11:54 AM (184 Views)
oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 11:54 AM Post #1
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	You Picked Me AU Marilyn&Grave Hello everyone! And welcome to the newest fic! What to say...what to say...another AU one. Though not as AU as The Luckiest. But AU all the same. More cuteness, laughter, some angst (because really, what's Mer/Der without the angst?), and new characters to love and want to snuggle. We hope you'll enjoy it! So the lyrics... You Picked Me A Fine Frenzy one two three, counting out the signs we see the tall buildings fading in the distance only dots on a map four five six the two of us a perfect fit you’re all mine all mine and all I can say is you blow me away like an apple on a tree hiding out behind the leaves I was difficult to reach but you picked me like a shell upon a beach just another pretty piece I was difficult to see but you picked me, yeah you picked me so softly, rain against the windows and the strong coffee warming up my fingers in this fisherman’s house you got me, searched the sand and climbed the tree and brought me back down and all I can say is you blow me away like an apple on a tree hiding out behind the leaves I was difficult to reach but you picked me like a shell upon a beach just another pretty piece I was difficult to see but you picked me, yeah you picked me Disclaimer; Shonda is making Mer and Der into the cutest non couple in this history of the world. Which might be confusing you and making you wonder if we own the show. We have one word to prove we don't....Gizzie. If Meredith Grey could make a list of place she didn't want to be she assumed this would be on the top of the list. Somewhere below visiting with her mom, possibly somewhere above going to the dentist. And yet her she was. Wearing her good, sexy but still professional black dress and her strappy sandels and nursing a glass of red wine in her hand. She wanted to be anywhere but here. She definitely hadn't been expecting this. She had thought her intern year would start off with her in the hospital in scrubs working a forty-eight hour shift and questioning why the hell she had ever wanted to be a doctor. That's what she had told Lexie her first day as an intern would be like, anyway. But now she was at this mixer with the other interns, trying to make small talk. She hated small talk. She didn't do the mingling thing. Well she did the mingling thing when it involved something a little stronger than wine, and a lot of that something. And some men. Not her fellow interns. She didn't want to be here. She was good with the intern thing. Well actually kind of terrified of the intern thing because it was definitely huge and scary but she could manage it. But not the small talk. Not the small talk with the short stammering guy who was talking about...something. She wasn't sure what he was talking about. She should probably be listening to him, because he was an intern and she should probably try to make friends. But she hated small talk. And she hated that she was here. There had to be a way to get out of here and get some tequila. She glanced around the room, secretly looking for the nearest exit. There had to be some door that she could just slip out and dissapear. No one would notice at all. She could just leave and start making friends tomorrow when she didn't have to do small talk and just do the cutting thing. Or well the watching other people cut thing, but all the same, she could make friends then. Molly would probably say she was being anti social, and Susan would definitely tell her to stay and talk to people. But they weren't here to struggle through small talk. They weren't here to listen to short stammering guy talk about where he went to school. She definitely needed to leave. Definitely. Now. Her eyes swept the room stopping not on an exit, but on a tall, dark-haired guy in a red shirt. He was talking to someone and laughing. She could tell even from this distance that it was a nice laugh, full bellied. Not that she had any idea what that was supposed to mean but it seemed to match him. Sexy also matched him. His hair looked just about perfect and his eyes were....well she didn't have a clear view of them but from what she could tell they were heart stopping. She bit her lip as she watched him, at the way his eyes crinkled at the edges when he laughed, at the way he ran his hand through his short curly hair. He was completely fuckable. Hopefully he was an intern. If he was an intern, she could definitely sleep with him. Not that she should be sleeping with coworkers, but he was completely...he was looking at her. Shit. He was definitely really looking at her, his eyes sweeping over her in a completely yummy way that should be creepy but when he was doing it it certainly wasn't. She actually felt a shimmer run down her spine as their eyes met. If he was an intern she was definitely going to have to sleep with him. Not that she usually planned things this way, but well the man screamed sex. Hopefully he wasn't creeped out by the fact that she had been staring at him. She guessed he wasn't. From the way he was glancing over her, he definitely wasn't. And now he was smirking...good god the man could smirk. And not in one of those creepy smirks that made a girl feel like she was about to be eaten alive...but a really sexy smirk that promised her she was about to get the hottest sex of her life. He was moving now, walking toward her, still smirkng as he took a sip of the beer in his hands, the beer that was still in the bottle and not a glass like some sissy men thought was a good idea. That quite possibly made him even sexier. If he could get sexier. He even made walking look sexy. It was wrong. Entirely wrong and entirely yummy. "Hey," he greeted quietly as he reached her. "Hey," she greeted, hoping she sounded sexy and flirty and not...well not bored out of her skull and planning on dragging him into an on call room for sex. She had heard about the on call rooms at hospitals. Seemed like a good idea to have sex with him in an on call room. "Looking for an escape route?" he asked, his eyes twinkling. "If I say yes, do you swear not to tell?" she smiled. "Won't breathe a word," he nodded seriously, putting his one finger to his lips in a hushing motion. "Good," she breathed. He was kind of cheesy, but god he was hot. "What about you? Wanting to escape?" "It doesn't sound like a bad idea," he sighed. "These things are a form of torture." "I'm glad someone else agrees," she nodded. "I'm seriously considering ducking out and going to the bar across the street." "Or you could just stick around here and talk to me." "Oh, I could?" "You could," he smirked. "It could be fun." There was that smirk again. She needed him. Naked. In an on call room. "Are you saying you're fun to talk to and will completely relieve my boredom?" "That's about it," he nodded. "You really like yourself, don't you?" she giggled. Hopefully he liked giggling. "Just hiding my pain," he smiled. "Hmm," she smiled at him, moving a little closer to him. He was incredibly hot. "Meredith Grey, Dartmouth." "Derek Shepherd, head of neurosurgery. And please don't freak out just because I'm your boss." Holy crap. He was...crap. Crap. Crap. He was her boss. She had been plotting getting her boss naked in an on call room. She had been flirting with a boss. Crap. Why did she do this? Why was it always her? She was screwed. And he probably thought she was some kind of dumb slut. Crap. Crap. Crap. "No...um...I'm not," she shook her head quickly. "You are," he nodded, the smirk returning. "I'm definitely not freaking out," she shook her head. "Why would I be freaking out? You're my boss. I'm supposed to meet my bosses and that's what I just did. I met a boss. I talked to a boss. So I'm definitely not freaking out. At all. Completely not freaking out...sir. Dr. Shepherd. Not freaking out." "You just called me sir. And rambled, I think that qualifies as freaking out." "I'm supposed to call you sir. Or Dr. Shepherd. Or...I mean, there isn't a special name for head of neurosurgery, is there? You're just Dr. Shepherd, of course you are. Dr. Shepherd. The best neurosurgeon in the country. Not that I'm stalking you or whatever I just...I mean, I know because well, I think we studied a surgery of yours in med school but...god I'm not rambling. I'm stopping." "Don't," he laughed. "And it's Derek. We're not working, call me Derek...Meredith." "Oh," she breathed, momentarily thrown off by the way he said her name. It was...sexy. He was flirting. Or something. Which was...he probably wasn't flirting. Definitely not flirting. Bosses didn't flirt with interns. "I um...I read your article on internal decapitations and I...I mean I really look forward to working under...with you. Not under...well yes, under, because you're my boss." "You want to work under me?" he raised his eyebrows at her. "With...with you," she said quickly. "I can't wait to work with you. And learn and...learn from you." "You are completely freaking out." "I'm not." "You are." "I'm really not," she shook her head. "Seriously, I'm...really good under pressure. I do well in high stress situations, I don't freak out. Not that this is a high stress situation, it's just...I don't freak out. I'm good. Really good. Not that I'm trying to say I'm good at surgery because I honestly have no idea because tomorrow's my first day as an intern and you probably...yeah...but I'm not freaking out." "You are," he nodded. "You shouldn't be freaking out." "Not that I am freaking out...but if I were...why shouldn't I be?" "Because I'm just Derek," he shrugged. "I'm not your boss right now. And when I am I promise I'll go easy on you." "Why? Because I freaked out in front of you?" "Because I'm not evil," he laughed. "And I like you." "You like me." "I like you." "You don't know me. I could be a crap intern." "You might be. But I still like you." "Oh," she bit her lip. He liked her. This was...probably not good. She didn't want special treatment. She didn't want her boss liking her for no apparent reason. He probably thought she was a complete idiot. Crap. She was completely screwed. "You should try to breathe." "I'm breathing." "Of course you are." "If I weren't, I'd be dead," she said. "As a doctor you should know that." He looked at her, a small smile playing at his lips and she groaned inwardly. She had just insulted the best neurosurgeon in the country. God she needed tequila. "I didn't...I didn't mean that you don't...I mean...crap." "Yeah...well..." he laughed gently as he glanced at his watch. "Crap. I have to go." Thank God. Or maybe not. He was probably saying he had to go so he didn't have to talk to her anymore. She was on scut for the rest of her life. "Lucky you," she managed. "Want to sneak out with me?" "What?" she shook her head, staring at him. Was he...he said he had to go and now he was offering her to go home and have sex? What the hell was going on? And didn't he realize she was his intern. He was her boss. "If we leave together they'll assume thngs...not sneaking out kind of things," he shrugged. "They'll assume...Dr. Shepherd, you're my boss." "Derek. And I know." "So they can't assume anything. Bad things happen when people assume things about interns and bosses." "Fine," he sighed, his eyes still twinkling as he smiled at her. "Just trying to help you out." "I know but I don't need your help," she sighed. "I should probably stay. Meet more bosses. And stuff. And...it was good meeting you, Dr. Shepherd." "Derek." "Dr. Shepherd," she repeated. "And um....I'll see you tomorrow I guess. And...I actually I wasn't looking for an escape route. This is good. For interns and...tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow." "Definitely see you tomorrow," he nodded, reaching over to squeeze her arm quickly. "It was...nice meeting you." "Yeah," she breathed. "Yeah," he nodded. "So tomorrow." "Tomorrow," she nodded quickly. "I promise I'll be good tomorrow. Like...surgery-wise not...behavior wise because that just makes me sound like a five year old." "I'm sure you'll kick ass," he grinned. "I hope so," she nodded. "Bye, Dr. Shepherd." "Bye Meredith," he smiled. She watched as he walked away, pulling his cell phone off his belt and groaned, leaning against the wall. Crap. She had not only hit on her boss, she had freaked out in front of him. She had freaked out in front of the head of neurosurgery. She was completely screwed. Completely and totally screwed. He probably thought she was an idiot, and if the rumors were true, he didn't allow idiots in his OR. She was screwed. And yet he kept saying he liked her. With that tiny smile that played around his mouth but didn't turn into a full smile. And he had flirted, there was definitely flirting going on and none of this made any sense. He was her boss.. He couldn't flirt, he couldn't tell her to call him Derek or any of that other stuff he had done. He had to be her boss and not...the really sexy flirty guy. She had maybe misread things. Or maybe she was just entirely screwed. This was not how her intern year at Seattle Grace Hospital was supposed to start. She wasn't supposed to hit on her really sexy boss. And she definitely wasn't supposed to freak out in front of him. And god, he was sexy. But she couldn't think that. Definitely couldn't think that. He was her boss. She was his intern. Tomorrow she would just go to work and pretend that none of that had ever happened. She'd go to work tomorrow and pretend that she hadn't met Derek tonight and definitely hadn't want to sleep with him. Tomorrow would be a new day and she'd just pretend that tonight was a dream. And they'd both go on and he could be her boss and she'd be his intern. It would be okay. As for now, she definitely needed a drink. A strong drink. Not that she should be going out and getting drunk at bars the night before her internship but she had just hit on her boss so she figured she deserved one. So she would act like she had to go to the washroom and then she would sneak out and go to the bar across the street. And forget all about this mixer and her incredibly sexy boss. Maybe I should stop and start over I'm gonna stop and start over Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy Derek would have a lot more children patients because Paddy with kids is the best thing in the world. On second thought...kids that need brain surgery is just sad. So umm...maybe we'd bring neices and nephews in. Or even better...this. "Daddy." Derek sighed as he burrowed underneath his blanket, trying to ignore the finger poking into his side and his alarm clock blaring next to him. "Daddy. The 'larm's screaming real loud." "Ignore it," he murmured, keeping his eyes firmly shut. "But you gotta get up, Daddy." "But I don't want to," he fake whined, reaching his arm out and pulling her close. "You gotta, Daddy," she giggled. "I gotta go day care." "You do?" "Yeah," he felt her nod firmly in his arms. "And you gotta go work." "I do?" "Yeah, Daddy." "Fun killer." "You silly, Daddy." "You're silly, Hannah Banana." "Nuh uh," Hannah shook her head, climbing on top of him. "The 'larm's screaming, Daddy." "Do you remember how I showed you to turn it off?" "Um...don't tink so," Hannah frowned, climbing over him to kneel over and stare at the alarm clock. "Lots of buttons, Daddy." "There are a lot," he nodded, sitting up to look over. "It's that button, remember?" "Oh yeah," Hannah nodded, pressing the button quickly. "No more screaming!" "All quiet," he laughed. "Morning, honey." "Morning, Daddy," she giggled, turning to kiss him on the cheek. "Daddy has to jump in the shower. Want to go get dressed while I do that?" "Can I wear my purple sweats?" "If that's what you want to wear," Derek nodded. "And my balleina shirt?" "Of course," he grinned, kissing her quickly. "Kay," she nodded, scrambling off his bed and running out of the room. Derek smiled and climbed the rest of the way out of bed. He hadn't gotten nearly as much sleep as he wanted to last night even though he had left the mixer early. Meredith Grey had kept him up all night. Meredith Grey and the giggle and the rambling and everything else. It was impossible to sleep when she kept dancing into his mind. So now he was tired and he had a five year old to get ready for day care. That was hard enough as it is when he wasn't exhausted after a night of only getting fours of sleep. He didn't understand why an intern was keeping him up all night. Yes, the giggle was adorable, and the rambling was absolutely the most amazing thing he'd ever heard. But there still wasn't a reason she'd keep him up all night. But here he was, dragging his ass out of bed at six to shower and get his daughter ready for day care. And he'd see her, or maybe see her. Just because they worked at the hospital doesn't mean that he'd actually see her today. Things could be crazy and busy and everything else. So he might not see her. It might just be a really long day full of coffee from lack of sleep. Huge lack of sleep. Today would be one of those days he found himself wondering if he was insane doing this job while raising a daughter. Everyone had warned him about it. Everyone had warned him that being the top surgeon in the country while raising a kid was next to impossible, that he would be run into the ground. His mother talked to him at least twice a week about it, but he loved it. There was nothing more he loved than cutting during the day and then coming home to his bouncy daughter. He was done with his shower. It was a fast one, he had grown accustomed to really fast showers in the last five years. When you had a small girl in the home it was impossible to do anything but shampoo and soap quickly. He got dressed just as quick as he ran down the stairs, seeing Hannah on the couch, reading a book. "Well don't you look pretty." "I always pretty, Daddy," she giggled as she looked at the book, which was upside down. "Of course," he rolled his eyes. "Is the book interesting?" "Very," she nodded, turning the page. "It s'about brains and pines." "Brains and pines?" "Yep." "That's pretty cool." "Coolest book ever," she smiled, putting it aside. "Where's Uncle Monkey?" "Is he not here?" Derek frowned. "Nope," Hannah reported. "I went to his room and he wasn't anywhere, Daddy. And that's not good. That's really, really bad. Cause you can't fixed my hair like Uncle Monkey." "I can manage," Derek laughed. "And I'm sure he'll get home soon. He probably slept over at a friend's house." "Again?" "Yes again. You know Uncle Monkey has a lot of friends." "Lots and lots of friends." "Tons of friends." "But he's gotta be home now, Daddy. Who's gonna do my pig ears? Or maybe doggy tails today. I can't 'cide, Daddy." "I'll do them if he doesn't get home." "But you can't." "I can." "Nuh uh." "Huh uh." "Nuh uh." "Huh uh. I'm your daddy." "I know, Daddy," she giggled, climbing off the couch and latching herself onto his leg. "But Uncle Monkey does doggy tails better." "Well Uncle Monkey is a monkey." "No he's not," Hannah laughed. "He's a person, Daddy." "So you think," "Nanners is monkey, Daddy," she stated, holding up her ballerina monkey. "Not Uncle Monkey." "Really?" "Yeah." "You're so smart." "The smartest, right?" "The very smartest," he nodded. "Let's go to the kitchen to figure out what you want for lunch." "Pea butter." "Can do. With jam? Or bananas?" "Um...I dunno," she sighed, giggling as he moved towards the kitchen, her arms still around his leg. "Well...you have to pick." "Banan today." "Can do that," he nodded. "Can I have pudding too, Daddy?" she asked as he picked her up and put her at the kitchen table. "Okay," he nodded. "But that means no cookies." "That's okay," she shrugged. "Nana give me cookies." "Oh really?" "Yep," she nodded quickly, reaching across the table for a pen. "Nana give me cookies when you gotta be doctor 'stead of daddy for long time." "Those aren't fun times but at least you get cookies." "Lots of cookies," Hannah grinned just as the front door opened and closed. "Uncle Monkey!" "Hannah Banana!" Mark greeted, smiling widely. "I misseded you!" she climbed off the chair, throwing herself against his legs. "I missed you too," he laughed. "And I brought donuts." "Donuts!" she giggled, clapping her hands. "Mark," Derek groaned. "Donuts? Seriously?" "Better than the stuff you're trying to poison her with," Mark grinned as he put the box of donuts down on the counter, grabbing a plate for Hannah. "Of course it is," Derek rolled his eyes. "Hannah, remember...donuts are a special treat." "I know, Daddy," she giggled, trying to wink at Mark. "Chocolate, Uncle Monkey." "Nothing else for my favourite girl," Mark laughed, placing a chocolate donut on the plate and handing it to her. "Tank you," she nodded, turning back to the table. "Milk please." "Milk," Derek nodded, handing her a glass he had already poured. "Tanks, Daddy," she grinned, picking up the donut carefully. "Welcome, honey," Derek smiled. "So who was the hot chick you were all over at the crappy mixer?" Mark asked as he leaned against the counter, eating a donut. "That was Meredith Grey," Derek sighed. "I wasn't all over her. We were talking. She's an intern." "Sh---shoot," Mark groaned, looking over at Hannah. "They're starting today, aren't they?" "They are." "I do have some dry cleaning that needs to be picked up." "Mark, that's not what the interns are for." "That's all they're good for." "No it's not," Derek sighed. "They're trying to learn something." "So they can learn their way around Seattle. And my cell phone." "Wonderful," Derek rolled his eyes. "So you were hitting on an intern? She was hot." "She was," Derek agreed. "And it wasn't hitting on her. It was...talking." "Hitting on, Shep." "You don't even know what I said to her." "I saw how you were looking at her," Mark shrugged. "Like you wanted her in your bed." "Small ears," Derek frowned. "And I was...beside the point. Doesn't mean I was hitting on her." "Daddy, don't hit," Hannah ordered as she held up her sticky, chocolatey fingers. "More, please." "No more," Derek shook his head. "One donut is enough sugar for the morning." "Please, Daddy?" "Hannah." "Oh, come on, Daddy," Mark smirked as he reached into the box for another chocolate donut. "Fine," Derek sighed, watching Hannah pout. "But if you don't behave at day care you don't get dessert tonight." "I always 'have." "Sure," Derek laughed. "What do you want to drink for lunch?" "Fruit punch." "Okay," Derek nodded, grabbing a juice box out of the fridge. "Uncle Monkey, you gotta do my doggy tails," Hannah said as she bit into another donut. "Of course I do," Mark grinned. "Or pig ears. I can't 'cide," she sighed sadly. "Pig ears would be very cute," Mark nodded. "Or I could braid it." "I like braids," Hannah nodded. "Well which one do you want?" "I don't know," she shook her head. "Daddy? Which one?" "I think pig ears today," Derek nodded. "Me too," Hannah nodded seriously. "Pig ears, Uncle Monkey." "Pig ears it is," Mark nodded. "Where's your brush?" "Upstairs." "Can you go get it, princess?" Mark asked. "I guess," she sighed dramatically, holding up her hands. "Messy hands." "Of course," Derek sighed. "Come clean up." "Clean, clean up!" Hannah exclaimed as she ran to the sink, giggling as Derek lifted her up and turned on the sink, watching carefully as she washed her hands. "Good job, Han," Derek grinned. "Tanks," she nodded, holding up her hands for inspection. "Perfect," Derek nodded. "Good," she nodded as he put her down and she ran upstairs after grabbing her monkey off the table. "If she's hyper at day care I'm tell Lynn it's your fault," Derek sighed. "Lynn loves me," Mark smirked. "Or at least she does after last night." "Lynn? Seriously?" "She's hot, man." "She runs the day care. Where my daughter spends her days." "And?" "And...it's wrong. Oh...and you need to move out." "Yeah, yeah, I'm looking at apartments Thursday." "Of course you are," Derek sighed. "I don't know how much longer my daughter is going to believe you have a lot of friends you like having sleep overs with." "I do have a lot of friends," Mark smirked. "A lot of sexy friends." "Which Hannah does not need to hear about. You know once she figures out what you really do it's going to be bad." "She's five, Shep. She's not going to figure it out any time soon." "And when she does?" "How's she gonna figure it out? It's not a lie. I do have sleepovers. I do have a lot of friends." "They're not friends, Mark." "Fuck buddy, friend, same difference." "You're an idiot." "You can't call your daughter's godfather an idiot," Mark rolled his eyes. "Hannah banana, where's the brush? I've got a rhinoplasty in an hour and a half!" "What's a rhinopasty?" Hannah asked, bounding down the stairs. "I fix people's noses," Mark grinned. "When they look like your daddy's." "Daddy's nose is funny," Hannah nodded. "Yeah I know," Mark sighed. "I want to fix it but he won't let me." "I like my nose," Derek laughed. "It's funny, Daddy," Hannah giggled as she handed Mark the brush. "You like it," Derek smirked. "Thank god you didn't get your daddy's nose, Hannah banana," Mark sighed as he ran through the brush through her dark curls. "I'd let you fix it, Uncle Monkey," Hannah giggled. "And that's why you're my favorite niece," he laughed, tickling her. "I know," she laughed. "Sit still," Mark said, taking his hands away as he brushed her hair. "So, Shep, you gonna get with your dirty intern?" "I don't know," Derek sighed. "She kind of freaked when I told her who I was." "She probably wasn't expecting you'd be that ugly." "No, it was more of a oh crap I was flirting with my boss freaking out." "Crap," Hannah giggled. "Hannah, don't use that word," Derek said quickly. "But you did, Daddy." "Yes...and I shouldn't have" Derek sighed. "Say sorry, Daddy." "Sorry...and no repeating it." "I won't," she nodded. "Promise." "Good," Derek grinned. "Give her some special treatment," Mark grinned widely. "She'll do you after you give her a kick a...butt surgery." "I'm not giving her special treatment so...she'll be my friend." "You need a friend, Shep." "Maybe but I'm not manipulating her into it." "You make it sound so dirty," Mark chuckled and then kissed the top of Hannah's head. "All done, princess." "Tank you," Hannah nodded. "You're welcome," Mark grinned. "I have to go to work. What do I have to do, princess?" "A rhinopasty." "That's right," he nodded, kissing her cheek. "I'll come eat lunch with you, okay?" "Okay," she nodded. "Did Daddy make you pea butter and banas too?" "Nope," Mark shook his head sadly. "Your daddy won't make me food. But I'll bring a salad." "Okay," she nodded. "I'll share my pudding with you." "Thanks, Hannah," he grinned, kissing her head again before turning to Derek. "I'll see you later, Shep. And remember, these interns will do anything for surgery. And I do mean anything." He grinned lewdly before turning and walking out of the kitchen. "Are you ready to go, Hannah?" Derek asked. "Yep," she nodded as she took her purple ballerina lunch box from him. "Are you gonna be a doctor stead of a daddy for a long time, Daddy?" "Not for a long time," Derek shook his head. "I'm done at seven." "How many is that?" "That's twelve hours." "Wow," Hannah sighed as he helped her with her jacket. "Do you gotta do rhinopasty too?' "Nope, I fix brains, remember?" "So a brainpasty?" "Not brainpasty," Derek laughed. "I do...really big things like hemispherectomies." "Hemis...hemistomies." "Close enough," he grinned. "And no parties today?" she asked, following him out to the car. "No parties," he shook his head. "We can have some time before you go to bed tonight." "Good," she grinned widely. "Does Uncle Monkey have a sleepover?" "I don't know," Derek sighed. "How come I can't go to Uncle Monkey's sleepovers, Daddy?" "Because they're just for him and his friends." "Oh, okay," she nodded as he buckled her seatbelt. "Can we have special Hannah and Daddy time after you do hemistomies?" "We definitely can," Derek smiled. "What do you want to do?" "Fishing." "It will be too late to go fishing, hun." "Oh," she sighed. "Card fishing, Daddy!" "We can go card fishing," Derek laughed. "And I have Saturday off. That's two days from now. We can go fishing then." "Just you and me, Daddy?" "Just me and you." "Yay!" she clapped her hands excitedly before lowering her voice to talk quietly to her stuffed ballerina monkey. "Very yay," Derek laughed. "Daddy's the bestest daddy ever, Nanners," Hannah grinned to her monkey. "I am?" Derek breathed. "Course, Daddy. I don't get no other daddies." "I know you don't," he sighed. "You're the bestest daughter ever." "You don't got no other daughters, Daddy," she giggled. "Still, you're the bestest." "I know, Daddy." "Of course you do," Derek laughed. "Love you, Daddy," she smiled widely, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror. "Love you too, Hannah Banana," Derek smiled. "Love you mostest." "Love you infinity." "Love you lots finity." "Well I don't think I can top that." "I wins!" Hannah clapped her hands as Derek's pager went off. "Oh, oh, Daddy." "Oh oh is right," he frowned. "You have to move quickly when we get there, okay?" "Gotta find Lynn real fast," she nodded. "Exactly," Derek nodded. "And we won't have a lot of time to say goodbye but I'll come see you when I get the chance." "Kay," she sighed. "Bye bye, Daddy." "We're not there yet, goof," Derek laughed. "I know, I'm say it now cause I gotta find Lynn real fast." "You can say it when we find Lynn," he sighed. "Kay, Daddy." "Good," he nodded, as he pulled into the hospital. "Now we're here." "Now I gotta find Lynn real fast." "We have to find Lynn real fast." He unbuckled her quickly and grabbed her backpack as well as her lunchbox before carrying her into the hospital and to the daycare. "Lynn!" she exclaimed the second they walked in. "Hey Hannah! Hey Dr. Shepherd!" Lynn greeted warmly. "Hi, Lynn!" Hannah grinned and then kissed Derek on the cheek. "Bye bye, Daddy. Love mostest and lots of finity." "Love you too," Derek laughed, turning to Lynn. "Emergency so I have to run. Page me or Mark if she needs anything." "No problem, Dr. Shepherd," Lynn grinned. "Come on, Hannah. I have the play doh already set up." "Cool," Hannah smiled. "Bye, Dr. Shepherd," Lynn nodded to Derek as she led Hannah to the playdoh table. Derek watched for a second before quickly turning around to head toward his office. He hated leaving in a rush. He hated leaving period. But during the summer months it was the only way this could work. And Hannah loved day care so it was okay. It was fine. He had an emergency to take care of. And interns to meet, interns with enchanting eyes and a magical giggle. I'm wild again, beguiled again A simpering, whimpering child again Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I Disclaimer: Today is Grey's Day! If we owned Grey's every day would be Grey's day. Well maybe not for you because it would be hard to make that many episodes...but for us every day would be Grey's Day. Meredith tried to stifle a yawn. Yawning in the middle of the Nazi's lecture would probably be very very bad and may leave her on scut for the rest of her internshp. So no yawning. It wasn't her fault she hadn't slept much the night before. It was that stupid dreamy neurosurgeon who she had hit on. She had hit on her entirely sexy boss. That's why she didn't sleep. And now she was tired and trying not to yawn. She had a feeling yawning was not allowed. Definitely not allowed. She couldn't yawn now and she couldn't yawn forty-seven hours from now. She hid her yawn behind her hand and watched as the Nazi walked in front of them, handing out rules like there was no tomorrow. She had thought the Nazi would be...Nazi-like. Instead, it was this short squat woman who, at first glance, looked really nice. Except for she had a very long list of rules, or well five which wasn't that long but somehow she made them sound a lot longer. And something about how she spoke of the rules gave Meredith the feeling that if she dared to break one it would be her last act. The quiet guy from the mixer and the Barbie look alike were looking terrified just listening to it all. Which might be better than exhausted. She was pissed that she was this tired. She shouldn't be. Hung over, fine. The tequila hadn't been the best idea. But not exhausted. Not having spent most of the night tossing and turning in bed, wondering if she was going to see him again. Because she wanted to see him again. She definitely wanted to see him again. And then it would hit her that she was thinking about her boss and she would start to wonder if he thought she was entirely and completely insane. Which would of course lead to her deciding that she certainly had to think about something else so she'd try to think about today. The big life changing day she had been working toward for years. Which would of course cycle back to him and by the time six came around she was pretty sure she had maybe stolen two hours of sleep. Which was incredibly bad as she had so many more hours to go. So she was definitely screwed. Completely and totally screwed. Susan had called her and tried to tell her that everything was going to be fine, and she really had no idea how to tell her that nothing was going to be fine because she had hit on her boss. Which still blew her mind. She had hit on her boss. This was not how internship was supposed to start. She was not supposed to start it off completely screwed. "Grey, you're with Shepherd," Bailey's voice suddenly caught her attention. "You'll know him from his overly moused hair and the stupid ass smile he's sporting today." "Sh---shepherd?" Meredith stammered. She was with sexy guy with amazing eyes? Her boss. He was her boss. God hated her. Really hated her. "That's what I said, isn't it?" "Um...yes, Dr. Bailey," Meredith nodded. "Is he...where do I find him?" "He should be headed to Room 4699 but you never know with that man. Have Debbie page him if you can't find him." "Right, 4699," Meredith nodded, writing it down on her pad. "Dr. Shepherd." "Why are you still standing here?" "Sorry, Dr. Bailey," they all said and went off in separate directions, Meredith heading towards room 4699. Not good. This was not good. She had been hoping to avoid him for a little bit. Well, actually, she had been hoping to see him too. She had been hoping to avoid him and see him which actually didn't make any sense so she'd go with hoping to avoid him. And now she had to see him. See him a lot. Probably be stuck seeing him until his shift, which was probably a lot shorter than 48 hours was done and he went home. She wouldn't have to only see him but she would have to talk to him and if last night was any indication he didn't seem so good with getting the whole boss and intern relationship. Or lack there of. Maybe he had been drinking. Maybe he wouldn't flirt now. He probably wouldn't. Because there were lives to save and doctoring to do and surgeries to perform. Well, watch in her case. So he probably wouldn't flirt. There was no way he'd flirt. And she wouldn't flirt. And she definitely wouldn't think about sleeping with him. Because that was bad. "Dr. Shepherd?" she asked, walking into the room. "Yes," he nodded, turning around, a smile immediately appearing on his face. "Dr. Grey." "Yeah," she sighed. "I'm um...Dr. Bailey said I was with you today. So...I'm here. With you." "You are," he nodded, the smirk from the night before returning. The smirk was hot. Really, really hot. But this couldn't happen this way. She couldn't notice this. He was her boss. So no noticing allowed. "Um...is there...what case...?" "Katie Bryce. She's having seizures and there's no visible cause. All her tests and scans have come back clean and she's not responding to meds." "Oh," Meredith nodded. "What can I help you with?" "At the moment...figuring out what the hell it is would be great help," he sighed. "Seriously?" Meredith grinned, moving towards him to look at Katie's charts in his hands. "Medical history?" "Nothing suspicious," Derek shrugged. "Any falls or...aneurysm?" "No falls mentioned in her history," he sighed. "And the scans are clean." "Okay," she sighed. "I'll um...I'll see what I can do." "If you figure this out...it would be kind of amazing," he smiled. "I'll try, Dr. Shepherd," she nodded, trying not to meet his eyes. Because when she looked in his eyes, her mind went to bad places and...not good. She definitely couldn't look in his eyes. "Anything else?" "When did you manage to escape last night?" "What?" "The mixer...when did you escape?" "Oh, um..." Meredith bit her lip. "Not long after...maybe thirty minutes after you left." "I'm impressed," he nodded. "Get to the bar?" "Uh...yes," she nodded. This was...why he was even asking? It probably wasn't helping. He probably thought she was a drunken slut trying to sleep with her boss. Definitely not good. "Sorry I missed out on that part of the night," he sighed, smiling at her with that damn twinkle in his eyes. "Dr. Shepherd," she sighed, moving to leave the room. "Last night it was Derek," he laughed. "Well no...but it was supposed to be." "Dr. Shepherd," she shook her head. "We should...last night was...whatever it was didn't happen. Because I didn't know...and I'm your intern. And you're an attending." "Yes," he nodded. "Which means you can't...you're Dr. Shepherd. And I'm Dr. Grey." "Okay, Dr. Grey," he nodded, his tiny smile playing around his lips again. "Stop looking at me like that," she hissed. "Like what?" "Like...like you want to see me naked," she cringed, looking around the hallway quickly. Maybe she was reading this wrong. She was probably reading this wrong and he was going to tell Bailey that she was inappropriate and a terrible intern. Crap. She was so screwed. "I definitely haven't seen you naked," he sighed. "Which is...well I'm more of a take them out to dinner first kind of guy." "That's nice, but you're not taking me out to dinner. Ever." "I could take you out to dinner." "No you couldn't." "Why couldn't I take you out to dinner?" he asked, frowning slightly. "We've been through this," she groaned. "Intern. Attending." "We could still go out for dinner...an attending trying to get to know his interns." "Oh, is that a common practice?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Do you take all the interns out for dinner every year, Dr. Shepherd?" "No," he laughed. "Then we're definitely not going out for dinner." "Even if we solve this case? Because if we solve this case I definitely think it calls for a celebratory dinner." "Dr. Shepherd!" Meredith gasped. This guy was...he was completely inappropriate and persistant and bad. This was bad. Even if she wanted to say yes. It was bad. "This is inappropriate. Did that ever occur to you?"



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 11:57 AM Post #2
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Fine," he sighed dramatically, still smirking at her. "Fine," she nodded. "Now I'm going to...figure out this case. And then...and then I'm going to do other intern-y stuff. Whatever interns do. Run labs and...stuff. And we are not going to go out to dinner. Ever." "You say that now," he nodded. "I say that always," she sighed. "Is there anything work-related I can do for you, Dr. Shepherd?" "Take Katie for an MRI. I want another one to make sure we didn't miss anything on the first," he sighed. "MRI," Meredith nodded. "I can do that." "It's what interns do...for attendings." "And that's all interns do for attendings," she said firmly, turning to go back into the patient's room. "Page me when you're done with that, Dr. Grey," he called after her, still laughing softly. He was impossible. Derek Shepherd was impossible. Hot. Incredibly sexy. But impossible. He was definitely flirting. Definitely asking her out to dinner. Which was...that was bad. That had to be bad. She was an intern. He was an attending. Her teacher. And her teacher's teacher. She definitely couldn't go out to dinner with him. No matter how much she wanted to. He would give up eventually. He had. He was...persistant but eventually he'd figure out the fact she was his intern and that it couldn't happen and give up. Because it couldn't happen. In another time and place it could and it would be hot and long and probably would happen numerous times but he was her boss. So she couldn't want to go out for dinner with him. She didn't do dinner. Dinner was generally bad. It was almost worse than mixers. Small talk was involved a lot in dinner, unless of course, he was talking about the other kind of dinner. The kind of dinner she liked that happened a lot and involved bedrooms and beds and...the point was, she didn't do dinner. Not the kind of dinner he was talking about. So he would give up. And she would just be his intern, his intern that solved this case. Because he was flirting and she wasn't exactly sure he took her seriously. He probably just thought she'd be nothing more than an easy lay or something and she needed to do something to make him stop flirting. She figured solving his case before he did would do that. Put the man in his spot or something. She listened to her patient go on and on about beauty pageants and rhythmic gymnastics and falling and hurting her ankle or something and seriously considered telling Dr. Shepherd it didn't matter if this girl died, she was a waste of time and space. But that was probably bad. Really, really bad. And that definitely wouldn't make him take her seriously at all. Though he might smirk again. The smirk was nice. She wasn't going to think about the smirk though. Because the smirk made her want to do things to him, with him, all kinds of amazingly great dirty thing that one definitely didn't do with ones boss. So thinking of the entirely sexy smirk was out of the question. She'd think of...something that had nothing to do with him because somehow he managed to make everything entirely sexy. So definitely no thinking about his sexy smirk or his amazing eyes or...she had to stop thinking about him. Right now. No more thinking. Time to be an intern. She was an intern and she had to get her patient an MRI. Because her patient was dying and dying was bad. So she had to definitely stop thinking about Derek and start thinking about impressing Dr. Shepherd. "Grey, right?" a voice beside her suddenly cut into her thoughts. "Yeah," Meredith nodded, turning to look at the Asian woman next to her. "Yang?" "Yeah," the other intern nodded. "Did you get something good? I'll kill if you got something good." "If you want to call a seizing beauty pageant girl good," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Better than doing Sloan's chores," Yang groaned.. "Sloan?" Meredith asked, watching the computer as an image showed on the screen. "Plastics god. Also known as a complete ass." "He has you on scut?" "He has me fetching his dry cleaning." "Seriously?" Meredith groaned. "Ass." "You're with Shepherd, right?" "Yeah," Meredith groaned. "What's with the groan? I'd kill to work with him. At least you're doing something." "He's just...it's nothing," Meredith shook her head. "So I've got this girl. And she's annoying as hell and I'm supposed to figure out why she's seizing. And if I don't, she dies." "What's showing up in her scans?" "Absolutely nothing," Meredith sighed. "That's the weird thing. And nothing in her medical history. At all." "So she's screwed." "Basically. Get this...she competes in beauty pageants. Guess what her talent is." "They have a talent?" "Rhythmic gymnastics," Meredith giggled. "What is that? I can't even say it." "Isn't it something with a ball?" Cristina laughed. "I have..." Meredith paused. "Holy crap." "What?" "I just...I think...I have to find Dr. Shepherd," Meredith sighed, standing up quickly. She had it figured out. Maybe. She hoped she did anyway. Because if they could fix Katie Bryce then she wouldn't have to sit and listen to her talk about beauty pageants and crap. And Dr. Shepherd would take her seriously and stop flirting and stop asking her to dinner. Which would be good. I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels To be trotting along at the genius's heels Disclaimer: Tonight may very well prove we do own Grey's Anatomy. As Meredith and Derek apparently stayed up all night doing the horizontal mamba...and well you now we love making them do that. Of course we'd show it. Which probably proves we don't own the show. Derek sighed as he scrubbed out, moving his neck from side to side to work out any kinks as he looked up at the clock. Twenty to seven and his day wasn't done yet. It had been a long day, a long surgery, and he had hardly had any time to stop and breathe, much less go visit his five year old daughter in daycare. But he loved this. He loved the long surgeries, he loved being able to save a life. He loved driving his new intern entirely insane. Because Meredith Grey made insane look almost too adorable for words. And he was definitely getting to her. He knew it was wrong, he knew she was his intern. His entirely amazing intern that had solved a case that had left him stumped on her first day. Which was impressive, completely impressive. Tied in with the giggle and she was quite the package. He hadn't expected her to actually solve the case. He never knew what to expect from interns on their first days; they were usually too nervous and too confused to do much of anything. But Meredith Grey...she had walked up to him and solved a case, completely solved it and then had stood beside him in surgery. He hadn't been expecting that. She was cute, she was hot, but he hadn't been expecting the rest of the package that was most certainly his new intern. He had told her last night that she was going to kick ass, because he remembered the night before his first day as an intern and he had most definitely needed someone to tell him that. But he hadn't believed it at all. Of course at the time he had had no clue that she was going to be his intern for the day. Not that he was complaining. There was nothing to complain about with Meredith following him around all day. She had a flowery smell about her, and she rambled when he flirted with her, which he found entirely adorable. Every instinct told him to stop, that it wasn't appropriate, but with Meredith Grey, he just didn't care. Flirting came entirely naturally. And now so did the respect. He walked out of the scrub room with the chart in his hand, grabbing a pen as he took off his surgical cap. "That was amazing," he suddenly heard. He looked up to find Meredith sitting in a chair near the desk, her eyes shining. He knew that look all to well. She was definitely on a surgery high, and looked amazing. A small smile played across her lips as she stared at him intently, obviously waiting for some kind of reply. "Hmm..." he finally nodded. "You practice on cadavers, you observe, and you think you know what you're going to feel like standing over that table, but...that was such a high," she grinned, looking him in the eye. "I don't know why anybody ever does drugs." "Yeah," Derek breathed, nodding his head slightly as he gazed at her. Not flirting was definitely out of the question at this point. She was...something else. "Yeah," she nodded, looking down and smiling. "Yeah." "I should..." he murmured, still watching her carefully. "Want to come with me to tell the parents?" "Seriously?" she looked up, smiling widely. "Seriously," he nodded. "You're the one that figured it out, you deserve it." "Okay," she smiled, standing up from her chair. "She'll be okay, right?" "Barring any complications she'll be fine," Derek nodded. "Wow," she breathed, falling into step next to him. "Wow?" he asked. "Just...that's it," she sighed. "It's amazing and...wow." "It is pretty amazing," he nodded. "And that never really goes away." "It doesn't?" "It lessens but...no, it doesn't go away." "So right now," she said as they walked next to each other, "right now you feel...I mean, you feel like it was amazing and just...wow?" "Yeah," he nodded. "More so than usual actually since you were there." "Why?" "It's nice sharing someone's first time," he shrugged. "That sounds vaguely dirty," she giggled and then frowned. "Not that...I mean, I'm not saying, crap." "It definitely sounded vaguely dirty," he laughed. "I could share a few other things with you if you want." "Dr. Shepherd!" "That was a completely innocent comment." "Oh really?" she asked, an eyebrow up. "What completely innocent things would you share with me?" "That dinner we discussed earlier. Drinks. Anything you want." "Dinner. Drinks. Not innocent. Not when you're an attending and I'm an intern. Definitely not innocent." "Attendings are allowed to talk to interns socially." "Talk. Not take out." "It would be fun." "It's entirely inappropriate, Dr. Shepherd." "But it's fun," he shrugged, smirking at her. "Okay, seriously?" she turned to him, her hands on her hips. "Seriously? It's fun? That's great for you. Really great. But I can't be having fun with an attending. I'm probably not even supposed to be having fun at all. But definitely, definitely not with an attending. It's wrong and bad and against the rules and..." She looked around at the people watching them before grabbing his arm and leading him to an on call room. "You have to stop, Dr. Shepherd." "I...I definitely know it's wrong," he nodded. "Just...I like you." "Seriously?" she groaned. "Seriously. I have done everything for you to take me seriously and you're flirting and giving me the look and the eyes and the smirk, god the smirk and you can't...you're my boss. And my teacher. And my teacher's teacher. And you just keep flirting. And smirking and eyes…" "You like the smirking and the eyes?" he grinned. "What?" she asked and then shook her head. "Yes. No. No I don't like the smirking and the eyes. Or the perfect hair. I don't and I can't. So even if I did, which I don't, I can't. And you can't. So...no." "No?" he smirked. "No." "Hmmm..." he nodded slowly. "And for the record...even with all the flirting and the smirking…I take you seriously. I didn't expect you to actually solve this case and you did. I respect you as a surgeon." "You...oh," she bit her lip. "And I'm not going to stop flirting. I like the flirting." "It's wrong." "It is." "Which means you should probably stop." "Probably." "So...stop." "Don't want to." "I'm not going to flirt back," she said firmly, taking a step towards him. "That's fine," he nodded. "The annoyed thing works for me. Your nose scrunches up in the cutest way." "You're...this is harassment. I'm pretty sure this is harassment." "Are you actually going to report me?" "I might," she breathed as he took the smallest of steps towards her. "Really?" "May...no," she sighed. "So you don't really want me to stop?" "I...no. Yes. No. Yes, definitely stop," she nodded. "That sounded incredibly indecisive," he murmured, stepping toward her again. "Der...Dr. Shepherd," she breathed. "Meredith." "You...parents." "We should do that," he nodded. "Definitely do that," she nodded, turning to open the door. "We'll finish this conversation later, Meredith," he smiled. "Dr. Grey," she groaned. "Fine," he sighed. "We'll finish this conversation later, Dr. Grey." "Thank you, and no we won't," she said, walking out of the on call room. "There is no conversation to finish, Dr. Shepherd. It's done." "We'll see about that," he smirked as he followed close behind her. "Dr. Shepherd," she rolled her eyes. "Dr. Grey." "Didn't you say you had somewhere to be by seven?" she asked as they walked towards the parents. "I did," he nodded, looking at his watch. "Which means we have to make this really fast." "Well I think you can do it by yourself," she nodded. "You're a big boy and I'm assuming you've talked to parents before by yourself." "You're annoyed with me." "You're my boss, I don't get to be annoyed with you." "But you are." "Parents, Dr. Shepherd," she reminded him as she turned to go into the washroom. "If I were them, I wouldn't want to sit around waiting for news for my daughter while the surgeon flirts with his intern. Completely inappropriately. And wrongly. If that's even a word. I'm not even sure it is." "I don't think it is," he laughed gently. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dr. Grey. Was that professional enough for you?" "Yes," she nodded. "Good bye, Dr. Shepherd." She turned and went into the washroom, leaving him standing alone in the hallway. He should probably listen to her and stop. Stopping was definitely on the smarter side of the scale. But he liked flirting with her, he liked watching the mix of annoyance and pleasure that flashed in her eyes. And he definitely liked the rambling thing she did when he flustered her. And the nose scrunch. He should definitely stop but he was having a hell of a lot of fun. He ran his hands through his hair as he grinned widely at the fun he was having. She didn't really want him to stop, that much was obvious. She was entirely caught up in the intern and attending thing, but she wanted him. He hadn't had a ton of sex in the past five years, but he could tell when a woman wanted him. And Meredith Grey definitely wanted him. And he wanted her, in a way that made him wonder if quite possibly he had been spending too much time with Mark. Of course Mark would never go after someone that tried to fight it. And Meredith was definitely fighting it. But he'd get past that. The flash of pleasure in her eyes and the way she giggled with him made that much clear. So he could definitely work around the walls. For now though, he had to talk to parents and then go pick up Hannah from daycare for Hannah and Daddy night. And possibly Mark involved in there if he didn't have a "sleepover" to get to. Derek rolled his eyes at the thought and then moved towards Katie Bryce's parents, a smile permanently on his face as his thoughts drifted back towards Meredith Grey. If only you'd run to me If only you'd come to me If only you'd relax upon your rules And dare to be love's fool Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is on very very soon. If we owned it we probably wouldn't be watching it very soon as we'd be busy making it. Or well...hanging with Paddy. As that would be even more fun. Meredith stared at the door in front of her, wondering if she had the energy to life her hand to actually knock. She was entirely grateful that Lexie lived closer to the hospital. Lexie was smart. She was a genius for renting an apartment this close. Because she was pretty sure she couldn't have managed to drive the entire way home without crashing. 48 hours shifts were stupid. And she had to be back in eight hours. That was the stupidest part. Work forty eight hours and then be back in eight. It was...torture. The hospital was torturing her. Of course, coming to Lexie's place meant Lexie talking, but she'd deal. Not to mention, Lexie had food. Her house did not. She really needed to get on that grocery shopping thing. She leaned against the door and knocked slowly. "Meredith?" Lexie frowned as she opened the door. "You look...tired. You look really tired.: "Forty eight hour shifts suck," Meredith groaned as she moved into her half-sister's apartment. "I can imagine," Lexie laughed. "Do you need something to eat? Drink? Just sleep?" "Eat sounds good. Tequila sounds good too but I'm pretty sure if I drank I would never, ever be able to go back to the hospital again and since I have to be back in eight hours...yeah...food and sleep." "Sit down on the couch and I'll get you something," Lexie nodded firmly before disappearing into the kitchen. "This is why I like you," Meredith sighed as she fell onto the couch. "I know," Lexie called back as Meredith listened to some banging around in the kitchen before Lexie came back in carrying a sandwhich and a glass of juice. "Here." "Thanks," Meredith grinned, taking the sandwich and biting into it. "So how was it?" Lexie asked, sitting down, a huge grin on her face. "Was it entirely amazing?" "Seriously, Lexie?" Meredith groaned. "It was...hell. Complete hell. They're torturing us. Forty eight hours with labs and beauty pageant queens and stupid, stupid neurosurgeons with amazing eyes and perfect air and smirking and flirting and awesome surgeries." "Slow down...amazing eyes? Perfect hair? Flirting?" "Yes," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Stupid Derek Shepherd. With his...god he's a pain in the ass and he flirts and I'm pretty sure it's sexual harassment." "Are you going to report it?" Lexie frowned. "Well..no," Meredith shook her head. "It's not actual sexual harassment. Not really anyway. It's just...he's not touching me or anything. We almost...but no. It's just...words. And he's...he smirks and it's amazing and he's amazing and then there was the amazing surgery and he was...anyway, no, I'm not going to report it." "You like him," Lexie giggled. "What?" Meredith frowned. "No. I...I mean, not really. I did like him when I thought he was an incredibly fuckable intern instead of my extremely fuckable boss. But now he's my boss. And my teacher. And it's...wrong. Completely wrong. So no. I don't like him." "What's he like?" "He's...flirty. And kind of cocky. And amazing blue eyes, really amazing and they do this thing when he smiles like they twinkle or whatever. And he has perfect hair that just looks...he's my boss, Lexie." "Is it actually against the rules?" "Well...kind of. Not really. Just...it could kill my career." "But...how?" "How what?" Meredith frowned. "How would it kill your career?" Lexie asked. "I mean...it's not like you'd be doing it when you should be working. It's your personal life and if you like him and he likes you...this is good, Mer." "Okay, Lexie, pay attention," Meredith sighed. "Derek Shepherd. Boss. Me. Intern. Special favors and all that...not good. Definitely not good." "What if he didn't give you special favors?" "No one would believe he wasn't." "Besides, you don't do the relationship thing. You do the one time thing. One time would work." "I don't think he's the one time thing kind of guy," Meredith groaned. "And even if he was...awkward." "Oh Mer...you really like him." "What? No. No I don't. He's my boss, Lexie. And my teacher. And my teacher's teacher. And my teacher. Definitely don't like him. Definitely, definitely. Even if he does have stupid perfect hair and stupid blue eyes and stupid smirking. Definitely don't like him." "You do," Lexie nodded. "I don't." "Mer...you never talk about guys, ever. I don't think you've ever told any of us about a guy. Unless you're complaining about the one that wouldn't leave the morning after when you were in college but well...you don't talk about guys. And now...whatever his name is...you're talking about him. And you're smiling." "I'm not smiling," Meredith blushed slightly, looking down. "You're smiling," Lexie grinned. "And now you're blushing. In all the years I've known you I don't think I've seen you blush once. Over anything. Espeically not a guy. You like him." "Not talking about this anymore," Meredith sighed, finishing off her sandwich. "Definitely not talking about Derek Shepherd. Because he's my boss. And we're not going to talk about my boss." "Fine. How were the surgeries?" "I scrubbed in on one." "Oh I need details," Lexie smiled. "I fully plan on living vicariously through you." "I figured," Meredith giggled, crossing her legs on the couch. "Beauty pageant girl. She was having seizures and Der---Dr. Shepherd couldn't figure out why. Turns out she had an aneurysm from falling during practice for her talent. Which, by the way, I figured it out. Not the neuro god. Me. So he let me scrub in and it was...amazing." "You scrubbed in?" "I scrubbed in. I didn't watch either. Well, I watched. I didn't cut, but I didn't just stand agaisnt the wall...I looked at the aneurysm. I was right there." "Wow," Lexie breathed. "She lived, right?" "She lived," Meredith nodded. "And barring any complications, she'll be fine. And it was...wow. Completely amazing." "And you figured it out. But...isn't Dr. Shepherd like the best or something?" "The best in the country," Meredith nodded. "He's the neuro god and he was stumped. I figured it out." "He was still flirting with you after that?" "I thought we weren't talking about the flirting anymore." "Sorry," Lexie nodded quickly. "Just...you kicked the best neuro guy in the country's butt." "Yeah," Meredith sighed. "He said he respected me as a surgeon or whatever." "When did he tell you that?" "After the surgery. After I kind of freaked out on him in an on call room." "You took him to an on call room?" "Not for sex or anything. Just...to yell at him about flirting." "Oh...you rambled didn't you?" "I...not...maybe," Meredith sighed. "He probably thinks you're insane," Lexie sighed. "You make my rambling look normal." "I do not," Meredith frowned. "And it wasn't really rambling so much as angry whatever. I was angry and I was yelling at him and I might have spoken in really short choppy sentences but it definitely wasn't rambling. Even though I may have mentioned his smirk and his eyes and...but it wasn't rambling. Definitely not rambling. It was...and then we almost kissed which was...whatever." "You nearly kissed him?" "Um...kind of. Sort of. I don't know. I took a step and then he took steps and we were close and then I said we had to go to tell the parents because we did and kissing would have been...bad." "Except for you definitely wanted to kiss him," Lexie smiled knowingly. "I did not want to kiss him," Meredith said firmly. "I just...I don't know. He was there and flirting and smirking and eyes and...I did not want to kiss him." "What are you going to do about him? You can't avoid him for the rest of your career, can you?" "I'm not going to avoid him," Meredith shook her head. "I'm just...not going to be alone with him. And not going to flirt." "What if he flirts?" "I...I don't know," Meredith bit her lip. "Because he definitely...he likes me or whatever. Something like that. He likes me and he likes flirting and he asked me if I wanted him to start and I...I don't know. So...he's going to flirt. But I won't flirt. No flirting." "Well you should at least enjoy it," Lexie sighed. "If I enjoy it, he'll think I want him to do it." "And you don't?" "Yes...no. No, I don't want him to do it." "You said yes first." "That was an accident." "No it wasn't. You like the flirting. If you didn't like the flirting you'd be calling him and ass and trying like hell to stay away from him, not dragging him into on call rooms." "Okay, I dragged him into the on call room to tell him to stop flirting and I figured yelling at my boss in front of the entire hospital was bad. Like, really bad. I didn't drag hiim in there to have sex or anything. Or kiss him. Just to yell at him. And he is an ass. He's all persistant and...ass-like. Or something. Either way, accident that I said yes. I want the flirting to stop." "No you don't." "You're annoying sometimes, you know that?" Meredith sighed, falling back onto the couch. "Because I'm right," Lexie laughed. "If you wanted him to stop you wouldn't be all flustered and Meredithy." "Meredithy?" "With the rambling and not making much sense and contradicting yourself." "Yeah...well..." Meredith groaned. "We're not talking about him anymore.' "Okay," Lexie nodded, still smiling. "Stop smiling." "I can smile if I want." "You're smiling like you know something. I hate that smile." "I don't know anything." "Good. Then stop smiling. And don't tell your mom." "My lips are sealed...for now." "For now?" "Well if this keeps progressing it will become too good not to tell." "It's not going to progress." "Of course not." "It's not," Meredith said firmly. "So no telling your mom. And definitely don't tell Molly. Because she will tell your mom." "I won't tell anyone," Lexie sighed. "Though I may stop by to see your sexy neurosurgeon." "Hands off, Lexie." "Possesive?" "No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "He's like...forty. And you're like...young. So hands off." "Relax Mer," Lexie laughed. "I'm just going to give him some dirt on you in exchange for him letting me watch some surgeries from the gallery." "Dirt...you don't have dirt on me." "I so have dirt on you." "Like what?" "I can't actually tell you that," Lexie pointed out. "But there's pictures too." "Okay...that party does not count as dirt," Meredith said firmly. "And you can't give my boss dirt. He's my boss. My boss, Lexie. No dirt." "I may have too," Lexie giggled. "Besides I'm your little sister. It's my job to give the guy that likes you dirt." "Not if the guy who likes me is my boss." "Details." "Big details. Really, really big details. And you're not giving dirt. I'll tell security at Grace not to let you in." "I'll sweet talk them." "That dopey, wide-eyed look doesn't work if they think you're a serial killer or something." "You'd tell them I was a serial killer? What if I actually had a medical emergency...you'd risk me dying." "There are other hospitals, Lexie." "Still..." Lexie shook her head. "That's just mean Mer." "I'm your big sister," Meredith shrugged. "I'm supposed to be mean." "True," Lexie sighed. "You should get some sleep." "Probably," Meredith groaned. "I'm crashing here." "Figured that...what time do you go back in at?" "I have seven hours." "I won't be needing the bed so you can use it," Lexie offered. "You're amazing," Meredith sighed, moving off the couch. "And I'll get you a key so you can use this place whenever you need to." "Thanks," Meredith sighed "I'm thinking about selling the house." "Really?" Lexie frowned. "Either that or getting room mates." "Do the roommate thing. That's an amazing house." "Yeah, I know," Meredith nodded, moving towards Lexie's bedroom. "It's just...people don't actually know about my mom. Well, you, Molly, and Susan. But no one else. And I'm not interested in fending off questions." "Just tell them she's traveling." "Might be a good idea. Yeah, probably room mates. I hate room mates." "You work so much it won't make a difference." "True. Do you have class?" "I have one in about an hour," Lexie sighed. "But I'll be back by the time you leave." "Good, wake me up in six and a half hours." "I will," Lexie nodded. "And I'll have coffee waiting." "Again...you're amazing," Meredith yawned, falling onto the bed. "I know," Lexie grinned. "Talk to you later, Mer." "Bye, Lexie," Meredith mumbled, her eyes falling shut, thankful that she was too tired to really analyze why in the world Derek Shepherd's smirk was the last thing to flash through her mind before falling asleep. I'd like to see you, but then again That doesnt mean, you mean that much to me Disclaimer: Derbear is being hurt on the show right now, so we clearly don't own it. We'd never hurt Derbear...well besides that killing his best friend thing, and then killing his mom, and that heart attack, and the nasty divorce. Correction...we'd never have Meredith hurt Derbear. We also don't own the book...it is owned by the genius that is Robert Munsch. Derek smiled as Hannah burrowed underneath her purple ballerina blankets, pulling them over her head and giggling as Derek pulled them down. "I'm hiding, Daddy," she laughed, moving around underneath the blankets. "And what are you hiding from?" he asked, laughing gently as he moved to sit down on his daughter's bed. "You," she grinned widely, tucking her monkey underneath her chin. "Me? Why would you be hiding from me?" "Cause you're making me go to bed." "Because it's bed time," he smiled. "We had enough play time today." "I know," she sighed dramatically. "But Uncle Monkey said five more minutes." "What did I tell you about listening to Uncle Monkey?" "That I shouldn't do it cause he's crazy," she recited, giggling. "Exactly." "So no more minutes?" "No more minutes," Derek shook his head. "But I'll read to you before sleep if you want." "Kay!" Hannah nodded, reaching for the book on her bedside table. "Love you forever, Daddy." "It's always Love you Forever," he laughed, taking the book as he shifted in her bed, letting her curl up beside him. "It's my favorite," she nodded as she rested her head on his chest. "I know," he breathed, kissing the top of her head. "Ready?" "Ready." "Okay," Derek nodded as he flipped the book open to the first page. "A father held his new baby and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and froth. And while he held her, he sang: I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be." "I wanna say it, Daddy," Hannah pouted, her hand going to turn the page. "Okay, you can say it next time," Derek grinned. "The baby grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was two years old, and she ran all around the house. She pulled all the books off the shelves. She pulled all the food out of the refigerator and she took her father's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes her father would say 'This kid is driving me crazy!' But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, he opened the door to her room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of her bed; and if she was really asleep he picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While he rocked her she he sang..." "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be," Hannah smiled, cuddling closer against Derek's chest. "The little girl grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was nine years old. And she never wanted to come in for dinner, she never wanted to take a bath, and when grandma visited she always said bad words. Sometimes her father wanted to sell her to the zoo. But at night time, when she was asleep, the father quietly opened the door to her room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If she was really asleep, he picked up that nine-year old girl and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he rocked her, he sang..." "I'll love you 'ever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my...my baby you'll be," Hannah yawned, her eyes starting to fall shut. "The girl grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was a teenager. She had strange friends and she wore strange clothes and she listened to strange music. Sometimes the father felt like he was in a zoo. But at night time, when the teenager was asleep, the father opened the door to her room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If she was really asleep he picked up that great big girl and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While he rocked her he sang..." "Love you ever," Hannah mumbled. "Long living, baby you'll be." Derek laughed gently as he turned the page again. "That teenager grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was a grown-up woman. She left home and got a house across town. But sometimes on dark night the father got into his car and drove across town. If all the lights in his daughter's house were out, he opened her bedroom window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of the bed. If that great big woman was really asleep he picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he rocked her, he sang..." "Love ever," Hannah whispered. Derek smiled and flipped a couple of pages ahead, hoping she was too out of it to notice the jump. "When the daughter came home that night, she stood for a long time at the top of the stairs. Then she went into the room her very new baby daughter was sleeping. She picked her up in her arms and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked her, she sang...I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." "Daddy," Hannah murmured, her eyes opening sleepily. "You skipped." "I did," he whispered. "Just a few pages. Go to sleep." "Not sleepy," she yawned, throwing her arm across his stomach as she buried her face in his sweater. "Definitely sleepy," he murmured. "Want me to stay here till you fall asleep?" "Yeah," she nodded. "I love you, Hannah Banana." "Love you too, Daddy." "Night," he whispered, kissing the top her head. "Night," she whispered, turning to lay on her stomach, her ballerina monkey clutched tightly in her hands. He sat for a few more minutes, running his fingers through her hair as her breath slowed and a tiny snore escaped. Tonight had been an easy night. Most nights were easy but the few hard ones made him grateful for any easy one. He slippped out of the bed, kissing her cheek gently and headed downstairs where Mark was sprawled on the couch. "She's out," Derek sighed. "Figured she would be," Mark nodded. "There's only so many times a kid can do crazy ballet shit without knocking herself out." "You do know my daughter, right?" Derek laughed, falling into a chair. "You have a point," Mark chuckled, muting the TV. "I blame Mom." "Really? I blame you most of the time." "Why the hell are you blaming me?" "You give her enough sugar to feed a small country." "She's a kid, Shep. Kids like sugar." "I know. But it also makes them hyper." "Yeah, yeah. Some thanks I get for dropping my life to help you raise the rugrat." "You can move out whenever you want." "I'm looking for apartments," Mark nodded. "You've been looking for apartments for the past four years." "Not my fault they're all shit." "How many have you actually looked at?" "In the past four years?" "Yes." "Dunno," Mark shrugged. "Market's been crap, man." "Sure," Derek sighed and then smiled. "Meredith nearly kissed me." "What?" Mark sat up quickly. "Meredith Grey nearly kissed me. If you said that to her she'd deny it till she was blue in the face but she definitely nearly kissed me." "Yeah I got that. Which one's Meredith? The hot OB nurse?" "No, the intern I was talking to at the mixer." "Oh," Mark nodded. "Speaking of hot OBs...did you check out the new one? Montgomery? She's got killer legs." "Can't say I got a chance," Derek shook his head. "She's from New York," Mark stated. "God those legs..." "I tell you I nearly got kissed and you'd rather talk about some OB's legs?" "You didn't see these legs, Shep." "Stop drooling." "Mark Sloan doesn't drool." "Sure you don't." "I'm definitely asking her for a drink," Mark grinned lewdly. "Great," Derek groaned. "Now can we talk about me for five seconds?" "Five seconds?" Mark asked, looking at his watch. "Go ahead, Shep." "Meredith nearly kissed me." "Hot intern, right?" "Yes, hot intern. We established this five minutes ago, Mark." "Sorry. Other things on my mind." "Somehow I'm not surprised." "So Grey almost kissed you." "She pulled me into an on call room to yell at me about my inappropriate behaviour and we were...definitely close to kissing." "And why wasn't there kissing? Or sex for that matter. On call rooms are for sex." "Because I'm an attending and she's an intern." "Not following." "Yeah neither am I," Derek sighed. "But that's what she keeps saying." "I thought it was basically a rite of passage," Mark shrugged. "Intern sleeps with an attending. Happens all the time." Want to tell her that?" Derek groaned. "I get her point, I do. It's probably not a good idea to get involved with me, I'm her boss. And the flirting is definitely entirely inappropriate but she's...I like flirting with her." "So flirt with her." "I am. And it leads to her being very annoyed. It's cute." "Cute, Shep?" Mark winced. "Hannah's cute. Interns you want to fuck are not supposed to be cute." "Well...I don't know if I just want to fuck her." "Woah, woah. You're interested?" "Yeah, I'm interested." "So it's more than just fucking her in an on call room as a rite of passage. You're thinking dates." "I'm thinking dates. She's pretty great." "Pretty great," Mark snorted. "Next you'll say she's swell." "Don't be an idiot." "Shep, I get you like her. But she's an intern. Which basically translates to idiot." "She solved my case for me today." "Okay, so she's not an idiot. You might be. But she's not." "The girl was having grand mal seizures. Her scans were clean, the meds weren't working...and an intern on her first day figured it out." "Again. Means you're an idiot. Where'd you get your degree from again?" "Exact same school that gave you one." "Great school," Mark smirked. "So you want to date your intern. Are we talking serious dating here or couple drinks, maybe dinner, and then sex back at her place?" "I don't know," Derek sighed. "I just...maybe serious." "Meeting Hannah serious?" "Maybe," Derek shrugged. "She won't even go out to dinner with me so I don't know. But my gut...yeah, meeting Hannah serious." "That's pretty damn serious, Derek." "I know." "Too bad she won't date you."



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 11:59 AM Post #3
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"I'm glad you're so sympathetic." "I'm just saying, Shep," Mark sighed, "it's not always worth the fight." "I know," Derek nodded. "But Meredith...I want to fight." "It's probably going to piss her off," Mark smirked. "It does. Her nose gets all scrunched up and her eyes get all flashy. And she rambles." "She sounds perfect for you." "That makes her perfect for me?" "Yeah," Mark shrugged. "At least the pissing off will lead to some hot sex. Been awhile since you had that." "I hope it leads to hot sex." "So you do want to fuck her." "I never said I didn't," Derek pointed out. "I just thought if you were planning white picket fences and lots of kids with her you weren't thinking of fucking her brains out." "A...I'm not planning white picket fences quite yet. B...even if I was that doesn't exclude fucking her brains out." "Impressive," Mark grinned. "What's impressive?" "Just thought you had lost your balls. Been, what? Six months since you got some?" "Yeah," Derek sighed. "Pathetic." "I have a daughter." "Yeah, yeah. That's your get out of jail free card," Mark rolled his eyes. "So you're going to fuck Grey's brains out if she gives you half the chance?" "I'm going to date her if she gives me half the chance." "Good for you," Mark nodded, getting up off the couch. "It's about damn time. Now, I, on the other hand, don't need to wait for half a chance. Got another sleepover with Lynn." "Another one?" Derek raised an eyebrow. "She does yoga, Shep. Another sleepover is necessary." "Too much information." "Yeah, yeah. I'll be back before Hannah gets up tomorrow." "Good. Saves me the explanation." "See you later, Shep," Mark nodded, grabbing his leather jacket and his keys. "See you, Mark," Derek sighed. "And don't get all mopey about Grey, she'll give in sooner or later," Mark grinned, walking out of the house. He wasn't going to get mopey about Grey. He barely knew Grey. She was just the entirely hot intern that he had happened to flirt with at the mixer and then had been his the first day. She was fun to flirt with, a lot of fun. And he figured if she ever said yes to dinner she'd be hell of a lot of fun to talk to across the table. The other stuff he wasn't even going to think about but it would be fun. He wasn't sure what it was about her that made him want her so bad. He had had dates over the past four years. Dates and sex, but never anything really serious. Never anyone he could imagine Hannah meeting or liking, and definitely no one he could imagine bringing into his life. But there was something about Grey. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on that made him want her in every aspect of his life. But there was something about you I want you to know It brought a change over me It’s startin to show I’ve got this feelin inside Gotta have ya, have ya, ain’t no good to hide Disclaimer: Alicia got her new Grey’s stuff in the mail so now Alicia owns 5 Grey’s tshirts and a Grey’s coffee mug. Katie owns 2 Grey’s tshirts. And yet we still don’t own the show. Why can’t you buy it on the online store? Why? Derek Shepherd loved Miranda Bailey. Not love love and he was never actually say that to her as he was quite certain telling her that would lead to his iminent death, but he loved her. He really did. Because somehow the gods, or Bailey who probably thought she was god, had smiled at him and Meredith Grey was his intern again. Yet again he was stuck with Meredith all day. It had made his day when she had bounded up to him, saying she was with him. He had given her a quick smirk and did some light flirting, which only made her roll her eyes again and call him Dr. Shepherd. He definitely loved Miranda Bailey. Meredith made the work day bearable, she made it seem to go by much faster, or at least she had until their patient had come in. He hated dealing with rapes. He saw his fair share of them because it always seemed like the bastards felt the need to cause head injuries amongst everything else, but he hated rapes. His stomach turned just thinking of what he had to do, patching up a girl another man had injured for his own sick sexual pleasure. It was beyond wrong. Not even working with Meredith could make it better. He had been fighting the urge all day to escape and run to day care to scoop Hannah into his arms and give her a tight hug. It never ceased to amaze him how sick these bastards seemed to be, and all it did was make him think things he definitely didn't want to be thinking about. Thinking about his sisters or about Hannah, which definitely didn't help with his day or with the anger bubbling inside him. Shepherds produced girls. Growing up he had been the only boy around, well the only boy that was real family, even when cousins got together. He had more neices than he did nephews, he had his own daughter. His life was spent surrounded by women. To do something like that to one of them was disgusting and he couldn't even fathom what kind of asshole did it. Of course, it seemed like the sick bastard had gotten what was coming to him, as during surgery their cardiothoracic surgeon had removed the asshole's penis from her esophagus. Which only made him more angry. His patient was tiny, but she had fought back, hard and angry. And now she was in a coma she might never wake up from, and entirely alone. His day was not going well. "Hey," he sighed, walking up behind Meredith and dropping the chart on the desk beside her. "Hey," she nodded, looking more than slightly distracted as she eyed the cooler next to her. "Police haven't come for the penis yet?" he asked. "Nope," she groaned. "The crap crime scene guy can't come until morning." "Ouch," he winced. "Yep, so I'm spending the night with a penis," she nodded and then winced. "That was bad. And you have to leave it alone. Even Karev left it alone when I said it." "That is slightly easy," he laughed. "The line...if you wanted to spend the night with a penis you could have just asked comes to mind." "Dr. Shepherd," she groaned, turning to face him. "Inappropriate." "So you keep telling me," he smirked. "Because it's true." "Maybe," he sighed. "But so it repeatedly saying no to a guy you clearly want to have dinner with." "What makes you think I want to have dinner with you?" "Your eyes." "Excuse me?" "Your mouth says no, your mouth says no a lot along with a whole bunch of other things, usually all in one breath. But your eyes...you want to go out with me." "Does that stuff usually work for you?" she asked before grabbing the cooler and turning to walk away from him. "I don't actually use it that often," he frowned as he began to follow her. "Is it working?" "Definitely not." "That's just sad..." he sighed. "We could have fun, you know?" "Separately," she nodded. "We could have separate fun. You have fun somewhere. I have fun somewhere. No fun together." "I've had separate fun from you before. I want together fun." "Well you can't always get what you want," she sighed. "And we're definitely not having together fun." "Why not?" "Seriously? Seriously. Have you not been listening to a word I've said?" "I've listened but...it wouldn't be the first time an attending and an intern had a little fun." "Oh, now I get it. You do this every year, don't you? Choose an intern to have some together fun with which makes you feel like a big man or whatever." "No," Derek shook his head quickly. "I definitely don't do this every year. I've never actually had fun with an intern before." "Then you should keep it that way." "But I don't want to." "What? Are you five?" "No," he laughed. "Just...I like you. I told you that. And I meant it." Meredith paused to look at him for a second, before shaking her head. "I'm not going out with you." "You keep saying that," he smirked. "You're my boss, Der---Dr. Shepherd," she sighed. "I don't see how that's a problem. It's our personal life, Meredith. You'd still be Dr. Grey at work." "Dr. Grey," she sighed. "Not Meredith. Dr. Grey. And it is a problem. It's a huge problem. And it's not our anything. It's my personal life. And it's my career." "And you think dating me would hurt your career." "It would definitely hurt my career," she groaned. "I have things to prove. I'm an intern. Sleeping with an attending? Not the way to prove things." "No one would actually have to know," Derek pointed out. "Oh? So we're going to have a secret affair? So that when people do find out then we're screwed? And then I'm the slut sleeping with an attending." "You wouldn't be the slut sleeping with the attending," he said quietly. "That's not what I want out of this." She stepped back from him, a frown on her face before turning to walk away. "You can't do this," she hissed. "You definitely can't do this." "What can't I do?" he asked as he continued to follow her. "This...whatever you're doing," she shook her head. "The flirting and the...dreaminess. You can't do that. Because you're my boss." "Dreaminess?" "Or whatever," she bit her lip, blushing slightly. "You're cute when you blush," he murmured quietly. "Dr. Shepherd!" "Just saying," he shrugged, the smirk returning. "Okay, seriously, stop," she groaned, hitting the button for the elevator. "Just...stop." "I wish I could." "What?" "I'm not actually the guy that does this," he shrugged. "When I'm told to stop I usually stop." "And you've suddenly become that guy because..." "Of you. You're...I don't know." "You're extremely cheesy." "And you're smiling." "I'm not smiling," she shook her head, stepping onto the elevator. "Definitely not smiling." "You're definitely smiling." "I'm not," Meredith groaned and then paused. "I'm not going out with you." "I know," he nodded. "Do you want to go out with me?" "I'm not dating you. You're my boss." "I'm your boss's boss." "You're my teacher! And you're my teacher's teacher. And you're my teacher." "I'm your sister, I'm your daughter." "You're sexually harassing me." "I'm riding an elevator." "Look," she sighed, "I'm drawing a line. A line is drawn. There is a big line." "So this line...is it imaginary or do I need to get you a marker?" he asked, turning around to face her. She bit her lip as she looked up at him, her eyes darkening slightly as the cooler fell out of her hands and she slammed him against the wall, taking him entirely by surprise as she kissed him deeply. Her hands moved over his hair and it took him only a minute to react, moaning slightly as he turned her. It was...it was a kiss. A kiss that was currently making him forget that he was on a public elevator at work. She opened her mouth to him and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue inside her mouth, pushing his body hard into her as their tongues mingled and her fingers found his hair. He loved her fingers in his hair. The kiss deepened in urgency as his hands traveled to her hair, pushing her head tighten into him, loving the taste and feel of her mouth. He tightened his grasp on her hair as her hands trailed over his body, both of them moaning slightly as the kiss deepened, as they both rushed to search other's bodies and mouths. The flowery smell overwhelmed him as she pushed her body against his, rubbing against his rapidly forming erection and he groaned, his hips involuntarily moving against her. And in the worst timing ever, the elevator pinged to a stop. The emergency stop button probably would have been a good idea but she was already pulling away, staring at the elevator doors as she picked the cooler back up and tried to readjust the clothes and hair that screamed that something had happened. Not enough of something but something. Emergency stop would have been genius. He reached out to grab her but she had that entirely panicked look at her eyes as she looked away from him and quickly walked out of the elevator, leaving him standing in what was now becoming a crowded elevator with an erection and swollen lips. "We'll talk later?" he called lamely after her before pulling his lab coat closer around him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "So how was your day?" Derek asked his daughter, stepping back onto the same elevator where hours before he had been kissing his intern. "Very good," Hannah nodded, grasping his hand tightly. "I showed Lynn my plie and everything and she said I was a great balleina and I told her the best balleina is Angelina Balleina and then she read to me about Angelina going to dance class and I said I go to dance class but it's summer and I can't go now but I will later. I will go later, won't I, Daddy?" "Of course you will," Derek nodded. "Good," she grinned. "And then Uncle Monkey came and he gave me ice cream cause he was sad so we had ice cream and it was really, really good. He told me not to tell you but I told him I tell you everything cause you're my daddy and if I don't tell you then I get in trouble. Don't get mad at him though, Daddy." "Why was Uncle Monkey sad?" Derek frowned. "I dunno," she shrugged. "Daddy, can we have cheeburger for supper? Please? Please?" "I don't know," Derek sighed dramatically. "Is your room clean?" "Um...maybe." "Maybe?" "It's pretend clean." "And what exactly is pretend clean?" "Pretend clean," she shrugged. "Well...we can have cheeseburgers for supper if you make your room real clean when I'm making them." "And fench fries?" "And french fries," he nodded. "But if you're room isn't clean by supper time, I'll throw it all out and you can have salad." "Ewww, Daddy!" "Clean your room and there doesn't have to be any ewww," Derek laughed. "Uncle Monkey can help you if he's home." "It will be real clean, Daddy," she nodded quickly as the elevator doors open and Miranda Bailey walked on. "Dr. Shepherd," Bailey nodded before smiling widely at Hannah. "Hannah." "Hi, Dr. Miranda," Hannah grinned. "Can I press the button?" "Of course you can," Bailey nodded. "Which one?" Hannah asked, letting go of Derek's hand. "Press the one that has a G on it." "Like me and Daddy!" Hannah giggled, pressing the button quickly. "We all get to go home finally," Bailey nodded. "Finally," Derek sighed in agreement before smiling at Bailey. "Miranda." "Oh what do you want now?" Bailey groaned. "If you even say Grey..." "I was just greeting you," Derek grinned. "It's your name isn't it? It's on your jacket." "You're lucky your daughter is on this elevator." "She gets to call you Miranda," Derek laughed, watching as Hannah shifted back and forth from foot to foot. "That's because she's cute and I like her." "And you don't like me?" Derek frowned. "I'd like you a lot more if you lay off my intern." "What?" "Oh I know what's going on," Bailey nodded. "Back off, Shepherd." "She's an intern, Mir---Bailey," Derek said quickly. "A very talented intern. There's nothing going on." "Do I have a sign that says stupid on my forehead?" "Nope," Hannah chirped. "Thank you, Hannah," Bailey nodded. "I know what goes on. I know everything that goes on, Shepherd. And I know what's going on between you and my intern. She's an intern." "There's nothing going on between me and your intern," Derek sighed, running his hands through his hair and trying to block out the memory of what had happened in this elevator just hours earlier. Remembering that would do nothing good in this situation. "Why do I not believe that?" "No idea," Derek sighed. "Why do you think there's anything going on?" "I'm not blind and I'm not dumb. I see the way you look at each other." "Small ears, Bailey," Derek warned, realizing that Hannah was looking at them both intently. "I know," Bailey sighed. "Just...she's an intern, Derek. She has enough on her plate already. And so do you." "Miranda," Derek sighed before reaching for Hannah and putting his hands over her ears, "I'm not trying to hurt her. I'm not Mark. I don't...I don't do something with somebody without thinking about how it's going to affect Hannah. Meredith is...I'm not trying to hurt her." "Than what exactly is it you're trying to do?" "I'm not entirely sure," Derek admitted. "There's just...there's something about her. I don't want it to be an affair though. She deserves better than that." "Glad you realize it," Bailey nodded. "Just...be careful. And the second I see special treatment I will see to it that you're both in a world of trouble." "I'm not trying to give her special treatment," Derek rolled his eyes. "She's good." "She is. And she's not your intern tomorrow." "I figured I couldn't get that lucky two days in a row," Derek smirked. "And no requesting her all the time." "I won't," Derek promised. "Have you told her about Hannah?" "No," Derek shrugged. "We haven't exactly gotten to that point yet. I can't just throw it out there. 'How are you today, Dr. Grey? By the way, I have a five year old daughter.' And she's...she's not exactly jumping to go out to dinner with me." "Knew there was a reason I liked her," Bailey laughed. "Daddy, my ears are hot!" Hannah whined, fidgeting. "Sorry Hannah," Derek laughed, removing his hands. "Silly Daddy," Hannah sighed, rubbing her ears. "Dr. Miranda, I gotta clean my room for real cause Daddy's gonna make me cheeburgers and fench fries. And Uncle Monkey's gonna help if he's home but he probably has more sleep overs or somethin' cause Uncle Monkey's got lots and lots of friends." "Yes, I know all about your uncle Monkey's friends," Bailey sighed. "Cheeseburgers sound yummy." "Very yummy. And fench fries. Maybe cookies but probably not cause Daddy says sugar is real bad for little girls 'fore bedtime but Uncle Monkey lets me have ice cream and cookies cause he says sugar is good but I'm not apposed to listen to Uncle Monkey cause he's crazy, Daddy says so." "They're both crazy, but your daddy is right. Sugar before bed tim is never a good idea," Bailey nodded. "Daddy, if I'm real good and I clean my room lots, can I have one cookie?" "Maybe one," Derek nodded. "Tank you, Daddy," Hannah grinned as the elevator doors opened and she grabbed Derek's hands. "Bye, Dr. Miranda!" "Bye Hannah," Bailey grinned. "Daddy say bye," Hannah giggled, pulling him along. "Bye Bailey," Derek called back. "Say bye, Dr. Miranda." "Bye Derek," Bailey laughed. "Now we gots to go home and I'm gonna clean my room," Hannah nodded as she led Derek to the car. "You are," Derek nodded. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "What's 'tern?" "Intern?" "Yeah." "It's a doctor that just finished school and is in their first year of being a doctor." "Ohhhh," Hannah nodded. "Why, Hannah?" "No reason," she shrugged, scrambling into the car. "Okay," he sighed, leaning over to buckle her in. "Dr. Miranda said intern lots." "Oh," Derek nodded. "We were just talking about a friend of mine that's an intern." "Are you gonna have sleepovers like Uncle Monkey?" "If I had sleepovers like Uncle Monkey who would tuck you into bed?" "Uncle Monkey. Or Nana." "True," Derek nodded. "But I like you better, Daddy." "I know you do," Derek laughed. "And I like tucking you in." "Because I'm the bestest," she giggled, kissing his nose. "You are the bestest," he laughed, kssing her nose in return. "Home time." "Home," she nodded. You got me falling over and over I've been drifting this side and upside down I do it all for you You know I’ll be a fool for you Disclaimer: We don't own Grey's Anatomy. If we did...well we'd be running around making it clear that new chicky isn't a new love interest for Derek. As well...people thinking that...it puts the poor woman's life on the line. As we're sure many of us would like to kill her more than we'd like to see her touch Derek. "They're everywhere, all the time. Izzie's all perky and George does this thing where he's kind and considerate," Meredith groaned as she walked into the hospital with Cristina. "They share food and they move things and they breathe. Ugh, they're like happy." "Kick them out," Cristina shrugged. "I can't kick them out," Meredith rolled her eyes. "They just moved in. I asked them to move in. I can't kick them out." "So you're just going to let it all build up in some dark place until one day it explodes and you kill them both?" "Yep," Meredith sighed. "This is why we're friends," Cristina smirked. "And to make matters worse, Derek is every where all the time too," Meredith continued. "Like, he's a ninja or something. I'm in the hallway and he's there. All the time. And it's driving me nuts. Completely nuts because he's...and we...but seriously...everywhere, all the time. Like a ninja." "Derek...as in Dr. Shepherd?" "Yes," Meredith sighed. "Dr. Shepherd. We...I met him at the mixer and I may have flirted with him before I realized he was my boss and now...he's like a five year old. I keep expecting him to throw a temper tantrum when I tell him I can't go out with him." "Shepherd wants to go out with you?" "He wants to go out with me. Or something. I don't know. He keeps flirting and smirking and he has the perfect hair and the blue eyes and...he's a great kisser." "Kisser? Do tell." "There's nothing to tell. I kissed him in the elevator. Or he kissed me. We kissed in the elevator." "You kissed McDreamy in the elevator?" "I was having a bad day." "And that's what you do on a bad day? Make out with Dr. McDreamy?" "Since when is he McDreamy?" Meredith turned to her friend as they jogged up the stairs to the locker room. "He's McDreamy...with the eyes and the hair...and apparently wanting to get in your pants." "Which isn't good," Meredith said firmly. "Definitely not good. He's my boss. And I shouldn't have kissed him." "It was a kiss, no need to get your panties in a bunch." "Yeah, it was a kiss but now he's all about being around me and flirting and smirking and talking about putting condoms in his wallet." "So screw him, you obviously want to." "I do not," Meredith groaned as she pulled her jeans down, reaching for scrub pants. "You do. Just jump him...get him out of your system or whatever." "He's my boss, Cristina." "So? I'd do Sloan if the man wasn't such an idiot. I swear he should just keep his mouth shut. He's about twenty times sexier when he's not talking." "You'd do Sloan?" Meredith turned to her friend. "Seriously? You'd have sex with your boss? It could fuck up our careers forever. He's my boss, Cristina. My boss. What do they do if they find out you're screwing your boss?" "They...it would be hell, but it's not like they'd ever find out. Take him home, fuck his brains out and move on." "He doesn't want to just have sex. It's apparently more than that," Meredith rolled her eyes as she tied her sneakers. "What the hell does that mean?" "I have no idea. I think he's one of those guys who does the happily ever after relationship thing. He seems like one of those guys." "Oh...gross. Ignore my advice. Ignore. Run." "Thank you," Meredith nodded, looking down at her beeping pager. "Pit." "Crap," Cristina sighed. "I was hoping I'd get something cool." "We're interns, we don't get cool stuff," Meredith slammed her locker door shut. "I just hope Derek's not down there. Maybe he has the day off." "Keep wishing," Cristina laughed. "I just don't get why he has to be so annoying," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Seriously. He's my boss and he's always there and he likes me or whatever." "Threaten to cut off his balls or something." "I'm considering it." "Good," Cristina nodded. "Meanwhile, I'm just going to avoid him," Meredith said firmly as they walked into the pit, both of them stopping and staring at the bleeding, wounded bicyclists being brought in. "Holy crap." "It's like candy...but with blood which is so much cooler," Cristina breathed. "Totally," Meredith breathed, looking around, grinning when she saw a guy with spikes poking out of his side. "That one's so mine." "Mine," Cristina echoed seeing an unconscious man roll by on a stretcher. "See you later," Meredith nodded to her friend before running off, a grin on her face. The day was definitely getting better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dead Baby Bike Race, it was the most insane thing he had ever heard of. As a man he had to appreciate the basic concept of it, hurtling down the mountains at insane paces for some strange competition. It made sense, at least it made kind of sense in some weird twisted way. But actually participating in it was insane. One would think they'd at least think to throw helmets on. He was always his busiest on Dead Baby Bike Race day. Today was definitely no exception. Already he had dealt with a brain dead patient, and he had just scrubbed out of a subdural hematoma, again from some idiot who hadn't thought to put on a helmet. Mark was probably having a field day though. He loved this day. It was basically an early Christmas for him. He hadn't even managed to see Meredith today. He figures she was running like mad with all the cases coming into the Pit and Yang was on the brain dead John Doe. Yang who kept looking at him in the oddest ways, which was well confusing. But he was running too much to think of it to much or to do much of anything else. It was an insane day of running around. He had wanted to stop by and see Hannah, but that defintiely wasn't happening today. He'd probably have to call his mom to come and pick her up as he seriously doubted he'd be going home anytime soon, not when there were head injuries piling up. Hannah would hate it, and she'd probably pout, but this was one time he couldn't just walk away. Not when every neuro resident and attending were swamped. He'd go check on his John Doe and then give his mom a call and make all the plans. He'd have his mom take her out for pizza or something to make up for it, which he hated doing but at least he didn't have to fall back on it too much. And Hannah did love hanging out with Nana so it would be fine for the one night. Even if it meant completely collapsing whenever he finally got home. He jogged down to the ER, rolling his eyes when he noticed Mark proudly showing off his skills with one of the bikers. The pit was a mess. A complete mess. There was blood everywhere and more and more bikers were bringing themselves in, some of them demanding to just be sutured up and then sent back out to the race. He got it. He understood competition. He just didn't get dying for it. Meredith's familiar blonde hair caught his eyes as he looked around. She was in an exam room taking care of some idiot biker. She looked all adorable, concentrating on the chart in front of her while frowning at the patient, apparently agreeing with him that these guys were all basically idiots. He probably should be paying attention to other things, but it was the first time he had seen her all day. He smiled as he watched her, her bangs falling slightly in her face as she stared at the patient, shaking her head. It never ceased to amaze him that she had the power to make crappy days automatically better. Even if she was against dating him, even if she had been avoiding him like the plague since the elevator, she never failed to brighten his day. Except for now. When she was kissing the idiot biker. What the hell? Meredith was kissing some idiot patient that thought it was a good idea to hurtle himself down a concrete mountain. Okay, maybe he had more kissed her but she certainly hadn't pushed the idiot away. The guy left the exam room and Meredith glared for a second before starting to clean up the room, apparently deciding to act like nothing had happened. She turned to throw something away and paused when she saw him before turning back around to look away from him, clearly afraid she was going to get in trouble. Or something. He frowned as he moved into the exam room, staring at her, completely at a loss for words. "What?" she said, looking up at him. "You make out with patients now?" he asked. "What are you jealous?" she smirked. "I don't get jealous," he frowned, closing the door behind him. She shrugged as she continued cleaning up before turning to him. "This should definitely stop. You act like we're...anyway, nothing has happened between us. So you can't get jealous." "We kissed in an elevator," he smirked. "Fine, we kissed in an elevator. Once." "No seriously...come on...go out with me." "No," she stressed, rolling her eyes. "People are dying, Meredith. People die all the time, we know that. How would you feel if I died and you never got a chance to go out with me?" "Get over yourself already," she shook her head, turning to him, her hands on her hips. "Come on," he groaned. "It's the chase isn't it?" she demanded, her eyes darkening. "What?" "The thrill of the chase. I've been wondering to myself, why are you so hell-bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my boss. You know it’s against the rules. You know I keep saying no. It’s the chase." "But it's fun, isn't it?" "Seriously?" she groaned. "Seriously. What could possibly be fun about this? You like getting turned down? You liked breaking the rules? You like trying to ruin my career?" "I'm not going to ruin your career," he sighed. "And yes, getting turned down by you has a certain...niceness to it." "Something is clearly wrong with you." "I like you," he shrugged. "I don't think that means there's something wrong with me." "You can't like me," she said firmly. "And what if I don't like you?" "That would be bad," he nodded slowly. "But you do, so I don't see that being a problem." "How do you know I like you? What if I think you're an arrogant ass?" "I know," he smirked. "See!" she exclaimed. "This is all a game to you! But not to me. Because unlike you, I still have something to prove." She brushed past him and walked out of the room, clearly frustrated. It wasn't a game. If it was a game he'd have backed off by now. Because Meredith was entirely right. This was...insane. It was against the rules, she obviously wasn't giving in and it really wouldn't be the greatest for her career. If it was a game he would have given up on this after the first day. He wasn't quite sure what it was at this point, but it certainly wasn't a game. He had no idea how to convince her of that though. No idea how to convince her that this was something more than him wanting to toy with her emotions, or wanting to screw her. There was something about her that drew him to her. Something he couldn't completely place his finger on that made him want to flirt with her, be around her, just talk to her. He just didn't know how to convince her of it. Because he wasn't exactly sure how he felt himself. It would be hard to try to tell her that he liked having her around when he didn't know why he liked having her around, he just liked it. She made things better, she made life feel better. It seemed insane and he had a feeling if he even tried to do it, she would just say seriously, give him her annoyed look and walk away. And he loved her annoyed look, he really did. But she wouldn't believe him if he told her this wasn't a game. That he hadn't played games in six years. That he had promised after Hannah was born that he wouldn't play those games anymore. Of course, telling her he didn't play games would require telling her about Hannah and he just wasn't ready to do that yet. He would eventually. She was going to find out eventually regardless as she worked at the hospital and it was impossible to keep Hannah a secret in the place where she had grown up and everyone knew her. But still, eventually he would tell her but it wasn't exactly the best waty to convince a girl that didn't want to go out with you to give you a chance. So not yet. He groaned as his pager went off. This day was going to be hell. It was going to be long and hard and filled with fixing idiots like the biker she had just kissed. Not that he had been jealous. He didn't get jealous. And even if he did, he had no right to be jealous. She was right about that at least. They weren't dating. They weren't together. She was just his intern. His ridiculously amazing intern. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Today had been insane. Entirely totally insane. Someone probably should have warned them about the insanity of today. Because today had definitely been insane. She had spent the entire day stitching up idiotic bike racers. Not to mention the one that had kissed her and then Derek. Stupid Derek who didn't seem to really understand the meaning of the word no. He was a brain surgeon. Brain surgeon usually meant smart. When people were talking about stupid easy things, they'd say it didn't take a brain surgeon to do it, which meant brain surgeons did hard things and were smart. Except for apparently Derek Shepherd. Apparently he didn't understand the English language or something. Or he was just crazy. One of the two. She was trying to avoid him and she was failing miserably because somehow he managed to be everywhere all the time being annoying and dreamy. McDreamy whatever that hell that was supposed to mean. And if she wasn't his boss she'd be quite the fan of the dreaminness but that was impossible as he was her boss and that wasn't going to change anytime soon. He couldn't play this game with her. He was just another guy. Just another guy who wanted to take her out and then screw her and that was it. Or keep screwing her. Except it would make work awkward. Or he'd start giving her special favors and Bailey would notice because Bailey noticed everything and then she'd tell the chief who would probably explode and kick her out of the program. There was no way she could like the dreaminess. She'd just have to keep ignoring him, or figure out a way to get him to actually figure out that he meant it when she said no. And they'd go on to be intern and attending which was all they could ever be and all they were ever going to be. Well until they were resident and attending but still. The door opened behind her and she turned to see him standing there. Of course. "It's not the chase," he smiled. "What?" she frowned, rubbing lotion onto her hands. "You and me," he shook his head slowly, beginning to walk toward her. "It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It's...your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair." "My hair?" she asked. She couldn't help but smile. She really couldn't. This...she hadn't been expecting this. "It smells good," he nodded, smiling slightly. "And you're very, very bossy... it keeps me in line." She watched as a smile played at his lips, as he nodded slightly. Like he was waiting for her to return whatever he was doing. And then she fought the urge to kiss him. Really kiss him. Which would be bad. "I'm still not going out with you," she smiled. "You say that now," he smirked. "I say that always," she returned the smirk. "We'll see about that," he murmured. "You're an idiot," she giggled. "It's quite possible I am," he laughed. "I'm glad you're admitting it." "We could go out for dinner and discuss how big of idiot I am." "You really need to learn the meaning of the word no," she rolled her eyes, closing her locker door. "Oh I know the meaning," he nodded. "I'm just not quite sure you mean it." "I mean it," she nodded firmly. "Definitely mean it." "Do you?" he breathed. "I...you...you're my boss." "I know," he nodded. "But you didn't answer my question. Do you mean it?" "I...no. Yes. Yes I mean it. I definitely mean yes. No. I definitely mean no." "What the hell did you just say?" he laughed gently. "You suck," she pouted, grabbing her bag. "I'll see you later, Dr. Shepherd." "See you, Dr. Grey," he nodded, still laughing softly. "Ass," she giggled. as she moved past him, her shoulder rubbing against him, which strangely made her shiver a little. "I like the giggling by the way, you should do it more often," he smiled. "I'm not going to giggle because you like it." "You're not?" "No." "But I'm your boss. You have to do what I say." "Okay, seriously?" she turned back towards him, rolling her eyes at the smirk. "You can't be my boss when it suits you. And you can't be my boss like that." "I'm always your boss. I thought that was the issue here." "It is. But you can't be my boss in...that way." "I could be your boss in that way." "You're a terrible person." "I'm definitely not a terrible person." "You definitely are," she sighed, smiling slightly as he moved closer to her, his nose hovering just over her hair. "Okay maybe," he shrugged. "But you like me anyway." "I...yeah," she breathed, his body moving even closer to her. "Yeah?" he asked. "No," she corrected herself, blushing slightly as she dipped her head down. "No." "You can't take your yeah back." "I can and I am." "Oh but I already heard it. You can't erase my memory." "I...I have to go." "You do?" "Yes. Things. Family...I have things." "Okay," he nodded. "I'll see you later, Meredith." "Dr. Grey." "You could just call me Derek for once." "You're Dr. Shepherd. I'm Dr. Grey. Because you're my boss and I'm your intern." "And we kissed." "Once," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You need to get over it. You're starting to sound pathetic." "I am?" he frowned. "You are," she smirked, looking up at him. "We could do it again...so I stop obsessing over the first time." "Not going to happen." "Really?" "Really," she breathed, moving closer to him, which was definitely bad. Because she shouldn't be moving closer to him and his hair and his eyes and the smirk. "Because I'm feeling a kiss coming on," he murmured. "Definitely no kiss," she whispered. "Hmm..." he breathed. "No kiss." "No kiss," she nodded slowly as he ducked his head down slightly, his breath hot against her lips. "None," he agreed, right before gently brushing his lips along hers. "Definitely not," she murmured, her lips moving softly against his before she pulled back, her cheeks pink. "Hmm..." he smiled, taking a step back. "Have a good night, Dr. Grey." "You too, Dr. Shepherd," she murmured. "Bye," he whispered, smiling one last time as he disappeared from the room. She breathed as she leaned against the wall, her mind swimming. Crap. Crap. Crap. She had kissed him. Again. A really soft kiss, which definitely wasn't her thing. Her thing usually involved clothes being torn off and sex happening. Not...not soft kisses. Not flirting. This was bad. This was really, really bad. She was pretty sure this couldn't get much worse. There was no way he was going to leave her alone. After that talk, that kiss, there was no way he was going to let things go with the intern and attending thing that he apparently didn't care about at all. Because he really liked her in a way she wasn't sure any guy had ever liked her and something about that felt incredibly good. If he wasn't her boss it would feel good. If he wasn't her boss, she'd probably go out with him. If he wasn't her boss, she'd kiss him again. If he wasn't her boss, she'd definitely sleep with him. But he was her boss. And this was wrong. He didn't care, but she did. Or at least, she was pretty sure she did. She wasn't quite sure anymore. Not after the kiss. Maybe you like what's goin' on Deep down inside I know it's wrong I know I should run But the heart wants what it wants Disclaimer: Paddy was racing today and Alicia and Katie completely forgot. This makes us horrible fans but at least we had a lot less stress. Of course if we owned the show we wouldn't have forgotten as we'd be there. Cheering him off. And giving him victory (or loser) sex. Meredith slammed her locker door shut and contemplated the intelligence of banging her head against it. She was quite certain that 4:30 in the morning wasn't even a real time. It was some stupid made up time that some stupid person had made up to drive her insane. And the stupid person was probably named Derek as that was the perfect name for stupid people that cut down on her sleep time. Patients weren't even awake yet. They were all sleeping. So why the hell did she have to be here at some stupid time in the stupid morning for some stupid pre-rounds? It didn't make any sense. None at all. And it probably wasn't a good thing for her to even be here. With room mates and family and moms and everything else...she was in a crap mood. And 4:30 only made it worse. She wanted to be home in bed. And she just to ignore that tiny voice in her head that felt like says she wanted to be home in bed with Derek. She assumed that voice was caused by the pure exhaustion coursing through her body. This was not natural. This was beyond stupid and not healthy and someone should have told her about this before she decided to be a surgeon. Not that it would have stopped her. Or maybe it would have. Probably not. But still...deciding to be a surgeon should have come with a warning about made up times and stupid annoying attendings who flirted. Well, that probably didn't happen all the time, only to her, which was just her luck. She had crap luck. "I hope I get some good patients today," she groaned to Cristina. "It's my day to be in the OR," Cristina shrugged, a small smile on her face. "What?" Meredith turned to her friend. "What do you know?" "I know I was here at 4 and you didn't get here till 4:30." "Tell me," Meredith demanded. "No. I'm not the intern flirting with an attending," Cristina smirked. Meredith shook her head as Cristina brushed past her. "I am not flirt----" she stopped when she saw Derek standing there, a cup of coffee in his hands. Crap. "You're here early." "I have a cordotomy at five," Derek smiled. "I get out at 6. I was thinking I could buy you breakfast before your rounds." "I've already eaten," Meredith sighed, turning from him and walking away. "Oh...what did you have?" "None of your business," she rolled her eyes. He seriously needed to get a hint. Or not get a hint. If he got a hint he'd probably be all about them kissing twice. Which was...bad. Really, really bad. "Are you a cereal person? Straight out of the box? Or are you all fruit and fibery?" he asked laughing. "Pancakes, do you like pancakes?" "Fine," she groaned. "Leftover grilled cheese. Curiousity satisfied?" "That's sad...that's pathetic. A good day starts with a good breakfast." "Are you high?" she asked, turning to him. "What?" "It's four thirty in the morning." "It is," he nodded. "And you're...disturbingly happy and...Izzie-like." "Izzie like?" he frowned. "And you get used to the crazy hours eventually. Coffee helps." "Perky," she replied. "Did you put speed in your coffee? Because seriously...it's weird. And disturbing. And you eat breakfast. You're one of those happy morning people." "I'm not a happy morning person. I'm a happy morning person when I get to see you," he smiled and then winced. "That was bad." "That was awful. Really, really awful." "It is early," he shrugged. "You like early," she rolled her eyes. "You're one of those people who jogs and makes pancakes, aren't you?" "Is that a bad thing?" "Makes you more annoying," she groaned, moving to walk past him again. "I make good pancakes," he smiled. "You will have to try them sometime." "Der---Dr. Shepherd," she rolled her eyes. "No. No breakfast. No lunch. No dinner. And...just no. Definitely no." "You keep saying that," he grinned. "And I'm going to keep meaning it," she nodded. "So you might as well give up now." "I really wish I could," he sighed. "Fine. I'll make it easy for you," she turned to him. "I"m not going to be seen with you in this hospital. It's unprofessional." "It's an attending getting to know his intern." "He kissed the intern. Twice." "Barely knew her." "And it should stay that way." "Why?"



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:00 PM Post #4
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Why?" she stared at him. "Seriously? Do you not listen? I mean do you seriously just not listen to me when I say stuff?" "I do," he nodded. "I always listen. But so far you've only had one reason...and it's not that convincing." "What? The fact that you're my boss? That's not convincing?" "Not really," he shook his head. "I get the problem, I do. Just...I don't actually care about the problem." "Well I do," Merediht said firmly. "And since I care, that means you have to get over this and just...stop." "I could stop..." he nodded slowly. "You could. And should." "I will," he smiled. "If you can actually make it sound like you really mean it." "I do mean it. Stop. Now." "You'd miss me." "I wouldn't." "You would." "I wouldn't," she repeated. "I'm trying to be a doctor. Save lives. Be professional. You should try it sometime." "You do realize I'm one of the top neurosurgeons in the country, right?" "I've heard." "I do the saving lives thing quite well." "Then you should try the professional thing too." "I'm entirely professional." "Flirting with your intern is professional?" "Just have breakfast with me," he groaned. "Two colleagues. Hospital cafeteria. Very public. No hanky panky, I promise." "You seriously did not just say hanky panky?" "I may have," he grimaced. "It's still early." "And I'm still saying no," she frowned. "Breakfast in the caf. It can't even be counted as a date." "Seriously. No." "You have to say yes eventually." "I really don't," she rolled her eyes. "But you like me." "No I don't." "You do," he nodded. "You kissed me." "That doesn't mean I like you." "You really don't like me?" "I..." Meredith paused, not trusting her entirely exhausted brain to answer the right way. "You're going to be late for your cordotomy." "You're avoiding the answer," he laughed. "We're standing in the middle of a hospital hallway." "And you're not answering," he smiled widely.' "Seriously. You're going to be late." "Going," he nodded. "Good." "Nice talking to you, Dr. Grey," Derek said loudly. "You're an idiot," she rolled her eyes. "Who you happen to like," he grinned, turning to walk away. "See you later." "Goodbye, Dr. Shepherd." "Goodbye, Dr. Grey," he smiled, heading down the hallway. She rolled her eyes as she watched him. He was an idiot. A complete idiot. She was pretty much convinced he was entirely incapable of actually not acting like a horny teenager. Or an annoying frat boy. He really needed to stop. They were coworkers. She was his intern. It made absolutely no sense that he would be all about her eating breakfast with him. Normal men were supposed to have fragile egos that got bruised by hearing the word no once, and somehow one of the best neurosurgeons in the world seemed to get a kick out of hearing it numerous times in one conversation. He didn't even flinch, he just kept smiling at her like he was high. She figured he probably was and she should probably report him to someone. Because that wasn't normal. It wasn't normal to be that happy at four-thirty in the morning and it definitely wasn't normal to be that happy after hearing no fifty million times in just a few weeks. Clearly he was high. Or crazy. Or maybe he had hit his head at some point and no one had thought to actually check him out. Either way, not normal. And entirely annoying. Even if she was tempted to say yes. Because she had a feeling for no apparent reason that sitting across from him and eating eggs and bacon and working on getting a heart attack could possibly be the highlight of her day. Just watching him smile or whatever. Which was insane and cheesy and it coudn't be the highlight of her day because it was against the rules. And he was an idiot. She didn't want to have breakfast with an idiot. She was a busy surgeon. Well, busy intern. She didn't have time to have breakfasts with idiots who jogged and made pancakes. Pancakes that were apparently good. She liked pancakes. Really liked pancakes, but that wasn't the point. The point was...no breakfast with idiots. Or people who were stoned. Or people who apparently had had traumatic brain injuries resulting in idiocy. Someone would figure it out eventually. She couldn't be the only one that realized the man was...perfect. No, not perfect, entirely idiotic and insane. Someone would notice and he'd go away and she could go back to living like a normal intern that didn't have to be careful walking down hallways because they might get attacked by some guy with randomly amazing hair. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Derek sighed as he took off his surgical cap, a sudden exhaustion seeping into him. He had woken up at three that morning, dealt with a very pissed off Hannah who didn't want to go to daycare that early, and who had spent most of the drive there throwing entirely out of character temper tantrums before screaming herself ot sleep. It hadn't been the best of mornings, at least, not until he had seen Meredith. Which sounded as lame in his head as it had when he had said it to her. She still wasn't budging. Which was...kind of adorable. Because she wasn't budging and yet when he had right out asked her if she didn't like him she hadn't been able to actually give him an answer. Which really was an answer in itself. It had made his day so much better. Not to mention pulling nails out of a patient's head and seeing him live through the surgery. That had been pretty amazing. But now he was exhausted. Completely exhausted. Meredith was taking the patient down to recovery and he was ready to grab his daughter, offer her ice cream and cookies for her forgiveness, and then collapse in bed. Of course, he wouldn't say no to seeing Meredith again, to talking to her again. To making her entirely flustered. He loved when she was flustered and avoided questions. He figured she had to give in eventually. She kept saying she wouldn't but he was pretty certain it was just a cute form of denial. She had definitely been the one to kiss him in the elevator, and she liked him. So eventually she'd look past the boss thing. Which was actually kind of huge, and she hadn't yet heard about the daughter thing. Supposing his daughter hadn't abandoned him sometime in the last day. "Do you think he's going to make it?" he jumped slightly when he heard Meredith's voice behind him. "I don't know," he sighed. "The nails...yeah. But the rest...we'll have to see what's going on." "Do you think it's a tumor?" she asked, coming to stand next to him. "My gut...yeah," he nodded. "That's...crap," Meredith sighed, shaking her head. "It really is," he frowned. "He lived through that...it doesn't seem right." "It could be operable," she said, doubt creeping into her voice. "We can hope," he nodded. "I'm keeping you on this case and we'll do the MRI in the morning." "Okay," she nodded. "Thanks." "For?" "Keeping me on the case," she shrugged. "It's...I don't know. Anyway...thanks." "You deserve it," he smiled. "I didn't actually do anything." "You did good work on the case," he shrugged. "That's enough to see you follow it through." "Yeah," she smiled slightly. "It's early but have you ever thought about what you want to specialize in?" "I...no," she shook her head. "Not really. I mean...no. It's early and I haven't actually been doing a lot yet. So no...maybe general because...but no." "Consider neuro," he nodded. "You show a promise in it." "Seriously?" "Seriously," he nodded. "I...maybe," she grinned. "I like it. Neuro. I like neuro." "You do?" he smiled. "Yeah," she nodded. "I...I really like it. It's...interesting and very, very...I like it. So maybe neuro. Maybe." "Good," he grinned. "You're good at it." "Thank you," she blushed slightly. "You're welcome," he smiled and then laughed gently. "I'm trying very hard not to destroy this very nice moment with an innappropriate comment." "Oh god," she rolled her eyes. "I didn't actually say anything," he laughed. "And what I did say...I mean it. As your boss." "And not because we've kissed and you're trying to get into my pants?" "Not because we've kissed and I'm trying to do a hell of a lot more than get in your pants. You're good. I'm not about to lie to you about something like that." "Oh," she breathed, nodding slowly. "Thanks." "Even if it does mean you'd have to spend more time with me." "Dr. Shepherd," she rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, I was good," he sighed. "I get to have that one." "Fine," she sighed. "You get to have that one." "Thank you," he nodded. "But really...neuro, think about it." "I will." "Good." "Good," she nodded slowly. "Good," he grinned. "Derek?" she murmured, turning to him again. "Yeah?" he asked, a grin tugging at his lips. "Meredith." "Breakfast," she nodded. "What did...you said a good day starts with a good breakfast. Which I'd assume means you had a good breakfast." "I ended up having cereal," he sighed. "It was lonely." "Out of the box or..." "In a bowl," he laughed. "Oh," she giggled slightly. "Okay." "We could have breakfast together tomorrow," he suggested. "Seriously?" "Seriously," he nodded. "I..." she bit her lip. "Colleagues. Between colleagues." "Between colleagues," he nodded. "Which means no kissing or sex or...stuff." "You're saying yes?" "I...maybe...yes." "Seriously?' "Seriously," she giggled. "Oh okay," he nodded. "What time do you start tomorrow?" "Late day tomorrow," she smiled. "Eight." "My first surgery is at nine," he grinned. "Do you...here or somewhere else?" "Um...whatever works for you." "There's a tiny restaurant down the street," he suggested. "Do they have good pancakes?" she grinned. "They do," he smiled. "Not as good as mine...but for some reason I don't think you'd agree to going home with me." "Pushing it, Derek." "Sorry," he grinned. "So restaurant on the corner at seven?" "Yeah," she nodded. "Good," he smiled widely. "Good," she smiled, looking down slightly. "So...tomorrow." "Tomorrow," he nodded. "Okay," she nodded. "Okay," he smiled. "I have to go and...I'll see you in the morning." "See you in the morning," she nodded before turning and walking away from him. She had actually said yes. For all the flirting he had done he hadn't expected her to just turn around and say yes that easily. He would have told her to go neuro ages ago had he known that's all it was going to take. She had said. He'd have to get Mark to bring Hannah in, or bring her in early or something. Because he had a date. He actually had a kind of date with Meredith. He couldn't help but grin widely at the idea. She said it was between colleagues, but after weeks of saying no she had finally said yes, and he couldn't help but call it a kind of date. It was breakfast. He'd finally be able to talk to her without her freaking out about them being in the hospital. And he could decide if she needed to know about Hannah, if she deserved to know about the girl in his life. He was late. He was actually late. She had finally agreed to go on a date, or a kind of date, or of a meeting of colleagues or something, and he was late. She wasn't even sure why she had said yes. The word yes had been running through her head everytime he had asked and she had never actually said it. And she did. It had slipped out and now she was having breakfast with him, if he ever appeared. This was probably some kind of sign. A sign that she should definitely get up and go. That she should not be dating or kind of dating or meeting with her boss. Definitely a sign. Because he was late. He had practically begged her and he was late. Saying yes had to have been the stupidest thing she'd ever said. And now she should definitely leave. It would make work awkward but this was stupid, saying yes had been a very stupid mistake and waiting for him was even more stupid. Entirely idiotic and crazy and she could only assume that some of his idioticness and craziness was rubbing off on her. That would completely explain why she was still sitting here, staring at the flowers in the vase on the table instead of leaving like she should be. Except he wasn't even that late. It was only 7:08. So eight minutes. Still, late. And they shouldn't even be doing this. It was entirely against the rules. Completely against the rules and she definitely needed to get her head checked out. Because she had said yes. She had said yes and now she was sitting here and this wasn't her. She didn't do this. Stupid Derek. "Sorry I'm late," his voice suddenly filled her head as she heard the chair in front of her be pulled out. "One of those mornings." "Oh," she looked up quickly, smiling. He looked good and suddenly she wasn't angry anymore. Or even nervous, which was weird. It was the hair. Had to be the stupid perfect hair. Which actually didn't look all that perfect in that second, but still...good. "That's...it's fine." "You waited," he smiled. "I figured you would have decided this was a stupid idea in the past nine minutes and leave." "I was giving you another minute," she smiled, wondering how in the hell he could read her mind like that. "I guess I had good timing then," he smiled. "You look good...in an entirely professional colleague type of way." "You too," she giggled. "Thanks," he smiled, opening the menu. "Do you know what you want?" "Pancakes," she sighed. "Definitely pancakes." "So you do really like pancakes," he laughed gently. "I do," she nodded. "Doesn't everyone?" "Probably," he grinned. "What about you?" she asked, looking down at her menu. "What are you getting?" "Eggs and bacon," he nodded, looking at the menu. "I thought everyone liked pancakes," she giggled. "You don't?" "I do," he grinned. "I just have them often enough at home that I could use a change." "You make pancakes a lot?" "I told you my pancakes are good." "You're so cocky." "They melt in your mouth." "Pancakes probably shouldn't do that." "They should," he grinned. "I like to chew my pancakes." "You haven't tried mine," Derek smirked. "They're so good I could be a chef is this neurosurgery thing doesn't work out." "Because you're clearly struggling," Meredith rolled her eyes. "So making pancakes isn't the only thing I'm good at," he laughed. "Yeah, you apparently have that operating on brain things down." "It's easier than it sounds." "You probably shouldn't advertise that." "I only tell interns that I'm trying to persuade to join me on the dark side." "Neuro is the dark side?" "It is." "I figured plastics would be." "Plastics is for idiots," Derek laughed. "Of course it is," she giggled. "That explains the head of plastics." "So I assume you've tried to have a conversation with Dr. Sloan." "Tried," she rolled her eyes. "And I thought you were a pervert." "Did he try to get in your pants?" "That's one way of putting it." "I can imagine," Derek shook his head. "Just call him an ass." "I did," Meredith giggled. "Good girl," he laughed. "Mark must have loved that." "You talk like you really know him." "He's my best friend." "Seriously?" Meredith choked on her water. "Seriously," Derek laughed. "Oh...um..." she stammered. "I didn't...I mean...okay." "You didn't what?" "It's just...Sloan...your best friend. It doesn't make sense or whatever." "I know it doesn't," he nodded. "He's been my best friend as long as I can remember. He's...basically my brother." "So me calling him an idiot..." "Makes me like you a little bit more." "I called your brother an idiot and you like me more?" "He is an idiot," Derek shrugged. "Especially when you first meet him." "And then, what? He gets better?" "Well no...but he grows on you." "I'll take your word on that," Meredith nodded as her pancakes were settled in front of her. "I'll get him to stop hitting on you," Derek offered. "I can handle it," she shrugged. "And he's been better about it. Apparently he understands the meaning of the word no." "That's not actually what he understands." "It isn't?" "He knows I'm interested." "Oh," Meredith bit her lip. "So he's...I mean, he was hitting on me. I know he was. And you're..you're interested or whatever." "He hits on everyone," Derek shrugged. "I don't. And when I'm...interested, he backs off. I can't actually guarantee he'll behave himself but anything he does...it's entirely innocent." "Okay," she nodded. "Right. Pancakes." "How are they?" "Amazing," she smiled widely. "Good," he nodded. "How are your eggs?" "Great," he smiled. "Good," she mirrored his smile. "So...you went to Dartmouth." "I did," she nodded. "College and med school." "How'd you end up in Seattle? Entirely opposite side of the country." "Oh," Meredith looked down at her food. Not the question she had been expecting. At all. Definitely not what she had been expecting. "Um...family. Stuff. And Seattle Grace is the best program." "Makes sense," he nodded. "Yeah," she nodded. Crisis averted. "What about you? Are you...are you from Seattle?" "I was born in New York but moved to Seattle when I was 6," he nodded. "Went back to New York for college and med school." "And you ended up at Seattle Grace instead of staying in New York?" "Yeah," he nodded. "Wanted to come home...family is here and everything." "Makes sense," she echoed his earlier words. "New York was fun but Seattle is home." "It is," she nodded. "I, um...I was born here. Moved to Boston when I was six." "Why the move?" "My mom got a offer," Meredith sighed, deciding to tell only half the truth. "You do know who my mom is, right?" "I do," he nodded. "It was kind of big news around the hospital that you were going to be an intern." "Oh god," she groaned. "That's...I don't want that. I'm not her. I'm not even close to being her." "You have amazing potential." "It doesn't mean I'm anything like Ellis Grey." "It doesn't mean you have to be," he shrugged. "I'm pretty sure being Meredith Grey is good enough." "Yeah...I..." Meredith breathed, looking down at her watch. "Crap." "Is it nearly eight?" he sighed. "Yeah," she sighed, getting out her wallet. "Don't," he shook his head quickly. "I've got it." "You sure?" "I'm sure," he nodded. "Okay," she smiled. "Um...thanks." "No problem" he smiled. "You can get it next time." "Yeah," she nodded slowly. "Next time." "Next time," he echoed. "I'll see you at work. Bailey already knows you're with me again." "Okay," she smiled and then leaned forward, her lips hovering right over his cheek before she pulled back. "I'll see you at work." "This was nice, Mer," he breathed. "It was," she murmured. "See you at work," he nodded. "See you soon, Der," she nodded before fully standing and moving to leave. "Meredith..." he whispered, standing up and moving close to her. "Yeah?" she breathed, turning back towards him, suddenly feeling insanely...hopeful. "Bye," he murmured, ducking his head down to brush his lips against hers. "Bye," she breathed against his lips before her arms moved up and around his shoulders, her fingers lightly playing with the curls at the nape of his neck as she kissed him softly. He deepened the kiss sligtly, letting his hands run along her back before pulling away. "Bye." "Bye," she repeated, backing away from him, a small grin on her face as she started back towards her car. Something told her she was probably supposed to be freaking out. She had just kissed her boss. In public. On a kind of breakfast date where he had paid. She had kissed him. And she had wanted to. And she had liked it. And she was probably supposed to be freaking out. And she definitely wasn't. Some tiny part of her brain was running around in circles, screaming that this was a horribly bad idea but her lips were tingling too much from the contact to actually care to listen to that part of her brain. That had been...nice. Really nice. The talking and the eating and the kissing. It had all been incredibly nice and...entirely perfect. There's no turning back... Disclaimer: This update is entirely filler and entirely bright and shiny. Because right now the people who own the show have us all in a panic and nothing seems all that bright and shiny...so we, who wished we owned the show, figured you needed this. "Daddy!" Derek grinned as he heard his daughter run into the kitchen, her arms going quickly around him. "Daddy, is it time yet? Is it time?" "Not yet," Derek laughed, looking up to see his daughter wearing a tutu and a tiara. "What are you wearing?" "I'm like Angelina, Daddy," she grinned widely. "You are," he smiled. "Why?" "Cause I gotta be pwetty for school," Hannah nodded seriously. "You do," Derek nodded, just as seriously. "And you look very pretty, you're my little ballerina." "Yep," she grinned. "Your bestest balleina!" "My very bestest. But you can't wear that to school, honey." "How come?" "Tutus are for ballet." "And for school," Hannah shrugged. "Not for school," Derek shook his head. "But I gotta be pwetty, Daddy," she sighed dramatically. "Balleinas are the pwettiest!" "Ballerinas are very pretty," Derek agreed. "But you'll be pretty no matter what you wear." "But I wanna wear my tutu." "I know you do. But you can't." "But I wanna." "Hannah, it's your Halloween costume from last year. You know you can't wear it places." "But Uncle Monkey said I was gonna be the pwettiest girl there," Hannah crossed her arms. "And I gotta wear my tutu, Daddy. And my tiara. I'm a princess." "You are. And uncle Monkey is right, you are going to be the prettiest girl there. The prettiest girl doesn't need to wear a tutu." "How come?" "Because...tutus aren't for school," Derek sighed. "How come?" "They...aren't," Derek shrugged, smiling slightly. "Everyone else will be wearing pretty shirts and jeans." "But Uncle Monkey said I'm specialer than everyone else." "You are specialer than everyone else." "So I gotta wear a tutu and tiara." "No you don't. You can wear jeans a shirt and still look pretty special." "But, Daddy..." Hannah groaned. "Don't but Daddy me," Derek laughed. "I bought you those nice new jeans with pink buttons, don't you want to wear those?" "Nope. I wanna wear my tutu." "But you love your new jeans." "I do, Daddy," Hannah nodded. "I love my tutu too." "I know you do," Derek nodded. "You can wear your tutu when you get home. We're going to Grandma's for supper. You can wear it to grandma's." "Can I wear my jeans and my tutu?" "You can't wear your jeans your tutu," Derek shook his head. "How about you wear your jeans and your pretty ballerina shirt?" "And my tiara." "No tiara." "Yes tiara." "No tiara," Derek sighed. "It could get hurt at school." "It won't," Hannah shook her head. "I'll be real careful, Daddy. Promise." "You still can't wear it," Derek shook his head. "Daddy," she whined. "Uncle Monkey would let me." "Uncle Monkey is crazy and he's not your daddy." "Please, Daddy. Please. Please." "You're adorable but the answer is still no," Derek sighed. "How about you wear that really pretty hair clip Aunt Kathleen got you? It's sparkly like a tiara." "But then no one will know I'm special." "They will know." "How?" "How does everyone at Grandma's house know you're special?" "Cause I'm Hannah Banana," Hannah said proudly. "And I'm the smallest." "You won't be the smallest in your class," he grinned. "But you'll still be Hannah Banana." "What if they don't like me, Daddy?" "That's impossible." "I guess," she sighed, chewing on her bottom lip. "What are you thinking?" "I need my tiara." "No you don't," Derek shook his head. "Only non special little girls need a tiara to look special." "Really?" "Really," Derek nodded. "Okay," she sighed. "But if they don't like me it's your fault, Daddy." "Duly noted." "What's that, Daddy?" "It means I'll remember it." "Okay," she sighed. "Be right back, Daddy." She turned and ran upstairs, her hand holding her tiara in place. Derek sighed and turned back to the fridge, getting the orange juice out. He should have known that Hannah was going to do something ever so slightly crazy this morning. He had no idea where she got it from but all he could assume was that it had something to do with Mark. Mark had probably told her that wearing a tiara to school was a great idea. It was her first day at school. Her first day of going to school, of not being near him all day. He had gotten used to going to go visit her in the hospital nursery for the past five years, gotten used to her always being around. And now it was her first day of school. She was ecstatic, entirely excited. She had barely slept the night before. Of course, he hadn't slept much either. He was nervous. His mom and his sisters had warned him that he'd be less than thrilled at the idea of sending his tiny daughter off into the big bad schooling world and he had scoffed. He'd be fine. School was good and fun and she would love it and there was no reason to be nervous. Except for he definitely did feel nervous and he wasn't loving the idea of her growing up so quickly. She was his little girl. And while he knew it was bound to happen, he didn't like the idea of her growing up and not being his little girl anymore. This seemed like the first big step away from her being entirely dependent on him. He knew he was being ridiculous, and he knew that he should be entirely excited for her, but he just couldn't help but wonder if she was even ready for this. She was smart, entirely too smart for her own good half the time. And growing up in an entirely too big family had made her pretty social. It was hard to be shy when you had to compete with twenty some other people for attention. But school was big. School was entirely huge and it was hard for anyone. First days were hard. She didn't even seem nervous but she didn't know. He knew people would love her. From the second she had been born, people had fallen in love with her. Everyone at the hospital adored her. They had spoiled her from the second he had brought her in after two months paternity leave. And she was the most popular kid at daycare, even if she did hate it. So people would love her, and she would be fine. He just needed to relax. The pancakes were ready for whenever she made it back downstairs. He assumed she was currently looking at her tiny school bag and trying to figure out how to put the tutu inside it so that if she got to school and didn't feel special enough she could throw it on. That would be a Hannah thing to do. Because Hannah had grown up the center of attention, and she expected to be treated as such. He supposed that was partly his fault. She had been the center of his life since the second she had been born. Since the second she had been placed in his arms, nothing else had mattered. He spoiled her with attention, and the family spoiled her too. She was the baby, and everyone adored her. So for her to go somewhere no one knew she was a princess...he understood why she thought she needed a tiara. But she'd be fine. She was Hannah Banana. People liked making her the center of attention because somehow she had managed to be the center of attention without being a brat about it. He figured he had raised her right, at least so far and people would love her. She'd probably come home with tons of stories about new friends and new adventures and everything else. "Is it time now, Daddy?" Hannah asked as she came back in, dressed in her new jeans and her pink ballerina shirt, the sparkly hair clip in her hands. "Not quite yet," Derek grinned. "You have to eat your pancakes and I have to do your hair." "And then it will be time?" "Then it will be time," Derek nodded. "So eat." "Okay, Daddy," she nodded, stabbing her fork into her pancakes, eating them quickly. "Daddy, hair clippy." "Doing so," he laughed, walking up behind her. "Make it real pwetty." "I will," he promised, brushing his fingers through her curls. "You look really pretty." "I know, Daddy," she giggled. "Of course you do," he laughed. "Daddy, tell me 'gain. What's kinergarden?" "It's school, hun. It's kind of like day care, you'll do all the same things but there will be different kids to play with. And it's in a big building with a bunch of other kids that are older than you." "Like my cousins?" "Like your cousins," Derek nodded. "Some of them will actually be there." "In kinergarden?" "Nope, they're in bigger grades." "Oh," she nodded, reaching forward for her orange juice. "What if I don't like it, Daddy? Can I find you?" "You can't find me," he shook his head. "I'll be at home...and usually I'll be at work. We won't be in the same building anymore." "But what if something real big happens?" "Your teacher will have my phone number, Uncle Monkey's phone number and Grandma's phone number." "I don't know, Daddy," she sighed. "Are you gonna pick me up every day?" "I'm going to try," he nodded. "When I can't it will be Uncle Monkey or Grandma." "Okay," she sighed. "Someone will always be there to pick you up," Derek promised. "I know," she nodded. "But what about Lynn? And you and Tyler and Debbie and Uncle Monkey and Dr. Miranda?" "You can still come visit everyone," Derek smiled. "Will you miss me, Daddy?" "Like crazy. Will you miss me?" "Lots and lots and lots." "Good," Derek smiled, kissing her cheek quickly. "You're hair is done." "Is it real pwetty?' "It's very pretty." "Good," she smiled, putting her fork down. "All done." "Good," he nodded. "Which means it's time." "Time to go?" she stood up quickly on the chair, almost falling over. "Time to go," he laughed, grabbing her quickly. "And be careful." "I am," she nodded, grabbing her lunchbox off the table while Derek grabbed her back pack. "Let's go, Daddy!" "Let's go," Derek nodded. He grinned as he carried her out to the car, buckling her in quickly as she talked quickly, her excitement from earlier returning. "And then I'm gonna color and play play doh and make lots and lots of and lots of friends and Uncle Monkey said there'd be snack time and naptime but I don't have to take a nap cause cool people don't take naps, Uncle Monkey said." "You know you're not supposed to listen to him," Derek laughed. "Cool people listen to the teacher. And if the teacher says you take a nap, you take one." "But I don't like naps, Daddy." "I know you don't," he nodded. "If you don't want to sleep you don't have to. But at least lay down and act like you're sleeping." "But that's lying, Daddy. Lying's bad." "It's not lying," Derek shook his head. "Your teacher won't care if you sleep or not...that just you lay down and stay quiet." "Oh okay," Hannah sighed. "Uncle Monkey said there's lots of play time and story time and everything. But you gotta pick me up, Daddy. And then Uncle Monkey said he'd go for ice cream and everything. Cause it's my first day and that means I'm a real big girl!" "It does," Derek smiled. "I have today off work so I will definitely pick you up and then we can go get Uncle Monkey and all go out for ice cream. And maybe pizza." "Really?" "Really," Derek grinned. "Cheese pizza?" "Any kind of pizza you want." "Kay, Daddy," she nodded excitedly as they pulled up to the school. "It's big." "It is big," he nodded. "Are you okay?" "It's real big," she frowned, pushing her face up against the window. "I know," he whispered. "But it will be okay. I'm going to walk you to class." "What if I gotta go potty and I get lost?" "The teacher will take you, don't worry." "Okay," Hannah whispered. "But it's real big, Daddy. And there's lots and lots of people." "There are. But your class will be tiny." "What if it's not?" "It will be," he nodded. "You know when the entire family gets together? All the cousins and the aunts and uncles, everyone at Grandma's?" "Yeah." "It will be that many people. But everyone but the teacher will be your age." "That's good," she nodded as he moved around to unbuckle her and help her out of the car. "I'll make friends right, Daddy?" "You will definitely make friends. Lots of friends." "Lots and lots and lots," she grasped his hand tightly as they walked into the school, her tiny backpack making her look impossibly small. "You will," he whispered, squeezing her hand tightly. "You'll have fun and you'll be fine." "What if I don't?" "There is no don't." "Okay," she sighed, squeezing his hand again as they came closer to her classroom. "I wanna go home, Daddy." "You can't honey," Derek sighed. "Then I wanna go to the hopital." "You can't go there either," Derek shook his head, moving to crouch in front of his daughter. "You have to go to school." "But it's big," she murmured, throwing her arms around his neck. "I know it is," he breathed, hugging her tightly, fighting back the urge to cry and carry her out of here. "But it's okay." "I don't like it," she pouted. "I want Nana. Or fishing." "You will like it," he nodded. "It will be okay." "You will like it," he nodded. "It will be okay." "She is," Derek answered for his daughter, who was suddenly burrying her face in the crook of his neck. "It's okay," Mrs. Pruitt crouched down, smiling at Hannah. "My name is Rebecca. What's yours?" "I'm Hannah Shepherd," Hannah said quietly. "Hello, Hannah Shepherd," Mrs. Pruitt grinned. "I like your hair clip. It's very pretty." "Thank you," Hannah whispered. "Daddy wouldn't let me wear my tiara." "Silly Daddy," Mrs. Pruitt smiled at Derek. "Do you like to color, Hannah?' "Yes," Hannah nodded. "Well, we have a table over there," Mrs. Pruitt pointed to where a few kids were coloring. "And you can color any picture you want for Daddy." "Hannah, you should go color," Derek nodded. Hannah pulled back slowly, looking into the classroom where the kids were coloring and then grinned. "Look, Daddy, a dollhouse!" "There is," Derek smiled. "See Hannah Banana, you'll have fun." "Bye, Daddy!" she grinned, kissing his cheek quickly before running to the dollhouse. "Bye Hannah, love you too," Derek sighed, shaking his head. "She'll be okay, Mr. Shepherd," Mrs. Pruitt smiled. "She seems very happy." "Dr. Shepherd," Derek corrected. "And she's a happy kid. She's used to playing with a lot of others." "It looks like she may have already made a friend," the teacher nodded towards where Hannah was talking animatedly to another girl playing with the dollhouse. "Good," Derek smiled. "I don't have to worry as much." "Of course you don't," Mrs. Pruitt nodded. "And we'll see you later, Dr. Shepherd." "I'll be here to pick her up," Derek nodded. "Nice meeting you." "Nice meeting you as well," she smiled. "And if you'll excuse me, I have a fight over a toy truck to settle." She ran off towards the corner of the room, leaving Derek to watch his daughter. She looked happy, she looked like Hannah, all the nerves of minutes before completely gone. He just wished his would go away. She was fine, she had made a friend in the span of five seconds, she'd be happy and would probably babble on for hours about how great her day had been and all of her new friends. She would love school. She would have a great day. He ran his hands through his hair as he leaned against the door. She was his little girl. And she was happy and entirely excited again about going to school. He wanted to leave, he wanted to let her be happy entirely by herself. He just couldn't ignore the ache in his heart that once he walked out of this room, he'd spend the day entirely alone, without his amazing daughter. Like the wind, the years go by. Disclaimer: Alicia and Katie are giving the people who actually own Grey's Anatomy a good yelling at on the blog because as much as we're holding onto hope...we are a teeny bit scared. So yes, yelling. If we owned the show...we wouldn't be. She had been happy. He had gotten to the school to get her and he was quite certain that between the time she had seen him and the second she gone to bed she hadn't stopped to actually breathe at any point. She just kept talking and talking and talking about her day, about everyone in her class, about her teacher, about all the cool toys they had. It was like a surgery high or something. He was actually amazed she had managed to fall asleep at any point, or stay asleep for that matter. He wasn't entirely sure about the staying asleep part, as she had been in his room at five-thirty, asking him if it was time to get up and go to school yet. Hannah loved school. She entirely loved it. He was glad she loved it, extremely glad, but there were still tears pricking the corner of his eyes. He missed her. He'd never admit it outloud but he missed her. Not having her to go visit the day before had been hell. He had felt lost without having his daughter. And he had hated not knowing how she was. It was nice being able to head down to the nursery and say hi, see how she was. Yesterday his head had been full of questions about her instead of questions about his surgery. His mom swore it was normal. His sisters promised him it would go away at some point, that he'd be thankful she was in school, and he would dread the holidays. But he couldn't stop worrying about her. When she was at the hospital, he had a basic idea of where she was and what she was doing. And if he worried, he could check on her. Now though, he was almost expecting a call on his cell informing him she had snuck out of class or something. It had been a hell of a day to get through and he wasn't sure today was going to get any easier, or if it ever was going to get better. It had been a long day. Even worse, it had been a long day with O'Malley as his intern. O'Malley wasn't distracting and he wasn't all that fun to work with. It had been long, really long and tedious and he would have killed for a distraction. Of course, he had been getting the strangest feeling he was being stalked. Watched, at first, but definitely stalked now. Not that he minded being stalked by the petite blonde who was trying to hide behind a chart as she watched him, biting her lower lip. She had been following him all day. Well, not all day. He had been in surgery, and she had run labs. But when they were both free, she was following him. "I'm heading to an on call room for a nap before my next surgery," he murmured, walking up close to her. "You can follow me there if you want." "You're an idiot," she rolled her eyes. "And I'm not...you weren't here yesterday." "I wasn't here yesterday," he smirked. "Miss me?" "I...no," she shook her head quickly. "But you weren't here and I...and now you look...definitely didn't miss you." "Now I look what?" he asked, moving on to walk, knowing that she would follow. "Not...Dereky," she said, moving to walk next to him. "I don't look Dereky?" "No...yeah...you just look," she bit her lip, "sad or worried or something. And you were missing so I figured...I thought something bad..." "You were worried," he said slowly, smiling softly at her. "I...maybe." "Hmmm..." he nodded. "Nothing to worry about. Just...stuff but not bad stuff." "Not bad stuff is good." "It is," he smiled. "You look very Meredithy." "Meredithy?" "Meredithy," he nodded. "Cute and avoiding." "I'm not avoiding anything," Meredith shook her head quickly. "You've been following me all day," he pointed out. "And you won't admit you missed me." "Okay, a, you've been following me for weeks, b, I haven't been following you and c, I didn't miss you. I was concerned. About a colleague." "Really? Because Mark wasn't here a couple of days ago and I didn't hear you concerned." "I figured he was screwing a nurse. And he didn't look all worry and sad and checking his phone every two minutes. Not that that's new or anything. You're always on your phone, probably playing Tetris but trying to look all busy and hot and...anyway...I was concerned. About a colleague." "I look hot when I play on my phone?" She stared at him for a second, shaking her head slowly. "Not the point." "I think it might be," he grinned. "If I had known you liked it I would have done it more often." "I don't think you could do it anymore." "Do you pay that much attention to what I do?" "No," she shook her head quickly. "Definitely not. I just...you...phone all the time. Everyone notices it. They probably think you have a secret lover or something that you're always talking to. Which is just...anyway, phone all the time. Not that I notice. Other people notice. I don't." "Do you think I have a secret lover? Are you jealous?" "Why would I be jealous?" "Because you want to my secret lover." "You're an ass. And my boss. So no...I don't want you to be my secret lover." "Of course not," he smirked. "I don't," she said firmly. "No secret lovers. Well, we can't be secret lovers. I can have a secret lover and you can have a secret lover, just we can't be secret lovers. With each other." "No, I don't think you should have a secret lover," he shook his head. "Why not?" "I'd be jealous," he shrugged. "And I'd have to hurt him." "I thought you didn't get jealous," she smirked. "Maybe I do when it comes to you." "You love being cheesy don't you?" "You love it too," he smiled. "I really don't. It's sad. And pathetic." "Which explains why you're still following me." "I'm not following you. I'm walking down a hallway." "Oh okay," he nodded. "Where are you going?" "Um...I don't..." she bit her lip, frowning for a second. "Patient." "What patient?" "Just...a patient. With health problems." "What kind of health problems?" "Um....bad ones." "Vague," he nodded. "But true." "Who are you with today?" "Oh, um...I was with Montgomery," she nodded as he opened a door to an on call room and she walked in. "I'll have to ask her about the vaguely ill patient," Derek smiled. "Fine. There's not patient. I'm running labs. Happy?" "In an on call room?" he smirked. "I could leave." "Don't," he shook his head. "I probably should," she sighed "Definitely don't," he shook his head. "I did miss you yesterday." "You missed me?" "I did," he grinned. "Oh," she sighed. "I...I was with Sloan. He was...off and weird and...I missed you too." "Mark was off?" "Yeah," she nodded, leaning against the desk. "He was...I don't know. He just seemed off and sad or something." "Don't worry about him either," Derek shook his head. "I wasn't," she shrugged. "He hit on me. Again." "I told you I can make him stop." "It's fine. I can handle him." "I'm sure you can." "He's just a cocky arrogant ass. I can handle cocky arrogant asses." "You can," he nodded. "Yeah," she sighed, smiling slightly at him. "And you missed me," he breathed. "I missed you," she blushed, looking down a the floor. "Good," he smiled. "That's...really good." "Yeah," she murmured. "I'm glad you did," he grinned. "Makes me think you do like the flirting." "I never said I liked the flirting." "You don't have to." "Good, because I don't," she smiled coyly. "Which explains why you missed me." "Maybe I missed the surgeries." "You were with Sloan yesterday. Even if I had been here you wouldn't have had the surgeries." "Or maybe Bailey would have assigned me to you." "She might have," he nodded, taking a step toward her. "But you had no idea if she would." "So I missed...the surgeries," she breathed as he moved closer to her. "The surgeries," he nodded. "Not me?" "Definitely not you," she whispered, moving forward slightly. "I definitely missed you," he murmured. "So you said." "Well it's true," he whispered. "I miss your annoyance." "I'm annoying?" "No," he laughed breathlessly. "I missed how you are when you're annoyed...because I'm annoying." "You are annoying," she giggled, her hand moving to his curls. "I know," he smiled softly, lowering his head slightly, letting a hand travel to rest on her back. "Very annoying," she breathed, her lips brushing gently across his. "Glad I know I annoy you," he nodded, pulling her clothes and gently kissing her. "Completely," she breathed, her hands tugging at his curls as he pushed her against the desk slightly. "Hmmm...." he groaned, deepening the kiss as he pushed her a little bit harder into the desk. "Derek," she gasped, her hands moving down to the hem of his scrub top. "Mer..." he murmured, letting her pull his shirt over him, before reaching over to drag her shirt off. She pulled back as he pulled her shirt off and then quickly untied his scrub pants, pushing them over his hips as she kissed him hard. He groaned into her mouth as she wrapped her hand over his erection, his hands moving down to her own scrub pants as he pushed her harder into the desk. "Der," she moaned loudly. "Oh...hell....Mer...." he groaned, rocking his hips into her hands as he moved to tug at her scrub pants, cursing under his breath as the knot got stuck. He tried again and managed it through shakey hands. "Door...the door," she gasped as he leaned down to bite at her neck, sucking at the skin. "Derek...door..." "Door?" he asked and then nodded, and quickly pulled away, locking the door before going back to her and pulling her hard against him. "Oh Mer." "I...take me for a ride, Derek," she murmured in his ear, giggling slightly. "Cheesy...I know but...god..." "I love cheesy," he laughed breathlessly, his hands moving to her ass to pull her close. "I know," she nodded, kissing him hard just as he lifted her up and over his erection, thrusting into her before pulling out again. "Der," she moaned, biting down on his lip. "Oh fuck," he gasped, thrusting into her again. "Good...you're....oh god." "Oh god," she gasped, her fingernails digging into his skin as he rocked into her, the desk moving slightly against the wall. "Derek...god!" "Mer...hell...oh Meredith," he groaned, his head falling onto her shoulder. "Mer..." She held onto his back tightly as he thrusted harder and faster into her, both of them gasping for breath as their bodies began to shake. "Derek...oh...shit," she whispered. "Mer....Mer....oh....Mer," he murmured, squeezing his eyes shut. "Fuck, Derek," she gasped as her body trembled around him, her head falling back as she let out the smallest of screams. "Mer..." he grunted, his own body shuddering in release as he spilled into her. "Oh god," she panted. "Oh god." "Mer...that....oh," he breathed, pressing his forehead into hers. "Oh god," she repeated over and over, her chest heaving against his. "Wow," he murmured, holding her close to him. "Just...wow." "Definitely...we...god." "That was...just...wow," he whispered. "Wow." "We just...you just...I just..." Meredith stammered, her body still shaking. "Did we..." "Yes, that was sex, Mer," Derek nodded, laughing breathlessly. "Mind blowing sex." "You're...god." "Thanks," he laughed. "And we just...in an on call room." "In an on call room," he nodded. "I've never...I don't have sex in on call rooms." "I haven't...obviously," she sighed. "But that was...we just...do you think anyone heard us?" "I hope not," he grimaced slightly. "We just..." she shook her head quickly. "I just screwed my boss in an on call room." "Don't freak out," he sighed. "Please...please don't freak out. That was...please don't freak out." "I just...if anyone finds out...no one can find out." "I won't tell anyone," he shook his head quickly. "Just...don't freak out." "I'm not freaking out," she shook her head. "I'm not. We had sex. It was...great sex. Really, really great sex. But it can't...I mean we probably shouldn't...again." "Seriously?" he frowned. "Seriously," she sighed. "We...I mean, it was great. Amazing. Really great. And...we can't...again. At the hospital. If you wanted...I mean, at my house. Or your place. But not in on call rooms. Again." "Oh," he smiled. "So you want to...again?" "Only if...do you?" "Definitely," he nodded quickly. "But we're not dating," she said quickly. "We're not?" he frowned. "No," she said firmly. "We're definitely not dating. Not dating. No. We're...sex only." "But...why?" "Because...we're not." "Okay...why?" "You seriously have to be one of those guys?" she groaned. "No," he shook his head. "Just...I could use a reason because I want more." "I know you do," she sighed, reaching for her shirt. "I know but...I don't...I don't date. Or whatever. And you're my boss." "You could date." "I don't date." "But you could date. Me." "We're not dating. Sex only." "Sex only." "Sex only," she confirmed. "I don't actually do sex only." "Oh," she bit her lip. "Mer..." he sighed. "I...there's....fine." "What?" she asked, pulling her scrub pants back up. "Sex only," he nodded. "But you don't..." "Yeah, I don't. But...you, yeah," he nodded. "I...I want to be with you. And until you can figure out that you want to be with me, your boss, too...I can do sex only." "Okay," she sighed. "Okay."



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:05 PM Post #5
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Okay," he nodded, pulling her close and kissing her quickly. "Sex only," she murmured against his lips. "I know," he sighed. "For now." "Hmmm," she nodded, kissing him deeply just as her pager went off on her hip. "Crap." "Go," he nodded, kissing her quickly. "I'll see you later." "Bye, Der," she sighed, kissing him quickly before turning and leaving. They had had sex. He wasn't this guy, Mark was this guy but he never did the sleeping with random people in on call rooms. Not that Meredith was random. Meredith was amazing and they had sex. It had been amazing sex. And now she wanted only sex, just sex. He had never actually done just sex, and he certainly hadn't done it since Hannah. But Meredith didn't know about Hannah. For a moment, he had considered telling her. He had considered saying he couldn't have sex only because he had a five year old who expected her daddy home every night, who deserved someone in her life who wanted her and loved her. But he had figured that would only make this worse, and she would take sex only off the table. He wanted to be with her, needed to be with her, and he would take whatever he could get at this point. And eventually he had to tell her. He had no idea if she was going to take it. He had no clue how someone who didn't even date under normal circumstances was going to take him having a daughter that was his world. Hannah came first. And he couldn't just keep having sex with her with nothing come of it. It wasn't fair to Hannah. It wasn't fair to him. He sighed as he pulled his clothes on and fell onto the bed, rubbing his hands over his face. He wanted more with her. He had never felt this kind of overpowering need to be with a woman, not once. But he couldn't wait forever. He couldn't put himself through that when he had Hannah to worry about. Meredith would have to decide what she wanted, she would have to come to terms with whatever Katie says: this was. Ish says: For now he'd give her the time to figure it out. He wasn't going to push. He certainly wasn't going to push until she found out about Hannah. Because whatever she chose, Hannah had to be part of that decision. Hannah had to be part of the defintion of what they were. So he'd give her time to adjust to all of this and then he wanted an answer. Because he wanted it all. You don't have to die to leave my world, stand still and you've departed Disclaimer: There is an actual possibility that the writers will go on strike...it's a tiny one but it's there. And if they do, it will suck. But we won't go on strike. Promise. See...aren't you happy we don't own the show? Meredith stared at the glass of lemonade in front of her as her younger sister talked on and on about some class she was taking. And the professor. And the other people in the class. And how challenging the class was. At least, that's what Meredith thought her sister was talking about. It had been what she was talking about ten minutes before, but things might have changed. She was trying to listen. She was trying to be the good big sister and listen to whatever it was that her little sister was talking about. But she had slept with Derek. She had slept with him in an on call room and then in his office. Even though she said it was never going to happen at work again it had definitely happened at work again. And she didn't know what exactly to do now. She wanted to have sex with him again, that much she knew. He was good at it. Really, really good at it and the way he looked at her...yeah, it was amazing. But she had no idea what to do now. He was her boss. She was sleeping with her boss. It was kind of a big deal. A really big deal. And probably really bad. But she couldn't think about that now. Lexie. Lexie was talking. "And then my teacher started singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow in the middle of class," Lexie smiled widely. "Right...rainbow..." Meredith nodded, taking a bite of her sandwich. "In my other class the teacher figured we'd learn better about anatomy if we were naked so he had us all strip down and feel each other up." "That's great, Lexie," Meredith sighed, trying to get the image of Derek naked out of her head. "You're not listening." "What? Yes. I'm listening. Class. Rainbows." "Meredith, I just told you we all stripped down and felt each other up and you said it was great," Lexie pointed out. "You...what?" Meredith snapped her head up. "I said that we got naked and felt each other up and you said great." "I'm guessing that's not great." "You're guessing? Mer, what is it?" "What's what? Nothing's up. I didn't do anything. Or anyone." "Or anyone?" "Get your mind out of the gutter." "You're the one that said anyone. And I know you. When you say something like that it's always for a reason." "I slept with my boss. Twice." "You slept with Derek?" "Twice." "Wow, Mer," Lexie grinned. "Was he good?" "Amazing," Meredith groaned and then frowned. "Not that that's important. It's not. Not important at all. Because, well...yeah. Slept with my boss. Twice." "The fact he was amazing is usually the most important." "He's my boss." "Yes." "And I slept with him. Twice. In the hospital." "You did," Lexie nodded slowly, grinning. "And it was amazing." "It was," Meredith sighed. "Completely amazing. He does this thing...he bends me over his desk and...okay, not the point. The bending over the desk thing is not the point of the conversation. Not that it isn't completely amazing, it is. It's the best...okay, again. Boss. Sex. Twice. During work." "I'm missing the problem." "I can't have amazing bend over the desk sex at work with my boss." "Why not?" "Because he's my boss." "And you like him," Lexie grinned. "It's great." "I don't know if I like him," Meredith sighed. "You don't know?" "I...I don't know," Meredith nodded. "Or I do but...he wants more. Or something. And I don't..." "Wants more?" "More. Relationship more." "And that's...bad?" "Yes, Lexie, that's bad. That's really, really bad. I don't do relationships. At all. Definitely don't do relationships. I don't date. And I especially don't date my boss." "But Mer, I get that in the past things have been...hard and stuff. But...if you like him, you should give it a go." "He's my boss, Lexie." "That's a detail," Lexie shrugged. "If you really like him...you should over look that." "I can't, Lexie," Meredith shook her head. "And yeah...I like him. I think. I think I like him but it's big and scary and I can't date him. I don't date." "But you could." "No, I really couldn't. I really, really couldn't. I don't date. I've never...the point is, I don't date. And I couldn't date him. So now we're doing this sex only thing which is...well it's nice but he wants more and it's not fair. Because he doesn't get...I don't know if I'll be able to give him more and it's not fair. So yeah...not fair and...but I can't." "Meredith...minus the whole boss thing, why exactly can you not date him? What is with the not dating thing?" "I don't...I just don't date," Meredith shrugged. "Why?" "Because I...I don't. I never have and I just...I can't." "Why?" "Because I'm...I'm a busy intern. And I have my mom to deal with. I have issues. Lots of issues." "Busy people date all the time," Lexie shrugged. "I'm in med school and I would kill to date." "Lexie...seriously...just leave it." "No," Lexie shook her head. "You're my sister, I love you. And I want you to be happy. Derek could make you happy so no I'm not going to leave it. I wnat to know why you don't date." "Because I don't," Meredith shrugged. "No reason. I just don't. I'm not that type of girl." "Stop being Meredithy and talk." "It's...awkward." "You have to talk to someone," Lexie shrugged. "Right, because that someone should be my half-sister. My half-sister who had my dad and is relatively healthy. Besides that whole dorkiness thing. And the wide-eyed thing. But yeah...awkward." "So it's the dad thing isn't it?" "I guess." "Talk. I know it's awkward but who else are you going to talk to?" "I don’t need to talk. There's nothing to talk about. Thatcher left when I was five. He got you and Molly. And then he died right before I tried to make contact. That's it." "Meredith..." "What?" "If you can't be with Derek because of this it's something to talk about." "Lex, really, I'm fine. Good. Great. It's the daddy issue thing. Whatever. And he's my boss. Which is kind of more important than the dad thing. Which isn't even that big of a deal. Because Thatcher is dead. So really...not that big of a deal. I mean, well, his death is. That's a big deal. Cause he was your dad and he's dead but...the dad issue? Kind of a moot point or whatever." "No it's not," Lexie shook her head. "Yeah, it is." "Fine, don't talk," Lexie sighed. "But you can't keep letting what Dad did hurt your future." "I'm not," Meredith shook her head. "Lexie, I'm a surgical intern. And my mom has Alzheimer's. And my dad or ex-dad or whatever died. And I'm a surgical intern. I'm kind of really busy and...he doesn't need that. Derek. He doesn't need all that crap. He's bright and shiny and a morning person. I'm not. I'm not a morning person. Or...he doesn't need it. It's not about Thatcher." "How about you let him choose what he needs." "I don't know," Meredith groaned. "He's…him. And I'm...me. And I don't date. So I should probably end it. Right? I should end it." "Definitely not," Lexie shook her head. "I should," Meredith sighed. "I really should. I mean...he deserves more. More than just...sex. Even if it is really, really great sex." "And you're sure your never going to be able to give him more?" Lexe asked quietly. "I...I don't know." "Don't end it," Lexie shook her head. "Just...give it time." "What if...what if I can't?" Meredith sighed. "Seriously, Lexie. What if I can't give him...more. Or don't want to. I should end it. It's not fair to him." "Does he know where you stand right now?" Lexie asked. "He knows I don't date." "And he knows it's just sex?" "Yeah. He said...he said he'd wait. Which isn't fair. To him. Because maybe...maybe there's nothing to wait for. Maybe it will always be just sex. Which will make me the slutty intern screwing an attending. I have to end it." "Don't end it because of maybes," Lexie sighed. "He knows where you stand, you know where he stands. Just give it time to see where it goes. And if it doesn't change...than end it." "No, I really should just end it. I mean, just clean break. End it. Because sex with my boss is really bad anyway. Well, not the sex. The boss part." "Do you really want to do that?" "I...I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "I hate this. He's my boss. And I don't date. And he's incredibly...perfect. And honest. And great. And really good in bed." "You like him, Mer. Let that be enough for now." "Yeah…maybe. And the sex is really good." "Are you really considering giving up really good sex?" "I should." "No one should give up really good sex." "You have a point." "I always have a point." "Yeah, it's kind of annoying." "You love me." "Doesn't mean you're not annoying." "Yeah yeah," Lexie rolled her eyes. "I'm guessing you really didn't strip down in class and feel each other up?" "I don't know what kind of med school you went to, but no." "Just making sure," Meredith giggled. "Just needed to make sure you weren't listening," Lexie sighed. "Which I don't actually blame you for. If I was thinking of having sex I wouldn't be listening." "I wasn't thinking of having sex." "Of course not." "I was thinking of how bad it was to have great sex on a desk at work." "You had sex on a desk?" "I told you. He bent me over his desk." "Sorry. Trying to ignore the parts that make me jealous." "You're jealous that I'm having hot sex on a desk?" "Yeah." "It is really great by the way. Sex on a desk." "Well if you don't want it, I'll take it." "Seriously, Lexie. I'll kill you. And him. Hands off." "Well that says more than this entire conversation has." "What do you mean?" "I made a joke about sleeping with him and you're ready to kill me." "Because you're my little sister. And he's...my...boss I'm screwing." "Or because it's more than screwing." "It's not more than screwing, Lexie." "Sure it's not." "Seriously...kind of annoying." "Oh I love being right." "Why do I even waste my time talking to you?" "Because I'm your little sister and you love me and I let you use my room to sleep." "Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Give Derek a chance, Mer." "I'm screwing him. Which I shouldn't be doing. So that's a chance." "A real chance." "To do what?" "Be with him. Him be with you. Be happy." "I...maybe. We'll see. Right now, it's just sex." "Fine," Lexie sighed. "Fine," Meredith sighed. "Okay...no more about me. Or my great sex." "Why not?" "Because...something has to be going on with you. Talk." "Nothing is going on with me," Lexie shrugged. "Med school is hell but you know that. And I could definitely use some hot sex." "What happened to that guy...Jeff?" "He's a guy," Lexie sighed. "Apparently he doesn't want to get serious about any one girl." "I miss those guys," Meredith sighed. "You're odd." "You're the one who can't have sex unless you're in a relationship." "I don't see how that makes me odd," Lexie laughed. "You're the one that has an amazing guy and all you want is sex." "Okay a, you don't know if he's amazing and b," Meredith groaned as her pager went off. "And b...he just paged me for sex." "He just paged you for sex?" Lexie giggled. "Yes," Meredith nodded. "That's weird, right? I mean...paging for sex. That's...weird and dirty and...I should end it." "It's hot and dirty. Go." "Definitely going," Meredith nodded, standing up. "And then I'm ending it. After the hot dirty sex." "Don't be an idiot." "I'm not being an idiot." "You are if you end it." "Lexie. Boss. Sex. Paging for sex. It's wrong and dirty and...I have to end it. I should end it." "Fine," Lexie nodded. "Go have sex with him. And if you can look him straight in the eye and end it after sex, do so." "I will," Meredith nodded firmly, grabbing her purse. "Call me and let me know how it goes. The ending it part, not the hot sex part." "I will," Meredith said. "See you, Lex." "Bye Mer," Lexie grinned. Meredith sighed as she ran down the stairs of Lexie's apartment building and towards her car. She was having sex with Derek. Her boss. And he had just paged her for sex. On her day off. He probably didn't remember it was her day off. But he had paged her. For sex. This was bad. Really bad. Well, good. Because orgasms were generally good and she was about to get an orgasm, but still, bad. She had to end it. It didn't actually matter how much she liked the sex. And she definitely really liked the sex. The sex was amazing and possibly the best sex she had ever had ever. And she had had her fair share. But Derek was definitely the best. But still she had to end it. She had to tell him she couldn't do this and walk away. Because she couldn't sleep with her boss and he deserved more. He wanted more. He wanted a relationship and dating and...he wasn't the kind of guy who did sex only. So he definitely deserved more. More than a busy intern with mommy issues and daddy issues. And probably some intimacy issues. He definitely deserved more. So she had to end it. And she would. After the sex. The really incredible sex that was about to happen. She got to the hospital quickly, with Lexie living so close and headed up to his office, hoping she didn't run into anyone. Because she was an intern with crazy work hours and she figured that being at the hospital on her one day off looked entirely suspicious and she had no idea how she would handle that if anyone caught her. She had to get there, end it and get out. She ran up the stairs, thankful for not seeing anyone. Because yeah...bad. She couldn't wait for the good sex. She'd walk in, end it, walk out. Simple as that. Definitely that simple. Ending it was best. "I'm supposed to be off you know," she stated as she walked into his office, closing the door behind her. "And yet here you are," he smirked. "Normal people don't come to hospitals on their days off," she sighed. "No one ever said you were normal." "Thanks, Der," she rolled her eyes. "And we said no more at the hospital." "I was lonely," he shrugged. "So you page me for sex every time you're lonely? Don't you have lives to save or something?" "Actually...I just finished saving a life. I'm on a high." "Oh," she smiled slightly. "So this is post-surgery sex." "If you want to call it that," he smiled. "We don't need to have sex, we could just grab lunch." "You paged me on my day off for lunch?" she frowned. "Or sex. It's up to you." "We should probably talk," she sighed as he got out of his chair and moved towards her, his post-surgery high smirk on his face. "No, I don't think so," he shook his head. "What?" "I don't want to talk," he murmured, brushing his hand over her cheek. "But we...I mean, we should and talking and..." "We can talk later," he breathed, brushing his lips across hers. "I'm on a high and I want sex." "Oh," she moaned into his mouth as he gently forced her mouth open with his tongue, demanding entry. His hands moved down to the hem of her shirt as he turned her against his desk and she gasped as his hands moved over her breasts. Later. She'd definitely end it later. Farewell peace of mind Kiss goodbye to reason Up is down The impossible occurs each day This intoxication thrills me I only pray it doesn't kill me Disclaimer: We are too sleepy to think of a good disclaimer. So all we will say is that Paddy is the sex. And if we owned the show we'd be currently having sex with the sex. And yeah, we're not. Life is unfair. The elevator was entirely empty. He was leaning on the back looking at the empty space in front of him and all he could think about was how good of place this would be to have sex with Meredith. In an elevator. Which was odd, because he wasn't generally a guy who planned to have sex on elevators with a girl he'd rather be dating. But he was. And he was entirely happy with it. Or would be if Hannah didn't exist. Not that he was spending his days wishing his amazing five year old daughter didn't exist. He wasn't. Hannah was the number one thing in his life, nothing came before her. Which was why this whole sex only thing wasn't completely and totally working. He was enjoying it, entirely enjoying having sex all over the hospital. But when there was a kid involved...it wasn't right. Before Hannah he would have gone for this in a heart beat. Because he liked Meredith a lot, he wanted to date Meredith and be with her more than anything. But he would have been perfectly happy had she just suggested sex all over the hospital. His heart wasn't broken. He was good with the sex. He just wasn't good with all the sex considering the fact he had someone else to consider. Meredith kept suggesting sex at her place, or sex at his place, and he kept having to make up excuses. Because he couldn't have Meredith over for random sex when Hannah slept in the next room. Not even Mark brought home the girls he was sleeping with. And he couldn't spend the night at her house. Hannah expected him to be home. And Hannah was his number one responsibility. He had to tell Meredith about her. He had to make it clear that it wasn't that he didn't want to bring her home, he just couldn't bring her home for sex only. And that it wasn't that he didn't want to spend the night with her, he just had somewhere else that he should be. And he needed something more than sex to be with her because he had a daughter to think about. He needed her to know. He just had a terrible feeling that the second he told her, she'd end this. She would walk away and he wouldn't ever see her again. Well, he would see her again, but not in the way he wanted to see her. So telling her was impossible. But she needed to know. He needed to find a way to tell her and then find a way to convince her not to freak out. It was adorable when she freaked out, but he needed to convince her Hannah was not a reason to freak out. Or maybe she was because the fact he had a five year old daughter at home that completely depended on him was a pretty big deal but not big enough to run. He wanted Meredith to give it a chance. To at leat meet Hannah and see what it could be like. Because he knew already that Meredith was someone he'd be willing to introduce into his daughter's life, if she gave him half the chance. So he had to tell her. He'd tell her today. At some point, he would tell her. He'd tell her about his adorable five year old daughter who went to ballet class and had ten friends and who had a stuffed monkey named Nanners who wore a tutu. And he'd tell her the entire story. Today. Definitely today. He just hoped and prayed she wouldn't freak out. The elevator stopped a floor early and she walked on, giving him a quick smile. He should tell her. They were alone on the elevator and it was probably the perfect time. Although springing it on her first thing in the morning seemed slightly cruel. He could always page her later and tell her than. Talk like she had wanted to. "Hey," he finally smiled. "Hey," she turned, smiling back at him. "You look awake this morning," he grinned. "I got a lot of sleep last night," she shrugged. "And coffee." "Coffee is good," he nodded. "Ready for a long day full of surgeries and...other things?" "Other things?" she raised an eyebrow. "Yes," he nodded. "On call room things." "Oh, those things," she grinned. "Yes, those things," he laughed. "The ones that involve screaming." "I don't scream," she giggled. "You're kind of loud," he grinned. "Not screaming loud," she rolled her eyes. "And you're kind of loud too." "I am not." "You are," she giggled. "I have no idea what you're talking about." "Of course you don't." "I really don't," he shook his head. "I think you're just so loud you're trying to blame me." "I'm not that loud." "You are." "Okay, fine, whatever. But it's your fault." "I know it's my fault," he winked. "That thing you did yesterday, you know...the tongue thing...not my fault I screamed." "I'll take complete credit for that scream," he laughed. "Of course you will," she giggled. "So I was thinking...my room mates are working tonight." "Oh," Derek cleared his throat. "I...family stuff" "Oh," she bit her lip. "After family stuff then?" "It will probably go late and I have an early surgery tomorrow," he sighed, mentally kicking himself. He hated lying to her. He completely hated lying to her when she entirely deserved to know the truth. "Oh," she nodded. "Okay. That's...I mean, it's fine. You don't have to and...it's fine." "Sorry," he murmured. "I want to say yes." "Don't worry about it," she shrugged. "I do," he sighed. "I would love to get you for a night so I could really show you how good I can be." "I know you're good," she murmured, moving closer to him. "I'm good too." "Oh I know," he grinned. "Do you?" she breathed, her hand moving in between them to gently stroke him through his jeans. "Mer..." he gasped, feeling his jeans immediately tighten at her light touch. "Supply closet," she whispered in his ear, taking her hand away quickly as the elevator pinged, coming to a stop. Supply closet would definitely not involve talking. And he definitely had to talk to her. Except for now he was too damn hard to think straight enough to even imagne talking to her, let alone operating. Besides there was a very good chance she was going to never talk to him after he told her the thruth so he figured he might as well have her one last time. "Coming?" she breathed, smirking slightly as she moved off the elevator. "Definitely," he nodded, following behind her. "Dr. Shepherd, could you help me find an extra intubation kit?" she asked as she led him towards the supply room, a small smile on her face. "Certainly, Dr. Grey," he nodded, lightly biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. She opened the door and pulled him inside, closing the door quickly before pushing him against the door as she kissed him hard, her hand moving back down to quickly undo his jeans, pushing them over his hips, his boxers following quickly. He gasped as she wrapped her hand over his erection, still kissing him hard. "Derek," she breathed, biting on his lip as she massaged him. "Oh god, Mer," he groaned, his hips rocking into her as she stroked him gently. "Quiet," she giggled breathlessly before lowering herself onto her knees, one hand still moving over him as she licked the head of his penis slowly. "Mer...what....you....what?" he asked. "You did that thing with your tongue," she murmured, gently running her fingernails up and down his shaft, "now it's my turn." "Oh god," he gasped. "Shhh," she murmured, running her tongue up and down the length of him, her hand moving to grasp at his balls. He groaned as his hands reached down to tug at her hair, his knees already shaking with anticipation. She took him into her mouth slowly, sucking at him as his hips rocked, trying to push himself further into her mouth. "Mer...you...oh..." he breathed, his voice sounding shaky as she pulled back against and flicked his head with her tongue. "Slow," she murmured, squeezing at his balls before leaning forward to run her teeth over him, his erection throbbing almost painfully as she took a little bit more of him into her mouth, one hand moving to hold his hips in place against the door. Her tongue swirled around him before she pulled back again and ran her tongue along the underside of the shaft. "Oh fuck," he groaned, feeling his knees shake harder. "No fucking," she breathed, taking him into her mouth again. He gasped as his hips rocked against her hand, forcing her to take even more of him into her mouth. He grasped at her hair, pulling at it as her tongue worked over him, his knees shaking violently along with his hips. He pushed her head against his rocking hips, gasping as his erection met the back of her throat, as she sucked hard. "Mer....oh god," he gasped, holding her head steadier as his body rocked into her. He felt everything else start to go numb as she sucked at him, alternating between hard and soft as he pushed himself further into her mouth. "Hmm," she murmured, the vibrations sending shivers up and down his spine as her hand worked at his balls. His knees started to shake violently, the rest of his body following as his orgasm built. "Come for me, Der," she murmured, sucking harder. "Mer..." he gasped, as his body shuddered in release as he spilled into her mouth. She swallowed eagerly and then sat back on her heels, wiping her mouth discreetly as she smiled up at him. "You okay?" "O...o...wow," he breathed. "Wow?" she giggled, standing and kissing him lightly. "Wow." "Hmmm," she smiled, kissing him again. "Wow." "There are other words in the English language, Derek." "Yeah...wow." "You're not having a stroke are you?" she laughed as she ran her hand over his curls. "Maybe," he laughed breathlessly, and shaking his head quickly. "Did you...that was...I've never...that was the best ever." "Seriously?" "Seriously." "I’m glad I could help," she grinned. "Yeah," he nodded. "I should probably go," she sighed. "Rounds." "I hate rounds," he frowned. "Me too," she nodded. "I'll go out first. Hand me...something to take out with me. Or can you move?" "I think I can move," he nodded, stepping away slightly. "I'll umm...lunch or something, I'll repay you." "Okay," she grinned, kissing him quickly. "See you, Der." "Yeah," he nodded. "See you." "You okay?" she asked, her hand on the handle of the door. "Perfect," he smiled. "Just...waiting for the brain to restart." "Okay," she giggled. "Page me." She turned and left the room, leaving him to lean against the wall, trying to form coherent thoughts. He hadn't been lying, that had been amazing. He hadn't actually remembered his last blow job all that well but he knew it hadn't been anything compare to that. She was gone and his head was still swimming, completely and totally swimming. He couldn't think about talking or cutting or doing anything else besides standing there and trying to regretfully return to earth. He had surgeries. He had patients. He had paperwork and budgets to plan. But he couldn't move. He could barely breathe. His brain was entirely misfiring right now, which was perfectly fine. He was good with the inability to think right now. Because if he actually thought, he'd realize that he didn't want to talk to her yet. He couldn't talk to her about Hannah yet. He needed to, he knew that, he just couldn't. 'Cause I know baby I know you're the nervous kind With so much going on in your mind Disclaimer: The blog was worthless. There are no clips to the episode. The people who own the show are really dropping the ball, aren’t they? That should be proof enough that we don’t own the show. Meredith was exhausted. And sore. But the sore was a sore in a good way, the sore that came from entirely dirty sex against a sink in the washroom. She figured she'd have bruises tomorrow from that, but the sex had been...amazing. Risky, completely risky, but amazing and fast. Apparently a way for both of them to get out frustrations over patients or something. And now she was sore and waiting for the elevator. She still had to actually end this. Because she was having a lot of fun and the sex was entirely amazing. But Derek definitely wanted more. He kept giving her looks, looks that said something entirely different about wanting to have sex with her. So she had to end it. Or something. Because recently something seemed a lot better than ending it, and she just wasn't sure exactly how to go about any of this. A part of her wanted more. A lot more. She liked him. He was funny, hilariously funny and...kind of perfect. And the sex was great. Amazingly great. She was supposed to end this, she needed to end this but ending it was...it was getting impossible. He was her boss, her incredibly perfect boss, and she probably shouldn't be wanting more from him. Of course, she probably shouldn't be sleeping with him. But now it was getting harder. He would ask her to grab lunch, or even just a coffee, and he'd give her a look. And she wanted to grab whatever he wanted and talk to him and giggle and all that stuff she never did with a guy and really had no idea how to do. But she wanted it with Derek. Derek, her boss, which made it entirely wrong even if she was the most bright and shiny person alive. She sighed as she moved into the elevator, leaning her head against the wall. She definitely couldn't be wanting more. More was bad. He gave her looks, amazing looks and he was her boss. It was wrong. Completely wrong. And yet...she was starting to thing more might be right. More might be okay. "Can I press the button?" she heard a tiny voice behind her. "Oh," Meredith frowned, turning around to find an adorable little girl with brown curly hair, smiling up at her. "Ummm...okay." "What number?" the little girl asked, stepping forward as the elevator doors closed. "Four please," Meredith smiled. "Me too!" the girl grinned, pressing the button eagerly. "Oh," Meredith nodded slowly, looking around the elevator that entirely empty besides the two of them and then looking at the girl who was obviously too young to be in a hospital alone. "Where's your mommy or your daddy?" The little girl shrugged as she looked up at the numbers. "Are you a doctor?" she asked after a second. "I am," Meredith nodded. "I never seened you before," the little girl said slowly. "What's your name?" "I'm Meredith. What's your name?" "Hannah," she smiled widely. "Have you seen my daddy, Mereith?" "Oh umm...I don't know. Who is your daddy?" Meredith asked. "He does hemistomies," Hannah grinned. "He does hemis...what?" "Hemistomies," Hannah nodded. "My daddy's real smart. So's my Uncle Monkey. Do you know where my Uncle Monkey is?" "You have an Uncle Monkey?" "Yep. He's the bestest. Well, my daddy's the bestest. Uncle Monkey is the next bestest." "Umm okay," Meredith nodded slowly. "I gotta find them," Hannah said. "I got a loose tooth, see?" She reached her finger up to her mouth to wiggle her tooth. "Oh wow," Meredith smiled. "Is that your first loose tooth?" "Yep. My very first one. Mrs. Pruitt said the tooth fairy will come and Nana said I gotta tell Daddy soon as I get to the hopital. So I gotta find Daddy and Uncle Monkey cause I got a loose tooth." "Okay," Meredith nodded, watching the doors as the elevator passed by the third floor. "I can help you find them." "Really?" Hannah grinned. "Good. Cause I been looking all over the place. Maybe Daddy's doing hemistomies." "Maybe," Meredith nodded. "And Uncle Monkey might have a sleepover cept it's not night time so he can't have a sleep over when it's still bright. Right, Mereith? He can't have sleep overs when the sun's still out. He's gotta wait for it to get dark and for the stars to come out. My nana says the stars come out to play cause it's real dark and I'm kinda scared of the dark so God sends out the stars so I'm not scared." "Oh umm.." Meredith stammered. Hannah was talking a lot. She was actually kind of rambling, but Meredith figured kids didn't ramble. Not that she had any idea. She didn't know kids, she had no idea about children unless it was in a doctor capacity. Or Laura. But Laura was a baby, not a little girl walking around the hospital alone. "Stars...night...yeah, that's good." "But Daddy buyed me a balleina night lite case I get scared when my curtains are closed at night. So now I have a balleina night lite. I like ballet. I go to ballet on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Daddy says I'm the very bestest balleina ever cept I think that's Angelina Balleina." "Oh," Meredith nodded. "I...you're probably really good. And if you have fun...fun is what matters." "I have lots and lots and lots of fun," Hannah nodded as the doors opened. "We're here! C'mon, Mereith!" She grabbed Meredith's hand and dragged her out of the elevator. "Coming," Meredith nodded, trying to keep up with the girl's pace. "We gotta find Daddy and Uncle Monkey," Hannah said. "I gotta tell Daddy about my loose tooth and the tooth fairy. But I can't tell him Nana gave me cookies. Daddy doesn't like when I eat lots of cookies cause cookies got lots of sugar. You won't tell him about my cookies right, Mereith?" "Of course not," Meredith nodded, looking around the hallways to see if anyone seemed to be looking for a little girl. Everyone was smiling at her. But no one was claiming her. "Good," Hannah grinned and then stopped by the nurse's station. "Hi, Tyler!" "Hi Hannah," Tyler smiled. "Looking for your daddy?" "Yep," Hannah nodded quickly. "I got a loose tooth, see?" Her hand went up to her mouth to show Tyler. "Wow!" Tyler grinned. "Your daddy is going to be happy. I think he just scrubbed out." "Did he do a hemistomies?" "Hannah?" another voice interrupted Tyler's answer. "Why aren't you in daycare?" "Daddy!" Hannah grinned, turning around to jump into Derek's arms. "I got a loose tooth!" "You do?" Derek smiled widely. "Let me see." "See?" Hannah opened her mouth wide, wiggling her top front tooth. "Wow," Derek grinned. "That's pretty cool, Hannah Banana." "I know," she giggled. "Nana said I gotta tell you soon as I get here. And the tooth fairy. Cause when my tooth falls the tooth fairy's gonna give me a whole dollar! Nana said." "Oh Nana said that, did she?" "Yep," Hannah nodded firmly. “A whole dollar!” "That's pretty cool," Derek nodded, finally tearing his eyes away from Hannah to look at Meredith finally. "Hi." “Daddy, that’s Mereith,” Hannah said before Meredith could say anything. “She’s my new friend. She’s a doctor like you. Mereith, this is my Daddy!” Meredith just stared at them. "Mer...I...this is my daughter, Hannah," Derek said quietly. Daughter. He had a daughter. He had a kid. A really cute kid who seemed to have a rambling problem. And he had never said a word. But he had a kid. She was sleeping with him and he wanted to date and he had a kid. A kid. This was...her boss had a kid. Which meant her boss probably had a wife or something. Because kids had moms and dads. So her boss was probably now her married boss. This was...bad. She had been sleeping with him, a lot of sleeping with him, every where in the hospital. And he could be married, there was a very real possibility that he was married. Or something. Even if he wasn't, he had a daughter. Derek was a dad, with a daughter that was right now clinging to him like he was her world. Which was sensible, as well, she was his daughter that he had never told her about. “Daddy, where’s Uncle Monkey?” Hannah asked. “I gotta tell him about my loose tooth!” "I think he's in surgery, honey," Derek sighed. "We'll have to tell him later." “He’s doing rhinopasties,” Hannah turned to Meredith. “He fixes people who look bad. He wants to fix Daddy’s nose but Daddy says no. If my nose was like Daddy’s nose I’d let Uncle Monkey fix it. But my nose isn’t like Daddy’s nose.” "Mark," Derek explained quietly. “Oh,” Meredith nodded. Of course. Mark. Mark Sloan was Uncle Monkey. And he fixed noses. But Hannah didn’t have Derek’s nose. She looked almost exactly like him, but she definitely didn’t have his nose. Which meant she had her mom’s nose. The mom Derek could still be married to. Or something. Because he had a kid. A kid who didn’t have his nose. A kid who looked exactly like him. "And young lady, you need to get back to daycare," Derek sighed before turning to Meredith and mouthing a quick sorry. "Meredith, come with us." “Yeah, Mereith, come with us!” Hannah nodded. “I left Nanners in daycare case Lynn thought I wasn’t coming back. But I was coming back. I can’t leave Nanners. Nanners would hate me forever and ever if I left her in daycare and didn’t come back. So you can see Nanners!” "Yes, come see Nanners," Derek smiled slightly, definitely pleading with her with his eyes. He was giving her that look. The McDreamy look. And apparently he had taught his daughter how to do it too because she was giving her the look too. And it was strange and weird but she nodded and followed behind Derek as Hannah rambled to him about school. School. So she was old enough to be in school. She was probably around five. Derek had a five year old daughter. A secret five year old. "You're going to ask for a doll house for Christmas now, aren't you?" Derek laughed gently. “Yep, a great big one!” Hannah grinned. “Not as big as our house but real big, Daddy. But Christmas isn’t for a real long time, Daddy. And I don’t have a dollhouse.” "No you don't," Derek shook his head. "Hence asking for one for Christmas." “I can’t have one now?” "I don't know, Han," Derek sighed. "That's a pretty gift just because." “But it’s real cool and I’ll keep my room clean and everything!” she insisted. “Mereith, do you like dollhouses? My school has one and it’s big and real cool and pwetty. And I want one real bad.” "Oh..umm..." Meredith mumbled. "Yeah...cool." “If I get one then you can come over and play,” Hannah smiled at Meredith. “Can’t she, Daddy? She’s my friend.” "Of course she can," Derek nodded. "If she wants to." “Mereith, you wanna play right?” "Maybe...I...maybe," Meredith nodded. Because she wasn't even sure exactly what the question had been because her head was swirling around and she wasn't quite sure it was possible to say no to the little girl with Derek's eyes. “Maybe means yes,” Hannah giggled. “Daddy, I think when I lose my tooth the tooth fairy should give me a dollhouse, not a whole dollar.” "Hannah Banana, the tooth fairy can't give you a dollhouse," Derek laughed. “Why not?” she laughed. Derek’s laugh. She definitely had Derek’s laugh. And Derek’s smile. And Derek’s eyes. "Because you put your tooth under your pillow and she takes it and put that dollar there instead. How would she put a dollhouse under your pillow?" “It wouldn’t fit,” Hannah pouted. "Exactly," Derek nodded. "But Santa could fit it under the tree." “But Santa’s not coming for a real long time, Daddy!” "It's not that long," Derek shook his head, smiling warmly at his daughter. "It's nearly October. And that's just two months." “October. That means Hallween!” "It does," Derek smiled. "Are you going to be a ballerina again?" “I’m gonna be pwincess balleina,” Hannah sighed. “Uncle Monkey said I should be a dead balleina but that’s sad and stupid, Daddy. Right?” "It's kind of a good idea, very creative. But a princess ballerina is an even better idea." “I think so too,” Hannah nodded. “Mereith, are you gonna be somethin’ for Hallween? You can trick or treat with me and Daddy and Uncle Monkey.” "Oh umm...oh," Meredith mumured. "I...uh...maybe." “And you can get lots and lots of candy,” Hannah smiled widely as they came to the nursery. “I like candy. Daddy won’t let me eat it all. Cause candy’s sugar. Do you like candy, Mereith?” "Candy...good," Meredith nodded. “Candy’s the bestest,” Hannah said. “Daddy, do I gotta go back to daycare? Can’t I stay with you, please?” "You can't, Han," Derek sighed, frowning slightly at his daughter. "I miss you though." “I’ll miss you too, Daddy,” Hannah sighed, hugging him tightly. “Love you mostest.” "I love you mostest too," Derek breathed into her hair. "I'll be done soon and we can go home." “Can we have hot dogs for dinner?” "Sure," Derek nodded. "But only if you eat some carrots too." “Fine,” she sighed dramatically. “Mereith, will you come see me sometimes? Please?” "Oh umm....sure, maybe...I...mean...maybe," Meredith answered. “Kay,” Hannah nodded. “Bye, Mereith.” "Bye Hannah," Meredith nodded. “Bye, Daddy!” Hannah exclaimed as Derek put her down and she ran back into daycare. Her brown curls bouncing behind her. Meredith sighed and leaned against the wall as Derek watched his daughter for a second. He looked entirely happy. He looked at her like she was his everything. Which...yeah it made sense. It did. Except normal people didn’t hide their everythings. "Come on," he sighed, pulling himself away from the door of the daycare. "I'm buying you a coffee." “No,” she shook her head. “It’s...I don’t need coffee. I’m fine. Work. I should...and you should work too. So you can go home and spend time with...with your daughter.” "I'm buying you a coffee because we need to talk," Derek sighed, grabbing her hand. “Derek...Dr. Shepherd, it’s fine.” "Meredith, we're talking," he groaned. "You're not actually getting an option here so you might as well stop trying to find one." “Fine,” she rolled her eyes, following him. He had a kid. A kid and now he was going to talk. Probably tell her he had a wife too. A wife and a kid. Or maybe an ex-wife and a kid. Either way, there was a kid. And it was kind of a big deal. Actually, a huge deal. And she had no idea how to deal with this. He ordered their coffees quickly and led her outside, where for once it wasn't raining. It was Seattle and it wasn't raining. "So I have a daughter," Derek sighed. “You don’t have to explain, Derek,” she shook her head. “I mean, I’m just the slutty intern you’ve been sleeping with. How does Hannah’s mom feel about that, by the way?” "I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel anything about that," Derek shrugged. "I haven't seen her in five years. I have no idea where she is." Okay, she hadn’t been expecting that. Not at all. “You...what?” "There's no mother in the picture," Derek shrugged. "Just me. And Mark. And my mom and sisters." “How can...she has a mom, Derek. Everyone has a mom.” "Actually, as Mark puts it, Hannah has an egg donor," Derek sighed, sitting down on a bench. "Sit down so we can actually talk about this." “Hannah has an egg donor,” she said slowly, sitting down next to him. "She does," Derek nodded slowly. "Her mother is a woman I dated casually during my residency. Her name's Liz." “Liz. And you dated her casually and now you have a kid.” "We had been together a couple of months and she found out she was pregnant. She didn't want her, she had no interest in having her. And me...I wanted a child. I had always wanted a child." “Okay,” Meredith nodded carefully, her head still swimming. "We were...done," Derek shrugged. "She wasn't a great love, I wasn't going to fall in love with her anytime soon. But there was Hannah. We talked. She agreed that she would give Hannah to me and I'd raise her alone." “Give her to you? What does that...what does that even mean? Give her to you?” "She signed over all her parental rights. For all technical purposes...Hannah doesn't have a mom." “She...she just signed some papers and that was it?” "That was it," Derek nodded. "Hannah is entirely mine. She can't come back, she can't do anything. When Hannah's older...if she wants to find her, I'll help. But...there's no ex-wife, no broken heart...definitely no current wife." “Oh,” Meredith breathed. "And I was going to tell you about her." “But you didn’t. You hid her from me. I mean, I guess we weren’t...we weren’t talking or anything. But you...she’s your daughter. And I didn’t...you didn’t tell me.” "I wasn't hiding her," Derek shook his head quickly. "I was...I protect her, I've spent the last five years of my life protecting her. And when I meet a woman, I don't tell her about Hannah until I know that it's serious, or that I want it to be. I was going to tell you. I was just looking for the right time." “You were looking for right time,” Meredith murmured, staring into her coffee cup. He wanted to be serious. He wanted to date her and be serious and he had a daughter. A daughter who didn’t have a mother. And he wanted to be serious. It was...insane. Completely insane and...he had a daughter. A five year old who talked a lot and who he protected and he wanted to be serious. "I know this is big, I get that," Derek nodded. "I have a daughter." “You have a daughter,” Meredith nodded. “You have a daughter who looks like you and kind of rambles. Well, maybe not. Maybe that’s how all kids act and I just don’t know it because I don’t do kids. I don’t get kids. I mean, I have a niece. But she’s...she’s a baby and they don’t talk. Babies. Don’t talk. And you have a daughter. And I...you have a daughter who doesn’t have a mom.” "She does ramble," Derek smiled slightly. "You two could have...odd conversations. And Mer...I'm...I'm not looking at you to be her mom. I mean...I just want you to give us a chance. And it is us. It's me and Hannah." “You and Hannah. You want me...and I...you have a daughter. You have a five year old daughter and I don’t...I mean...you have a daughter. And that’s kind of a really big deal. A really big huge deal and we’ve been...it’s kind of huge.” "I know," he sighed. "Understand why I didn't want this to be just sex?" “Because you have a daughter.” "Exactly. It's not just me I have to worry about." “You have a daughter,” she couldn’t stop saying it. Because a couple months ago he had been her boss. And then she had been sleeping with her boss. And now he was her boss with a kid. And she was sleeping with him. And he had to worry about his daughter. "You keep saying that," he nodded. "I had figured there'd be more rambling." “I just...you have a daughter.” "I know," he nodded. "What are you thinking?" “I don’t know,” she shook her head. “I’m thinking you have a daughter. I’m thinking I don’t even...I don’t talk to kids. I don’t...I’ve never wanted kids and you have a daughter. And I’ve been screwing you all over the hospital. And you have a daughter. And I don’t know. I don’t...I can’t do this. I can’t...I’m an intern. And you’re my boss. And you have a daughter.” "Meredith...forget about that boss and intern thing, we're past that," Derek said firmly, keeping his voice gentle. "You really don't do kids?" “I...I’ve never...I have a niece. And she’s a baby and I hold her sometimes but...the only time I even talk to kids is when they’re hurt and I’m fixing them and I...I don’t....I’ve never done kids. I don’t even think I want kids. Which is...” "Makes this even harder," he said quietly. “Yeah. And you like kids. And you want kids. And you have a kid and I don’t do kids and...she deserves someone who wants kids.” "She does," Derek nodded. "But...you just...do you not like kids? Or do you just not know kids? Because there's a difference." “I don’t know,” Meredith sighed. “They seem...I mean I like them when I’m taking care of them here. But...I don’t know. I’d probably screw up a kid beyond belief.” "You wouldn't," Derek shook his head. "I've seen you with enough patients...you'd be good." “Derek...no,” she shook her head. “You don’t...I’m dark and twisty. Like...my dad and my mom and...I’d screw up kids. Really bad. And I...I never wanted kids. And you have a daughter.” "Give her a chance, Mer," Derek sighed. “Derek I...” she shook her head. “I’m sorry.” "Meredith...I like you. A lot." “I know,” she whispered. "I know the fact I have a daughter is big and scary," he whispered. "I get that, I do. I'm just asking for a chance here." “I can’t.” "Why?" “I just...you have a daughter. And I don’t...I can’t...I’m sorry.” "So am I," he murmured. “I do...you’re...and she’s...but I...” Meredith bit her lower lip and stood. “I’m sorry.” "Mer..." “What?” "Don't do this." “I can’t be her mom.” "I'm not asking you to be her mom. I'm asking for a few dates to see where this goes." “I don’t think I can.” "Okay," he nodded. “I’m sorry,” she breathed, looking around quickly before leaning forward and kissing him. "I'm not giving up, Mer," he whispered against her lips. “You really should,” she murmured. "I can't." “You have a daughter,” she sighed, kissing him again before pulling away. “I’ll see you later, Dr. Shepherd.” "See you, Dr. Grey," he nodded. She turned and walked away, her chest hurting a little. She didn’t know why it was hurting, or why she was trying to fight back tears. He had a kid. A kid whose mother had left her. And Hannah was cute, she was adorable, but she deserved someone who wanted kids. And Meredith wasn’t...he had a kid. And she didn’t know how to deal with that. “This is the day when everything changes…”



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:06 PM Post #6
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: Fanfics rock. They really do. Because we haven't really gotten what we want Mer/Der wise since Season 1 so fanfics are amazing to turn to. If we owned the show, which we would fully support fanfics, we'd hope to god people wouldn't have to turn to them. Well unless they're a Gizzie fan...as we don't do that shit. Daughter. Daughter. Daughter. The word had been playing on repeat in her head for the past two days. Derek had a daughter. The man she had been nearly willing to date had an entirely adorable five year old daughter that had his eyes and his hair and from all she could see, his personality. She was adorable. Derek's daughter was adorable. And made everything far too hard to think about. She had been trying to think about other things. About work. About her friends. Her mom. Anyone but Derek and his daughter. Daughter. The daughter without a mother. A daughter. She couldn’t wrap her mind around that. Derek was a dad. She didn’t know why it surprised her so much. She had seen him with kid patients before, he was good with them. But he was a dad. He had never said anything, he had never even given any sign. Well besides the mysterious phone calls, it explained why the man was on the phone all the time. And why he always seemed to have to get somewhere right after work and the lack of being able to sleep at each other's houses. It actually explained a lot when she put it in context, but really, there had been no hints. He had never mentioned her. Not once. He had never actually hinted that he had a five year old daughter in day care. And then suddenly he had a daughter. And he wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her because he wanted to be serious with her. Which...that blew her mind. She had no idea how to take care of a kid. No idea how to be a mom. No idea how to be serious with a dad. And Hannah was obviously Derek's number one, which she should be, but it mean she deserved a lot more than someone who had no idea how to be a mother. And it meant Derek did too. This wasn't even fair to Derek. It wasn't fair that she couldn't give Derek what he wanted because he had a daughter. She knew it wasn't fair but she couldn't do it. She had no idea how to do it. “Meredith?” Susan put a glass of wine in front of her. “Are you all right?” "Oh...umm...fine," Meredith nodded quickly. "Just...long week. It's been a really long week." “Do you need to talk about it?” Susan asked as Lexie sat down next to Meredith, a concerned look on her face. "No, there's no...I have...no..." Meredith shook her head. "Derek has a daughter." “What?” Lexie gasped. "Derek has a daughter. A five year old. A completely adorable five year old. That looks like him. And he's her world. You can tell, he's her world and she's his word and Derek has a daughter and wants to be with me." “Who exactly is Derek?” Susan frowned. "Meredith's boss," Lexie explained. "That she likes and he likes her." “And he has a daughter. A five year old. And he was going to tell me. He only tells people when he wants to get serious with them. And he wanted to tell me.” "Did you meet her?" Lexie asked. “Yes,” Meredith sighed. “Accidentally. Completely accidentally. She escaped daycare and she was looking for him and I met her in the elevator and...she’s adorable.” "What does she look like?" “Like...him. Brown curls, big blue eyes...she looks like him. Except her nose. She doesn’t have his nose. But she looks like him.” "That's like a cute festival," Lexie grinned. “Lexie,” Meredith groaned. “Not cute. Well, yeah, cute. Totally cute. And he loves her. He worships her and she worships him but...seriously...cute but not the point.” "What exactly is the point?" Molly asked. “The point is, he has a daugher,” Meredith stated firmly as she took a bite of a carrot. “A daughter. A five year old daughter. That’s the point.” "How is that the point?" Lexie frowned. “How is it not the point? He has a daughter. And he wants to be serious. And I...he wants to be serious. Which means I’d have a kid or something and I don’t...I can’t have a kid.” "It's a big step," Susan nodded. “Exactly. A big huge step,” Meredith sighed. “Huge, huge step. And he has a daughter. I was going to...but it doesn’t matter. Because he has a five year old. And I don’t do kids. I don’t even want kids.” "You don't want kids?" Lexie frowned. “Not really. No.” "But you adore Laura," Molly pointed out. “She’s a baby,” Meredith countered. “I hold her for ten minutes and then give her back to you.” "Are you planning on having nothing to do with her when she gets older?" Molly asked. “Well...no,” Meredith sighed. “But you’re her mom. She has a mom. I’m just her crazy aunt.” "And you would just be Derek's girlfriend," Lexie pointed out. “No, I definitely would be more than that. I think I really would.” "That's not neccesarily a bad thing," Lexie shrugged. “Yeah, yeah it’s definitely a bad thing,” Meredith shook her head. “I’m...I can’t be a mom. I can’t take of a kid.” "You don't actually know that," Lexie sighed. “Where is her mother?” Susan asked. "She's gone," Meredith murmured. "She didn't want...there basically is no mother. She just...left. She left when Hannah was born and it's been her and Derek ever since." “Oh,” Molly sighed, looking down awkwardly. It was still a weird point between them. Even years later, it was still a weird point that their father had left Meredith. And any mentions of it always made meals go awkward. "She's never been in Hannah's life?" Lexie asked gently. “No, never,” Meredith whispered. “At least, I don’t think so.” "And he wants to be with you?" Lexie breathed. “He wants to be with me,” Meredith groaned. “Which means...it means things. Things I can’t do. Things...I can’t. I don’t know how and she’s...she wants a mom and I can’t be a mom.” "It's understandable that you're afraid," Susan nodded. “Thank you,” Meredith sighed. "But..." Susan sighed. "Letting someone new into your children's lives that young is a big deal. It's not even easy to think about. I don't know how well you know each other, but if he's willing to take that step, his feelings probably run deep." “But they can’t,” Meredith shook her head. “We’ve just been...friends. Or something. And it’s big. It’s big for him and it’s big for me and it’s big for his five year old daughter. Daughter. I can’t do that. I can’t just walk in and try to be a mom. I don’t know how to be a mom. So it’s just...we ended it. I ended it.” "How did he take it?" Lexie asked. “I...he was...he said he’d keep fighting,” Meredith sighed. “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word no.” "He wouldn't keep fighting if he thought for a second you'd be bad for his daughter," Molly pointed out. “He doesn’t know...things.” "He doesn't need to know things to know he feels comfortable with you around his daughter." “If he knew things,” Meredith stated, “if he knew about my mom and Thatcher...but mostly about my mom...he doesn’t know things.” "You could always tell him," Lexie shrugged. "Let him makes up his own mind." “It doesn’t matter, Lexie,” Meredith shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t be a mom to her. And she needs a mom. She’s probably dark and twisty and she...she needs a mom. And Derek deserves someone who can do that.” "So this is how you and Derek end?" Lexie frowned. “Yes, no. We weren’t...we’ve never been anything.” "That's just sad, you really liked him." “Yeah, I...I did,” Meredith murmured. "And you're just throwing that away because he has a daughter?" Molly asked. “I’m not throwing it away,” Meredith shook her head. “He deserves someone who can do this. Who isn’t afraid to give him more. And she deserves that too.” "Meredith, what the man deserves is whatever he wants," Susan said gently. "And I entirely understand why you're nervous to become involved, I do. But if you really like him, don't let this ruin it for you." “I’m not going to screw up a kid because I like her dad.” "Don't be ridiculous," Susan groaned. "You aren't going to screw her up." “I could. I probably would. She’s...I mean she’s already mom-less. And not having a parent...it screws with you and I don’t...I don’t want it to get worse. And I could. It’s not like I’ve had the best example of how a mom is supposed to be.” "You don't actually have any idea of what kind of mom you would be," Lexie pointed out. "Your mom was crap...but you're not her." “She’s all I had,” Meredith sighed. "It doesn't mean you're going to be her," Lexie argued. "From what you've said...you're nothing like her." “I’m dark and twisty. That screws up a kid enough,” Meredith stated. “And maybe I’m not like my mom, I don’t know. Either way, I can’t be a mom to a five year old. I can’t.” "Why not?" Lexie frowned. “Because Lexie...I can’t. I don’t know how to be a mom. She deserves that. And Derek right now...he doesn’t know. I’ve already said all of this.” "Lexie, let it drop," Susan nodded. "Becoming a mother is hard enough, becoming a mother of a five year old is even harder. If Meredith doesn't feel ready for it that is her right." “Thank you, Susan,” Meredith smiled slightly. "It doesn't mean I approve Meredith," Susan shook her head. "Don't write the poor man off because he has a child." “He’s also my boss,” Meredith said lamely, ignoring the voice in her head that sounded like Derek telling her that didn’t matter anymore. "I'm pretty sure that is completely beside the point," Lexie laughed. “He’s my boss with a kid.” "Does the fact he's your boss make it against the rules?" Susan asked. “Yes,” Meredith nodded firmly. “Very against the rules. Wrong. Completely wrong.” "It's not against the rules," Lexie sighed. “Yeah it is, Lexie.” "And that didn't bother you before with all the meetings in on call room and offices and supply closets." “Lexie!” Meredith gasped, choking on her wine. "Mer, I just want you to be happy," Lexie sighed. “I know,” Meredith nodded. “But seriously...Susan...fake mommy...right here.” "Oh she's fine with it," Lexie shrugged. “Well...whatever,” Meredith sighed. “Boss. Boss with a kid. And now this conversation is done.” "For now," Lexie nodded. “Forever. Done conversation. Derek and I...done. Over. That’s it.” "Sure it is," Lexie nodded. “It is.” "Okay." “Okay,” Meredith nodded. “So how’s Laura?” "Laura is good," Molly laughed. "I put her down right before you got here." “Good, that’s good. Sleeping babies are good.” "They are," Molly nodded. "When she wakes up you can go check on her." “Yeah,” Meredith sighed staring into her wine glass as Susan started talking about Laura smiling. Daughter. The word didn’t stop in her head. Derek had a daughter. He had a daughter and he liked her a lot. And he wasn’t going to stop chasing. But he had a daughter, a daughter without a mother, and she missed him. She missed him, but she couldn’t be with him. She had no idea how to be with him and Hannah. For every piece of me that wants you Another piece backs away. Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy the season would be uber long because we love writing this stuff so much we'd be spewing out new episodes left right and center. Instead of 25 it would be like....50. Derek smiled as he felt Hannah’s arms tighten around his neck. It was ten thirty at night, and she had spent the last two hours curled up in a ball in his office, sleeping as he finished up paperwork. He hadn’t meant to stay that late, he hated staying this late when she was at the hospital. “Daddy?” she suddenly murmured into his neck. "Yeah, Han?" he whispered. “I was real good. Can I have ice cream?” "You were real good," he nodded. "But it's a little too late to have ice cream tonight. How about we do it tomorrow after school?" “Promise?” she asked, yawning slightly as she pulled back to look at him. "Promise," he smiled. “No being doctor instead of daddy?” "No being a doctor instead of a daddy," he shook his head. "I'm done right before you're done school." “Okay,” she sighed as he carried her into the elevator. “I got ballet tomorrow, Daddy.” "You do," he nodded. “Are you gonna watch me?” "I am," Derek smiled widely. “Good,” she grinned. “I’m the bestest, Daddy. Even my teacher said so.” "The teacher said that?" “Yep.” "Wow." “I know,” she smiled, wiggling in his arms. “Put me down. I wanna press the button.” "Of course," he nodded, putting her down on the ground. “G, right?” "G." “Okay,” she smiled, pressing the button. “Daddy, are you gonna dress up for Hallween?” "Do you want me to dress up?" “Yeah,” she nodded. “You and Uncle Monkey.” "Can I dress up as a surgeon?" “No, Daddy,” she giggled. “You dress up as a surgeon all the time!” "I tried," he laughed. "I will figure something out." “Uncle Monkey too?” "You'll have to ask him," Derek laughed. “Uncle Monkey can be a monkey,” she giggled again, reaching up to grasp his hand. "Uncle Monkey is always a monkey." “But he needs a cosume.” "He does," Derek nodded. "We'll figure that out this weekend." “Okay,” she nodded. “We’re gonna have a party at school, Daddy. A Hallween party. I gotta bring something.” "When is the party?" “Um...October twenty-five.” "Okay," Derek nodded. "We'll figure that out too." “Emily’s gonna bring cupcakes,” she reported. “Chocolate cupcakes with orange spwinkles.” "That sounds yummy," Derek grinned. “Very yummy,” she smiled as the doors opened. “And Jeffrey’s bringing chips. And Sean’s bringing somethin to drink. And Amanda’s bringing mashmellows.” "We'll figure something out, honey." “Can I bring cookies with pumpkins on them?” "That's a good idea," Derek nodded. “And I gotta dress up cause we’re gonna have a parade.” "Wow," Derek grinned. "You still want to be a ballerina princess?" “Course I do, Daddy.” "Oh of course," Derek laughed. “What else would I be?” she asked, pulling him towards the doors. "I don't know. Sorry I asked." “Silly Daddy.” "I know," Derek laughed. "Too much paperwork." “Why do you gotta do paperwork, Daddy? You’re a doctor. You gotta do hemistomies.” "I do," he nodded. "But when you do hemispherectomies you have to do a whole bunch of paperwork too." “Why?” "It's part of the job." “But you’re a doctor.” "I am," Derek grinned. "But I have to do paperwork too." “But...Mereith!” Hannah suddenly exclaimed, letting go of Derek’s hand. “Mereith!” Derek looked up to see Meredith standing frozen in front of them as Hannah ran toward her. He hadn't actually talked to Meredith since he had told her about Hannah. Not because he was giving up, he was just giving her space. Space to really process everything so he hadn't talked to her at all. "Oh...hi Hannah," Meredith said awkwardly. “Hi, Mereith!” Hannah grinned, throwing her arms around Meredith’s waist. “I haven’t seened you in forever!” "Oh umm...it's been...a week," Meredith murmured, letting a hand fall onto Hannah's back. “A week is a real long time,” Hannah nodded. “Daddy said a week is seven sleeps. That’s a lot of sleeps. That means I went to sleep seven times. How come you didn’t come visit me, Mereith? I don’t got a dollhouse yet cause Daddy said not yet, I gotta wait for Santa. But I got lots of other toys. I got tea party and lots of ballet stuff and dolls and fishing stuff and cards.” "Oh...wow," Meredith nodded. "And I...I've been busy. Work keeps me busy." “Cause you’re a doctor,” Hannah nodded. “Like my daddy and Uncle Monkey and Aunt Kat and Aunt Nancy...Uncle Monkey calls Aunt Nancy Nancy-pants and it makes her real mad and it’s funny. Uncle Monkey’s crazy though, Daddy says. Do you do hemistomies, Mereith? Or rhinopasties?” "I do....I'm an intern so umm everything," Meredith shrugged. “Everything?” Hannah’s eyes went wide as she turned to Derek. “Wow, Daddy. Mereith does everything. That means she’s real good, right?” "It means she's an intern," Derek smiled. "Remember I told you about them? They get to try a little bit of everything." “Oh,” Hannah nodded and then turned back to Meredith. “My daddy does hemistomies and Uncle Monkey does rhinopasties. Rhinopasties fixes noses and hemistomies fixes brains when they’re broken. Did you know a brain could get broken? I didn’t know that, Mereith. But my daddy fixes brains with hemistomies. He’s the bestest. But he’s gotta do paperwork too.” "He does," Meredith nodded, smiling slightly. “That’s why I’m not sleeping yet. I was sleeping in Daddy’s office but then he woke me up and I got to press the button. Mereith, do you gotta work tomorrow?” "I do have to work tomorrow," Meredith nodded. “At night time?” "Oh umm...no," Meredith shook her head. “Me and Daddy and Uncle Monkey are gonna get ice cream,” Hannah nodded. “And now you too!” "I'm what?" Meredith asked. “Gonna get ice cream.” "Hannah..." Derek sighed. "You don't have to, Mer. She's just...you don't have to." “It’s gonna be fun,” Hannah smiled at Meredith. “I get chocolate and vanilla with chocolate spwinkles. Do you like ice cream, Mereith?” "I...yeah, I like ice cream," Meredith murmured. "But umm..." “What kind do you like?” "Strawberry," Meredith nodded. “I like strawberry too,” Hannah grinned. “Daddy likes coffee. But coffee’s real gross.” "Yeah...coffee is gross," Meredith nodded. “Are you gonna come, Mereith? Daddy, can Mereith come?” "She can come if she wants," Derek nodded. "But she...if she's busy and doesn't want to come, that's okay. She doesn't have to." “Course she wants to come,” Hannah giggled. “Don’t you, Mereith? You wanna come eat ice cream with me and Daddy and Uncle Monkey cause you’re my friend, right?” "Oh...umm...okay, sure," Meredith nodded. “Really?” Hannah’s grin widened. "Yeah," Meredith giggled nervously. “Yay!” Hannah grinned, hugging her around the waist again. "Oh umm...yeah," Meredith nodded, putting her hand on Hannah's back again. “Told you she wanted to come, Daddy,” Hannah giggled. "You did," Derek nodded. “It’s gonna be real nice, Mereith. Daddy will buy you ice cream.” "Oh umm...okay," Meredith nodded. “Do you like spwinkles? I like spwinkles.” "Sprinkles are good," Meredith smiled. “They’re the bestest,” Hannah nodded. “I like my ice cream in a cup cause Daddy says I’ll get all messy in a cone but Daddy gets his in a cone and Uncle Monkey gets sundaes in a bowl.” "Oh...that's...interesting," Meredith nodded. “And then Uncle Monkey gives me his cherry cause he doesn’t like cherries but I do so he gives it to me. Do you like cherries, Mereith? Cause I’ll eat your cherry if you don’t want it. I eat Daddy’s sometimes too. But Daddy never gets cherries or whipped cream or anything cause he says it’s a lot of sugar and sugar is bad. Do you think sugar is bad?” "Sugar is yummy," Meredith grinned and then her eyes widened. "I mean...it's yummy but your Daddy...right, he's right. Lot of sugar is bad. It's...sugar is bad. Unless it's a special treat but lots of sugar is bad." “But it’s yummy,” Hannah giggled, turning to Derek. “Mereith thinks sugar is yummy, Daddy.” "She would," Derek laughed. "And I never said sugar wasn't yummy." “But you don’t eat sugar, Daddy,” Hannah said, yawning slightly. "I eat some sugar," he sighed. "And you need sleep." “I’m not sleepy, Daddy. I’m wide ‘wake now.” "And the yawning was just for fun?" “Yep.” "Oh I see," he nodded. "But tomorrow you have school, ice cream and ballet. You need some sleep." “I do have ballet!” Hannah grinned, turning back to Meredith. “Mereith, wanna come watch me ballet tomorrow?” "Oh ummm..." Meredith murmured. “The teacher says I’m...I’m the bestest,” she yawned widely. "And you are," Derek nodded. "But Meredith doesn't get a lot of time off work so how about we just stick to ice cream tomorrow and she can come see you some other time?" “I guess,” Hannah nodded. “Promise you’ll come see me, Mereith?” "When I get the chance," Meredith nodded. “That’s good,” Hannah nodded, leaning back against Derek’s legs. "Definitely tired," Derek sighed, picking her up. "Mer...come to the car with me so we can talk?" “Oh...um...okay,” Meredith sighed, following closely behind him. "Say bye to Meredith, Hannah," Derek sighed, as he pulled open the back door of the car. “Bye, Mereith,” Hannah murmured, her eyes already closing as Derek put her in the car. "Bye Hannah," Meredith responded quietly. “See tomorrow,” Hannah nodded. Derek gave her quick kiss on the forehead before closing the door, turning to look at Meredith. "Are you okay?" he asked. “I’m fine,” she nodded. “How are you?” "I'm good," he nodded. "You...are you sure you want to come tomorrow?" “No,” she admitted quietly. “But she...she asked and I said yes so I’m coming.” "You didn't have to say yes," Derek shrugged. “She’s kind of hard to say no to.” "She is. I'm glad you're coming." “Derek...it’s not...I mean...we’re still...” "I know," he said quietly. "It's ice cream with Hannah and Mark, I know it's nothing." “Good,” she whispered. "So...tomorrow," he sighed. “Tomorrow,” she nodded. "Yeah," he nodded. “Yeah,” she murmured, looking down at her feet. "So...umm...I should go," he breathed. "Hannah needs her bed." “Yeah, she um...she looks tired. And sleep is good. Really good. Especially since she has ballet and school and ice cream tomorrow. So sleep is good. Really good,” Meredith sighed. “I’m rambling.” "You are," he grinned. “Sorry,” she smiled slightly. "Sorry?" “For rambling.” "I like the rambling." “I know you do.” "So don't say sorry." “Fine, I won’t say sorry for rambling,” she rolled her eyes. "And now you're rolling your eyes at me," he laughed. “You complain too much.” "Yeah yeah," he smiled. “Seriously,” she sighed, taking a small step towards him. “You just...no complaining. Complaining is not attractive.” "Hmmm..." he nodded, leaning into her slightly. "What if I complain about missing you?" “Der...” she breathed, her hands moving up to his chest. "Mer..." he whispered, dipping his head down so his lips were inches from her. “Hannah needs her bed,” she murmured against his lips. "She can wait a few minutes," he breathed. “We can’t.” "Okay," he sighed, pulling his head back from her, but moving his hand to gently cup her cheek. "Okay." “I’m sorry,” she murmured, leaning into his touch slightly. “I can’t.” "I know," he nodded. "I get it." “Okay,” she nodded, pulling away and digging in her purse for her car keys. "What time are you done tomorrow?" “Six.” "Hannah has ballet till eight. We can pick you up after or you can meet us there." “Oh um...I’ll meet you.” "Okay," he nodded. "I'll let you know details tomorrow at work." “Okay,” she nodded quickly, turning towards her car. “ Der?” "Yeah?" “I um...” she looked down at her shoes again. “I...good night.” "Good night, Mer," he nodded. She nodded and got in her car, backing out quickly as he moved around to the driver’s side of his own car. Hannah slept soundly in the back seat, her stuffed monkey clutched tightly in her hands. He sat for a moment, not starting the car as he just sat, trying to ignore the steady ache in his chest. He missed her. And he was sure she missed him. He was pretty sure she had even nearly said it to him. And he couldn't but wonder if she was feeling the ache too. It didn't make sense. He understood why she needed to space to breathe and think and adjust to everything. He had been avoiding her, giving her time to come to terms. It was okay. He still planned on chasing her. But he hadn't expected to miss her this much. She was his intern. She was the girl he had flirted with at the mixer. She was the girl he had been having sex with. He shouldn’t be missing her this much. He shouldn’t be feeling an uncontainable need to hold her, to kiss her. He understood though. He understood she needed time to process this. He just didn’t understand why she was so against them. She had to come around. He knew Hannah was a big deal, he knew that his daughter was definitely a big deal when it came to starting a relationship. He knew that. And from the little things Meredith had said, he knew something bigger was going down. But she had to figure out that this wasn't that bad, that she could deal with having Hannah around. That they could work. He sighed as he started the car, backing out of the parking lot slowly. She would figure it out. She was going out for ice cream with them tomorrow, and she would be able to see that this could work out. Even if it wasn’t a date, even if it was just casual ice cream with his daughter and best friend, she might be able to see that this could work out. At least, he hoped she would. Because I miss you And this is all I wanna say I guess I miss you, beautiful These three words have said it all Disclaimer: With all the recent upset with the actual owners of the show recently, we feel this is a time to remind you that if we owned it Paddy would be at least half naked once an episode. Because he's yummy. Not that's naked in this update...that would be inappropriate. This was a bad idea, a really bad idea. She had been avoiding him for the past week and it was somehow working out for her. He hadn't been harassing her, he hadn't been following her, things had been good. Well no, things had been crap. Because she kept seeing him all over the place and she missed him. She missed him more than she should. But it had definitely been working for her. And then in a moment of complete weakness, she had said yes to a pair of crystal blue eyes. Not his eyes, a five year old’s crystal blue eyes. Hannah had thrown her arms around her waist and she hadn’t been able to say no. Which was ridiculous. Hannah was five. She should be able to say no to a five year old. Except, well, she was willing to bet Cristina couldn’t even say no to Hannah. How would anyone say no to a five year old little girl who called her a friend? Not that Meredith wanted to be Hannah's friend. She just, Hannah had looked at her and she knew if she had said no there would be have been tears. And she couldn't make her cry. She couldn't do it. So ice cream seemed like it was her only option. Plus she'd get some Derek time. Not that she wanted that. She didn’t need Derek time. She defintiely didn’t need Derek time. The avoiding him thing...okay, it sucked. But it was better than being around him and wanting to kiss him and have sex with him. She definitely couldn’t have sex with him again. He had a daughter. An entirely cute daughter who had invited her to ice cream. This was about Hannah. Not Derek. Derek did not matter in this. "Meredith!" Derek called as she walked into the restaurant. “Hi,” she smiled slightly at him as she made her way to their table where Hannah was sitting, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, a jacket covering her leotard and tutu. "Grey," Mark greeted. “Mereith!” Hannah grinned, jumping up in her chair. “Hi!” "Hi Hannah," Meredith grinned, slipping into the only chair left, beside Mark. “Do you like my tutu?” Hannah asked as Derek pulled her to sit back down. "It's very pretty," Meredith nodded. “I was the very bestest today,” Hannah nodded. “Wasn’t I, Daddy?” "You were," Derek smiled proudly. “What? You don’t ask me?” Mark frowned. "Uncle Monkey you always say I'm the bestest," Hannah giggled. “That’s because you are,” he laughed. "I know," Hannah nodded. “She’s as humble as you are, Derek,” Meredith smiled slightly. "That was mean," Derek pouted at her. "True...but mean." “What’s humble?” Hannah asked. "It means you don't talk about how good you are," Derek grinned. “Oh, okay,” Hannah nodded. “Daddy, I want strawberry like Mereith.” "You do?" Derek asked. “Which chocolate spwinkles.” "Okay," Derek nodded. "Just strawberry for you, Mer?" “Yeah,” Meredith nodded. “Just strawberry.” "Okay," Derek smiled. “I’ll get my usual, Shep,” Mark grinned widely. "Did I ask?" Derek frowned. “What? You’re not buying me ice cream?” Mark frowned. “After all I’ve done for you...” "I'll buy your ice cream," Derek groaned. “Awww, thanks, Shep,” Mark laughed. "You owe me one," Derek sighed. “You say that all the time, Daddy,” Hannah giggled. "Because he always owes me one," Derek laughed. “Yeah, yeah,” Mark smirked. "It's true," Derek shrugged. “Daddy and Uncle Monkey are funny,” Hannah laughed to Meredith. "They are," Meredith nodded, giggling softly. “Uncle Monkey being the funniest,” Mark laughed. “Shep has no sense of humor.” "I have a sense of humor," Derek groaned. “If it weren’t for me, your daughter would be...well, like you.” "And that's a bad thing?" “You kidding?” Mark laughed. “That’s why you keep buying me ice cream, man. I’m raising your daughter to be more like me.” "I hope to god she doesn't turn out like you," Derek shook his head. “She’d be lucky to be like me.” "Sure she would," Meredith giggled and then stopped herself. "Sorry...boss." “I’ll remember this tomorrow, Grey,” Mark frowned. “And I was actually going to let you scrub in.” "Wh...you were?" Meredith asked. “Well, no. But now I’m definitely not going to let you.” "She's here as Hannah's friend, you don't get to hold anything she says against her," Derek sighed. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s why she’s here,” Mark smirked as his ice cream was set in front of him. "It is," Derek nodded. "Hannah invited her, right Han?" “Yep,” Hannah nodded, dipping her spoon into her strawberry ice cream. “I ‘vited Mereith. Cause she’s my friend. Right, Mereith?” "Right," Meredith nodded. “See, Uncle Monkey,” Hannah stuck out her tongue towards Mark. "Did you just stick your tongue out at me?" Mark frowned. “Yep,” she giggled. "Too much time with your Daddy," Mark shook his head. “He’s my daddy,” Hannah nodded. “I gotta spend time with him.” "She loves spending time with me," Derek grinned. “My daddy’s the bestest,” Hannah smiled widely. "Thank you, Hannah Rose," Derek grinned, leaning over to kiss her cheek. "My daughter is the bestest too." “Thank you, Daddy Shepherd,” she giggled. "Daddy Shepherd?" he laughed. “That’s your name.” "My name is Daddy, silly." “And your last name’s Shepherd, like mine.” "It is," he nodded. “You called me two names, I gotta call you two names.” "She has a point," Meredith giggled. “Tank you, Mereith,” Hannah nodded, taking a bite of her ice cream. "No problem, Hannah," Meredith nodded. “Oh yeah, take the five year old’s side,” Derek teased. "I'm here as her friend," Meredith smiled. “My new friend,” Hannah grinned. “This is yummy.” "It is," Meredith nodded. “I can’t believe you got strawberry, Hannah Banana,” Mark sighed as he handed her his cherry. "Why Uncle Monkey?" Hannah asked, grinning as she popped the cherry in her mouth. “Because strawberry is like the loser of ice cream,” Mark smirked. “I raised you better than that.” "It's yummy!" Hannah protested. "And Mereith likes it." “It’s very yummy,” Meredith laughed, taking a bite of her ice cream. “You’re just jealous, Sloan.” "Jealous of ice cream?" Mark asked. “Jealous that we’re cooler than you,” Meredith winked at Hannah. "Oh but you're not," Mark shook his head. “We are, Uncle Monkey,” Hannah giggled. "You keep telling yourself that, kid," Mark nodded. “Everyone knows Hannah Banana is cooler than you, Sloan,” Derek grinned, quickly grapping a napkin to wipe Hannah’s chin. "Your opinion doesn't count, Shep," Mark shook his head. “You’re outnumbered, Sloan,” Meredith giggled. "Who invited an intern anyway?" Mark frowned. “I did,” Hannah chirped. "And you're not going to complain about her, are you?" Derek asked. “Uncle Monkey loves me,” Hannah smiled, shooting Mark a puppy dog look. "You're lucky," Mark sighed. “Why?” "That I love you." “I love you too, Uncle Monkey,” she nodded, reaching forward with her spoon to eat his whipped cream. "I know," Mark smirked. “I love you and Daddy,” Hannah smiled. “But I love Daddy the mostest and the bestest. You’re second bestest, Uncle Monkey.” "Well that's nice," Mark rolled his eyes. "I love coming in second." “I thought you’d be used to it by now,” Derek laughed. "I'll never get used to someone thinking you're better than me," Mark laughed. “Why? Because they’re right?” "Definitely not right," Mark shook his head. "I only let her get away with it because you're her father."



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:08 PM Post #7
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	“Thanks, Mark,” Derek smiled as Hannah lifted up the cup to drink the melted remnants of her strawberry ice cream. “Careful, Han.” "Course Daddy," Hannah nodded as a little bit dribbled onto her chin. “Of course,” Derek laughed as he wiped her chin. “You’re going to get ice cream on your tutu, hun.” "Oh that would be bad," Hannah frowned. “Really bad,” Derek nodded seriously. "I'll be careful, Daddy," Hannah grinned. “That’s my girl,” he smiled, kissing her forehead before smiling briefly at Meredith. "So that was...good, thank you," Meredith nodded. “Welcome, Mereith,” Hannah grinned. "It's no problem, Mer," Derek grinned. "Hannah wanted you here." “Oh yeah,” Mark nodded, “Hannah.” "Mark, keep your mouth shut," Derek groaned. “Will do,” Mark nodded, standing. “Hey, Han, want to play Pacman?” "Pacman!" Hannah grinned. "Yes, Uncle Monkey.” “You can kick my butt again,” he laughed, lifting her and swinging her in the air. "I like kicking your butt," Hannah giggled. “Yeah I know,” he grinned. “You two. Sit. Talk. Do your thing.” He carried a giggling Hannah towards the arcade games in the back, still smirking. "Sorry...Mark's an idiot," Derek sighed. “Yeah, I know,” she sighed, trailing her spoon through her ice cream. Awkward. This was going to be awkward. She was going to kill Mark Sloan. Kill him and make it look like an accident. She seriously doubted anyone would even miss him. Except maybe Hannah. She seemed to like him. But she was only five, she didn’t know any better. "Thanks for coming," he sighed. "Not for me. I mean...it's nice having you here but really...it means a lot to Hannah. So thanks. I know you probably want to be anywhere but here." “No,” she shook her head. “It’s...it’s fine. She’s cute.” "She is," Derek smiled proudly. “Humble too,” Meredith giggled. "She learned from the best," he laughed. “She never stood a chance with you and Sloan,” Meredith smiled. "She probably didn't," Derek sighed. “But still...cute,” she said quickly. “Cute and...funny and smart and...yeah.” "You like her." “It’s kind of hard not to.” "Tell me about it," he laughed. "She has everyone she meets wrapped around her finger in minutes." “Apparently.” "And she likes you." “She does?” "Definitely," he nodded. "She has asked me how you were every day since she met you." “Seriously?” "Yeah. She likes you." “Oh...” she breathed, trailing her spoon over her bowl. "So...ummm...how was your week?" “Long,” she murmured. “Really...long. Yours?” "Long," he sighed. "It was definitely one of those hell weeks." “Yeah,” she nodded. “Week from hell. Definitely.” "Miss neuro?" “Um...yeah. I do. A lot actually.” "Sorry," he nodded. "I'll get you on neuro tomorrow." “It’s fine,” seh shook her head. “You don’t have to. I...it’s been and we’ve been...I’m with Sloan tomorrow.” "You like neuro, Mer. And...you don't deseve to miss out on it." “I do like neuro,” she nodded carefully. "I'll get you in," he nodded. “Thanks,” she murmured. It was insanely awkward. This was bad. They had ended their thing. Their whatever they had. And now they were sitting here across from each other while his adorable, insanely lovable daughter was playing just a few feet away. Awkward. This had been one of the stupidest ideas she’d ever had. "No problem," he sighed. "The others...they're driving me crazy." “Who have you been working with?” "O'Malley today." “Oh, George,” she giggled. "Oh George is right," he laughed. "Is he always that awkward?" “Yeah, he kind of is.” "I asked him to go get an MRI and I was pretty sure he nearly passed out." “Poor George,” she laughed. "I think he could be good. He just needs some more confidence." “Yeah, probably,” she nodded, biting her lip. This wasn’t them. They usually flirted and had sexy talk and banter and...this wasn’t them. "Izzie is annoyingly perky." “Oh completely,” Meredith rolled her eyes. “And she bakes. All the time.” "You live with her, right?" “Her and George.” "That has to be...hell." “They’re not...they’re not that bad,” Meredith sighed. “I’m not home enough but...I mean, it could be worse.” "It could be," he nodded and then sighed loudly. "God, this is wierd." “You too?” she asked, looking up from her empty bowl. "Definitely," he sighed.. “This is...it’s bad.” "I want to flirt but I'm trying to give you time to adjust to all of this." “I don’t know if I can, Derek,” she murmured. “I can’t...I like her. She’s adorable. But I’m not...I can’t be a mom.” "I'm not asking you to be her mom," Derek shook his head. “She should have a mom,” she sighed. “She probably wants a mom.” "That little girl has everything she wants," Derek shrugged. "She's not looking for anything." “Derek...I know...having a parent leave it’s not...it’s not easy.” "She didn't have a parent leave. She never had a mom." “She knows she had a mom. And she knows her mom left.” "She knows she has a dad that gives her the world, and a live in uncle that gives her just as much. Don't even get me started on her grandma and aunts and everyone at the hospital." “Still...” Meredith sighed. "There's no big holes in her life that need filling." “You’re telling me she’s never asked about her mom?” "She hasn't," Derek shook his head. "I expect they're coming soon now that she's in school but...she knows she's loved. She's happy." “Oh,” she breathed, looking down to play with her napkin. She could tell him things. Big things. She could tell him how much it screwed up a kid to have a parent leave. And she could tell him how dark and twisty she was and how he definitely wouldn’t want someone who was dark and twisty around his daughter. But they weren’t...they weren’t anything. "Mer...I just want a date. That's all. See where it goes from there. I'm not asking you to take her to dance class or tell her about sex." “She’s five, Derek.” "Okay, so it would be a little early for a sex talk." “Just a little.” "The point is...I'm not looking for someone to fill a hole in her life. There is no hole to fill." “But she deserves someone who wants to be a mom for her.” "She deserves someone who is willing to give the dating a man with a kid thing a shot." “Exactly,” she sighed. “That’s not me, Derek.” "It could be." “It’s not,” she shook her head. “It’s not me. I don’t...I don’t even date. And you...you’re great and you deserve someone who dates and wants kids and wants the happily ever after thing or whatever.” "You don't want happily ever after?" “I don’t think it’s real,” she sighed. "That's...tragic," he whispered. “See!” she waved her hand. “This is why...you believe in that. And you want that. You believe in all of that and I just...I’m okay with just having sex only. And you’re not. And you never could be. So that’s why...we can’t, Derek.” "All you want for the rest of your life is casual sex?" “Yes. No. I don’t know. Maybe.” "Maybe," he nodded slowly. “Maybe,” she shrugged. “And you...you have a daughter. A really amazing daughter who doesn’t have a mom.” "And isn't looking for one." “Fine. I know. But still...we can’t.” "Okay,” he nodded. “O-okay?” "Okay." “Okay meaning...” "Okay, I'm letting it go," he nodded. "For now." “Oh,” she breathed, trying to ignore the pain in her chest. He was letting go. That was good. He was letting go for now. That was good. Really good. Pains in the chest meant nothing. Because it was good. Definitely good. “Okay.” "One day you'll wonder how you ever lived without me," he smirked. “I seriously doubt it,” she rolled her eyes. "You will." “Daddy!” Hannah came running towards them. “I kicked Uncle Monkey’s butt!” "Good job!" Derek exclaimed. “He’s real bad at Pacman,” Hannah giggled, climbing onto his lap. "Or maybe you're just really good," Derek laughed, wrapping his arms around his daughter. “I am real good.” "You are," Derek grinned, kissing her cheek. “She cheats,” Mark groaned as he walked over. “She’s cute and it’s damn distracting and she cheats.” "She's five," Derek groaned. “And she cheats.” "Or you suck." “That’s a bad word, Daddy,” Hannah put her finger against his lips. "Sorry," Derek laughed. “If you say bad words you get your toys taken away,” Hannah explained to Meredith. "That makes sense," Meredith nodded. "Are you going to take Daddy's toys away?" “Yep,” Hannah nodded. “His phone and his fishing pole.” "He likes that phone a lot," Meredith giggled. “It’s for work,” Derek frowned. "No one else is on their phone that much," Meredith pointed out. “Maybe I work harder than everyone else.” "Or play Tetris." “What’s Tetris?” Hannah asked as she reached into Derek’s pocket to take out his phone. "A game on my phone that I don't play a lot," Derek explained. “I wanna play!” Hannah exclaimed. "Okay," Derek nodded. "Let me see the phone." “But you said a bad word,” Hannah frowned. "If you want to play Tetris I have to start it for you." “How do you play, Daddy?” she asked, looping her arm around his neck as he started the game for her. "There's tiny little blocks...and you have to move them around so they fall in a line." “How?” she asked, leaning closer to him. "With these tiny arrows, see?" Meredith couldn’t help but smile as she watched Derek and Hannah with each other. He was a great dad. A really, really great dad. And they were obviously the center of each other’s worlds. She knew Derek insisted that Hannah didn’t need a mom, she knew he really thought Hannah didn’t need any of that, that she was happy, and she definitely looked it, but Meredith didn’t think she could become a part of this without ruining it. She didn't know how to do this. She liked Hannah. Hannah was an amazingly great kid and Derek had obviously done a great job raising her. She really liked Hannah. But she didn't even know how to date a guy, let alone a guy with a kid. She didn't know how to do this and there were too many feelings at stake to give it a try. Trying would only hurt in the long run. She didn’t have the heart to try only to hurt Derek and Hannah. Hannah who was great and deserved someone who would never, every hurt her. And Derek...he deserved the happily ever after part. And she couldn’t give that ot him. She didn’t know how. She didn’t know how to give it to him and she definitely didn’t know how to give it to Hannah. If she tried, she’d just end up hurting them. And they deserved so much more than that. I wish I could be every little thing you wanted all the time Disclaimer: After this update it will be abundantly clear that we don't own the show. Because the day Mer and Der do this on the show is the day we die or hell freezes over or something. Just...yeah, we wish this would happen. Derek tied his scrub pants quickly as he walked out of his office, moving quickly towards the patient's room. He had finished the surgery well over an hour ago and then had run to grab Hannah from school. He had no idea how the patient was doing now, but Meredith was looking after him. Meredith. Meredith was finally his intern after two weeks of avoiding. It was good working with her again. Not that he was playing favourites, that would be entirely wrong. But Meredith was definitely his favourite, and not just for his own personal reasons. Not that those didn't come into play. It was nice to have her around, even if it was just at work and no where else. He could deal with that for now. Better than anything else. She was still antsy around him, still avoiding in a lot of ways. He tried to be strictly professional around her, and she seemed to respond well to that, He wanted to flirt with her, he wanted to be with her, but he was trying to give her space. She needed space, he understood that. Having a kid was a big deal, a huge deal, and he understood that. He understood why she was freaking out. This had been exactly what he had expected from her. He had expected the freak out, he had planned on giving her space. It just didn't mean it wasn't killing him. He missed having her around to flirt with and kiss and everything else they had been doing. He missed their easy friendship or whatever it was that they had become. The missing her actually made his chest ache. He rounded the corner, smiling when he saw her leaning over the nurse's station, writing in the chart. This was why his chest ached. He missed being able to walk up behind her and whisper something extremely dirty in her ear, missed being able to run his hand up and down her back, missed trying to be entirely secretive about it. He missed what they had had. He walked up behind her and smiled when she didn't even react, staring intently at the chart in her hands, in her own entire different world. She was adorable when she got that concentrating look on her face. He leaned closer and she still didn't react so he took a deep breath, letting the smell of flowers and Meredith surround him. He wasn't sure there was a smell he liked more. "What are you doing?" she murmured, her shoulders tensing only slightly. "Oh umm...nothing," he shook his head quickly, pulling back from her. "You're doing that thing," she sighed, turning to look at him. "What thing?" "The dreamy Derek thing," she nodded. "The thing we're not doing." "I'm being dreamy?" he smirked. "Smelling hair is apparently dreamy," she groaned. "Who said I was smelling your hair?" "Oh, so you came up behind me and took a deep breath and moaned slightly because...?" "I didn't moan...did I?" "You kind of did." "Oh..." he nodded slowly. "I didn't even think you knew I was here. You didn't say anything." "Yeah, I...I mean..." she bit her lip, looking down at the chart. "How's Hannah?" "She's good," Derek grinned. "Her teacher told her about pointe shoes yesterday, so now she has a new life goal." "Pointe shoes?" Meredith asked as she handed him the chart. "Those shoes ballerina's wear...apparently like putting your foot in a coffee cup. And of course she wants them." "I'm guessing they're a big deal?" "Yes. Apparently my poor neglected daughter will never be a real ballerina without them." "Of course," she nodded. "Patient's doing well. Just waking up from the anesthesia.” "Good," Derek smiled. "You've checked everything?" "No," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I ran in, made sure he was awake, and then went and had a cup of coffee." "There's the attitude I missed," he laughed. "I checked everything. He's doing fine." "Good," he nodded. "Feel good to be back on neuro?" "Better than plastics," she smiled. "That would be another person that likes me more than Mark." "That's not all that hard, Derek." "It's not?" "He's Mark. He's a pain in the ass." "And I'm not?" "You're less of one." "Good to know," he nodded. "But you're still an ass." "Oh but you like me ever so much." "You keep telling yourself that." "There's nothing to tell myself," he shook his head. "You like me. I know it." "Of course you do," she rolled her eyes, moving to walk away from him. "You do," he grinned as he moved to start following her. "I told you...it's in your eyes." "I told you...cheesy." "You always smile when I'm cheesy." "I'm laughing at you." "I'm sure you are." "Completely laughing at how cheesy you are." "I don't actually hear any laughter." "It's in my head. I smile to make you think you're actually cute." "You think I'm cute?" "Definitely not," she shook her head quickly. "You're cute when you're in denial." "I am not in denial." "Of course not," Derek nodded. "And I'm not cute." "You're definitely cute." "You're doing the thing." "The dreamy thing?" "Yes." "Hmm.." he nodded, suddenly grabbing her arm and dragging her into the on call room they were passing. "What are you doing?" she gasped as he closed the door. "I'm not actually quite sure," he shrugged. "I wanted you alone." "We're not doing the alone thing." "Apparently we are." "We're not supposed to." "I know," he nodded. "Which means I should probably go." "Or you could stay." "Derek..." she sighed as he ran his thumb over her jawline. "I know...space," he nodded. "But I miss this. I miss you." "It's not space," she shook her head. "We...I finished it." "You finished it. Which suggests I thought it was a good idea." "It's not." "I disagree," he breathed. "I know," she murmured, sounding breathless herself as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Mer..." he whispered, dipping his head down as he held hers in place and pressed his lips against hers. "Derek," she gasped slightly, her own hands moving up to his curls as she kissed him hard, her tongue demanding entrance into his mouth. His grasp tightened on her and he pulled her closer, kissing her deeply as she tugged on his hair. "No." "No?" he murmured, still holding her tightly. "We can't," she shook her head, moving to pull out of his arms. "We...why?" "Because we can't," she said firmly. "We...I can't. We're not. I ended this. We're over." "Why?" "You now why. Because you're my boss. And I'm your intern. And you have a kid." "That boss stuff is bullshit at this point. And yes...Hannah is a big deal but this big?" "Derek, we can't. Just leave it." "No," he shook his head. "If you want me to stop chasing you, I want a reason." "And I've given you a reason." "No, you haven't." "Yes, I have. So stop...stop kissing and being McDreamy. Just stop. It messes with my head." "And you're messing with mine." "What? How am I messing with yours? I ended it. I said I couldn't and you're chasing and smelling my hair and having eye sex with me over a seventeen year old patient and buying me ice cream and..." "And you ended it for no reason. You ended it because I have a daughter. I get that it's not easy to deal with, I get that. But this bad? Ending it completely because I have a daughter?" "It's not only that. I was going to end it before that." "You...what? Why?" "Because I can't do this. I can't be in a relationship and be what you need. I can't. And you deserve better." "Why can't you?" he asked gently. "Because I can't," she sighed. "Because my dad left when I was five and I don't do relationships." "Okay," Derek said slowly, grabbing her arm and dragging her over the bed, pulling her down. "You're talking." "What?" "If you don't think you can do this, that's fine. But I have a right to know why." "I just can't. It's as simple as that. That's your reason." "No," he shook his head. "If you ever want me to back off I'm going to need a real reason as to why." "Fine," she sighed, turning to look at him. "Hannah needs a mom." "No she doesn't," Derek shrugged. "Yes, she does," Meredith said firmly. "I know what it's like, Derek. My dad...he left. He left and he didn't want me. He left and got a new family with new daughters who he loved more than me and he was the perfect dad to them. And my mom...my mom handed me off to nannies and hospital daycare and everything else...I know what it feels like to not be wanted." "Oh Mer..." Derek breathed, grabbing her hand tightly. "That must have been hell." "So Hannah...Hannah needs a mom. And Hannah needs a mom who isn't as dark and twisty as she is. And she needs a mom who wants kids. Who isn't going to screw her up. Who doesn't have a mom with Alzheimer's and a weird new fake family she has no idea what to do with, even if she does love them insanely. She deserves that. And so do you." "Your mom has Alzheimers?" Derek whispered. "Yeah," Meredith whispered after a second. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, running his thumb over her hand. "I had no idea. But...so you're dark and twisty? It doesn't mean I want someone else." "Derek...dark and twisty. Really, really dark and twisty. And I don't do relationships. One night stands, yes. But relationships? No. And you...you believe in things. Things I don't believe in and you have a daughter who is going to be dark and twisty because her mom didn't want her." "She's not going to be dark and twisty," Derek shrugged. "Hannah has never felt anything but wanted her entire life." "Her mom left. Her mom never wanted her. That screws with a person." "No it doesn't," Derek shook his head. "You...you knew your dad, you loved your dad and he walked away. And nannies...you had no one acting like they wanted you. And that must have been hell. But that wasn't Hannah's life." "And Hannah didn't know her mom at all?' "She never knew her mom," he shook his head. "Her mom never held her, her mom didn't name her. She didn't have a mother abandon her. She just never had one." "Oh," Meredith sighed. "And a day hasn't gone by that Hannah hasn't felt wanted. She comes first for me. She comes first for Mark. And my mom and my sisters adore her. Even the hospital staff. She's probably the most loved kid in the world." "She's kind of hard not to love," Meredith murmured, staring at her wringing hands. "She really is," he nodded, shifting to run his hand along her back. "My daughter isn't missing anything. I see to that. I'm not looking for someone else to see to it." "But she deserves it," she sighed. "She deserves...and you deserve...you deserve things. You both deserve things." "You deserve things too." "Don't," she shook her head. "Don't do that. Don't be...this is about you and Hannah and I...I can't give those things. I can't." "How do you even know that?" "I know. I completely know. I don't even want to give those things. I don't like those things. I don't believe in those things." "You don't mean that," he shook his head. "Yes I do." "Really? You don't want to fall in love and get your happily ever after?" "Okay, the happily ever after part? Not real." "You really think that?" "Yeah, I do. It's just...it's not real, Der." "That's just...quite possibly one of the most heart breaking things I've ever heard." "Cheesy." "Maybe," he sighed. "But...it's...you deserve happily ever after." "So do you," she sighed. "If you believe in it then...I can't, Derek. I can't give you or Hannah happily ever after or whatever." "How do you know that?" "I just do. You want more. I don't." "And you don't even want to try?" "There's no point. I can't do it. And you deserve it. The casual sex thing works for me. And I don't...I have a mom to take care of. And a career to build. And a fake family to get used to...you deserve someone who isn't entirely screwed up." "And what if all I want is someone entirely screwed up?" "No one wants someone entirely screwed up." "Maybe I do," he shrugged. "I want you." "We can't." "Stop saying that. We can do whatever we want." "Well I don't want." "That's bullshit." "Seriously? You can read my mind?" "I know I can't be alone in feeling this." "Maybe you are." "I'm not." "Derek, I can't do this. I can't be with you and I...I can't. So just stop." "And I can't do that." "Well you're going to have to learn." "Or you could learn." "I don't do relationships," she shook her head, moving to stand. "And you can't even try?" he asked, grabbing her arm to hold her in place. "I don't want to try. There's no point in trying." "So you're just going to pretend none of this ever happened?" "We had sex for two months, Derek. Nothing happened between us." "That's just a lie." "It's not a lie. We fucked all over the hospital." "We did," he nodded. "And it went hell of a lot deeper than that. Even if you want to end it, you don't get to cheapen what we had." "Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "It's over." "And you're not even going to admit it was something?" "It doesn't matter," she sighed, looking down at her shoes. "It's done and that's it." "Admit what we had." "Derek..." "If you want me to let this drop, just admit that the last two months have been something." "It's been...I don't know. Something. Something that's over." "Because of what your dad did?" he whispered. "What?" "He left you, he hurt you," Derek murmured. "He...didn't give you what you deserve." Meredith stared at him for a second before shaking her head. "He hurt me. He left. He got a new family. But no...it's...it's not that, Derek. It's...it's not that." "Then what exactly is it?" "It's...you and Hannah deserve...I know you're not looking for a mom for Hannah. I get that. She doesn't need one. But she deserves one. And you," she sat back down on the bed, "Derek, you deserve someone who's not afraid to commit. You deserve...you want something really big and...I can't give that to you." "I don't know if I want it with anyone else," Derek admitted quietly. "Don't say that." "It's how I feel, Mer." "You...you don't mean it," she shook her head. "You don't...you don't know me. And we're...and you're...you don't mean it." "You have no idea what I mean," he said quietly. "I'm...I have to go," she whispered, jumping back up from the bed. "Okay," he nodded, standing up with her. "Just...stop okay?" she whispered. "I'm not," he murmured. "Derek..." "Mer...your life...it's been hell. I'm...someone gets to give you what you deserve." "I'm fine, Derek. I don't need a knight in shining whatever." "Okay," he nodded slowly. "So you don't have to give me...I don't need it. I'm fine. My dad...I'm over that. I don't need someone giving me...I don't need it. So stop. Stop trying to save me. Stop trying to be this great guy that...I don't need it. And I don't need you. I'm okay by myself. I've always been okay by myself. So stop. Just stop." "I’m not trying to save you, I'm trying to be in your life." "You're trying to save me. You're trying to make it all better. I don't need it to be all better." "I'm trying to be with you." "Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "Meredith..." he sighed, suddenly reaching forward and pulling her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "What...what are you doing?" she breathed. "It's called a hug," he whispered. "Go with it." "I don't need a hug," she murmured, her head resting on his shoulder. "Sure you don't," he sighed, rubbing his hand along her back. "I'm sorry, Derek." "You have nothing to be sorry for." "You're doing it again." "The dreamy thing?" "Yeah," she breathed. "Good," he nodded. "I said you couldn't anymore." "Yeah, I heard you." "So you should consider stopping." "I could," he nodded. "But I'm not." "You're wasting your time," she sighed, pulling back and then kissing him gently. "We'll see about that," he smiled slightly. "Good bye, Derek," she sighed, pulling out of his arms. "See you later, Mer," he nodded. "Dr. Shepherd," she nodded as she opened the door and left him alone. He felt back onto the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. Now he know all the dark and twisty bits. It's all he had been asking for. He had been hearing can't for so long all he had wanted was some reasoning, so he knew what he was working with. And now he knew. Meredith's life hadn't been fair. Meredith's life had never showed her that things like this could work. But that didn't mean they couldn't. She didn't believe they could, but he knew this was something big. He knew this was a big step for her. And if she wasn't ready for it, he understood. But he wasn't going to stop. He wasn't going to walk away. He wanted her, he wanted to be with her. And he knew she wanted it too. Even if she couldn't admit it, she wanted this. She deserved her happily ever after. Everyone did but she did most of all. And he deserved her. He didn't care what she thought about him wanting to be with someone better than her, stronger or happier or whatever. He wanted to be with her, who thought she couldn't do this but definitely could. He saw the way she was with Hannah. He saw the way she looked at him when she was too caught up to catch herself. It all meant something. He wasn't going to let this go. He wasn't going to just walk away, not when she looked at him like that. Not when she loved Hannah. She was something else, and he wasn't going to let go. He deserved her, and she deserved to be happy. And he would do everything in his power to make her happy, no matter how much she hated it and told him to stop. I'd like to step into your world Show me a secret I promise to keep it safe and sheltered from the storm I would cross the great divide that keeps me swimming Treading water from your shore Disclaimer: Alicia and Katie would love to tell you in a creative way that we don't own Grey's Anatomy. But we've been staring at the new Patrick Dempsey pictures all day and have nothing to say...except we wish we owned him. She hated cardio. She hated being on cardio. Today was hell. She was on cardio and today was hell. Cardio was Cristina's thing. Neuro was her thing. The specialty, not the head of the department. He was definitely not her thing. If he was it would have bugged her that she hadn't talked him since the on call room the week before. That definitely would have bugged her. But it didn't, because he wasn't her thing or whatever. It didn't bug her that she saw him sometimes in the hallway and he would cast a smile her way. Actually, it did bug her. It bugged her because he was doing the dreamy thing. The thing they said they weren't going to do anymore. But it definitely didn't bug her. The seeing in the hallway thing. Because that was more than enough. She didn't need to talk to him. No talking. She was fine. It didn't bother her at all that Derek, Dr. Shepherd had asked for Stevens when she was standing right there. He wasn't punishing her, he was just giving them both some time. Because he needed to adjust to the fact they weren't going to happen. Ever. And that was okay. And she could probably use some time to make the strange aching in her chest go away. It's not like she missed him. That would be ridiculous. Missing him. Ridiculous and stupid and...stupid. Really, really stupid. Because he was her boss. He was her boss who had great hair and a perfect smile and amazing...she had to stop thinking about him like that. Because they weren't going to happen. Which was fine. He could be perfect with someone else. Someone who wasn't her. She tried to ignore the sharp pain intensifying with the thought. Because she wasn't his. And he wasn't hers. Which was...it was fine. They'd both go on and she'd eventually forget the look he had given her when she had told him to find someone else. Because that look had been enough to make her fall into his arms and mutter a thousand tiny apologies. And now it was making the ache in her chest grow just a tiny bit stronger. But that would all go away. Because she was fine and he was fine and eventually they'd just be colleagues again. So that was the plan. Ignore. Avoid. Forget. It worked. It had to work. She couldn't give him what he wanted, she couldn't be there for him and his daughter. So this would work. And she wouldn't be the slutty intern sleeping with the attending anymore. And he could go back to normal. He could just be her boss, and nothing else. It was a good plan. She just had to keep reminding herself that the inexplicable pain that came along with thinking of this plan would go away in time. She'd move on and the two months of something would become a really hot memory or something, nothing more. And that was good. That was beyond good. It needed to be a memory. She couldn't do anythin else, nothing else could happen. She finished writing in the chart in front of her, handing it to the nurse before looking at her watch. She had to pick up labs and then eat lunch and then check on the cardio patients she was working with. Stupid cardio. Well, not stupid. Cool. Very cool. But it wasn't her thing. It had never been her thing. This day was hell. Complete hell. "Mereith!" Only one person actually said her name like that. One person who's daddy she was trying to avoid and yet aching to see. Not aching to see...just...this was complicated. Far far too complicated. "Hannah!" Meredith greeted, trying to smile at the tiny girl standing beside her "Hi!" Hannah grinned at her, her blue eyes sparkling in excitement. "I haven't seened you in ages!" "It's been...a while," Meredith nodded slowly. "I've been...working." “That’s what Daddy said,” Hannah nodded. “He said you’re real busy cause you’re an intern and interns work more than ‘ttendings. That’s what Daddy is. He’s a ‘ttending and he does hemistomies. I asked him if you did lots of hemistomies and he said not no more. Don’t you like hemistomies, Mereith? I like ‘em even if it’s real gross cause there’s a whole lot of blood.” "Oh umm...yes, I like them," Meredith nodded again. "Are you...do you need your daddy?" “Nope. He’s doing hemsitomies.” "Oh...umm...okay...well...Uncle Monkey? Do you want Uncle Monkey?" Meredith asked, wanting to laugh despite everything at calling a boss Uncle Monkey. “Nope,” Hannah shook her head. “He’s got a sleepover with his new very bestest friend.” "Oh a sleep over, okay," Meredith nodded. "Um...who are you looking for, Hannah?" “You, silly,” Hannah giggled. "Me?" “Yep.” "Wh...why are you looking for me?" “Cause I gotta tell you about lots of stuff!” Hannah nodded, grabbing her hand. “And Daddy said you were working real hard and that’s why you didn’t come see me at ballet yet. So I came to see you.” "Oh umm...tell me stuff?" Meredith asked. “Yep,” Hannah opened her mouth. “I losted my tooth, see? And the tooth fairy gave me a whole dollar! Uncle Monkey said I should buy candy but Daddy says I should save it. Daddy’s kind of silly sometimes. But I lost it and when it fell out, it kinda hurt and there was lots of blood but Daddy made it all better. And gave me a ‘sicle. A cherry one. It was real good and it didn’t hurt no more!” "Oh that's good," Meredith nodded, gesturing for Debbie to page Derek. “And my ballet teacher said I was the very bestest and I told her I wanted to be a real true balleina and she said real true balleinas have pointed shoes. And it makes them stand all the way on their tippy toes! But I can’t have them til I’m lots bigger, like when I’m ten. That’s in a long time though and Daddy and teacher said I gotta wait or I’ll get hurt real bad.” "Than you should wait." “That’s what Daddy said,” Hannah sighed. “You missed Hallween, Mereith. Did you go trick or treating?” "Oh..umm...I worked," Meredith shrugged. "Did you?" “Yep,” Hannah nodded excitedly. “I was a balleina pwincess and Daddy was a ninja and Uncle Monkey was...guess what Uncle Monkey was.” "A monkey?" “A surgeon monkey!” Hannah giggled. "A surgeon monkey?" “Yep,” Hannah nodded. “It was real funny and I got all kinds of candy but Daddy’s hiding it cause it’s real bad for me but Uncle Monkey showed me where it is and he gets me some sometimes when Daddy has to be a doctor ‘stead of a daddy. I got a whole lots of chocolate and it’s real yummy and Daddy gives me one piece after dinner. And then Uncle Monkey gives me two more! So that’s three!” "Oh...does...Daddy know?" “Nope. He’d get real mad at Uncle Monkey.” "He would," Meredith agreed. “So you can’t tell him, okay? You can’t tell no one.” "I won't." “Pinky swear,” Hannah held up her pinky finger. "What?" “Pinky swear.” "Oh...umm how?" “Silly Mereith,” Hannah rolled her eyes. “You gotta hold out your tiny finger.” "Okay," Meredith nodded, holding her finger out like Hannah was. : “And then you go like this,” Hannah wrapped her pinky finger around Meredith’s squeezing tightly. “And you gotta say pinky swear.” "Pinky swear," Meredith smiled. : “Good,” Hannah nodded, releasing Meredith’s finger. “You gotta do one more thing. Cause this is a real big secret cause I Daddy’d get mad at me and Uncle Monkey so you gotta cross your heart, stick a needle in your eye, and hope to die.” "Oh I know that one," Meredith nodded, doing the motions. "Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye." “Yep,” Hannah smiled. “Oh, I ‘most forgot to tell you, Mereith. My class had a parade of Hallween costumes and guess what?” "What?" “I woned cookies for pwettiest costume!” "That's great, Hannah." “I know. I was the bestest and the pwettiest and I ate all the cookies and they were real good. Do you like cookies?” "Cookies are...good." “Course they are. I like chocolate cookies and oatmeal cookies and my nana makes the bestest sugar cookies ever!” "Yummy." “Daddy!” Hannah suddenly said as Derek rounded the corner, tearing off his scrub cap. "I thought I heard people saying there was a really pretty ballerina loose in the hospital," Derek smiled as he walked up to them. “She snuck out of daycare,” Meredith sighed, not meeting his eyes as he scooped up Hannah into his arms. "Snuck isn't actually the right word when you walk in and out of it as you please," Derek sighed, smiling at her. "Sorry." “I had to see Mereith, Daddy,” Hannah grinned from his arms. “I had to tell her about my tooth and my dollar and my pointed shoes and Hallween and the surgeon monkey and candy and the party at school and Nana’s cookies and...” "Slow down, Han," Derek laughed. "You know Meredith is busy when she's at work." “She was at recess,” Hannah nodded wisely. "Interns don't get recess," Derek sighed. “How come?” "Because they're adults, only kids get recess," Derek smiled before turning to look at Meredith again. "Sorry if she was keeping you from something important." “Oh, um...just...labs and stuff,” Meredith stammered slightly, still not meeting his eyes. The ache in her chest intensified and she bit her lip. She was fine. He was fine. They were fine. "If you're too busy to talk just tell her, she understands." “She wasn’t busy, Daddy, honest.” "And how do you know that?" Derek asked. “Cause I looked first. I waited til she was done writing.” "Good girl," Derek nodded. "Really...sorry, Mer." “No, it’s...it’s fine,” Meredith shook her head. “I just...she came to see me.” "She likes you," Derek shrugged. "And she's missed you." “Oh,” Meredith breathed. “I...you should...I mean...she’s not in daycare. So you should...um, fix it.” "She doesn't like staying in daycare. I can talk to her about coming to see you if you want...but I can't make promises she won't come. She has a mind of her own." “Daycare’s silly. I wanna watch a surgery,” Hannah nodded, wrapping her arms around Derek’s neck. “Mereith, come watch a hemistomies with me.” "Meredith probably has too many things to do to watch them with you," Derek told his daughter, then looked at Meredith again. "You can if you want or have time though." “I’m...I’m on cardio.” "I know," he nodded. "Bored, yet?" “A little,” she admitted quietly, smiling slightly as her eyes finally met his. "I can get you on neuro soon if you want," he offered. "Or plastics if that's any better." “I...” she paused for a second. Neuro would be good. She was good at neuro. Amazing at neuro. “Dr. Stevens isn’t helping you enough?” "She is," Derek nodded. "But I can't actually make promises in how long it is till I kill her and I'll need another intern." “Killing’s bad, Daddy.” "You don't know Dr. Stevens, honey." “Nana says killing’s always bad.” "Nana also doesn't know Dr. Stevens." “You chose her,” Meredith pointed out, her voice suddenly stronger as the pain shot through her. "I know," he nodded, frowning slightly. "I shouldn't have." “No,” she murmured, looking back down. “It’s good you did.” "Mer...its not," he shook his head. “No, it is,” she nodded. “She...I need to learn something else, probably.” "Not if you know what you want." “I don’t. That’s...that’s the point.” "If you didn't, not being on neuro wouldn't be hurting so much." “It’s not hurting,” she shook her head. “I’m fine.” "I hate that word." “What word?” "Fine." “Well that’s what I am. I’m fine. Completely fine. Cardio is...cardio is fine.” "Fine," Derek nodded. "This conversation can wait till Hannah's not around." “We’re not having this conversation at all,” she shrugged, suddenly itching to walk away from him. Walk away before she did something else. “You should get her back to daycare.” "I will," he nodded. "Hannah, tell Meredith you'll see her later." “Can I come see you later, Mereith?” Hannah asked. "Oh umm...okay," Meredith nodded slightly. “We gotta make an ‘ppointment,” Hannah nodded eagerly. "An appointment?" Meredith asked. “Yep,” Hannah nodded. “So I don’t get in trouble if you’re real busy.” "Oh...okay," Meredith nodded slowly. “Tell Daddy when you’re not busy, kay?” "Okay," Meredith nodded. “Bye, Mereith,” Hannah grinned, reaching out her arms for a hug. "Oh umm...bye Hannah," Meredith murmured, stepping forward to awkwardly hug her. “See you later!” Hannah giggled, pulling away to wrap her arms around Derek’s neck. "You will," Derek nodded, smiling at Meredith. “Labs,” Meredith murmured. “I have labs.” "You do," Derek grinned. “Goodbye, Dr. Shepherd,” she sighed. "See you later, Dr. Grey." “Bye, Mereith!” Hannah waved as Derek turned and moved into an elevator, the doors closing quickly and blocking them both from view. The ache in her chest returned the second they were gone. That stupid stupid ache. She wanted to avoid him, she wanted to avoid them. And she could have. She could have told Hannah that she was too busy to talk. But Meredith was quite certain those eyes were actually impossible to say no too. It took enough strength to keep saying no to Derek, she couldn't do it to Hannah too. Hopefully Derek would talk to her, tell her to stop. Because it wasn’t easy when a five year old wanted her around so bad. Derek...he was a grown man, he had to deal with the rejection. But Hannah...Derek needed to talk to her. So that she would stop coming around and being adorable and amazing, and giving her those Shepherd eyes. It was cute, Meredith just wasn’t sure why Hannah liked her so much. They had talked three times, for now. And every single time Meredith had felt entirely awkward and that she was screwing everything up. She didn't know how to talk to children but she was pretty sure it was more than the awkward one word answers she was using right now. She hadn't even known how to pinky swear. And Hannah was five. Hannah had no reason to like her. She was just being a five year old. Kids were weird like that. Derek would talk to her and sooner or later she’d get over it. And then she could return back to her normal life. Without the cute five year old who wanted to be a real true ballerina. And without the neurosurgeon who made her wish this could be ten times easier. I told myself I won't miss you But I remember What it feels like beside you



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:11 PM Post #8
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: The pictures of Paddy are still too hot for us to think of any good disclaimer. So let's just say...if we owned the show that would be our beds Paddy is all stretched out half naked on. Derek flipped through the paperwork on his desk, rubbing his forehead as he signed yet another piece of paper. He had been at this all afternoon, sorting through the massive amounts of paperwork that seemed to multiply everytime he sat down. Of course, it was only made worse by Dr. Stevens’ constant questions and pages about their VIP pages. He really needed to figure out why Bailey kept assigning the blonde to him. She was probably trying to drive him nuts by sending him the most annoying intern day in and day out. Not that Stevens wasn't nice, or sweet or possibly a good doctor. She was just too perky and eager to learn. Getting her every now and then would be fun but every day made him want to take a bullet to his head, or even better hers. Or maybe not head...then he'd just have to operate on her. He already missed Meredith. And not because of the obvious, but purely for her professional skills. She was an ace at neuro, she got it and she was amazing at it. And she wasn’t unbearably perky. So he missed her, really missed her. Everytime he thought about requesting her, he found out she was on cardio or gyno. And it was driving him nuts. He had to talk to Bailey. Meredith would be less than pleased with him for dragging her back to him but this just wasn't fair to either of them. It was driving him nuts going days without really seeing her, without talking to her. When he did see her it was accompanied by an ache in his chest that made him think that maybe it was time to start really chasing her again. “Daddy?” Hannah asked from where she sat in front of a small table, crayons surrounding her. "Yeah?" “We’re gonna eat turkey at Nana’s for Tanksgivin’ right?” "Yep," Derek nodded. “Where does the turkey come from?” "It comes from the store." “How does it get to the store?” "The farmer," Derek shrugged. “Are you real sure, Daddy?” she asked as she traced her left hand. "Yeah, Han," Derek nodded. "Why?” “Cause Kevin at school said him and his daddy go kill turkey for dinner.” "Oh," Derek sighed, smiling slightly at his daughter. "Some families do that, they go and kill a turkey. But Grandma buys it at a store who got it from a farmer." “Does the farmer kill the turkey or does he grow it?” "He...kills it." “He does?” Hannah looked from her coloring, her lower lip quivering. "Oh honey, it's okay," Derek sighed. "It's not...the turkeys aren't...they're not pets or wild animals...they're raised to be...killed." “But, Daddy,” she stood up and ran over to him, a piece of paper in her hand, “today we learneded how to draw turkeys with our hand and they make funny noises, like gobble gobble and they’re...killing’s bad, Daddy!” "Killing is bad. But we have to kill some things so we can eat and live. It's how the world works." “But they’re like my hand,” she shoved the picture of her hand turned turkey into his face. "That's a beautiful turkey," Derek nodded. "But...it's...turkeys are raised to be eaten." “I don’t wanna eat turkey no more.” "But you love turkey." “Not no more.” "But if you don't eat Uncle Monkey will," Derek pointed out.' “Uncle Monkey can’t have no more turkey. And you can’t have turkey no more too, Daddy.” "But I like turkey." “They kill turkey, Daddy.” "I know," Derek nodded. "But...they kill a lot of things so we can eat them. It's just...it's how things work." “No more turkey,” Hannah said firmly, looking down at her picture. “You’ll be the meanest daddy ever if you eat turkey.” "I'll..what?" “Be the meanest daddy ever.” "But I've been eating turkey my whole life." “No more turkey, Daddy.” "Hannah, I'm not going to stop eating turkey," Derek sighed. “Then you’ll be the meanest daddy ever.” "Hannah Rose Shepherd...people eat turkey. And they cow and pig and chicken. It's what we do. Just like lions eat zebras and bears eat fish." “I eat pigs?” Hannah frowned. “Like Piglet?” "Not like Piglet," Derek shook his head quickly. “But Piglet’s a pig.” "Yes...but he's...he's a stuffed pig that comes to life." “But he’s a pig, Daddy.” "Yes...but...Hannah, if you stop eating meat you have to give up a lot of your favourite foods." “What if Piglet comes alive and someone kills him cause they think he’s a real pig but he’s not a real pig, Daddy and then we ate Piglet?” she asked, ignoring him. "No one would kill Piglet." “What if they killed him on ccident?” "They won't." “But what if they did?” "It's not going to," Derek shook his head. “But what if they did?” Hannah repeated and then stopped when saw Bailey walking by Derek’s office. “Dr. Miranda! Dr. Miranda!” "Hannah!" Bailey greeted. “Dr. Miranda, you gotta tell my daddy he can’t eat no more turkey cause if he eats turkey he’ll be the meanest daddy in the world and if he eats pig and he eats Piglet he’ll be the meanest daddy in the whole u-verse!” "Now why would your daddy not eat turkey?" “Cause they kill ‘em, Dr. Miranda,” Hannah nodded. “They kill ‘em and that’s real bad cause they’re like my hand, see!” She held up her picture. “And cause they make funny noises like gobble gobble and I like turkeys but they kill ‘em. Daddy said. So he can’t eat no more turkey.” "The turkeys are made to be killed," Bailey shrugged. “But I like turkeys. And they’re like my hand!” "Some turkeys are like your hand. But those aren't the turkeys people kill." “They’re not?” "Nope. They're not cute and they're not friendly." “Are they real mean, Dr. Miranda?” "Very mean. If you're not careful they'll bite you. Not hard, you won't need a doctor but it would hurt." “Biting’s not nice.” "No it definitely isn't," Bailey shook her head. "But you don't have to worry, those are the turkeys you eat. Not the nice cute ones." “Ohhhh,” Hannah nodded. “What about Piglet, Dr. Miranda?” "You're definitely not going to be eating Piglet," Bailey smiled. "The pigs they use for food are big and stinky." “Piglet’s not big and stinky,” Hannah smiled slightly. "Exactly," Bailey nodded. “Okay,” Hannah nodded slowly. “You can eat turkey, Daddy. But you gotta make sure it’s not cute turkey. You gotta make sure Nana gets the mean turkeys.” "I'll make sure," Derek smiled. “Good,” she said firmly. “Dr. Miranda, I’m gonna draw you a cute turkey.” "Thank you, Hannah," Bailey grinned. Hannah turned back to her table, putting her left hand down on paper and pulling out an orange crayon. “Thanks for that,” Derek sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I thought I was going to have a five year old vegetarian on my hands.” "No problem," Bailey laughed softly. "You would have figured it out." “Not sure I would have,” Derek shook his head slightly, smiling at Hannah. “And I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to ask you a favor.” "A favour?" Bailey frowned. “Yes, about one of your interns.” "Grey?" “Well, yes,” Derek nodded. "And what is it exactly that you want?" “She shows a real promise in neuro,” Derek nodded. “She enjoys it, she’s good at it. I feel she’s wasting her time with cardio and plastics and ob/gyn.” "Oh you do?" “I do. Sloan doesn’t let her scrub in, she doesn’t enjoy cardio, and I’m sure she isn’t even thinking about obstetrics and gynecology. I think it would be best for her career if she were to spend some time with me in neuro.” "Her career? You're concerned for her career?" “Of course I am,” Derek nodded firmly. “I’m her boss and her teacher.” "And that's everything?" “Of course.” "Why do I not believe you?" “I have no idea. But do I need to remind you that technically, I’m your boss?” "I'm not afraid of you." “And I was your resident your intern year,” he grinned. "You were," Bailey nodded. "It's a wonder I managed to learn anything.' “I was an excellent teacher,” Derek frowned. "I spent more time holding Hannah than I spent holding a scalpel." “And I’m forever thankful for that,” Derek nodded. "And now you're sucking up." “Miranda,” Derek sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “the other interns...O’Malley doesn’t have the confidence for neuro, Stevens is too damn perky, Karev has an attitude problem, and Yang...Yang has more interest in cardio than anything else. And she doesn’t hesitate to tell me that. I work well with Grey, and I feel I could teach her a lot.” "I'd be happy to give her to you if you hadn't been so concerned about...stuff earlier." “That’s...over,” Derek said, wincing slightly at the words. "It's over?" “Grey wants nothing to do with me,” Derek nodded. “Except for in a professional capacity.” "What happened?" “Nothing,” Derek shook his head, shooting a glance towards Hannah. “She’s an intern, and I’m an attending.” "Was it because of...you know?" Bailey asked gently. “A part of it, yes,” Derek sighed. "I'm sorry, Derek," Bailey sighed. “She...um, she wasn’t sure,” Derek murmured. “It was something she wasn’t sure she was ready for.” "It's something big," Bailey nodded. "But she's the one missing out." “Hmmm,” Derek sighed and then looked up at her. “Can I have her on my service?” "She does like neuro the most," Bailey sighed. “She does. She’d get the best experience if she were on my service.” "Fine," Bailey nodded. "On one condition." “What?” Derek grinned. "You don't use this to try anything stupid. She's your intern. That's it." “What would I possibly do with her?” "You know exactly what I'm talking about," Bailey warned, looking at Hannah quickly. “I’ll be on my best behavior,” he couldn’t help but smirk. “Scout’s honor.” "Were you ever even a scout?" “I was,” Derek laughed. “Until Mark and I got kicked out of camp.” "Should have known." “For the record, it was Mark’s fault. And his idea to sneak over to the girl scout camp.” "That actually makes sense." “I was an entirely innocent observer.” "You're lucky your daughter is in the room." “You say that a lot,” Derek chuckled. "I wouldn't have to if you would stop being an idiot." “Hey, my daughter’s in the room,” Derek frowned. "She'll figure that part out soon enough." “Dr. Miranda,” Hannah jumped up, “this is Ted the Turkey.” She held up a piece of paper. "Oh wow," Bailey smiled. "Ted looks very nice." “He is,” Hannah nodded. “He won’t bite you.” "Good," Bailey grinned. “So don’t let no one eat him,” Hannah sighed. “And you gotta hang him up like Daddy hangs up my pictures at home.” "I will. I'll put him on my fridge the second I get home," Bailey nodded. “Good,” Hannah grinned. “Daddy, do you wanna turkey?” "Sure, Hannah Banana," Derek smiled. “What do you wanna name him?” "You can name him whatever you want." “Do you think Mereith wants a turkey?” she asked as she sat down again at her table. "You can make her one," Derek nodded. “It’ll be a surprise!” Hannah grinned as she traced her hand again. "Okay," Derek smiled. “Don’t tell her, Dr. Miranda,” Hannah grinned. "I won't breathe a word," Bailey grinned. "And Shepherd, it's on you to explain the little arrangement." “I will,” Derek sighed. “I get her tomorrow?” "She's all yours," Bailey nodded. “Thank you,” Derek nodded as her pager went off. “I’ll talk to her in the morning about it.” "Good," Bailey nodded. "And I have to go. See you later, Hannah." “Bye, Dr. Miranda.” "Bye Shepherd," Bailey sighed. "And if you mess with her, you'll be hearing from me." “I had a feeling,” Derek nodded as he picked up his pen. "Good," Bailey nodded, walking out of the room. “Is it time to go home yet, Daddy?” Hannah asked, her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth as she colored. "Yep, just finishing my paperwork up," Derek nodded, signing the bottom of one page. "Tired?" “Nope,” she shook her head. “Hungry.” "What do you want for supper?" “Hmm...bsghetti.” "With meat balls?" “What’s meatballs?” she asked. “Is it pig?” "It's cow." “Mean cow or good cow?” "Very mean cow." “Okay,” she nodded. “With meat balls.” "Good," he smiled, getting up from his desk and throwing some books in his bag. “And bread too,” she said as she gathered her own backpack. “And chocolate milk.” "Sounds good," Derek grinned. “Really, really good,” she grinned. “Come on, Daddy, let’s go.” "Let's go," Derek smiled, reaching out for his daughter's hand. He couldn’t help but grin as he led her to the elevators, as she rambled on and on about pilgrims and turkeys and everything else she was learning about in school as Thanksgiving came closer. He hadn’t expected Bailey to give into his plan, at least not that easily. He had really thought he would have to beg. But she had given in and he was getting Meredith back. Disclaimer: If Mer/Der don’t work out by winter hiatus, we give you guys permission to start a petition for us to write for the show. We’re kidding. Maybe. I mean, we don’t own it now, but we could. Maybe. "Grey, Stevens, come here I have to talk to you," Bailey's voice interupted the interns talking as she stuck her head in the door. “Crap,” Meredith muttered to Izzie. “Did you do anything?” "No," Izzie frowned. "Did you?" “Besides getting Sloan the wrong drink,” Meredith sighed, “no.” "Do I look like I have all day? Lives are waiting, hurry your asses up," Bailey snapped. “Sorry, Dr. Bailey,” Meredith said quickly as she and Izzie walked up to her. "Change of assignments...Grey, you're with Shepherd, Stevens you've got Sloan." “What?” Meredith frowned. “But we’re...Izzie has been on the case and I...why?” "Because I said so," Bailey frowned. “But...why?” Meredith sighed. "Talk to Shepherd," Bailey informed her. “I’d rather be with Sloan, Dr. Bailey,” Meredith tried, the prospect of talking to Derek, Dr. Shepherd, causing her heart to race. "And I'd rather be on some tropical island." “Dr. Bailey, Izzie knows the patient. She’s familiar with the case.” "I'm aware of that, Dr. Grey." “Then...why?” "Because some people are idiots," Bailey groaned. "Go." “Fine,” Meredith sighed. "If it's so fine why are you still standing here?" “Going,” Meredith nodded as she walked off, Izzie next to her. “Sorry, Iz.” "It's okay," Izzie shrugged. “Do you...I mean...did Shepherd tell you he was going to do this?” "He didn't say anything about it," Izzie shook her head. "Though...I don't he likes me that much." “Why not?” Meredith sighed, biting the side of her cheek to keep from laughing. "Just how he looks at me," Izzie sighed. "I mean...he's like super nice, a great guy, amazing doctor but when he looks at me...I get the feeling he really wishes I'd go away." “Probably not, Iz,” Meredith tried to comfort her friend, all the while trying very hard not to laugh. "Yeah well...it will be nice to have an easier day anyway," Izzie shrugged. “Good luck with Sloan,” Meredith nodded. “I’ll see you later.” "See you," Izzie nodded. Meredith sighed as she jogged up the stairs, wondering what the hell was going on. She had been with Sloan the day before, and she was supposed to be with him today. She had never actually seen this happen, never actually had Bailey change assignments in the middle of the shift. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy to be on neuro again, but she had a very weird feeling about it. And Bailey not having a reason even seemed wierder. Bailey never did anything without an explanation and doing something like this out of the blue for no reason at all seemed just wierd. So there had to be something Bailey wasn't telling her, something else was going on and she had no idea what it was but she didn't need to actually be a brain surgeon to know Derek was behind this. She hadn’t talked to him since Hannah had snuck out of daycare to see her. She hadn’t seen him at all. Somehow, she had gotten lucky and not gotten onto his service. Which was good. Really, really good. But now, suddenly, she was being pulled from another service to be on neuro. Derek definitely had something to do with it. Which just pissed her off. He wasn’t supposed to play favorites, ever. "Dr. Grey," his voice suddenly came out of no where. “Dr. Shepherd,” she turned. “I’m apparently with you today.” "You are," he nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Although..before we round there's something I'd like to discuss with you in my office." “First tell me why the hell Dr. Stevens is off the case,” she frowned. “And why I was pulled off of plastics.” "Exactly why we need to to go my office," he sighed. “You did this, didn’t you?” she asked as she followed him to his office. "I did this," he nodded, as he opened the door. "But let me explain." “Let me guess. This is your idea of trying to get back into my pants? Seriously? Seriously. Derek, Dr. Shepherd, I am not...we’re not doing this. We’re done. We agreed. We’re done. I ended it. It’s over.” "Dr. Grey," he said evenly. "Do you really think that this it what this is about?" “Oh,” she bit her lip. He only called her Dr. Grey when they were working, when they were really working. “Um...I mean, if it’s...then...why?” "I think this is good for your career," he sighed, going to lean against his desk. “My career?” Meredith raised an eyebrow. “You’re worried about my career?” "Last time I checked I was your boss," he shrugged. "I'm trying to watch out for you. And this...it could be good for you." “How?” she demanded. “I’m an intern. I’m supposed to try several different specialities.” "Are you really even interested in anything else?" “I don’t...maybe general.” "And you'll still have a chance occasionally." “Occasionally?” she asked. “So...what...I’m on your service until...” "You're on my service," Derek smiled. "There's no actual timeline. You're on my service. You're free to work with others occasionally, and obviously in cases of major emergencies. But you're...my intern." “Your intern? Seriously? Seriously. You can’t...it’s favoritism. It’s complete and total...no. I’m not going to do this. No.” "It's not favourtism," he shook his head. "You love neuro, you're good at neuro. It doesn't make sense for you to waste your time on the other things." “I’m an intern. I like doing other things. I’m supposed to do other things. And what do you think the other interns are going to say? They’re going to say I get this because we fucked all over the hospital.” "Did anyone even ever know about that?" “Cristina,” Meredith sighed. “And...I’m not sure. I think Izzie did. She hinted. But Cristina did. And I don’t want people to think...no. I’m not doing this.” "Meredith...us...don't let us play into this. You want neuro. And this...you'd be working under the best. All the time." “If we hadn’t slept together you wouldn’t even have noticed me. You wouldn’t even be offering this.” "I would be. I've worked with a lot of interns. Out of all of them...you show more promise than anyone else in neuro ever has." “That’s...I...that doesn’t matter,” Meredith shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I have things to prove. And I’m not going to get anything because of who my mom is or because of who I slept with.” "This isn't because I slept with you," he sighed. "God, Mer...Bailey agreed to this. Do you think she would have done that if she didn't think it was a good decision?" “I don’t know why Bailey agreed to this,” she rolled her eyes. “But that doesn’t mean I want it. It doesn’t mean...did it ever occur to you to ask me? Or did you just hope I’d be completely happy and want to work with the brilliant neurosurgeon?” "If you really don't want this...and not because of us, but just because...than you can work with me today and I'll talk to Bailey again." “Seriously?” she frowned. "Seriously," he nodded. "I think this could be a great opportunity for you. But if you don't want this....you don't have to do it." “Oh,” she sighed, chewing on her lip. “Why didn’t you ask me?” "I don't know," he shrugged. "I thought of it yesterday and I just went with it. Sorry." “And you’re not doing it to sleep with me or chase me or...whatever?” "I'm not," he shook his head. "This is for your career. I can't promise not to talk advantage of the time we'll have together, but that's not what this is about. You're an intern, I'm just trying to give you your best shot." “Take advantage?” "Flirting, Mer," he laughed softly. "No promises of no flirting." “No,” she shook her head firmly, stepping up to him. “If we’re going to do this, there are rules. Big rules. Really big rules that you have to follow. And lines you can’t cross. Lines will be drawn and you can’t cross them and no, I don’t need a marker. So there are rules. And you have to swear to follow the rules or I’ll...I’ll tell Bailey.” "Okay," he nodded. "What are the rules?" “First, no flirting. None. No sexy talk. No...flirting. At all. Second, no asking me out on dates or ice cream things or...anything. No asking me out at all. I’m your interns. Interns don’t go out on dates with attendings. Third, no kissing or sex or anything that involves your body and my body doing anything even vaguely dirty. And you have to treat me just like you treat the other interns.” "Okay," he nodded. “Okay?” she asked, looking up at him. "Okay," he repeated. “Good.” "Good," he smiled. “And if you break any of the rules, I talk to Bailey and this is done,” she said firmly. "Understood." “Okay,” she sighed, nodding. “Then I’m your intern.” "You're my intern," he smiled. “And stop looking at me like that.” "Like what?" “Like...dreamy. No dreaminess. And no leaning.” "Oh no," he shook his head. "We've already set out rules...and that wasn't in them." “Well now there’s new rules.” "No," he shook his head. "I agreed to the rules, you agreed the rules. There's no amendments." “I’m amending. There are amendments. And dreaminess and leaning...that’s like flirting.” "Leaning? You're honestly not going to let me lean?" “No leaning.” "Fine," he groaned. "I don't need to lean." “Good,” she nodded. “And no dreaminess.” "How am I supposed to even control that?" “You know you do it. I know you know you do it because when I complain you get all smirky and Derek-y. And no smirking either. Or being Derek-y.” "I can't be Derek?" “No. You’re Dr. Shepherd. You have to be Dr. Shepherd. And I’m Dr. Grey. Not Meredith. Not Mer. Dr. Grey.” "Okay...but...I tend to call people I work with a lot by their first names." “That’s nice,” Meredith shrugged. “I’m Dr. Grey.” "Fine," he groaned. “Fine,” she sighed. "So we're good?" “We’re good,” she nodded. “For now.” "Okay," he nodded and then smiled. "I have something for you." “Okay, gifts? Gifts are against the rules too.” "It's not from me," he laughed, grabbing a paper out of his briefcase and handing it to her. Meredith looked down at the paper, a smile she couldn’t stop spreading across her face as she looked down at the hand-turkey drawing, along with the words To Meredith, obviously written in Derek’s handwriting. “It’s...it’s a turkey.” "It's Tom the Turkey," Derek smiled. “Tom the turkey?” she giggled. "Hannah named him," he laughed gently. “Why a turkey?” she smiled. "She's learning about Thanksgiving in school. I nearly had a vegetarian daughter on my hands." “Seriously? Why?” "She just discovered where turkey meat is from." “And she didn’t want to kill Tom the Turkey?” "Or any other turkey." “How’d you talk her out of it?” "I didn't," Derek sighed. "Bailey convinced her the turkeys we eat are evil." “Evil turkeys?” Meredith gigled. "Apparently they bite." “Nice,” she smiled. “Tell her...tell her thanks. From me.” "I will," Derek grinned. “Okay,” she nodded, folding the picture and putting it in her lab coat. "Oh and you have to hang it up somewhere. She made me promise to tell you that." “Oh, um...I’ll hang it up in my locker or something.” "She'd like that," Derek grinned. “So you can tell her that,” Meredith nodded. "I will." “Good.” "She'll be happy." “Isn’t she always happy?” "You have a point," Derek laughed. “I haven’t seen her upset yet,” Meredith shrugged. “But I mean...I’ve only talked to her like...three times.” "She doesn't get upset very often." “That’s good,” Meredith sighed, rocking back and forth on her heels. “So um...” "Yeah..." he nodded. "Umm...I have a hemispherectomy today." “A hemispherectomy,” Meredith nodded and then grinned. “Hemispherectomy. That’s why Hannah thinks you do hemistomies.” "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the word she's trying for." “It makes sense now,” Meredith nodded. “Okay, hemishpherectomy.” "Hemispherectomy," he smiled, tilting his head to the side before straightening again. "Sorry." “You did it.” "I said sorry," he frowned. “You still did it.” "I know," he sighed. "Working on stopping." “Good,” she nodded. “So what do you need me to do, Dr. Shepherd?” "I have to check on my post ops from last night, you can help with that," Derek nodded. "And I have a minor craniotomy at ten, so I'll have you run our afternoon patients for last minute tests." “Okay,” Meredith nodded, writing down the instructions in a notebook. “Anything else?” "I think that's it," he sighed. "Well that's within the rules. Was saying that against the rules?" “Yes,” she frowned. “Definitely against the rules. That was...that’s...it’s flirting. And there’s no flirting. Definitely no flirting. Or sexy talk. And that was rule number one.” "Sorry," he nodded, trying to stiffle a laugh. “You’re laughing at me.” "No, I'm not." “You are.” "I'm not." “You are,” she pouted. “Why are you laughing at me?” "You're just...cute," he shrugged. "Which I know is definitely against the rules." “That is...you can’t call me cute,” she said firmly. “That’s against the rules and there are rules for a reason. A really big reason. Because if there weren’t rules then you would be allowed to lean and be dreamy which would then make me want to do really, really dirty things. And that’s bad because we can’t do really dirty things. Definitely no dirty things. That’s rule number three.” "You want to do dirty things?" “No,” Meredith shook her head. “I don’t...not now. Because you’re not leaning. Or being dreamy. Or smirking. Because those things and...that’s why there are rules so I don’t want to do dirty things and so you can’t do things. Because dirty things are...dirty and bad and we can’t do them and I really, really need to shut up now.” "But suggesting I did those things...you'd then want to do dirty things to me?" “I...this is against the rules.” "Rules are made to be broken," he whispered. “Dr. Shepherd!” "They are," he shrugged. "But really...I like when you're bossy." “Are you flirting? Because that sounds like flirting.” "It's...an observation." “A flirtatious observation.” "You're paranoid." “You’re flirting. Which is against rule number one.” "I'm not much of a rule person." “You agreed to the rules.” "Did I?" “Yes. You said okay. And then you said fine.” "Oh..." he nodded slowly. "Sorry." “So you have to be a rules person,” she sighed. “No flirting.” "Fun killer." “What?” "You heard me." “I am not a fun killer,” she rolled her eyes. “And I’m going to do things. Work things. Intern things.” "Okay," he nodded. “And you’re going to go do attending things.” "Okay," he nodded again. “Stop saying okay.” "Sorry." “No you’re not.” "I could be." “Are you?” "Well...no." “That’s what I thought,” she sighed. “So I’m going.” "You go," he nodded. “I’m going,” she shrugged, backing towards the door. "Okay," he grinned, walking toward her. “And you should stay,” she nodded slightly. "I have patients to check on," he shrugged. "With you." “Fine,” she rolled her eyes. "Fine," he nodded. “So...going.” "Going," he nodded, reaching his hand out to her. “What...we can’t hand hold.” "I just...I know," he nodded. “Then...why?” she stared at his hand. "I want to." “You want to...hold my hand? At work?” "I just want to touch you....and that sounded dirtier than it should be." “You can’t touch me. There’s no touching. That’s rule number...it’s a rule. And we’re not touching. No touching at all. So no touching. Dirty or otherwise.” "Sorry," he murmured. “So...that’s another rule. No touching,” she backed into his door. "I told you...we had the rules set and agreed, you don't get to change them." “Actually, I think I can when you already broke the rules.” "So I can break that one too?" he smirked, grabbing her hand. “Derek!” she gasped, her tightening instinctively. “What...there’s no...we said no...I’m your intern. Do you hold Izzie’s hand?” "I can't stand Izzie." “Do you hold Cristina’s hand? Or George’s? Or Alex’s?” "Well no...but Cristina might bite and I'm not gay." “Then you don’t get to hold my hand.” "But I am." “Let go, Derek,” she murmured. "I will," he nodded, pulling her slightly closer. “Derek,” her body tensed. “Let go.” "Fine," he sighed, dropping her hand but not stepping back. “You...Derek,” she whispered, tipping her head up, her eyes slightly closed. "Mer..." he breathed, his hand traveling up and down her arm. “We...you...” she leaned back against the door, shivering slightly at his touch. "Hmmm..." he nodded, dipping his head down low. “Derek,” she murmured as his lips brushed hers. She moaned slightly before reaching up to push his head down, the kiss deepening. "Mer..." he moaned softly against her lips, his hands traveling to her back and pulling her closer. She moaned a little louder, her fingers tugging at the curls at the base of his neck, his hands moving to squeeze her ass. “Der...” "Oh...Mer..." he groaned softly. “Derek,” she murmured and then took her hands down, putting them against his chest, and pushed him away. “No. No. That’s....rules...no...no.” She turned quickly, opening the door and running out, slamming the door behind her. Derek smiled to himself and rubbed his lips. He probably shouldn't have kissed her. The idea of keeping her on his service had been a genius way to keep her around but if he kept kissing her that wasn't going to work at all. But she had kissed him back and until she had freaked out she had definitely been enjoying it. That was good. He could hold onto that. I know that goodbye means nothing at all Disclaimer: Alicia can not think of a good disclaimer as Katie woke her up really early to show her the pictures of Paddy. But we don't own the show. And those pictures...we'll say they're too blame for this update being only appropriate for 18+. “I just...I mean, where does he get off flirting with me one second and then going all, concentrate Dr. Grey on me?” Meredith groaned as she stabbed her fork into her salad. "Where does he even get off thinking he can flirt with me?" "He's a man," Cristina shrugged. "They think they have the right to flirt with anybody." "Well, he's not supposed to flirt," Meredith said firmly. "I said no flirting. Rule number one. No flirting." "Rules are for sissies," Alex laughed. "Real men don't follow stupid rules.' "Real men also aren't evil," Izzie rolled her eyes. "Real men are definitely evil, Barbie," Cristina laughed. "Well except for Alex...he's not a real man and yet still evil." "You should try being a real woman, Yang," Alex shrugged. "Might get you laid." "Oh I get plenty of action," Cristina grinned. "Am I the only one not getting action?" Izzie groaned. "I'm not getting action," Meredith pointed out. "Because I don't want to get action, well not from anyone that wants action with me. Definitely don't want any action with him." "You totally want to do McDreamy," Cristina smirked. "I do not," Meredith frowned. "He's all you talked about for the past week and a half," Izzie pointed out. "What? No. I haven't...no, there's no...I haven't been." "You kind of have, Meredith," George nodded. "I mean, he's your boss so it's okay, I guess." "You actually talked less about him when you were jumping him all over the hospital," Cristina pointed out. "You should go back to that. Slutty Meredith is more fun and quieter." "You have no right to talk about slutty anyone," Meredith said to her friend. "At least Derek doesn't withhold surgeries." "No, he sticks you on his service and makes you follow him everywhere." "Okay, neuro is awesome," Meredith said around her food. "It's really awesome. I get to cut brains in half and fix spinal injuries. Burke won't even let you scrub in right now." "Burke's an ass," Cristina groaned. "At least you guys don't have Sloan," Izzie sighed. "He spends half the day staring at my breasts and asking if I want a taste of his pickle. I'm pretty sure it's sexual harassment." "Apparently Derek can make him stop doing that," Meredith sighed. "Don't worry, I've got him to stop for now," Izzie shrugged. "And why do you call Derek by his first name? I thought it was Dr. Shepherd." "Oh umm...I mean Dr. Shepherd," Meredith said quickly. "You've totally said Derek this entire time," Cristina smirked. "I did not." "You have, Mer," Izzie nodded. "Crap," Meredith murmured. "Why don't you just do him?" Alex shrugged. "He's my boss...and it's...he doesn't...I can't just do him," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Alex, she can't just do him," Izzie groaned. "It's not all about sex." "It should be all about sex," Cristina groaned. "It can't be," Meredith sighed. "He's...he's my boss. And he has a kid. And he's my boss. And unlike some people here, I'm not into screwing my boss." "At least I'm screwing someone," Cristina smirked. "I can screw someone," Meredith nodded. "I can go to Joe's and screw someone. It's not that hard. It's easy." "Then why haven't you?" Cristina asked. "I am busy," Meredith waved her fork in the ear. "I am an intern. I have family...crap to worry about. I am busy." "Too busy for sex?" Alex asked. "Mereith!" "Hannah!" Meredith exclaimed, turning to see Derek's daughter rushing over to the table. "Hi, Mereith!" Hannah lunged herself at Meredith, climbing up onto her lap. "You're not busy, right? Cause Daddy said I had to leave you alone if you're busy." "Oh...I'm not busy," Meredith shook her head. "Eating my lunch." "Whatcha eatin'?" Hannah asked, turning to look at Meredith's plate and scrunching up her nose. "Ewww...salad." "Salad is yummy," Meredith grinned. "Want some?" "Salad is not yummy, Mereith. My daddy likes salad. He eats salad all the time and yucky cereal and...not yummy. Whatcha eatin' for dessert?" "Oh...I have some pudding," Meredith sighed. "What kind of pudding?" "Chocolate." "Hmmmm," Hannah grinned, reaching for the pudding and Meredith's sppon. "Can I have some? Please, please, please?" "Oh...would your daddy be mad?" "Nope." "I'm pretty sure he would be," Meredith laughed. "But go ahead, just a little though." "Kay," Hannah nodded, dipping her spoon into the yogurt, bouncing slightly on Meredith's lap as she took a big bite. "Hi," she said to the other interns. "I'm Hannah Shepherd." "Dr. Shepherd's kid?" Cristina asked. "Yep," Hannah nodded. "My daddy does hemistomies." "Hemispherectomies," Meredith explained. "Yeah, that's what I said," Hannah nodded and then turned back to Cristina. "Who are you?" "I'm Cristina." "Hi Cristina. Do you do hemistomies or rhinopasties?" "Nope," Cristina shook her head. "Well sometimes... I do heart stuff." "Heart stuff? What's that called?" "There's lot of them," Cristina shrugged. "Oh," Hannah nodded and then turned back to Meredith. "Mereith, Daddy said you put Tom in your locker. Is it dark? Cause he might be scared and I thinked maybe I'll make him a special friend to have sleepovers." "I think he's okay but you can make him a friend if you want," Meredith grinned. "I'll make him lots of friends and then when Christmas comes I'll make you more pictures, but not turkeys. Maybe Santa. Or reindeer. Like Rudolph." "That sounds good," Meredith nodded. "Oh!" Hannah looked up excitedly. "I got 'nother loose tooth, Mereith! Daddy says the tooth fairy is gonna be all out of dollars!" "Another one?" Meredith asked. "Wow." "I know. I'm gonna get 'nother dollar when it falls out. Uncle Monkey says when I loose these teeth," Hannah pointed to her top teeth, "then I'm gonna look real funny." "Uncle Monkey?" Izzie asked. "He does rhinopasties," Hannah nodded. "Sloan," Meredith smiled. "Seriously?" Izzie grinned. "Sloan is Uncle Monkey?" "He's Derek's best friend," Meredith explained. "He's my favorite," Hannah giggled. "He gives me donuts. Daddy says donuts are special treats but I like 'em all the time." "Donuts are yummy," Izzie grinned, as Meredith fiddled with her pager. "I know," Hannah nodded. "I'm Hannah Shepherd. What's your name?" "I'm Izzie. I'm one of Meredith's friends." "Then you can be my friend too!" "Cool," Izzie smiled. "Do you like turkeys, Izzie?" "Turkeys? Sure," Izzie shrugged. "Do you eat 'em?" "Yeah." "Only the bad ones, right?" "Yes, Izzie only eats the bad ones," Meredith said quickly. "That's good," Hannah nodded, grabbing a napkin and then turning to take Meredith's pen out of her coat pocket, putting her left hand down and tracing. "Cause you can't eat good turkeys. Like Tom and Ted and Terry. They don't bite. They're good turkeys. You can eat bad mean turkeys that bite. Dr. Miranda says it hurts kinda bad. And you can eat those turkeys." "Oh...okay," Izzie nodded. "Only bad turkeys, I'll remember." "Tanksgiving's gonna be here real soon," Hannah reported. "That's when the pilgrims came and they didn't die so they had a big party with the Indians and they ate lots and lots of turkey and corn." "There is," Izzie smiled. "Did you learn that in school?" "Yep," Hannah nodded. "And there's a corna...a corna...there's a thing with lots and lots of fruits and veggies. I had to color it. And I gave it to Daddy cause he likes fruits and veggies. Then I colored Uncle Monkey a pie cause he eats all the pie at Nana's." "Wow, that's cool," Izzie smiled. "I know," Hannah grinned, bending over her napkin. "I like Tanksgiving. But I like Christmas lots and lots more. Cause Santa comes and gives me presents. And then my birthday's real soon after Christmas and then I get even more presents!" "Presents are very fun," Izzie giggled. "Yep," the little girl nodded. "And I'll get lots and lots this year cause I'm turning six and that's real big. That's even bigger than five!" "It is bigger than five," Izzie nodded. "But I'm the smallest at Nana's. The very smallest." "You are the smallest," Derek's voice cut in from behind Meredith. "Daddy!" Hannah turned and smiled at him. "Tyler said you were scrubbed in so I came and found Mereith. She's not busy, pwomise." "I know she's not," Derek nodded, leaning over to kiss Hannah's cheek quickly. "And I'm drawing my new friend Izzie a picture," Hannah held up the napkin that had a drawing of a turkey. "Oh good job, Han," Derek smiled, looking at Izzie quickly. "I'm sure Izzie will love it." "I don't know what to name him though," Hannah sighed dramatically. "Izzie, do you want a boy turkey or a girl turkey?" "I think a girl turkey would be nice," Izzie nodded. "Daddy, what's a girl turkey name that starts with t like turkey?" "How about...Tina?" Derek asked. "Tina," Hannah nodded excited. "Daddy, spell it!" "T-I-N-A," Derek smiled. "You can get Meredith to help you put Izzie's name on if you want." "Okay," Hannah nodded, concentrating on the letters. "I can't write real good yet, Mereith, but teacher says I'm real smart. Right, Daddy? That's what teacher said?" "That is exactly what the teacher said," Derek smiled proudly. "Tina's real easy," Hannah grinned. "There's an a like in my name. Mereith, you know what's real cool about my name?" "What?" Meredith asked. "It's spelled same back and front," Hannah grinned. "So I can't ever, ever forget! Daddy said he did it on purpose. But I think he's not telling the truth." "I think he isn't either," Meredith giggled. "See, Daddy," Hannah giggled as she handed Izzie her picture. "Happy Tanksgiving, Izzie!" "Thank you, Hannah," Izzie grinned. "She's perfect." "I know," Hannah nodded. "Hannah's not really good at being modest," Meredith laughed. "What's modest?" Hannah asked. "It means that you know you're good and say it a lot," Meredith grinned. "That's cause I am good. I'm the bestest." "You are," Meredith nodded, running her fingers through Hannah's curls. "And the pwettiest," Hannah grinned. "Right, Daddy?" "Definitely right," Derek smiled. "Yep," Hannah nodded. "Daddy, can I stay with you and Mereith all day? I don't wanna go to daycare." "Meredith and I have surgeries, honey," Derek sighed. "Hemistomies?" "None of those today," Derek grinned. "Different surgeries." "Oh," Hannah nodded. "I'll be real quiet and watch." "You are not watching surgeries all afternoon," Derek shook his head. "And we should get you back there now." "Why?" Hannah whined. "Because you're supposed to be in daycare." "But I don't wanna go to daycare. I wanna stay with you and Mereith." "I know you do. But you can't." "I'll be real quiet and good." "I know you would be," Derek nodded. "But still...daycare." "Sometimes you're real mean, Daddy," Hannah sighed as Derek lifted her out of Meredith's lap. "I know," he rolled his eyes. "I'm not working late tonight." "So not a doctor? You're gonna be a daddy?" "Yep," Derek smiled. "But you have to be a good girl in daycare right now." "Fine," Hannah sighed. "Bye, Izzie, bye Cristina, by people I don't know." "Bye Hannah, it was nice meeting you," Izzie smiled. "I'll come with," Meredith jumped out of her chair. "There's a postop patient we need to talk about, Dr. Shepherd." "Oh...okay," Derek grinned. "You can come." "Bye, everyone," Hannah waved as Derek carried her away. "Sorry she bugged you again," Derek murmured to Meredith. "I'm sure you are." "What?" Derek frowned. "Nothing. Not now. Drop your daughter off." "Okay," Derek nodded. Meredith stood by as Derek dropped Hannah off at daycare, smiling at the five year old as she threw her arms around Meredith's neck before Derek dropped her off, walking out a few minutes later. "I can't believe you," Meredith shook her head. "What?" "I mean, fine, you want to be an ass and flirt. Whatever. But Hannah...I can't believe you." "Mer...what the hell are you talking about?" "That's the second time this week, Derek," she hissed. "That's the second time this week your daughter conveniently snuck out of daycare and conveniently found me." "She likes you, Mer," Derek shrugged. "I thought you told her to stop." "Well...I didn't actually tell her to stop...but it wouldn't have made a difference. She gets bored and goes to visit friends at the hospital. You're one of them." "You didn't tell her to stop," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Of course not. You probably told her to come see me." "What? Why would I do that?" "Because you're you and you're flirty and I get mad at you when you're flirty so you use your five year old daughter to get me to talk to you or something. I don't know. People use kids for that kind of crap all the time. She's five, Derek. I can't even believe you'd do that to your own daughter." "One second...you're accusing me of using my daughter?" "That's clearly what you're doing." "What the hell? I would never use my daughter that way, ever." "You haven't told her to stop, hell you practically grin when you come and grab her from me to take her to daycare You're completely encouraging it. What? Do you think she's going to make me change my mind? Do you think I'm going to fall completely in love with her and then want to be with you? Because that's sick, Derek." "I can't believe you're even suggesting this shit. What kind of father do you think I am?" "Apparently the kind of father who uses his five year old to get girls." "That is not what I'm doing. I would never do that. Trust me...I'm willing to go pretty far out there to get you, I am...but my daughter? No...never going to happen. She's five years old, Mer." "I'm glad you realize that," Meredith nodded. "Do you take her to the park and play the whole pity the single dad routine? Or am I just getting special treatment? Because she keeps finding me and you don't seem to care that your five year old daughter is running around a hospital, a hospital without any supervision. And you don't seem to care that she talks to everyone and anything, which by the way, isn't good because she's five." "She grew up in this hospital," Derek groaned. "Everyone knows her, she knows her way around. People keep an eye on her. She's not running around without supervision. And honestly...how could...the pity routine? Have I ever once tried to get any pity for being a single dad? Have I ever once used it to get your attention? Hell, I didn't even tell you." "No, but now that I know and I’m telling you I won't date you, she sure seems to be around all the time." "Because she likes you, Mer! It's totally completely her. You can ask. Go ask her if I have ever told her to go find you, if I ever told her to befriend you...ask her." "Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes. "If you want to do this, fine. But it's not getting you in my pants." "Meredith, listen to me...I know you're not used to people liking you for no reason, but Hannah does. And if she didn't...you'd never see her. I would never use my daughter in anyway. I'm disgusted you're even suggesting it. I thought you knew me better." "And I thought I knew you better too." "How can you even accuse me of this? You know how much I love that little girl." "I do. Which is why I can't believe you'd do it. But it's not a coincidence, Derek, that every time we fight or I yell at you for flirting she suddenly appears and is all...cute and Hannah-like." "It's actually a complete coincidence," Derek sighed. "I don't tell my daughter who to like, and I don't tell her who to seek out. God, Mer...she doesn't even think you're my friend...she thinks you're her friend. That's what she calls you...her friend Meredith." "And I'm sure you're so sorry she keeps finding me and talking to me. I'm sure you'd just wish she'd stop." "No I don't," Derek shook his head. "Because being around you makes her happy, and I would never take anything like that away from her. And when you're around her...you look happy, a little overwhelmed but happy. So no, I don't want it to stop. But that doesn't mean I'm encouraging it." "Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes, turning to walk away from him. "You're not walking away from me," he groaned, grabbing onto her arm. "Why the hell not?" "Because what you're accusing me of...it's possibly the biggest insult...god, Mer...how? How the hell do you even think that of me? Am I that desperate? Do you hate me that much?" "Come on, Derek, you get me assigned to your service and spend the last two weeks flirting at every chance you get and kissing and eye sex and leaning and smirking. You've already proven you're desperate and slightly stalkerish. I told you to let go and you won't let go." "I'm..." he sighed, looking around before grabbing her arm again and pulling her into a tiny supply closet. "You actually...desperate and slightly stalkerish?" "I ended it. I ended it and now you're getting me assigned to your service and using your daughter and...yeah...you won't let go." "The assigning to my service...you know that had nothing to do about us. And how many times do I have to tell you...I'm not using my daughter." "Fine," Meredith sighed. "You're not using your daughter. I'm sorry." "You're sorry?" "Is there something else you want me to say?" "Just...you called me a desperate stalker." "Fine, you're not a stalker." "At least try to make it sound a little convincing," he sighed. "You're not a stalker," she sighed. "Can I go now?" "Yeah..." he nodded, looking at his feet. "Derek..." she sighed. "I said you can go," he murmured. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I…it's just...you're you and I'm me and there's and I...I don't...I'm sorry." "I know," he sighed. "Just...I...nothing, it's nothing. I'm fine." "You hate that word," she giggled softly. "I do," he smiled slightly. "I just...I want to be with you, Mer. That's all. I don't want you to think I'm so horrible monster that's fucking with your life just to get in your pants." "I know," she sighed, moving towards him. "I'm sorry." "I know," he nodded. "You don't actually think I'm that horrible...do you?" "No," she shook her head. "No. I just...and you're and this...no." "Good," he nodded slowly. "Good," she nodded, biting her lip as she looked at him, as she looked at the sadness in his eyes, his body drooping against the door as he avoided her eyes. "Der," she sighed. "Don't worry...I'm...good," he whispered. "Is that your version of fine?" "Maybe," he laughed softly. "I'm sorry," she repeated again, pain ripping through her chest as he backed away slightly from her fingers that were gently moving through his hair. "You keep saying that," he nodded. "Because you're pissed and sad and I was a bitch and..." she shook her head. "It will be okay," he sighed. "Will it?" she murmured as she looked up at him, standing on her tip toes slightly as she moved her mouth closer against his. "I hope so," he breathed. "Me too," she nodded, pushing him against the door hard as her lips made contact with his, her tongue demanding entrance immediately as she held him against the door. "Mer..." he gasped, as his arms moved to wrap around her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, nibbling on his lower lip, her hands moving to tighten on his ass. "Hmmm..." he groaned as she rubbed up against his erection and slipped her tongue in his mouth again. She reached her hands around and between them, quickly untying his scrub pants as she deepened the kiss, rubbing her body quickly against his, both of them already panting for breath as they pulled away for a moment, their hands in a hurry to remove clothing and touch each other. Derek's lips found Meredith's neck and she gasped as he bit at the skin. "Der!" "Oh Mer...." he groaned, gently sucking at the sensitive skin on her neck as he ran his hands up and down her now bare back, forcing her closer to him as their chests heaved together. She backed him hard against the door again as she pushed his scrub pants down over his hips before moving to remove her own, moaning loudly as he moved his lips and teeth over her skin, sucking hard. "Der, god...Derek..." "Mer...." he whispered against her skin, cupping a breast in one hand as his mouth began to travel lower. He took the nipple between his fingers, tugging on it gently as she groaned, before taking it into his mouth. "Der," she gasped, shaking her head. "No...I...now. Need you now." "Can do..." he breathed, shifting so he held her up against the door before slipping into her. "Oh god..." "Shit," she murmured, biting down on his shoulder to hold in a scream. "God...Der..." "Mer..." he groaned, beginning to thrust into her. "Oh..." "Derek," she whispered urgently, her own hips moving up and down on his erection as he thrust into her, his arms moving to stabilize himself against the door as she squeezed her legs tight around his waist. "Fuck...Derek." "Mer....shit....oh god," he murmured, before capturing her lips hard against his, forcing his tongue into her mouth as he thrusted into her. He moved faster and harder into her, her mouth opening in a silent scream with each hard thrust, her fingernails finding his back and digging in painfully as she tried to capture his lips again, her body shaking with the coming orgasm. "Derek...shit...god, oh god, oh god." "Mer..." he gasped, his own body shaking against hers as he felt everything start to pitch forward. "Oh...Mer." She came hard, her body shaking violently as she dropped her head against his shoulder, her teeth biting down



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:39 PM Post #9
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	"Bye, Derek," she smiled slightly as she moved out of the supply closet, her hands shaking. She had just slept with him. It hadn't been the plan. She had been angry and fighting and then she had kissed him and they had just...definitely not part of the plan. Never part of the plan and now...she was doing McDreamy. She was doing Derek Shepherd, her boss. Her attending. "You wanted it so much and now that it's over, you don't know what you want..." Disclaimer: It's Grey's Day. Which means a day full of stress, anxiety and a litle excitement mixed in for good measure. If we owned the show it would just be a lot of excitement and celebration. Derek pulled his shirt over his head, trying to ignore the fact his body still had a fine sheen of sweat on it. Good sweat, really good sweat but sweat all the same. He should probably get clean scrubs or something. Later of course. "So that was fun," he sighed. "Definitely fun," Meredith giggled as she tied her scrub pants. "So...." Derek breathed, running his fingers through his hair. "Not that I'm not enjoying this, because I am. But...what exactly is this?" "I had a feeling that was going to come up," she sighed, her hands moving around her back to clasp her bra. "Well...that was...we keep ending up like this. We should talk about it," Derek shrugged. "Or we could just keep ending up like this," she smiled hopefully, slipping her red long-sleeved t-shirt on. "As fun as this is, and it is fun, lots of fun...there's talking that should be had," he sighed, sitting down on the bed. "Fine," she groaned, leaning against the desk, pulling her hair back. "So...what is it?" "I don't know." "I know what I want this to bed," he nodded. "I also know you're not ready for that." "I'm not," she agreed, looking down at the floor. "I know," he whispered. "So...that leaves us a hanging question." "Yeah," she breathed. "I don't want to put this on you, Mer...but...you're the one that has to define this." "I know. I know I do. I just...I don't know it is. I know what you want and I...I can't." "I know," he nodded. "So what is it you want?" "I think I just made that pretty clear, Derek," she giggled slightly. "You did," he laughed softly. "I just...I can't...I'm not ready to be in a relationship or whatever." "I know," he nodded. "But you...I...you're you." "Is that a good thing?" "Yes," she sighed. "I think...yes, it's a good thing. Because you're you and I can't...we keep ending up here." "We do," he grinned. "So we keep ending up like this and you're you and I...I like the you that you are. And you're very good in bed...or against a wall or whatever." "You're not too bad either," he sighed. "But you...I don't know, Derek. I don't know what to do." "Meredith...don't think so hard about it. And don't worry about what I want or what the future may hold for us. Right now...what do you want?" "At this second? You. Naked. Again." "So you want sex." "Yes." "Okay." "But you don't...it's the same as last time. You don't do sex only." "I don't," he nodded. "Not as a rule. But I can." "It's not fair to you," she murmured. "How about you let me decide what's fair and not fair." "How is it fair to you?" she asked, looking at him. "You have a daughter and you want...things and I can't...and I don't know...what if I'm never ready?" "That's a bridge we'll cross when we get there," he sighed. "Right now...I just want to be with you, Mer. I'll take whatever you can give me." "But, Derek, you...you deserve more. You deserve better." "Better than you?" "Yes. Better than somebody who has commitment issues. Better than somebody who has intimacy issues. Better than...better than me. Yes." "Okay...A...I'm starting to come to the realization that quite possibly there is no one better...and B...maybe I do deserve someone without your issues, but when does what I want come into play?" "What?" "I want you, Meredith. I know all the dark and twisty stuff...and I want you still." "I'm not even going to ask why," she sighed. "It sounds lame and whiny and...but...you deserve more than this, Derek. And I know right now you're okay with it but your head is probably kind of fuzzy and in a few hours you'll want more and I...you deserve more." "Unless my brain has been kind of fuzzy for the last few months, which I hope it hasn't with all the cutting I've been doing, I know what I want and it's not going to change," he shrugged. "And I don't know why I want it." "So...you're okay with this? Really okay?" "Do you really think I'm going to take issue with having all the sex I want?" "Well...no," Meredith giggled. "I just...you don't do this. You don't do the sex only thing because you have a daughter. A really cute daughter who I adore but you...you don't do this and now you're going to do it and I don't want you to think...it may not go anywhere." "I know it might not," he nodded. "And the daughter...I don't usually do sex only because Hannah gets...it gets complicated. But you know about Hannah, you know why you can't spend the night and all that stuff." "So we're just having sex here...at the hospital." "I can't take you home, Mer. Hannah would be confused. And I can't not go home at night." "Okay," she nodded slowly. "Okay." "So sex only." "Sex only," she sighed. "Are you okay?" Derek asked, looking at her carefully. "I'm good, Der," Meredith smiled slightly. "I just...I don't know if this is a good idea. For you." "I'm willing to give it a try," he shrugged. "You don't have to worry about me." "Of course you're willing," she rolled her eyes. "All the sex at work you want." "With you." "With me." "That's a big part of the equation for me." "I know. I know it is." "And I really am okay with this." "Right now you are." "And I will be. If it stops being okay...I'll force you to talk after mind blowing sex again." "Oh you think you're so sneaky," she rolled her eyes. "You know there are rules to the sex only thing." "Rules are good," he smiled. "We were really good with them last time." "No breaking them this time. I'm not going to break them and you definitely can't break them." "I'm not agreeing to not breaking them until I know what they are." "Fine," she sighed. "One, no dating. You don't get to ask me out on dates or meet me for drinks or something and be all...datey about it. No dates. No dating. And no sneaky dating." "What's sneaky dating?" "Not that I'm accusing you of using your daughter...I'm not. At all. But sneaky dating is asking me to meet you guys at like...the ice cream place and then you're all...datey about it." "Okay," he laughed. "But what if Hannah asks you?" "If Hannah asks me then that's different. Then I'm Hannah's friend and you just sit there." "If I sit beside you in the caf to eat lunch or buy you a coffee in the morning does that count as a date?" "Yes.” "Okay," he nodded slowly. "I can take that rule." "And no talking about it. It's like Fight Club." "No talking...okay," he nodded. "Can I tell Mark?" "No. Sloan has a big mouth." "But he thinks I'm a woman. He'll be proud." "Sloan thinks you're a woman?' "Yeah," Derek sighed. "Since I had Hannah...I haven't been getting a lot of...sex, and in his mind that makes me a woman." "Fine," Meredith sighed. "You can tell him. But he has to keep quiet. Really, really quiet." "Thank you," Derek grinned. "Besides that...I'm good with quiet." "And...no talking," Meredith bit her lip. "It's just sex. I'm not your girlfriend. I'm...I'm your intern who you happen to be having lots of sex with." "No talking about us? Between us?" "Yes." "Okay..." he said slowly. "But...if something comes up, an actual issue, we talk about it. And if you need to talk about anything...you can." "Okay," she nodded. "And um...if you...I mean, you're allowed...other people." "What? No. I'm not sleeping with other people," Derek shook his head quickly. "Do you...do you want to sleep with other people?" "No," she shook her head. "No. Definitely...I just...if you want to. You can." "Fine. I don't want to." "Oh. Okay." "I don't sleep with random women." "I was a random woman," she frowned. "Well, I was your intern. But also kind of a random woman...intern." "There's nothing random about you." "You need to get that checked out." "What checked out?" "The cheesiness." "You like the cheesiness." "Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "So no other people. Unless you meet other people. If you meet other people and you like other people then...I get it." "No other people." "At all?" "At all." "Okay," she shrugged slightly, smiling. "Is that it for rules?" "For now." "You and your adding rules," Derek laughed. "It's entirely your fault," she giggled. "How is it entirely my fault?" "Because you do things and after you do them they have to become a rule so you don't do them again." "I'm creative," he grinned. "Or annoying." "I'm going with creative." "You do that." "Come here," he smiled. "What?" she grinned, walking towards him. "I'm pretty sure we should shake on this...or kiss." "Kissing is good," she giggled as he took her face in his hands and kissed her hard. "Hmm..." he murmured as he pulled away. "I like this deal." "Me too," she murmured, running her hands over his chest. "Want to get naked again?" he asked, winking at her. "Do we have time?" she asked, already slipping his scrub top over his chest. "We can make time," he shrugged, grabbing at her shirt. "Sleeping with my boss is the best idea ever," she laughed as their lips met again. "It definitely was," he groaned against her lips. But theres something 'bout you i can't keep away just cant keep away we know we'll crash down but i don't want it any other way Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy things like this would happen. Because people talking to Meredith like this...it would be good, really good. But this doesn't happen as we don't own the show. Sadly. Crap. Crap. She was late, beyond late, so late. Late and with sex hair, really, really obvious sex hair because apparently when Derek was on the surgery high and completely horny, he grabbed at her hair more. Or something. But yes, so late. So late and with sex hair and she couldn't get her skirt to sit right because her hands were still shaking. She wasn't sure how, but they were. That had been a bad idea. She had been running late already and then Derek had looked at her with that gleam in his eye, the gleam that told her to run in the opposite direction if she wanted to be anywhere on time but she was yet to discover exactly how to run from that gleam. It made her just want to do dirty things to him. Which she had. In the scrub room. Which made it dirtier. They could have gotten caught. Someone could have walked in but he had somehow managed to do it without either of them actually getting undressed. He had backed her against the wall and kissed her and suddenly he was in her and it had been fast. Well, not fast, fast. But fast. And then she had realized what time it was and had wanted to kill him. He had just laughed at her. Ass. And now she was late and Susan was going to kill her. Actually she was late and it was entirely obvious why she was late. She was pretty sure her lips were still swollen and not all the lipstick in the world was helping that. Not to mention she was still shaking, which she might be able to pass off as a surgery high. That could work. And the hair could be...no, it was definitely sex hair. And walking was difficult. Why the hell was walking still difficult? It was the shaking, the shaking threw off her balance and she was wearing heels. Why the hell was she even wearing heels? And why the hell had Derek gotten that look in his eyes when he had walked out with her. He had to go to Thanksgiving at his mom's. Where his daughter was. But he still had that damn look in his eyes. He was not getting sex tomorrow. That was it, that was all there was to it. The man wasn't going to get sex tomorrow and maybe not the next day either. He couldn't just keep jumping her. It had been a week and she was pretty sure that now that they had managed a scrub room there was no where else left in the hospital to have sex. This was insane. She was happy he was happy with the sex only thing. And she was happy with it too. But hell, they had even managed to have sex on the roof of the hospital. He was completely...he was a pervert. That was it. He liked sex, no he loved sex, and this was just...it was amazing but bad. Because now she was late and she was shaking and she couldn't actually walk straight. "You're late," Lexie's voice interrupted her thoughts as she made her way up the driveway, to see Lexie standing in the doorway. "Yeah, I'm...shit," Meredith said as she tripped over her heels. Stupid heels. "Surgery. Big important emergency surgery and I...sorry." "Are you okay?" Lexie frowned. "Yep," Meredith nodded as she tried to straighten her skirt with her shaking hands. "Great. Really great. Surgery high. Big surgery...high. And it was...amazing." "What was the surgery?" Lexie asked, letting her into the house. "Clot evacuation," Meredith said after a second. That had been the surgery, right? Yes. It made sense. Clot evacuation. That had to be it. "Oh," Lexie nodded. "Mer, you're shaking." "Yeah," Meredith nodded, running her fingers through her hair, which was what he did. So she had to stop. And making her look even...bigger was probably not a good idea. "Surgery high. It happens. You know...surgeries...adrenaline...coming...coming down. From the surgery high." "From a clot evacuation?" "Yeah." That had been the surgery, right? There had been a clot...the guy was having seizures, Derek had given her that look from behind the funny looking glasses that he somehow managed to make look good and...clot evacuation. "I'm always like this after surgery. It's the adrenaline. I'm just coming...I mean, coming down." "You shake like this after every surgery?" Lexie asked. "Um...yes." "What about the sex hair?" "What?" "I've seen your hair right after you take a scurb cap off...it's not like that. That is sex hair." "I used Izzie's shampoo...I think...body or something," Meredith stammered. Lame. Lame excuse. Derek would laugh his ass off. She was going to kill him. Fuck him one more time and then kill him. "If Izzie has a body shampoo that works that well I need the name," Lexie smirked. "I wouldn't mind having sex hair." "I'll um...ask her." "Are you sure it wasn't a neurosurgeon?" "What?" Meredith gasped. "No. Definitely not. Not sleeping with neurosurgeons in scrub rooms. Why would I sleep with neurosurgeons in scrub rooms? Or roofs or tunnels or...god I have to shut up." "Scrub rooms? Roofs? Tunnels?" "Fight club." "Figh...Mom, Mer and I are going for a walk, we'll be back before supper!" Lexie suddenly yelled. "What...no...why?" Meredith stammered as Lexie pulled her out of the house. "I'm joining fight club," Lexie shrugged. "You can't. You definitely can't join Fight Club. It's not joinable." "Actually it is, I just have to beat you up or something and you have to let me in." "This is not that kind of Fight Club, Lex," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And I could so take you." "Mer...why are you having sex all over the hospital with one of the top neurosurgeons in the country?" "I didn't say that." "Yeah, you did." "Crap," Meredith groaned. "Well, fine. He gets to tell Sloan. I get a person to tell." "Tell what?" "Derek and I...we're...having sex all over the hospital." "I knew it," Lexie grinned. "So you're together?" "No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "We are not together." "What?" "We're not together." "I heard that," Lexie sighed. "But...you're having sex all over the hospital. What are you if you're not together?" "We're...having sex all over the hospital," Meredith shrugged. "But...I'm confused," Lexie frowned. "It's not confusing," Meredith shook her head. "It's...we're not together. We have sex. And he goes home and I go home and then do it all over again the next day." "But I thought he didn't do sex only...because of his daughter." "Yeah..." Meredith sighed. "Apparently he's...I don't know. He's taking whatever he can get." "Oh...that's kind of sweet," Lexie sighed. "It really isn't. I...I hate that he's doing this." "Why?" "Because he...he's acting like it's not a big deal, but it is. He wants more and I can't give him more and he deserves more." "Why can't you give him more? You obviously care about him." "Which is exactly why I can't give him more." "Because you care about him?" "And Hannah. Mostly Hannah." "You can't get involved with him because you care about him and Hannah?" "Yes." "You do realize that makes no sense, right?" "It makes complete sense," Meredith groaned. "If I fuck it up, I don't only hurt him. I hurt Hannah. And I'm not doing that." "Why do you think you'd fuck it up?" "Oh, come on, Lexie. I'm the poster child for being crap at relationships." "You've never even had a relationship." "Exactly." "But that doesn't mean you can't make it work. Derek obviously really wants to be with you if he's willing to settle for this." "I know," Meredith sighed. "And I have no idea why. I can't...I don't do relationships. And I'm not taking chances and hurting Hannah." "But what if you didn't hurt Hannah?" "I would." "How could you possibly know that?" "Because I'm me, Lex." "And you're a bad horrible person?" "I have no idea how to do the relationship thing. It's not like I had the world's healthiest role models. And I'm...dark and twisty or whatever." "You're not as dark and twisty as you want to think you are." "Lexie, I don't do relationships. I can't do relationships. And I'm not going to try for the first time when there's a five year old whose mom left her." "Have you talked to him about this?" "He knows." "And what did he have to say?" "He understands. He gets it." "That's good, Mer. It's good he gets it." "Yeah, it is," Meredith sighed. "I just...he thinks it's going to change or something." "And it's not?" "I don't think so." "But you like him." "Yeah." "Excuse me while I'm a little lost here." "It doesn't matter," Meredith sighed. "The sex thing works for me. It totally works and he's...he's amazing." "But don't you think you deserve more than some quick rounds in the hospital?" "I'm good with this. Sex works. Casual sex works." "What about a year from now?" "If he still wants it..." "You're willing to sleep casually with him forever?" "I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "He's basically amazing and...I don't do the relationship thing. So it's not going to happen." "Why not even give it a try?" Lexie asked. "Because I'm not going to hurt a five year old in the process," Meredith sighed. "I'm not...it sucks when you get used to people when you're five and suddenly they're gone. That sucks. I'm not going to do it." "Oh...Mer..." Lexie whispered. "What?" "Just...you can't let what Dad did mess up the rest of your life." "This is not a Thatcher Grey thing." "Of course not." "It's not, Lexie. Thatcher left me. Whatever. I'm not letting it dictate my life." "Yes you are," Lexie sighed. "At least partially. And you're mom. You have to let go of all that and give Derek a chance." "You don't get it, Lexie," Meredith sighed. "I know what it's like. I'm not hurting Hannah just to give Derek a chance. And relationships...it doesn't matter." "Relationships work sometimes." "Not in my world they don't." "Meredith...this isn't fair to anyone." "It's less fair if I fuck it up." "And you might not." "I'm not taking the chance, Lexie. I'm not. I won't be...she's five. She deserves better than that. And so does he." "What do you deserve?" "What?" "What do you deserve? You keep talking about Derek and Hannah...what about you?" "I'm good with this." "You think all you deserve is a quick fuck in an on call room?" "It's many quick fucks." "And that's all you want out of life?" "I want to be a doctor. And...I don't know. I'm not looking...there's no such thing as the happily ever after part." "You really think that?" "Yes." "That's heartbreaking." "Seriously?" Meredith turned to her. "That's exactly what he said." "Well it is," Lexie shrugged. "You're both stupid cheesy." "Because we want you to be happy?" "I'm happy." "You could be happier." "And you think fucking up a relationship with Derek is going to make me happier?" "No, I think making a relationship with Derek work is going to make you happier." "Lexie, it really doesn't matter. I'm good with the sex thing. I'm great with the sex thing. Orgasms. Orgasms make me happy." "You're not really happy." "Now you're telling me if I'm happy or not?" "Mer...I'm just...you're my sister, I love you...I want the best for you." "I get that. But...I know what's good for me. And sex...orgasms...I'm good. I'm fine." "You're not fine." "Lexie..." "I just think Derek would be good for you. I've never seen you like this over a guy." "Okay a, I'm not like anything over Derek and b, it's not like you've been around forever. It's only been a year." "I know...but really...is this all you really want?" "This is all I can do." "Oh Mer," Lexie sighed, throwing an arm around her. "We're hugging." "We're hugging," Lexie nodded. "I'm fine, Lexie.' "Sure you are," Lexie sighed. "I hate what Dad did to you." "Yeah, well, lucky you, you got the good side of him." "I know," Lexie nodded, squeezing her a little tighter. "And you know, life was much easier when I was an only child. No offense or anything." "Yeah, I know," Lexie laughed. "You love me." "Sadly." "You'll see how you feel about that after you eat supper," Lexie smiled. "It better be amazing," Meredith giggled. "It definitely is," Lexie nodded. "Good," Meredith sighed. "And do you think...I mean...your mom won't know why I'm late right?" "She'll have no idea...we'll go with the surgery excuse." "Good. How bad is my hair?" "Not too bad," Lexie nodded. "He likes my hair," Meredith rolled her eyes. "That's cute, Mer," Lexie grinned. "No, it's not cute. It's not cute when I have sex hair all the freakin' time." "How much sex do you actually have?" "Um...a lot." "A lot?" "A few times a day." "Seriously?" "Seriously." "That's just...wow." "I know," Meredith sighed. "He's...and I'm...yeah." "I'm not about to tell you stop, Mer," Lexie sighed. "Just...don't be afraid to fall for him." "Yeah," Meredith murmured. "He might just be worth it." "Cheesy, Lexie." "Yeah yeah." "So you're done joining fight club? We can go eat now?" "We can go eat," Lexie nodded. "Good, I'm starving," Meredith giggled as they turned back towards the house. "So am I," Lexie smiled. "Think about what I said, Mer." "I will," Meredith nodded, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. She got what Lexie was saying, she really did. But Lexie was like Derek. Lexie believed in things, she wanted things. Just like Derek. And she understood why Lexie had said them, she got it. But this was easier. The sex thing was much easier. And much nicer. There was no way she could fuck up sex. They were enjoying this. Sometime Derek would look at her, usually after the sex when they were getting back into their clothes, in a way that made her heart ache. Not because she wanted more, she couldn't have more but because Derek wanted more. But really, he was okay. He smiled and laughed a lot. He didn't seem to mind so much that it was sex only. He seemed okay with this. And as long as he was okay, she was okay. Because she didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want this to turn into something that made him miserable. He didn't deserve to be miserable. He deserved to be happy and get whatever he wanted. So until he was miserable, until he wasn't okay with this anymore, this worked. They would be fine. This would be fine. She just hoped he was really okay. There's never gonna be a moment of truth for you while the world is watching Disclaimer: Grey's was awesome last night. Entirely perfectly awesome. We both loved it. It was like Season 1 Grey's...but with Markie which is so much better. Of course we can't clairm credit for that brilliance. Just saying...it was brilliant. He didn't want to wake up. He had hit the button on the alarm minutes before and he knew he should probably be getting up. But he didn't want to. He needed ten more minutes, just ten more minutes before getting up and getting on with the day. He was exhausted and he didn't want to move. Of course if he didn't his daughter would climb in and wake him up anyway. It was days like these when he wondered why he had ever thought becoming a surgeon would be a good idea. Saturday mornings when Hannah liked to crawl into bed with him, laughing and giggling as she begged for pancakes and Saturday morning cartoons. He couldn't remember the last time he had had a Saturday off. And now he just wanted to sleep. Maybe Hannah would sleep in. Okay, that was definitely hopeful thinking but eventually she had to hit the stage where she realized sleeping past seven oclock in the morning wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Actually it was an amazing thing. Or it was from what he could remember. There wasn't actually any sleeping in in recent memory but eventually he'd get a break. He heard the door gently open, apparently today was not that day. He closed his eyes tighter, hoping she'd be at least remotely quiet, at least giggle quietly. Usually she was running to the bed, jumping and laughing and bouncing while she yelled at the top of her lungs. Five year olds were insane. Completely insane. Except now his usually five year old daughter was walking very quietly towards his bed, barely making a noise as she crawled under the covers. She always jumped into his bed, yelling at the top of her lungs for him to take up and make her pancakes or waffles or french toast and sometimes all three. And always loudly. He had never actually figured out how Hannah managed to be louder at night than any other time during the day. But today she was quieter than she ever was, as she curled up into his chest, her tiny fingers fisting his tshirt. He wrapped his arms around her, immediately worried as her curls tickled his chin, the smell of Johnson's Baby Shampoo wafting into his nostrils as she nuzzled him, still not saying a word. For a moment, worry shot through him. The last time she had been this quiet she had had a bad case of the flu, and she had spent all day whimpering in the bathroom as he brought her temp down, fighting the urge to rush her to the hospital. She didn't feel warm and she wasn't shivering like she was cold. There was no sweaty claminess or anything like that. She felt fine actually. Except for the world's bounciest most cheerful little girl was entirely too quiet as she curled closer to his chest. Entirely too quiet. Something had to be wrong. This little girl was not his daughter. "Hannah?" he whispered, running his hand through her curls. "Daddy," she murmured, cuddling closer to him. "Are you feeling okay, Banana?" he asked. "Daddy," she sighed, her fingers tightening on his shirt. "What's wrong, Hannah?" "Not sick," she whispered. "Good, that's good," he nodded, relief washing over him briefly. "So...what's bothering you?" She was quiet for a second and he felt her shoulders shake slightly before she moved to look at him, tears in her eyes. "How come I don't got a mommy?" "Oh Hannah," he breathed, shifting to wipe a tear off her cheek. "You...you've never asked before." "Katelyn's got a mommy and Michael's got a mommy and Jenny's got two mommys. I don't got a mommy." "I know," Derek sighed, pulling her tighter into his arms. "I was going to wait till you were older to talk to you about this, but we can talk now." "Did she go to heaven like Sam's mommy?" "No, honey," Derek shook his head. "She's alive." "Then I do got a mommy." "You do," Derek nodded. "She's just...not a part of our lives." "Jenny's mommy and daddy got a divorce and her daddy brought her a new mommy." "Mommy and I didn't get divorced, we weren't married. We were just...friends." "And you're not friends no more?" "We're not friends anymore," Derek nodded. "We were...friends for a few months and then she got pregnant with you." "What's pregnant?" "It means she was going to have a baby. She was going to have you." "And she was real 'cited right? You and Mommy were real 'cited to have me." "I was more excited than I've ever been for anything ever," Derek grinned. "But your mommy was....she wasn't as excited." "Why not?" Hannah frowned, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Didn't she like me?" "She did," Derek whispered, wiping a tear off her cheek. "Just...you know how you really want to be a ballerina but your cousin Haley really wants to be a teacher?" "Yeah." "Your mommy didn't really want to be a mommy," Derek sighed. "She was...she wanted to be a doctor really badly. It was her biggest dream and she wasn't...she didn't want to be a mommy. Not because she didn't like you though." "But she went away. Was I real bad?" "Of course not, Hannah. Your mommy went away right after you were born, she never knew you." "Why didn't she stay?" "She just...she didn't want to be a mommy. She loved you very much but she...she didn't want the whole mommy thing. And she knew I wanted to be a daddy more than anything." "More than being a doctor?" "Definitely more than being a doctor," Derek grinned. "I wanted to be your daddy so badly." "Cause I was the bestest?" "Cause you were the bestest. And I love you so much that I love you as much as a Mommy and a Daddy can combined." "Didn't Mommy know I was the bestest?" "She did know you were the bestest," Derek nodded. "Then how come she didn't stay, Daddy? I'm the bestest." "I know you are," Derek sighed. "And she didn't stay because...she thought it might be better for you if I raised you." "Why? Was she a real bad mommy?" "No," Derek shook his head. "She just didn't know how to be a mommy." "But she's a mommy. Mommys are mommys." "I know that. Just...she didn't want to be a mommy, Hannah." "I don't like Mommy." "You don't have to," Derek shook his head. "But she did love you a lot." "Mommys don't leave." "I know that," Derek nodded. "But you're good with just me, right?" "I don't know, Daddy," Hannah whispered after a second. "Teacher asked everyone what we did with Mommy and Daddy for Christmas and everyone bakes cookies with their mommys and their mommys go shopping for them and buy presents for their daddies. But my mommy didn't want me no more." "Oh honey," Derek breathed, squeezing her tightly. "But I want you. I want you so much. And so does Uncle Monkey and Grandma and your aunts and uncles and everyone at the hospital. That is so much better than a mommy." "Really?" "Really," Derek nodded firmly. "You're not only the bestest but you're the most wanted little girl ever." "Oh," she smiled slightly, curling her fingers tightly around his shirt. "I want you so much, Hannah Banana. I couldn't imagine my life without you." "I know, Daddy," she whispered. "I'm sorry you don't have a mommy," Derek murmured. "Was she pwetty, Daddy?" "She was pretty," Derek nodded. "Not as pretty as you though." "I'm the pwettiest." "You are the prettiest." "So Mommy's a doctor like you?" "She is," Derek nodded. "I don't know where though." "Does she do hemistomies?" "Nope," Derek shook his head. "She works with hearts." "Does she wanna see me?" "I don't know, Han," Derek sighed. "She might but I don't know." "Didja tell her I'm the pwettiest and the bestest balleina ever?" "I haven't talked to her since she had you." "How come?" "Because we decided to just...go our seperate ways. Me with you and Mommy on her own." "And she's not coming back ever?" "She's not coming back," Derek shook his head. "But when you're a little older I'll help you find her if you want." "I don't wanna find her," Hannah shook her head, her curls tickling his chin. "Okay," Derek nodded. "That's okay." "Okay," Hannah sighed, nuzzling into his chest. "Are you okay, Han?" he asked quietly. "Yeah," she said just as quietly. "Are you sure?" he whispered. "It's okay if you're not." "I don't know. Everyone gots a mommy and everyone else's mommy wants 'em." "I know," Derek nodded. "But everyone has different kind of families. Some people don't have mommies, some don't have daddies...some kids don't have either." "Cause their mommies and daddies didn't want 'em?" "Not always...sometimes because they just don't know how to be parents." "But my mommy didn't want me. If I was even bester than the bestest, would she come back, Daddy?" "No she wouldn't, hun," Derek murmured. "Oh.” "I grew up without a daddy," Derek pointed out. "He went to heaven....but still...I didn't have a dad." "Did it make you real sad?" "A little," Derek nodded. "But Grandma was a really good mommy." "And you're a real good daddy," Hannah grinned widely. "Thank you," Derek smiled. "The bestest daddy ever." "You're the bestest daughter ever," Derek grinned. "I guess." "You are," Derek nodded. "You know...Meredith grew up without a daddy." "Really? Did her daddy go to heaven?" "Nope," Derek shook his head. "Her daddy left when she was really little." "Cause he didn't want her?" "Yeah," Derek nodded, frowning slightly. "Like my mommy." "Just like your mommy," Derek nodded. "Stupid mommies and daddies." "Very stupid. Meredith's daddy missed ever knowing Meredith and now your Mommy is missing out on you. They're the ones that lost." "Did Mereith's daddy come back?" "Nope," Derek shook his head. "Meredith went to find him but he was in heaven." "Oh." "But she never knew him." "Just like me," Hannah sighed. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "What do I tell teacher when I go to school? She's gonna wanna know bout my mommy." "You can tell her you don't have one," Derek nodded. "Lots of kids don't. And when you make something for a mommy you can just make it for grandma or one of your aunts." "Okay," Hannah nodded. "Who's gonna take me to get your Christmas present, Daddy?" "Uncle Monkey can, or anyone you want." "Okay," she sighed, kissing his cheek. "Love you, Daddy." "I love you too," he grinned. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "Can we have pancakes and waffles?" "Of course we can," Derek smiled. "And watch Scooby?" "We can do that." "Do you gotta be a doctor, Daddy?" "Nope, I have today off," he lied easily. He didn't, he was supposed to be in in a few hours. But he would call Webber and explain the situation. Hannah obviously needed him home today. "Good," she grinned. "Scooby time." "Scooby time," Derek nodded. "While I make us breakfast." "Pancakes and waffles and chocolate milk." "Sounds yummy," Derek smiled. "I love you, Han." "Love you too, Daddy," she mirrored his smile, throwing her arms around his neck and squeezing tightly. "If you want to talk anymore I'm here," he mumured, squeezing her back tightly. "Okay," she nodded, her arms staying looped around his neck. "Daddy?" "Yeah?" "You're always gonna want me, right?" "Always always always." "I'll always want you too, Daddy." "Good," Derek whispered, kissing her cheek. "Even when you're real scratchy," she giggled, her arms tightening around his neck even more as she nuzzled his neck. "Well that's good," he laughed. "Yep," she nodded. "Come on, let's go get breakfast," he smiled. "Pancakes and waffles, Daddy," she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder as he held her close. "Pancakes and waffles," Derek nodded. "Yep, and Scooby," she smiled as he stood up, shifting her to his hip as she clutched him tightly. "And Scooby," Derek grinned.



oncetherewasaway	Dec 27 2007, 12:41 PM Post #10
McEditor Posts: 1,625 Group: .Grey Girls. Member #23 Joined: October 25, 2006	Disclaimer: Katie is tired from no sleep and lots of work. If we owned the show, she'd be tired from lack of sleep and lots of sex. With Paddy. "Wow," Meredith breathed as she fell back, trying to catch her breath as Derek collapsed on top of her. "Holy...wow." "Wow...yeah....wow," Derek panted, burying his face in the pillow beside her head, trying to breathe again. "Just...god," she panted, nodding. "We...you...definitely take days off. All the time." "Miss me yesterday?" he laughed breathlessly. "Didn't think so until...yeah...wow." "Definitely missed me," he sighed, rolling off of her to rest on her side. "That was...you are..." she shook her head, giggling slightly. "You too," he laughed softly, running his hand along her stomach. "Hmmm," she giggled slightly, turning to kiss him. "Hmmm..." he breathed, against her lips. "I missed this yesterday...which probably makes me a horrible father." "Why?" she asked, tangling her legs with his. "Hannah had a bad day," Derek frowned. "Sick?" Meredith murmured, trailing slight kisses down his chest. "That would have been easier," he murmured, running his fingers through her hair. "Bailey said she was sick," she frowned. "That was my reason...figured it was the easiest," he sighed. "She crawled into bed with me in the morning and asked why she didn't have a mommy." "Oh," Meredith breathed, rolling away from him slightly. "I couldn't leave her after that talk. I told her the truth. That was right...right?" "Oh, um...I...I guess. I don't...I don't know." "I uhh....told her about your dad." "What?" she frowned, pulling away from him completely. "You did...what? Why?" "I know I shouldn't have. I just...I didn't know what else to say." "Derek...what...why? You...why would do that?" "She was entirely concerned that she was some wierd kid and I just...I needed to show her she isn't." "So you told her my dad left," she frowned. "Seriously? Seriously." "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have. I just...I'm sorry." "Why would you...I can't...Derek, no. You can't just...no." "What was I supposed to say to her?" "I...I don't know. But that doesn't mean...you don't bring in your fuck buddy's past." "I brought in her friend's past, Mer." "I don't remember...why? Why would you do that?" "I had to do something. The second I said it I regretted it but I needed to do something. She was so...devastated." "And pointing out that my dad was an ass and left made her happier?" "It made her feel like maybe she wasn't alone." "I just can't believe you even...do you...I can't believe this," she groaned, rolling off the bed and grabbing her scrub pants. "Meredith...I know, I shouldn't have...I'm sorry." "You used me as an example for your daughter. The most...I'm a...I can't believe you." "I know," he nodded. "It was a mistake. But I needed to do something." "And that was all you could think of?" "Yeah," he shrugged. "You don't get to use me as an example, Derek," she hissed, pulling her t-shirt on. "I'm not...I'm a mess. You can't use my life as an example." "But...she needed something, Mer. She was...her teacher keeps talking about two parents and she felt like she was some kind of freak or something. I needed to say something. And I'm sorry it had to be you, I'm sorry I told her and used you as an example. But it helped." "It helped? Now she's going to come to me and all I'll be able to say is, oh yeah, having one parent is great. I'm great. I'm a complete mess and I sleep around and I drink tequila and emotionally I'm...but no, it's great." "You don't actually sleep around anymore," Derek pointed out. "And just...talk to her." "Oh I don't sleep around? You mean, fucking my boss in an on call room isn't sleeping around?" "Meredith...don't do that," Derek sighed. "Not after the day I had yesterday. Just...talk to her?" "No," she shook her head. "No, I'm not talking to your daughter. Because she doesn't need to be...I'm a mess, Derek. Do you want her to end up like me? Completely unable to commit and getting quickies from her boss in an on call room?" "Mer...I wouldn't actually mind if she ended up like you. Maybe not the quickie thing...but you...I'd be good with her being just like you," he sighed. "And she won't. You two...you're not the same. She has me." "Yeah, she has you. I didn't...I'm nothing like her. You keep telling me she doesn't need a mom and this...this is mom territory. This is...I'm not doing this. I'm not getting involved like this. We said we weren't getting involved like this." "We're not," he shook his head. "When I said it...it's not about us, Mer. She likes you. A lot. I just needed her to know that people she likes a lot grew up the same way she did, that not everyone has a perfect family." "Fine. Not everyone has the perfect family. Don't bring me into it." "I'm sorry I did, Mer," he said quietly. "What the hell do you even want me to say to her?" "I don't know," he shrugged. "Just...what do you wish someone had said to you?" "I don't...no one said anything to me," Meredith shook her head. "And I'm...I didn't need anyone to say anything to me. I didn't need that because it happened and that's...I don't need anyone to say anything." "Okay..." he sighed. "You don't have to say anything...just let her talk and answer questions or something." "You realize that it's awkward with her period?" Meredith paced the small room. "She's...and I’m...and now she's going to ask questions about my dad who got a whole new family and it was weird and strange and it turned me into a complete...it didn't turn me into anything. Because I'm...I'm over it. He's my ex-father. Was my ex father. He left and it's...awkward, Derek. Awkward." "I know, Mer," he sighed. "I didn't really think...I just...I wanted my daughter to be happy again." "There are probably other ways to do that." "Maybe but I didn't think of them. I really am sorry." "I'm not...I can't...you said you weren't looking for a mom for her. Moms do this. Moms talk and comfort and...I don't do that." "No, I don't need you to do that," Derek shook his head. "Just...you have something in common. You're the only person I know that has a situation anything like hers. I just need her to have a friend who can help her out about this." "I can't help her, Derek. I have no idea how to help her." "Can you try?" he asked quietly. "Please." "And say what, Derek? I don't...is she...is she still upset?" "No," Derek shook his head. "I think having me for an entire day distracted her a bit." "Then maybe she doesn't need to talk." "She might not," Derek nodded. "She seemed okay with how much I want her. Just if she does...don't turn her away. Please?" "I'm not going to tell her to go away," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I know that," Derek sighed. "I didn't mean it that way. I'm just...I'm probably handling this all wrong. I'm feeling entirely overwhelmed." "Der..." she sighed, falling back onto the bed next to him. "I didn't know what to do. I just...she never said anything, she never seemed sad or...she's not missing anything. I was hoping she'd never ask. Which was...ridiculous." "Why did she even ask?" "Christmas coming up. The teacher is talking about gifts and cookies and moms." "Oh." "Yeah...so she got to wondering and now...my life is a mess." "Your life is not a mess." "It feels like it." "Derek, she's fine. She has you and that's...that's big. And huge and...that's good." "I know it is," Derek nodded. "I try my best." "Which is...it's better than a lot of...it's good," she nodded quickly. "Better than a lot of nannies?" he asked gently. "Yeah," she shrugged. "Yeah," he nodded, reaching for her hand to squeeze it tightly. "I'm trying. Yesterday was the first time I've felt like maybe it wasn't enough." "Der...Hannah's...she's happy. And this...it doesn't, she's happy." "I know she is," Derek nodded. "So that's...that's good. And you're...you're her dad and you're here and that's good." "I know it is," he nodded. "So your life is definitely not a mess." "Then why does it feel like one?" "I don't know." "I shouldn't have used you as an example without asking...sorry." "It's...it's not fine. It's not the same, Derek." "I know it's not," Derek nodded. "She has me, you had no one." "Yeah," Meredith sighed. "Just...tell her that. If she asks...just remind her she has me." "I will." "Thanks," he nodded. "That...hopefully that's enough." "I'm sure it is, Derek." "Thanks," he sighed, squeezing her hand. "You're welcome," she sighed, staring down at their hands for a second. "And I am sorry. I hate getting you mad at me." "I'm not mad," she shook her head. "Well, I am. I think you're an ass and an idiot but we don't...it's not a fight. We don't fight because people can't fight if they're not...yeah." "I know it's not a fight...but it doesn't mean I like you mad at me. If you're mad at me I won't get sex." "Really? Because we...I mean, sex is actually hot when I'm pissed at you. Or when you have to apologize." "You have a point," he laughed. "Of course I do," she giggled, kissing him. "Hmmm..." he groaned. "Another round before we go sav